Nobody Tells You This about Relationships in Germany 

I also feel there is a slight English influence in Stefan's German (at least in this video)... I read somewhere couples' speak patterns do tend to synchronize over time, so maybe that's happening here. Anyway, it's cute!

Ihr beide seid so wahnsinnig süß zusammen.

Interesting facts! As Stefan (Stephan?) I also started to lern English in 5th grade. And I was just awfully bad (well languages in general isn't my strong point :D ) through out my school life (10th grade=mark 5). From there on I had no more English lessons (or even the need to read/speak English) because I started my education as a car mechanic (is that how you translate KFZ Mechatroniker?). And over those 3.5 years I developed my hobby, that being reading/watching Manga/Anime. I Started with German translations but the moment I caught up with it and I wanted to know how it continues. My only way to get the continuation was to read/watch it in English. And it was really hard at the beginning, I had to use a dictionary or Google translator for the translation of some words. But I improved over time. After I finished my education I went back to school (11th and 12th grade) to get my graduation there to go studying at an university. And with being back in school there came those "hated" English lessons back in the day. But I changed and it was funny and I felt relieved because I got my marks and they improved from a 5 to a 3+ with stricter evaluation system. And I'm at a point where I watch and read every movie or book in English and I understand nearly everything. Well I have problems with dialects or when they speak really fast but that is it basically. But my problem is, I have no one I can speak English with and here I think you and I have similarities. You know what the one in front of you wants (in German) but you just can't find the right words and that is basically me the other way around. And I believe the only way to get over it is to force yourself to speak English. And I'm thinking about taking a semester off from my university and do 6 month work and travel in Australia. Because there I have no other choice but getting used to it. And I might do it, because I live in an area in Germany where I don't need to speak English at all and I really need English in my future job to come. Fun fact the only other time I spoke English in Germany (aside from: in front of my computer or at school) was at my vacation (5 days)with my friends in Munich, where I spoke to young adults from America. (I was nervous as hell) I really like your channel a lot. And I really enjoy every video and every kind of topic you upload. And the best part I'm still learning from it. Thanks!

Yes! Oh my gosh yes! I asked my boyfriend, who is german, whether his thoughts about me and our relationship are in German or English and he looked at me shocked and said, “well, English of course!” He also really struggles to keep speaking to me in German for the same reasons you guys list. It’s hard I think because our conversations in English are so deep and interesting that when you have to revert to a child-level conversation it feels so limiting and even condescending. Glad to know this isn’t just a problem we have!

I was 45 coming to live with my German Husband. I never had spoken any German and went to school for French. I felt and do still feel after 15 years here like you guys. My husband speaks English with me but I am good enough to get through life now and even going to the Rathaus alone to do business. Your right it is exhausting.

The first impression is that his voice is higher, but I think its actual the clarity of the words that makes the difference. Wenn man noch was unsicher ist in der Wortfindung ist die Sprache manchmal was verschwommen.😁 Meinen Partner und mich verbindet dasselbe Gefühl. We just talk english to each other, it's our love language as well.💖 Liebe Grüsse an euch zwei 🤗

My partner and I are both german. We both have the english language all around us. We both speak german with each other but if we text each other it`s in english. We started it when we started to know each other and later we also had a short talk about changing it into german but we didn`t because we both are getting better in writing in english and for me it`s sometimes easier to find the right english words for my emotions. I am just really glad that I know both language and have them both present in my life. Oh and funny thing with all the english writing (most of the things i do online is in english) and denglish in german in general, sometimes we both have hard times to find the right german word

I have the same experience. Mine a bit complicated. We have 3 languages and live in Germany. I am from Indonesia and my husband is German. We met in Canada and we started to speak English. It's really difficult for us to switch to German. My husband Indonesian is improving. My German I feel like it's ok not perfect but when I meet with people outside I could speak German most of the time no problem. But with my husband I feel like weird to speak in his language. Idk why. I think I must try dienstag Deutsch. Thanks for the motivation too Dana.

My bf and I are both German, we grew up speaking only German and yet we're mostly speaking English with each other (as we're both English teachers this comes naturally) and it's sometimes hard to switch to German when we're with, say, our parents who don't understand English. And what's even weirder we adopt some strange Russian accent when talking to each other which isn't there when we're speaking with somebody else...

My best friend is german and our friendship is literally founded on him wanting to help me with my german, but we quickly discovered we had a lot in common and we wanted to have actual fluid conversations so for the last four years nearly every single conversation we’ve had has been in English. He says he doesn’t want to speak german with me because he doesn’t know how much I’ll understand, so we really only speak it when we need to (like when we’re around people whose english might not be very good; we both live in Germany). It’s frustrating honestly! But at the same time I don’t want to speak german with him because by this point we’re used to speaking English together and it always feels „komisch“ to switch to german.

I can relate so much! My boyfriends and my parents come from poland, so we both are fluent in german and polish (but german still being the "main" language). We got to know each other in germany in german and I am somehow not able to talk to him in polish. It just doesn't feel right, it's exhausting and weird. It feels uncomfortable to talk in polish to him even when we're in poland with our relatives😣 and when it comes to "being different" in the other language- i noticed that the "regular reaction" you (are expected from society to) give someone on a statement is different in different societies/languages and of course every Country has a own kind of comedy (so irony/sarcasm is used in different situations). I tend to accomendate my behavior to the language i am speaking🤔😂

This is probably your most beautiful video to date....really touched me! As I've mentioned before in your comment section, I'm bilingual and have lived in Germany since I moved here at age 22. I definitely agree that there are people I feel more comfortable talking English to, and others German. I had a twenty year marriage that was German languaged, and all my kids (my two plus four step-children) speak German. My current partnership is English, with a little French and German mixed in.... she's bilingual French-English, and my French and her German are equally bad, though we are able to converse and get around in those, our respective, third languages. We've occasionally tried doing French or German-speaking days, and also find them extremely exhausting. My family of origin is an interesting case, because until I was about 13, we spoke only German at home (in the US). That changed when my German mother started working.....the Denglisch crept into the house, and after my brother and I grew up and moved out, my parents actually spoke only English with each other, so clearly, what had originally been a relationship in German, shifted and became an English one after about twenty years of marriage. Since I moved to Germany, I speak both languages fluently and virtually accent-free. My Dad also grew up as an only-child in a German speaking family (in Canada), and his parents continued speaking German to him as an adult, probably because my dad was speaking German with my Mom, too. Interestingly, my grandmother died when I was twelve, around the time when my family language started to shift....my grandfather lived about ten years longer, and with him we started speaking English as well. He always spoke a really strange mix of English and Swiss dialect anyways. My Dad's German has become quite neglected, as has my brother's (he was only ten when we started speaking English at home), so they are both barely fluent in German anymore. My Mom continues to be fluent in both languages, with excellent command, but speaks neither language without an accent.

0:40 Wow this pic is so absolutely cute, and he is SO good-looking.

Me and my boyfriend got to know each other in English and it took some time for me to talk Swedish with him. As you said the own comfort zone is so hard to leave. When I got better in Swedish and I actually felt save and liked it he was the best practice. I think also a pretty big part is the sound of a language. For me Swedish sounds so much nice then English and if I'm supposed to say something even in German I feel like I'm breaking the melody of the conversation. Even though I still talk a lot of German, English or Swedish is just nice to listen to :D

Sort of, when I'm in Germany and talking to someone in German my wife will start asking me what I'm talking about mid-conversation in English. I have to tell her I can't think in two languages at the same time. It is the same way is some videos where the host switches constantly from German to English, it drives me crazy when they do that.

I started learning German when I was 12. I moved to Germany and, then to Switzerland when I was about 20. About 90% of my day was total language emersion. After about two years, I returned to the US. 25 years later, I returned with my wife, who doesn't speak any German. I met an old friend, who doesn't speak English. I was translating our conversation for my wife. Suddenly my friend stopped me and said, "Du müßt doch Englisch für deine Frau sprechen." I switched languages without even knowing it. It blew my mind how I slipped into German so easily. I'm a teacher. We had a foreign-exchange student and I didn't know where she was from. However, when she said ,"Vallis, Lichtenstein," her obvious native accent threw my mind into German. I couldn't think in English any more. It lasted for about 5 minutes. I felt like English was a second language. I kept stumbling over English words and German words keep sneaking out. It was crazy.

My husband is German, and didn't really speak English when we met, and this video is so spot on!!

Ich kann das was ihr erzählt zu 100% nachempfinden, denn zwischen meiner Frau (in Tansania geboren; Sprachen: Swahili und Englisch) und mir war es am Anfang das Gleiche. Wir haben uns in Englisch kennengelernt, da sie nur rudimentäres Deutsch sprach und wir redeten lange Zeit fast ausschließlich auf Englisch miteinander. Der Grund war der gleiche wie bei euch, wobei der Vergleich mit dem zu erklimmenden Berg diesbezüglich sehr zutreffend ist! Allerdings mussten wir uns irgendwann zwingen, da sie hier beruflich Fuß fassen wollte und auch wenn es ein Kraftakt war, hat es sich gelohnt, wobei ich das Problem, sie sprachlich zu korrigieren, aber nicht sagen zu können warum dies oder jenes falsch ist, auch kenne. Wir hatten zwar keinen "deutschen Dienstag", wir haben uns aber Briefe auf Deutsch geschrieben, in denen wir so taten als hätten wir eine Fernbeziehung und würden nur darüber kommunizieren. Das ist auch eine schöne Art gewesen zusammen zu lernen. Zusätzlich dazu besuchte sie Kurse an der VHS, wo dann die Profis den fachlichen Teil erledigt haben.

I thought Stefan’s German had a softer sound than his English, which was surprising. Dana’s German is more staccato sounding.

Oh my god I can feel this so much!! My husband is korean - we met in Korea and started to communicate in korean. Then we moved to Germany and many of our(korean) friends were like "Oh you you lucky guy it must be so easy to learn german for you you have a german girlfriend, who has even tecahing experience!" But then they notice his german is not as good as they exoected. We try very hard to speak only german - but switch to korean without noticing it.... it'S also so hard to speak in german with him at times because I usually try to say it in a way that is easy to understand for him but not "natural".... I'm happy I saw your video to see that we are not the only ones struggeling with that!

Hey Dana! I wrote a comment under your "personal issues video" which can help you to understand your "mental block" speaking an other language as usual to people. I hope it's ok, if I just write this here again: You tell that it's really strange to speak an other language with people than usual, that's absolutely normal. Our brain sets a language for each person in our life. In general it's the language we first spoke together. It's the same for children who grow up in a bilingual family. Each member around them gets its own language. For example if you would have children. It could be that the childs speak english we you, german with Stefan, Stefan and you in english, Stefan in german to its childs, and you in english to them, the child with its sister or brother in german, german with their one grand-parents and english with their others. And maybe even a dialect with their friends. That would be absolutely normal in a bilingual environment, as long at it's "naturally". So it's absolutely normal that you struggle if you try to change the "set" language. It's like a blockade. I think it's possible to change the "settings" but it takes a lot of time, good will and it also depends on the language spoken in the environment.

I experience this a lot since I am from Israel and my boyfriend is Austrian. I am like very good in German and English. But I was in Austria and our relationship started in German. It was two years and half ago, and we live in Tel Aviv now for one year since we just have a better life there and him with speaking hebrew... Dana, Stefan, we have the problem too

That "switch" having us use a specific language with a specific person is well known. We students of German would converse with each other as much in German as possible, so that we could practice. We would even do that outside of school; eg, I visited a fellow student when both of us were working in Germany, she wanted to decompress from German with some English but I automatically started out in German. Similarly, right after the divorce a friend would have to admonish me when I'd slipping into Spanish with her. My in-laws met in Mexico City when he was sent there to learn Spanish, so they always spoke Spanish with each other. When the children came, they would speak Spanish with their parents and English with each other (so that their parents could correct both). Then I observed that the grandchildren growing up around two different languages not only learned both languages but also worked out from the start which family members to use which language with -- my son would get upset when my father would some of his Texas Spanish because he's supposed to use English.

Ja ich hab habe genau das gleiche mit einer frau aus China. Wir sind befreundet haben uns auf Englisch getroffen und reden 80% Englisch, even she knows German pretty well and just finisched her B2 Prüfung. We keep talking Englisch mit immer mal wieder etwas Deutsch zwischen drin was extrem schwierig ist. Aber mir ist aufgefallen das ich sogar angefangen habe auf Englisch zu denken.

I have the exact same with my boyfriend from england! I can't look at him and speak german, it just doesn't work. But that got me thinking, that in school it was so weird to talk english to your friends, and also now it is weird. But when my boyfriend is with us, we all switch to english and I can freely talk english to anybody now. I wonder if that can become the case with my boyfriend too, but he is not that far in german yet :D

When I learned German I was an exchange student. I lived with a German family whose daughter had lived with my family in the States the year before. Of course our first year was her speaking English. Once I learned German, we would bounce back and forth from English to German. In the end, we mostly spoke German. Now I am home and not among other German speakers, I have to consciously switch into German. Also it was the same for us. If we learned something in one language we talked about it in that language.

For reasons of language education I wanted to speak English with my daughter. That never really worked because we were both too busy translating our words. Just like you and Stefan say: a mental block! When I have to speak English in service, it works much better...

I'm German and even though I don't have to speak English that much, I read and write and watch many things in Engl and then it happens that when I speak in German I suddenly just have the Engl word in mind and I struggle to get the German onexD It's really funny tbhxDDD

I think listening to english people talking in English improves your own vocabulary, grammar and also pronunciation a lot. It doesn't matter if it is a youtube video or a movie or whatever. As long as its people with clear pronunciation, it helps. It should be on diverse topic though, otherwise, it won't help so much with the vocabulary. ^^'

My thoughts and experience: If you don't stay in one language then there is always a tendency to fall back in you native (or even acquired one if the subject was learned in the other) language. I notice this if I am in an English environment I don't have problems to think in English. But when it comes to certain situations the German expression drops in my mind automatically because I lack the English word/expression. So I struggle to find the English translation but without looking it up I am bust. Same goes the other way around if I learned an expression or technical term in English I have a hard time to continue my sentence in German. I think a short time, like a day, does not really do anything to improve the language fluency. If you have to think before formulating a sentence then you are not in the right mood/mode. And to change into that it takes more time. I have noticed that exposure to English on a daily basis (essentially watching news) gives me a good headstart when I am on vacation in the US. But it will take longer to get the good understanding at listening. My advice is to stick to one language in a situation. Perhaps make an effort to also speak German with each other. There will be awkward moments. But these are part of the learning process. If you resolve a language issue that awkwardness helps to implant the "new" word or expression. But shying away from that kind of wokr will keep you from ever achieving a better ability to speak. My two cents.

sure. online, its english. even with most of my german friends. also, were unable to speak german in vr chat... our friends from qatar are also like this, instead of using arabic, even if no ones is close enough to listen, theyll speak english

The way Stefan says 'love' sounds very German to me. 😉

Me and my friends have noticed something similar. We go to concerts a lot and meet a lot of British, american and Australian bands with whom we speak English of cause but in the last two years there have been more German bands coming up in the scene and being supports for these English speaking bands and for us it's so awkward to speak to bands in German. On the other hand though our group of friends consists of people from all around Europe and when people from different countries are together we automatically speak English but when it's for example only Germans or only Dutch people we have no problem switching to our native language even though we still retell conversations that happened in English in English and we just have a lot of English phrases even when officially talking German.

nach einer Schädelverletzung haben ich nur Englisch gesprochen, mittlerweile, Jahre später, spreche ich meistens Deutsch mit andern Leuten, wenn ich alleine bin , denke ich manchmal Deutsch manchmal Englisch, das switchen zwischen den Sprachen fällt mir leicht

When I speak Spanish I get more emotional.. when I speak German I am more reflective, argumentative.. I think the GERMAN word order makes that everybody has to concentrate more on the whole sentence... weil ich Dana schon vor 3 Jahren hier auf RU-vid gesehen hatte, meine ich , dass ich sie schon gut kenne.... oh dear.. can you see what I mean.. Deutsch kommt so ein bisschen schwerfällig daher... would you agree?

Yes, his voice is diefer (I liked that mistake in the video), when speaking English. But it seems a cultural thing, because there are many YT channels of young us-American guys, you would never guess, that voice belongs to them. Do not give up on learning German, if you truly wanna speak it. And your reading skill is already very good. One more thing: I usually do not have to speak much English, so it is not "the yellow of the egg" ;) But my skills also depend on my dialogue partner, so I can relate, that his German is getting a bit worse, when talking to someone also not so skilled. I try to use much less complicated words, and while thinking about those and evaluating it while talking, my mind gets in a distorted state. Be it German or English, when speaking.

Dana´s Stimme klingt besser auf Deutsch !

switch to english in a written converstion seems to be no problem for me..but talking..especialy smaltalk seems to be harder....my old english teacher told me once..to speak a language fluently you have to think in it too..

The deutsche Dienstag would have been more effective, if you had to remove one piece of clothing every time you got stuck!

Actually I never comment a video but I had last year exactly the same situation. We became quiet often frustrated especially in talking german in the relationship. Especially cause we lost the point. We end up switching the languages in 1 sentences and spoke both languages in one. We wanted to correct us also, but that was kind of tricky cause than we missed the topic of the conversation etc.

My brain sometimes get confused, i have learned many words in latin for my work but I never use them cause the most people don't understand it but my collegues do. So when I have to say it in latin my brain stops and also when I try to say it in german. Often I think nobody knows what I am trying to say. Cause the right language/words get in my mind when i need them. And with english is the problem, that I sew a lot. I have learnd many thigs from english speaking RU-vidrs, so my english vocabulary is the best about sewing. And so it cames when I speak to my mother I don't know lot of the words in german and she doesn't speak one word english.

Ihr seid so süß

Ich an Stefans Stelle würde auf Deutsch wahrscheinlich versuchen, möglichst einfache Sätze zu nutzen, weil ich Angst hätte, dass Dana mich sonst nicht versteht und ihr damit eher Unrecht tun. Ich kann daher nachvollziehen, dass er lieber Englisch mit ihr redet.

I am german but I have to speak so much english because of my job that sometimes I don't even realise I speak english with someone 😂 And they look at me like: "Why is she talking in english...?" Haha

You two have such a cute chemistry. Ich erkenne mich und meinen eigenen Mann in euch. Das ist so lustig. We are both technically German, I was born in Iran though. ;-)

Wenn du Englisch sprichst und Stefan Deutsch, würde jeder die andere Sprache hören und gleichzeitig könnt ihr flüssig miteinander reden. Vielleicht hilft euch ja der Tipp 🤷🏻‍♀️☺️

"auf Wiedersehen" sounds even nicer with an american accent : "ouf weedoorsayn" ! ! !

Someone (my cousin studied psychology and she told me about the phenomena that people behave differently in different languages. She said that he reason why this happens is that you have another vocabulary that you use and the fact that you feel psychology more connected to your mother tongue. If I for example (noticed it myself and I'm trying to stop it) use more swear words when talking English, according to my cousin because I was raised in German and my parents told me not to use swear words in German. So that's the reason people are different in other languages.

Finally someone put it into words. I'm German, my husband is Brasilian, we met in Germany and lived there together for the first six years of our relationship and never managed talk to each other in German over a long period of time. We were always trying to explain that to friends and family who couldn't really understand why we almost exclusively spoke English at home but never found the right words. It's a situation that you have to be in on order to understand so thank you for making a video about it. I agree with every point you mentioned. Feels good to know that we're not alone!

I have experienced something similar :) when having conversations in english, I kind of disconnect more from my inner introvert and am able to speak more freely about topics that are hard to talk about or emotional for me. I like to call that the "professional distance" to a topic.

If I had an american girlfriend I guess it would be the same. German is really difficult to learn as an adult, and it is easier for us Germans to improve our English. I have been listening to english music for 20 years, watching tv shows and movies for more than 10 and need English everyday at work. And I agree, you definetly are a different person speaking another language.

Deutscher Dienstag that is great :-) I love the "Schlieschlisch".

Good morning!! New video out....with Stefan!!🥳🤗☀️ Who else is awake here so early? Have you also experienced something like this with a friend or partner?

I learned 3 different languages at a very young age (German is my first language, English my second and French my third). I speak each at a native speaker level and use them everyday. Even I find there are slight differences in “German speaking” me, “English speaking me” and “French speaking me” so I totally understand what they mean about being slightly different. Also, you get used to associating a certain place or person with a certain language. That is how my parents were able to keep my German even though I moved out of Germany when I was five. I associated home with German so whenever I came through the door I automatically started speaking and thinking in german. The same thing could be said for English and French at school. Also a tip if you really want to transition to German with each other might be to start speaking to each other in German outside of the house in places that you would normally associate with speaking German (like a park or the supermarket or on a picnic).

I noticed my voice gets lower when I want to sound professional - in a business meeting for example. Or on the phone!

Dana‘s voice gets higher when speaking German

The RU-vid auto captions trying to render your German as English is rather hilarious.

"Stefan, we're speaking English!" ,,Ah, Verdammt!"

Ich bin Tschechin und mein Freund Österreicher. Wir sprechen Deutsch und wenn er möchte, dass ich ihm etwas auf Tschechisch sage, komme ich mir sooo komisch vor! Auch einfach ungewöhnlich. Wenn wir beide English reden ist es auch bisschen seltsam für mich, aber nicht so komisch wie mit meiner eigener Muttersprache. :D

Ah, you guysssss, you made me feel fluffy on the inside! You are so cute together

If I remember correctly from my translation studies, your brain stores foreign languages in a different part than your native tongue. So when you're talking in another language, it's literally a different part of you talking (or at least everything you say gets filtered through a different part). So yeah, your voice, characteristics and expressions are bound to change. Some friends and I actually use this deliberately sometimes. When we're discussing a difficult or emotional topic, we switch to English (we're German), so that we pick our words more carefully. You can'T blurt out potentially hurtful things if you have to think about them first while you're translating :D

10:03 "mehr deutsch reden ... AND" - that didn't take long :)

Oh God! This is so true! I face the same issue with my boyfriend 😀

When we visited my husband's uncles in the U.S., who went there when the were teen boys, the older one wanted to speak German and his wife could only speak English- we were switching the whole time, but it was easy after a few days(Uncle Horst has almost a Berlin accent, so funny!). And Uncle Hugo is more "American", he is speaking German with American accent, and to his wife, we only spoke English. I learned to be very fit in switching between German and English, it was an interesting experience.

Same situation going up at home, but with Spanish. We try to speak German, but end up speaking Spanish everytime 🤷🏽‍♂️

This is my experience. I'm American, my husband is french and we've been married 23 years, living in France. I came to France not speaking french, my husband spoke English for work. When we started having kids I spoke to them in English and my husband in French. Living in France, my children only used their English with me (besides English class in school). Over the years our family of 5 started speaking "franglais" (this is probably equivalent to denglish :) Our kids hate it when I speak French or my husband speaks English. Our rule was that if there was anyone around us that was part of the conversation and they didn't understand both languages then we would all speak in their language so for example we I needed to talk to the teachers at school I'd obviously speak French; if I turned to talk to one of my kids I'd continue in French so the teacher was still part of the conversation EVEN if it had nothing to do with the teacher. I told the kids this is just being polite. I now work with my husband and we follow the same rule; if someone is around we speak French, even if the topic doesn't concern them in order to be polite. But when we're alone it's English out of habit. I think there is something to be said about Europeans, though. They spend so much of their life being corrected grammatically that my husband still does this to me now even though my French is very good. But it's hard to talk to someone about important things in a relationship and then in the middle of it have them correct your grammar!! As an American, I think we're more tolerant of grammatical mistakes and there's less of an urge to correct everyone all the time. This is not a negative judgement on my part, I just feel it's more important to French people that your grammar is correct; I think Americans have an attitude that if I understand you I'll let it slide.

My father is french, my mother is german and I grew up in Germany for the majority of my life. I don't speak French very well because my father, who also speaks German, lost his patience with me and resorted to German after a few minutes into a conversation. This is why I never became fluent and a little ashamed to talk French myself.

When I notice the accent of an english-speaking person I automatically switch to english. Even if that person would prefer german (to learn the language) I have to make an effort to stay in german-mode, otherwise I switch back to english without even noticing it. And I find it easier to express certain things in english, rather than german.

Es geht nicht um höher oder tiefer wenn Stefan Deutsch spricht, er hat einen starken deutschen Akzent wenn er Englisch spricht! Haha

When you speak a different language, you have to think about, what you say. That may be a good thing in couple-discussions.

Basically I play games online with friends all over Europe. So a lot of different nationalities and languages. We talk in English of course, but when I'm (=Austrian) alone with a German in voice call we just stick to English since we always only talk English. Sooo I can totally relate when you say you two talk English all the time or simply want to, in a way :D

My girl is American Im Belgian/Dutch . The frustrating part is I'm from Antwerp and in Antwerp we speak dutch and sometimes you will hear german and french words in our sentences.. what doesn't help at all for her 😂 but indeed if you speak a other language you are mostly a stranger to others or even while speaking a other Dialect.

Hey Dana I have a question. First of all this is absolutely NOT a criticism of your German (which is adorable!) but really just genuine curiosity. It seems that it is still quite effortful for you to speak German. Would you say that this is mainly due to the fact that, as you stated, you started learning it later in life or is it the language itself? Because while I certainly see how learning German can be more complicated than learning English, I would assume that speaking both languages should become the more or less the same level of effort over time but that does not seem to be the case with German and I'm wondering why.

I've got the same situation! My best friend speaks both English and German well but learned German later and no matter how hard we try, we always switch back to English! By now speaking German with her just feels weird and also somehow detached? For us English was the language that we originally shared all emotional things in, so it's "the emotional language" for us. I still feel kinda guilty cause I could teach her so much by just speaking my mothertongue but it just doesn't work out and sometimes you gotta accept that haha

Pretty much all Germans speak German at a higher pitch. That's because German sounds really dark and aggressive or sometimes grumpy, when you speak it with a deeper voice. Speaking with a higher pitch in German is recognized as signalling excitement, interest and friendliness.

I think every language has its own personality. And so your personality and voice in that language changes. What's most interesting for me is that I have depression and in English and German, but I don't really feel it when I'm speaking (or thinking) in Spanish. So maybe the areas of my brain that know/operate in Spanish have less connection with the depression? It's definitely nice when I get the chance to use it and take a break from my normal brain for a while.

You should do a collab with "Gewitter im Kopf". Jan said multiple times that he doesn't have any ticks when he is speaking English...

German is my native language and it is easy for me to switch between German and English. I don't know how or why but it is and I am quite glad. The biggest problem for me though is, that at this point I only really speak German at home and at school, and occasionally if I do meet up with some of my German friends. Besides that I really only speak English, to the point that expressing myself in certain ways is only possible for me when actually speaking English

This is exactly what I also heard from other multilingual couples.

I live in Scotland but speak german at work - keeps me on my toes for both languages equally :D

He is a native German speaker, his voice is deeper when he speaks English. My Dad was not a native English speaker, whereas my mother only spoke British English (as we, their children did/do), so their relationship was in English and we only spoke English. His English was fluent and was certainly improved by his love and relationship with my mum. Still, after a lifetime he still had his own idiosyncratic English language; it was part of him and his life with us. So don't get too hung up about speaking English (or another language) at home: love and live the lives you want to.

I have also noticed that with a couple of my friends. I have a group of friends that is very international probably 1/3 German-speaking and the rest either don't speak any German or just the basics. So when meeting with them we always speak English. However when I'm within that group I can't get myself to speak German even when I'm in a conversation with only German-speakers involved we also stick with speaking English because it's how we usually communicate and it just feels so wrong to speak German with them. But then on the other hand I have a friend who's from the US but has Latin-American heritage so he grew up speaking Spanish and English. And he's studying German and speaks it rather well at this point. Whereas I grew up speaking German and I speak English all the time so it became second nature to me and I have been learning Spanish for 5 years and can hold up small talk. And when we're talking to each other we're constantly switching between English, German and Spanish without even noticing it. And none of the three languages feel weird. So I guess it really has a lot to do with how you start out your relationship with someone.

I so relate to this. Incredible. I love these videos. My spouse is from Germany and I'm American so this is very relatable ❤❤❤❤ 🇩🇪 🇺🇸

Es ist auch bekannt, dass Kinder, die zwei Sprachen flüssig sprechen, oft zwei Persönlichkeiten haben, je nachdem, welche Sprache sie sprechen. Das ist sehr interessant, dass man sich minimal verändert, je nach eingesetzter Sprache, TOTAL SPANNEND.

It's really hard to change your habit when you are used to speak a certain language to someone and need to switch it. It feels weird, unnatural and awkward...I've been learning German for about 2 years, and most of my German friends are very helpful and willing to speak German with me, but in the end, we still speak English because it's more convenient when it comes to communication and it's really much more easier when talking to someone with a language which you feel more comfortable with...The best way to improve German or a foreign language is trying to talk to someone who isn't very good at English or don't know English at all to practice your target language. This is not easy though, it's just my opinion.. 😂😂

Good grief y'all are adorable together. :)

Great topic, always love to see you guys together in a video! I have a Japanese husband and am German myself. We met and now live together in Japan, but when I came here for the first time I couldn’t speak Japanese yet, so we spoke English for the first year or so. Now we only speak Japanese though and find it weird to switch back to English ;D But I guess that’s different because English is a secondary language for both of us..

Omg omg! I feel youuu! My boyfriend is a german and I always try to talk with him auf Deutsch but he always ALWAYS reply with English! Omg we feel sooooo depressed ans a bit funny about this

Man muss schon SEHR GENAU hinhören, um einen Unterschied von euren Stimmen zu erkennen, wenn Ihr von Englisch auf Deutsch, oder umgekehrt wechselt ☺️☺️☺️

Eure Stimmen sind absolut gleich! Der Unterschied ist: Beide sprechen in ihrer Muttersprache offensiver als in der Fremdsprache. Da ist bei euch beiden einfach mehr Druck hinter - dadurch seid ihr in der Muttersprache ein kleines bisschen schriller als in der Fremdsprache. Die Tonlage however ist unverändert :-)

Dana, I'm literally crying. Not because the video is sad, but because I relate to the topic so much! I also have a German man every day by my side, I also live in Germany, I also want to become as fluent as possible in German but... For the exact same reasons you said, every single one of it, we speak in English between us. And I have beaten myself up for this sooo much. Everybody around you also pressures you so much "You have a German boyfriend, why are you coming to class?" and they just don't get it and make me feel that I'm not putting enough effort into this. But you two just explained perfectly and finally I can cut myself some slack. There's no use to force something that doesn't feel natural onto my relationship with the risk of running it (cause we actually have fought over the topic several times!). So, Thank you.

I am 50 years old and my school English is lost. I said okay to me. I am young and I have more than 17 years to work. I am interested to understand my new work colleagues. The way from the A1 to A2 was simple. But now the way from A2 to B1 is hard. It is so much more to learn and understand. Every day I ask me if it is right? Many time but in 12 months the Sunny shines. I need more time and that’s all. 🏋🏼‍♀️🤞🏻

Hey Dana, not sure if you're actually gonna read this. ^^° But here goes: When I went to university, I lived together with different ERASMUS students for about 2 years. They were here in Germany to improve their German and the first two, Gareth and Beth (from Wales and Scotland) insisted on us speaking German with them because they wanted to get better. Gareth is now a tour guide for English people in Germany and Beth is a German teacher in Scotland. Both started out with a good vocabulary but spoke kinda slow and constantly thought about what to say next. And yes, it was very difficult and frustrating for them too at first and there were days when they were just too exhausted to use German so we switched. But 9 days out of 10 we would speak in German and after a year here it really showed. Gone were the constant pauses and worries they were going to say something wrong and they just talked and talked well. They had to push through some hard times to get to that point but they were glad that they had. The next year, we had two other girls from Indianapolis and England and they always tried to talk in English with everyone. I thought I was being nice to them and talked back in English so the only German they spoke was at the grocery store or with some random people on the street. At the end of the year, these two hadn't improved at all and knew just as much English as they did at the beginning of the year here in Germany. If they ever even bothered trying to speak in German it took ages for them to say a few sentences. My French teacher told me once that the only real way to actually learn a language and being able to use it easily comes with practice. At best daily practice. If you can't talk to someone in the language you're trying to learn, read books in it, watch movies and TV shows, listen to the radio or podcasts. Make it an ordinary thing in your life. So yeah. My two cents about this kinda situation. Don't get me wrong, I prefer the English language when I can actually chose between the two but if I meet someone who is trying to learn the German language I'm the "asshole" that tries to speak to them in German. I'm thankfully really patient about this kind of thing and don't mind waiting for them to find the right words or occasionally helping them with it or answering questions about grammar and vocabulary in the middle of a sentence. If they have no clue what I'm talking about in German I try to explain it in an other way or do switch to English though. Und warum schreibe ich das ganze Ding hier eigentlich auf Englisch? ^^°

Great video. I grew up speaking Serbian. I spent almost 20 years speaking English at work and at home. Even though Serbian is my mother tongue I still find it much easier to think, speak, expess my feelings and opinions in English.

Please don't get this wrong, but I think its a problem, that Stefan speaks mostly english with you. Yeah, it'll (might) take longer if youre forced to speak german, but its the best way to learn to speak fluently.

I can relate very much on you both when it's about language and I found it cute that despite of the differences,still you both adjust each other.I speak English and my husband is a German but at all time i found him very much comfortable speaking to me in English than Deutsch...🤣 Looking for your next videos👍

I think, if you really want to speak German together, you should try to speak German all the time. If it's just one day of the week you always tend to fall back into English. So maybe you just have to keep trying and over time you'll get used to speaking German.

I lived in the US for three years. Whenever I want to Talk about my time there I have troubble ceeping my sentences german😂 It's so weird, one second ago I spoke german like I always do and the next I have troubble speaking my mother tounge☺️

Things will change when you have kids. Then you will speak English and German to them i guess

Stephen’s voice is deeper in Germany and sounds more stressed in English, I cant hear any difference on Dona’s voice, I’m American.