NPD (Narcissism) vs BPD (Borderline) | FRANK YEOMANS 

Sure...that's important to you. To other people, it's the shifting moods, feeling angry, etc.

A lack of internal stability and structure of identity, lack of confidence in the deep self are the core construct of causes to a lot of the internal disruption and emotional turbulence. The persistence of the expression of the feeling of emptiness throughout their experience is something that comes from this. The ego is so small it can't support itself through turmoil and emotional maturity doesn't become developed until much later in life than other counterparts. I'm a person of that diagnosis and I definitely identify with most of everything you've expressed here

he never said that its not. He's describing an aspect of borderline (splitting) which is fundamental to the structure of their personality.

Truth.

Yeah and then not having support from the ones you love doesn't help.

After reading some people relationship past honestly the way they make look people with bpd is bad. Like a pettyness violent behavior manipulator mentality. These trait here I dont know if they just part of your caracter or mental illness.

this makes perfect sense. holy shit

So true

One thing that has helped me is acknowledging my feelings without attributing them to anyone. I recently had a situation where I felt betrayed and disrespected by my partner but instead of blaming her I accepted the emotions as a result if the situation but not her. I broke apart my feelings as to why they existed and wrote her a letter about it so I could attempt to remain coherent and not fall into my usual emotional Word salad. And it helps. We haven't been dating long, just hit 4 months, but in that time we have never had an argument. We've had our downers and we've hurt each other aplenty. But never have we had an argument.

@@painoftheheart12 for me, this is exactly the part which correlates with parents who tried to raise their kids without understanding the very basics of emotions or emotional reactions. It's a learned pattern and can be reshaped. What you say strikes as true. The basic idea of human happiness is to build a life that feels good for you, and that's pretty much impossible if there's no connection to having any emotions which are true for yourself, your preferences and your experiences. Or mine, for that matter. Emotional reactions come from somewhere, and that's true for everyone. There are repeating patterns. What helped for me was to define reasonable reactions to reasonable situations.

CorePathway I don't agree with Otto Kernberg saying that at all, because he must be aware that many parents are extremely cruel to their precious children, due to their own unhealed trauma issues! In fact, I recall that physical and sexual abuse, as well as other types of abuse, were rife when I was growing up in beautiful New Zealand in the 60s and 70s, which seemed like a living nightmare. 🙁

Yep. Usually repeated and prolonged sexual abuse is present. SOMEbody was doing something terrible to the child.

It totally has a lot to do with your parents personalities and how you were raised. I was physically and verbally abused by my father and my mom was super anxious all the time, but my parents loved me, talked with me and had no issue sharing our emotions. I'm Borderline and have an Anxious Preoccupied attachment style. My wife, she was raised by a narcissist mother and a father who never stood up for her and sided with her mom. She never felt loved, her parents never talked to her about her issues, they didn't share emotions and no matter what, she was never enough. She is also NPD and is a Dismissive Avoidant. Sounds pretty bang on to me.

This has also been my experience. My grandmother was narcissist So was my mother. So was my daughter. All were abusive

@@cryptojihadi265 Yep. And what happened to the abuser to make them a monster? No well-adjusted adult just decides to be a child rapist. That said not every abused person becomes an abuser. Blessedly I internalized my trauma; I am committing the sin of neglect vs overt abuse. And unlike anyone else in my family I’m seeking help and fighting the good fight. I know my mission; to help my kids understand that they will need to work on their emotional maturity due to my absence. But they won’t be stunted in their intimate relationships because I or other family members gaslit and perved on them.

That was was a great story, thank you for sharing.

I'm glad to hear you de-stigmatize what it is to have a bpd partner. They're not monsters who seek to hurt others continuously and even often times are intelligent and wonderful people. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to him in his later years but I hope you happiness and healing with everything else negative to your experience. Love to you and your family

I too will honor their memory for you. God bless you and I hope you have a good day!

You would probably like Lone Frank's "Genetic me". I think, you will have to pay a bit for it, but it is worth the low price I saw it for a few years back. Especially the part about "Lissi Borden's "grandkid", who is a famous scientist, but "a nice psychopath" is interesting.

Thanks for this. I’m alwAys looking for stories about successful relationships with Borderliners

Yes! Empathizing with hard-to-empathize-with people is a Yeomans specialty, and maybe the crux of his therapeutic technique. Thanks for the comment! -P

Lol.... everybody was a child once ..their disruptive personalities are often due to conditioning and incorrect upbringing...they need most help and compassion

I really love and admire him. The warmth and compassion he has is next to not so many. I like Dr Fox too

Huge difference in being a well trained professional such as he is vs being someone in a relationship with these pathologically disordered personalities.

@@hissyfitz7890 true

Bpd feeling empathetic towards narcs isn't uncommon. That's often exactly how they get trapped. Be careful I'm also contemplating on saying it to narc but I doubt he'll get it. He lied for no reason. He thinks he protects himself from imaginary threats while in reality he just destroys everything real with deception

@@Nat-oj2uc I’m in trauma therapy and realized that I have a narcissistic parent that I’ve been trauma bonded too. So that’s why it felt like home. I broke free and am trying to build my own life now - wooo.

@@purplefinch29 yeah narc feels familiar and also on some level we know they're broken and even before knowing about narcissism we unconsciously want to help but it's like trying to fix shattered glass. We're just getting hurt in a process. Happy for you being free. Gl♥️

Maybe you should feel sorry for the ex's you've hurt because of your Borderline traits.

You can't love them better because they belong to a cult inside their brain that tells them lies about themselves and the world. You try to prove your love and it is NEVER enough, when you get exhausted or look sad through their abuse then they have the 'proof' that you never loved them. They cannot hold onto anything good but hold onto the bad forever. I think it is spiritual and they are actually demon possessed. Only God can deliver them when they become born again, it is literally the only cure.

Actually you described BPD with narcissistic trauma responce. NPD-dude will not care at all and discard you instad of showing dramatical resentment. Because BPD is caused by abandonment trauma doesn't mean that it couldn't contain narcissistic trauma of neglection and devaluation. The difference is that a true narcissist will stay the same 24/7 while BPD+Narc trauma will switch to a pseudonarcissism as a traumatic responce they learned bc surviving with a narcissist means you should become their equal to defend yourself and to move along with them. It's really a momentary choice psyche makes depending on amount of it's resouce - to maintain sanity losing stability or to lose sanity to maintain stability. That is how this responce works.

​@@nea.skitsano she described npd

No amount of empathy will help someone who only cares about their own feelings. When you're broken beyond repair and the only way to cope is to destroy everyone and everything around you, you are beyond help.

@@sarahwagland1559 the physciatry in itself is profound, i am a recovering borderline, its a subconcious brain washing to the victim and perpetrators, all imprinting, its a fantasy they are locked into and never asked to be part of, I am cluster B only ones get a window out. There go i but for the grace of god. I am the by products of malignant narrcassism , while being a huge part of my own problems subconciously so i do feel your pain.

Wait... you're saying people WITH npd should be treated with care and others should show sympathy for them?? If that is true, you can go duck yourself

I dont think that you have npd because a npd never accepts their situation

I think golden children can get npd

Thankyou so much for this 💜

Great comment ❤

That's exactly what Sam Vatknin says...for this reason there is more hope for borderlines to change than for pw NPD. Pw NPD have too much ego...pw BPD have too little ego.

It's also partly genetic.

​@@trentbacker9562 All forms of psychopathy have a strong genetic component.

I can imagine. You can just feel the familiarity, the experience, that comes from thoughtful work with many patients, and reflection on the work.

Yes, exactly! My sister's ex is shouting everywhere that he has been declared all "clear" that there is nothing wrong with him. Because psyciatrist said so. Well, let me just tell you...😅 He is so hard level narcissist/sociopath that he does not understand where he goes wrong in his behavior and why he does not get empathy from police, social workers or lawyers 😅 But if you talk to him for an hour face to face, he comes over as misunderstood lovely man. He is pushing on agenda that it is my sister who is a narcissist and has got psychologist to declare to him: "Yes she sounds like a narcissist based on your story". After that he has gone to narcissist abuse support groups...from where he got kicked out as they recognized him for what he is. But he is attending therapy and is committed to it. So there is hope! For him and to us!

It's definitely psychologist fault and rather their incompetence. Bad psychologist will blame the non npd and try to change them cause it's easier while good one knows who's the real problem

Don't be too hard on yourself mate! Im BPD with GAD and I'm glad you shared. It means a lot to see more peoples perspectives on whats in my head to some extent.

"Quiet BPD". Utter nonsense. Might just as well say "pink BPD". A BPD cannot self-reflect, so your long rambling statement means nothing. Much more likely to be an attention seeker.

Quiet BPD is not a recognized clinical term. You are a Borderline period, you simply are better at internalizing your emotions rather than impulsively acting out.

​@@theonlydjtopcatI agree with you. Yet one's who lack a key symptom like impulsivity, i believe diagnostics say it's not a full on bpd. Well, itll probably evolve and become clearer with time. Or what s your idea on that?..

I agree there is no such thing as quiet borderline@@theonlydjtopcat

Oh my mom is a narc too! I'm curious about howto get rid of narc family completely

​@@nnnnnaa3480cut ties

Did you ever look into CPTSD?

@@purplefinch29 I just did, and it mentioned talk and medication therapy. I have been through all that in the early days when my life caused psychosis in me. But as they say, a borderline is more able to change and recover, were as a narc will rarely get well.

exactly right ..my sister

My entire family

They know.. and most of them are females

Running away from them gets to them...because the fantasy they are trying to hook you in,you are refusing..not good it leaves them in the reality

Yes. Why on earth would they need help, when it's the world that's wrong? Nothing to work with, there.

check out "still face experiment", it might be eye opening. As it pretty much describes the emotional motivations behind borderline behavior.

Hi, i have some question for you. My grandmother has some narcissitic traits and she was taking care of me most of my childhood. And i did not had a strong sense of self it was difficult to identify myself with stuff. Everybody "seemed to had a sense of self" except for me. But I met a lot of narcissist during my life and the last ones made me focus on my childhood trauma cause i knew there os smth more to the situation,smth karmic going on. But i read someqhere that all narsissistic are codependants and codependants are not narc though they have a lot of similar traits(due to being raised by other narc). And i read there is also a linkage between borderline and narcissism and sometimes they co-exists. I wonder what is the difference between borderline and narc and if u have been diagnosed.... i would be thankful if u could help me with some info.

Allie Raetz Hi, i have some question for you. My grandmother has some narcissitic traits and she was taking care of me most of my childhood. And i did not had a strong sense of self it was difficult to identify myself with stuff. Everybody "seemed to had a sense of self" except for me. But I met a lot of narcissist during my life and the last ones made me focus on my childhood trauma cause i knew there os smth more to the situation,smth karmic going on. But i read someqhere that all narsissistic are codependants and codependants are not narc though they have a lot of similar traits(due to being raised by other narc). And i read there is also a linkage between borderline and narcissism and sometimes they co-exists. I wonder what is the difference between borderline and narc and if u have been diagnosed.... i would be thankful if u could help me with some info.

Yup, story of my childhood.

Yes. Alcoholic father: neglectful, mean, condescending, untrustworthy, overall bad being. Mother: overly compensative, modelled fear based responses, controlling, invalidating my t, emotions. BPD is known as complex PTSD. It is trauma based and forms due to our origin of family. Flawed humans, creating flawed humans.

Thanks for this.

Many bds will never apologize Or even address issues

​@@heythere6983 You can't read minds tho, it's Internalized 🤷

@@heythere6983 Then can you confirm they aren't narcissists?

​@@heythere6983maybe it's narcs. How can you tell

Borderlines have high emotional empathy, low cognitive.

BPD sufferers have empathy and BPD is treatable and can be cured.

Never seen a Narcissist shed a tear my tears could fill an entire ocean we are not the same NPD's are sadist we are masochists

Everything you are saying is true. The masochism as a personality style is inaccessible to a narcissist even though that’s what’s inside them. The borderline never developed a false self. The borderline for better or for worse is the true self.

@@GMarieBehindTheMask thats because of the narcissistic defences that are solid, while as a borderlines you fluctuate between narcissistic defences and not having them. Borderlines can be as cold as a narcissist, but only momentarily if its not challenged. Narcissistic defences require the family to cater to them. On borderlines this does not happen, and when the child tries to engage in narcissistic defences the family does not approve it. This is why if a borderline is in the narcissistic phase, and you get angry at them.. they will just turn into a child. But they will always try to be the narcissist, basically testing the limits of the people they are dealing with.

G marie.... could not agree more... Borderline personality disorder....is the result of severe narcissistic abuse. There’s also a good amount, of different types of borderline personality disorder. My father...whom, never did, never will...deserve such a “title”...as, I now refer to him as only, my sperm donor (to those closest to me)...is BY far, the furthest, most repulsive-demonic...type of individual, I’ll ever try to be like. Not even, on a subconscious level. That’s because, thank you god, I’m not entirely incapable of holding empathy for others. Myself, and MANY...people w/ bpd, are fully capable of practicing empathy. Narcissists on the other hand, are incapable..yes, even towards their own children. Even if their mask, is academy ward winning talent....I assure you, this is due to their child doing something, they’re “proud” of...making their child, an extension of them...so yes, they’re praise and demonstrate acts of love... but, oh how that act, will had have never existed...if god forbid, their child is being a child, does not get whatever it is right, and now...”THIS MAKES A FOOL” out of the narc parent. Btw, this goes for overt and covert. Those with borderline, experience every emotion the average human being exist with, times one hundred... Because of this being the case, there is also a difference between, someone without bpd that struggles with clinically diagnosed depression...and someone with bpd, diagnosed with depression. This isn’t being pointed out, as a way to compete over which is more severe than the other. It’s pointed out, because they’re simply, different than each other...(anyone can research it, I’ve already ranted far too much, to elaborate lol) Although, (depending on the talent) many overt/covert narcissists, can come to shedding a few tears..when in need of them; this isn’t genuine. If it is...9/10...the tears are for themselves. Perhaps, they’ve been caught cheating...the tears are falling. You bet your ass, they’re going to take full advantage...of claiming those tears, are in the name of love...how, much they “always f*** the best things up”...(that’s more likely to come from a covert, actually)... desperately hoping, their victim....the only one that has the right to be crying, will go along with the deflection, and reassure them...”it’s not all messed up, we can work on this..” not knowing, those tears were only produced, due to being caught..or in fear of losing their primary supply, before they were able to successfully, secure option b...to be a for sure go... lol you’ll never catch a narc, being cocky or okay about a relationship ending...unless they’re the one initiating it...or they were about to initiate it any day... because, they’ve got someone else to take your place, anyways. But...expect a Hoover, a month to 6 months..or, anytime randomly...for the rest of your life, if you don’t cut their ass off...where they deserve to be, UNABLE to even reach you. I wish more people, were aware, that bpd is the only personality disorder, that is truly....capable of AND....MOST TIMES...very open, to receiving help. They do not, absolutely do not...enjoy the way they feel. It fucking hurts. It hurts those they love, when they lash out unintentionally...and hurting those they love, hurts them. Guilt sets it.... as though, they’ve killed that person. You will not find these things, in even the deepest cracks, of the narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths...mind. Although, there are more personality disorders to list...im only discussing these three, in comparison of bpd, cause they’re the most associated. Or, as I feel...”wrongly, associated”... A great example, of how important...comorbidities, play a huge role, in the misconception of those who have bpd...not comorbid with any other personality disorders.....is Jodi Arias.... from what I’ve read, she had been diagnosed with bpd, long before....her disgraceful ass, murdered Travis Alexander. There are lots and lots of people out there....that will always associate bpd, with the lunatic...murderer, Jodi arias. As though, bpd could not already have, so much more of a shit rep...it already had, without jodi’s help.... I mean, there’s really nothing I believe can be done, to fix the stigma around bpd... People could do their own, deep dive...research, and learn so much.... But at the end of the day, if someone goes into it, already having a bad experience, with ONE person...whom, could have been diagnosed or undiagnosed, from what I’ve seen for myself, it sucks... there are so many, that refuse to think any differently, than their opinion; bpd being on the same level as NPD. For those, who’ve gone a very very long time, undiagnosed with bpd.... I don’t doubt that those around them, have struggled greatly, with them.. (depending on the type of bpd) but also, if they have even a few traits, of the other cluster b disorders. I can tell you all this, or whoever comes along and runs into my....disgustingly long comment; not every person..who lives with borderline personality disorder, are bad. And, often times...when coming off as being manipulative, some genuinely don’t realize, they’re being manipulative. There is a reason, there are more people...clinically diagnosed with bpd, than there are...clinically diagnosed narcissists...or sociopaths, psychopaths. This is because, those three disorders, do not see they are the reason behind their issues, or the issues they cause for others. Unlike those with bpd... if they’re more severe, really causing chaos for those they love, it may not even seem as though they’re phased by your pain, but they are. And they seek help. Not for just themselves, but for those they love. They want to change. And the most tragic thing of all, I feel....is what I mentioned at the very beginning... bpd being the result (most commonly)...of severe abuse...(generally, from a narcissist..or very..very narcissistic individual)...its unfortunate, the disorder lands them, being in the same group as who was once their abuser, or sometimes perceived as being worse. It isn’t my opinion; absolutely a fact... borderlines, feel for other human beings emotions/situations. As for those with NPD, the frontal lobe is undeveloped...stumped at 6... while having the responsibility as now an adult, to VERY well know...they have issues, but for them...it is much easier, to make everyone else the reason for any and all issues....ANYDAY...over, getting in to see a psychologist. Addressing trauma...and if their NPD wasn’t caused by trauma/neglect...and was due to their parents never teaching them correctly...that, they’re not the most important individual, in the entire world, that...they always win, no matter the rules to the game... that, being just them...makes them entitled to having anything they ask for. The point is, they’re adults and they know wrong from right... they don’t want their victims to know, they know that...they don’t want their victims to know, wrong from right...ultimately. As much as I’ve wanted to declare myself, as having no mercy for these individuals; many times I find myself unable to help it. But because, they will fucking drain your soul from you, if you let them know...you feel for their true issues...this is what fuels my disgust for them. It’s an unfortunate disorder...just like bpd is....but for NPD, it’s fucking undoubtably, unfortunate....for every person, that ends up in their life. Btw, I understand...those with npd, have been known to seek counseling on their own (so, very rarely) but, not only is it rare....it’s gotta be literally, a life or death...life changing reason, to get them in there. Maybe divorce is the reason, they need to save their marriage... it has to be something, that shatters that mask, where it won’t go back on the same, as they knew it. Other than that...it’s normally just more dangerous, for them to be in there, outside of those circumstances. They will use everything they learn, as a collection of tools...to add to their mask.

@@GMarieBehindTheMask I have a relative who's been dxed, and I have seen them cry, but it has always been about self pity. Just my personal experience.

Unhealthy people are drawn into relationships with other unhealthy people. Individuals with cluster b personality disorders are not drawn to healthy individuals…nor are healthy individuals drawn to those with mental illnesses. I’m not demonizing you, rather informing you of reality.

@@DrPhilGoodenot true. Everything needs balance so what you say i wrong. Sorry

@@DrPhilGoodeyou are wrong. The one need the others for balance so is more typical that they meet to balance eachother.

@@Olivianorwayyy Wow, you bring up a lot of good, no great…points. I’m sure many of them will be shared mental health professionals for years to come. Not just ground breaking, EARTH SHATTERING.

May be you're npd？？because my friends (once)is npd，just bpd can toreate npd.that’s terrible

Exactly .

And how about a borderline with vulnerable (and/or some grandiose) narcissistic traits?

No dude, my brother and I both have borderline. I know a few other diagnosed borderlines, their siblings are all disordered cluster-b. Same family, same reslut give or take a few traits. It might be your borderlines are just devaluing themselves...or their siblings were adopted in late.

@@overimagination2812 I agree me and my brother are disordered him more than me only because i seeked help. But we both struggle

Yes, that all makes sense to me after looking at my own family of origin. I found an old photo om my sister and I with our parents when I was about 7 and both parents are fully engaged with my sisters activities whilst ignoring me, only two feet away from her. Interesting idea.

it can be, also she could have other disorders as well, you can have a few...

She could, and for example, my 'ex' was clinically-diagnosed as BPD, with NPD 'co-morbidity' (aka, has symptoms of both).

Mine too. Everything points to it. The never ending fighting my parents had going for decades. My dad said I got put in the trick looking at me probably in my early teens. It wasn't until he died that I realized everything. Not good. Parental alienation and my stupidity. Life not fair. Lord have mercy. Grief.

He got put in the trick and hence so did I. Sorrow for all. Next life has to be better.

So sorry 😞 same here

That is because they all border close to other disorders where the person became evil..society has labeled mental health issues as evil to a degree... And almost rightfully so at times. But not for the few with mental disorders who don't become evil to those around them.

Please just get out, don't do this to yourself.

What are their chances of recovery

yes, this please!

@@sharonwebb562 We are on it. Soon as we shoot are next batch, this question will be in the mix. Thanks for caring to put that question forth.

@@sharonwebb562 Zero. Therapy and medication might bring some enlightment, but ageing helps best.

Ask the BPD partner who's being punished?

*Some* punish themselves. I was very much in the group of internalising things and being self destructive. But there are some that do take things out on others and are abusive. We mustn't diminish that untreated people can be very toxic and damaging to those around them.

@@robertdeskoski9783 and some others around them.

This is not always true.

So true

Because it's bs. They literally described bpd and called it npd. They have no clue. No one does at this point tbh. There are just assumptions but no one knows what exactly turns one into bpd or npd

Bet there are full videos somewhere.

Ok fatty

NPDs have empathy.. And I believe we can change (I mean human NPDs, not sure about the troll type).

Yes NPD has empathy yet lowered, as i red they use it when they need it so its existent. But ill put it this way you have selctive ciracle o people you show it to and not to others. It's drastic a little since my explanation of full thing would require me to make the whole video.@@ThreetwoOne-wu7ye

Thank you. We will relay to our awesome DP!

Yes it's become the rallying cry of every woman it seems on social media.

is your mom diagnosed by a medical professional? please do not self diagnose another person

Sorry to hear and I hope you can heal from BPD/ CPTSD like I did.

Elene Gusch, you are absolutely gorgeous, hope you are not with a narcissist 😈!

How do you feel now?

Get diagnosed. Otherwise leave the narc asap. Your Borderline might be C-PTSD.

Thank you thank you! We are so glad this is helpful to you!!!!

I grew-up in a cave. Darkness covered my life. It was a harrowing childhood. Stay away. The world is dangerous. Still can't feel. It's a cold world,

I can relate to this

I can relate and so sorry for your experience…

Please look up bpd brain abnormalities mri scans. People with real bpd show on mri scans that they have by definition, brain damage. One main result of childhood trauma by sexual abuse,( most bpd have been sexually abused as a child) and physical or mental abuse, is the amygdala either not developing or atrophied later on. Many parts of the brain basically not working properly. New medicine is needed to stop, treat or repair parts of the brain. Most bpd get abused first and then when they seek help they get abused(blamed) again. I spent 2 years researching and absolutely no one gives a hoot about bpd folk. Study the brain then learn what makes parts of the brain 'happy'. It takes time but its worth it. X

Exactly. That's why therapy is BS. They look for real safety and empathy that they didn't get from their effed up families not some paid stranger telling them how to react

You= movie junkie

We have empathy, so many misconceptions. Not your fault. But we have 'impaired empathy' just like BPDs and he rest of the DSM exceot ASOD.. I don't think I am evil to the core.. Serial killer.... No! Lol. I suggest you -check the DSMV-TR sectio III. You must refer to someone else although I don't want to through ASODs under the bus. Evil doesn't go by a label

Now imagine how Narcissist feels. Because in a while we will know how to treat them and then they will say exactly the same as you here. They'll be like "Many people still think we are just like Psychopath :( ". They sad, sad people.

Insulting npds is a good thing in your mind?

I know the difference. My mom was BPD, and though relationships were hard for her and us, she was capable of loving and being loved. Blessed you sweetie❤

@@justadult3493 It's narcissistic.

Dr.Ramani said that 38% of people with BPD also have NDP.

Narcs have more stability than people with BPD, but not compared to 'normals'.

@@colywogable And it's utter, anti-scientific bullshit. The borderline structure is what lies beneath the narcissist. Narcissism is basically a defense against the same structure that causes BPD. But they go in completely opposite directions. NPD lacks any capacity for empathy, BPD has overt capacity for empathy, for example. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-DlopY4DfFV4.html

Ramani is the archetype of a Narcissist herself. Careful with her...

Well, Borderlines usually THINK they're empathetic. But the people they live with are a more accurate judge of that.

This is exactly how I feel

Spoiling is a form of emotional neglect... same as feeding a kid as much junk food as they want is dietary neglect even though you're not starving them, but rather overindulging them. Spoiling leaves you emotionally underdeveloped, dependent on cheap dopamine hits, incompetent to handle your own mind and emotions, lacking basic adult skills... all because your parents were unwilling or unable to actually do the work of teaching and raising a challenging child, they found it easier to just pacify you so that you would shut up and stop crying to get more complex needs met. It LOOKS like the opposite of emotional neglect, but this appearance is extremely deceptive. It's cutting corners to avoid actually addressing a child's emotions, "teaching a man to fish" and so on.

Mine is the same. His mother still goes crazy over his "beauty" and asks him if I make him his dinners. She sucks and I have to get out of here. Hoping I dont have the heart attack.

@@ImpulsoCreativo9322 Once you begin to connect the dots and make sense of the confusion, strangeness, and chaos, you realize the "better life" choices will need to come from your head and not your heart, even when you know it's going to suck.

@@willcross5512 true. Praying God gives me clarity to always make the right choices

Why would you pay the bills for a grown man? And even have him in your house.

RainSara the problem Is if you’ve ever been abused by a narcissist you would struggle to hear what you are saying. I went through 10 years of verbal, emotional and physical abuse because I DID acknowledge he was human.

L Peacelovefaith Every disorder has a spectrum, some npds are more violent and antagonistic, some are less. Saying that every NPD is abusive and “demon spawn”(as many refer on internet) is wrong.

L Peacelovefaith, I'm sorry you've been abused by a narcissist. I too was abused by a narcissist and I had/have narcissistic tendencies of my own. I too believe we should acknowledge that we are all human, and have empathy for one another. That doesn't mean you should repress whatever feelings you might have after being abused by a narcissist. Your feelings are valid, whether it is anger or sadness or anything else you feel. On loving a narc, having empathy for him/her or acknowledging he/she is human, however, I learned one thing: You can only love someone if you love yourself first. And sometimes, the best way to love someone is to impose boundaries with that person, or to leave him/her and not contact him/her again. Because by tolerating abuse we are only enabling that person, preventing him/her for growing. Protecting yourself from abuse is an act of love not only towards yourself but also towards another person. I found this realization to be very healing.

Bashing on Narcissists? Wow, I am sure that Narcissists are looking you up. I promise you won't say this if one locks on you.

Meet one, suffer the abuse and then the years of them trying to destroy your life when you're done and then you'll change your mind. They're absolute wastes of oxygen the lot of them and should never be allowed children.

My mother and father were both diagnosed with NPD - they are demons, and dangerous. My father loved to bring home his 'friends' whom he admired - they were all convicted multiple-murderers. Evil.

Could you be loved? - Bob Marley I Am That I Am - Peter Tosh

You are born with a personality. Like height and facial distinction, it doesn't show right away. And of course, environment and experiences shape your genetically assigned predilections.

It's a sh-t place to reside in.

@@zer0creative930 a shit show everyday a recurring nightmare!

I wish I could grow a shell...

@@chosenslytherin2075 Date me or any other rage-filled borderline and not the quiet type, we'll almsot force you to grow one as a shell is all we got. I think male borderlines are more pissed off, more externalizing...generally.

Sweet N Shy Slytherin no you don’t. Really.

@@chosenslytherin2075 Better to inform yourself on narcs. You'll see the red flags. Then run...

How can we differentiate the two? I believe I am a narcissist, but being aware of my traits doesn’t make it any easier for me to address them and make positive change. I struggle with my love relationship all the time.

@@DanieleManca1983 Nothing wrong with the narc, the narc says. And no soul searching on YT, I can assure you. If you are aware of narcissistic traits you more likely are a narcissisist's victim. Do you have empathy? If you have, check out C-PTSD.

@@marcharsveld2914 I think I do have empathy, just don’t know how to rank how much of it.

​@@DanieleManca1983 I really feel for you and don't have time to write much now, so I'll just mention that Dr Mark Ettensohn from Heal NPD and Dr Diana Diamond have had success with assisting highly narcissistic people, if you're still interested. 😊

How do you figure, I think they both more similar then different. Research shown bpd have less empathy too. Also the upbringing is definitely not always the problem. Some children have bad upbringing and become kind empathic children others have good upbringing and are just bad people.. I think we are giving people way too much empathy where it is not deserved. As an adult everybody is responsible for themselves no excuses to treat other badly..

Ask the folks around you. If they pity you, you're a BPN. If they hate you, you're a NPD. Nobody around? Definitely a narc.

Talk to a therapist about your symptoms

as a borderline i can testify that i am difficult but i have tons of empathy, can sense what others feel for them, i wonder all the time why i can't make people love me, i see beauty in kind people etc.....please anyone trying to lump us with narcissists tread carefully!

​​@@leahflower9924 I don't understand why you guys care so much, like what beauty is there in anyone

Yeah exactly. Otherwise you are insignificant and unworthy. I am confused with bpd and npd.

I did it by causing trouble, getting arrested, etc... minor stuff.. never grew into an antisocial.

This is a way to seek external validation through teachers, peers, because we received none at home.

Yeah. Being ill, being "gifted", and getting top grades. Like a racehorse.

My Father Makes Me Suffer - Plum Village This helped me.

is your parent diagnosed by a medical professional? please do not self diagnose another person

Same I was sadistically abused mentally & physically by my Narc Mom she may even be a psychopath They should do more on what kind of parents Borderlines had to endure and contributed to them developing BPD also my stepfather pretty positive was/is a Psychopath

You will never break out of your prison if you keep blaming someone else.

@@pmazurek559 very invalidating

Michelle judd She suffers for her "sins". Everyday. Narcs are the most miserable people out there. Karma is real. I would tell her you forgive her. That would be the best "revenge". If you finally let go of her. You have to forgive her, not for her but for your own wellbeing.

And it could be they had emotionally unavailable parents, or even some verbal or physical abuse while everything seemed stabled from the outside. It boils down to psychological abuse. The borderline is always scapegoated and bullied emotionally by their caretakers. Often ignored as well.

this is true! i am diagnosed with NPD and i was raised in an extremely abusive household ever since i was a little girl. NPD is so demonized on the internet which comes from the lack of understanding of what NPD actually is :( i wish people would be more understanding, were just traumatized

Good ol pretentious internet comment

Still not too late for a good therapy, as long as you're alive! Apparently dbt is the really helpful one, but you probably already know.

What are your best ways of coping with BPD and maintaining long-term goals?

@@mYcRiSpDiScK Make your goal a priority and stay focused. A priority over relationships. I also suggest reading "Building a Life Worth Living." by Marsha Linehan, who had BPD and still reached her life goal.