Jordan Peterson makes the point in one of his videos that 95% of women will have JOBS, and not careers. Most of us will never be the vice president or the chairman. And the few women I know who did achieve that level in corporations were fired after holding those positions for a few years. Sorry, but it’s true. So he makes the point that most women are exchanging their opportunity to be a mother for nothing but a paycheck. And that we should be very careful and thoughtful about making that choice.
That’s true for MOST people. Even the men I know with well paying jobs are software developers etc. still just jobs. Not CEOs or presidents or anything with any real power. Just a skilled job.
I am in my 60s. When I began my career at about age 25, the big corporation I worked for didn’t pretend that women were going to continue in their careers after they had children. The rare woman who chose to put her career before her kids was an anomaly. Because you know, it was just a stupid job. And was not worth trading away the well-being of your family. Money and career have become like drugs in our society today. We chase after our fix of career and financial success while we throw away our relationships with our family. No different than an alcoholic.
the thing is they are getting to the age when they are not gonna want to spend all that time with you so you need to get past it before you get your feelings hurt.
In my 37 year careet, I witnessed the same thing. Motherhood is so much more important than working outside the home. Women are a higher order than men on many levels. Men are cavemen who simply want to provide. I am one of them! I have never met a mother who is as fulfilled working outside the home than mothering their children. That is how it is supposed to be and clearly is biologically and in practice.
I’d never go back. Until my kids are grown. I just want to have kids and enjoy them and raise them right. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world 😊
Thats because we give lots of lip service to caring about kids, but we don't. We care about ourselves. Kids are secondary to most people, and its easy to see with how a lot of them behave in school.
The issue is that a woman CANNOT be a stay at home without a supportive husband…the problem is many men will not take on the full Financial responsibilities….they feel that their wives are now “ lazy” and will not support his wife staying home…ofcourse not every man is like this, But most women I meet tell me they wish they can stay home but their husbands won’t financially be able to support them and therefore have to work and never get to enjoy being a stay at home mother
My youngest will be 12 soon. (I've been at home with babies for almost 22 years.) I recently asked my husband if he WANTS me to go back to work as the younger kids need me less and eventually move out (I could earn $ to help with our retirement.). "No" was his resounding answer. He'd rather have the next 20+ years with me and still have the home and family supported. Isnt it sad that I still feel my worth is tied to what I can/could earn? I'm working on it though. :-) Starting to dream about what I'll be interested in doing once I'm not needed full time as mom and teacher.
You've proved your worth to your husband and that is a great compliment. The fact that he thinks you at home is more valuable than an income is really saying something. Your (occasional) help could be appreciated when your own children start raising families and I have seen a lot of older women become very skilled at things like sewing, gardening, baking, food preservation, etc. The options are endless. Who needs a "job"?
I consciously picked motherhood first. Married in college at age 22. Spent my 20s having babies, got my first work contract on my 30th birthday. My sister put career first and is now chair of her department at a major institution of higher learning and making bank-she called me in tears on her last birthday, worried she won’t get her own kids. She’s also struggling to find a good guy who isn’t intimidated by her. Life is not about success or money.
your sister probably can find a man, but she suffers from hypergamy, ie; she wants a man at her income/status level, those men are limited, and usually want younger women, men will marry down, women won't do that, men don't care about a woman's income, resume, etc., they want young wives who are fit, cooperative, and feminine
That’s so sad. I feel so bad for all these women putting off kids and then realizing it may be too late and being devastated. I have family members like this too. But they wouldn’t listen to reason when they were younger. I was the weird girl getting married at 19… I have the happiest life, little kids running around our family home. And now they want what I have. The regret must be enormous.
MALE HERE: It is not really intimidated - as much as it is: 1 Be Able to feel USEFUL and respected/respectable 2 Her Hypergamy - can she 'lower her lifestyle' to be with a guy that makes less money? 3 Will she stop working after having kids >> and depend on him? Those are the 3 questions that most guys are kibd of asking themselves in their heads and sort of answering No to in their heads 😮😮😮😮😢😢😢 MAYBE EVEN WITHOUT HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HER ABOUT IT. 😮😮😮 😢😢😢 Those are my 2 cents on that topic. It comes of as intimidation but it is alot of these things going on in the guy's head.
Your sister might need to understand that a good man is not “intimidated”. Best to consider that claim to be a convenient, ego validating, story that many people tell themselves. I’d suggest that’s generally a cope for a character that repels good men.
I agree with all her points... And yet... There have been too many instances of men failing as protectors and providers in my family alone. I cannot imagine putting myself in such a vulnerable position as to either have to tolerate abuse or be broke. I'm grateful to the generations of women who saw this injustice and laboured to give me the CHOICE of paycheck or baby and for me, it's a paycheck (ie independence). The cost/benefit just isn't mathing, but to each her own. That's the whole point.
I completely agree with this. There is no way I would entrust my livelihood solely to another person. It makes absolutely no sense to me. I know two men in their early 50s - both married long term. One has been very sick for a few months and remains hospitalized, the other died suddenly in a car accident. I know of another woman who gave up her career as an RN 18 years ago. Her husband became abusive and controlling. She hasn't worked in 18 years and is now getting a divorce. Most married couples I know - both of them work. They have to. It's just not feasible to live on one income. Would it be nice to completely trust the man you are married to that he won't walk away or cheat on you? Absolutely. Is it a good idea? I don't think so given what I have seen. Even in trustworthy situations, very unexpected things can happen. Sorry for my long response, but I completely agree with you given what I have seen.
I agree with you completely. Women *should* get to stay with their children as their full-time work - it’s most natural and therefore fulfilling and rewarding (at least probably for the majority of women) but I can’t help but think about my own mom who has been the only consistent provider in my house my whole life (I’m 28 now but have a sister who is still under 18). My dad hasn’t been able to keep a job most of my life, and without mom’s consistent work at the company she’s been at my whole life, we could have been on the streets. It didn’t take away from her being the best and most supportive, loving mom I could have ever hoped for in life. She loves her job but I’m positive she would have loved to be able to be a full time mom instead, but she never had that privilege to stay at home with us Monday through Friday 9-5, unfortunately. I personally am single and have no children yet, and I feel absolutely no fulfillment in my career. Only feel fulfilled in the couple of jobs I’ve had that have allowed me to be a nurturer (or work with children). I think I’ll read this woman’s book as I do really wanna change my life, but also keep in mind that finding a man to give me and our children the ideal sort of life where I stay home and raise them without working myself is not afforded all women, unfortunately.
I recently had my first baby with my husband. We are 27 and 25. I was working at a hospital as an RN, but did not return to work after my maternity leave. My husband is more than happy to be our provider and he wants to be. We are on the same page in terms of me staying home with our children and taking care of the home, traditional roles. However, I feel so pressured by everyone else to work outside of the home. Even a family member I have a lot of respect for said to me, “you’re going to give up the career you worked so hard for!?” Well yes, because my family is WAY more important to me. It’s sad and frustrating. It feels as though you are looked down upon when you choose this path rather than earning a paycheck
Honestly your family members should not comment. YOUR choice YOUR business to stay home. I was an Early Childhood Educator for 7 years in my field, college educated to boot. Walked away from my career, worked part time cash in a grocery store. Eventually became pregnant in 2001 and 2005 to my boys. Never looked back continued working part time 2 shifts a week or 10 hours a week, centered around hubby's work schedule. Been married 28 years now , left the part time job 4 years ago and love being a housewife. It goes by in a blink of an eye, my oldest is 22 and moved out, bought a home with his partner last year, my youngest is in college at 19. You don't get a do over trust me. You will not regret this choice to raise your child. Take it from someone who worked in day care, you do not want your kids in one.
I love your consistent message. To me corporate never had the appeal of nurturing a child and honestly a child's value is a million times more important than any job. . . I wish jobs understood that. . . especially jobs I have had that discuss and claim to prevent ACES (adverse childhood events)
This is EXACTLY why I fought so hard to be a stay at home wife/momma!! I was never taught how to find a godly husband, I was barred from learning how to be a homemaker, so I rebelled so hard! I regret the method of my rebellion, but I never regret fighting for the life I now have.
The kicker to me is that these women overcompensate for the lack of bond with their own children. They drive an Escalade, go to Hawaii three tines a year, the kids have Apple watches in first grade, they go to private school, etc. Yet, they claim that they HAVE to work to pay the bills. WTF?!?! No, you work because you are a consumerist who puts looking good in materialistic ways over the well-being of your own children! And we wonder why students are uncontrollable and entitled in the classroom. 🙄
The national average salary in the U.S. in Q4 of 2023 was $59,384. ( and half those will make less than that) - and take into account that you'll pay roughly 37% in taxes in a year ( from your property taxes, income, sales right down to the pack of gum you might buy) and only 15% to 18% make 100k yr - Hardly seems most people/ couples will be whisking off to Hawaii. ( unless Dad or Mom are paying for it?) I would imagine even with the best of budgeting ,and planning - There has to be a lot stress and contention ( fighting) over money in these marriages - I was talking to guy (50) just yesterday and he was telling me his wife was stay at home mother, and during those years he worked between 2 to 3 jobs off,and on. He said the biggest regret he had about it was he never really knew his kids until they were teenages.
@@Leo-mr1qz Well made they can afford to do it whether they had kids or not, she's sahm, but I would say the vast majority can not, and file for Gov assistance.
@sitka49 The mast majority of people do not file for or live off of welfare! That's a misconception. Women who stay at home go on vacations, too. The point of my o.p. was that some women would go out of their way to living in excess to avoid taking care of their own children, are despicable. That was my point. 🤦🏾♀️
Well, it depends on how committed the woman is to being a mother. Alot of women use the excuse of a job to abandon being a mother and their career doesn't suffer, but the kids do. I confronted my mother in my 30s as to why she was never a mother. She said I couldn't because "I had to go to work".
@@misspiscesdreamz You can work and have children and still "prioritize' children, this is not about that though,its about women who cant or dont wan to walk and chew gum at the same time... Kids dont need that much parenting, this is about the moms....
@@Fearlessly91A marriage the way that God intended has a leader and the woman submits to that leadership. The man therein in treats her with the utmost respect and love.
When I had my baby , I knew I was going to pursue opening a childcare , my mother suggested I go back to work for the benefits and put my child in daycare lol . I have always felt drawn to being a mother first ! Every thing else second ! I literally would be sick thinking about dropping my new born off to be cared for by someone else who has no attachment or love to offer as I would ! Thank you for diving into this topic !
Prior to getting married, I transitioned to a part time job when I enrolled in grad school my plan was to return full time after graduation. In my last year of school I had my first baby and realized I will never work full time while my children are young. While pregnant, I felt bad about myself for not already having a full time job lined up after maternity leave. I never expected to feel a strong pull away from career but now I am so grateful that I didn’t have to learn this lesson the hard way.
Suzanne, I love your videos and as an aspiring author of a book (I've only published articles), I applaud your efforts. I wonder though, and maybe you addressed this, if the genie is out of the bottle and can't get back in. As a father of 3 sons, I am not sure I want my sons to marry a traditional woman any more. Let me explain: A. Traditional women are the most ruthless in divorce according to divorce attorneys. B. Thanks to feminism (we are all positive this wasn't the goal), my sons are now liberated from being sole or primary breadwinners and they are people too. They have goals, aspirations, dreams. As Chris Rock joked, they don't have to wake up every morning and look iln the mirror and say, "F. U! Now.. .le't go make this b. happy!" THat said, I tihnk filipino women have it right - they DO want to work jobs that offer family-worklife balance - nursing and teachers. I honestly wouldn't be oppposed to them traveling abroad for a wife who entered into that kind of contract. I wonder if you address this - the other half - men, in your book. I love your thoughts and perspective though.
Well, I'm 41, 23 weeks pregnant with my third child, just when my youngest is about to turn 11. So I'm wondering if I will ever go to work. Luckily as an artist I can still do stuff from home when I can between cooking meals from scratch and doing homework with the boys. I miss work but do not regret it. Half of my oldest son have to take Maths tutoring to keep up. I neve had to pay for suvh a thing or for day care/ kindergarten. I never had to order food, I neihad to pay someone to clean my home. And I did that math early on when my kids were small.
I feel so very confused! You continue to make claims about what women want that are in distinct contradiction to what I have and continue to experience, especially with my own family. And women who do want to stay home with children want to do it without a husband, or dad for the children, or else with a partner she doesn’t have to sleep with, and without having to live on less. Where are these women you’re talking about? I don’t know any! Wait, I might know two of them. But that’s all.
LETS SEE HOW A WOMAN FEELS WHEN FINDING OUT YOUR MAN CHEATED ON YOU AND LEAVE YOU FOR A DIFFERENT WOMAN…..AFTER a while being “ married “ most men in America are doing this …
Where do you get that “most men in America are doing this”? Do you have data to back that up or are you perhaps a bit jaded and biased by your own circumstance. As a Christian woman, I trust God to take care of my family. This alleviates me of any responsibility to prepare for worst case scenario. My job is to prioritize my family and trust Him daily. If the stuff hits the fan one day and I need to support myself and my kids, so be it. I’ll figure it out and trust God in that too. But to make a choice to neglect my family just in case my husband makes a poor choice is putting my own safety and security ahead of what is best for my family. I’ll never regret prioritizing my kids ahead of myself or trusting God for the care of my family. Matthew 6:26-34
I think you should ask these women why their husbands cheated on them. I notice that a lot of these women know why their husbands cheated. Next time ask that woman what did she do to cause him to cheat on her. Derek Jackson is the perfect example for why he cheated on his wife and divorced her. You should hear his wife’s side of the story! She admitted that she was also to blame too.
Nope. We're not. In fact, a whole lot of us do exactly what you ladies say you want. And you still treat us poorly. It's almost as if you don't know what you want...
