One Thing All Girls Need to Stop Doing 

As a guy with a group of guy friends, same!

Been there, done that. Our school had rows of three tables, which meant all of us had to sit in threes. Most of my friend dynamics ended up being like this because of that. One friend was always toxic, resulting in a bad dynamic.

THIS IS SO TRUE

Exactly, I always thought that too😳

Omg, I have a friend group of 3 too, including me. And we have always gotten along pretty well. It is probably because the 3 of us are on 3 different sides of the spectrum yet our cores are similar. But over the cause of our 5 yrs of friendship, each of us has had a conflict with another, and we would talk to the other person who was not involved and then after a few days or maybe a week of understanding the actual problem we talk to the other person and we solve it.

It must've been interesting growing up with a psychologist parent

Wow that's awesome! Lucky you to have such a smart Mom!

@Boxy Boxboxbox right !! What I was thinking too 🤣🤣🤣

Perfect way to put up a boundary!

@@sitas9827 she’s just as loving as she is smart. I loved every second of it

gosh that sounds so terrible. i can’t relate to the financial transactions part but can definitely relate to the “who’s right” and trash talking. was pretty hard to deal with growing up and still is

My friends are like this, they treat me as the middle owl who goes from one to another.

@@s.a1233 hear you... my sisters!

I relate to the transactional part. I was even accused of stealing some of the money when they didn't give the exact amount to begin with. I started realizing these things when I was 12 and when I was setting my boundaries back then they started calling me as difficult, stubborn and other negative stuff. Pfft.

This sounds like my parents to a t

Same. I'm a guy, and it made me introspect about so many things, despite not being her target audience.

On my bad days I watch her videos and irrespective of the content they always comfort me..

Sameee her advice always hits and im so glad she gives it tbh if you havent you should read her book it has sm

@@Karan-Aujla I read her book!! That's how I got introduced to her actually. It was a while ago but I remember loving every page

Yesssss

Omg trueee 😂😂😂

That image was instantly in my mind while I was listening to Anna

OMFG! YES

Omg yes😂

Saw this movie last night and was just thinking this!

Ron Weesly - Triangulating since the 1990’s

What a relevant example! Thanks for sharing.

haha😄 great example

I thought of the same example as well 🤣

I'm seeing Harry Potter everywhere, I swear to God

Exactly

Also if someone is "friends" with an ex they are probably not an ex. But there are some exceptions like my boyfriends mom is friends with a woman he was friends with benefits with. She is very nice now that we talked more.

@@andyrevan I’m friends with all my exes. They were good people just we were not good couples.

Or they have an obsessive ex, it all depends on the way the person you are dating reacts to that ex not leaving them alone.

There are basically three types of relationships you can have with an ex: The one where you stay in contact with them, but only fight and bicker over the dumbest sh*t imaginable, and one or both of you seek evermore creative ways to hurt the other (most common with co-parents)... The one where you stay in contact with them, and it's like you've become "best buds", telling one another the intimate details of your lives, giving each other advice about life, relationships and everything else, and cry on each other's shoulders over the problems of your newest relationships... And then, the one where you CUT contact with them. You don't call or visit each other. If you happen to cross paths in public somewhere, you exchange a polite "how ya doin'?", and keep moving... but, most likely you will never see nor hear from one another ever again. I prefer the latter...

She mentions that

@Neta S I think she is speaking on the female experience. I don't really feel like she is a pick me. Anna seems to be aware of the male gaze. I just feel like she is a woman making content for other women.

i dont think she said it was only a girl thing...

@@caroljoseph462 Did you watch the first part? She said it was for everyone but for her it was girls

@DescendantsOf Tituba men won't gossip as much as induce a physical confrontation.

Yes, this makes sense. And sometimes, people don't even have to come from an especially abusive background to engage in this behaviour. I've definitely been guilty of it in the past, and both at home and at school, I always felt like being direct and honest about how I felt was considered "rude", and "pushy". I think historically, a lot of girls grow up being taught not to be loud or obtrusive, not to "cause a scene" when something's bothering us, and unfortunately some of these passive-aggressive coping mechanisms can be the result.

FYI I grew up in the exact opposite family. I was never allowed to say what I wanted. I always had to guess what my mom wanted and pretended to want what she wanted, so she won't get verbally abusive with me. I know it's a fairly complicated rule, but I was able to learn it. My mom was immature enough to always throw emotional tantrums whenever I was "wrong". I had to watch out for her feelings all the time, and I had no time to express mine. I still struggle with telling my true opinions or feelings because none of my family members really want it. My depression is "too much of a burden."

Don't feel too bad about it. It is not just about the abuse, it is also about their character. I developed straightforwardness exactly as a reaction to abuse. It was my way of making sense of things and I still get annoyed sometimes at people who circle too much.

I’m happy that you grew up in a very healthy household and start to understand others as well! Good things will come to you for sure have a great day 💕

My parents always told me to speak up and tell them how I feel... But then kept gaslighting me and punishing me for it so I learned to never get too personal with them.

So tell them that. By not being clear with them you're also participating in being dishonest and allowing resentment to fester. I used to find myself in that situation too, and it inevitably happens once in a while, but things didn't get better until I stopped leaning on that as a core part of my identity and started cultivating independent self respect and setting and enforcing reasonable boundaries.

@@stripeytapir you’re right and I need to work on establishing more clear boundaries. I know this is something I struggle with and i know this just allows it to perpetuate!

@@SamElle You can do it! It's uncomfortable and awkward the first couple times for sure but as you get practice with it it become easier and more natural faster than you expect. You got this!

I wouldn't mind to be the middle person of all the gossip...

Don't take that burden on! Tell them you would prefer if they spoke to the other person directly because you don't want to sabotage the relationship you have with either of them (if that's a good enough reason for you).

Wait, could you possibly explain a bit how the triangulation worked for you? I feel like this happens with my mom and sister as well but not sure how to connect the subjects

@lRMWBl this is typical behavior of families w a narcissistic parent. They will pit siblings against each other. Majority of the time therapy will be needed.

lol

But GPS uses multilateration, not triangulation 🤔

@@BalticLab depends on the GPS

@@ireallyreallyhategoogle Show me one that uses triangulation. Trilateration yes, triangulation, no.

@@BalticLab Just searched trilateration and you are right. I thought that was triangulation. btw, my spellchecker didn't even know trilateration was a word.

New relationship maybe? I've heard people glow after getting laid with someone they like. I honestly don't remember, it's been so long.

I feel like there is more cleavage lately, I don’t mind it but she looks like she is really feeling herself, which is awesome

plants in the background. my plants make me unbelievably happy!

it is her new role as a surrogate. pregnancy glow.

I mean, people say that pregnant women have a glow...

I was thinking that, too!!!

Omg!! Reine, I love your videos😁 please notice me 🥺

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKINGGG

@@rishparnadas65 Thank you so much, babe!

haha, true😄

Communicating directly and honestly should be the norm, not the exception.

ru-vid.com/show-UCW6Mhx_ZOXb4q0EkNywrNRg

Oh and I love this: "you can tell me your story, but I will not fix it for you, I will not be an intermediary for you." I am going to write this down to use in my own life! Thanks for sharing your knowledge!

I seriously need this. I didn’t even realise that I do the helping thing and now starting to understand myself. I made boundaries while ago and only realised they still crossing that boundaries. Thank for this

same

do it now

I mean it should be pretty obvious sometimes that people are just shy. I don't know why many immediately don't immediately think that conclusion.

Me neither

I had an ex who literally texted my bff that he is breaking up with me

It can be more subtle than the examples given here. and it’s not always so bad ,but sometimes it can get really unhealthy very quickly if people keep using triangulation to express certain feelings towards someone. One example is when a child asks their mom to ask their dad for them to do something the dad would usually object to if the child themselves were to ask.

@@AintIastinker OOOOOHHHHH

@@AintIastinker well in that case that's happened to me (and I've done it) waayy too many times

Please just talk to him directly. He may not have intended anything bad and would immediately stop if you'd say so. He probably felt comfortable enough with you and trust you enough to put his feelings on the line (if he has no malintent, just shooting his shot), so you having another person talk to him is humiliating and disrespectful. Dunno what you choose in the end.

hehhehe

I mean it curiosity turned into learning so I think it came into a positive result. Now I'm stuck self analyzing everything I do and say

yeee the boiss

yes because BOTH men and women can be toxic but unfortunately most of the time it's men being told what they're doing wrong and women aren't told it enough in today's age.

@@saxenas exactly 💯

Love the hermione reference

Reference appreciated.

It's from the Land of Maple and Free Health Care

It's a Canadian $5 bill!

Thanks.

@@DIDCHOI LMAAOOOO

Its such an awful way to do things. Gossip aint fun. (But very neccessary to stay in the loop).

I had a friend like this and I never used to understand why she would do that. When I had just started high-school and we were both on the hockey team, she would tell me stuff like "everyone on the other team said you were really bad". Or if we did some group project together I would put all the work in and afterwards she would say "I'm never going to be your partner again". Often this says more about that person and their insecurities, they make you feel like you have to earn them. I didn't see it at the time, but things got so much better when I moved schools.

I was also thinking of Dr. Honda! Triangulation isn’t always a bad thing but it can become disfunctional pretty easily

so glad to see this comment! I was ready to comment "if Dr. Kirk Honda has taught me anything it's that triangulation can sometimes be productive"

in my language we call it 'broken telephone', we played it as kids

We call it "silent mail" in German which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Yeah in England, we call it that too.

We call it Chinese whispers in Australia

I used to go to a club called Japanese Whispers, but yes, Chinese whispers is still used occasionally.

I was wondering if triangulation was always manipulative or not... Her example of the cosmo doesn't seem manipulative. But I guess the difference with mediation is that the mediator agreed to act as a third party. I am in a situation similar to what you described, as my parents can't talk to each other, so they ask my brother and I if we have any news about them. We hate being put in this position, but at the same time they really can't have a normal conversation. So it is kind of manipulative because we children are used in a way we didn't agree to, but at the same time what could be a better solution ?

I'm pretty sure you can be stuck in that role for several people. If anything it might be renforced because they see you doing it for others 😅

Yes! Thank you for saying so. I'm really sad that she would promote such a controversial company.

Or get run over by a moose

@@chadfalardeau5396 Or a Goose, commonly known as the Cobra Chicken. Canada has killer animals like Australia plus a freezing winter. Once Covid is gone come up North and watch people fight on ice for fun.

@@Jeff1701A I'm Canadian prairie born and raised. I almost got hit by a deer riding my bike once

@@chadfalardeau5396 I'm in Edmonton I haven't had any close calls, but when I was visiting Newfoundland they would sometimes drive in the centre of the road because of moose.

@@Jeff1701Awhen I go for wailking I've gotten close enough to deer that I could touch them

I feel like this depends on the specifics of your situation, but your vague answer is sorry, conflict is a given. It won’t always be as bad as you think, I promise.

@@louisehelene2006 They do care about how I feel. I think part of it has to do with both of them being very overwhelmed by everything to do with Covid and so don't want any more emotional strain. Which I do understand. The problem is mainly with him, and one of the reasons I broke up with him, he's very manipulative and overly dramatic. For example, when I started dating again, they tried to ask him if he would want to know and he clearly stated that he didn't. Then he found out and got mad at them for not telling him. So they don't want the same situation. But if something like this comes up again I will tell them they have to deal with it themselves because it's not my responsibility anymore. I felt sort of responsible because it's my ex and it's about me. But it is between them and they should deal with their relationship/friendship.