Story 1: wife needs therapy. Serious therapy with an a therapist instead of a graduate. Husband too, but I am more worried about the wife's mental state.
this is why people should avoid daddy's girls/mama's boys from the getgo. they may claime to cut them off, even go through the motions, when they do the stupid and get knocked up, the baby's tanks their IQ and common sense. they get the stupid 'famblee' crap.
Oh yeah I also feel more bad for the lady who is willing to let her racist father step all over them. The man sees their kid as subhuman. Utterly disgusting.
@@ulisesmontalvo9606that’s a very uncharitable way of interpreting what that commenter said. What he meant is that the OP, while obviously hurting, has proper priorities and mental strength to do what had to be done, and that his ex would need years of therapy to fix what caused her to destroy her new child’s home
People always use that excuse "oh hes from a different time" no, hes lazy. The only time you aren't expected to improve yourself is when you mentally are unable to (dementia, severe mental disabilities stuff like that) or dead. Youre alive, educate yourself.
Story 1: OP'S wife is in need of therapy from a VERY GOOD therapist! She is clinging to the idea of having some biological family for her son, no matter how detrimental that family member will be in the long run. Her father is a POS racist! Period. She needs to accept that fact and accept that she needs to create her OWN family. Blood does NOT make someone family.
Story 1, wife: I cut off my dad for your son but I need him because I have no other family. Op: then I'm done with this marriage because your not respecting me and my son as your dad is racist and rude. Wife: you can't leave me. I refuse.
Story 1: I was on board with oop wanting to leave his wife, especially considering she's still in contact with the racist father that everyone else has cut contact with. Now he's just made things messy and terrible by sleeping with baby mama no. 1 & getting her pregnant. I get him wanting something to keep himself grounded, but what's it with men and not wanting to use protection?! Depending on NJ's divorce laws he's likely, very much LITERALLY, screwed himself over.
Story 1: growing up and hearing racist things is completely different from choosing to believe them and thus being racist. It's your beliefs and your actions that make you racist My grandpa grew up in a small town in Tennessee during the Great Depression that, at the time, had no people of color in it but that didn't stop people of the town from talking about them. My grandpa heard terrible stories about POC and everything but didn't see/meet a black man for the first time until he was around 21 being sent off to fight in the Korean war. He said this when he told us the story: "the only color that ever mattered were the one's he was wearing because they matched mine" and he had that mentality for the rest of his life.
Story #1 OP’s ex-wife is vile. I feel no sympathy for her. She knows her father thinks her stepson is sub-human, but that isn’t a deal-breaker for her. She’s fine with him scaring her stepson and passing his racism into her son. I’m glad OP is getting a divorce. Wife’s friend is terrible too. She left a baby alone with a mentally unstable person and insulted OP when he told her that wasn’t okay. “She’s a grown woman” doesn’t change the fact that she’s a danger to herself or others. What if OP’s ex-wife ended her own life? What if she ended her son’s life? Would this “friend” still think leaving them alone easy okay? OP should end that friendship.
As a POC I am very disappointed in the first OP for even considering staying with that women when she betrayed his trust the first time then went on to do it some more until the racist father was in the same home as is son. It never should've gotten to this, and he failed badly.
She was only talking to him and he wasn't around the kids the first time. I can understand him not leaving that time. He talked to her and she said ok. But once he saw him in his house that's it. He did the right thing and decided to divorce. This isn't a him problem it's a her problem.
OP: "Fine have a relationship w/ him but don't let him near the kids" Wife: *Brings him to their house & let's him around the kids* OP: "This is a deal breaker, bye" Wife: "NOOOOO PLEASE DON'T PLEASE" *Keeps bringing her father around even though he's literally racist & has recently mocked OP* Like ik pregnancy makes your hormones crazy but girl...
Story 1: Wife tanked the marriage. I don't blame OP for not wanting a racist to be around and influencing his son. That's a perfectly reasonable request for a parent to have. Wife, apparently, disagreed. Now she can be a single mom with racist family members. I wonder how many suitors she can attract with that resume? As far as OP getting his first child's mother pregnant, that's a doozy. He must have some kind of feelings for her to have gone to her, so maybe he can have some kind of relationship with her? My question is... Does his wife know about him knocking her up? I don't think I heard that mentioned.
Story 2: I get why OP blames Paul, but if she kept Roger around for 5 years, then how will she prove to Paul that he was the only one? That this mistake won't repeat itself 2-3 more times? Because of that, I think that the consequences are a mix of both situations.
What mistake? Roger was delusional, she just didn’t realize. She didn’t do anything remotely unfaithful, since Paul knew that they were meeting. She did nothing wrong and still lost her boyfriend.
@@alexp3577 Paul was aware she was meeting up alone with Roger, but not that he had expressed his romantic feelings towards her. Especially to one concerned about infidelity, there's no difference between learning about Roger's confession, or finding out that Roger was her ex-boyfriend... it is the same betrayal and unfaithfulness. And that type of lie also feeds into the insecurity of wondering how many ex/lovers she's been passing off as friends.
@@alexp3577 Hiding the fact that Roger confessed to her is what she did wrong. "It never occurred to me to say anything" seems dishonest given Paul's extreme trust issues. I would guess she intentionally hid this because she didn't want to deal with Paul becoming insecure about her friendship with Roger. It's a lie by omission.
He didn’t intend for her to fall pregnant - if he didn’t use a condom, that’s reckless behaviour, but it’s also possible he did use one and it failed. Condoms alone have around a 12% failure rate. Adequate use of protection falls on both parties, and doubling up is the safest bet.
Story 1: OP shouldn’t have to be forced to see the man who already have negative view of his child due to his skin color, saying any weird and insulting comments about anyone’s kids is a one way ticket to never seeing that person again, and no one should be forced to communicate with people they don’t like. If the father is so racist that he dose not even try to hide it, then what’s stopping him from poisoning the mind of OP’s other kid. If he start putting those racist things in his head, that could very well create a rift between the brothers and definitely start problems in the future. No kid should be exposed to these things at a young age, it’s only a matter of time before EX’s dad tells OP’s kid something truly disgusting and he will then tell his brother the samething since it’s about his skin color, and now OP is going be left explaining to his still young son what racism is. This women lied to OP just so she can be with him, but continued to be stubborn about bringing her POS dad around him and the kids. If she couldn’t agree to OP demands, then she should have just walked away from that relationship, but instead she put herself and OP in an even more awful position. Her excuse was also awful, “he came from a different time” dose not mean he’s not an adult who could change his views and not have accountability. The worst thing is her POS dad doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of remorse, as evident by the fact he enjoyed seeing OP breakdown and evidently didn’t care about how this effected his daughter since she will always choose him over her partner. The dad ultimately won in the end as OP isn’t around and he is allowed access to his grandchild.
Story 1 HOW DOES SHE TREATS YOUR SON. DOES SHE SHARE HIS WAYS OF THINKING your wife was the person you wanted her to be till she got pregnant and trapped you
S1; Have cops do a no trespass order on the racist father, record him if possible. tell Wife that she has two choices; get help& stop talking to the father or lose the children and husband. STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR HER. Record her breakdowns and insanity. Use that in court for custody of both children. At this point you need to protect your children.. And for bloody sake; keep it in your pants.
I disagree with the whole 'you have to cut friendships if they confess feelings' thing. If that completely breaks a friendship? In my opinion, that means it was never a real friendship. That was just somebody trying to have a romantic relationship the whole time
If you're going to have a romantic partner or already have at the very least you should set firm boundaries and only spend time with them in a group. Ppl normally don't just drop their attraction and it'll be a factor in how they interact with you. A lot of ppl will mask who they are if they see a potential romantic or sexual payout so it's better to limit contact if you're not interested.
Story 1 the husband was more than justified to kick her to the curb. Story 2 that's what happens when a woman keeps an orbiter around. Now she is shocked he ruined her relationship and blames the bf. The only one to blame is herself
S1 OP is such an all around train wreck. The wife crossed the line by having her father come over, but OP’s kids are all doomed due to having a pathetic excuse for a father.
@@datboy1628Getting a random hook-up pregnant at 18. Marrying a woman when he obviously doesn’t know her well enough. Knocking up the first woman while still married to the second who had a baby literally 3 months earlier. How is he not?
Only one kid is doomed. OPs two other kids are not biologically hers, thus won't have to see the trash wife or her trash father again after the divorce
When giving my opinion that i know will cause issues, i always ask "do you want my offical answer or my honest answer" Now in this case, the wife would have likely chosen Honest, because of course. But some people will be put on the back foot. Because it causes them to think of the consequences.
This is why people really have to be ready to accept that their SO and kids are now their primary family, NOT their parents and siblings, when they get married. If you don’t know who to choose between when it comes to boundaries, you aren’t ready for marriage.
Story 2: The trust was broken the minute you hide that from your BF that has trust issues, the fact you can't understand that is beyond me Lying by omission is still lying
Feelings are fleeting things, to be it's bonkers that people make permanent decisions to cut otherwise good people out of their lives based on a temporary state of affection.
Story 1: Op definitely needs to get his stuff together and leave his wife, she’s already been exposed for going behind Ops back and showing the kids to her racist dad, and Op. He definitely needs to stop letting his emotions get the better of him and actually not get his ex wife pregnant.
It's also the fact he can't trust her anymore. She kept lying about her father to him. She knew his line, and kept ignoring it, she said she wouldn't send any pictures of the kids to the dad anymore, and then invites him round? Nahh, she is delusional to think he will stay after all that. Honestly, maybe there is a reason that her only family member that keeps in touch with her is her racist father?
This is a mess. Now that custody of your baby will likely be split, your FIL will have unfettered access. Had you not left her, you could have moderated the bigot. Having 2 children with a woman you don't love is a disaster.
I THINK ROGER WAS JEALOUS THAT PAUL (SAME NAME AS MY LATE UNCLE) WAS JELOUS WAS OP'S BOY-FRIEND SO HE DECIDED TO CAUSE PAUL TO DUMP OP SO HE (ROGER) COULD B OP'S BOY-FRIEND INSTEAD.
S1. OP is an idiot. He got his former baby mama pregnant again while not even divorced from his wife. Dude has caused a lot of his own problems. Wife and Dad suck too. No winners here. Just feel bad for the kids.
Story 1: OP's wife needs therapy and OP needs to find out why the rest of her family cut her off. I feel like they just touched on that and never explained why, he should've found out why
story1) divorce her, just leave, she isnt in the right state of mind, but op, you need to think about the future ahead, you committed infidelity, that is not going to look good in court, if you are going to divorce, alos GET BIRTH CONTROL, your wife is not helping with this decision, she still invites her dad into his life, even though she knew this is why OP doesnt want to be with her story2) OP needs to know that this is lost cause, he broke thing up with you with 1 single bit of flimsy evidence with no actual evidence, and didn't believe you after a reasonable explanation,
Story 2 id break up with paul first yeah that seems petty, but id say, "if you believe some random guy you don't know over me we shouldn't be together.
Story #2 OP was a bad partner, and I’m glad Paul dumped her. At every turn she was unsympathetic to Paul’s baggage, being defensive and hostile instead of understanding. Her saying “I feel there was no point to being faithful” killed whatever sympathy I had for OP.
What i took from that is that she spent 3 yeara on this guy, being a loyal partner, but was still thrown away like a dirty cheater. If youre going to be treates aa a cheater, might as well have cheated, thats my understanding anyway
Nah, she proved herself and even after all that proving Paul said "We're still over". Like what a jerk, I don't feel that her opinions are right but I feel that she was a good person in all this and Roger screwed that up. Her saying "I feel there was no point to being faithful" is because despite being faithful and never once cheating he still broke up with her. I get that Paul has baggage but he should've worked through it with her instead of continuing with the break up
im sorry but the wifes right. Hes rac*st, yes he is but he never harmed the child or spoke very rudely to him. The father doesnt know any better and he shouldve gone to therapy and learn that we are all equal. If it was a friend? cut that b off. But hes her father that loves her and raised her.
Story 1 is so annoying, why did it keep on repeating the same information over and over and over. Was just thinking to myself, ooohhh shhhuuuuuutttt uuuuhhhpppp! Had to skip 🙄
“My wife’s dad started making fun of me [for crying]” THIS is who she chose over their entire relationship? Really? What a piece of shit. Both of them (the father and the wife, not OP)
I think the OP in the first story could have been more compassionate to his wife while still protecting his son. She lost her entire birth family. That has to be emotionally tough, but the moment she showed doubts, he called her less than human. He could have held his boundry and still emotionally supported the woman grieving the loss of a support system and what she thought would be her future sharing her kids with her birth family. She should never have brought the dad around hard stop. But maybe she would have acted differently if she had support and would not have searched for it in other places. Also, while the depression may have only been from the implosion of her family, the fact that this happened right after giving birth means you cannot rule out ppd. She is still not safe for OPs son but she may not be herself.
I'm not going to lie I do not have sympathy for the poster whatsoever like I get that you're lonely and you want somebody to settle down with but you could have picked anybody else but no you had to knock up the one chick who happens to have a racist father just because she supposedly said she'll cut him out of her life and if that wasn't bad enough there was already all the back and forth before she got pregnant which would be the ex-wife and still this dude kept getting back with her and just wanted to stay with her because he couldn't stand the fact that he had to put money into a lawyer to make sure he could get divorced and if that wasn't bad enough this dude decides to sleep around with his ex baby mama get her pregnant again and now he's twice as fuk because he doesn't know how to keep his little pee pee in his pants
Am I the only one that thinks the the husband in story 1 was looking for an out. He 100% did 0 compromises to allow the woman thag was pregnant with his child and then just gave birth feel more comfortable. There was issues with everyone else but he seems to be the biggest narcissistic manipulator in the whole story. Man freaked out if she wife sent a picture of the kids to her dad after just giving birth. He is 100%the problem everyone else is 30-70% a problem
1st story - OP and his wife are both AH. She keeps on breaking her husband's boundaries and betraying him by taking actions she knows will hurt him. OP is extremely manipulative and ironically enough, VERY close minded. Setting boundaries is normal, but it is ultimatums after ultimatums. I fully understand and agree on keeping boundaries with his Father in law, but forcing his wife to completely cut contact is a stretch. People change, heck, I grew up in a conservative household and community and I'm one of those people that believed a lot of stereotypes. I changed and I know many other people from my background that also changed and became better people. OP is so close minded and selfish that he refuses to even allow his wife to have a line of communication with her father. Do go full force right away, what she did by inviting her father in their home is psychotic, but go slowly and evaluate the situation.
Not if the father is racist. That's extremely dangerous for the young child who he has primary cusdoy and if something happens in the home he could lose cusdoty. Racist, for black people are dangerous people. It means the goverment, law enforcement and the system itself might overlook something that happens to his son. But the mother could get upset and pull the child away. The child could grow up to hate his older brother and he'd have two childern 1 who did nothing wrong and another one taught racism and cruelty in his home at a young age which again is dangerous. The wife was having some kind of mental break down and instead of taking her and them to a quailfied therpist he kept half assing it. until everything blew up in his face.
Well he was right tom her communication turned to pics to him turned to him in their house and inviting him over to eat dinner and hold the baby. But hey if you want to chance "he might cjsnge" for your kids wellbeing. Your black kid he is racist towards. Then you are also a huge peice of crap like the "mother". But i mean maybe you dont care since the black kid isnt YOURS so the racism doesnt matter right?
S.1. This is a tough one. I totally agree with O.P., that protecting his son from her dad. But, that is her dad. I don't agree with him, maybe just maybe instead of tempers flying on both sides you and them and another person a mutual friend to where you three discuss why this is an issue on both sides, without jabs, or insulting one another. Let her dad know that if the rolls were reversed and say he himself was of color as a kid and someone's dad didn't like him because of his color would he himself like that being judged based on his color. Then, tell him, every person of every color there are bad seeds yes white is especially in that category but, you can't hate that entire race for one or some people you had a bad experience with. My son, and my baby are my world, and when someone is hurting them by physical, emotionally, mentally ECT. I am going to protect them, as much as possible. Just as you did and do for your daughter. And you yourself wouldn't allow a man to hurt her or your grandchild. I get you have your options and they're yours, but how you speak and treated my son, I won't allow such behavior around him. That's why I don't want you around my kids I don't want such behavior to be taught to my kids. And go from there.
That switch the roles crap doesn’t work on racist. You have to be stupid to think that would work on an adult, that’s something only children will listen to
How? He is staying only for the baby and wants custody. But hey if you think its ok for a racist to ne rscist to a kid because its not your kid which somehow makes it ok just say that. Sorry a black chikds father doesnt want a rscist around his young black child? One whom the racist has made remarks of before and referred to said childs mother like a subspecies?
The problem with commenters like you is you do not consider “racism” traumatic to children. I am not black, but I think Growing up knowing your step-grandfather/brother’s grandfather thinks of you as less than human would be traumatic and unnecessary stress for a child. If your wife’s father thought your child was less than human, not for his skin colour reasons, but say, his hair colour, his eye colour, any good father would protect his child from that disgusting behaviour from anyone. OP was an idiot, but that is the one decision he made that was correct. As for saying he had no regard for his “white child,” he stayed home, taking on child care and looked after the baby. Sacrificing one son’s childhood for another is not the answer.
Op is sick how can he think he have a right to control women and not think what he did was right and think he high and might and think what he ego is more important than that and not care even if her dad is racist that her dad just like his family if she did that to him he'll loose it and might beat her cause she did and say what he doing now all he doing is looking down on her and feel he need to control everything and mad that she not under his control but i seen alot of post were it the women talk about how her in laws didn't like step children and this man can't talk about both side but he only think about he side and only one side cause hate is more important than fixing and understand her but he only want only way and highway and it good he think about his son but he cheated and treat his wife like trash and hate loose control and this the out come cause he using his son as a shield to justify his actions
OP never asked wife to cut father out of her life , She did that on her own , OP never had any problem with wife keeping relation with the father , OP just didnt want him near his kids which is understandable coz of him being openly racist , wife decided to betray OP by going against his wishes and inviting her father over WHILE the 6m son was at home , and even then the father made fun of OP. Tbf OP shouldve broken up with her the first time the father made racist comments. Him cheating is not justified at all , but the wife not respecting OP's boundaries is not okay either.
OP shouldn’t have to be forced to see the man who already have negative view of his child due to his skin color, saying any weird and insulting comments about anyone’s kids is a one way ticket to never seeing that person again, and no one should be forced to communicate with people they don’t like. If the father is so racist that he dose not even try to hide it, then what’s stopping him from poisoning the mind of OP’s other kid. If he start putting those racist things in his head, that could very well create a rift between the brothers and definitely start problems in the future. No kid should be exposed to these things at a young age, it’s only a matter of time before EX’s dad tells OP’s kid something truly disgusting and he will then tell his brother the samething since it’s about his skin color, and now OP is going be left explaining to his still young son what racism is. This women lied to OP just so she can be with him, but continued to be stubborn about bringing her POS dad around him and the kids. If she couldn’t agree to OP demands, then she should have just walked away from that relationship, but instead she put herself and OP in an even more awful position. Her excuse was also awful, “he came from a different time” dose not mean he’s not an adult who could change his views and not have accountability. The worst thing is her POS dad doesn’t even feel the slightest bit of remorse, as evident by the fact he enjoyed seeing OP breakdown and evidently didn’t care about how this effected his daughter since she will always choose him over her partner. The dad ultimately won in the end as OP isn’t around and he is allowed access to his grandchild.
So the wife letting a racist abuser around her husbands son is completely fine because OP slept with another woman...while in the process to divorce her? He does however need to stop babying his wife, if the baby's not safe with her, get it on formula, instead of insisting someone play meatshield when she's having a meltdown
