I am so grateful for your talks. They are helping me sort out healthy/unhealthy relationships. I don't know if my parents, sibs, or children are narcs, BUT the behaviors you describe are ones that I've seen and been completely puzzled by at occasions where I've just wanted to see the family and enjoy a beach, a hike, a dinner, some music, whatever. I feel so much love and joy in being alive, and I want to share it with loved ones, but, like you say, they say & do things that hurt with no provocation. It has been a lifetime of heartbreak and loneliness. I have friends I feel safe with and love me the way I wish family could. At nearly 60 years old, I finally feel SAFE in my home and enjoy my life most of the time. I limit time w/ those who cannot appreciate/enjoy me and remember to mask up and keep it shallow when around them. I finally understand that no matter how much I love them and want to authentically know and be known by my family members, they don't want to be known or to know me in a real way. I have stopped all emotional labor in relationships with people who do none. I still love them; I still miss them; but I spend that energy in my other relationships and passions, where it can root, grow, flower, & fruit--not be burned to the ground. Be well, friend. I appreciate you. I hope all good things come your way.
Also, thank you for including the perspective of different members in your examples and explanations like from child to spouse. I think the husband victim to wife narcissist dynamic isn’t talked about much.
I remember traveling with my mother when I was Young 🫤it was pure horror I, is true they want to control everything thank God, I’m an adult and don’t have to deal with that anymore.
Omg I turned down a fishing trip, last Sunday. One step away from driving them an hour away. Told them I'm not going they freaked out. I stood firm. They tried to shame, name called, actually behaved like they could self combust at any moment. But, they left and peace resumed until they got back to pick up their stuff. It was if they never left. She said it was too bad things had to be this way (in a nasty gritty voice) called me a psychopath. I told her to look in the mirror and closed the door.
We argued everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE even in the supermarket. He ruined ALL occasions and holidays. I only have bad memories. He never wanted me to have happy times. He was happy when I was miserable. They are true demons - empty vessels
I can so relate to everything you said. The final straw was this past Thanksgiving, he came over to my house with my mom. He started a fight earlier before she arrived. He didn’t look at me, talk to me or acknowledge me the entire time she was there. You could feel the tension. They left and he never communicated with me the rest of the night. I went no contact after that.
They ruined special times the day or way before by dragging the silence treatment for 2 weeks or more. All bad memories never felt so alone. They give a crap birthday, Christmas, or turn around the car and take you home like a child. where is karma when you need it?
This is so true. There is no enjoyment going anywhere with the narcissist. Every outing turns into a sh*t show...eating out, family events, holiday events, school events. Vacations.are a freaking nightmare. These are some of the most miserable rotten people on the planet.
I got invited to a friend and husband her daughter and son they're nothing like my family best time of my life meet her daughter son her husband stayed for a few hours
Oh many times he’s scared me by not breaking early enough and then screams at me when I get scared…then if we were going anywhere and we got into an argument he would get mad and turn around to go back home. This has happened to me over and over again. I was in a car accident because of his fooling around with another vehicle before we got married so I always felt nervous when in the car with him but he didn’t care about my feelings at all. I’m leaving him now that I have been educated regarding narcissism!!! Thanks to everyone on these videos for teaching us about it all ❤️
Told mine over and over the road is for sharing, and of course he yells "Come on, go" to anyone dumb enough to try to show him some you go first I insist courtesy!
My ex narc was a nightmare. He drove 100mph with my granddaughter in the back when we were going on a beach holiday. But it wasn’t the only time - he was always tailgating and giving people the finger, shouting if they were going too slow in front of him. He was a real nightmare to be in the car with.
The ex narc drove me and our 3 children around a roundabout about twenty seven times, just to worry them. Our 18 year old daughter still visits him the young two no.
That is so true. I catch my self a lot not laughing anymore. Not even about jokes. And I was always happy before. Lots of smiling. He even asked me once why I am always smiling? There is nothing to smile about. So he really can't stand it if I am happy.
When I let my hair down and was being silly, giggling and being joyful such as on vacation his face would get stony. Then he'd roll his eyes like, you're so stupid. I couldn't be myself or show joy because he put me down for being happy. Not normal behavior in a spouse.
So damn true, and if you laugh by mistake or try to keep yourself happy, they will show their devil side, suck all your happiness and energy, and project their behavior on you while they enjoy your sucked-up happiness. They love it. It's fuel to them.
No matter who they are or where they come from It's so shocking to see that they're all the same weak, immature, bully, controlling, with sense of entitlement and false sense of power. I experienced first hand abuse during an outing while he was driving the car he raged and tried to crash the car it was dehumanizing and for no valid reason
I also experienced that in August 2012 where he raged and threatened to take us both out..straight over a high ravine 😒 Been out of the marriage nearly 5 yrs..after over 30 yrs with malignant covert narcissist..left me very psychologically damaged and still healing 🙏
Wow, absolutely true! My step dad would ruin my birthdays. He made sure I felt selfish for enjoying myself. These people are EVIL. I’m 44 and still being effected by the abuse.
Your independence free from the special needs of your Narcopathetic family is your best medicine BEFORE your inside parts fall out FROM their abuse use.
Can I ever relate to being made selfish and guilty when enjoying myself or even resting. I work far too hard now and feel guilty to even take a rest or a break to this day.
My parents did this, never bought me a birthday cake or presents. They didn't want me to be happy for my birthday and refused to wish me also. In turn my mom got cancer and went to hospital on my birthday and died 3 days later. Is this a coincidence or karma?
When you're in the car with a Narcissist and you're the passenger... You're truly in mortal danger. I highly warn ANYONE who has a narc in their life to never, ever go anywhere with them. I have feared for my life on several occasions and also was left miles (or kilometers) away from home, resorting to having take taxis home again...and those occasions were the LEAST of my experiences. These creatures have zero regard for human beings and place no value on anything (except themselves, of course)...🤢
So much truth! My ex ruined every trip we took and he loved cruises because I couldn’t leave, it was a free for all of abuse. Once we went to Hawaii, him knowing snorkeling was my favorite activity. For 7 days he refused to leave the bedroom, barely spoke to me and forbid me to go do anything on my own. He knew i waited for that trip all year and stole it all from me. I can’t recall a trip in the 7 years together where I didn’t end up crying hysterically from the abuse. Then the next day he’d be sweet like nothing had happened. A living hell I’m lucky I survived.
That surprises me about him agreeing to a cruise. Not only are you trapped and under someone else's direction (the ships crew) but so is the narcissist. I had several in my life and one of the common denominators are travel that is dependent on a pilot, a captain, an itinerary, or a destination/exclusion because the narcissist would have to GIVE UP CONTROL. The ones I knew refused to fly-had to drive everywhere even if it was inconvenient or more expensive, would not go on a cruise as they had to be in charge of the schedule and when they could leave and so on. If the narc couldn't control the entire trip it didn't happen. I'm so sorry you had to find out the hard way like I did. Sadly that's all I seem to attract so I'm better off alone
I remember a family cruise to the Caribbean. I barely saw him except for dinner with the kid. All day he ignored me & was out and about I don't know where. Might as well have gone alone. It was horrible.
When driving across the country he decided he had "covid" ... quite the performance...🤣 He even went to the hospital - they did tests - & sent him on his way with ... one serving of laxative...later I remembered he'd downed some laxative pills days earlier in front of me...he was abusing laxatives in order to appear ill & lounge around in the hotel...depleting my resources...on the 3rd morning when I questioned him he jumped out of bed & began yelling at me...with a smirk on his face...
It seems like every episode, I learn something that makes me feel so much better. I'm married to a narcissist I can NOT leave, and I almost never go anywhere with him. Even just the ride to church on Sunday is too much for me. It's difficult also to explain to people why we are never out together. He does things he KNOWS will anger or embarrass me and now I refuse to be anywhere near him. Thanks again for a great video.
Yes, and then you get blamed for not going out with them. I hope some day you will be able to get out, start a separate savings account and look forward to freedom some day. It took me 30 years but so glad I finally walked away. You go to church, so do I. God does not want us to stay with these Jezebels. ❤️
So true, Danish. One day my narc husband went into a tantrum in a supermarket. He claimed l was claiming l was wasting his money by picking up a packet of rice. He removed it from the trolley, threw it on the floor whilst shouting, YOU ARE WASTING MY MONEY. Everyone was now looking at us. I was sooo humiliated. The crime was picking up a small packet of rice
I feel you sister. Happened to another person too. Paid the money for the entire bulk grocery purchase from her purse but was shouted at for picking a pack of indigenous rice which is said to be good for diabetes. Always felt deeply for financially dependent victim.
My ex husband wouldn’t allow me to go to the supermarket until we were out of everything. He would insist on accompanying me and loudly complained over everything I put in the trolley. After my mum died and I inherited a little money he would then load up the trolley with frozen food and disappear leaving me to pay. We had 3 children, 2 are narcissistic and don’t speak to me because I left narc husband. The 3rd one who was my best friend died of breast cancer Jan 2023. I live alone and plan to stay that way. ‘Let the healing begin’!
Yes , so beyond true , everytime we'd go out my ex would hit on other women and constantly chase after strangers right in front of me , it felt horrible
Im so sorry you went through that terrible abuse with your father Danish. I remember my covert narc mother slapping me across my face when she was raging. None of us deserve the abuse weve gone through. God Bless You for all your work and excellent channel here.
Thank you for sharing your story. I remember my narcissist father walking into my room without my seeing he was coming and he slapped me so hard in the face that I thought my jaw was broken. I was about 15 yrs old. The shock and horror was awful. He did it because he thought I had shown an attitude to my mother and he heard it from the other room. So abusive and violent! Of course I blamed myself and suffered low self esteem from his treatment. I’m in my 60s and in recent years with videos like this I know it never was my fault 😢 I’m sorry for anyone who was raised like this.
Reminds me of the beating I got when I asked if anyone else wants more milk with Mom's cake. It was the worse thrashing I ever got. Curled up in a ball and kicked to the wall and kicked AGAIN and again. Was told I asked a question that had been previously answered... Wasn't true of course but more of the same is what happens if you talk back. Or was heard crying after a beating meant ANOTHER beating was coming up. Never knew why I got most beatings other than more beatings were at hands reach.
Been there. All the while it got turned on you for (probably) pointing out his treatment of her and pissed him off for being called out. Then again, maybe, that was just my experience.
Being on the receiving end of public humiliation meted out by a narcissist is dreadful, but there comes a time when you realize that the spectators were not thinking that you were bad - they were horrified at how cruel the narcissist was. That's part of your healing. My father was a narcissist but by God's grace I have survived and life's good. I pray this for all survivors of narcissistic abuse. Thank you for talking about this Danish.
Yep, my mom would always cause big scenes, throwing soft drinks on us at restaurants, slapping like how you mentioned, causing a big scene for everyone to watch, and not knowing how to react, holding back the tears to prevent further embarrassment. If it wasn’t that it was always something to cause a scene, her screaming and cussing. Zero control over her behavior and rage.
This happens alot to me as I was grieving n then with my partner n his family always there's a drama tension fear stress I always felt disconnected n hypervigilance n I seem to self regulate n laugh again n told I'm in a state of denial, too happy, too weak too this n that.. Its very tiring being around thrm, n I then had a child sges grown up now, what I did to survive left a mark on her n she hates me for it, but says she loves me but don't understand why I did what I did... I was trying my hardest to keep erveruone happy a fixer n at the end I end up broken n healing day by day im in my 50s n plotting to get away from it all from saving my money slowly n walking away from it all my grown up daughter lives with us now as she had two major accidents n recovering n the house is not a safe place as its full of toxic people, everyday there's a drama fueled with rage slamming doors etc I can't read on with my toxic partner n In laws either as I'm their guest n a carer for them, we lost our hse, my younger days I was scared n worried also full of anger n anxiety I admit I'm not the greatest mother I did my best but I remember I lost it I was surrounded by my toxic family members n I slapped my kid I will never forgive myself for it I was so tired, disregulated from my own inner wiubded child n I reacted I will never forgive myself n I'm ashamed of myself, now I approch my kid with love but she remembers alot of bad incidents n can't remember good times as I trued taking her out n enjoy my days with her I feel destroyed by it all... There's no good memories for us to remind each other... At first my gut told me about my partner, I was naive I thought I was avoiding being in a rship n that my comfort shackled me so I ignored my gut feeling.. What a nightmare, I cared for my narc partner both times serious operations n his narc parents... Sorry I'm venting.. I need to just get out .. After my child has recovered n go on her own way.. I rather my daughter is alone n happy then living with me n being reminded of her past. Thank you for sharing Yr story. Take care. ❤
@@Diana-sb4ylI will pray for your healing and a better relationship with your daughter,,good you recognized your part,,I too cry in the early morning hours,for not being a better mom,I ask God to forgive me.I also let my daughter know I love her.I used to scream all the time, even at my husband,anger,resentment,bitterness,I pray about it.
That is just so wrong... My mother once whipped me with a leather belt as a punishment for coming home late from school in front of her friends... My head was bleeding. And she didn't give a toss about that. She was just angry that "her property" didn't comply with her crazy picture of the world... Sending you hugs and love, Danish. Thanks for sharing your vulnerability. You're strong 💪💪💪💚
My sister beat her son in front of his elementary class room,,up to this day ,my nephew speaks of this, he's 62 now.The teacher a man, gave my sister permission to beat up her son in front of an entire classroom, he was a talker in class and that was his punishment.this was a school in Brooklyn N.Y. East 93 rd street and Clarkson Ave..He has never forgotten the teacher,s name Mr. Kantowitz.a small hat,,She died 5 months ago to the date,,disliked her son intensly ,,he came to live with her at age 9-10,that was a huge mistake,,.left at 16,.he was always sad.i think my sister blamed her son for being a single mom..she blamed him for so much,His relationship with his younger sister went down the drain, she was the golden child He the scapegoat,,,,a few weeks before passing away,I told my sister I wanted to speak to her,,never got that chance.I don't know at what point she turned,,because I lived with her X 10 years,,I had no idea about the school punishment.Its all so sad for my neice,who does not speak to me,it's been years,I was no flying monkey for my sister.and I did voice my complaints about the way she treated my nephew and neice,,my neice had to get away from her to surface for air..all sad..
Thank you for this one. I wasn’t the only confused person experiencing this with a partner. Every time I felt good, I turned into a target. If I had something that made me happy, he destroyed it. So I stopped letting it show when I felt good.
OH MY GOD! YES! My husband of 35 yrs would always stand at the door "Hurry up" what's taking so long?!" "Your happiness kills them"... "One wrong move"...SO damned true. Even a trip to the grocery store can be traumatic. Going to a restaurant is pure hell. They need to be the center of attention and will do anything to get that attention even if they have to cause a scene. Our daughter began acting the same way. Appreciate you sharing your experiences.😌
Been with mine 35 yrs (married 28) too, I hate how he hovers when I'm struggling to rush to put my shoes on, I just go in my pj's with a coat thrown over me as I find it so stressful his you're taking too long as usual attitude but all I got is a 2 min. warning!
I am so relieved to hear this. I won’t go to the grocery store or out to eat with him if I can help it. Just a ride in the car can be terrifying - or not - I never know what’s going to happen next.
It's not worth your health... I'm suffering because I stayed too long - didn't know what was actually going on and there's a real name for this type of abuse. Try to get out and don't advertise it. Keep everything on the down low unlike me. Keep a secret bank account or something like that. I didn't do that either.
We don’t even need to be going anywhere, just having guests to our home brings out all this craziness! It’s all the same “whirlwind” of the event until that doorbell rings. It’s SO insane to have people arrive and I’m just standing there - like NOTHING had gone on for the last hour leading up to their arrival … you just kind of learn how to smile and hug ppl extra long. It is their arrival that ends the madness …
@@MattyNelson-rs3ik IKR ! “Don’t take an hour to get ready” … but look PERFECT, have the house PERFECT, and the dog better be walked … rain or not ! The entire time is just dreadful … I guess lucky for me, he’s not even speaking to me as it takes about an hour and a half
100%. And now I regret putting on that false front, because my own parents believe I’m crazy to “suddenly come up with abuse accusations.” Why do we believe we need to pretend we are happy when we are not? Why does society condition us that way? These evil narcissists ENJOY creating messes for us to clean up. They love it when we cover for them.
He would get mad if I asked him to slow down and not tailgate the car ahead of us. It just made him do it more. Going out to dinner with him and the flying monkey he would dominate the conversation and act like I wasn’t there most of the time. If anyone joked around with him he would get mad after we would leave and blame me for it. I’m sorry your father treated you badly. That is so painful for a child, teen or even grown child. God bless you the work you do helps many. ❤
Omg..I could relate to this so much, especially the part where he himself gets ready quickly and then hurries us up without giving us time. Every trip with the Narc father was a bitter experience. Thank You Danish, this was so relatable.
"Everybody will remember this day because of me." They have to be the center of attention even if it's negative attention. I experienced these same injuries and humiliations in public. It truly is a ride to hell with these people.
Your story is so typical of a son who he feels threatened by. You are a better man than he can even dream of. The ex narc drove me and our 3 small children to a strange town for a Christmas shopping day. He parked and jumped out of the car and marched off. I was in a panic to get the kids and their coats out of the car before he turned around and remote locked it. We jogged around after him all afternoon. I had to be patient walking around the shops he liked, but he'd walk off and leave us in the shop that the kids or I liked. I was ignored for most of Christmas over that. Two months later his days in the family home were number. Thanks for sharing. Blessings from Darlington UK.
Hope you are in a better position to handle his crazy behaviour now. Love your kids and watch for similar traits in your kids and correct them early on and don't encourage entitled behaviour to any and teach them to be loving to each other. You also gain immense mental strentyby watching such videos on how to handle abusive people. There are many emotionally abusive people all around than we imagine.
Just went w/my daughters father to their family reunion🫤it started off rough bc he had to drive her car & it was a very nerve wracking trip😩for 40 minutes he complained about the smallest things;being disagreeable ALL the way there😠however, once we arrived I ignored him & enjoyed myself until it was time to go😆then, oh well, I don’t need to tell u how the trip home turned out🤦🏽♀️narcissists are just plain morons!😒
He was trying to ruin the trip for you, hoping you would be shell-shocked and miserable while he enjoyed the party. You turned the tables on him. Good for you! 👍
I remember mine coming home and starting an argument with me over something so simple and I called him a moron for causing trouble out of the blue, so I received 4 bottles of water sailed in my direction and smashed into the wall, missing my face by 6 inches to a foot... Still moron was putting it nicely to him
I was so sorry to learn of the abuse you suffered at the hands of your father on that picnic day. Your reaction was that of any abused person, but I am impressed that you've been able to, if not "get over it," at least to see it for what it was; to know that though your father set out to destroy you, he not only failed miserably, but, instead, made you a better human being than he knew he would ever be. The polar opposite of what he'd hoped for. He tried to steal your joy, and succeeded for a while, but ultimately, you allowed a terrible event to make you a helper of narcissistic abuse sufferers the world over. Your story did help me. It helped me to believe that once the narcissists are out of our lives, we can all recover and be joyful again. Thank you, Danish Bashir. You are strong and brave and wise and good.
Danish, your story brings a lot of emotion up for me! I’m sorry that happened to you. My narc mother took me in a haunted house in Toronto when I was 10. I’m autistic and nobody knew it. Well, people hammering at my feet in the dark, I had a total meltdown. Instead of comforting me, she smacked me as hard as she could. I can still feel it almost 30 years later. This past year has been so eye opening to the abuse I suffered as a child. No child deserves to be smacked. I am autistic and have 4 autistic kids and I could never even begin to fathom smacking them when they’re already dysregulated! I’m so glad I can love them the way I was never loved.
All this and more. My mother would always humiliate and embarrass me when we went anywhere. I also couldn’t stand the way she acted like she was such a wonderful person around everyone else. It was so phony.:.My adult relationshits always ruined a holiday/vacation/outing with same behaviors. Drive recklessly, find something to argue about in public, get “ill” so we would have to go home early (managed that EVERY thanksgiving and Christmas) and on vacations would have a build up and a blow up. Every day of vaca the tension would build until he finally exploded. Whatever many days of the vacation were left were the ones you could breathe easy and semi enjoy yourself
ABSOLUTELY! All narcissists are true to their manipulative, painful behavior. So happy and thankful to you for exposing these broken, dark soûls to help their victims. Blessings. ❤
My mother would make a disgusting/ed face looking at me(out of nowhere). This all started in my teen years. (Though she had always been abusive) Now I realize, she started to become jealous and insecure as I started to grow up. She loves to make me self conscious, make me feel like i was something dirty. I know one thing, she's gonna rot in hell for everything she has done to her own child.
Yes if you've BEEN able to sidestep your MOTHER'S DEMONIC lust for the joy she derived from your harm then by all means forgive her bc more of the same will be what you can expect. Mother's (NOT'her) twin has sadistically Catholic tendencies. But don't worry the ground work has been laid & nurtured for every act that you role has BEEN carefully manipulated & need be rewriting history is one of many victim mentality has plotted just for you by the SPECIAL NEEDS coordinator if your NOT'her ANYTHING like my NOT'her is.
@@Wasp239 your fragile existence is of no concern to me & what I may decide to be or not to be "my business" won't waiver in the slightest WHEN some little bass turd qualifies their insignificant self to attempt a directive onto ANOTHER as if I were to care. Get a life for your ego & troll on with your little life. If you have any question find an ADULT to explain life in words that your education level will be WITHIN your grasp.
So true......if you smile, that smile have to go, if you laugh out, you laughter have to go, if you stitch a great dress, then tailor have to go, if you are a good dance or artists, then that have to go, if you have a good friend then that friend have to go......i say now they just have to go.....
Just listening to your story triggered so much anger and hate in me. My dad had a habit of backing me up against a wall in his anger and I was so frightened of him I could not speak. And then that big hand would hit me straight across my face. One day when I was 17 he hit me twice, first one side of my face, then the other. I had been getting ready for school. That monster had the nerve to offer me my mother's tranquilizers. I refused! Then on my way to school, I hitchhiked out of town. Then I had to call my mom to come get me. That was well over 50 years ago and he has been dead over 20 years and he's still haunting me from his grave. Then I had the great misfortune of getting married to a man who is just like him. As soon as I can get another place to live I am leaving him for good.
I went to the honeymoon with my narcissist husband, he took me to his friend’s family house for a short stay in between . He was a total mess around me made me feel like a piece of shit that he can’t carry, his friend was respectful towards me and hosted me well but at the end he blamed me being too excited for things & called me characterless for talking to his friend (whom I was addressing brother). It wasn’t a honeymoon but a total hell ..I’m struggling to get out of this marriage please pray for me 🙏🏻
@swatimandhan4829 pls get out of this relationship ASAP.. otherwise he will make ur life hell.. Will make life difficult to that much level u feel like you are nothing and you have no point of living life.. pls understand the narcissism.. watch these videos of Danish.. every single video explain one of their characteristics..
Your shared trauma experiences definetely helps to validate the constant fear and shame I felt as a young child through teen years. Broke away and life got so much better. Unfortunately, I agree the trauma wounds are always there. I am able to disassociate at times for my own sanity.
It's their Self-Hatred it makes them project it onto others and it's very scary and thought provoking sometimes dangerous too. 🙏 "Why must you be happy and at peace when I am not.., no!!!" -The Narcissist
Interesting listening to your story reminded me too. Always drama around a fun activity. My father would sulk. There was always yelling and slamming doors. We get to Disneyland or another amusement park once a year and I would always feel stress. Literally they would be watching and saying are you having fun. You wanted to say without you guys yes. But I would just say yes. My narc husband that I married to get away from home smashed a salad in my face because I was happy I had found a free salad coupon from Wendy's. He was so pissed but pretended to be happy that I found it literally smiling at me. After I packed up the salad with his side and my side we drove off to eat it together as we had not eaten that day due to lack of funds. He literally smashed the whole thing in my head and I was dripping salad dressing from my hair and it was clinging to the car inside windows. He said you embarrassed me when you got the salad.
It's a constant need of supply for them. I remember going on trips and they were anything but fun. I remember having Sushii thrown in my face at a public restaurant for no reason at all. Being in a hotel room at times could be like a locked up octagon ring. Avoid going on outings even if they push to go!
I was feeling what you were feeling as you were speaking, as though what happened to you happened to me. I could feel the slap, I could feel the humiliation, I could feel the hate boiling up inside me. When I was growing up, and we went out with our extended family, my father's narcissism would escalate as though he had to show people how powerful he was. We were at a dinner, and he asked me if I would like to go to a "fat farm" (this was in front of everyone) ... then he asked me to say grace! When I couldn't speak quickly enough, he asked me if I was ashamed of God! That it was traumatizing is an understatement. Man, I hear you...
You are a beautiful soul Danish🙏 I'm SO sorry he did that to you at such a pivotal time in life...no wonder you have so much to offer this community!! The damage these monsters cause is disgusting to me.
Oh just hearing your first sentences got me laughing. Because I just went on a fishing trip with my narc. Oh man, what a day 😅🤯 and looking back, every trip and vacation was like that. Disaster! Thanks to you I can laugh about it now ❤ of course I know that things like you experienced are no laughing matter! I know, because that kind of things happened to me and my kids, too. When we finally got him to do a trip with us, which was rare, then he made sure everyone was crying before we even left. Same as in your case. Hurrying, complaining, insulting, etc. making sure the trip is ruined before it began. Just one example from a vacation: my kids found a 50$ bill on the beach and brought it to him. He took it, put it in his wallet, and later bought ice cream from it when the kids were playing on the beach. When they came back, he told them unfortunately they are too late. Ow and can't have ice cream. And the worst thing is, I kept silent. I should have kicked him out at that point! I failed to protect my kids from him and I regret that forever!
Hi Danish, your childhood traumas inflicted by the narcissistic dad bring back memories of my childhood. I am so sorry that people be them children or other people have to be the sacrificed to please these narcissistic monsters. I was raised in a dysfunctional family rubbed by my narcissistic of a dad and I do remember my dad belting my older brothers for staying out late. My dad would make one set of rules for himself and subject my mother and children another. To this day all of us siblings know deep inside he was a horrible dad and spouse to my mother, who also suffered physical abuse by him. I am not afraid to speak about it even after he died 5 years ago. But the rest of my siblings except for oldest brother, will not accept the fact that he was a horrible person and did not deserve to marry my mother and have us as his children. As a result of this denial, we siblings suffer from dis trust and envy towards each other!
Also like my family. My dad was emotionally detached, could be an a-hole and didn't really 'know us' (he was kept in the dark unless he witnessed DV subjected at mom, myself and others by the abusive sibling). Mom was a covert and enabled her bullying and enmeshed children. I think her behavior and actions caused the most damage. I am the only one of 5 (youngest) that accepts and speaks the truth. To the others, particularly now that she's passed, she was a saint (idealized). They've all bullied at times so that probably explains part of the denial. They are blind to the dysfunction.
Your experience with your own trauma as a child growing up with yr narcassitic father was enough to destroy even the strongest adult, never mind a child , but just look how you survived, and how you have dedicated yourself to this important work, your very much appreciated by all of us that have been through & are going through similar experiences. With your help, we now have the right kind of knowledge to find our way out of the nightmare & start to actually live a full happy life again. Thank you for all your help & advice, and from one survivor to another, God bless you.
Going a night out with my narc he flirt disappear for 30 minutes no explanation where he was but he will tell me to stop being insecure it’s just hell with them you just don’t want to go anywhere with them anymore 🤯 Dr Danish I’m so sorry you went through this 😢 thank you so much really appreciate it❤️🙏🏽
My goodness.. my heart goes out to everyone here commenting on their childhood physical and emotional abuse - it’s gut wrenching hard to read .. I really hope you can heal from these horrible memories.. thank you Danish for sharing 🙏🙏🙏
I was brought to tears listening to your story.. Not triggered, but it tore at my heart to think he did that to you. So sorry and hugs💕 to you, and everyone that has had to experienced this type of treatment... In heaven thank the Lord we won't have to deal with people like that anymore..
Thank-you again. I feel you could truly understand the hell I went through with my narc parents. It truly is torture. I dreaded and feared going anywhere with them.
Oh Danish--I am so very sorry about the incredible abuse that you have experienced. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability…you are an amazing human being to turn your pain into our comfort and validation !!!
That monstrous attack imposed on you that day by ur own father on ur innocence is beyond infuriating!! It's clearly very painful 4u to tell us, and upon listening, my stomach is in knots while "feeling" the stinging imprint of that blow to ur face that knocked u to the ground. The blistering injustice of this and so many other events in our own lives provoke so much unresolved rage and trauma within us. We try to balance that anger by bearing witness to others' suffering such as yours. We always remain grateful to and proud of you for that. You are indeed God's favorite, Danish. Much ❤❤ and many hugs for all u do for us!
Literally, every single outing or trip we tried to take growing up with my mom was a literal trip through hell! She ruined everything! Being in the car with her was like being locked up with a vicious, caged animal, who would throw insults and attacks at my father for hours and her stupid, crying & moaning! Fast forward, five years ago when I started dating someone, he acted the same exact way turned every single trip into a literal hell. It wasn’t until last year that I found out what narcissism was. Once I found out, I have learned how to manage any time spent with her. Him I ended the relationship with, but he still tries to communicate and get me back. NEVER! It has freed up my heart and my life and my soul, to be free of their abuse! The best thing you can ever do in life is set yourself free from those type of people. Breathe again and be happy. They aren’t worth it!
Hi Danish, I'm from Germany and I have found your channel a few weeks ago. Since that day I have watched so many of your videos and have to say these are by far the best! I am 50 years old and a mother of three sons. I've been married with a covert narcissist since 23 years. There is no luck or joy with such people. So many occasions were destroyed by him. Birthdays, holidays, christmas...I stayed strong all the time because of my children, but I feel so broken inside. I could write a book about it. It' s so creepy, that all these people all over the world make the same nasty things.Thanks for your great job❤
Glad I found your channel WoW I was abused used & reused my whole life thanks to God I survived and still here hoping I can take my many experiences to help others in the future when I am fully healed
Man this video hit hard. After my father passed away I tried copping with the loss and my mother wanted to talk so we went for a walk and stopped at a church. Thinking it was going to be a good talk turns out the total opposite the comments became dark basically blaming me for how I was being openly gay saying that my dad was the bad guy that he didn’t care for me when I know in reality, it was a lie because he had a gay brother himself. My mother was the one with the issue so we keep talking my brother is going to get married and she wants me to talk to my narcissistic sister. I say OK we’ll see I can’t promise anything because I’m already thinking if it’s like with you it’s not gonna happen so a couple of days go by my brothers wedding comes up and then my sister starts to say I don’t think I can go. I can’t go there. People are gonna talk about me. What are they gonna say? What are you gonna think? And I tell her introduce yourself people don’t know you because you don’t show yourself and it was like telling her the wrong thing. It’s not what she wanted to hear it’s not what she wanted to do so I said fine you know what I’m the best man anything that you do needs to go through me, and again, something that she didn’t want to hear so then that started my drama with her went to my mother both of them are ballistic and made a scene at the wedding and I haven’t talked to them in 2 1/2 years now
Thank you for sharing your story, Danish. All of the information is helpful, but personal anecdotes go a long way to help remove that crazy feeling. This video describes exactly how my childhood went.
Danish, thank you for sharing your story. So powerful. So many of us have had similar experiences. Listening to your story reminded me of my own childhood. Hopful and healing prayers to us all.
I refuse to get into the car with my covert ex. Just thinking about it gives me anxiety. We have two young kids together and if we do events I take my own car. Danish I’m so sorry you had to experience such a degrading moment, and publicly at that. I’ve just recently discovered your videos and I gotta say the pregnancy video was spot on. Keep up the good work! 🙂
I had my father the narcissist scream at me for over an hour on a drive. When we almost got there he stopped for gas and I went to the gas station washroom to cry and he left me there in the middle of nowhere. Getting home was a joke.
@ladyluck5248 I had a similar experience, except I was the one driving. When we finally got where we were going, he got out to go into the store and I wanted to drive away and leave him and never look back! I knew if I did, I would be “punished” more and never hear the end of it. My nerves were so raw and my muscles actually hurt from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. At that point I began to plan to get away. It’s been 5 days since I ended communication. 2 days ago he texted but I didn’t respond. The emotional rollercoaster continues but at least I have more peace now. All we can do is take things one day at a time and focus on what we can control like our healing and moving forward in life. Take care! Thank you Danish!
Wow!!this gave me chills. Great example of the holiday horrors with an evil Covert Narcissist. So sorry you experienced this too. One thing I found worked - was always invite someone else along. Not family. The Narcissist would then be busy concentrating on "impressing" guests and the focus was off us. We were then ignored - thankfully. How Narcissists come across in public is the most important thing. it is a disturbing mental health thing. They are mentally unwell. What also choked me was hearing how you father got ready quickly - just to berate & be critical & cause havoc. They do not help any child etc. or pregnant woman. It is all done so they can feel superior. & get their testosterone levels up. With bullying. I had forgotten about this horror. It was hard to rehear it. Just Know - it was never your problem. One time my ex got ready super quickly for an outing he had planned for us to go to. ( Families were all invited) Then he berated us endlessly as you describe-for being slow & making him look bad etc. This ,caused tears in the children & chaos. Then he criticized me loudly , including what I was wearing etc. Demanding I change. As soon as the children were in their car seats etc. He demanded I go back in & bring the rubbish bin out - before we went. I did so to keep the peace. He then drove off with the children... Telling them as they were cowering in the back seat - that's what happens to mummies who are late! The whole charade -turned out to be his intention all along. At his workplace picnic he met up with his other supply & told people I was sick & couldn't be there. He thoughtfully brought the kids. The children were just a front. For -his day. But what a nice (?in public) dad he looked to the office girls. What a great guy. Covert Narcissists - they are well beyond evil.
So sorry what you experienced with your father. So sad. Now you know, and you’re helping others to know. It makes all the difference. I’m having difficulties with a neighbor and have been off and on over the past couple years. To this day, I haven’t had words with her. She’s done all of it on her own. On the 4th of July this year, my daughters and grandsons (8 years old) were doing sparklers and a couple 6 ft fountains that do pop, but had no projectiles. This was at 8:45 to about 9:15. This woman blew up! She tried to call, but I wasn’t looking at my phone. So, she came to the front door and pounded on it, screaming loudly. My daughters went to the door and handed her her butt. My oldest daughter has a law degree and she let her know it, and told her this was harassment. This crazy lady also used the f bomb screaming at the children. They were hiding under a sofa table in the living room. This woman never apologized and still thinks she was okay doing what she did. So now she’s mad. So this past week, I needed an ac company to cone out. The guy shows up during a thunderstorm and parked in their (crazy neighbor’s) parking space. He was coming in out of rain with a big vacuum and I didn’t look where he parked. He was there 15 minutes. Her husband came home (he’s her flying monkey) and pulled his truck up to the back of the ac company van and wouldn’t move it! The ac guy went to their door and I heard yelling and screaming. I didn’t even open my door, but felt responsible because this poor guy is dealing with my crazy neighbors. They (wife and flying monkey husband) then came to my door, pounding as if to knock it down, screaming. I yelled through the door that I was on the phone with the police. They immediately moved the truck and let the ac guy leave. I have not and will not ever engage in any conversation with them. They do all this crazy stuff and I ignore them. Then he comes over and puts poison on my plants out front of my house. I replace them or they grow back till the next time she gets her panties in a wad. One other thing she told me about is when she voted a few years ago, she was waiting for her husband to vote and, though the whole library was roped off with signage telling you where to go and where not to go, she decided she wanted to stand in a roped off area. One of the poll workers told her she couldn’t go back there. My neighbor went off on her, yelling that this woman was a racist (the poll worker was a black woman) and my neighbor is from South Korea. She wouldn’t move from where she was told to move from and told me this story afterward, still believing this poor poll worker was being racist. Can’t imagine what the poll worker thought of this crazy lady. Narcs are just plain crazy. That’s why the best thing is to ignore and no contact. The trouble with ignoring is, it’s a narc injury when you do it so then they look to retaliate, rage and play the victim. What do you do????
I have witnessed this so many times, the narc ruins so many holidays and events, and they are not happy in nature or any setting, they cannot find any joy in the world, I almost feel sorry for them, thank you for sharing Danish💖💖
I am so sorry for what you went through, Danish! I know that wasn't easy to share. You are such a kind, caring, compassionate person, and you help us so much. You are very strong for surviving your narc abuse! 🖤
Yup. I have experienced exactly all that you mentioned. Grim, robotic, controlling, silent or barking, or busy with others,ignoring me totally. Once he simply walked out of a mall with kids in middle of night after a movie show while I went to restroom. I was searching him,calling him but no answer. Ultimately I had to alert mall security to stop him from driving out so that I could be driven home safe, as our home was 15 km away from the mall on an expressway.
Shocking(!) experience...even with your anticipation(!)..They seem to never find the bottom to their abhorrent, demoralizing behaviors - their low, self-centered/self-obsessed, dirty, rageful deeds. I am grateful for your fortitude, wisdom, and resilience! What a gift also to use your passion and understanding to reach out to others - Amazing. Additionally, I would like to say that EVERY other point you've made in this video was Right - On! Blessings, Danish! Grateful to God, for you and your trransformational 'recovery' and of all that is Good.
My parents were always angry at home. My dad for no reason kicked me as hard as he could. I flew in the air and landed on the concrete sidewalk. I couldn’t sit or walk without a lot of pain. My dad said it was my fault for not landing in the grass? They never took me to doctors. Always told me when I was hurt or sick that I was faking…
My parents took my sister and I to Disney World every year, starting at age 5 and 7. It was my father who made these trips a living hell. While we were so excited and happy to be going to Disney, we had to endure the long two day drive in the car with him having tantrums and road rage towards other drivers. He was angry about everything; there was anger about our luggage, anger over where to eat for lunch, anger over the hotels we were staying at, anger over where to park. Then, we would arrive at the happiest place on Earth and he would still continue to hurl snarky comments at mom, me, and my sister. It was the most exciting thing in the world to be at Disney but also the most terrifying because we never knew if we would say or do something that would set him off. Believe it or not, we continued in this pattern of family vacations for the next several decades, with both my sister and our significant others and our children going to Disney with mom and dad. This man never ceased to be miserable on these trips. It was very frustrating because we didn't understand why. We would joke about how he is the most miserable man in the happiest place on Earth. (If we didn't laugh, we could cry.) His misery ultimately infected my sister and my niece, so they are now following in his footsteps. They can't go anywhere without a fight. So, we don't vacation with any of them anymore. My eyes opened up in 2013 and I said never again. As with all family history, there's so much more than what I was able to say in this little comment. I have stories.
It’s really surreal when you’ve suffered for decades and someone comes and gives you validation on everything. Something that you’ve never had. You have my deepest gratitude for bringing this to light. ❤
I'm sorry this happened to you Danish. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you've healed or are healing now, and things are going better for you. Thanks for your great videos. 👏
Thank you Danish, for sharing, and for teaching. I learn so much from you, the tiny nuances of narcissism that go overlooked by many, help me to identify what I hadn't wanted to see in my family. This may be why I prefer to do everything alone, I'd rather have small interactions with strangers on an outing than risk having this energy around (after growing up with a family that has tantrums, sulks, demands, and constantly mocks me). My experience with public humiliation is too traumatic to share, here or anywhere. What always surprises and disappoints is that other adults don't intervene and put the abuser in their place!
Oh, I am so so sorry to hear your story. Well, it seems you didn´t have to put up with the monster all your life, luckily. Thank you for all your educational videos. So valuable to us. My malignant mother was torturing me since my early childhood. When in my thirties I wished to die. It is incredible how many people she was able to turn on her side and against me. I had nobody tu turn to for help. The happiest moments for her were when I had my head injury and blood was pouring down my face, after my stroke, when people were cruel to me after her smear campaign .. I wish you only happy moments in your life, lot of loving and healthy people all around you. 🥰🍀🍀🍀🥰
I'm new to your channel and already it is so on point... my ex was a nightmare anytime we went out. Nothing was right ever... after I left he tried to force me onto a date, as if that would hold my attention... I declined emphatically. He asked why? (In actual shock). I told him because every time we go out it's a disaster.
So sorry you had to go through that, Danish. You did not deserve it! My narcissistic “mother “ and I use ‘mother” lightly raged at me in church! Wtf? I was asked to help with a bridal shower and I assume she was jealous because she wasn’t asked to help. She walked in the church and raged at me in front of everyone! At church! This should be the one place to go for peace and love and joy. I couldn’t even help with the shower I was so shaken. She also once came down from the choir to rage at me as I had left the service because my nephew was ill and I went downstairs to stay with him. She left the choir to come rage at us. In church! I can’t even go to church without being triggered! I hate going anywhere where she will be. I never know what’s coming!
Thank you Danish for sharing your painful experiences. I have also had simmilar ones and they keep haunting me. We can heal our traumas and must give ourselves patience , self-respect, self-care and self-love and surround ourselves with safe people only.
This was heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you had to endure not only his cruelty but the public humiliation. It never quite goes away does it? I hope time will lessen the pain for you.
I remember dating a narc (didn't know it at the time) and we went camping for a week with a small group of friends. The first 5 days were great. We had all kinds of fun with the group. Then on day six he and I decided to take a day trip in the car and go see some other sights. We probably got 15 minutes into our journey when he went on a narcissistic rage. I was in tears. He never stopped for the entire day until we were almost back to camp. That gave me time to hide the evidence of my tears and pretend that it was a wonderful day. I dumped him very soon after that. I remember always asking him to invite a friend if we ever did anything that was supposed to be "fun". Somehow I knew that he would behave if there was someone else around.
They can, also, be a creep/predator- especially if you are, only, partially clothed and they will barge in with BARELY a single knock acting like they did nothing wrong but take a few good seconds to try to look at you partially clothed and either in a trapped space or in a vulnerable state. Or talk in sexual innuendos around you or other women. Disgusting, Humiliating, and Terrifying to recollect.
I am done with mine! I have stopped going out with him, the last holiday 4 yrs ago in Venice he was constantly being his nasty him, constantly picking on me, this has been going on for years. Now I understand why, thank you Danish for explaining our life and our sufferings.
Thankyou so much for sharing your personal experiences - it’s shocking but is so true to form when living with a narcissist! I lived like this for many years & didn’t know anything about the subject but videos like this have helped me learn - knowledge is a powerful thing!!! 🙏❤️🇬🇧
Thank you for this vid, so so relatable, when I grew up my mum and dad took us kids out on weekends practically almost every weekend, my folks were fine at taking us to places, when I married my husband, yes I can count on my fingers how many times he took us to places, I always felt like he was robotic, he always complained about stuff, and in social events yes he would make sure I see him with his fling blings, what mine also likes to do in social events looking back at it, whenever I was happy he would stand behind me firmly put his hand either on my shoulder and press down or put it behind my neck and squeeze or pull on my hair pretending he is playing around, I used to freeze up as for me that was his way like to say don't have fun I'm watching you, or he would come home and say like hey iam gonna take you to this great place or that where he already went, for me I never got any of those chances to go see, mostly at his older years he became a back yard fixer, and I had to enjoy his hobbies every single week end, unless we get invite to somewhere, and useally I either decline or he makes sure I don't go somehow, and yes he either made sure we late and I got to rush, or we get there early and I see he is doing Lazer eyes search for social interactions, or the brief I make you upset just before we go so you will have a miserable time, thank you so relatable
