Good video! ❤ Although I think your friends deserve a few months to get used to your new boundaries. Suddenly taking away that safe space because you realized this, can turn out very cruel and hurtful. I've been there , and when I set better boundaries I definitely try to ease people in to it or talk to them about it and tolerate slip ups or them crossing that boundary for a while. It's very individualistic I believe to only think about your own growth and not of the growth of the friendship. Many people pleasers really believe they do stuff for others, but they behave that way for themself, and it is not an excuse to treat people badly because you think you're never thinking about yourself. It's a distorted self image. I know many people pleasers and most of them have this idea about themself, making them feel entitled to only think about themselves when they're fed up with the pleasing. (With 'you' I mean one, not you Nika!) I love most people pleasers, this is just a common thing I've noticed
Good point! I think it totally depends on the situation though. If your “friends” have continuously shown that they’re not there for you, when you need them, then I think the more “rough” approach is fitting, but if the people around you are kind and understanding, then I totally agree that you should speak with them kindly and give them some time and grace to adapt to the new dynamic. Wish I made that point in the video, but thank you so much for pointing it out🩵
Absolutely! A 14-year-old girl who listens to a 40-year old's problems. Being there for an adult. In my case, me being there for my father. Me parenting him- a healthy, grown-up man. And now even my younger sister feels that way. The things you talk about in this video are so, so, so important! We don't even notice how bad it is until it breaks us years later... We need to talk more about these things. Thank you so much!
Hi Nika, being used & taken advantage of by friends or family members or when you're in a relationship can be very distressing, but it does not mean you are weak. You just lack the armor & weapons necessary to defend yourself. There's no need to change your entire identity, but it is time to stand up for who you are & find the strength within yourself.
I loved watching the entire video. It shows that you have done the work and walked this path. So everything you have discussed is coming from a very authentic place. I respect that. I truly appreciate the actionable steps that you often talk about in your videos. Because understanding it from a logical perspective is one thing. Integrating it is the key. And the way you touch upon topics like victim narrative and now boundaries is incredible. I end up journalling immediately after your videos and can understand myself better. I get curious about my patterns. I am so grateful for this channel. Thank you for doing this Nika 💛
hi Nika, it's so great that you're back! The video is just what I needed. I truly don't like to share much of my personal life, but I recently came to realization that most of my friends ONLY check on me to then reply with their own problems (sometimes they don't even ask how I am although most of them know I am struggling with several severe life changes at once). I am feeling very lonely and disappointed, and I am not sociable to just go make new friends. :( What if after this boundary update we're just left all alone? :( Do you have any advice?
Hi, just read your comment & wanted to reassure you, you are (sadly) not alone... totally connected with your words. I know its boring, since its old news, buuut learning to be okay on your own - truly okay - is such a super weapon. Being okay with doing things on your own, not being validated by others etc. Lonely does not equal alone, right? You will feel much less lonely indeed and more connected to yourself, when you eliminate these people or show them your boundaries. Not saying I am perfect at this, i seem to have to learn the lesson over and over again. However, i think slowly my heart learned, what my brain knows for such a long time. And I am sure, you will find amazing friends and I hope it is gonna happen sooner than you imagine. Lots of Love from a stranger from the Internet, Karla
Of course! Having boundaries, does not mean you’re selfish or you’re no longer empathetic, kind and helpful to the people around you. I actually think those qualities shine more, when you don’t feel constantly used and when you share them with people that genuinely appreciate and love you😊
Yaaaassss Queeen! Loved this! And truth is, like you say, setting a boundary is our responsibility but so is ENFORCING it. That is also OUR responsibility. It's nice when others respect the boundaries, but only we are responsible for actually enforcing them as well.
After everything that happened with Jonah Hill and a personal experience with a friend I also started noticing how therapy talk or boundaries sometimes can be weaponised or used to control someone, how would you say you can tell the difference?
When I watch your videos i realize I feel like a victim and it is so hard because it is ugly to accept you have that problem however with your videos i learn more and more and this is an inspiration for me for continuing improving my behavior, my life, thank you so much ❤
I loved the comparison on the boundaries with the house fence. My house - my rules :) It is important to communicate it clearly where the fence is and maybe first define it with yourself so you don't feel exhausted and drained by others. Thanks Nika!
Yas, girl, say it!!! Too many people need to hear that they don't have to be a victim. Take your own boundaries back!!! You always have control over yourself and your own self-improvement. Truly excellent video; thank you.
Good video! Loved the fence metaphor. So far, your video on confidence has been my favorite and I used some of your tips to great effect! I look forward to seeing more of your content! Cheers 😊
Tbh i hate being a people pleaser. It sucks the life out of me, because i have social anxiety. Nobody and believe me nobody wants to be used. So yeah this video was very helpful. I find it hard in the beginning.
Although I have loved all your videos that I’ve seen so far, this video made me feel a bit sad for how individualistic this society has become. In this modern world where people are struggling to truly connect, I feel there is an underlying villainizing of people who might just be trying to be their authentic selves. Struggling/sadness is seen as “bad energy” and it leaves less room for people to live without a mask. I think it’s important to be aware of what situations you put your energy into, but also maybe we might be able to be compassionate and accepting of whatever energy is around us at the same time, and not carry it as your own burden.
