Parenting Expert Has Nerve To Tell You How To Raise Your Own Goddamn Kids 

At who

@@garfoofian8507 Joe

@@paulian1888 wHo'S jOe?

@@treyhar33 Joe Biden

@@paulian1888 Damn u responded quickly

3

Crykng Mason ha ur like a baby .. watch dis: *SUCCCCC*

It's basically a moebius strip of sarcasm

As many layers as an onion has...

All of them

as if he was forced to listen ..

Cool way to raise a generation on cursed media.....

Jack Hazardous I genuinely wished you were my dad, except there were no decent tablets when I was a kid.

This is too accurate

this is way too accurate

Oh well, that's what my parents did for 3 years :D. I'm not sure of if it worked xD.

Yep. Like suggesting that Grand Theft Auto V isn't a proper game for a 10 year old.

@@xilencered7788 Seems very proper, it's a simplistic action game with shiny graphics and aimed at consoles. At 13, they should be switching to something like Divinity: Original Sin, by 16 they will probably graduate to fairly tasteful and intelligent games like Victoria 2.

@@Humanophage it has strip clubs in it

@@Humanophage Victoria 2, I see you're a man of culture.

@@cheilith1031 Oooohhh, scary.

hi cruising, have you become a flat earther yet?

@@flat-earther yah yesterday

@@cruisingscenesandtakingbea4197 okay. BTW cruising, what do you think about all gubments drawing a line around you(Antarctic Treaty) and saying you are not allowed to leave? If you don't know what I mean, read my about tab.

She should do it to me

Why does she make the w✊ gesture?

*expected

Parenting pro-tip: nobody knows how to raise a kid, nobody ever has, and especially people who profit from pretending to know. Just please don't be sociopathic with your kids, like your own parents, and every other parent.

​@@udasaithat moment when nobody asked:

@@idontwannamakeagoogleaccou1033and yet his response adds a lot more to the conversation than _yours_ does

​@@udasaiA lot of people could benefit from expert advice on raising kids. Plenty of people know how to raise kids, what you are saying is pointless and stupid. And profiting from it? There are grifters, sure... But if you spend a lot of your life researching child rearing, you expect to give that research away for free or something? Of course the person in questions wants to profit from it...

Joy chip stocks

​@@DiamanteDea stickchops

😂😂

Poverty twigs

Shanking twigs

Had me dead! XD

Best part

Rebekah thinks she better than us.

When the teacher thinks you weren’t paying Attention

That 4 second silence after that gave me anxiety

Yes

Everyone is fair game. They even make fun of biased hosts.

parents, experts, hosts, everyone sucks. everyone gets criticised. we dont discrminate out herem

Both

Yeah lol, it's for both the people who aren't open to expert advice (you can relate this to other current events where the expert consensus is dismissed), but also to the smugness and lack of empathy of the experts when they communicate with folks. 😊

This is satire you small brained oaf

*aggressive

@@alvallac2171 This is a two year old comment. Just… *why*?

@@ArDeeMee When the grammar urge kicks in, you can't stop it

@@ArDeeMee I thought the correction was about how the aggression wasn’t very passive lol I missed that typo

Wow

(Kent Hovind noises)

@@technicallydifficulties7094 piers Morgan*

@@kobiiscoolerthanyou7877 kaitlin bennett*

Friends that just wanna talk about themselves:

664 likes. Only 2 more and youre going to hell.

@@nicolasdurruti 2 likes. Only 664 more and no one cares what happens actually.

1.1k, now you're going to *MEGA ULTRA HELL* (Doom theme plays)

@@EllisHudsonn it's at 1.8k now

C R Yeah prob lol

Underrated comment

Have kids then.

Go kidnap done

@@AM-bf9tb Nah fuck that.

@@mfzoom5401 enjoy your meaningless life.

Its spelled 'cereal' genius.

@@mikearchibald744 fr. people can't spell nowadays. 'tis truly saddening.

actually the most notorious serial killers weren't just completely abandoned when they were born. They probably wouldn't have been serial killers if they were abandoned at birth

Ah so your the one that wrote the serial killer in you

People tried stopping me from beating up my son Because of my parenting, my son's life gained a direction. He knows what he wants to do and has become a fine serial killer. What's my secret? Children learn from their parents. If u a p*ssy, then so will ur child be. I'm not saying "don't be a p*ssy." If you want to recite parenting theories to my son as he ***** u & ur family of weak little p*ssies, then just be urself.

I saw nothing wrong with the hosts. fuck this women, she can't tell be how to parent my kids!!!

Potato management ಠ_ಠ But some people seriously need advice. You don’t have to take it, but maybe hear them out? I’ll r/whoosh myself now. Whoooooooooooooooosh!

@@molly.dog8brooke792 yeah I know, i don't actually think that people like that lady are terrible.

Potato management ಠ_ಠ They are pretty dogshit. They generally have a good experience with their own kids and automatically think they’ve cracked some magic code and if only everyone did what they did. And I say that as a dad to the perfect daughter. I’m not stupid enough to assume it’s because I did anything special or that if people copied my parenting style they’d have the same results.

Passive aggressive? I think saying fuck you is pretty aggressive

Angela it's the satire.

Angela 1:33

I wouldn't quite say passive. Literally one of the first sentences is "who the hell do you think you are" but still it's really great. Today now is my favourite series of the onion and this is probably one of the best episodes

FINALLY an example of passive aggressiveness I can actually understand. I finally know what it means.

“passive”

The fact people find that monstrosity amusing is very telling about how twisted and degenerate society is nowadays.

@@fernandaabreu5625 You think THAT is degenerate and twisted? I think the fact that all our electronic devices are a product of child slavery is degenerated and twisted. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-JcJ8me22NVs.html&ab_channel=SkyNews or the fact the we produce so much plastic that most of us have already micro plastic in our digestive system and that a garbage patch the size of europe has formed on the pacific and that we found plastic waste everywhere on the planet even in antarctica. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GwluakE0p8o.html&ab_channel=BluGreenEnvironment or the fact the we ruined the climate of our planet. Get your priorities straight, you ignorant. The fact that people have a different sense of humor then you isn't a proof for degeneracy - the fact that you can't handle it is!

@@fernandaabreu5625 hell yeah 🔥

@@fernandaabreu5625 that's interesting that you find that to be morally wrong.

@@fernandaabreu5625 XD

"Danny is not my true name"

Shouldn't have given him the finger

I was literally watching that one right before this one.

Nothing was done to those muffins He just has to live with THINKING something was done to those muffins

@Karate Guy it's lead

Underrated

One of the best lines.

This woman is a fraud. She's actually an expert in customer service and can handle any attack like it never even happened.

That was hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah. My favorite rewind point.

Lol “I get that a lot” 😂

"Wow, I bet a lot of moms watching out there are thinking 'fuck you.'" For fuck sakes you forgot a '

IKR. This is now my all-time favorite video

@@wetspinachtv me too :(

Eathams thanks

thx saved me

Eathams thank you! I was planning on jacking off after this video.

I’ll be thanking you in 50 years

thanks 👌

If you really are a blabbermouth, why did it take you so long to comment? It's been seven years.

Felipe Nachmanowicz IKR I love it

It's so perfect

Yes.

@NoNoNoNii Calm down, please. We don't get serious here on satire news.

@NoNoNoNii i think this karen's about 50% complete, just need to get it into a pyramid scheme and buy it some essential oils and get it into a shitty mom group and make it learn hollistic treatment and make it an antivax before it can release it's demonic screams.

Feeding kids to other kids is a lot like being a mom

😂

@@woodside4life 😂

Weaklings, just teach them to survive only on eating their own fingers and toes

Oh shit

Have you ever tried that on your kids or have you just decided that it won’t work?

I’m glad you asked! TV has turned out to be like a drug, my kids are so addicted to screens that it impairs their abilities to do anything else. The metaphor is this: I’ll give you a dose of heroin whenever you clean your room. The addict was so excited they stole the house for heroin as no house is a clean house.

​@@wallamazoo01yeah if possible the idea should be to create a mentality to do chores, why do we do them and why is it needed. Using tv or any other thing.. I am not sure what mentality that creates. That being said, a parent should listen to themselves first and then someone else. They do know their kids better than anyone else. General guidance and advice shouldn't be given as judgements.

Honestly frame it as an exchange of goods but not a right to live. Dont say you live in the house I pay for so you have to do the chores because thats your job to provide no matter what. But if they want xbox or to use the car or their phone plan to not be canceled then they have to do the chores. They do chores in exchange for extra but not for basic rights like food, housing, and good clothes

Your kids are gonna be sneaky regardless.

That's a pretty good life lesson , really. Sometimes you have to be sneaky and deceptive in your adult life.

@@noneofyogoddamnbusiness362no not really if you are genrally pretty reasonable avout expectations then your kids wont feel a great need to lie

+1

Every time you're forced to eat a hot dog from the gas station for dinner, rip off a chunk and place it in a tub of salt so you'll have food when your legs no longer function from years of physical labor.

@@powerpc127 I think you have a future as an Onion writer.

@@powerpc127 you got me fucking wheezing

Yes!!

ohmygod you actually cook your food? MY children only eat raw vegan and they all have IQs north of 140 and can speak Hindi

jackthayer lmfao I'm crying! omg. lmao

i noticed that she forgot, too.

It's such a pity I can't like that several times!

king78802 "No, not bottled water! That contains endocrine disruptors!" It has to be defluoridated, Brita filtered tap water!!!

Rapist Spongebob Fun fact: I think it has actually been proven that the Oscars are rigged.

Didn't everybody know that already? In fact, who the actual fuck still cares about the academy in 2020?!?

how exactly would the onion be getting an oscar ??? this is a web series

@@MyChannel773 this was a joke

@@octaviusroosevelt7355 bribes ahoy

40K Boss, both

My exact thoughts when watching this

​@@cadenhenderson4322 They are satirizing the "expert" who is telling parents all over the world how to raise their children. All children are different and some things work differently on some children than others.

They are satirizing the "expert" who is telling parents all over the world how to raise their children. All children are different and some things work differently on some children than others.

Kids Free They’re also satirizing the people who take that kind of advice as some kind of personal attack.

considering how much of a pair of jerks Jim and Tracy are she is not remotely condescending enough.

@@MusikCassette what did they do wrong?

@@PiracyMan everything. question: are you sometimes a douche bag to people who explain something to you?

RhythmOvPain WTF is your profile picture

Mr Hupwop it is a bumper sticker.

Fucking weeb

*what hentai?*

Two of them do.

Arid There is no one way to parent kids, but at the end of the day, if you’re hostile towards people who simply suggest or offer tactics to make it easier, then you’re probably insecure and are more worried about looking bad to other people than you are your child’s development. If somebody offers unsolicited advice, and is clearly trying to make you parent in a way that you don’t feel would work, or isn’t possible, then you’d have a reasonable source of irritation, which is not what’s outlined in this skit.

@Arid this makes fun of both sides!!!

For real though, so many shitty parents could listen to some advice or at least try to fix the issues somehow instead of flat out ignoring.

@Arid Lol, have you really never met someone who can't take criticism? It's a very common trait, and honestly it can happen to anyone in a given situation.

I love how this video draws two distinct kinds of responses; the ones that side with the host and the ones that side with the expert. The skit makes fun of both sides but people latch on to the one they identify with. That's a hallmark of top quality satire.

Yeah, because it's so accurate. Why even have guest questions if you don't give them time to answer. I'm looking at you CNN.

@@pugsabi Mm. Nope, try again. CNN does give them plenty of time.

@@OpusTheLeftie I feel like there is news network tribalism over in the US. Don’t know why, The Onion I by far the most quality news source

@Lucas Egeland You only think in binary terms, huh?

Just like Sean Hannity.

That fuck you rolled off the tongue flawlessly.

Lmfao i didn't even notice

Octo Pi That was the best part imo

I have thought this for years about The Onion. Even for those who speak English as a second language, but another culture, they wouldn’t guess this is American satire. It’s the one thing I am hesitant about with their content.

Exactly. It all looks so professionally done-a non-native speaker would really have to concentrate to pick up the REAL meaning from the subtleties of the spoken word. I had a class of older German students watch this and they had real problems getting the real message conveyed. Don't show the title. This is just BRILLIANT work from Onion.

Nya Swed that is so interesting that you took this as a type of real life experiment with students. The thing with The Onion is that they play it completely straight and the production values and every presentation is high since they mimic what “real news” looks like. This type of content doesn’t help advance others perception of America or its people. I mean it’s funny when you get that everything there is satire, but I hate to think there are people being actually duped by it.

My native language is Portuguese and I understand just fine. See, irony is not so hard to pick up.

As a non-native speaker (I am Austrian), you underestimate how much we understand severely. Somebody who just starts learning English will of course be confused (But he would be confused no matter what). But a considerable percentage of Europe (Non-UK) is well versed in English and will understand political debates in the US senate as well as the Onion. It has more to do with general intelligence and humour, I am sure there are plenty natives who don't understand the Onion because they lack one or both. Also: American humour is "in your face" compared to the rest of the world. Humour in Europe is subtle anyway, so The Onion is not hard to understand.

Nascar racing is actually a lot like being a mom, those cars are moving so fast and are so out of control just like your children and there's a ton of bumps and crashes on the way!

@@zaarongaming8174 facts

Or a babysitter

Or a pimp

Being a professional assassin is a lot like being a mom, you need to make sure the target goes to sleep before it’s too late, much like your children at night time.

Chop sticks

@@brittneynicole5358 r/wooooosh

@@camryncleveland2462 Go back to reddit. Now. 😐

Pumpkin this is the equivalent of telling someone not to link a RU-vid video outside of RU-vid

forkchops

Actual good comment with a good opinion wtf

I mean if the advice is asked for people are generally ok with it. Sadly most of the time parenting experts just give it unasked which makes the parents pissed and makes the expert come across as an asshole. It's the major flaw of people who are experts in any field; they kind of butt in when they're not wanted (I do the same)

Having a disease isn't the same as raising a kid,what most parenting "experts" don't understand is that every child is different,they have different behaviors and different needs,so what worked for their kids might not work for the children of other people Don't even get me started on the ones who don't have kids and then try to preach to actual parents,for those people I'm gonna quote my own father "Write me a fucking book lady,so you can watch me burn it" And "If I want your opinion,I'll beat it out of you"

@@mrslasher1064 I love the first quote

@@mrslasher1064 while that is true, it doesn’t change the fact that parenting is a learned skill. The fact that you had unprotected sex doesn’t automatically teach you how to be a parent, and there are way too many parents out there that are wholly unprepared to raise children but too prideful to admit it.

They are very very advanced, I went to Texas the other day and I handed the technology to your average male there and you know what he did? He forced peppers and bits of meat and BBQ marinade on it and threw it on a fire! He had absolutely no concept, that can only be explained by alien technology.

spoiler: its chopsticks

Anita Bonghit , what's the English translation of that?

@@demondwilson706 "Ouch"

@@anitabonghit2758 NOOOOOOOOOOOO, REALLY?

If the pig debacle is any indication, they can make new Jims in the lab.

I'll just leave the likes at 666

@@TomatoBreadOrgasm which one is the pig video? I keep reading about it but i've never seen it.

@@Bonez0rhey did a series called "Porkin Across America"

If the legend Jim Haggarty can recover from full pig reversal surgery, he can handle a couple dozen laced muffins.

Parent? I have three children they each have undeniable individuality that we couldn't create or destroy if we tried. Real kids aren't programs.

@@mineduck3050 individuality is different from a behaviour. example of a behaviour is how you act towards others, and individuality is something that distinguish you from others. 2 kids with different indivudality could have the same behavior, as a result of parenting.

@@jirehpsalmpaule6077 you guys always seem to forget culture and peers play a larger role in child behavior than parents do

@@jirehpsalmpaule6077 parenting is very overrate in terms of how your kids will act this assumes the blank slate that you can wire your kid to behave anyway ypu want. You cant all studies show genetics plays a huge portion of how theyll be but also peers and the culture around them

@@mineduck3050 If your input didn't have anything to do with environment, then why exactly didn't you just leave them alone in the woods with a childhood worth of food? You describe them as if you have no impact.

Andre P Dont quote something if its not even what was actually said

Can you not even remember a single stupid line?

"I can't believe people actually liked OP's comment" lmao

me too it was said.

AND SHE JUST SMILESS

note: their kids will not turn out ok

Note: Their grandkids will not turn out ok

Note: their great grandkids will not turn out okay

Note: their great great grandkids will not turn out OK

Note: Their great great great grandkids will not turn out OK

You know this is satire right

@@wolf-xf6hf Yep. But the reaction people are having in the comments to the idea of someone that unwilling to accept advice gives me hope. The commenters are often siding with the lady trying to give advice, rather than the people rejecting any new ideas, even in the context of the satire.

Omfg I missed that.

Yup, you have to be equal these days, so everybody's a cunt :D

@@mikkovaan8636 it's not discrimination if you hate everyone ✌️❤️

Its you

@@improbabbel8362 every child is different, and sometimes talking in general when it comes to raising kids is not the best thing Altought this a common error beetwen experts and parents

@@improbabbel8362 I'm late, but the other side is how irrationally angry the hosts (Who act as the "Angry parent" side) were at even the notion of someone suggesting that their parenting could be improved, also shown by the fact that they talk over her and refuse to listen at all ("Just keep playing the questions, dont let her answer" because they dont want to five her a platform at all.

*aggressive

This is actually genius

Language acquisition is heavily contextual so, if anything, it's really bad

@@davidschwimmer7940 I feel like you deliberately missed the point where I said "can't read context to verify". You saying blind people aren't capable of communication?

@@KelticStingray No I'm saying that for people who can see, learning a language is highly dependent on exposure and context based clues. A video where the words and visual context clues are inconsistent would be bad for learning English.

@@davidschwimmer7940 well I guess I fundamentally disagree

I wanna know how many takes it took for them to actually get it so flawless, I would fucking die laughing every time.

It’s called being professional

@@PopTap Or it's called editing. Take your professionalism and shove it up your ass!

@@PopTap oh, professional actors don't goof up? Can't wait until humanity gets its first real actor!

It's satire. It's kind of the point. The British do it a lot better

You still dead?

@@lagrangepoint9386 He is still dying

I mean, that sounds like a healthy mum lmao. Baby yoga might be a bit much. .

@@ttv_mrjack6749its the attitude behind that shit. Sometimes they also make hella money out of a fake lifestyle and then it becomes real, and the son/kids become kind of a prop for money/entertainment/views/relevance

What is wrong with any of that, besides the baby yoga?

She’s saying it’s a bit unrealistic

The important part to realize is that it’s fine if someone wants to do the whole “bento box, meal prepping, super organized mom” approach, but the issue comes from when they start using “holier than thou” and shame/guilt tactics to convince their viewers that anything less than what THEY’VE done isn’t enough

nobody likes unsolicited advice, to be fair

Moist nugget well that’s the first layer of satire in this brilliant news segment. Gosh what are we without the news...

@@BusyAngel9999 yea I got that, Rose

Moist nugget There's a big difference between not liking something because actual reasons and not liking something because you're confronted with truth. And it's not just for advices, but for stuff like blame/guilt too. That's the point sometimes: you not liking it it's exactly what should trigger the change and instead people hide like always

What's the weather like up there on that high horse?

Do you kiss your parents with that mouth, Brucie? Oh...right...no parents...

Personally I go for a cross-eyed deadpan look while I do the jerk off gesture, but I feel we can all our own little flair to it.

Lmao how did I miss that?

@@MrUmakemelaff *O O F*

lmao 😂

Is that really what it means?

Toby Woby I was being PG-13 for some unknown reason, but you're not wrong!

I found out it means "masturbate," eek.

Acting

Medication

You guys have some shitty speakers

midivilplanet That depends on the volume of the video itself. Other times they are really good speakers depending on which video I'm watching.

I had no problem with the audio in this video.

Yes, the audio is a bit low.

Yeah pretty low but still pretty funny.

That's about the point the real parents go, yeah- the know it all, knows what she's talking about.

That’s actually good advice tho you can never have too many pockets

"Book" 😂😂😂😂😂

hi mikea, have you become a flat earther yet?

Same for being a licensed dietitian.

jrg305 Yeah, unfortunately it’s the same for quite a few fields of expertise

Don't know about developmental psychology but developmental pediatricians are worth their weight in gold.

Insecure parents: I don't need parenting advice from anyone because I raised two kids myself Kids: One pregnant at 16 and the other in juvie

Psychology is a touchy subject because everybody has _some_ knowledge on it but most people simultaneously overestimate their knowledge as well. That's why psychologists nowadays don't directly people what to do but instead steer them towards the answer to make them _believe_ they have come up with it by themselves and respect it. The only side effect is that people think they're smart and the psychologist didn't do anything