It's refreshing to believe that there are still adults who enjoy ties, cocktail talk, nice socks, and maybe a small thank you later, after things have settled down for the night. A well attended party (on both sides of the table), is a joy we don't get much of here in the great frozen North. All the best. Thank you, again.
@@pepepepito623 Yes. We just spent two weeks in Orlando, returned with a creeping death nasal infection, but it has helped us relive the parties, and take time to enjoy seeing Raphael expose himself again! :D
After I attended a wedding, I remember that the host thanked me for showing up. He meant it. So even if a guest has spent a lot of time and money preparing for an event, it is actually a nice thing to attend this event, as long as you act appropriately. Preston, thank you for this video.
Charming, graceful and urbane advice: I realise how much I miss semi-formal social life, such as a drinks party with a time to arrive,a time to leave, and the certainty that people can be expected to observe etiquette and that the art of conversation will be practised.
Preston is so cool, I want to have his eloquence and prestance... I hope they will make a video about it because I tend to stutter when I speak english as it is not my first language
Read a lot, particularly of classic English literature, and like Preston, speak slowly and deliberately. I suspect that this is a learned behavior since Preston has (as mentioned in his biographical video) cerebral palsy.
@@therealgigglebopthat is what i do! I self taugh myself english at 14, and now that I am 16 i can read more advanced books like Shakespear and Virginia Woolf, I think the problem comes from me not being able to talk to someone native (im french) but I try my best with out loud reading
@@mattbellal try to get penpals from various english speaking countries, that is pretty good to work on your handwriting and vocabulary while giving more time to think about how you want to phrase your letters. _keyboardpals_ are fine too but it's usually faster and hence let you think about your message for less time. depending where you are in France, there's lots of english or american people, even in the countryside and some might be open to conversation unless they only want to hone their own french skills. students are another possibility but not very bright and quite superficial for the most part... 😼
Recently, I went to a cookout at our neighbors across the street. They had only moved in a few months before the cookout. We had been in the neighborhood about a year longer than them. We were surprised to see how many of our neighbors were at the party, many of whom we had never met. My wife asked our host about the names of a few of the guests. She told my wife that she had no idea. Apparently, her 3rd grade daughter had invited her entire school bus stop. The host was surprised by the big turnout.
And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we never invite others without explicitly being told we can (and how many) in the invitation. I wonder how many guests went hungry due to that! If they were prepared, then that's definitely above-and-beyond hosting.
Also, asking about the menu. You never know what allergens someone might need to be aware of, or even religious restrictions to certain foods. Most folks with food restrictions are more than happy to bring their own food to an occasion if it's appropriate; they just need to know.
I loved this video especially around asking questions of the host in advance. I am deathly allergic to cats. Therefore, this is a question I must ask the host for any event I attend.
I always appreciate if a time to leave the party is set in the invitation. Often guest tend not to leave, even when the party is over. „Coaches at 1.00 a.m.“
12:14 - I heard an anecdote from a butler once of a particular English aristocrat he served. Whenever he visited someone's home he would always have a little bag brought with him containing a pair of monogrammed velvet slippers so he wouldn't trek dirt into the house from his shoes. There can't have been much dirt considering those shoes were always maintained and polished to a mirror shine by the butler but it was all about the gesture
I actually do this! I have a pair of velvet Albert slippers with a fleur-de-lis embroidered on it. Whenever I'm visiting someone's home, I take my slippers with me. This completely solves the issue of me not wanting to walk around in a suit and socks, but also wanting to respect others' homes and keep them clean - even if the hosts say they don't mind.
Yet another great informative video. I have an idea for another one. What about automobile etiquette? Riding with in-laws went to open doors where to park, things like that. How to interact with valet attendant. How much to tip.
I haven't seen one but is there a video of how to host a party? I'm about to host one myself so those tips would be gladly accepted! Love your work Preston! Whenever your face pops up on my notifications I have to watch
I both used to and still sometimes find myself struggling with this issue. I often find myself in an awkward position of lingering - I have nothing of insight to say, there are no openings in the conversation, but I'd still like to be in the moment. I personally recommend looking around the party for other people minding their own business and introducing yourself to them. You'll be able to tell whether they want to be left alone or not pretty quickly. If they do want to chat, you may find yourself having a highly engaging and thoughtful exchange. My experience has been that the most intelligent and original guests are often the wallflowers.
5:49 “Remember that you shouldn’t be looking to change the party parameters, as much as just exercising your right not to attend.” I wonder if the “right to not attend” is an inalienable right, or if it must be fought for, like your right to party. :)
The issue I have seen as of late is the lack of dress code on wedding invitations. I've been to a couple of weddings lately and both younger couples and neither had a stated dress codes. I had to ask in both cases. Part of the move to more casual, less formal society I guess.
Weddings (especially those that require guests to travel) without dress codes on the invitation are a cause of a bit of consternation. This because you then basically have wobble through casually finding out what the wedding party is going to be wearing so as to be in that ballpark whilst not outdressing the couple.
I'm glad you mentioned bringing a bottle of wine as a gift. I was brought up being told it was the polite thing to do and it's something I've done my entire adult life. Quite honestly, I've never expected a thank you note for doing so, as I see it as an expression of thanks for the invitation.
I really appreciate these videos you make on behaviour. I know that many neurodivergent people, such as some of my students at school, would find these tips and observations very valuable. For most people, these sorts of social cues and expectations are learned easily, quickly, and naturally. However, for some neurodivergent people, especially those on the autism spectrum (for example), it can be tough to interpret cues and expectations. Having things delineated and expressed in such a clear way would really help some people internalize what others know instinctively ☺️
I appreciate the nod to the fact that wedding and funeral dress codes are much more important than arbitrary gathering ones. I'm not going to ditch the suit and tie because someone decided the party was "smart casual," which is actually a dress code extremely common in Colorado fine dining restaurants. I'll respect what a bride, groom, or deceased person wants, but otherwise, I bluntly don't care about people demanding I dress exactly how they want just because they only feel comfortable in life when everyone around them is exactly the same. We should be celebrating individuality, not crushing it for the sake of judgementalists! If I always adhered to the dress code in Colorado, I think I'd wear a suit a couple times a year at most. Bah humbug with that.
@@dandiehm8414 I would prefer that, yes. Thankfully, most of my friends don't really care about it. I suppose that whether it's the minimum or expectation depends on whose perspective it is - and I don't really care about catering to those who see it as the latter.
@luke5100 Ah - I am on the opposite side than what you imagine. I wear suits and ties to everyday situations. I wear white tie to the opera. I agree that it brings out the best in me in social gatherings; I feel rather uncomfortable in casual clothes, and so I dislike those silly dress codes that serve no real purpose.
Freeloader 😂. Yes you can spot them from far away with a mountain of food on their plate and getting several helpings. Of course no host wants their guests to be hungry and hope their food is tastely prepared but the host wants all guests to have a share. On my side I restrict myself too much especially in black tie or any suit as I panic to get any stains. . It's hard to keep the pleasant line.
I ended up hating Christmas as my 2 brothers [& girlfriends] would just drink, and smoke-and I would have to supervise their kids to stop them wrecking my parents house [who were busy in the kitchen] I was glad when they left.
Don't have this problem because I mix with individuals, who, despite our differing opinions, are still gracious to one another. I would never put myself in a situation where I am dealing with boors. Find a new circle of friends.
Thank you for the video. I enjoyed it. I do have a question. Regarding if it is polite to ask if someone else is invited, do you think this is appropriate if you are asking if your wife or significant other is also invited?
Yes, very nice and they didn't mention that the host or hostess gives the toast and if they don't a guest has to propose a toast saluting the host/hostess. It is done when the beverage is served at the beginning of the meal or before the dessert.
Some host don't even control their hyper dogs indoors. Also, a lot of guest usually don't bother to use the available beverage coasters on the tables. There would always be a guy or two dressed up ridiculously. LOL or not?
In my house I generally take my shoes off if I’m wearing trainers or work shoes, but dress shoes are fine inside, it would be weird to have someone take off dress shoes.
Agreed. I would NEVER ask anyone to remove their shoes. I think it is rude to do so. I pretty much do not go into people's homes when that is a requirement.
Removing shoes is a tricky one. In some cultures it’s expected to remove your footwear. In others, including how I grew up, it would be the height of rudeness to remove your shoes in someone else’s home unless asked to. Visual clues, or some understanding of the host’s preference, is key.
I also agree. We recently had a dinner party at our house. A guest asked, “Shoes on or off?” I replied, “On, please.” She responded, “Oh thank goodness.” I respect that other cultures have different customs. As an American I would never ask my guests to remove their shoes. When visiting people’s homes where I know I will be asked to remove my shoes, I bring along a pair of travel slippers that have never been worn outside and ask my hosts if I may wear those. I find parading around someone’s house in stocking feet (or God forbid bare feet) uncouth.
@@georgelush1998 100% Agree. As an American I would not think to ask others to remove their shoes any more than I would to ask them to remove their shirt. But I respect other countries have other traditions.
@@georgelush1998I take a pair of velvet Albert slippers for just that reason whenever I visit someone's house. It removes any pressure on the host(s), and it looks quite elegant while doing so.
Generally, etiquette dictates to respond by kind. A handwritten invitation begets a handwritten RSVP. An email invitation begets an email RSVP. A text or by-phone invitation begets a text or by-phone RSVP. I would be careful responding to non-in-person invitations with in-person RSVPs; some may be using written replies as a system to remember who's coming and who isn't. Considerate hosts who send handwritten invitations will often include an RSVP note in their mail, in which you can mark whether you'll be going or not (and if you're not, you still must check and send the "no"), along with any dietary restrictions for you to fill out. These considerate hosts will also use pre-paid postage. All of this especially applies for weddings. Handwritten invitations are generally used for formal occasions. Email invitations are often used for professional, club, and more distant relationships. Phones and texts are best for everyday get-togethers with friends. Any time you receive an invitation, you must respond within 48 hours with a yes or no. Traditionally, if someone invites you to a wedding, you have a good relationship with them, and you decline, you should send them a gift, anyway. For strangers and estranged family, don't bother. I hope all of this helps!
Dutch:een ober herken je aan een blad champagne glazen maar ook aan zijn black tie met sjaalkraag.Deze is ook voor goochelaars,croupiers,presentatoren en musici. De piekkraag is voor gasten.
With regard to Point #4, I recently had an experience that illustrated, to me, that there are quite a few people who either do not understand this or just don't care. We're planning a 60th party for my sister's upcoming birthday. She composed the list of people that she wants to attend and passed it along to me and the other person who is assisting with the planning. The total number of invited guests ended up being 55 people. One of my late cousin's widow was an invitee. She texted me several days ago, essentially saying that she invited a relative (the granddaughter of one of my late uncles) WITHOUT first asking if it was okay to do so, which, as is illustrated here, it isn't. I'm now trying to figure out a nice way to let her know that her actions were not within proper etiquette parameters, without calling out her ignorance of said etiquette. Which also brings something else to mind, what, if any, is a proper/best way to politely uninvite a guest?
