I wanted to see what would if I started acting more grateful towards my husband. Thus I started to say thank-you when he took out the garbage. Then he started thanking me for dinner. I thanked him for putting the kids to bed. He thanked me for cleaning up. I'd thank him for watching the kids while I went grocery shopping. He thanked me for doing the shopping. Then he'd bring that grocery bags in so that I could put them up. It sounds silly. But I swear gratitude can go such a long way. It's a simple gesture with a large return.
I feel like if you appreciate something you would more often than not say thank you, or at least say something to show you noticed their effort. Of course couples are different and so just because it has worked nicely for us doesn't mean it would work for others. However there is a slight added bonus, because our children have picked up the thank-yous as well. We get compliments now about how polite they are so that is nice.
If only every wife would show appreciation with sincerity there would be less problems and happier husbands. But as many females do they only speak when they want to bitch and nag about something real or imagined. I have not heard or received any visible signs that anything I do is right or appreciated. So I have reduced my efforts to doing the bare minimum required to take care of myself and my son.I will not swim an ocean for someone who will not jump a puddle for me
@@milkm856 can you articulate how to "appreciate" something? Do you actually do something to appreciate someone else's effort? or do you just smile and nothing else?
@@johnreed9050 Sexist. You see what you want to see. She shows far more then you do! She does far far far more then you do. So we can't speak our mind and we are less then you? No, we are not. They nag because he didn't get off his ass like he said he would. If he would get off his ass like he said, there would be less problems and happier wives.
True kindness is done without any expectation of getting repaid. A purely kind person would "do the little things" and never expect to "be given much".
Yeah. 28 years of sucking up and being totally grateful and reading every book and doing everything that a dutiful wife should do....he was still a jerk ...but, as my 102 yr old nana said, "well, at least you got beautiful babies"...."Useless" (as he came to be known) lost me to a true gentleman. I show that man the same gratitude that I tried to show my ex ....what a world of difference. Textbook results, ladies. It all comes down to the man, I guess.
That's a horrible generalization. It comes down to both partners. A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. That's great you were kind, but that doesn't MAKE a guy be kind. You have to pick a good man from the get go. You can't pick a lame duck and expect niceties to change him.
@Sal Blasker yes. But you have to know how to spot them. There are ppl that fake being nice. It's hard to know exactly who is real, but I think it's one of those "deep calls to deep" things. If God wants you to know someone is a gentleman, He will give him lots if opportunities to show it genuinely.
@Sal Blasker I am sorry to say this Sal, but the tone in your statement is very negative; and can ruin your chances of a good relationship. Remain positive, and more importantly, be the person you would want the other to be. This way you will naturally have a very high chance of getting a good partner.
Its all about voicing your appreciation to your life partner of the small things that are what long term relationships are built on & to keep it a loving one.
I really like this guy .With that said, I don't know why he singles men out for wanting appreciation. It's common knowledge that everyone wants to be appreciated.A BIG duhhhh on that one.
Yes everyone, but because us women take care of these things daily, with no appreciation for each and every single action, we find men to be immature when they want praise for doing such basic necessary things.
I might add that most of the content is meant to address typical marital problems. One of the most common complaints from a wife would be that her husband doesn’t do his share around the house. The whole point of this segment is the way to begin to fix that problem is to reward him with appreciation when he actually does it rather than beat him up verbally and emotionally when he doesn’t. Of course women want to be appreciated as well, but that’s not the problem being addressed. At least from my perspective anyway.
John, this guy is not the best at marriage advice. He is good at pandering to women and disparaging men. You will notice that he mostly just tells men how to change his behavior for the wives and then tells the wifes to appreciate what he is doing. But I have not really heard a speech of his where he is telling the women what they need to change about themselves to make their man happier.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 so what makes men happy ? Sex, ego stroking, being taken care of... having a beautiful wife that keeps up with her looks... ? Im going on a day dream quest so I'd like to have some of my facts straight
@@ArcticFirepixy obviously what makes each man happy will be slightly different but generally yes, sex is important to the majority of men. I think Dave Chappelle said it best. He said men are generally simple, all we need from a woman is for her to feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up every now and then. This is of course a short version but pretty much sums it up. Most women nag the shit out of their man with nonsense and this causes the majority of issues. And if she is not giving him regular sex, this causes problems. I personally am a better cook than my wife so I feed myself. But if she cared to learn how to cook, I would prefer that she cooks. Those are the big ones, and maybe i'll add that women should slow down the spending on stupid shit.
@@MrErzberg This is not useful and wise at all . And it goes very hard against what the Bible preaches . Titus 2:4 says that women are the ones who must busy at home and care for domestic chores. Proverbs 31 woman shows the woman taking great care of all the things around her home while her husband is at the gates of the town sitting with elder .
I messed up and spoiled my husband. He goes to work. Nothing else. 3 kids. We are in our 40’s. I recently got a part time job. He didn’t start doing anything extra. So now, I “forget” to do his laundry, get his favorite snacks, his shampoo, his deodorant, his shaving cream. I’ve also “forgotten” how to mow the lawn and take out the trash. He hasn’t figured it out yet. Probably never will.
Marriage is a contract and like any business transaction it only works when it’s win/win. As soon as it’s not, then it’s over. If you want it to work out, it takes two people to do it. If you want it to get better, it will take two to do it.
yeah, but it is never enough for you women. you are never content. If he does 10 little things for you that week, you are mad he did not do 20 little things for you. It simply is never enough. And once a man is tired of doing hundreds of little things for you with very little reciprocation from you, he gives up and turns of the TV. Then you get to complain that your man is lazy. I'll bet your man wasn't lazy at first, but after years of no appreciation/reciprocation, he BECAME lazy. Women want the world from her man, but at the same time is offended if ANY expectations are put on her.
The wife as he portrays her looks more like a mother than a wife actually. Everybody should know that this man wrote a book entitled "Treat him like a dog ".
Saw Laugh Your Way To a Better Marriage with our single's group who is a break off of divorce care, had we all seen this 20 years ago we'd still be married! He is awesome!
I'm sorry but in glad I'm not from this older generation. You shouldn't expect a reward for doing 'adult' things like cleaning up after yourself. You ate from those dishes as well so just empty the dishwasher. My mother and most women do this daily on top of having a job and don't expect any sort of appreciation. And I'm a guy, just clean up after yourself damn
THANK U GOD! U FOUND THE ONE & ONLY REAL MAN FOR THE JOB! THE GUTS TO TELL IT LIKE IT IS! IT'S HIGH TIME, WE TRY TO TURN THIS GENERATION AROUND, CAUSE WE WERE ALL HEADING STRAIGHT TO HELL! UR PASSION & LOVE FOR THE WORLD REWARDED U WITH AN IINCREDIBLE GIFT! IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT! ALMOST EVERYTHING U SAID WAS FUNNY, & HUMOR IS NOT ONLY THE BEST MEDICINE BUT THE BEST WAY FOR PEOPLE TO LEARN & MAKE IT STICK! AHA 🐝 🦉
Now if his wife was on stage she'd be saying: yeah he emptied the dishwasher but he put em all in the wrong place. AND he didn't stack the coffee cups with the handles pointing out, AND the bread plates don't go to the RIGHT of the dinner plates, every moron knows they go to the LEFT....but good job little boy (while rolling her eyes) lol
Working to paying bills like mortgage, insurance, phone bills, automobile payments, grocery, electric, water, clothing, trash, vacations & misolanous are taken for granted so be spontaneous!!!
Ladies.... those of you who are moms to boys... everything you do, that rewards us... from potty training to cleaning our room, to eating our vegies.... trains us to expect that same treatment from our women..... we don't want our mothers ladies... we just want to be treated as kindly, as nurturing as our moms did. It always amazes me when I see a women complain about the way her husband acts... then demonstrates that same training behavior to her son.....
Yup. Men don’t want mothers but they want motherly women, because a motherly woman will be a good mother to THEIR children. Some aspects of wife and mother carry over though and applies to both. A mother should be loving, supportive and willing to gently correct mistakes their kid makes. A wife needs to be loving, supportive and willing to gently remind her husband when he is making a mistake. She isn’t doing things for him the same way a mother would, he’s an adult and can take care of himself and he wants to support his wife. But supporting and loving him, nurturing him and behaving like a loving wife will require a ven diagram overlap of skills that motherhood has.
Guys: If the dishwasher is full, put the dish in the sink and run hot water over it. This will only work with women who won't do nice things for you. It'll piss her off and make her think she's doing wrong and wanna appreciate you more. Also with cards: Fucking get a piece of paper and write a sweet poem or letter. Women love deep thoughts and loving gestures more than bought objects.
How about not treating a man like a dog, respect him as an equal partner and human being, and talk about your problems with him like an adult? This is demeaning to both men and women.
+myroncope5 What about respecting him as the HEAD of the family and the one she ought to obey ? But that "pastor" does not teach what the Bible teaches anyway.He teaches what tickles ears and pretend to "heal" marriages , teaching conditional sex when the Bible tells that a wife has no authority over her body but her husband ( the reverse is true also).What a joke really !
I agree, these preachers love to use the bible to tell men about his marital obligations, yet they get super forgetful when it is time to explain that the Bible says for the wife to submit to her husband. these public speakers are all the same, just pandering to the egos of women because they are gullible enough to pay some guy telling them what they want to hear. but these women would stop paying to see him if he started quoting the Bible on wife duties and the wife's place in the home.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 Did you know that this man wrote a book entitled " Treat him like a dog" ? I cannot believe that it is true. These so called men of God will have a hard time one day when they meet the Lord .
hopefully you do more than that to show appreciation.... If you spent hours making dinner for your man and then made his favorite dessert and you had him eat it off of your naked body and all he did was say "thank you" and went out with the boys while you went to the kitchen to clean the dishes, would you be cool with a "thank you"? How about you DO something for him to SHOW your appreciation for the things he DOES for you? Actions are better than words.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 you have a lot of assumptions to not know me but yes I do way more than just say thank you. The objective of the talk was that people don't verbalize a thank you after being together for a long time. But yes, he is treated like a king in this house
@@elainex5666 I didn't make assumptions. I said, "hopefully you do more than that". Haha, I did notice that you were very vague. "treated like a king" is pretty subjective. Just curious, what do you actually do?
@@nickdipaolofan5948 Because you are genuinely curious I will tell you a few things. I cook him a homemade breakfast, lunch & dinner every day unless we go out, which isn't too often. I take care of all domestic house chores inside the home, I work from home full time but it allows me to work my day around my husbands schedule. I meet him at the door every day when he gets home with a hug & kiss & a hot dinner on the table. When he is talking about his day I actually listen & don't interrupt, he does the same for me. I actually pay attention to his needs, he never has to ask for something to drink or snack on because I have already set it beside him. I'm very old school in thinking that the wife should be the husbands helper. The more I can help him the more he can focus on his business & getting it where he wants it. He will be leaving his full time job soon to work for just himself. We do a lot for each other but show appreciation in many different ways all the time, not just verbal.
He will be rewarded with increasing demands and an ungrateful attitude. Females are not required to sacrifice anything but get the benefits of his sacrifice. Thus is justvbullshit to get males to do what females want. They offer the occasional starfish just lay there sex to keep him thinking she actually cares when nothing could be further from the truth.
Yep, bust your ass all year long with tons of shit you do for them. But mess up on Valentines or Anniversery and everthing you did for her during the whole year, won't mean shit.
Highly complicated situation. Frustrating at times when you can't express the appreciation in a manner in which is not only appropriate but a little less public. This question just made me well-up a bit, I don't know why? Thank you for asking though. Some people love to verbalize their emotions ( and that's good too) but in some cases action speaks louder than words.
@@laydee5960 Great, I hope you (and more women in general) actually start thinking about what they can DO to reciprocate for the things their man does. So many men work overtime to make sure the kids can get braces. Many men get home from work and then start fixing things around the house, or attending kids events, or helping mom with dishes or any number of things. Men do so many things to keep his family happy but it is VERY rare to hear about what women do to reciprocate.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 "start thinking about what we can do to appreciate?". I think it's something that comes naturally for some people, a whole lot of thought is not necessary. If a man works hard to support his family in the ways in which you stipulated above then for some women it only comes naturally in small gestures that hopefully will be acknowledged by your partner. Every relationship is different and every man/woman is different. Knowing the person you're with plays a major role and exercising the love language that applies to him/her best on a regular. A good book to read is The five love languages. Nice to communicate with you again. Thanks for the tip.😃
@@laydee5960 I have read that book and agree with it, only problem is that women seem to mostly read that book with a mindset of what THEY need and not what they should be giving their partner. Also, notice how your man is doing big things (working overtime, sometimes putting himself through physical pain with hard manual labor, etc) yet you said you do small things for him. Why don't women seem to be willing to do big things in reciprocation for big things? For example, if your husband spends all weekend landscaping your yard, moving rocks and dirt and trees, etc. And all you do is give him a nice glass of lemonaid; how is that reciprocation? Sure, it is nice but how about you step up your game? A man is willing to even degrade himself for his woman. So many men are willing to swallow their pride and do degrading work (such as sanitation jobs, begging his boss for overtime, etc) just to make his woman happy, but I've never met a woman who is willing to degrade herself for her man.
The husbands stop romancing their wives. They start to get passive and lackadaisical, they just don't continue to do what they did at first. That's where it starts to go downhill. They drop the ball.
+mspixiedust100 No you're right, ..not ever in the history of the world has a woman ever messed a relationship up. It's always the guys. Come on, every situation is diffirent and it's a complex interraction between both. You may have had your bad expieriences, hey so have I. And for a while I used to feel just like you, but then about women. Allong the way I've learned that it's not always black and white. Sometimes people end up doing bad things, or not doing the right things because there's other factors at work that drive them to do it. And those can be found on both sides of the situation. I hope you can let go of the past and start a new, if you're currently facing these issues talk to him, without blaming him for it. See what makes the situation tick toghether.
I already know he didn't continue doing what he did in the first 4-5 months. I let him know that I noticed that and needed it. No change. So in this case it is him dropping the ball.
i'm sure there's more to it than that. could be chicken or the egg debate. perhaps, the woman is also not dressing up like she used to, not being as sweet as she used to and ect. but it doesn't matter what comes first both parties need to work on their parts.
@@missyfrog1 For example: 'I admire your sense of responsibilty' or 'your intelligence' or 'you are for me the most handsome man I know'. He tend to reject any compliments... Can you imagine why?
@@missyfrog1 I told him: "I don't understand why you get angry" but he just turns away, says nothing... I'll try to ask in another way, thank you... Have a nice day!
That sounds awful, I'm sorry. Maybe just ignore it, it sounds like something he has internally that has nothing to do with you. You have a good day too.
because that is her job generally. Nobody throws men a parade for going to work every day and being the breadwinner. Nobody compliments men when they fix the lawnmower. Nobody cheers for their man when he works overtime to pay for the middle kids braces. Oh, and after a few months of "helping" his wife with HER job of doing the dishes or cleaning the house, it then becomes expected. Over the last few decades men have been expected to take on a portion of traditional women's roles, such as cleaning the house, doing dishes, making dinner, etc. Now, if the wife also works just as many hours as the husband, I am fine with this. But if the wife is a stay at home wife, why is the man expected to do 100% of his role (working, house maintenance, car maintenance, yard maintenance, heavy lifting etc) and then also expected to do about 30% or more of his wife's job? Also, if both the man and wife work the same amount, why does the man have to do half of her home duties (cleaning, dinner, dishes, etc) but the wife is not expected to get under the car and change the oil? Why isn't the wife replacing drywall? Why isn't the wife fixing the mower?
@@hardikeywan9930 Thank you, I am so sick of the culture today acting like women are so put upon. If gender roles and pride were not involved and people where simply looking at expectations on paper, MOST objective people would easily agree that men have WAY more expected of them and they would choose the woman's list of obligations over the mans list of obligations.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 Women WORK AND STILL DO FAR FAR FAR MORE HOUSEWORK. GUYS NEED TO HELP OUT WITH MORE HOUSEWORK!! They are lazy and entitled. Damn straight 30% or more! He does very little, she DOES SO SO SO SO MUCH MORE!!
For goodness sake people in the comment section!!! The dishes example is a simplification of a more complex concept; not the perfect formula for happiness in marital/sexual relationships!! Would it hurt for y'all to perhaps stretch your diminutive minds a bit and stop taking things too literally or at face value and look at the FLAMING BIGGER PICTURE *PLEASE?!* He's saying that if women want to let a man know that he isn't worthless (which I daresay is our biggest fear), she would be very successful if she lets him know that she appreciates and notices the mundane things that he does for his wife. And if she does this, he will in kind begin to notice and appreciate what she does more easily, and will be more likely to express his thanks. Why is such base logic difficult to grasp?!
I' M WORTH IT! Do unto others ' as you would have them do unto you What applies to men applies to women.We all want to be appreciated respected acknowledged reassured cared for made to feel needed wanted accepted validated & there should be compromises & sacrifices & quality time shared amongst both of the sexes. Danica
Dud Adam aww sorry you had to deal with that..my son was 8 ..made me a lil carving he thought it was crappy.. hes gone.. i still have that carving.. hope you can forgive your mom
Guess she didnt have a great example How did her father treat her mom and how did your dad treat her?! Though not an excuse but many needed help and didnt realise it then. Try to understand.
This is good....but even better would be to reward your man with sexual favors. We appreciate that even more than food and beer. Even better would be all 3.
What is stopping YOU from doing what ever task you are asking your husband to do? Men rarely ask their wifes for much (other than sex) but wifes ask husbands for dozens of things every day and then get annoyed when he only did 10 out of the twelve things that day. He forgot to wash the car? I guess you could nag him again to do it, ORRRRR you could turn off The Price is Right and do it your damn self...............
Nick DipaoloFan well I don’t nag but ask for a few things a year. The rest I hire someone because he just cares about tv watching or doesn’t care to do anything. It’s freeing to hire someone or work with someone to get things done. Once my son is out of the house, I will have to decide which direction to take.
@@jessicalt4121 good for you! but again, I have heard for years woman shouting that you can do anything a man can do. So why are you hiring out, or using your son? why aren't YOU getting up on that roof? Why aren't YOU fixing that pipe? Why aren't YOU patching that drywall? I know a few women who seem to be able to do it. My wife's best friend (who doesn't have a man) never asks for dudes to do shit for her, she looks up the youtube video (like most of us men) then gets to work fixing the gutters or what ever else needs to be done.
@@staceyupper2562 if the guy is completely lazy and never does anything for his wife, that is one thing. But if he is not lazy, and does the majority of things reasonably (again, reasonably) asked of him, then why can't the woman just do the thing she is asking to be done, herself? If you respond with "what if she is unable to do it?", my response is "how sexist of you! Women have been shouting that they can do anything a man can do, only better, so we know there is nothing her husband can do that she is unable to do......"
D Lakland 😅 What are you, fucken 12? 😅 Men like to be needed. Men like to be appreciated. Men like to be/ feel useful. Men like to be told all this shit. It makes us feel like a man.
Christopher McAuley Ekk christ. No shit dummy. But this video is all about work men do to get women to..... to appreciate men. It's one sided work work work then you get it. Lame and one sided.
+D Lakland Oh my. Someone obviously didn't get his semen quota this morning ☺ Maybe you should be a little nicer to your dog. You get appreciation for doing something. Not doing jack shit. He's just telling women what they fail to realise. Say thank you to your man for doing shit or he won't do it again. Also, I just make a statement and you got all pissy. So, why don't you sit the fuck down, colour in your book, and come back when you have learned how to communicate in an adult fashion. Peace, out 😆
I'm a man. I've watched 45 seconds so far. His message may be funny and innocent. I could not help but notice the message on the monitor behind him. "Train him with positive reinforcement". Train me? This is the entire problem. Women believing thinking they should "Train" their husbands. Yeah, this is disgusting. The male bashing is strong in this one. Feminist propaganda. Yeah men "get a clue" he says. I agree, get a clue, you're a catch! Stand up for yourselves. You're not on the earth for the sole purpose of keeping her happy.
Funny guy, but what turn-off his message is. How about empty the dishwasher because you eat, therefore dirty the dishes? You know...so that you don't have to be thought of as a child who needs rewarding for discovering that you can be self-sufficient all by yourself.
Fantasticifaction That couldn't be any further from the truth. It has nothing to do with neurochemistry, but of the child inside the man and his foolish expectations of the woman.
My man cleans up after himself, and actually does a considerable amount of the housework "without" being told. He doesn't moan, or expect to be rewarded for it, either. I married an adult, not a baby. See how that works? ;)
Yes indeed. Plenty of men are in this category. I have been married for 17 years, have four children, and I hope that I am in this category myself (though I certainly have my bad days or bad moments.) And yet... and yet! I bet that if you regularly noticed and appreciated all of the "routine' things your man does and which you take for granted, your man would start raising his game and maybe blowing your mind every now and then. Which is kind of, ahem, Mark Gungor's point here. It does not matter if it does not make sense to you. It is how things usually work. There's plenty that, to a male perspective, doesn't make sense to us either.
