I'm a divorced daughter after 18 years, my dad took me in like it's nothing. My dad once said to me, I would rather have a divorced daughter instead to bury my daughter. If your husband doesn't love you, come back home,my daughter!
Me viv ncaus aw, cov nov ces yog hmoob txiv neej tsim rau lawv kom lawv yuav tau niam yau xwb os, es kom peb cov ntxhais rov tsis tau qab xwb, vim thaum ub, lawv cov niag nom tswv los yeej yuav 2 niam hlob niam yau kawg li ces lawv yuav tsum tsim cov niag cai nov los heem rau cov ntxhais kom ua tsis tau nkauj fa rov qab xwb os nawb.
Sister, this is American you don't depend on a man anymore. You don't need your dad's permission to live your life. Your dad don't pay your bills. If your dad wants to treat you this way then leave him. Grant his wish. It's a 2 way streets
Oyo, listening to this lady gives me a headache. Women suppression at it's finest. First off, be a leader in your own family and make your own decision about your own happiness. I don't understand why all the need to go ask her parents and the relatives. If he's a looser/cheater, kick him to the curb and be the role model you want for you children/want your children to see. Unfortunately some of these practices will died hard, it's not impossible but it has taken over so many hundred of years and it hasn't change. What we women must do is teach our sons better, teach them to stand up to these injustices. Also don't be telling these stories on RU-vid and hide in secret, point these people out and start a movement to fix these issues. Lecturing and telling these stories do nothing, actions still speak louder than words. Lastly, why must we conform to these culture practices, we can start something new and pave a new way forward.
New generation now, some men's still fellow what their parents tell them..so girl if your man is not strong enough to make his decision, just leave him, move away from your inlaw, or let him be with his mama..
Well said. Her mom’s generation, sure i can say I sort off sympathize. But her generation, i say she’s just dumb. I don’t get mad at them guys anymore, I’m actually disgusted by those women acting like little girls running back to mommies & daddies, tolerate those men and their disgusting abuse, but wishing for a change. Oh Lord. LOL
@@mayalee2400 I agreed completely. I also don't understand some of these women, they see the abuse their mama faced but continue to tolerate it. Be independence and quit having so many dang kids. I especially hate those that uses their children to stay as an excuse. Some men, once they no longer love you, they don't care about your kids or offer help to support them. Let our mamas generation be the lesson we learn and not make the same mistakes. I know I've learned a lot from my mother's generation, abuse, and suppression. I vowed to not make the same mistakes and I'm doing everything in my power to not live like my mama's generation.
That's how it should be. I know my parents would not do what your parents did for you for me if I was in the same shoe. However, as a mother and having a daughter, I'll do everything in my power to take my daughter back. She knows I got her back regardless of whatever happens. I'll fight to the death for my children especially my daughter.
Maybe because your in a newer generation, they will take you back, if they know God, but if they don't know God, if your sick in any way, I'm pretty sure they will put you outside too..newer Hmong cultural still fellow by the old age group....
Are u a christian or what kine of religions do you have, as I known there only those who are Christians only they can welcom all the daughters back to the Family.
No not all parents are like that. Thaum kuv nrauj txiv rov qab lo kuv 4 tug nus tau hai kuv ob zaug tia lawv yuav muab kuv hu plig rov qab ua lawv tus tu muam tab kuv tsis kam vim kuv muaj ib co me nyuam es kuv cov me nyuam ua li cas kuv yuav ua li lawv vim kuv cov me nyuam thiaj yog kuv rxoj Sia tab kuv yeej ua tsaug ntau2 ua kuv cov brothers love me.
Cov sisters aws, cas nej tsis paub tu siab li os? Luag hais npaum li no los yeej tsis tu siab li. Vajtswv hlub koj os. Ciali mus cuag nwg. Nws yuav so koj lub kua muag. Koj tuag, pawg ntseeg mam li pam koj xwb os.
Yog kawg os tus me Niam tsev kav tsij mus ntseeg Vajtswv nawb mog Vajtswv yeej Tsis xaiv tus ruam tus ntse tus zoo tus phem tus muaj tus pluag Vajtswv txais yuav tas nrho os mog Vajtswv hlub peb txhua2 tus os peb tej neej tsa Tsis yuav peb los Vajtswv yuav nawb mog koj mus ntseeg Vajtswv yog Ib qho zoo kawg li os me Niam tsev txhob tu siab Vajtswv tseem hlub koj heev nawb mog
I have no words..c’mon ladies, be smarter and love yourself, know your worth. Don’t waste your time on someone who clearly doesn’t love you anymore. You’re only killing your self esteem and you’re letting him hurt you more and more. Don’t listen to what others say or tell you. You do what’s best for you and your kids, be independent and kick him to the curb.
👏👏👏that's right. All those bad things that he's cursing her with, he's just a coward and not a man. Let him go, he'll run to another woman and let someone else tolerate his dumb behaviors. Hmong women are getting smarter now, many will not tolerate this kind of craps that her ex-husband or her dad is doing.
Cia kom zoo li no thiaj li muaj neeg los ntseeg Vajtswv Yog tseem muab nej los hu plig rov qab los ces ntshe peb hmoob yeej tsis paub Vaj Tswv txoj kev Hlub li os
Cov lus teb tus niam tsev no ce raw li kuv xa ce peb cov ntxhai yug lo thaum tseem nyob ntawm niam txiv tsi tau mus yuav txiv thiaj muaj nqe xwb yog mus yuav txiv lawm g muaj nqe lawm ce yav no lawm tov yug tau txhai ce muab pub lwm haiv neeg yug tau tub ce ma yuav peb cov hmoob g txhob yug txhai lawm
This story, this life style is depressing. Even if my parents were like this I wouldn't allowed myself to bag for my parents to take me back. Happiness is in the palm of your hand not by your culture.
This storey is sad.. But I totally agreed with you. I don't understand n will never understand why some parents are strict like this father of her. It is so true that the old ways it don't really matters anymore in this modern time. After our parents age all gone. Eventually the ritual tradition will fade away after many decades in the future. Our future n destiny is in the palm of our hands. We are in control of our own life. Depends on that.
I'm glad some Hmong dad's changing. For those whose parents are very conservative and if you don't want to go to church, look into Temple of Hmongism. They have already implemented the said changes. They have also shorten Hmong funerals, simplify traditional practices and huplig rau cov nkauj nrab rov los ua tau yus dabqhuas. Yeej yog li tus sister no hais, tub ntxhais los yog yus me nyuam yeej tsis txhaum dabqhuas li.
I’m still married but I totally agree with you. Hmoob txoj cai yog los tswj pojniam es txhawb txivneej xwb. Every family is a little more strict or lenient depending on the father in the home. I believe most men would keep it the way it’s always been because it benefits them. We, women, have to be and make the change. We have to start by supporting each other, stop allowing men to have more than 1 wife and stop dating married men! Most men have those standards and we should too!
We moua has change that hmong rule if any of our mom or daughter come back from a marriage we moua open arm to welcome them all back to the family like they never left our house.
Hai rau peb cov viv ncau mu ua lub neej tsis kawg kom txob tu siab yus niam thiab yus txiv tsis rub peb te lo ua lawv li kev cai lawm lo peb tu vaj tswv rub peb te lawm mog
I am very humble and proud to be Hmoob. Yes, I agree 💯% our culture practice and religion needs to modify and adjust for the success of future generations.
When a religious belief is created to oppress another life, it is not a religion. It is cruelty. This is a must change. Beautiful Hmong daughters were suffered and are still suffering to even now for since we Hmong walked on this earth. This is a must change. You all know what you need to do. Hmong parents will embrace any kid who is healthy and educated.
I couldn’t agree more! Thank you for making a big statement on this. I always wonder why we always get devalued by being a hmong daughter - if we get divorced its because of us , peb tsis siab ntev or peb mua tsis tau kids. Our worth becomes so devalued with whatever name. Although Some families has become more modernize and stop this kind of things but some old traditions just never dies.
Kuv muaj 22 xyoo, kuv mus ua kuv lub neej tsis tau muaj pes tsawg xyoo xwb kuv txiv twb hais tau lo lus tias, "Koj mus ua koj lub neej lawm koj tsis txhob cuam tshuam kuv lub." Kuv tu siab heev li os, ua ntej kuv yuav mus kuv twb yog tus hlub thiab pab kuv txiv tshaj es ua cas kuv mus yuav txiv xwb es kuv cia li tsis muaj nqi rau kuv txiv li lawm. Ua poj niam Hmoob yuam kev loj tshaj li os, niam laus May
I support you advocating for better treatment for our Hmong sisters and this is a common problem in our Hmong culture, but the real problem lies within individual self and family. There are many great Hmong fathers out there who welcome their divorcée daughters back with open arms. This father of yours was never a good father or husband to begin with. Your brothers or adopted brother are not be blamed for your unhappiness. To advocate for change, you have to change your perception on adopted children first. You already bashing your adopted brother as he is nothing. How can you advocate for change in our Hmong community when you too believe in nonsense beliefs like blaming your adopted brother for the death of your sister? My advice to you is be happy that you got out of a toxic relationship and focus on your own happiness. Your acceptance into the family should not be your priority.
Tus mi viv ncaus aw peb cov ntxhais nco lwm txhob los ua ntxhais hmoob lawm mog txawm hais npaum li cas los lawv yeej hais lawv txoj Cai hmoob xwb ces ces tu siab dhau li os mog
Vajtswv thiaj yog tus zoo tshaj lawm tiag2 vim peb txawm nrauj txiv tag los xf. Lawv yeej tsis hais lo lus tias tsis txais koj ib zaus li Kavtsij mus ntseeg vajtswv peb thiaj tau kev dim nawd mog.
Peb cov mus ntseeg kev cai ntuj lawm peb tsis muaj teeb meem txog txoj kev no, hmoob yeej ib txwm hais tias hmoob txoj cai yog dev thiab npua cai no nev.
Txhob Tu siab os tus me Viv ncaus aw tiam no peb yug Los ua ib tug ntxhais hmoob lawv txoj Cai thiab lub siab yeej tsim txom peb kawg thov Kom peb cov ntxhais yuav tau ua siab loj mog, hais zaj twg Los yeej mob lub siab tshaj vim yus yug Los txhaum ib tugkhaub ntxhais lawm os txhob tu siab mog
I only have 1 sister and 7 of us boys in the family. If this was my sister, I would take her back into the family in a heart beat. Bc I only have one sister. Hmong culture and traditions have change a lot but it’s just there is still a few that still hold the old old old ways. It’s up to us kids this generation to change it.
No women/daughter should have to go through such pain. We are living in the 21st century and don’t let your husband treat you this way. If your husband is cheats on you and beat you when you try to tell him your feelings. No need to get an approval from your family to divorce him. Just kick him out!
Tus niam tsev, koj yeej hais yog lawm. Peb tus ntxhais peb yug ces txawm zoo li cas los peb yeej yuav hlub. Txawm yog kuv tus ntxhais mus ua lub neej tsis zoo rov qab los los kuv yeej yuav hlub yuav txais nws li nawb.
I feel for you sister. I'm Hmong man. Born in Laos but raised in USA. I sometimes question our culture as well. I think nobody knows the truth about our culture. It's not written in Stone. I think Hmong man just made up or change according to their needs.
FYI, yes the Hmong Men make the law according to their needs. My ex was a Clan Leader. I questioned him and he has not been able to prove these "Hmong Law". He also does whatever he wants or please.
Tu siab kawg uas peb tseem muaj tej tug Txiv coj txhav li no. Kev ntseeg tsis hais fab twg tsuas yog Kev teev hawm kom peb ua neej nyob khwv tau Noj tau haus thiab muaj key coj zoo, hlub kwv tij phooj ywg. Yog muaj tseeb li hais tiag, tus Txiv tsev no yog ib tug neeg Txawj tab sis tsis NTSE, Ib tug neeg dab coj tsis yog coj dab. Yog koj NTSE, koj yuav muaj lub zoo hom phiaj los mus txhim kho thiab tiv thaiv koj tsev neeg. Yog koj coj dab, koj ua li cas hais li cas ces dab ua li koj coj xwb, tsis muaj qhov yuav. txhaum. Kuv ntseeg tau hais tias peb cov hluas zog peb tsis coj txhav li no lawm. Peb cov nkauj muam los yog thaum lub neeg mus tsis tau lawm, peb yeej muab nws hu plig rov ua peb dab qhuas tsis muaj qhov yuav txhaum leej twg. Ntxiv ntaw, yog yus muaj noj muaj haus, tsis yog yuav hu yus cov pojyawm xwb, yus yeej hu tau txhuas tus neeg uas thaum ua neej nyob es muaj txiaj ntsim thiab hlub yus...xwm li txiv General Vaj Pov los nrog yus yoog tsis muaj qhov txhaum. Txhob tus siab rau haiv neeg Hmoob, tu rau koj Txiv xwb.
Lady, your father is just a few from the Hmong culture that don’t love their daughters and doesn’t respect women. Most men. Most fathers take their daughters back. He just doesn’t care about you, it’s time you moved on. He is a horrible father.
😆, I mean u already know what the culture is, but u want to test it out, then put your self in that situation....u were warned already before you divorced....I mean not all man and woman are perfect..
Agreed. If u know your culture n still do it, the punishment gonna be harder. That's all there is to it..my husband is Muslim n I know they can marry up to 4 wives, whose fault is it if he wants to?? Do I blame my husband? I don't think so, I blame myself.
Sister I feel sad for you and your sisters. I don’t understand why some Hmong parents are so narrow minded. I am lucky that my Dad was very progressive…my Dad loved all his kids the same regardless of their gender. Because my Dad and Mom were so progressive all my siblings (one son and four daughters) were given the same opportunity and support from my parents. I am also a divorcee..and has been for a long time..but my parents continue to support me..my parents even supported me more after my divorce.
Be strong and make your own decisions. The traditional ways and beliefs were made by uneducated and cheating hmong mens back in the days. In this 21st century, there is no need to follow their beliefs. Our hmong women should learn to become more independent and shouldn't rely on the traditional ways and beliefs. Do what you gotta do and find your own happiness.
Yim niag hmoob ruam, tsawg tiam los yeej ruam li qub yeej tsis paub tias yuav tau pauv li luag lwm haiv neeg thiab, yog kuv los kuv yeej nrauj ntev lawm lawm os
That's right, also this is her chance to make a difference for her daughters. She need to stand up to teach her sons better and put her foot down on this bullsh*t. She can be the generation that breaks the cycle. Don't ask for the world to change, change from within your own family first, the rest will follow.
yog lawm os niam lau aw cas peb hmoob e nyiam muab txoj cai li koj lo hai tshaj li tiag .yuav tau hai rau cov txiv tsev hmoob tias yog peb cov ntxais tawm mu lawm e ua poj nraum rov lo e lawv tsi hlub li no hai rau cov coj noj coj ua tia qhov tsi zoo tuag kom txhob thov thov muam phauj tsawm no na niam lau aw
Me ntshais aw tsuav tsis ntev ces hmoob txoj kev cai no yeej youv tsis muaj lawm, Vim cov niag laus tuag tag ces yeej tsis muaj neeg youv los tuav txoj niag cais no lawm. It will make the changer..
Koj ua yog lawm txoj kev mob no raug leeg twg los yeej mob mog .koj tsis nyob los zoo kawg kuv los yeej tsis nyob thiab peb yuav tsum ua kom taus cov niag txiv tsev los yog txiv dev no thiaj tsis muaj muaj plhus os nawb .nrauj kiag mam nrhiav dua .koj na kav tsij nrhiav dua ib tug zoo zoo los hlub koj kom nws thiaj tsis khoob qhov ntswg nawb. Cov niag txiv dev ko yog tsis muaj peb nws yeej tsis txog twg thiab..koj tsis txhob ntshai tsam nws tsis pub koj tuag hauv tsev muaj nws dab .peb txhua tus mus tuag tom hoo maum xwb os tsis tag li mus vaj tswv xwb .tsis txhob tu siab rooj teb no nom tswv tsis pub peb tuag tshaib li os mog.we love you taking care of your safe okay.
Her father can huplig her back bur he doesn’t want too. He doesn’t want to lower his meej mom otherwise other “men” will look down on him. They can use all the excuses they want but they can’t say what is truly in their hearts. There was a ruling in Thailand where no one could find the root if the tradition. The old folks advised any family can huplig their didaughters back...but it’s up to the family. It’s a blessing that our parents...our fathers have daughters.
Hmoob txoj kev siab phem li hiam li no cas yuav mob hlwb ua luaj, ib tug ntxhais luag twb tsim npaum li ntawv cas hais tias ua nkauj fa es qaib npua tuag ho hais tias nqa xyob txhiaj dab tsis muaj qhov muag os yus hais tias zoo ces tsis zoo xwb, cas ho mus sau mi nyuam nplog los es ho tsis yog xyob txhiaj os hmoob aw hmoob yeej xyob txhiaj tshaj li os
Pab neej tsa no yog leej twg pab pawg twg ne cas siab zoo ua luaj, ua neej nyob ces ntshaw ib pab neej tsa zoo li pab no xwb tiag lawv, pab neej tsa zoo li no mas ntshaw kawg, pab no thiaj tsis yog pab tsa nees ov kwv tij hmoob
Mes thaum kuv hnov tus niam tsev ntawm ko zaj kev tu siab ntawm no kuv tu siab kawg kuv xav thov kom tus txiv tsis hlub lawm yog muaj me tub me nyuam yuav tsum cia cov me nyuam los tha leej niam thaum tag sim neej mas thiaj yog
I am so glad you have the courage to bring this culture of disrespecting our hmong ladies. We do need to change and stop doing this to our daughters, mothers, and sister. When we leave to get married and if it does not work out. It's okay to leave. Life is not perfect. Our parents and brother should accept us back. We are family too. This old culture of ours needs to change. If God can accept and love everyone without finding faults. Why can't we do the same? Are you going to let your daughter suffer for this culture just to save face? Thank you so much for sharing. I see that this is a real problem in the Hmong culture. The sons and daughters should be treated equally.
