Preparing Your Mind For A Break up With A Narcissist 

You go girl! "Fly free" & live life you're meant to have!

Sunny 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Hellooooo!!! I pray you are soaring.

And it took me nearly four years to regain my own sense of self.

My narcissist and I ended in 2011. I can't seem to fully recover. I'm suffering terribly still. The hardest part is trying to forgive myself because, after all, I consented to the identity theft by being and staying with him for as long as I did. It is and was extremely costly to me. I had finally taken off with a singing career I wanted to pursue my entire life. Finally overcame the fear. It took so much to get where I was, and I let him destroy that. I still haven't gotten back to it. It's insane. I feel like I died. I honestly feel like I died. No motivation. No drive. It's hard to breathe.

@@arturkvieira thank you

@@tedschmitt178 greatest thing is you did it😁

@@Jewelliet oh jewelliet I'm so sorry. You can do it. I keep telling everyone about the song I will survive. You should look it up when you start feeling that way & sing it loud & clear & you will be smiling ear to ear. Many prayers of healing & growing stronger 4 you 🥰😃😉

It is so true. It is one the things that it took a long time to understand how that I even let this happen to me. I realized that the first thing I need to do is to forgive myself, after I start forgiving myself little by little I start healing. Sorry my grammar not so good...

@@Ilopez0411 I think we're just nice normal people. We are going to trust until we see otherwise. They are just sneaky bastards who hide it as long as they can...not our weakness but their devious fake behavior.

I left 3 days ago after 10 years. I blame myself. Not sure I will be able you fully trust again

Tamara Ward You will but you need time.... Take this process slowly.... It hurt deep in your soul, but just know that you not along my friend...

@@tamaraward2207 good girl! You made the first step. When I did, I had no idea what my next step would be, just that I had to save my own life, for once vs die a new death every day. Every day forward you will heal. You won't be the same person ever again. You will look at the world differently now that you know there is evil in it. That's ok. Trust yourself. Be alone with yourself, good bad and ugly. Cry. I cried every morning when I woke up until I had a daily purpose. Journal if it helps.. Indulge in small pleasures that mean something to you. I walked and cried. Smoked pot. Had a cocktail at night and watched tear jerkers. Never let any man into my little house. Went to the movies. Volunteered at a pre-school where love is overflowing. And then read about why I did this over and over again.. I read the book "Anatomy of the Spirit". Write me anytime. If I could do it, you can too Tamara.

Good luck to you Loli as you begin the next leg of your journey! Dr. C

Wow, so good

Too nice of a departure.

This is exactly what I did last wk!!

I left her 48 hours ago.

it's time to walk away from the table when love is no longer being served. (can't remember the person for the quote.)

Lori White , but even the narcissist “loves” you

The narcissists loves one person and that's themselves!

When you know how much youre worth, you stop giving people discounts.

Proud of you

Was Marcus a narcisssist?

@@dirkverploegen4784 No?

kwiet23 OMG! Exactly same here, it is crazy . Addiction and trauma bond....takes time to heal 💕🙏

I'm missing him and we are together 😨😨😨 so I don't know if he was ever really here...

Part of our mind tries to rationalize and is more interested in preserving the relationship even if it’s deeply flawed. That’s because we have invested so much in that person, We pity them and sometimes miss them and yet it really is healthier to be away from them, Don’t let them control you further by thinking of preserving the relationship because it will come at the cost of your own identity and that price is too high to pay.

try to remember that the only reason you were with that person is cuz they "mirrored" you. if you liked something, then they did (but not really). you thought you had a relationship w/a person who was "like" you. alas, you didn't. the person you are missing doesn't exist. I know it's painful, and I am so sorry.... been there.

@@CarefulSteps1 oh God I thought we were a match made in heaven or he told me that ......that I meant the world to him.Now he says we were not compatible ......like that hurts even though I know he is making this all to make me feel inadequate😓...

Minds was if only you stayed . .I told you I'll get the carrrr. Wow.

He didn’t have to ask…he knew the answer, and surely didn’t want to hear it from you. Truth hurts, and they have no interest in truth.

Tried over and over. Heard it takes 8 times. Its the money. I moved us to this beautiful spot in Seattle Alki Beach, he was living north of Seattle w his dad. This was MY happy place. Now hes messed up my money so much, Im stuck and not even on the lease anymore! I was so afraid of getting an eviction I signed off. Ugh!

@@grungestoryteller You're going through some tough stuff. I'm sorry to hear. I was worried about my financial position until I laid my papers in front of a lawyer and she told me I was safe. So I've been through what you're feeling. I hope you have some good support with a friend or two or a counsellor.

I wish I could

xana land exactly

I left mine after 16 years of marriage. It took giving up the dream of living in a single family home (American dream - thinking if it looks normal, it must be normal), being divorced, giving up the idea that it was going to get better after every instance of abuse. When my daughter became more emotionally mature than my husband at age 12, I was DONE. Don’t let your family members make you feel like a failure. You are saving YOUR LIFE and seeking happiness. If you have or can find someone who has gone through this and can support you through the process, this can be the difference being actually, finally leaving. I signed the lease on a rental, and I was shaking. It took me two months to get the nerve to move out. My Ex just collapsed like a little boy and cried all night when I finally told him we were moving out. Best night of sleep I had in six months.

Tarantulas with Shanti I couldn't agree more- was just thinking the same thing.... Dr Carter is a blessing and offers hope to lot of hurting people out there.

@@cbholmes4739 Yes, I agree with you that Dr. C is a blessing to so many people. Though there are others I have watched and are also very good, Dr. C is the gold standard in my eyes and i owe, almost literally, my life to having found him.

yes @@jmitch8483 me too. Thank you Dr Carter

Yes! Dr. Les Carter should have his own nationally broadcast television Talk Show.

I agree this man is a wonderful Doctor helping so many.

Too soon, Peter. Too soon!

That is a really good one

Whoa!! Boom!! Nailed it !!

Lol, so true!

😂

I'm still in the 'having Confronted' mode. Dr. Carter gives me continued stability and courage to do what needs to be done!

So pleased. Dr. C

❤️XX❤️

Oh my goodness Catherine, I'm 40 years and I thought that was bad enough!!!! Can I ask you, what are you planning to do. Are you married to this person, do you share a home with them. I am at the start of divorcing him but he is refusing to sign any papers. I can't even sell the home until we are divorced, the courts will have to petition him to force him to sell. I am an empty shell with nothing left inside. I feel I have wasted my whole life and that's something I'm really struggling to come to terms with. Xxx

@@justlearning8695 Not my spouse my emotionally and physically abusive Mother. I'M 1.5 yrs no contact

Took me until age 60 to see the lies, manipulation and zero empathy....hurt and anger for me now I am starting to live my life. Acceptance that not everyone will have loving parents. Good luck with your fight. Keep your head up Believe in yourself and you will her through.

NarcSlayer That’s right! Out of the fog!

LOL that is what it honestly feels like.

That’s the last text I’ve sent him when I said I feel like a prisoner in my own home

Hospitals in Australia are like Alcatraz. Full of narcs that are there because they like having power over life and death.

@Dzsamila # sounds like they tried to suck you into a cult.

I'm sorry for your loss. Keep moving forward & dont give up! Even if it doesn't seem alright. Everything will be all right because you want it to be.

They will destroy, rob your identity. They will alienate you. They will blame you for everything when in reality is them that causes a relationship to fail. They have no capability to say I am sorry or tell you what they have done wrong, they will turn it on you. You are the stupid one the ediot, the uneducated. While in turn they are calling you everything you are not. They have no kind of empathy. They are mean spirited and they enjoy causing you pain. I will like to state that these people love bomb you when they meet you. They turn into the persons they are not and wish you had met them earlier. You go into a relationship with a false pretense but all you will be to them is someone that they need for a particular purpose. Once you are in, they will start showing you their true self, which is not a pretty one. They will lie about everything. they are pathological liars. To the point of lying about things they do not have the need to. They will try to confuse you saying that they have told you something when they never did, causing thought on you. They are selfish and self centered. They will never ever tell you they are sorry. Becareful in going into a relationship with these individuals. They will destroy you mentally and physically. And once you try to leave they will assure you that they will make your life a living hell. No, not the normal reaction of a normal person, but always remember they are not normal. They would never be normal. If you are the victim today, tomorrow they will find another one to victimize. Don't even think that you could change them because it is an impossible task. Remember that to them you are one with a problem not them. Don't even consider therapy because you will be throwing away your money. You can't change someone that truly believes that there is nothing wrong with them. Some narcissistic individuals will never show their true self to others. Why, because they need that supply from other people. And also once you try to leave them they will have those people to feel sorry for them and they will make them feel you are the horrible person. They always work on an agenda. They plan everything on a good outcome for them. The signs when you meet themare: love BOMBING, never getting upset with you, tell you you are the best, you are better that anyone they have ever met. Notice how they treat others badly and how they justify their bad behavior towards them. It would always be "it was their fault because". Notice they are short tempered in certain situations. This is a sign of what is coming your way.. Notice how they talk bad about others, never saying nice things about them, liked feeling envy of what they should have. The love BOMBING will have a short end, I know, and it will be a rude awakening for you. Once you walk out, they will try to do everything in their power for you to never to be happy alone or with someone. They are devils dressed in cheap clothing. My advise is read the signs, most of the time they are hidden and might come out once in a while but because you are being love bombed you will justify them and believe them. YOUR AWAKING WILL HE PAINFUL..EXTREMELY PAINFUL and you will only survive if you have a strong character, and even with that you will be scared for life. It will take you a long time to reconstruct yourself. Not impossible but it will be a hard road ahead. You will be the one the one that survived. Good luck!

Hanh in there. Not everyone is a narcissistic asshole

6:35 Same here darlin’! 34 years of hard lessons learned!

Wise words. Dr. C

We love you dr! ❤

Sadly I can relate... it’s a very common pattern of abusive behavior that cycles when dealing with narcissists...I hope you are able to free yourself and regain a sense of self and trust.

Im on silent trestment right now, because of an slight that he has imagined while he was drunk! I cant say anything about his character he turns it on me about how im actually that person not him! Hes a joke.

I see your comment is 3 yrs old. I'm dealing with the exact same things with my wife. What did you do? How did you escape. I got the silent treatment for leaving my closet door open while I was in the shower. Name calling and verbal abuse lasted 2 wks.

I am 12 years with mine but I swear I tried 2 months ago but landed right back in.... Am so disappointed in myself... kids are 11 and 7...I fear for them losing their family😪

@@nolwandledlamini8027 the kids understand more then you think. My 14 year old said. " Mom what took you so long " I still love him but I decided I need to love myself more.

After nearly 46 years I wish that I had your courage. When I read your comment I thought that it could be me writing this

@@nolwandledlamini8027 That was my thinking as well. I waited for my kids to be away from home. But look at my post above: he is still not letting go of them. He is still using them as pawns against me, even though I waited so that they would not have to be exposed to a custody battle. And now I am thinking that it was wrong of me to wait so long because the more I learn about narcissism now the more I fear that I set them up for future failure by having them be exposed to their father and the dysfunctionality of our life for so long. My advice: detach and run as quickly as you can. You save yourself and your kids decades of suffering!

they feed on people who 'dont know them selves" or who dont have boundaries. I left one recently and have learned this, what my experience has opened my eyes to, is wanting to discover who i am. instead of finding it in a "love" i need to find my self. this is the lesson. im working on me now :) 27

Good for you sweetie. Live life happy and free. A million thumbs up.

Lauren Reinhart after i finally built up the courage to leave my husband of nearly 14 yrs, i felt sooo light. I felt like i was floating on a cloud. I lost 10 lbs without even trying. Just being free from constant condemnation and angst liberated me from stress eating. I felt i could never be any happier. I vowed to NEVER marry again.. but 6 yrs later.. 😳smh.. married yet ANOTHER one.. just realizing what im attracting...

@Jane unfaithful b...

I have been separated from my narc husband for a year now after been married for 9years. No contact for 3months now. Honestly, I thought I had a problem. The gaslighting, emotional and physical abuse,the smear campaign, all and all. I have been beaten on two occasions while been heavily pregnant with his kids. These people are demons...always wanting to have their way. So happy I am out from such an abusive relationship. It was tough but it is worth it. I can think clearly now. Now, he is going about with his flying monkeys., Lol. One can never be happy with these set of people. Run, run and run. Preserve your sanity!

Good for you for leaving that relationship! Congratulations. But please don’t let that person have continued control over you by tainting you against being married again. With the resources such as this video and channel you can recognize and weed out any narcissists and find a loving, caring partner who will treat you right.

@@markconger8049 thank you.

I wish I had the money to leave. Its the only thing holding me back.

Pffff die waŕ doch schon längst mit anderen weg......

The thing I had left of me was the conviction that I was a OK artist. That was dumped on by the CN in my life recently. Can't they let you keep anything of yourself?

Yes indeed!

Georges Labranche good idea

My best friend died of cancer....started up a new friendship and 6 months in, she died unexpectedly (underlying health issues), my counsellor retired, I joined a womens group and then Covid struck and shut it down. I would LOVE to have a support system but You Tube is it!!

It is so hard when they try to isolate you ! It is so EVIL !

that would be super. unfortionatly, my "friends" all think he is great. uggghhh.

I blush as a recipient of your kisses. Dr. C

Myriam Dimakopoulou very beautiful coment, worm words. 💕🌹

Myriam--Living in France? Learning to speak English? Learning to speak English by studying the psychology of narcissism? You are an amazing human being! Very inspiring. God bless you as you go forward in your journey.

Myriam Dimakopoulou I agree his kind manner is enlightening

Myriam Dimakopoulou you’re right so many other channels on this subject come across too aggressively. Sometimes it makes me tune out.

Many Africans dont understand who/what a narcissist is. So no one understands you if you have been through such abuse. Education is key here.

@@ivylang1247 yes indeed thanks a lot , in africa oral laws and traditions are the standard rule of judgement and narcissism is little touched ( in most cultures they use proverbs to refer to them )

My ex spouse and MIL are South African, she is a narcissist and he is a covert narcissistic too. It was like I was the 3 wheel in my marriage. She definitely got him, now we divorced and she got him for herself. He lost someone that still loves him very much al always will. 💔💔💔

We're each on the journey together! Dr. C

Donna that's a beautiful dream...I'm in the same place. Moving forward in love with my self and life ❤

Great words of insight! Dr. C

Thats a fantastic piece of advice , thank you so much :-)

You definitely deserve better. Dr. C

Catherine Oyoo it will be

At the end of 11 years I was dead inside. So dead that I became nothing besides yes mam no mam. As far away as I could be. Which made me look like the bad guy. Because she would tell everyone that I try so hard to get him to participate in family things. If I did do anything it was miserable. Just little digs every step I made. I held in 11 years worth of being the worst dad one day then 2 days later thank you so much you are the best dad these kids could ask for. Same as worst husband, provider ect... Up down up down. Build me up to tear me down, tear me down to build me up. Always used my grandpa as your grandpa would or wouldn't do this or that. Pure hate for me it felt like. Then always had to make me look like the bad guy. After having a child with her. Love the child dearly. But the experience from the first child with x wife was enough to not to want another child with her. She literally forced me to give her another baby. 4 years of not sleeping in the same bed together. Had sex a hand full of times in 4 years ( when she felt like she had to keep me hanging on is what it seems lile now looking back on it.) She literally would wake me up saying if I didnt then she would go get it elsewhere. And yelling and screaming waking the other kids up. Then after the baby came any time I had to work late it was because I hated her and the new baby. Which is not true. I still miss her even though I know she will never change and with her moving out and divorcing me is the best thing that could ever happen to me. But I am still so confused and lost. Without God in my life ai would probably have taken my own life by now. She made feel like I was the scum of the earth. At the end she flipped everything she had ever done and said to me. She started accusing me of those things and I am assuming that's exactly what she did with my family and hers. Its insane. Not saying I was perfect but I can count on one hand how many times I raised my voice. Ect... She has my family thinking I was this monster. What in the world?

@@jaredknight1627 I am still in that relationship right now. Our son together is 6 years old, we have been together for 7. And sometimes it can be an ok day but most days are just plain awful. He works night shift and I can’t even begin to count how many times he has come in from work at 5 in the morning turning on all the lights and yelling and cussing me and the kids out over something as simple as a dish being left in the sink or a simple crumb on the floor saying I do nothing but lay on my lazy butt and he does everything and I am just a sorry case of a wife or mom or human. He has said to me if I don’t start getting sex more than I will definitely get it elsewhere. So with all that being said I have praying for guidance and strength and have been watching videos on narcissism and with the help of my few trustees and God I am trying to get out and away from this daily abuse, so please keep me in prayers as I start this new journey in life. I will keep you in my prayers as well. Thanks

@@kristenemode1300 oh my I just got done saying a prayer for you! I am sorry you are going through this. It is truly disturbing how these people treat others. Although they don't want credit for it. Lol! That is one of the questions I asked at the end. I said you are great at being a manipulater, mean, and nasty all of the time only to me. Why don't you wanna take credit for it? Please hang in there look up the videos on learning how to get out. God does not want us in abusive situations. He hates divorce but he hates evil people even more. I will continue praying for you. I hope you get out soon. If you ever need to talk I am here for you! God bless you and your kids. Run as fast as you can. I have been no contact for 6 months now and I am a brand new man! God bless and much love! 🏃‍♂️ run 🏃‍♂️ as fast as you can. But the pros say do it in discrete. These people don't wanna lose their supply. I am still in fear for my life I constantly am aware of my surroundings. God bless

Liesbeth de Vries me thinks Gus is actually running the show

People who have not been through it can sometimes lack the necessary empathy.

Yes, ignorance has all the answers doesn't it! Yeah when I hear that it drives me crazy. Don't metion his name around those people again. It's not worth the trouble or the lecture you will get. They didn't live your house. God bless!

Surviving Narcissism Thank You💞

Sherri M Thank you much💞

Shirley Madiva omg my boss pretty much told me “get over it”

Doc Carter is a God Send, isn't he? #grateful

Yes wonderful information and such a calm nature. A blessing thank you.

poppynurse it’s not even 9:00am here on the east coast and I’m exhausted

Absolutely !!!!!

Thanks, and I'm pleased you see that. Dr. C

🌟 👕

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, I saw it the first video of yours I found. By their fruit you will know them. Indwelling Spirit recognizes Indwelling Spirit.

Galatians 5:23

Good vibes, Penny. And Gus says to tell Rendezvous hi again. Dr. C

Excellent! Thanks for posting this. Dr. C

I am proud of you!

Nubby Tope Thank You So Very Much😢🙏🙏

@Nubby Tope, what a great comment 🏆

@Nubby Tope *Well-said, well-written, KIND, REAL, thank you. All empaths can thank you for that response*

Captain Rankin Thank You❤️💜🙏

Nubby Tope 👍🏿❤❤❤🌹

Charlotte Slemp I find the humiliation mind-blowing

You'll probably feel better for getting it out, and the narcissist will become defensively angry. (guaranteed). Dr. C

Hey brightpage, what was his reply back to you? I have found in my experience that could shut them up quick, they enjoy the battle of words. Or you could get the silent treatment because the thought of you leaving, he would never justify his " fear" of that happening. Fear and anger are " cousins", my grandmother would say, it's relatable.

I have asked the same question to my husband, and he screamed to my face in front of our 4 children: " because you were a mistake ". But God is rescuing me. I am now Mrs A. No more harem garage. No more devaluation. I am free in the Lord, and his love is sufficient for me. My faith is getting stronger by the day for I 've seen the power of God in my life.

Left husband a week ago am scared of him

Roxy GrayIII I forgot what peace feels like

Elza Castle 💙 me too

To both Elza and Nunyou, thanks. Dr C

You're so welcome!

Pleased. Dr. C

I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for the thought of the online class. These videos have really been helping me to realize why I'm in the situation I'm in and why I'm so exhausted all the time and why this has been important for me to finally heal what is broken and move forward into the person I have come here to be. It's ok. I'm learning there are just a few critical boundaries that MUST be respected. And once expressed, if that person insists on targeting those very same expressed boundaries as their first goal - that's a very clear sign it won't be the healthy path I want. And whether I can figure out a better way at the time or not - following my inner truth and staying on my integrity filled path - is the only way that is ever going to work for me :) I can honestly say, this mistake of a relationship has been a blessing - albeit a painful one - but certainly filled with learning. And has helped me to see the darkness on his path and the light I choose to follow. And about being good to myself, every step of the way :)

@@veryteri5586 So true. Integrity was always a biggie for me too and that is what caused a lot of conflict. I couldn't be a part of living life that way. Proud of you for standing strong!

Gwendolyn Wehage I dunno me thinks Gus has the monopoly on cuteness

I feel the same. I have 3 narc superiors at work: my supervisor, my manager, and my director. I have 3 bosses who tell me 3 different things and just one me. It’s annoying and pushing me to find a new job after 3 years

Good luck moving forward. Dr. C

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you very much ! 👍🏻

Glad you are figuring it out, and I'm pleased to be with your on your journey! Dr. C

Thank you for sharing your story. I am in the same situation with the sibling an older sister being a narcissist. I too, didn't really know about narcissism until last year. I knew something was wrong, but I kept trying to make it work with her over and over and over. I have now realized that I had been conditioned from early childhood to put up with the crap all my life. It is so sick and sad when I think about the time I have lost trying to make it work. I have gone no contact and my children have supported me by going no contact, too. I need to heal from all of the abuse I have put up with all my life. It is very difficult because I had to decide to go no contact with the other siblings as well. My younger sister is under her spell or is possibly suffering with the same and my brothers will not be open to hearing anything, so I will not even mention it to them. I'm closing the door and moving forward now. I have given enough of myself with nothing given back. It is time to say goodbye. Wishing you the best and just know that you are not alone.

You have some new circumstances, but I want you to get used to the idea that you deserve dignity, plain and simple. It is as important as air. Dr. C

Critical Path stay safe that sounds really scary

I was that kind of girl years ago. I’m so ashamed. I’m a whole new person now so don’t believe people can’t change. I hope that girl does. It took me 3 years after he left me for me to change. Poor guy went through a lot cuz of me. But I gave my life to Christ and changed radically. Only by His Grace.

Ok, watch it once for Gus, then go back and watch it another time for the content. Gus is a scene stealer. Dr. C

Melodie Sproul I second that emotion

Judith Elizabeth Snow I’m sure Gus is on the payroll and more than likely he’s calling the shots

That happens to me too. I feel pity at times when they don’t deserve it. I wonder even why I feel any pity toward them at all? I can’t really understand that. Is it because the only solution is to discard them and go no contact as we recognize we cannot fix what’s broken in them? They don’t even realize they are broken. They lack the capacity to be self aware or to change. I guess that is pitiful,

Sometimes my view is that of a mentally ill person but not enough to condone abusive behavior.

Yeah..... I feel the same because I keep thinking how can I help them, I feel helpless, it actually breaks my heart. For some reason I feel , leaving them is not a solution becoz we don’t dump people because they have something wrong with them...... I don’t know.... although the treatment I can’t stand and am sick of it😩

Definitely. As an empath I feel so deeply for my narcissistic abuser. We have a child together who I can’t take away from him. I couldn’t imagine him having everything taken away (even though I know he’ll be fine because he doesn’t really care for others on a level like that, but hey, keeps my conscience clear). I want to separate but agreed to go to counseling with him to get him help.

Same

I left my man 4 weeks ago. It took 2 years. I always knew it wasn’t me from when I realized ( saw ) what was really going on, but all my finances went to his household. I’m poor and oh so relived and I’m able to sleep through the night. I’m absolutely amazed at my being able to sleep. For 10 years, it seemed like I never slept. Anyway. My heat is with you. I wish for you all the best 🕊

Emily, Adriano, Hawaiian & others, go for it. Poverty, alone time, God, divine vast love, sweet freedom, creative joy, ahhhh! Now you can open the wings & soar in the spirit & huge peace that passes all understanding, like being a kid again!

I’m scared to look up dark triad

In the words of Meatloaf “two out of three aren’t bad” being gracious upon your exit is a testament to your character.

@@SandriaGuest Thank you, CannDid. You are kind.