Professor Pwnage 

Yup, or atleast have a second form of security for accessing files that are extremely valuable

Seriously you would think this guy’s data is a bit more secure, say, a password?? What the fuck is he doing hahaha...

It’s an obvious bluff. Any company I’ve worked for with proprietary data or PHI comes with pin security and passwords. It’s very easy for them to track the device and even easier to disable access immediately. The FBI would not get involved! It’s your responsibility to take care of your device!

Hey guys he made out the whole thing

Damn that's what I was thinking. He was probably just panicking because he realizes that ultimately he's the one who was responsible for this information and will probably never get a high level consultation again. Lmfao leaving sensitive information laying around so some random person can take it is pretty negligent. He even had the foresight to record him making a bunch of shit up threatening the students with legal charges while admitting his negligence. Also let the thief know that hes in possession of sensitive data that he might be able to leverage. China would love to get whatever trade secrets/data you had in your laptop. I worked for a fortune 500 company and was aware of people who got fired for forgetting their company laptop for less 30 minutes in a conference room you have to badge in to open. Personally had to go threw multiple corporate classes on information security, turns out major companies are crazy about proprietary information... Not like a startup could totally be ruined if proprietary info was leaked before they even entered the market. Had to wipe computer and work phone of all images and documents daily. Maybe a little extreme but damn if someone got access to company info with my devices I would be terminated with an orbital laser beam with extreme prejudice. Doesn't matter if someone broke into your car to steal work phone... It still got stolen under your responsibility, due to your negligence.

This is an avengers level threat.

Burst out laughing so much just now

Assemble!

Lmao

@@yoda301 yes, the fact that your tastes are of a superior kind is being noted.

Exactly Laptops do not have transponders You can only tell when a file was last accessed, not necessarily copied. If these secrets are that important, this man would be held liable for negligence for not taking adequate steps to secure them.

yeah same here. He was spounting a lot of gibberish. However, I learned C++ programming and wrote my own phone home app, should my laptop ever get stolen. If the laptop should ever go beyond its GPS boundry the add-in hardware activates. I've already had 2 computers stolen from me.

tell us more...

@@alextilson9741 Laptops don't have transponders until you install one because you have very important data in it lol

Well it worked, because he came back next lecture saying it was handed in.

The exact moment he turned Heisenberg

@@xxxuselesspricksxxx1481 Jesse, we need to get my laptop back Jesse

@@Clone-up2ge it was in his trunk the whole the time.

The thief cares more about people than him.

​@@xxxuselesspricksxxx1481dumbass more like Stalin. Nazis were not Nordicist.

I mean he did say they had a partial image and two eye-witnesses

😂

@ "this gay duck..."

Travis you fail

😂😂😂

“And even the joker himself was disgusted by this foul play”

Batman: "Alfred, I'm calling in the whole JLA for this."

😂

😂

😁🙏

right, anyone with the kind of energy doesn't scare me in the slightest. it's almost a form of groveling

Exactly what I was thinking.. each entity he referenced is going to be more concerned with why the thief even had the opportunity to steal that kind of info, rather than who stole it.

exactly he sounds scared .. not authoritative.

All four of you tard guards have a combined iq that's probably lower than the pH of your saliva drooling out of your mouths, this man is abviously trying to assist someone who's made a GROSS error, that will end with them being in federal prison. Not state prison, federal pound your ass prison. And the fact that all of you have the ineptitude to say that he's "afraid" is a fat crock of shit. They (being said companies and federal agencies involved) are not going to get on a man who has obvious use for them, and has gone in depth why,instead they'll go after the theif of said secrets, this is because this man has done nothing illegal. He's a consultant with the right to review data given to him.

A tale as old as time

That's why you never talk to cops

@Patrick Schmalstig nope, interrogation is about keeping your mouth shut until your lawyer appears, dummy

This is literally what a detectives job is

@@steviewolfeofficial Thanks, Shaggy. Say hi to Scooby for me.

@@steviewolfeofficial You look like you just stepped out of a Time Machine from the 90’s, where nobody let you play bass for their band.

Is nothing sacred?!?!

😂

The ingredient is crab meat

Jake Bulette I thought it was crack cocaine??

Ravioli ravioli. Give me the Formioli

LMAO

hahahahaha

More like “I left it at home. Good luck getting an apology from me.”

lol very funny

l wonder why did the woman stole it

Lmfao, right? I have been using hacked windows copies for the last 2 decades. Never paid them a dime.

Microsoft definitely went to defcon 2 after that second Windows login.

most copies of windows can also be used on 3 computers simultaniously

Gold

win

*Fortunate son* playing in the background

@@diljot6482 *Fortnite son*

Diljot Singh nah, “AMERICA, FUCK YEA”

Yes

H o w d I d y o u k n o w

Yep

@@JinnaiT holly I GOT BENNNNN TOO ?!?

Yes

He was home doing bong hits and surfing porn on the computer, after he gave himself and his bros an A for the term.

You can't be the real DUI guy.... That would be too weird to have a channel I've been watching lately to post a comment on a video that's 11 years old. That would mean (does complex math in head) you are getting recommended the same videos I am and that's NOT possible.

Oh but it is possible and it happened.

@@TheDUIGuyPlus No way!!! That's so cool. Love your channel bro. Sorry about that LegalBytes drama but you're rising to the top of that BS anyways. Keep up the great videos! :)

@@cuteface88 the copypastais gorilla

@@cuteface88 THAT'S (one of) THE JOKES

@@cuteface88 The 'that's the joke' meme has always been in all caps. How's your first day on the internet going? You liking it?

@@cuteface88 Lol :)

@@cuteface88 WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH?

I want to believe you

@@johnlowell5833 Yo wtf seriously? Puts a whole new spin on this video

@@Bb-xq7gk I knew he was full of shit when said he installed the same copy of windows ,10 mins later and said the people at Microsoft contacted him lol

There was no thief you little liar. He misplaced the laptop and found it later. Fake news spreading moron.

stephen ledford gold

he reportedly had illegal and very offensive porn on it

I never saw anything about illegal/offensive porn. Apparently his computer had the database for graduate students with all of their SIN numbers and information.@@somnuswaltz5586

This should be the top comment. Not all these stupid memes.

Wait, so the thief returned laptop to professor?

@@mare1x2 are you stupid?

@@mare1x2 Bruh can u read

Hahahah dude just went back eating pizza bites

This comment should be rated higher.

@@theprez98 Agreed but its more fun to think of all the wild shit without wider context. In my own head cannon this dude had illegal pornography on their and tried to bluff his way out of it.

Wait really? Why hasn't anyone mentioned it so far?

@@hamzamahmood9565 give it a goog. I don’t even remember posting this comment, but if I know me, I’d assume I had researched it.

@@bharris010486 You don't remember posting a comment from 10 months ago?

"and he'll cancel your XBOX Live subscription and block Minecraft for you"

@@john.stolec *Block*

Professor - "I am Bill Gates. I am Microsoft."

His brother works for steam.

He is the dad that works for microsoft lmao

the sweating jordan peele meme

the sweating jordan peele meme

lol

haha

Professor: “You have until 11:55 pm tonight to give me back my laptop - otherwise, I’m going to off myself!”

>my cyber security class maybe you should have just listened more when your parents were teaching you basic right and wrong i.e. not to steal things. maybe you also should have thought harder about why, as a child, you stole something, got found out and it was you who was punished instead of whoever you stole from. retards talking about incompetence then go on the internet to embarrass themselves and their parents

It's scary that that is even mentioned in cyber security.. I thought this was basic knowledge.

this is the greatest story ever told

Chad

Sigma grindset

And then the whole bus clapped?

Bro that is sigma

From all of the comments, I found this hilarious. Thanks!

At least he didn't get the cyber police involved

LMFAO nahhh

🤣🤣🤣

Police? We'll get to that in a second

You know what? I don't even want this laptop. I'm just trying to go to the beach.

Can I just leave sir?

I really want to like your comment but its at 666...

This is your last chance. You can't go back a second time...or, at least you can't go back a 12th time...er...OK, yes, you can go back as many times as you want.

hmn

LMFFAAOOOOO

Not scary at all lol?

Anyways.... check out @daily_discourse on Instagram for debates and such! Won’t disappoint 👍👑

@@primarchkhas726 wow you’re so brave and cool

@@Meeminator how so? Not everyone gets scared of something dumb like that lmao. Not even a majority. Id say its not brave or cool. If anything the ones getting scared r babies. Dont assume so much from so little. Cause you obviously got the meaning wrong. Idiot

@@primarchkhas726 nice

Actually, he was scared that the companies information would be leaked because he is the founder of the company and so he loses out on a boatload of money and ruins his reputation in pharma and biotech if he is the source of the leak.

@@erseshe As I said exaggerated. I know Jasper, he's a technologically challenged man, there is a reason he is a biologist. The full story is quite hilarious in hindsight. By the way, most professors that are any sort of decent university have national contacts of some sort. Jasper is at Berkeley, every experienced Berkley biologist has national contacts.

This loser is visibly terrified someone is fixing to find his “kiddie stash”

@@hj2479 tf

@@erseshe unfortunately yes.

Yeah true. how can he have data worth millions of $ on his computer and not properly secure it.

lol "art"

@@unbreakablefootage maybe because students are expected to be adults and not steal/ cheat. teacher computers have future lessons and test Q'S&A that can be important to pass the class in order to get a degree in whatever they doing. that could be a reason. no one wants their stuff stolen anyways.

@@thatnormalguy9 Pretty sure it turned out the professor left the computer in his car or something. Yeah, this was all a bluff.

@@marcusrosales3344 if that's how it went down, idk what to say. other than he's an idiot lol

Elias Håkansson 😂

oldest trick in the book

It's all a bluff ahaha! A lecturer wouldn't need to threaten someone that much 🤣

Hahaha, exactly, proving they haven't pinpointed jack sh!t LOL

@Elias Håkansson 😂😂😂😂😂😂

"Lord Vader has dispatched the 501st Legion and several Inquisitors to hunt you down. If you do not willingly submit, we will take everything from you...by force."

Manthan Shah I’m dead😂😂😂he’s also employed boba fett and his team to take u down

@@pizzamoviez2 Can't forget them! I was actually playing the Battlefront 2 (2005) storyline when I saw this comment, so I decided to have some fun.

so THEY'RE the inspiration for ROGUE ONE: A STAR WARS STORY!!! 🤔🤔🤔

@@rorycalhoun6484 Indeed.

This. This. This.!!!!

i almost choked on my noodles 🤣🤣🤣

Ahhhhh me thinks you're on to something?! Lol

“I am a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan!”

“Just so you know...you are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor!”

"And YOU, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!"

So funny

Yes, but keep in mind that the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force.

yep: he knows now, he’ll sell it to the highest bidder

"proprietary biotech data!" by that he means his coed nude collection and browser history.

But they know who it is… And the FBI’s after them… And their a college kid probably with little resources…

@@caseykruger5357 it’s a joke

what part of "we know who you are, we have partial photo's and eye-witnesses" do you not understand? If he hasn't turned it in, he's going to federal prison for a ~Long~ time, you stupid genius.

😂😂 this is an underrated comment

As old as this video is, it would have been Kim Jong Il, though.

Lmao we attend the same college 👀

LMAO THIS IS THE BEST COMMENT

Lol I came from that video

@@loganmozingo7162 SAME XD

You already know

best one

Clearly underrated xD

Yep, best one!!

Rumour has it it also contains the information on who put the bomp in the bomp-de-bomp-de-bomp.

@@Eckalicious youll never be Chris R.

@@joelpark3075 Go fuck yourself

Lmao

Lmao

@@qadir1626 what happened bro he deleted his comment

@@bigboymatthew7471Damn, that was a year ago. I sadly don't remember. I'm curious to know what he said now too lmao.

kek

Hahaha

With a side order of "backtracing" and "the consequences will never be the same!"

*GORILLA* WARFARE

I have a message for one person in this audience, I'm sorry the rest of you have to sit through this. As you know, my computer was stolen in my last lecture. The thief clearly wanted to betray everyone's trust and was after the exam. The thief was smart not to plug the computer into the campus network... but the thief was not smart enough to do three things: He was not smart enough to immediately remove Windows. I installed the same version of Windows on another computer within fifteen minutes. The people in Redmond, Washington were very interested to know why it was that the same version of Windows was being signaled to them from two different computers. The thief also did not inactivate either the wireless card or the transponder that's in that computer. Within about an hour, there was a signal from various places on campus that's allowed us to track exactly where that computer went at every time that it was turned on. I'm not particularly concerned about the computer, but the thief, who thought he was only stealing an exam, is presently, we think, probably still in possession of three different kinds of data, any one of which can send this man... this young boy, actually, to federal prison. Not a good place for a young boy to be. You are in possession of data from a hundred million dollar trial sponsored by the NIH, to which I am a consultant. This involves some of the largest companies on the planet. The NIH investigates these things through the FBI. They have been notified about this problem. You are in possession of trade secrets from a Fortune 1000 biotech company, the largest one in the country, which I consult for. The Federal Trade Communication is very interested in this. Federal martials are the people who handle that. You are in possession of proprietary data from a pre-public company planning an IPO. The Securities and Exchange Commission is very interested in this, and I don't even know what branch of law enforcement they use. Your academic career is about to come to an end. You are facing very serious charges, with a probability of very serious time. At this point, there is very little anybody can do for you. The one thing that you can do for yourself is to somehow prove that the integrity of the data which you possess has not been corrupted or copied. Ironically, I am the only person on the planet that can come to your aid, because I am the only person that can tell whether the data that was on that computer are still on that computer. You will have to find a way of hoping that if you've copied anything, you can prove that you have only one copy of whatever was made. I am tied up all this afternoon, I am out of town all of next week. You have until 11:55 to return the computer and whatever copies you've made to my office, 'cause I'm the only hope you've got of staying out of deeper trouble than you, or any student that I've ever known, has ever been in. I apologize to the rest of you to have to bring up this tasteful matter, but I will point out that we have a partial image of this person, we have two eyewitnesses. With the transponder data, we're going to get this person. Thank you. Just realized I typed all this out but there's one online someone already made, oof

Pope heard young boy n sent someone to personally investigate.

If you don't want a life in excommunication then I suggest you repent for your wrongdoings, the Pope has also begun gathering a Crusader army

@@Ludwig1625 When are you coming out with a new album?

The Match lmao that’s really not fair XD. I’m not religious, but the current pope seems like a badass and not a pedo lol

hahahahaha

DRM in human form 🤣🤣🤣

Or the FBI warning in VHS tapes.

I say it's proper for small indie games. These are ambitious projects and deserve money unlike the modern triple A scene with shit like... Forspoken or Gollum..

I ripped the tag off a mattress once.

I'm afraid it's the rope for you.@@manictiger

😂

Gold

By far the best comment

That made me laugh (:

Stolen comment.

Leon Andrews you win.

* Louis Ck

Worth it.

Leon Andrews W

You would know, COMPUTER THIEF!!!!

lmao

he do be back doe😳

😂

@@Keep701 He could just have the person anonymously mail/drop the laptop somewhere

@@Keep701 I would suspect he was namedropping. It doesn't make much sense to warn the guy about it. Not to mention, the guy probably had no clue he had all this stuff anyway. This is a bit like, instead of just saying: Please return my book, you say "please return my book because the password to my google drive is written inside and my drive is full of top secret info" It's a security folly of utmost proportion. I may have believed him, but the part about dowwnloading 2 windows versions triggering a MSFT investigation makes me disbelieve him. Millions of computers are running windows, and there are so many illegal copies going around all over the place. I expect the same windows key being active on 2 devices happens several times across the world every day. It is rather unlikely that the "folks in Redmond" have nothing better to do than to chase after pirated Windows intances. Also, idk what he is talking about with the "transponder." He must've installed that himself, and if so, it would be very easy to have campus police simply walk right over and seize the laptop.

@@Keep701 My first thought exactly. A Uni Prof lying about being a consultant for companies, publicly and on record, would be a death-knell for his career. He *may* have been exaggerating a little to try and expadite the process, but you can't just say "I do all this important stuff" as a respected Uni Prof and expect no one to call you out.

Callejero3030 bingo

@@AsperTheGhost Except it's already been confirmed that what he said was a bluff. They already recovered the computer and all it contained was information about students. Stop being so gullible, holyshit.

OHH SHITTT THIS IS A GOOD COMMENT! actually makes sense and connected to the other professor who claimed 1/3 of his class cheated! wowowwwoow

😂😂😂😂😂 Good one!!!!

@@palmerstubbs4067 Yea "cheated" by using the same test bank that lazy professor used

Professor Jasper can prove with 95% of certainty that from everyone in that room at least one person could have stolen the computer. What he cannot guarantee is that 100% of the people in that room have aced the test because Federal marshalls helped them. That will require further forensic analysis.

Lmao

HA professor lost everything!

MyKonaRC and the person got away with it

I must destroy the transponder to prove my loyalty to Star Command

No, comma needed, idiot

1000th liker

I'm the 455th person who liked your comment and your welcome lol

@@jimothycurrie.5285 you're

@@ipodmaster2688 "you are"

@@jimothycurrie.5285 that's the same as you're. Your however isn't.

@@ipodmaster2688 there's many variation of ways in fact you've typed in the first place this isn't quiz.

bahsbfqvy asbhuvqb agh dg

lol

hahahahahaha

This is a good comment

First comment ive actually laughed to in a while good job lol

on pornhub you mean

Tommy V damn, they found me ._.

2:03 - the professor predicts his own arrest for what was found on that laptop LOL!!!

It twas' the legend27

SteinbrecherBack really?

Just butthurt. Probably had some incriminating files on the hard drive. We've ascertained that people of his ilk tend to "like them young".

Did he ever apologize to his students for accusing them for stealing a laptop that was in his car's trunk the whole time?

I knew it was bullshit the second he said that Microsoft wanted to know why the same version of Windows was on 2 computers

Homing beacon

@@ajperry3063 He misspoke, it's a CD key or serial number or whatever. Pretty sure they were able to track activations and let you know IP addresses of the different copies, kind of an anti-theft thing mainly helpful to retailers.

Probably browser history

bingo

CP

Well he’s fantasizing out in the open about a young boy in federal prison...

Yep

Manny Dorsey found the person who had the computer

holup

@@dbe_manny No. It's Cur.

@@dbe_manny His last name is Bin Laden

I feel so dumb because I've heard this like 20 times and it gets me for a couple seconds everytime

Nah not necessarily. I pulled that line on a student to give him a chance to avoid a suspension, because I already had video evidence of him committing the act

@Xyre154 heck even called the National Guard.

@@kene4151 If you knew it was the student you would've pulled him aside and had a private conversation with him on what he did. The professor is bluffing. All this did was make the thief even more scared to turn it in/ or confident that he got away with it.

That doesn't count for most mom/grandma > when they count down they meant it! In my grandmother's case, it meant she was giving a sandal or shoe a proper countdown before slapping you upside the head with it!

Heretics shall be cleansed what grade do you teach?

I hope it did because this guy genuinely sucks!

🤣🤣🤣

Yup

What a dumb professor. I do engineering work and am more secure than this moron.

I wouldn't call it a side hussle. He probably made twice his professor salary as a consultant. And I'm guessing he was at the principal level or higher. He probably had to attend a data security class then got a slap on the wrist for leaving it logged in. You have to do some seriously terrible shit to get fired as a consultant. Like not using the correct pronouns.

I personally hate Obama but the whole thing about his name is so pathetic and dark agish and reminds us about the horrible persecutions commit in the name of Christ who btw is the same "god" (according to Christian belief), or his god, that ordered the killing of women and children in the old testament! So anyone whith a Jewish/Christian name is more "worthy" to be persecuted

@@fb3798 What the hell are you talking about?

@@HazeAroundtheWorld lmao

@@fb3798 lmao you are very confused, I assure you.

@@fb3798 this comment gave me the Wuhan