r/AmITheA**hole for Banning My Racist Mom from My Wedding? 

The RU-vid Titty Committee (YTC) has selected me as the official Nipple Cop. I wanted to let all my viewers know that you can do whatever you want with your magnificent mammaries, because it's your body and you can do what you want with it 🤷

"I'm brutally honest, it's just the way i am" translation: "I'm extremely bitchy and cruel but don't want to suffer the consequences of my actions."

The first one got an update. After that encounter she went to the gym and on a particular day she was wearing a bra because of reasons and recorded her sets for training purposes. The guy (that visits the gym at the same time as she does apparently) spoke to her again and commented that her statur war so much better now that she was wearing a bra. With the video footage she went to the manager and the guy got banned for 30 days.

"Your niece is a dumb teenager who did a stupid prank." That's the thing though, it wasn't a stupid prank. She deliberately chose to "prank them" about something she knows is hurting them. If she had written anything else that had nothing to do with their infertility I'd agree that it's an overreaction. But she didn't. She made the active choice to poke fun at something they are struggling with. OP is justified in their decision.

When she criticised him for not being able to grow a beard I immediately went to “can you give me some advice about how you grow yours?”

It’s not the fact that the gift was shaving tools and shaving cream. It’s the fact that they continually made fun of him not being able to grow a beard. It’s the fact that OP’s mom has no respect for the love of her life.

In that niece prank story, I think the BIL deserves MASSIVE butthole points. He knew who's handwriting that was! He tried to stop his wife exposing her. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew the WHOLE TIME and said nothing because, just from how OP described him, he thought it was just as funny and was jealous that he didn't think of it

First of all, yes, you ARE responsible for someone's reaction when you are making a joke at their expense. To say otherwise is gaslighting manipulative behavior.

“I’m just brutally honest” “I’m a jerk who uses that as an excuse for being a jerk”

For the college fund story, after hearing it again, I can tell that the brother definitely knew. The moment he told his wife to stop before OP called the niece down is a dead give away.

The prank of the niece was enacted over at least two months - that's a lot of concerted effort on the part of the niece for something she claims to be 'innocent' and 'without malice'. I think OP is perfectly justified in closing down the college fund.

"She was a dumb teen who did a stupid prank" Did you missed the fact that this wasn't even a single time occurence but a whole TWO MONTH LONG CAMPAIGN?! There is a difference between "making a stupid mistake once" and "being a horrible person for a long period of time". If she really loved her uncle and aunt she wouldn't had go so much out of her way just to insult them for two straight months.

For the "brutally honest" mother banned from the wedding, all she has to do is to apologies. How hard is that ?

Is it just me or did it seem like the brother knew what his daughter was doing? As soon as his wife mentioned the writing looked like their daughter’s he said “stop”. Almost as if he knew what she was doing and didn’t want her to get in trouble for it.

Third story : A beard doesn't make someone manly. That's just HER preference. She's not the one going out with him. Honestly, I would much rather have no facial hair at all, so I'm kind of jealous of him. It's a pain having to keep it clean, to shave it every day, etc. They are just bullies. NTA.

"Don't die on a hill we think that's not worth it" Said the family that rather die on a hill of pranks then apologise for the cruel prank they know would hurt deep.

"You're abusing your fertility!" Wh...what does that even mean? Unless OP already has like 15 kids, i don't get how they could be abusing their fertility

"Stay more balanced", yes because that's what a bra does. It balances us woman. Without them, we trip and fall everywhere 🤣😅🤣 Edit: Damn, 2yrs later and this is still going strong 😉thanks 😊 I have so many other things I've wanted to say about this subject that I've wanted to add but you've rocked it! Just remember to take your bras off at 12pm est on December 31st 2023 if you live in the northern hemisphere. Let's see what happens, lol 😆 can you imagine. Men would have Chastity bras made 🤣

IF OP BACKS DOWN NOW ON WHAT HIS NIECE DID THEN HE'S TELLING HER IT'S OKAY. WHAT SHE DID WAS MONSTROUS.

I'm actually going to have to disagree with Rslash on the niece prank story. From somebody that dealt with infertility and the toll it takes on your body as well as your mental health is no joke. She might be a teenager but she knows right from wrong. I don't think he went too far. And it's also not his responsibility to pay for her college, he was just doing something nice for her. And based on her father's reaction he definitely knew she was doing it

That infertility story is honestly scary. That girl needs to put a lot of distance between her and her sister. Like, a restraining order because honestly, her sister or even her parents might try something unsavory.

I feel like there's more to the niece story. The stepmom clearly didn't know what was going on, but the Dad? He tried to shut her up. I feel like based on the Niece's AND Father's reaction that he may have had a hand in either excusing away the behavior or having a direct hand in it. Either way, he definitely knew.

Being a stay at home wife/mom isn’t something to shame. If both partners agree, then power to them. However, if you want that life you have to discuss it before marriage, and definitely before children. Not everyone is okay with that dynamic and that’s just as okay as wanting that dynamic.

"My brother said I can't actually make this decision based on a small mistake my niece made. He said this is her future that I was giving up on and my decision will have a lasting impact." As it should! A "small" mistake? She's been harassing her uncle for months about his wife being pregnant when they've been having difficulty, it's cruel. She made her bed, now she's got to lie in it. For someone who says she loves her aunt & uncle she has a funny way of showing it.

The brutally "honest" Mom is a bully. That is a hill to die on for sure.

Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of these reddit stories, but, in the second story, it sounded a lot to me like the rest of the family was freaking out, not because they didn't know how bad the pestering between the sisters was, but because none of them actually support OP getting pregnant at 18 and see her giving the baby to the older sister as a way to "fix" things.

That mom literally played a stupid game. So now that she literally won a stupid prize, she throws a tantrum. She knew what she was doing to Kevin and now she has to deal with the consequences of her actions.

I really appreciate that you said your wife works as a stay at home mom. I decided to be childfree, but my mother was a stay at home mom for my sister and I. It's literally a full time job with constant overtime. I couldn't of asked for a better childhood. She helped me achieve the level of education and financial success I have now. I can't afford to be a stay at home mom with my spouse, which is a reason why I chose to be childfree. Props to you Dabney, not many people understand the time and effort it takes to raise children.

"Um, excuse me, ma'am, I'm this gym's nipple cop, and I'm afraid if you don't cover up those pokies I'm gonna have to issue you a citation." had me wHEEZING.

OP's niece is 16 years old. She's 2 years away from being an adult. She knows exactly what she did

the 4th story: that’s not a prank, that’s being cruel for MONTHS! it’s not a prank if no one laughs at the end.

For the story of the uncle and the letters/texts. As a teenager, even as a kid I knew the difference between a joke and just being cruel. 16 is very much old enough to know that actions have consequences and definitely old enough to know better. Imagine struggling with something a big as wanting to have a family and then immediately Imagine how he would have felt the very first time he got one of those letters saying his wife was pregnant just for it to be ripped away because of a teenagers "prank". No if I was that guy not only would I pull the entire fund but I'd also tell them all face to face that she is 100% the reason why she will never see me again. Then I'd leave and never look back.

"...disrespectful for how I treat my mom." What about the disrespect towards OP's fiancée? The nerve of some people!

Its not meant to punish her, op doesnt want to reward a selfish brat with no empathy Shes old enough to know this was cruel Her actions were pure malice

I'm genuinely curious if the niece in the false pregnancy story is actually sorry, or if she's sorry because her college fund is being taken away.

I’m kinda wondering that if the niece thought she could get her uncle to drop the idea of having children by torturing him with reminders, then she would have a lifetime of his money. No matter what she thought, she definitely needs to seek mental health help, and NONE of his money.

I'm currently in a relationship where I stay home and take care of the apartment while my fiance works. 2 things about this, I expressly am the one in charge of cooking and cleaning, and I am physically disabled and can't work a normal job. My fiance was the one to suggest that I stay home and cook and clean because he knows it'll be easier on me, and he makes enough money to comfortably support us both. I also have hobbies, with 2 of them being cooking and baking. I don't sit on my ass all day even though we have kids. I do rest on the couch when I need to because I'm in pain constantly but I'm still productive. If my fiance didn't want to or couldn't support me without me working, I'd do my best to work even though I know it would cause me pain. That's what I did for the longest time until he suggested I stay home. If op doesn't want that kind of relationship, that's perfectly fine. It was unfair of op's fiance to spring that on them with little to no warning. Op is definitely nta

Brutal Honesty is NOT an excuse to be offensive or rude. People need to stop abusing it for that purpose.

Shaving Kit story: mom has not shown op’s husband any respect. Respect is earned and respect can be lost. Dear okfd mom lost OP’s respect. Now it is her to do whatever she can earn it back.

"Tone it down a little, it is a little harsh to saddle a girl with thousands in debt for a stupid prank a 16 year old made" I can understand this sentiment but if OP put together a college fund that would cover her full tuition that would be a decent chunk of money that I am sure isn't just meaningless to OP. Also it seems harsh but I fully believe that this could be a turning point moment for the niece. The "prank" here isn't putting the sign on the windshield, the "prank" is ridiculing OP and his wife for two months with something incredibly hurtful. OP literally put together the college fund because he viewed this girl as his daughter and that is what she decided to do in return. I feel like if nothing happened over this then it could reinforce that bad behavior and perpetuate it

For the niece story, I think OPs reaction is 1000000000000000% justified - the niece knew that OP and his wife had trouble conceiving, yet she chose to bully and harass them continuously under the guise of "lol its just a prank bro" - I would've done exactly the same as OP in this scenario.

I've always said that "brutally honest" people really put the emphasis on "brutal," not on "honest." As people keep pointing out, it's not a prank if the prankee isn't laughing. It's bullying.

Hard disagree on the college fund. She spent months on that prank. She can get financial aid like everyone else.

this literally happened to me. i can't grow facial hair and one year my (then) girlfriend's parents bought got me some kind of grooming kit or whatever for my birthday. i personally thought it was hilarious, it doesn't bother me and they know it doesn't and we all had a good laugh. but in this story, they KNEW that it was an upsetting subject for him and they did it anyway. it doesn't matter WHAT the subject is, if you know something is upsetting to someone and you do it anyway, that's disrespectful as fuck.

The niece deserves what she got. She was cruel and disrespectful of your situation.

Niece's story: wait till you see what kind of a person she grows up to be. Give the fund through a legal document as a loan. If she is ever inconsiderate, abusive, spiteful, etc she and her parents should repay you with interest and inflation. I think that is justified.

" No apology? No invitation " F*ckin good on them. I would have done the same, I'd personally make sure anyone backing up her behavior wouldn't get an invite either, knowing them, they'd being it up on my husband & I special day. Nope. Get out of my life thank you. 0 Butthole points.

Rslash is kinda out of touch with reality when you literally prank by messing with a suffering child wanting couple psychologically by pretending they are getting a child.

"It's just a joke" is the default fall-back position of any racist-sexist-anything-else-ist when they're called out. It's not a reason. It's not even an excuse. The only reason these "brutally honest" people get away with it is that no one calls them out on it. Actions have consequences. If they don't want the consequence they shouldn't perform the action.

As someone who is actually brutaly honest, there's a difference between honesty and bullying.

When I heard about the "Dream" of being a stay at home mum, it made me think of the argument between me and my brother. We'd been fighting for years on and off but over one big blowout, he made it a point to say "Sucks to be you. I have the dream job, dream car and dream wife" to which I replied, "Your job is a delivery boy for StarTrack, your car is on a lease which you can't afford, and your wife is 400lbs of lazy stay at home and doing nothing but drinking beer and occasionally feeding but not walking the dog... Talk bout shooting for the stars bro. Your 'big dream' could fit under my fingernail with room to spare" My dad then blamed me for "starting" family drama but my friends think it was a sick burn and well deserved, if not maybe a little poorly worded (I tend to ramble, even during burns)

I would have been way more harsh with the niece if I was in OP's situation, I would have waited until what ever college she decided to go to needed payment and then told her "it was just a prank, I never really intended to pay for your education"

A prank on INFERTILITY, something like that should never be taken lightly, OP was and is ABSOLUTELY justified and in the complete right, That teenage girl knew exactly what she was doing but never even thought about how this would effect her uncle and Auntie. I'm not even gonna start on about the BIL

I mean I'd understand if the fiance wanted to start her own business and was really passionate about something she thought could do well, or wanted to quit her job and go back to school for better work and pay opportunity, or even switch careers. But wanting to be a stay at home wife at the experience of OP when OP isn't comfortable with it, then guilting OP when she's the one trampling over boundaries is not okay. I think this is one of those red flag thingies everyone always talks about. Tread carefully OP.

College girl story-she really needs the wake up call, it's not just a prank, it was straight up cruel, she stalked him for this "prank"

The “abusing your fertility” line killed me

"If they're gonna be this disrespectful of your husband's race, then how much respect are they going to show your child?" Very good point, I had been thinking of that as well. It goes beyond just this disrespect towards him. It's like secondhand disrespect toward op and future disrespect toward their child.

Nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom. My mom left her job shortly after having me, but at the time my parents were able to afford it. And my mom does so much with keeping the house organized, cooking, quilting, volunteering for school organizations, she even handmade all of us masks during the pandemic. My mom is anything but lazy. But as this guy said, he couldn't afford to be the sole breadwinner at the moment. Maybe she could try a remote job or working part time if she's not happy with the full time set up (this coming from someone currently working 3 part time jobs while running a RU-vid channel).

It's perfectly 100% legitimate if that's not what you want in a marriage, but this idea that stay-at-home partners are by default lazy, sit around watching TV all day, and can't possibly contribute anything to the marriage is just insane. I've known a number of childless couples where only one partner (not always the husband) goes out to do paid work, and the SAHP works just as hard in the home. They save money by making meals from scratch and growing and preserving food, mending clothes, repairing household items, DIY and decorating, etc. Having a partner at home full-time can be an asset in certain jobs, as they can do the work of of entertaining and maintaining social connections that help the other partner be considered for promotions and raises. They can take care of all kinds of things that free up the paid partner to put all their focus on succeeding in the workplace. Granted, it requires that the person working for a paycheck be making enough to pay the bills, which isn't always possible in today's economy. But this image of the homemaker who does nothing but lie around the house all day eating bonbons in their pajamas is straight out of a bad joke from the 1950s.

He could use the college fund to pay for IVF, adoption fees, or to start a kid fund, for once they're able to get a kid through whatever means possible

Mom: *Bullies OP's fiancee* OP: *Lashes out at her and bans her from the wedding* Everyone: **GASP** *Surprised Pikachu Face*

The college fund story: 16 years old is old enough to learn that actions have consequences.

Ah yes my neice has been making fun of my infertility for months how dare I not pay for her thousands of dollars of school

That niece story went in a different direction than I expected. I expected the niece to be the pregnant one and was too afraid to tell her parents.

I love how in one story OP Rslash is saying to die on a hill if it’s to protect their Significant other but then in the other story about the niece he says yeah that was harsh, you should totally give your niece who’s been harassing our for months all this money

More balanced? Lol. I'm a guy and know that, even if this guy wasn't trying to poorly cover his creepiness, that it's awful logic. Guys think with the head on your shoulders, not in your pants.

What the niece did was cold and calculated cruelty and emotional torment of her supposed loved ones. I would have done the same thing and completely cut her off 🤷🏽‍♀️ That isn’t a prank it’s just evil and cruel.

The third story though, how could the mother be sooo entitled and insensitive to Kevin’s feelings?! I’ve been the target of a couple of rude jokes but the people who made them at least come up and apologise to me when I feel hurt or upset over it!

Nah, he should keep the money and use it for fertility treatments. Using the “she’s a dumb kid” is a poor excuse, she very well knew exactly what she was doing.

Follow Pinkie Pie's rule for pranks: it's only a prank if everyone laughs at the end.

Rslash is far too forgiving of OP's niece. He thought of her almost as a daughter and he thought she thought of him as a 2nd father. But she showed how much she actually respects him by making fun of the fact they are having issues getting pregnant. By disrespecting him, she revealed that he wasn't a respected "2nd father" to her and proved she wasn't worth all of OPs money.

5:00 what op and Kevin should do is give the mum gardening tools and say “get it? because your Hispanic” or get her some pregnancy tests and say “get it? Because your in menopause”

I don't think there's anything wrong with being a stay-at-home wife when you're not a mother. My fiance and I have no kids, and I'm in between jobs right now, so I have to be a stay-at-home partner as I'm looking for work. As a stay-at-home partner, I cook all the meals, do all the cleaning, do all the laundry, do any set-up for guests, take care of our dogs, and a lot more. Some days I'll even take online courses to better my professional skillset. I'm not just sitting around doing nothing all day. Saying that that's what stay-at-home spouses do is really insensitive and untrue. Don't get me wrong, the woman in this story is obviously taking advantage of her husband-to-be, but not every stay-at-home spouse expects to do nothing all day.

A "joke" at someone else's expense is just bullying

Wedding invitation story: How would OP's mother react if someone constantly joked or teased her about something that she is self conscious about (like Kevin seem to be about growing facial hair)? If I was Kevin I probably would have sunk to her level and bought her something like a subscription to Jenny Craig, telling her she needs it to look good in the wedding photos...maybe then she would have gotten the message that her "teasing" is just straight up bullying! 0/5 AH for OP and Kevin, 3.5/AH for OP's mother and 1.5/5 AH for the rest of the family that dont see an issue with all of this!

Last story: " It's my dream " Yeah it is her dream, at his expense. She doesn't want to work anymore, but expects him to work as much as needed, so that she does not have to. WOW talk about entitled .

I completely agree with the guy who took away his niece's college fund for being a insensitive jerk. Infertility is no joke. What kind of person are the parents raising? She can't understand there are things in life that are not a joke. Like they always say on Reddit Play stupid games, win stupid prices.

My only thing when it comes to the girl losing her university money. I actually disagree with r/slash saddling herself with that debt is her own fault er her father obviously knew about it, by his reaction. Also, why didn't her father set up a fund however small it is it would have been a help. So dome teenager or not. It's her own fault she did this to someone she subbosdaly loved. This is on her, she's not entitled to that money. And OP handled it way better than I would have. The only mistake was telling her the fund existed in the first place.

7:04 I would have helped my fiancé up and promptly storm out followed by a statement of “None of you are coming to the wedding and all of you can take your gifts back”.

Am I missing something? How was that racist? I’ve seen some Irish men with strong beards and some with patchy beards. Not being able to grow facial hair isn’t tied to race

"yOu cANt aCtuALly MaKe tHis dEcISIon oN A SmALl mIsTakE." Uuum yeah, he can. It's his money and he can decide to do with it however he pleases.

Rslash, you think the uncle should take up the debt for the girl? You’re saying its unfair the girl would pay her own college tuition but she, for months emotionally attacked them and its not like the guy is saying “i hate her” its more like “she isnt deserving of my 10s of thousands of dollars.”

R/slash sometimes you can be right, but for the wrong reasons. If Kevin's girlfriend is upset with her family she should be. Her mother is awful. However saying she is racist is stupid! One of the dumbest things I've heard you say.

Question. In the last story, if OP doesn't give enough context to asume his fiance doesn't want to work at all... why do we asume so quickly that that's why she means when the says she wants to be a stay home wife and that a 9 to 5 job is not for her? There's a lot of people who don't work office hours and that doesn't mean they are not working. You don't have to have kids to validate that being a stay home partner is a lot fo work. You still have to mantain the house, cook, do laundry, do all the caregiving and domestic tasks you office working partner can't, handle the social aspects of your partners work, like hosting work dinners and such, it's a heavy job either kids are involved or not. I really don't get why people keep treating housework as if it isn't work.

3rd story: You want to get a Hispanic or Mediterranean woman to stop harassing you about your facial hair? Easy: tell her it's a shame you weren't blessed with the same thick, luxurious facial hair follicles that she has. You may have to run for your life. But, if you survive, I guarantee she'll never bring up facial hair to you again 😈

For Kevin of the second story: I AM JEALOUS! Having a beard is a complete headache when I must always shave it off for my job and I want to be rid of mine *permanently* . YOU ARE LUCKY IN A GOOD WAY!!!

My whole family is like the “brutally honest” mom. I usually respond by telling them something really rude back about their insecurities and then say “why you mad, it’s just a joke” and then they quit their shit for a good while.

I just hope that the niece learned from her mistakes and she is a better person. And that she still has a good relationship with op and his wife.

In the first story, there’s an update: the man harassed op again, and the exchange was recorded since she was filming squats, and the gym banned him for 30 days

The Hispanic family being rude to the Irish guy who can’t grow facial hair: my manager is 100% Mexican-Baby-faced as he can be, has admitted he can’t grow facial hair well. It’s not just Irish white boys okay?? It can literally be ANYONE from ANY race so they need to chill tf out and have SEVERAL seats ✌🏻 Plus I’ve seen plenty of Irish boys with been bushy beards. It goes both ways!!!!

My mom quit her job a week before the wedding and hasn’t had a job since, but my dad told her that she didn’t need to work. Having someone at home went I got out of school was a blessing

The marriage story: Been there. Prior to my (now ended) marriage, both my fianceé and I worked. As we led up to our wedding, she brought up her old-fashioned belief, and she wanted to be a stay-at-home spouse while I kept working. It was strange, because she'd never mentioned it before. We talked about our finances, our lifestyle, and our workloads. Ultimately, it worked out, and our marriage failed for other reasons. But we had a discussion about contributing to the partnership, and I flat-out told her that if she wasn't going to work a regular day job, she was going to take on the lion's share of looking after the house. I didn't absolve myself of all household chores, but I did leave the bulk of it to her. And you know, it worked out for 8 years. I worked full-time and took a part-time gig three or four months out of the year. I didn't hate it; I like being busy. She stayed home and looked after the house, and raised our daughter after she was born, and from everything I saw, she was content(my ex struggled with depression before we ever got married, so it was rare to see her fully light up with happiness). That marriage has been over for several years, but our split is not related to anything like that. If your values and hers line up on something like that, go nuts. It's a bit old-fashioned in this era, but if it works, it works. If your values don't line up(like in this case), I'd call off the wedding, because either way one of you is going to be unhappy.

"when someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time" Maya Angelou.

Ugh, the wedding story just reminds me how a lot of Hispanic families are. I'm Hispanic too so I know. They like to publicly humiliate one specific person 'as a joke' and when you call them out on it, they go "It was just a joke! Why are you so offended?" If you're on the heavy side of the family or a little kid, or neurodivergent I think you get it the worst.

That second story hit hard. I'm also infertile with sisters that have multiple kids so I know what it's like to be jealous. However, that reaction is NOT appropriate. She needs therapy or something. I hope that sister learns to be okay with her infertility and is able to focus on being the best aunt she can possibly be!

Fun fact, the ability to grow a beard probably means you had a warrior as an ancestor, because growing beard is an adaptation as a way to defend against decapitation with a sword

Eh, give mom a wedding invitation! Then, mid practice dinner, in front of everyone, re-gift mom the shaving tools and tell her that she CLEARLY needs it more.

When I was a kid I thought my parents were too strict, lectured too much, and I hated it that everyone else seemed to be able to do/get away with so much more than I could. Now I listen to all your videos (from AITA to entitled even the revenge) and NOWADAYS I am so extremely happy my parents raised me to never be like any of these people.

9:30 my genuine question is how is making fun of a person who can't grow facial hair racist, im not tryna be a smart ass but I need an answer because I thought racist was making fun of the race not one person because there are alot of other people who can't grow facial hair who aren't the same race

Give the shaving kit to the mom for Christmas. Tell her she needs it to keep HER MUSTACHE under control