Regarding the farm story, girl, run. This is weird as fuck. The way they're trying to isolate you is terrifying. This shit sounds like the beginning of a Dateline story.
She's already seeing her future in her MIL. Stuck on the farm with no way to support herself aside from any kids they may have. He suckered her into marriage by withholding his family's values and ideals about SAHM on the family farm. He doesn't want her to have reliable Internet access and an income of her own.
The husband/family in the second story makes my skin crawl. All the gaslighting, all the isolation. Sounds like the beginning of a horror film. OP needs to get while the getting's good. Poor thing, NTA.
She shouldn't have gotten knocked up with such an unstable income/living situation... I really wish this generation would think with something other than their genitals.
@@NEPAAlchey How did you hear this story and think that the biggest problem is the incoming baby and the cause of it is OP being careless? No, the cause and biggest problem is her abusive partner manipulating and gaslighting her into accepting a situation where she has no power. Hopefully Reddit talks some sense into her and she makes an escape plan.
@@NEPAAlchey she didn’t know her husband expected her to be a stay at home mom when she got pregnant. It sounds like the dad died after she got pregnant. So when she got pregnant she was expecting to raise the baby in New Orleans while working. It’s her husband that changed that without discussing it with her. This is on him, not her.
It sounds like a cult they usually isolate them selves unless contact is needed (funds and groceries) so then their members minds don't get changed about their cult and most of them hide in the country where they can still get members but still keep their cult under wraps
At this point, AITA is a 50/50 chance of being “wow a lot of narcissists posted on Reddit today” or “wow a lot of abuse wives are posting on Reddit today”
A lot of stories are either: 1. Butthole husbands and boyfriends who doesn't side with them 2. Butthole family 3. Butthole people in general 4. OP yelling at someone and that someone is shocked that he/she acted like this. 5. Families who side with the butthole.
@@CreeperOnYourHouse i made a post about how at mardi gras, i accidentally bumped into 2 people and they took away my stuff i collected. i made this post and got sent to entitled redditors, so ig i got my answer :)
@@thetester1158 that doesn't change the assessment that many AITA posts that aren't described by the above are just removed by mods without significant thought. Also, can you provide a bit more context? I'm so confused by who was supposed to be entitled in that situation, could go either way with more info.
I saw a post on AITA about a guy who's ex-girlfriend dumped him and then married his twin sister. He wanted to know if he'd be the AH for skipping their wedding. Poor guy is clearly not ok, but he's still trying to mantain a relationship with his sister. Although, he said he's starting therapy, so hopefully the therapist tells him that the sister is not worth it and she can go f herself
Last story: That horrible husband didn't take an hour of OP's time, he took weeks of study from her because she'll have to prepare for the exam again from scratch. A guy that can't support his wife through 2 weeks of study doesn't deserve to have a wife
The last story further enforces my belief that infantilization is becoming the norm for young adults and teenagers because they were never properly disciplined or disciplined enough as kids. This is one of the long term consequence of said bad parenting: screwing over the ones whom you committed to loving and cherishing the most, like they were your college dormmate. Just absolutely shameful what he did. Whatever OP decides to do with her marriage from here, he will deserve it.
@@SilverFang2789 It's amazing. Disciplining takes work, it's no fun, and I don't want to spend 10 minutes reinforcing time outs several times a day, taking toys away, and dealing with tantrums from discipline. It gives me migraines. But my kid does well in public, increasingly respects time out (the time spent enforcing is way less now), and listening to verbal cues of correction, and the tantrums have reduced. It's so much work, so I see why people are just lazy and don't, but they're not helping anyone by doing that!
I'm sure the wife learned her lesson. Just not the one her husband was intending to teach. It's going to be pretty lonely for her in the marriage if she stays in it, unable to trust husband in anything important.
First story: NTA. The fact that the family is more concerned about OP’s response than the husband’s creepy messages is concerning to say the least. Cut them out.
@@barryallen2240 that's what I was thinking, cropped/selective screenshots or just plain out lying about the messages or even faking messages. I caught a family member doing just this, She did not know that I was actually sitting with her ex at the time she sent the screenshots. he showed me the real messages on his phone (let me scroll through them and everything). she had manipulated the screenshots to make him look REALLY bad.
I hope that OP in the second story isn't getting sucked into a cult considering the extreme isolation, the financial dependence on the husband, and how the guilt-tripping made her sound so unsure of herself and confused at the end of her post.
That second story really scares me. My mom and dad are farmers just like op was and let me tell you it did not turn out well. There are a lot of red flags in Op’s way right now. One she is getting isolated, two she is getting magically told there are no resources she can use, three she is not only being gaslighted by her husband but also her family. Her husband needs to make some major changes or she needs to get out. Usually Farm owners care a lot about the farm and some care more about their farm than anything else this is a word of caution.
It's really odd and I agree about the flags. Additionally, most of my friends who ARE farmers, LIKE having a spouse working for the health insurance so this is just... I don't like it either.
Story 2 is textbook isolation. Can't leave the farm, doesn't want to get better internet/new computer, not telling OP that he wants her to be a SAHM, living out of state. When my school talked to us about abusive relationships, we were told about a case almost EXACTLY like this one. OP needs to get out of there ASAP.
I saw this one on reddit when it was posted. Does anyone know if there was an update? Because, yeah, she needs to cut ties immediately and work on her escape.
It's weird since the User who posted that AITA deleted their account and script-wiped their Reddit Posts and Comments. So I'm leaning towards either made up, or the OP couldn't get out.
@@LLandS18 or he could've lied a few more years and he'd still try to isolate her 😂 are you srsly victim blaming here? Don't know who it was but a wife her daughter and her husband went to visit his family in another country. Her previously loving husband amd his family kept them trapped and she had to try years of escape attempts to free herself and her daughter. She wrote a book amd still gets death traps. It's not the length of the relationship. He'd still hide the red flags for as long as possible. Plse don't blame the victim
Having recently graduated from Uni, if I had been with someone that made me deliberately miss an exam because "you prioritised trying to actually finish off your degree instead of partying and that made me sad" I would probably go apoplectic with rage. If OPs partner had just been patient for a few more weeks then OP would undoubtedly be free to spend time partying but when its exam season, exams come first - especially since those tend to make up the vast majority of the modules for the degree subject. E.g. unseen exam for one of my modules was worth 80% of the final mark
But that was the point he wasn't patient. He purposely disabled it so she would miss it. He wanted to hobble her and make her fail/not graduate. He is probably so insecure that she will get a better job and be able to financially leave him. So many women stay in bad marriages due to lack of funds.
That is were you call the school and apologies/ ask if there are other exam sessions you can sit. Because this is 100% not her fault and a reasonable human would probably squeeze her into a different exam session.
The worst part is that the day he pulled that stunt WAS the exam date-- assuming all her courses wrapped up in the same week, he literally only had to wait a bit until she was free to go party. And she probably would want to spend a lot of time enjoying herself after that stress! But no, potentially waste thousands of dollars to have to take a class again if they didn't let her reschedule. But man, how did she make it through uni with someone who so clearly doesn't respect her want of getting a degree? I can't tell if he's just incredibly selfish or incredibly childish or both.
I kind of wonder if this is really about two weeks? Regardless of the answer, it's unacceptable. Thankfully, most uni's provide the ability to take final exams twice.
*First OP:* Um ... what!? OP was _completely_ justified for putting her condescending cousin and creepy (not to mention stupid) husband on blast. If OP's family wants nothing to do with her, then to h3ll with them! OP is NTA. Ooh, that's a good point, rSlash! *Second OP:* I'm getting red flags from OP's husband. The quick progression from dating to marriage; the pregnancy; the isolation. I'm worried for OP. OP is NTA. *Third OP:* If Sarah's frequent "away" or "offline" status affects the workload, then OP is justified in asking Sarah where she is. OP is NTA. *Fourth OP:* Based on the title alone, I'm going to say OP is NTA. After reading the story, OP's husband is lucky that OP _only_ yelled at him.
@@EnverHalilHoxha1917 He gave the butthole score because the manager gave special treatment to the mom just because she cried. She is the only one that gets 3days at home and it unfair to let one employee do that when others only get 1 day at home
Agreed. I've been no contact with my toxic family for more than 10 years. Even now, they still periodically try to contact me. Unfortunately, every time it still a huge trigger and every time I still must resist the urge/need/want to respond (so far, I never have and aim to keep it that way though it zaps my strength every time). To have them finally leave me alone would be a true gift.
@@survivedandthriving I'm sorry they still keep trying to contact you witch I completely understand.. my parents make us go almost everywhere with them and the rules is "if we go you go" even though they know our family is toxic as hell, is FILLED with Karen's and my dad's mom picks favorites and turns everyone against one another
in the first story I wouldn't be surprised if in reality the creepy husband fell for that account, paid them, and then tried to make it seem like he got tricked by the OP to his wife when she asked where the money went.
That’s pretty much what’s written in between the lines in the story since it was the cousin complaining about it not the husband. The real question is what did the cousin tell the whole family because they shouldn’t have reacted that way from these facts.
Story 4: When my mother was in university to get her degree, my father, who was a professor at that same university (my mother never had classes with him and they married before he became a professor before anybody asks) and he made a point of stop giving night classes during this time so my mother could study while he took care of my and my sister, that's how a partner that is mature and wants what's best for you take your studies into consideration.
The last story has filled me with absolute rage. Like we've heard worse stories on this channel, but still none have made me as angry as this one. Maybe it's just cause I'm in uni now and I also have a bit of a fear of failure, but I can't believe the husband did that to her. It's absolutely disgusting. She's lucky she was able to reschedule; He could have ruined her entire life. If I were her, I wouldn't have even come home. I'd have gone anywhere else but there and would probably straight up divorce him over it. For me. 5/5 buttholes. What a twat.
exactly. this is divorce-worthy. this event means that the husband cannot be trusted to be responsible with life changing, critical situations, and may even go out of his way to maliciously sabotage OP. OP has got to leave this person immediately.
This, exactly. I was expecting OP to go home and either pack a bag, or tell him to get out. Because WTF? He didn't just take an hour away from her, he took weeks, if not MONTHS of study away from her and now she has to start from scratch. He could have ruined her whole life doing this shit and all she's doing is not speaking to him? What happens next time she doesn't do what he wants? Will he sabotage her work alarm, and then she loses her job as a result? Will he block the number of an important client the night before a big event? He's showed himself to be controlling, clingy, manipulative, and now childish and spiteful. She needs to run. He WILL do this again.
Last OP honestly needs to leave. He didn't 'take an hour' from her, he took all her hours of studying for her diploma, all the money spent on the course, all the hours in Highschool trying to get onto the course! All because he couldn't just tell HIS friend that his wife wasn't attending a party because she had an exam.
Last story: What OP did was mild compared to what I'd do if someone had the audacity to pull that shit with me. When you're in college your literal future is on the line for every test and exam you take. Granted this could just be retaking the course if you failed / want a better grade (some colleges have a grade forgiveness policy). But even then some classes are only offered one semester out of the year. To top it off if they wouldn't have let OP reschedule the exam then they'd have to take the class again........which is just more time spent studying so the husband would be prolonging his issue of "we never spend time together anymore!"
If his childish behaviour has caused OP to have to retake the class I guarantee her husband would take no blame for it. He would continue complaining and moaning at OP that he's not getting attention from her, and making her life difficult because he'll keep messing with stuff that will ruin her chances of completing the course. He's trash and he really needs to grow up.
Lady on the farm: “Trapped” is definitely the right word and you’d better get the hell out of there before you wake up at 60 and wonder just what the f you were thinking. Good god - are you kidding? Run run run.
I feel like 85% of AITA is people in abusive relationships being gaslit into thinking they're the asshole, 10% is people gaslighting someone else, and 5% is miscellaneous family, work, and landlord drama. (This is not taking into account fake stories, but I think those usually follow the same trend anyways)
Second Story: **RUN** he’s isolating you with the child, not wanting you to work, not wanting you to leave an isolated area, I wouldn’t be surprised if he baby trapped you get out ASAP talk to your family to get you out if you can
Third story: NTA. Wtf how old is this girl??? She threw a tantrum when she didn’t get her way at first, was sarcastic to her boss about something serious, and is calling her boss a “dinosaur” for following procedures? How does she still have a job?
R/slaah... I feel like you got the bait on Shara's story. There's no indication that she didn't do her job. Just op stating she wasn't showing online when he demanded to. And the fact that he compromised for her just shows she was valuable and worth to do so. She asked for something, got it. End of discussion.
@@DjM3nix Well, clients were saying they couldn't get in touch with her, and she lied to someone saying she was on leave (it sounds like that person then went to OP to do the work she should have done, so she may have done it to get out of working). If it was just being offline, I'd agree, but if people are complaining, then there's an issue.
@@DjM3nix the fact she wasnt online and clients looked for her, couldn't find her and assumed she is on leave absolutely means she failed the requirement to do her job. That simple. It is part of her job to communicate with clients, end of story. If more than one person and it was more than one, complained she wasn't available, she isn't doing her job.
Last story: if you threaten my career, my job, or anything like that... if you threaten my FUTURE, you're out of my life. PERIOD. NTA. In fact, OP is nowhere nearly as angry as she should be. That husband is not only toxic, he's straight up dangerous. What if, in the future, he sabotages OP's jobs?
I’m a stay at home mom, this is a really hard job. No breaks,no on and off hours, you are always on and your kids will constantly need or want you. The only person that should have final say on it is the parent that will be home all day with the tiny demons. And him having his whole family come at her while she’s pregnant!? Absolutely not! She needs to get outta there as soon as possible.
Thank goodness both of MY parents worked! Thanks to them we lived a wonderful life in a decent middle class suburban neighborhood. We took vacations and they made sure that I had everything I needed for school and spoiled me a little bit as well! Lots of toys, books, and games to keep me occupied! Wonderful neighbors who could look after me before and after school and I would play with their children, making friends in the process! No SAHM for our little family of three! Dual income is the way to be! You can afford a better way of life for your family that way!
@@MINGIRL1979 I’m not sure how to say this without being rude but I don’t need to work outside of the home. My family is upper middle class and we’re more than comfortable as it is.
The husband in the last story sounds like a petty manchild. At least OP was able to reschedule her exam, but if I were her, I would be rethinking my marriage to him.
He's basically that 8 year old kid who do something like this because they didn't come to their birthday party. Like I am not the smartest and I procrastinate a lot while studying, I think exams should take priority first. But the husband's actions is absolutely unhinged, and he has the gall to not speak to OP, claiming he was "tRaUmAtIzEd" by OP'S yelling. Bruh, he should feel lucky yelling was the only thing OP did. I would have backhanded him across the face.
She shouldn't rethink, she should leave his ass right now. No thinking needed. He tried to ruin her entire education because he was sad she didn't come to a party.
Agreed, she needs to cut and run while she can, he's an absolute manchild, and personally Im in the dugout rooting for OP to have the cost of tuition billed to him for sabotage if she fails the semester.
Second story: Girl, pack your bags and get out of there as fast as possible. This entire situation has "UNHAPPY LIFE" written all over it in bright colours.
Second story: halfway through the reading, I couldn't stop screaming: "GET OUT OF THERE!". Please tell me someone told her. Please tell me any of the comments pointed her to the massive red flags that I was seeing and told her to run away from there as fast as possible.
@@Blackmesa457 unfortunately, yes, the husband and his family are totally isolating her. Hopefully, however, the people who read her story on reddit were able to offer her some much-needed support and also pointed out the many red flags to her. More hopefully she is able to escape that situation.
Story 4: Ironic that what the husband did was the real selfish act. Never sabotage someone's exam, because you could've just robbed them of their future. Who cares if your spouse won't go to your friend's birthday because they have an exam. It's not *your* problem!
For the third story I'm actually going disagree with you about the OP. While yes they did give Sarah special treatment and allowed her to do more work from home then the others, they first went to the rest of the team and asked if they'd be fine with that. So OP in my books is NTA in this situation, as for Sarah she should be available doing the hours that she's being paid for. If she's leaving every day for multiple hours then obviously she's just taking advantage of being at home and not in the office. She agreed to work those hours and she should make herself available doing those hours. It's one thing if on rare occasions she had to disappear to take care of something at her house that popped up, but to do it daily and she's a senior employee makes me think she's just taking advantage. OP should tell her that she either needs to start actually working or start coming in like everyone else.
Everyone seems to give the same excuse, that all the other coworkers are ok with it. Do you really think people so easily speak their minds and start an argument with coworkers even if they don't like something? What is more likely to happen is that, so long as you don't do something that directly affects a coworker in a bad way, everyone would be fake polite and won't want to argue with you. Just let you have your way, even if they won't like it and think it's unfair, especially with someone like Sarah who gets accusitive and starts shedding crocodile tears over stuff like this just to get her way. Instead of making enemies with such a person, it's just easier to keep the peace and keep your real thoughts to yourself. Not to mention, she is setting a precedent by pushing boundries, and the boss caving in means they might also have the chance to have the same privilages in the future. They will 100% think the boss is an ahole if he doesn't give them the same privilages when they decide to push the boundries too. That's just how people work...
*1st Story:* OP's cousin got a rude wake-up call about her Creepy Husband. Feels like karma for her haughty Christian attitude. *2nd Story:* To use a Scary Movie 1 quote: _"Run, bitch! RUNNNNN!"_ Family traditions shouldn't equal physical & emotional imprisonment. *3rd Story:* "Sarah" is abusing her WFH privileges and if OP doesn't nip this behaviour in the bud, you're going to have more productivity problems if the other coworkers start following her example. *4th Story:* OP's Husband is a either a petty manchild or an abuser. If he's the former, OP should call out this behaviour and if it's the latter, _RUN!_
Dude, it's her final year, the final stretch of exams, and her selfish child of a husband decided to sabotage -- at the _very_ least -- a _month's_ worth of work and study because he was pissy because she didn't go to a party. I'd have been *livid.*
Agreed. But, for really, if they throw a fit it would also be OK to remain no contact and let them have a fit. OP has no obligation to respond or justify her decisions.
Misogyny and control is not a family tradition, it’s a violent system that has been perpetuated for centuries. I hope that the woman in the second story got out safely. A parent (of any gender) choosing to stay at home, or parents deciding together to have one stay at home, is different and works well for many families - but it is work and it is a situation that has to be discussed and negotiated and continuously evaluated to make sure it is working well. Staying home can have significant impacts on the partner staying home with respect to career and finances, as well as mental and physical well-being, if it isn’t negotiated properly. Edited to add: being the working partner also has impacts. Both need to be able to evaluate and discuss their ongoing needs and feelings.
Third story. I wouldn’t say OP is the a-hole on any circumstances. OP stated that after his conversation with Sarah he asked everyone else if they were ok with the arrangement. I bet if people said something he would change it. He also said Sarah is deemed senior to the others so maybe that gets her a bit more treatment. I don’t know just my opinion
It’s still bad management practice to single out employees for special privileges. Believe me, I learned that the hard way when I was a young manager! Plus, he’s swayed by emotional appeals, and he’s asking for advice on Reddit instead of actually managing this problem employee. Now that I know better, I’d have been documenting all the instances where clients or colleagues have complained about the employee being away from her desk, then I’d have called her in to confront her and return her to the same schedule as the rest of the office.
Imagine being mad your partner can't go to parties with you for 2 weeks because they have to study for an important exam, instead of being supportive and sympathetic that they can't do anything fun with you for a while you decide to make their life harder.
That second story is the goddamn opening to a horror story. Also maybe it's just because i wasn't raised in a conservative family but 21 is waaaaaaay too young to be getting married, pregnant and moving to an isolated farm to "continue the family tradition" like it's 1814. No car, no money, no reliable way of contacting the outside world. This a really good way to end up enslaved or dead. Seriously this creeps me the hell out.
Story 2: Man, it's so obvious he doesn't want OP to work, and I hope OP manages to find her way out of the mess. OP has the right to work. He could take that behavior to another level and leave OP figuratively shackled to the house!
For the 3rd story, the OP said they literally asked the rest of the team if they were fine with it before giving in to Sarah’s demand. It wasn’t special treatment at all.
It’s still special treatment if it’s only available to her. Getting the okay from others might’ve just been them being polite, because in the end the final say goes to the team leader. If they said no as well, would he say it was BECAUSE of them or just take the brunt of the blame? When he said it did it SOUND like it would be available to them too so they agreed and later found out it was just her OR did they know from the beginning itd just be her? It’s also not known.
Second story: red flag parade! I tensed up the *second* OP mentioned that the farm was isolated. Then, OP mentioned no extra car, and refusing access to a communication device (the laptop.) OP's husband just wants them pinned in place so he can take advantage of them.
The second story screams abuse, isolating her, refusing to allow to get a job or even have proper internet access, she’s completely cut off. I pray op gets out before the abuse turns physical.
The first sign of being controlled is isolating you from your support system. The 2nd story is an indication of the abuse to come. Get out of this toxic relationship now, OP!
Last story : NTA. This is what happens in the last year of school. Lots of exams. He's the selfish one for not understanding this. Your exams were indeed a priority over "having fun". Your partner is extremely immature. This would be ground for separation.
Second story: OP RUN. Your BF and his mother are trying to isolate you from outside world completely. This is dangerous and there is big chance you'll end up as free workforce rather than wife.
This is gonna sound a bit cruel but I think that the OP of the third story should completely take away that employee's work from home privileges. This is a text book example of the saying "privileges, abuse em and ya lose em".
Totally agree with you. The only thing I didn't understand was rslash saying op was a bhole because of the privilege she game the girl. Didn't she ask everyone if they were ok with it?
@@gustavocodeco6015 You think coworkers are gonna say, 'no i'm not ok with it' and outright argue with her? You think people just speak their mind so openly and argue over unfair stuff like that instead of taking the hassle free way of being fake polite to keep the peace even if they don't like it? Especially if it's with someone like Sarah who gets accusitive and starts shedding crocodile tears over stuff like this to get her way. Sarah getting privilages does not really directly affect the coworkers even if they were to think it's unfair, so it would be foolish to stand out and make enemies with her in the workplace. Not to mention, her getting such privilages hopefully opens up their opportunity to have those same privilages in the future. Let her push the boundries and set the precedent, easier than doing it themselves first, then they can start pushing themselves when the boss caves in. Oh, but they will 100% think the boss is an ahole if he doesn't cave in to them and give them the same privilages when they decide to push...
Husband who changed the alarm was selfish and felt entitled to ‘punish you’ or, as you said ‘teach you a lesson’. You are not a child, you are not property. He is a textbook abuser who will probably escalate over time. Most start with this kind of psychological/controlling behaviour and just get better at it (and learn to gaslight you about) over time. Divorce. Him. Now. Count your luck for discovering his tendencies early. DO NOT think you can fix him or that he’ll stop doing it because he cries or begs. You can’t and he won’t. Get out.
Oh, that second story gets my blood boiling. They're trying to isolate her into a life she doesn't want by gaslighting the shit out of her. She needs to get the fuck out of there ASAP.
The second story is scarily similar to my mother and father. My mother moved to PA to be with my Dad, with very little family of her's here, and was basically forced to be a SAHM.
Last story: as a college student myself, I know that final exams are like the make or break of someone's grade what your husband did is almost unforgivable. What makes this worse is why he did it. 2 weeks with no partys isn't even s long amount of time. I'm sorry to say this but you married a man child, because an adult will understand and maybe even help with what you're going through.
The work-from-home story: If Sarah is a client facing employee, those long breaks are an issue because the company's clients cannot get ahold of her. Also, Sarah appears to be actively trying to undermine OP. Sarah needs to shape up or be gone.
Story 2: Sounds like the plan was to force op into the role of "stay at home mom", forcing her into the role by, moving, isolating her and then gaslighting her into making her doubt herself and comply
The ops in the 2nd and 4th leave because their clearly in a controlling or toxic relationship with a partner who doesn’t care about their partner moving up in life
The story of OP going to live on the Family Farm is wretched! The two car thing had flags and red sirens going off but then the laptop, the mum & SIL’s all ganging up on her made it scary! You discuss these things BEFORE marriage. And no, not all online jobs are scams. Being a work outside of home or SAH mum is a personal decision made between a couple, not the family and not implied. OP needs to have someone pick her up and go back to NOLA for a bit to seriously think about this marriage, family and the entire situation. All I could picture was that couple on tv with 20 kids and Texas Chainsaw Murderer! Seriously, that is not ok. Run!
story 1: damn i hate people like this. judging people for "sinful behaviour". they need to get their heads out of their ass and mind their own god damn business.
Today is my first morning of being on vacation for a week, and I’m still using rSlash to start off my morning while looking out at the sunrise right on the water. Love your content rSlash, you’re the best!
When it comes to second story that is great example of why you ask questions during the dating phase. Questions like "How many kids you want." "Whose stay home and watch the kids." "Are you ok with living on a farm" things you need to ask. Also it seems like they got married in like a couple months that's bit quick that is not long enough to vet for red flags im not blaming OP but the red flags would been seen if she waited a couple of years first plus dating someone from different isn't the best idea cause you end isolated you don't know anyone there.
With Story 3. I dont think OP is an AH. OP asked their coworkers and colleagues if itd be okay and its heavily implied they were. If they weren't and OP still favoured Sarah then theyd be TA.
Without even getting to the actual content of the 4th story, I was already demanding OP's husband's head on a silver platter. I think the most important rule when having any sort of relationship with someone (be it platonic friendship, romantic, or family), is that you NEVER, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, fuck with someone's final college exam.
That second story gave me some major horror movie plot lines. Young mother without friends or family? Check! Suddenly moove to an isolated area with husband and mother in law? Check! No way to commute to, or work in town? Check! Denied access to outside contact via internet? Check! Inlaw family who normalizes it all? And we have BINGO!
That second story is TERRIFYING. Like genuinely. That woman is practically trapped in a toxic mysognistic environment. If she doesn't get out now, she may never. I hope she leaves as fast as possible. Her situation is my worst nightmare.
That last story, I would have taught him a lesson. I would have said I was going to a friends house until the exam was over and that I wouldn't be hanging or living with him until it was over cause my trust for him was gone. He didn't just take an hour away from her, he took EVERYTHING from her. She studied for weeks maybe even months for this exam and it was almost ruined in seconds. Glad she could reschedule but seriously, go to a hotel if you have to but don't stay in the house with him when something that important is going to happen. Trust 100% gone. I wouldn't go with him to parties or anything anymore and just tell him I'm too busy to even talk to him until the exam was over and I could relax. OP really needs to consider sitting down with him and having a talk that, if it happens again, she could no longer live with him. That is not the behavior of an adult, but a child that didn't get his way. Absolute butthole.
First story : Nope, NTA. Your cousin dug her own hole and was completely oblivious to the obvious. Like rSlash said, she sounds like she's trying to get YOU estranged from the family instead of dealing with her husband's obvious cheating ways.
OP whose husband fucked with the alarm is NTA. He was immature, controlling, and manipulative, and tried to sabotage OPs' progress in life. Not a great basis fir a life together. He should be supporting her during the stress of exams.
The 2nd story makes me so scared for OP. Living in the middle of nowhere is an everyday nightmare for me (one that will hopefully change soon) because just the thought of having no contact with the outside world is terrifying enough to me. I hope to heck that OP finds a way to escape that situation. the Husband and his family are toxic and I would never want to live in a situation like that.
That last story filled me with legit rage. To have so little regard for your partner, or her achievements - and to be so selfish... No. That's the definition of a 'butthole' Second story wife needs to run... That family sounds like a cult. You just know once she agrees, it will get worse. Next will be complete contact isolation from family/friends. Maybe she'll get beaten - how will she even call for help? That is a seriously scary situation. Honestly, it feels like the background story to a murder documentary.
Oh yikes!! Story #2 is a situation that OP 100% needs to get out of. Doesn't have her own car, husband is trying to isolate her on the farm, family is trying to bully her into being a SAHM, husband is giving excuses as to why she can't have a job.
Second story, the woman needs to board a bus back to her hometown and get away from her controlling husband and his family. They want to control every aspect of her life and she didn't know prior to moving that this is what they had in mind. If she doesn't leave now she will never be able to get away. They will keep her poor with no way of being able to escape. I pray she gets out ASAP!!!!!!
Op of the second story RUN. HECKING RUN!!! You’re going to be entering a life of emotional and financial abuse!!! You have been isolated from friends and family, you have to financially depend of your husband, AND you have a baby on the way!!! I’m assuming the husband flipped the moment you got pregnant! He trapped you! RUN
Story two: Run for your life, OP! Hitchhike if you have to! These people are like a cult, and insist on controlling you. Seriously, you need to get out of there as fast as you can. If there is nobody who will come and get you just call the police to help you get out.
Minor update to story #2: the account has been deleted. Little concerning considering that her husband and his family are showing textbook isolationist behavior.
If she had went to the party, you know he would have wanted to stay for more than an hour. Him & his friends would have pressured her to stay more. It seems like her husband doesn’t value what she is trying to accomplish.
It’s a sad, fragile, misogynistic man who feels emasculated by a working wife. Yeah, I’d be on the “I’m getting an abortion and out of this marriage” bus
The second story is SCREAMING RED FLAGS. I am so incredibly stressed for her. She is on her own with no way to get out this feels totally planned on his end!!!
rSlash, you really nailed it with the WFH story. I know the type of employee and manager. They have all the reason in the world not to work as hard as everyone else. Hard workers pick up their slack begrudgingly and management doesn't notice because "as long as the work get's done" everyone should be happy in their mind. They think the underlings are starting to become influenced by their team leads behavior... Wrong, they're influenced by managements reaction to that behavior... If you don't work hard you don't have to. If you do work hard then you have to work hard because no one else will and you'll get an extra $1000 or $2000 for doing Suzie's $90,000 a year job plus yours. No pressure.
Last story: The husband made an excuse that HIS friends would be upset that SHE wasn't there...wouldn't they want her to achieve something for herself then if she's on such a pedestal?
I work as a DFV Specialist in Australia. That second story gives me a lot of the early signs that things are going to get worse. Even the fact he essentially moved her during her pregnancy (a time when abuse often starts or escalates). Another fascinating (albeit less overt) sign is that he decided SHE needed to sleep in the guest room. If you’re upset with someone, you generally decide to move yourself, not someone else. Not unless you feel your needs are more important and that you can just dictate to the other person what they are going to do. Glad you called our the red flags rSlash. Also, that last story also falls into very concerning territory. His behaviours fall into what could feasibly be described as a one-sided power game (monopolising her time) or more likely suppression of potential (sabotaging). I’d be curious to hear what his behaviours are like at other times. When things are going well/not well according to him.
Yeah I'm just going to say this on the Second Story this is the one time I say that this calls for divorce like I'm going to say this if I was in the shoes of the original poster and the husband and his family were getting upset that I didn't want to do this weird family tradition of being a stay-at-home wife and I actually want to work to make stable money yeah I'm not going to lie I've been waiting for a golden opportunity when everybody can't do a single thing with me packing up some clothes taking the kids putting them into a car driving as far away from that place cuz I can and having divorce papers send by my lawyer or whoever can send them to that property's address because clearly these people are crazy as hell and they're trying to manipulate Op by making her feel bad for not taking up a role they clearly don't have to do and the thing I find so funny is hilarious in a sad way like how the husband tries to use the idea oh your job is a scam and I don't want you falling into a trap because of the fact that you want to work from home oh but your job isn't more important than mine how do I know your job is to be stable enough for us to basically live but clearly the husband doesn't care about that because he's so obsessed with this stupid ass family tradition he would rather hear about that then how stable their life is supposed to be and I don't know if it's just coming from a bad place because they lost somebody or they're just using this person's death as an excuse to have somebody like the original poster in the story have to pick up that roll
That last story is stunning in how infantile the husband acted. Years of pursuing a degree by OP (OP was in school when they married so studies should be no surprise to the "child") could have been ruined because of his temper tantrum. OP needs to consider how this individual will react when there is a true crisis in their lives.
The final story infuriates me to no end. I'm a college student myself, beginning my last year, and I just instantly felt the rage, embarrassment and adrenaline from missing an exam. What an ass.
