Hello about story one I'd would say yes but they as in all his family would have go to church on Sunday. he would speak in front of everyone and speak about what going on and how Him, his wife and his child Was pretty much abandoned on his and his wife's Wedding day Because his wife was pregnant. If his family can handle being embarrassed in front of their church members then yes they can be a part of his daughter's life
For am I the a-hole I would recommend the am I the a-hole filtered subreddit for at least 1 or two videos it basically takes the posts that people had trouble agreeing on and I think it would be good, but its your Chanel so it’s up to you
There's no way that dad "spoils" the step daughter. He said that he saved fir YEARS to get the money for a car. Bio daughter is grown and is constantly looking for hand outs. Wish i could go through life getting free money from my family lol
I'm pretty sure the daughter is being manipulated and emotionally abused by her husband and his family. It wasn't his daughter demanding money it was her husband and his family.
If she'll really be able to pay him back in a few months, why not wait and finance it themselves? Of course, with them already struggling with debts, that was pretty obviously a false promise intended to reduce his grounds to disagree.
Also ops point of “if your already struggling with debts why should I pay for you to have a child and end up in even more debt” they are exchanging a baby and a crap ton of debt for no baby and less debt Me personally I’d wait. Also to me does it sound like the daughter was happy? After bringing up this point it seems like only the son in law was arguing and still continue to argue to have a baby
Exactly my thoughts when listening to that story, he did say that they might’ve been pressured but if they can’t afford treatment now they definitely cannot afford a baby right now
Re: the "Money Equality" story: As someone who grew up with 2 broke-ass, barely employed parents who were constantly in debt and struggling to pay for necessities, it frustrates me to no end to hear about people insisting on having children when they can't afford it. You don't NEED a child, but if you insist on bringing one into existence then that child has no choice in needing food, clothes, a home, health care, etc. etc. and it's the parent's responsibility to be able to provide that.
@@UnkillableJay just imagine what kind of mess they are in , this amount of money isn't a joke . They have big depts to pay or they lying show they can have a good life
1st story: I’m an actual Presbyterian minister. Mary, the Mother of Jesus was pregnant and not yet married. The parents said it, they care more about status than actual love
Yep. And, as far as I'm concerned, he was already marrying his girlfriend so I don't see why they cared so much? His family reminded me of my dad's (my dad's was worse cause they were "good Christians" yet beat my dad to a bloody pulp) family who instantly called my sisters and I bastards and then got mad cause we wouldn't pay for them to live once we grew up; yet they never once apologized for what they did. Once his tyrant parents stopped harassing us and both died from health complications, my dad's brothers and sisters came to apologize and atone and now, 31 years later, I'm finally meeting my dad's family.
@@SevCaswell Well, there is a difference between being Christ-like and being a self-righteous prick. Sadly, many self-proclaimed Christians don’t know the difference
For the last story, there's a detail that RSlash seems to have missed. They're putting themselves into debt to have a child, which costs a lot of money. If they're already in debt while both of them can work full time, how do they expect to pay back OP while working less, to care for the baby, and also spending more to care for that same baby. I'm sure of it, they promised to get it back in "A few months" but OP wouldn't ever have seen a single cent back for years
That's what I was thinking. And that update from the comments that he has no idea why they're rushing in and not saving and trying later because he's pretty sure she's being pressured into it - he needs to worry about showing his daughter all the red flags in her marriage and potentially getting her out. Especially if he has a big issue with the in-laws [if justified obviously]. They're pressuring his daughter to go into serious debt to have kids as soon as she can rather than saving up for them a bit later is a HUGE red flag. And it also seems the anti-adoption comes from the in-laws if I understood that correctly. Seems like huge red flags that he should try to help his daughter away from. Especially if her mentality of "Spoiling the stepdaughter" is coming from the mother-in-law rather than reality.
If they supposedly can afford to pay him back in a few months, then save for those few months and try again with your own money. He saved for years to get his other daughter this car. Again, like others said, they are in debt anyways so they should not be having kids at the moment. Sounds like the older daughters in laws are pressuring them to have kids.
Yeah, I think he forgot that part. Since they were both married (and we don’t know anything else about their marriages or how their affair started), I don’t see a basis for giving them different scores.
Good grief no if the OP wants to give step daughter a car he should. His bio daughter is grown, if she cannot afford baby treatments she can’t afford the baby. End of story. Who are these people thinking they have any right to tell OP where to spend the money he worked for? It is absolutely ridiculous grown children expecting no demanding money from their parent….holding their relationship as ransom. Give me money daddy or you don’t love me! Disgusting.
I have to agree. the fact the bio daughter wants money from her dad when she's an adult is pretty inconsiderate. She's an adult, she needs to take care of herself. Also, one other thing, I noticed RSlash said something about her being pressured. Something tells me that it's her husband that's the real problem, not her or the step daughter. But that's just my own thought. Either way, I definitely think OP can spend his money how he wants, and even if he tries to be equal to both daughters, that won't truly come to be since his bio daughter is already an adult and he was her father since she was 2, I would say she has forgone the option to ask for money since everyone around her has debt, and they could save up for it themselves. Even if it takes time.
Yeah, I think we have plenty of info with that one. Especially with the fact that they’re in debt and even though she’s young enough to save for a few years and be a mother later but is likely being pressured. If her in-laws are pressuring her to give her husband children and adoption is 100% off the table because the child needs to be blood related, I’m wondering if she’s even the infertile one. It sounds like a mix of misogyny and toxic traditionalism, which never assumes the man is the one shooting blanks. It would suck for her to be going through all these treatments and she’s not even the one who needs them. That’s a waste of time and money. If she’s also being pressured to be a mom ASAP, I’m concerned about what else might be going on behind the scenes that OP doesn’t know about. Because to me, that’s a red flag. Red flags rarely fly solo.
@@meddlinmegs you're definitely right with that. I've seen some relationship advice stories sort of like this. And usually there's always more than one person causing said red flag
All I have to say is that if OPs daughter can’t afford to have a kid because of debt, then she should NOT be having one. It’s so cruel for a kid to have to grow up in that situation. So at this point OP is 100% justified.
While I generally agree with this, my brother recently went through something similar, and IVF is incredibly expensive. It's very possible to afford to raise a child, but not be able to afford the IVF to get it to begin with.
@@Zaratuir That's true IVF is expensive, but story stated they stopped trying bc of financial struggles. Story never stated they were stable again and skipped to wanting a child. Whole story isn't there, but it kinda looks like they're too desperate to think properly.
@@SevCaswell adoption is equally as expensive, risky, not guaranteed. Above all it may not even be permanent in some cases. It’s not really on the table for most. Fostering on the other hand is more doable
Last story: NO no no. This has nothing to do with ”equal gift value”. OP is fully entitled to spend his money on the car if he wants to - his daughter/SIL don’t have any claim on that money regardless of previous gifts. And he also brings up a good point: is it really a good idea to have kid in so much depth?
I would even go so far as to say that if the dad would decide to buy a car for himself, the daughter('s inlaws) would still throw a fit, about how he is spending his money...
I mean, let’s not even consider OP’s finances and the 18 yo daughter gift, you’re burdened with so much debt that you’re struggling with your own medical expenses, how can you even provide for a baby! And that’s considering that the baby is healthy! If they aren’t, guessing what, the costs would exponentially increase! How can you be so irresponsible in wanting a child now?!
Agreed! And it doesn’t matter what he spent on which child. That’s HIS money and he gets to spend it however he chooses. He’s not obligated to help either when they are adults. Especially when you have a husband! You leave your father’s home and go to your husband and make a home. The older daughter and husband are the buttholes.
His biological daughter is a full adult who is married. She should be self-sufficient. The 18-year-old still appears to live at home is not self-sufficient and needs a vehicle to be self-sufficient.
Also I want to say, the biological daughter said she’d pay back the money in a few months, but considering how IVF is like 13,000 dollars and they never paid for the first round of it, and they’re in debt, OP is never going to see that money, or at the very least, for years. I understand his biological daughter, I cannot have kids biologically without a donor egg, and although I’m not at an age where I want kids yet, I get the stresses of that daughter, but she has no right to demand that money when OP spent several years saving it for his other daughter. I don’t think he was spoiling her because he said it took him a long time to save the money, meaning he probably didn’t have lots of disposable income to just buy a car. The fact that the biological daughter and her side of the family is guilting OP into thinking he owes her more because they share blood relations is so selfish. Fertility treatments are expensive as hell, and IVF isn’t that successful until you do it so many times, so it’s unreasonable for that daughter to ask for money that wasn’t for her when there’s no emergency and also, they’re an adult, they can make their own money.
Last story: I strongly believe that people who want to be parents but refuse not to adopt because they require a blood relation have no business being parents. You're already in it for the wrong reasons.
Right? I literally had to reality check an old friend of mine that was the start of why I'm not friends with him anymore. I was given up by my parents who didn't want me. I was born in the South out of wedlock in the 80's. No one from my mom OR my dad's side of the family took me in. No aunts, uncles, grandparents, NO ONE wanted that 'shame'. Spent my life growing up in a home, wishing that I had parents that gave a damn about me. So with that context: We were talking one day about our plans for the future and he told me that he was afraid he and his wife might not be able to conceive; when I mentioned adoption he went on about the whole "I want a blood child" blah blah and how he couldn't imagine raising someone else's child. I literally just stared at him and after a moment he caught himself and goes, "oh..OH FUCK. I am SO SORRY." But that was the beginning of the end of that friendship.
@@kingblanketforttrue family isn't held together by blood but by bonds. Which is why found families are always superior to ones held together by genetics.
Of course it's malicious. Him denying it is him failing to mentalise. He's not seeing how easy it is to see for everyone else and therefore tries to lie.
Someone should get him a nice T-shirt. "Still learning basic manners" or anything he would find super insulting. Just to see if he can take the joke. I'm sure he can't.
If fertility treatments are needed to get pregnant it’s okay to ask for money (to a point) but you don’t get to tell someone that it’s their turn to help out - it doesn’t matter how much money they have. If you want a child ultimately it’s your responsibility to come up with that money since you’ll have to come the money to raise them beyond conception.
I want to know how much do fertility treatments were compared to what a car would be so that way they could gauge how much what was going to be gained or lost here?
@@richewilson6394 well, the price doesn’t matter because they have to do it anyways. It’s a medical requirement that they do treatments like that, but they’re just trying to climb out of the money hole they’ll be in by doing so. It’s not OP’s fault at all
@@richewilson6394 the treatment can vary from clinic to clinic or even state to state but the main problem is (for me at least) they usually tell to wait a handful of months after a success or failure so the fact that they keep rushing for a child instead Idk ADOPTION screams they have no plan for this.
The first story is a perfect example that "beeing a Christian" is often just about reputation within a certain community and not really about understanding and living Christian values.
Ye, so many people make Christianity look dirty because of that "we have a reputation blablabla" At least **there** are people who truly are living on Jesus' values. 🙏 Edit: JESUS I meant "there". Giant typo lol
The last story: The younger daughter is still a child and the dad is financially responsible for her. The older daughter is grown and is responsible for herself. Getting any sort of financial help from her father is a gift, not a right. I know the optics aren't great, seeing thousands of dollars go toward a car instead of a potential baby but it isn't the dads problem and to drag him into it just makes a sad situation worse.
Also, like OP said, the younger daughter will be going off to college pretty soon. There are some places where it’s absolutely necessary to have a car due to lack of decent public transportation. Where I went to college, they had campus buses that went to Walmart sometimes, but that’s it. You needed a bike or car to get anywhere else. It makes way more sense to spend the money on something his younger daughter likely needs versus something the older daughter wants but can’t afford the treatment or the child that might come from it.
OP’s oldest daughter shouldn’t even be thinking about having a baby if she’s so deep in debt. babies aren’t fucking toys you can just leave aside for when things get better. You need to be financially stable first
@@bridi0821 This! There's some statistic or something that days nowadays is takes $250k to raise a baby to 18. If you need this much help at jump street, you need to wait and save. I'm a rainbow baby. My mom had me at 36 and my sister at 38. I just turned 35 and everything is great. Being an older parent is not a bad thing. I may not have those extra 10 years with my mom, but I have her. Think more about the baby and less about what your daddy gave you. I pray and hope for their success, but don't depend on him. Who even knows how much time the dad has with us. You can't depend on your parents aid after a certain point. Despite their horrible behavior, I wish the hopeful parents well.
@@PozestStar i hope they don't have kids, if bio daughter hasn't realized she's with an awful man who only sees her as a walking incubator i don't wanna know what's hapoen if she doesn't get pregnant with a boy
Yeah, If she really wants a kid then she can save up until she has enough money. Imean, she and her husband could have adopted but it's out of the table for them.
@@ChrisMaxfieldActs I just checked it up for the US and damn it's high. I live in France and it is free. I didn't think that adoption was that expensive in the US.
They also shouldn’t be bringing a child into the world if they’re so heavily in debt. Babies aren’t toys you just get because you want one. You need to be financially stable.
Story 1: OP, when your "family "stepped out on you tell the whole lot to kick bricks. Story 2: OP, leave the headstone as is. It states the truth and they cannot stomach the shame literally carved into it. Story 3: OP, the punishment was appropriate. Your bio son needs a reality check and that sometimes jokes can be taken too far.
Story 1- "Go to hell or I'll send you there". Story 2- "deal with it" or "cry me a damn river then build a bridge and get over it". Story 3- "be thankful I'm only taking away the reservation and not sending you away to ______________ for the crap you pulled".
Rslash, what are you talking about with the “Best Dad Story?” Not only is OP literally taking responsibility for their kid’s actions by canceling the party, but they also mentioned that they’d discussed this with their son before. OP’s kid is 17. They are more than old enough to learn not to do these things (even without a punishment).
I agree, I dont think it was fair that OP for 1/5, sure they're parents, but at the age of 17, 2 months away from 18.. I'm pretty sure you know how to take accountability for a shitty stunt that their son did. The son should take accountability, OP did give a punishment. I don't understand.
While I normally enjoy Rslash's insights, like in the third story acknowledging we may not have the whole story and contemplating different angles; across stories similar to the butthole teenager he seems to adhere to a belief that if a parent does everything right, their children will turn out as perfect people. But the parent isn't the only influence. There's other family, teachers, peers/friends, etc.
The point of rslash was that the son clearly didn't know how to take accountability for his action. That's why rslash said it might be the dad's fault. If the dad (parents) never punish children for what they did wrong and never raise them to take accountability when they should, that's bad parenting. Rslash simply said that the dad might not have teach his son that. The fact that the son has been doing this for a long time and the dad never said anything proves rslash's point.
@@gabouchar9977 they did. Op literally said that they’ve talked to their son about it before. The kid shouldn’t need to be punished to know what he was doing was awful. He’s almost 18.
If they'll have the money to pay him back in a couple of months, they can wait a couple of months for the treatment. Simple as. But my guess is they won't have the money then. OP didn't need to say anything beyond "no", but OP's point about them not being able to afford a child if they're broke is completely justified. The hint of pressure and coercion against the daughter from her in-laws just makes this situation worse. It's nothing to do with making numbers add up. Let the poor girl enjoy her birthday present. Her 18th only comes once.
yep, only kind of butthole-ish thing that he did in my opinion was pointing out that "we don't even know if it will work", other than that I don't think he's a butthole.
exactly, as soon as they said that I instantly got suspicious. On top of that, if you can't afford IVF you can't afford to raise a child, no matter how desparetly you want one.
I completely agree on the money end. He should get the car and give it. Only thing I would point out, not as argument but as reasons for...taking the drugs and going through everything, it isn't really good to go off and then on. The pain and hormones and keeping going is important and really hard to deal with. That may make desperation worse. But not good reason to take from her sister. Not a good way to start parenting, by stealing from a kids birthday...
@@xLostInFirex Not even really a butthole thing to do, being a butthole would be shooting people down for no reason. He was pointing out something that was very likely to be fact considering it hasn't worked as of yet. it would have probably been more of a butthole thing to be like "you're broke and have no right to be baring a child, so stuff it, I'm not giving you money to put yourself further in debt." From the sounds of it, OP tried to break it gently to her that this isn't the right time for them to be considering a child when they're struggling, the husband is likely what pushed the aggression meter up.
OP's family: *Berates OP, and drops out of wedding* Also OP's family: *"We want to see OUR grandbaaaby!"* OP: *Refuses* Also, Also OP's family: *Surprise Pikachu Face*
@@jackadams3878 They are just victims of religious dogma... honestly sad people live their lives based on blatantly human manufactured rules most likely made as a means of social control. I'm not an expert on Christianity, but I'm pretty sure Jesus and God aren't total pricks who would make you abandon your family over pre-wed sex
@@dyslexicfurry Christian here to they were being very extreme about this. My family encountered a very similar situation to this one and we all attended that wedding.
For the last story, I think regardless of op's decision, it was very manipulative the way that the daughter and son-in-law went about asking for money. Bringing it up, refusing to let op change the subject, and telling op he knows he's selfish? That's just cruel.
I'm happy to see I wasn't the only one disagreeing with the verdict on the last story. Nothing is equal when it comes to children. I'm the youngest of three. My oldest brother grew up nearly homeless and my parents treated him like shit. My middle brother was given everything. To this day he's 20 living at home and my parents pay him cause he won't get a job. I grew up getting nothing and got a job on my 14th birthday just to live. You have different amounts of money throughout life but to this day if my parents ask me for money I don't give them anything because it's MY money. I help out my oldest brother sure. But not them. It's different but it still sets the point. No matter the circumstances. That's ops money.
Oh my god. Just because a kid acts out doesnt mean its the parents fault. It only becomes the parents fault if the parents refuse to acknowledge or do anything about it. Some kids are just going to be terrible, no matter how good your parenting is.
Yeah, I read a story where a child from a couple was a psycopath, he did many horrible things and the parents were overwhelmed, the kid was only 10yo, they were crearly struggling and didn't know what to do, the boy even threatened their lives. Unfortunately, sometimes you child turn out bad, no matter the amount of parenting you give.
@Wolf-dog Cat-dog The commenters gave some advice, but I don't know what happenned after, The struggling couple were relatives of OP, the little brat did things like throwing a venomous catterpillar on a literal baby, the parents also find a hamster with its legs cut off and bleeding and he also told OP that her daughter screams were adorable
OP's wife: *is pregnant* His family: YOU HAVE SINNED! *doesn't join the wedding* His family after daughter gets born: allow us to introduce ourselves Seriously, that's quite toxic. So uncool
@@peacewar2013 ooh I haven't considered that, I thought just about the child But, still, they're not right Just because their religion says it's wrong, doesn't mean you should condemn other people for doing something Right?
@@CaptainTom_EW Pretty much. The idea is that if someone has sinned, they should receive fitting punishment from the community, fate or god so that they have incentive to repent. And once that is done, they can continue on their way. To specifically kick someone out is not part of the plan and never was, it is just overradicalization from the old days that never left certain families even after centuries.
the only way this stunt wouldn't have been a cruel joke, if benjamin was nice, supportive, and wished the best of luck in becoming a dad, then the t-shirt would be a beacon of hope. and that's it. the only "not cruel" scenario benjamin's a bully
Agreed, he also changed his tune from "didn't know" to "just a joke" .. ok so that's a lie on top followed by another one. I did disagree with r:\ blaming the parent here, he is assuming they did nothing, but some peoples mentality you can't change with a hammer wait until your little ones a teen r\. It could also be a case like that and they may have tried their best. My eldest fits in that bucket... my other kids are reasonable, it can be nurture, or nature or both.. we just don't know here in OP's case.
Hearing the last story, honestly, I can already tell I agree with OP. My sister and BIL are struggling with having children. They've only been trying naturally so far, but they are in their 30s and it doesn't get easier. I've told my sister that I don't think it is a good idea for them to be having children because of how little money they have. They're not in debt or anything, but just making their combined salary is enough to get them from month to month. I hate when I hear stories of parents who actually go into debt trying these fertility treatments, let alone stories of people in debt who struggle to support their children. Obviously, I'm not saying poor people can't have kids, but if you have the choice to wait a bit to give your child a better quality of life, try to wait a bit.
Last story; Even if my 'spending level' was skewed or even or whatever I would not give a single dime to my IVF daughter. It sounds like she's in an abusive relationship where all her husband sees her as is an incubator.
Yeah, I got that vibe too. I would not be shocked in the least if the bio-daughter's husband left her if she can't conceive. There was some faint 'family lines' energy coming off that mess. Sadly, OP is likely to have that relationship turn sour unless the couple actually find a way to conceive because the husband has positioned OP as the scapegoat.
First story: The grand-daughter is not a bastard in terms of canon, civil or common law. Only if the child is born _before_ the wedding is it considered a bastard. (It is a stupid concept anyways, but that is the technicality.)
These people don’t care about truth, technicalities or anything else, they just care about appearances. Otherwise they would have encouraged OP to get married, because the child is his moral responsibility too.
If the older daughter is struggling financially, then at that time she shouldn't be thinking about having a baby at that moment. Bc OP is right, so say that the treatment does indeed work, where would the rest of the money come from for things like prenatal, baby supplies, etc? Or if maternity leave isn't paid for where OP's daughter work, they need to put back for lost wages. And if saying that they'll have the money to pay OP back in a short amount of time, why not wait till then? Or wait till they're more financially sound and prepared. I'm not saying that they have to be swimming in cash, but going through financial instability and throwing a baby into the fix is like throwing a grenade into an already roaring fire.
Thats what I was thinking and if the OP wasn't embellishing his story it is also clear that she is being pressured to give birth by her husband and his family. It's a whole mess but they most certainly do not need a child at the moment
@@unclegpa707 I could tell that too with how pushy the son in law and other in laws were to OP. Which, if they want a grand baby, niece/nephew so much then they can aid in their financial struggles. But its obvious that the in laws can't with what OP's daughter said, so they want someone to stiff the bill.
There is never a perfect time to have a baby, the older a woman gets the harder it becomes to get pregnant until it becomes impossible. You cant wait forever to get your finances, career etc in perfect order.
@@quillo2747 no time is perfect but you have to make sure you're able to feed and take full responsibility of the child that is going to arrive. Raising a child doesnt only mean feeding it, it means to raise them in a happy healthy environment.
@@quillo2747 There is truth to that, but if you have medical conditions, from both father and mother, there is a good chance that the child will inherit those issues from one or both of the parents. They seem to be barely affording their own treatments, how the hell are they going to afford a child on top of their needs, never mind if the child ends up with a medical condition. Some people shouldn't have kids, not because they are bad people (but those do exist) but because it is simply too risky. Furthermore, if you cannot afford to look after a child, then please don't have one. So many people have way too many children, especially those that cannot afford them.
For the last storey the answer was more simple than R/slash made it out to be. They were going to try again after a year and wanted some assistance and then pay it back in a couple of months? If they can pay it back in a couple of months they can let a girl have a dream 18th birthday, and wait a couple of months for the procedure.
I'm so disgusting that adoption is "off the table." wtf? Telling someone to take responsibility by giving away money to them, but can't consider the other options is deplorable.
Disagree with the "Best Dad Ever" story. OP shouldn't get any butt hole score. Kids are more than capable of continuing a joke ESPECIALLY if they've already been punished before. Chances are he probably figured he would get a lecture, maybe get a couple days off the video games and that would be that. He didn't realize he would be jeopardizing his dinner party and that's why he was so shocked. Plus I don't think OP has to go into detail with every instance and what he did to correct it, the story isn't about all the other times he's done it, just this particular point. So I think it's unfair to assume what he did or didn't do and give a score based off a possibility
I feel like the man actually thought he's getting away with this just by a few weeks being grounded with no technology, considering the attitude he gave OP sounded like a 15 years old telling off their parents. He only gotten angry when his party was canceled. in conclusion, this grown 18 years old man is being a child and as mentioned, a bully.
Also, op IS taking responsibility for his son's actions by apologizing and canceling the party imo, so giving him a butthole score for not taking responsibility is kinda wack
@@thuslydude Well the reason he gave the score was because, from the information given, this has been going on for a while and OP's only now punishing it. So it begs the question, too, what all has Benjamin gotten away with before that he shouldn't have? Especially since he's 17 years old doing stuff like this.
@@spottopia You only assume OP did nothing about it before. Perhaps he has punished him previously for his actions. Punishments don't always work. Especially if a child is particularly bratty. People frequently make the same mistake multiple times no matter the consequences. It's just how people are.
@@kalimaxine Then he would have mentioned that in the story. At least a mention that he's tried to talk to his son, but he didn't. He didn't say he tried to punish his step son, or talked to him. This is the only instance we are told that OP even punished the teen. So it's a fair assumption because OP didn't say if he did.
Nope, the IVF story isn't about how much money the dad is spending between his daughters. You can't rely on his older daughter to be correct in her assessment that the dad is "spoiling" the younger daughter. It's about responsibility. The dad is in no way responsible for the cost of IVF. The older daughter is an adult, and as such it is her job to manage her own finances and not act like a spoiled brat when she doesn't get what she wants. Lots of couples struggle with infertility, but having a baby isn't a right, and it's not the dad's job to pay for IVF, especially since it has failed in the past. Why are they turning their noses up at adoption? Any money that comes from the dad is a gift, not an entitlement.
It's not necessarily that they turned up their noses at it. Depending on country, there are a TON of requirements for adoption. There are even countries out there who will refuse to adopt a child to a family if the parent is over a certain weight, or has any mental illness or familial history of mental illness. So it's possible they investigated that route, but the medical issues OP mentioned the SIL having prevented them from pursuing that option. That said, the daughter and SIL are being nothing but selfish. Just because the OP saved up money for one specific purpose doesn't mean that someone else is entitled to demand they change that purpose because they want something. Like, what if that money was going to be used to replace the roof on OP's house? What, should he just hold off on that in the hopes that already financially struggling people will be able to pay him back in a timely manner?
Based on how it sounds, that she's being PRESSURED to have a baby, he really should be trying to save his daughter from that CLEARLY toxic family she married into.
I think, and I’m spitballing here, “spoiling [his] stepdaughter” means giving the stepdaughter a car for her birthday instead of paying for the bio daughter’s infertility treatments, because, in their minds, the bio daughter should be considered more important than the stepdaughter.
Rslash, I really dislike the whole "spend equal $" tirade you went on for the last story, yes in a perfect world and in certain circumstances it makes sense to make things even, but it should not be a contest between siblings to see who can get more $ out of the parent, especially with a 10 year gap between them, if a parent wants to do something nice for their kid they should, the same may not have even been possible due to financial limitation when the older kid was 18. with regards to wanting to spend a stupid amount of money to have a kid... they really should be getting their own finances sorted before bringing a kid into things... that being said, go ahead and buy the kid the car, then if possible see how you can support the older kid.
When it comes to the last story, I'm baffled as to how OP's daughters infertility issues have become his problem. Why does he have to spend thousands of hard earned dollars on either kid, but especially one whose grown and moved out and married? That just baffles me.
Parents: "You're staining our Good Christian values." OP was man enough to marry this pregnant girlfriend and take responsibility. Besides, a child, by definition, would be a bastard when the parents aren't married BEFORE that child is born. That being said, OP's daughter is not a bastard child.
When the parents assumed the wedding was off due to the pregnancy, I was like “but isn’t getting married when you get someone pregnant usually what Christians want you to do?” Like, OP is happy about his child and obviously wants to take care of his family, so who cares? Wouldn’t it be more scandalous if he left his pregnant fiancée high and dry?
@@songbird-wj4yj yeah! He’s just as responsible for the existence of that child, if anything they should be pushing him to “do the right thing” and “make an honest woman out of her” and all that shit. All they care about is gossip and how to avoid it… I wouldn’t be surprised if they are just contacting him in order to do reputation damage control.
There’s another couple in the Bible who literally does the same thing… and they gave birth to her the son of God. Whenever Mary told Joseph that she was pregnant, he didn’t wanna marry her because he thought that she had cheated on him. It wasn’t because she was pregnant. However, after an angel came and told Joseph that Mary was caring the son of God, He was relieved and went to her and said that he would still marry her. By this families logic they would’ve stuck their nose up at the literal son of God and at his family because Mary got pregnant before her and Joseph were married.
Let's not forget that the "other woman" in the tombstone story was also married so she was a cheater too, meaning she deserves a score regardless of whether she knew OP's dad was married or not
For that first story, the family blew it. They didn’t have to approve of the pregnancy outside of marriage, but they should have been happy that they did get married and made it right. The family should have celebrated that they decided to sanctify their relationship and bring their child into the church. And now they’ve alienated him and his new family.
For the first story, OPs family messed up. My family has gone through a lot of tragedy lately. Including a car accident that killed three beloved children in my extended family. . Our family has been a whirlpool of grief for a few years now. Recently, my one of my cousins had a baby before she got married. The wedding has been delayed because of the pandemic. And it turns out the birth of a baby is the most healing thing for a family that is dealing with such grief. It has been a joy for everyone. What a gift. OP‘s family really messed up, I’m sure once they actually saw pictures of the baby that was born, some of them might be realizing their mistake. But OP has every right to not welcome them back in the fold
Parents absolutely SHOULD spend more money on children they have later in life, if their financial situation has increased since they had the older children. I have a sister that's 20 years younger than me, and gets all kinds of financial benefits that I never had access to, and will have had far more money spent on her by the time she's my age than I did. I can't even imagine telling my mom that she should spend less on my sister, and give me more, so that she could even out the money over our lifetimes. Being jealous of a child is gross, being jealous of and trying to disadvantage your own sibling is disgusting.
I completely disagree, if you're doing better financially later in life, wether you have younger kids or not, it's the right thing to do to help out your adult children, especially if they're struggling
About the car story: NTA His older daughter is an adult. If she wants to do IVF it’s on her. She and her husband are on an age we’re the money you want to spend is on you. Of course she could have asked for help, but not demanded it. Also, it’s not a now or never situation. There are other ways to have a child. If she just wants to be a mother NOW then adopt a child. If she wants the IVF, then wait until you have the money. Simple as that. It’s true that it’s just a car, and honestly I don’t think a 18 year old should have such an expensive car, but it’s OPs right to choose what he wants to give his daughter on her 18th birthday. And she deserves a gift. It’s her 18th birthday, a one in a life time event that’s very important, and her sister wants to just skip it? So she can maybe have a biological child now? F*** off Also, the point that the blood thing was brought up is already a red flag.
@@blackknight6477 Her husband also suffers from a medical condition which I assume means more financial hardship, although we do not know his story, what happens if he gets worse?
Exactly! It is so sad how people like that give the genuinely good ones of us such a bad name! I feel like every religion or belief system is known best for its worst people, and I wish Christians like these would pull themselves together and stop being so awful. God would be so disappointed with them.
That was an amazing analysis, the fact you still gave the parent 1/5 not for the situation but for not punishing their kid and allowing it to go this far shows some amazing critical thinking, good job!
On that 4th story: It sounds like the in-laws are pressuring OP's daughter into giving them grandkids. They don't have the right to do that. Whether or not they get grandkids is *not* about them.
The first story bothers me a lot. I come from an extremely conservative family, many of which currently or at some point held positions in our church. I was 7 months pregnant at my wedding. The whole church and my whole family came to our wedding and reception. Toxic is toxic despite them telling you it’s about religion
This story reminds me of one side of my family. They are viewed as “Godly” even though my Grandpa, who was the pastor then, cheated with a woman he was giving marriage counseling to. I’ve stayed away from that toxicity and it’s definitely has helped me become a better person. I can’t tell you how many times they have talked down on me for getting pregnant before marriage. The way they casted out my cousin for coming out was so heartbreaking. I’ve heard they’ve come around some but I’m not gonna have them treat my daughter like they treated me or my cousin.
Honestly, I think they should’ve supported her decision to choose life for her baby. Besides, Jesus didn’t come to dine with the Pharisees and other upstanding members of society. He dined with the prostitutes and tax collectors.
4th story: NTA. You get to spend YOUR money on what YOU want. The fact that the guy's parents paid last time is literally irrelevant. Calling having a baby an inherently good cause, never mind a better one, is honestly just dumb. They want the treatment? They can pay for it. And OP has a point, there's no guarantee it'll even work. And I think there's no guarantee they'll pay OP back. Did they pay the guy's parents back? And if it does work and she gets pregnant, I bet $100 they'll use the excuse of expecting a baby as a reason not to pay OP back as promised anyway.
@@Richard_Nickerson that’s not even the problem. Let’s forget the treatment, they can’t even take care of their own medical expenses, how can they take care of a child?
And if they’ll be able to pay him back in a few months, then why don’t they wait for a few months to have and pay for the treatment themselves??? His daughter can still have a child for another 15 years. It happens. Unlikely, but not impossible. OP wants to treat his youngest daughter while she is still a child and can afford to do so.
@@bronwynhill8737 I disagree with this general premise- IVF and other treatments for infertility are obnoxiously expensive. Many people just don’t have that out of pocket but would still be able to provide for a child if they were able to have one naturally. That being said, it is 100% no one else’s responsibility to pay for that and this couple may just need to accept the fact that if they want to be parents, they might not be able to biologically.
"If he's spending more on his step daughter than his biological daughter, then that means that he's showing favoritism." Not necessarily. If he was struggling financially in the past, or investing heavily into paying off his mortgage, and is no longer under those burdens, then he may just have a lot more disposable income at this point in his life. I used to think that my mother did so much more for my brother than she did for me, but she made huge sacrifices to give me what little she could, whereas at the point that she would let my brother have whatever he wanted, it wouldn't have jeopardized her ability to keep the bills paid or even limit her hobbies, due to the age difference between my brother and I and the progress my mother made in her career over those years. The dad is right also, if they need to borrow money to have a kid, they can't afford a kid.
Story one: Ahhh, yes, such fine and upstanding Christian behavior on the family's part 🙄 "We only love you if you make us look good" is the message they sent, loud and clear.
The daughter unable to afford baby help and the stepdaughter with the car are in different stages, yes. However, OP has every right to tell the older daughter what he said and still buy the stepdaughter a car. Trying to have a baby through different means does not equate to selfishness because "family."
On the money equality: People are allowed to spend their money on what they want, even if that seems buttholey. Besides, Bio and Step are both 18+ (though Step sounds like she's only recently become 18). If Bio can't come up with the money to get the treatments, how will she be able to pay OP back? OR pay for the kid when it comes? Some people are so obsessed with the *idea* of being a mother/father that they forget what being a mother/father is actually about.
1. Love your icon! Represent! 2. Totally agree. Its his money. If he wanted to set it ablaze, its his right to do so. He earned and saved it. He doesn't OWE it to anyone, even his kid.
On the last story. My question is if the daughter could so easily pay her father back in a few months, then why can't she either hold off until then or take out a personal loan?
omg, my husband and i would have never dreamed of asking family to help us pay for IVF -- for exactly the father's stated reason! gives me the creeps that that couple is so fixated on their goal that they're willing to trample others' finances. yes, infertility is hard. been through it. devastating. but it's nobody's problem but mine and my husband's. foster or adopt or do the mental work of getting your mind to recover from the realities of life. AKA- grow up.
3:30 For the pregnant wedding. I still wouldn’t allow my daughter to see them UNLESS they show me that they are nice. That are kind and loving, if they can’t love me. How can they love my daughter??
Money Equality I feel like info is missing but it doesn't come across as a money issue to me. It sounds more like the In-Laws muscling in on the family dynamic. If OP said he would help his oldest daughter then he should. Hearing that the SIL demand it be OP's turn since his parents already helped feels off to me. Yes parents should help their child when they are in need. But the daughter knew OP set aside money for her younger sibling. She knows OP might be able to help right? So why is there so much emphasis on having OP give up the money they know he set aside for someone else? Why not just ask OP to chip in in general? If it is about the money, it shouldn't matter who it comes from as long as it is being used for the purpose it's asked for. Why target the funds specifically set aside for another person? The In-Law are definitely buttholes for their behavior, the daughter is petty for trying to use family as a weapon, but there seems to be more at play in the background.
@@DebtsofImmortality There's that too. Though some people/parents are willing to go into debt for their children, doesn't mean that conversation should be avoided.
@@Dragiare In my opinion, if a parent is willing to go into debt to get a child, you're just gonna make it harder for you AND your child/children. Everyone knows that raising a child is no cheap endeavor. Clothes, food, diapers, essentials, bedding, toys, strollers, and medical care costs can really add up. And if you're not able to financially back yourself up with that ON TOP of your current living expenses, then you're not ready to have a child.
@@Xolivas1 I agree for the most part. If you are barely getting by, why would you want to put your child through worst than that? I get it. Makes plenty sense. The only counter would be that finances are only half the situation. There are people who have kids that put those kids first, well before their selves. To those who do whatever it takes to keep their family well, you have my respect. To those who have kids as a status symbol despite going down and expecting other to make their lives easier because they have a child, those are the people who shouldn't in my opinion. But that's not the feel i get from the story. I get a wife being forced to have a child by her In-Laws and willing to do anything to get their approval. Which, uh no, if you didn't have their approval and blessing before the baby, before the marriage, or during the dating... Then sorry a baby will not change anything.
@@Dragiare money equality doesn't exist either, when RSlash has a second kid is he gonna keep receipts from his first child to spend exactly the same? What if his second child is born with a disease and he has to spend more on them? Lifes not fair, Rslash has apparently forgotten this
I have a very strong feeling that those hyper-christian family members aim to "save" the baby from "living in sin". They'd spend every possible moment trying to push their way of living on her and most likely still treat op and his wife like crap.
That's conservatives for you. They only focus on issues that make themselves look like saints and steamroll all over the lives of anyone who is able to see the bigger picture and call them out for being such fake and horrible people.
Cancelling a dinner is the first step. If Benjamin doubled down it should be not paying for his license or similar.. After that you ask him if he really wants to gamble his college fund?
The 1st story broke my heart. It wasn't as if he was going to leave her when she was pregnant. He was still going to marry her and the baby would have been born in wedlock. Mary wasn't even married to Joseph yet when she became pregnant with Jesus. They don't deserve to meet that baby. I grew up in a very strict Christian environment but they actively supported my mom getting a divorce from my father and happily supported my cousin who was pregnant before she even married her boyfriend. They have 2 boys and they are now getting married.
For the final story I believe that no matter the situation, the father has a right to choose where to spend the money, the Daughter has no right to just walk in and tell him to change where the money is going, the excuse of "it's your turn" isn't a good one as the In-Laws made the decision and chose to spend so much money on IVF (that failed) when they could've adopted a baby months ago and given that love and care, but they chose to take that option off the table. The son in-law also said they'd pay him back in a few months, but if the IVF works the daughter would need every penny for the baby, so I don't think the father would receive the money back in a few months as they're promising to, meaning he might not get the chance to buy his step-daughter the car for a long time. I agree he should treat both his Daughter and Step-Daughter equally, but his Daughter is a 26 year old woman, married, with both her and her husband potentially having a salary, whereas the 18 year old Step-Daughter probably doesn't have a job and is also heading off to University, it wouldn't be very equal if the Daughter commands her Father where to spend his money
Ngl rslash is one of my favorite youtubers ever but that whole “spending history” bit at the end sounded kinda dumb to me. If the daughter can’t afford her treatments she can’t afford a baby, period, so it was really for the better that OP denied her. He’s been saving up for YEARS to spend his money on one specific thing. If he were to spend it on something else that would’ve been totally wrong. It’s like that one story a while back where OP’s parents saved up money for her wedding but then withdrew it because they found out she was a lesbian. It would’ve been wrong for OP to withdraw the money he had saved for his younger daughter.
I actually understand this. When i was little my parents used to let me and our younger siblings buy cookies in the cafeteria every day and one day my brother asked my dad if he could have a cookie too because he wasn't getting it at the time and my dad said "oh now i don't get to eat now because you want a cookie so here have the money you can have your cookie" and my dad literally wouldn't take the money back. Like in the sense of unfairness that makes sense. I don't disagree that he shouldn't have given the bio daughter the money because how would she raise the baby with so little money but the unfairness is a lot. In my opinion its neglecting one child for the other, moneywise. He's not obligated to give them both equal money but it would be fair.
Thing I don't get and I think a lot of people have been glossy over is, the daughter said that she would be able to pay him back in a few months. But then backtracked and said they already asked for money for treatments from everyone else. Um, how can you repay the money in a few months when you've been asking money from everyone else? Also, why not wait a few months then when *you* have the money?
No disrespect to OP's dad I guess but dying of a heart attack while "passionately hugging" the girl you cheated on your wife with? Good lord that sounds like some massive karma
I’m currently going through IVF. Yes, it is very expensive, and yes I am very very lucky to be in a position we can do this without debt. We have had family members contribute to the cost. BECAUSE THEY OFFERED AND TRUELY WANTED TO. We have never and would never ask for help. This is our potential child and our responsibility. I doubt the daughter would pay it back in a couple months because if she could really come up with the money then she would wait until then.
The 4th/last story Got my curiosity. at first when I read the title I was like "You are a massive piece of" But when I was that It was infertility I was like "Eh, her problem, It's not deadly It's a choice" If they are broke, they shouldn't be having kids
Holy crud. If I was the person who received that gift in story 3, I think I would have burst out crying on the spot. I have no sympathy for that kid who's almost old enough to be a legal adult. He's far more than old enough to understand the consequences for his actions and what he's doing is nothing other than cruel.
With the pregnancy story: I'm not sure bringing a kid in to the world when money is already tight & husband already had a medical condition is best Depending on the extent of the condition, situations may arise that make the child's life more difficult than normal. Is his condition covered by insurance or is it out of pocket? There's more information needed but based on what we know, I think op is right. I don't think his daughter/son-in-law r truly ready for a child.
R/ the last story’s “favoritism” you pointed out doesn’t matter. It’s his money who he wants to spend it on is on him. His Bio daughter is a grown ass woman, her husband is a grown ass dude. If they can’t afford the cost of the procedures they need, they shouldn’t be having a kid. And if they truly want to, they should save up for it. Like the father has for Years.
Op should get a special shirt for his son, one that says "My dad should have wore protection " . Get it for his 18th and get him to open it in front of everyone and when he gets offended say it was just a joke and why is he so upset 😡
Hahaha that would be funny, but then he'd be stooping down to his sons level and teaching him its OK to do it when you're an adult. The kid needs to learn that his behavior is disgusting. Idk. I still chuckled at your comment
The memorial stone story is awesome (not someone dying, of course). I work in a cemetery and legally, no one is allowed to change it except for the wife until she passes away, then OP can change it if she wants. Its ridiculous how many crappy spouses are allowed to design their deceased spouses memorial while the adult children know the truth and can't do a single thing.
Yeah, cheating and abandoning your family is unforgivable, but so is putting that on HIS ACTUAL GRAVESTONE, even if he was a total POS, death that young is still pretty undeserved…
I experienced the first story-vicariously. My fellow Academy friend had his first wife cheat on him with his brother. He decided it was time to move on. I was engaged to the woman I have been married to for 22 years now. I wasn’t a Mormon, he was. He asked me to be his wingman so he didn’t appear stag. I obliged. The available women were on one side of a Ward?-I forget what they call them.-in a gymnasium and the men on the other. He asked who he should approach andI shrugged and pointed out a few. He went a 180 from there. I really didn’t care. So, I met with him at the father’s home with a gaggle of her friends to play board games. Once, that fell aside after me politely rebuffing unwanted attention and attempted proselytizing, the girls fell away and two were on their own. Meanwhile, I got married and was in my dress uniform and he showed up with his at my wedding. I met the woman he was dating after work with my wife. It went quiet for awhile. Soon, he was getting married and the wedding and asked me to attend. They were holding the ceremony at his soon to be wive’s father’s home. I didn’t think much of it, thinking maybe it was a Mormon ceremony I didn’t understand. It wasn’t. She came around the corner extremely pregnant in a white wedding gown. I couldn’t hide my surprise with wide eyes. I just shot him a look like, “You could have clued me in, so I wouldn’t look so surprised.” I wasn’t judging. I don’t insert my values into someone else’s marriages. I never appreciated other people doing that to me.
That last story is cut and dry. He wanted to get his daughter a car, so he should be able to. His older daughter shouldn’t be a mother if her and her husband can’t afford it
@@howiecatslab4684 Gandhi, mother Theresa, John Lennon even bob Marley were all horrible people. I’m sure Jesus would have been terrible had he existed.
@@jebuschrist9161 ehh, not exactly, ghandi's views on the world were certainly kind of backwards, but he is not exactly bad, he certainly didn't abuse his wife, he certainly didn't advocate for the partisian, he certainly didn't say hindus were better than muslims, he didn't adovacte for the apartheid, he fought against it, in fact martin luther king drew upon ghandi as inspiration for his struggles. were his views kind of bad and conservative, yes, but is he bad, no. the whole 'ghandi bad' thing was just propaganda, he wasn't a stand up dude but he was most certainly not a pos, these are all verifiable with a simple history search and source hunting.
@@jebuschrist9161 Don't fall for the same shit people did with Michael Jackson, I'm telling you man, if a man says he enjoys the company of children, he's somehow instantly a pedo. If a woman says it, she's "sweet and motherly", typical double standards. Michael Jackson was too pure for his own good.
Last story, if they can give the money back in a few months, why don't they pay for it a few months later? On the other hand, I think OP had declined chipping in before they mentioned the car money? So he was not willing to spend on the potential grand kid, that was clear.
And the cheating fiancee (more so) and the exs family (less than). They should understand that he was what was written and understand how fair the writing is.
Actually, I think a “best dad ever” shirt could work. If you also paired it with some speech about how he’s already showing the qualities that will make him an amazing dad, and end it with something along the lines of “we’ll all be here with you while you’re going through this.” That’s not at all what he was doing, and we all know it, but still.
I never got the whole “don’t speak ill of the dead” thing. If someone has a whole life of being a shit human being, then why should death change that? And I will say, lily is too young for you to have you deal with the problems that come with older kids but, kids will do what they will do, no matter how good the parent is. Yes, it’s up to them to raise them right, but 1) kids are their own people who may do exactly the opposite of what they were raised to do. And 2) there are LOTS of causes for kids to exhibit less then desirable behavior. Oppositional Defiance Disorder, ADD/ADHD, Antisocial personality disorder. It’s entirely possible that OP did punish his son in the past for his behavior and “jokes” but his son still CHOSE to do what he did. At a certain age, you can’t hold the parent responsible for the behavior of their child. Now, I’m some cases you can, such as abusive parents, but the kid knew better then to give that shirt. And at his age, it’s on him.
OPs parents, “We are known for our decency.” Immediately shows a shocking lack of decency. Me: “you keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.”
@@lpfan4491 the only people that are going to end up visiting the Tombstone are the people that cared about him. They don't need a constant reminder that he did something horrible before he died
@@loneranger7831 That said, it isn't even OP's call. It's the mom's. OP could try to convince the mom, sure, but that's the extent of power they have. Really, as long as it's not lying, I personally have no problem. The guy cheated on his wife with another married woman, and if we are talking about sparing the feelings of another married cheater, I say she has no say in the matter. Do I think that doing this is the right thing to do? No. Deserved? Maybe. I can say that these are the consequences of the man's actions, and the thing about consequences is that they affect everyone in your life, not just you.
@@x0uzumakinaruto0x Yeah it's morally fucked up and taboo since the mom break the death tradition. However, if the family cared they should have bought the grave. In the situation OP is just telling us the story and really isn't involved. It sucks that the family will suffer for their son's consequences though. Overall Mom is legally in the right even though it's morally wrong.
I don't know what you're rambling on about with regards to that last story, but OP is absolutely under NO obligation to help his daughter pay for infertility treatments. Because, as he said, if she's struggling financially now, it's probably not the best time to have a child. And if she's hitting him up for money for treatments, she'll definitely be back if they're successful and have the kid while still in financial dire straits.
7:31 "If she didn't know he was married we can pass her butthole score" Dude the story said that she was married to someone already too and was also cheating
Stand your ground OP on the family casting them out of their lives. The wife doesn't understand that they disrespectful to her and your daughter. Set an example for stay true to your word and their word.
rSlash really dropped the ball on the last story. He's wrong for placing priority on the biological daughter over a step daughter. Being in a split family I also don't see my child or my wife's child as different. They are just my children. Being a parent doesn't mean becoming an accountant to "balance the spreadsheet" between kids. As far as the actual issue it sounds like the toxicity of the in laws is really driving this conflict. It took me until my 30's to have my daughter but at no time did I ever feel I was entitled to money from my family to help me with having my daughter. The entire inlaw family is entitled and have jacked up priorities when only blood children matter
He really dropped the ball for most of this episode. Literally got mad with story 1, because I'm basically in the exact same situation as that family. His family reminded me of my dad's family (my dad's story was a bit worse cause they were "good Christians" yet beat my dad to a bloody pulp and he had to go to the school nurse every time to get fixed, even with bones sticking out and stuff.) who instantly called my sisters and I bastards and my mom a wh*re and never once came to meet us and then got mad cause we wouldn't pay for them to live once we grew up; yet they never once apologized for what they did. Once his tyrant parents stopped harassing us and both died from health complications, my dad's brothers and sisters came to apologize and atone and now, 31 years later, I'm finally meeting my dad's family.
@@oldladytrexarms watched a few from around this to 6 months ago and it seems like a common them that they go overboard and into nonsense like the last story or aren't harsh enough against some.
I replied on another comment with this but I had to bring this up again I actually understand this. When i was little my parents used to let me and our younger siblings buy cookies in the cafeteria every day and one day my brother asked my dad if he could have a cookie too because he wasn't getting it at the time and my dad said "oh now i don't get to eat now because you want a cookie so here have the money you can have your cookie" and my dad literally wouldn't take the money back. Like in the sense of unfairness that makes sense. I don't disagree that he shouldn't have given the bio daughter the money because how would she raise the baby with so little money but the unfairness is a lot. In my opinion its neglecting one child for the other, moneywise. He's not obligated to give them both equal money but it would be fair.
I’ve Always Questioned Rslash’s Definition Of A Prank. Nobody Needs To Laugh For It To Be A Prank. It’s Literally A Mischievous Act. That Would Mean Chair Pulling Would Not Be Be A Prank UNLESS Someone Laughed.
For the last story: I actually get where rSlash is coming from. Hear me out. My mom has made relatively good money her ENTIRE LIFE. However, when I was a kid she decided that she wanted to be young and free, spending most of her money on bowling tournements, pool torurnements, drugs, alcohol, and replacing any and all appliances that she broke in whatever tantrum she would have during her benders. (I'm talking anywhere between literally throwing a remote through our livingroom tv because she didn't like the outcome of Maury or Dr. Phil to going from 40 to 130 in a residental area, uphill, so she could try to ram someone that cut her off before they got to a light. I was in the car when that happened) I grew up in a house that was ludicrusly small, but looked really nice when we first moved into it. My mom, over time, neglected it and everything just started to fall about at the seams. It's foundation was sinking, so for a good portion of while I lived with her there was a large hole at the bottom of the wall and the floor in our livingroom. She would miss bills and would constantly blame me when the cops got called on us because her and her boyfriend would fight constantly. I was her first kid, and she would always tell me that not only did she wish she never had kids, but she hated that I looked like my father. Then she had two kids with her boyfriend. They're seven years younger than me, and we've only now started to get close. When I lived there, I was usually the "second parent" so we weren't always on good terms, but I would give them all the food that I could, as well as blankets and pillows, jackets and shirts, and even socks that I knew wouldn't be circulating in the house. My mom had me living in poverty for the majority of my life. Meanwhile, after I left, she started to "clean up her act" and started going out and doing all these amazing traveling adventures with my younger siblings. I had always told my mom that I wanted to go see the twin towers (when they were up) and a few months ago she took my siblings to see the memorial. She takes them to games and concerts like it's nothing. When I was in college, I reached out to my mom after five years to ask her to help me with rent money because I was inbetween jobs. I was living on my own and things were hard to deal with since I didn't really know how to do anything in real life. She berated me about how I abandoned her and my siblings, but gave me the money only so she could lord it over me. I eventually made enough money to pay her back and told her I would never ask her for help again. My sister is currently in college and my mom offered to pay for her tuition and dorm fees. She tells her that she can always ask her for money and that she'll do anything to help her! With my brother, she lets him do whatever he wants and never criticises him when he changes sports or hobbies, but whe I was younger I had to beg her to let me get an insttrument so that I could play violin! My brother sticks with a sport or hobby for less than two or three months at a time while I played violin for 12 years. I wouldn't say that she spoiled my younger siblings, and I don't think they're at fault for her behavior. They're just getting a mom I never had. She always told me how much she was in love with their dad, despite knowing how she talked about mine to me. She would compare me to my siblings and tell me that I should be more like them instead of just loving me. I honestly think that, yes, in the last story the dad was showing favoritism. He said that it took him years to save up 10-13k, but something about that specific time frame without giving a real reason make it sound like virtue signalling to me. Even if it did, why would the biological sister think that he had the money to help if he wasn't well off. She might have offered to use the sister's car fund because she knew that it actually DIDN'T take him years to pull that money together (allegedly). And his consitant "there's a high likelihood that it might not work" and "are you even ready to have a kid right now" is such a slap in the face of someone who clearly wants to have a family of their own. No one is ever ready for kids! Some people might say "Oh, your mom figured out what was important in life and is just trying to give your siblings a better life than what you grew up now that she's better" and I get why you'd think that. However, she's still an alcoholic and still compares me to my siblings to this day. The only thing that changed was that I was out of the picture. She even told me once I was gone that she "cut drugs out" of her life because she needed the money. But when I was 13 and begging her to quit, sobbing at her feet that she was actively hurting my mind with everything, and telling her that I wouldn't lie to CPS anymore so that we can stay with someone else she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Do you think that's going to stop me?" I firmly believe that she loves me less because of my dad, and she loves them more because she was actually in love with theirs. Both guys are the worst btw, but that's neither here nor there. Sometimes parents have favorites and it's just... painfully obvious.
Right? The church also opposes abortion and single moms. What solution did they want? This was the right choice for OP to make. They are clearly happy together, and I wish their daughter the best growing up.
The problem is, those AREN'T church values. (Raised Presbyterian, currently Daoist) So many people assume hatefulness is part of Christianity, but the Bible states that all people should be loved and cared for. Even those who do not believe, and people like me who were "raised by the word of God, but turned away" as that's terrible. I can't quote the verse, but true Christians try to be understanding and caring. It's just these hateful people that turns their image toxic.
@@DarcOne13 They clearly just didn't want them to f*ck before marriage, but their logic mystifies me too. They specifically seemed against marrying a pregnant woman, which...seems like a weird second layer? Like, the kid is going to happen anyways. Might as well still marry.
They chose to start a family, They chose to keep trying, after learning it would be difficult & expensive. They chose to use one of the most expensive methods to get there. They don't have the right to expect someone else to pay for their choice. Her body her choice & His money his choice
