Honestly, if I was the tour guide in the first story; I would have kicked the boyfriend out of the tour with no refund. He was a clear danger to the entire group. People die all the time doing stupid stuff near the edges of the Grand Canyon.
I was going to say this. My cousin had her honeymoon there and 2 separate people fell over while they were there. One person was lucky and they caught him right on the way over. The other person didn't make it.
@@Floofy_3421 it kinda scared me. Im older and have always wanted to go to the grand canyon but I am horribly afraid of heights. I do work hard to not let it interfere with things tho. I've been up the sears tower 3 times lol. But I would be willing to go anyhoo. But if my boyfriend tried to prank my biggest fear. Id have pushed him off instead lol
@@Emeraldwitch30 "the Tour guide separated us & took me back to their office & I have no idea what he di after that". Yeah, if I can make a guess, he punched in the face that jerk of your (I hope) ex boyfriend
I can confirm, as someone with Acrophobia and Automatonophobia, and have been pranked with both of these as a target, it is terrifying when you experience these up close, one of my friends stopped using these as pranking material after I refused to talk to him for 3 months until he finally gave me a genuine apology
I agree, I am someone who love to startle people by jumping out or panking someone. However if someone has a phobia of any kind that I know of, I take it seriously and remove it from any startling and pranking I do to them or anyone else around them. @jake omahoney Phobias are an anxiety disorder that causes excessive fear towards their Phobia(s). From the 6 or so people with Phobias I have talked to. Mainly the Phobia seem (to me) to be a trigger to some kind of past trauma of theirs. Whether or not they remember the cause. If the fear is able to be rationalized or not form their view. It is best to be aware of those around you and avoid triggering other's Phobias. Fear is the mind-killer.
First OP definitely isn't an asshole. Aside from the whole potentially risking her life, her boyfriend intentionally triggered her phobia and a panic attack for a joke? That's sociopathic shit.
I couldn't agree more. I'm pretty sure cruel & unreasonable torture was one of few things outlawed by the Geneva Conventions, right? What an absolute knob-jockey; dude deserves to be lonely and OP deserves better friends. How ANYONE can think OP is "overreacting" to a "prank" when the "prank" wasn't even remotely funny is beyond me. >.>
@@bluestreaker9242 I think most of the friends taking her bf’s side don’t have the full story. He probably changed it to make himself look better. She even said that she didn’t tell them her side of the story. I bet they’d be pissed at him if they knew what ACTUALLY happened.
How DARE that family. OP just had a baby, if the family is claiming to be traditional OP shouldnt have to get out of bed for anything other than going to the bathroom and to feed the baby. The family is supposed to handle all the chores, MIL should be cooking and cleaning (including special meals for mom that are supposed to help milk production and healing) and the men should be handling everything else, including changing/bathing/playing with the baby.
This, as this doesn’t have anything to do with being traditional. My family does a very similar thing to what you described after anyone in the family goes birth. They try to help the mother out for a while after child birth. I’d bet if the husband’s family found out how he decided to surprise her by doing more work like that, they’d be pissed. It makes me wonder if the husband talks badly about his wife to his parents.
When my sister gave birth she had to have a c-section so she could barely even bathe herself, let alone take care of the house. Her husband's work schedule was all over the place at the time and he already had two older kids that live with them which made things even more difficult. So for the first couple months our mom and her husband's mom took turns staying there for a week at a time so they could help with everything. They did all the cooking and cleaning and caring for the other kids so all she had to do was take care of the baby and herself. And after those couple months they made sure that the freezer was well stocked with enough prepared meals to last for several more weeks. It's mind boggling to expect a new parent to play host at the last minute and demand things from them. Poor OP has an awful husband and in-laws.
4th story: That is plain old sexism. Expecting a full meal when 1. Op is tired from the baby, 2. Wasn't expecting guests and 3. Compromised by suggesting take-out. But no, they want a feast to come out of the blue. 3/5 buttholes
The "feast training" should have been a dead giveaway what kind of toxicity this girl was getting into. Given how openly sexist these assholes are I'm kinda amazed OP hadn't seen the red flags sooner. Sucks that a baby is now apart of the whole situation and has a shitty dad
As an Asian it's borderline offensive to ask for a traditional feast from a recently Delivered woman. Yes the women who do that regardless score some extra points in the eyes of in laws, but it's the in laws who come to help with the baby as respect and gratitude for the mother.
The mac n cheese story had me fuming. I'm Asian and I absolutely LOVE mac n cheese. It's simple, comforting, filling, delicious, and those snooty in-laws called OP 'inappropriate' for serving them mac n cheese? How about showing up at someone's house before getting consent from both of the host? How about bringing something for the host, especially when the host is their daughter-in-law who recently gave birth to their grandchild? So ungrateful.
Yeah, at that point in time, you come over to offer some help and relief to the new parents. Asia is big though, and it is possible that they come from a more conservative and traditionally patriarchal country. Granted, to my knowledge most of Asia has a very patriarchal history but that can be said for most of the world. Even the willingness to change is varied across cultures.
Can I ask what country? I was taught never to offer Asians dairy products or expect them in Asian restaurants because of the prevalence of lactose intolerance among Asian adults. I must admit a certain fondness for Japanese pizza with eggplant, potatoes, and mayo.
@@Ikajo I don’t know what shaming the women in Asia for going along with it does about the culture in there. I also doubt that the parents would be happy if they found out that their son decided to invite them at a time when his wife is beyond exhausted. I’ve seen how crazy an Asian mother can get with their husbands sometimes, and any Asian women would just downright yell at their husband if they tried that.
@@josephwisniewski3673 It's not a cultural thing in an Asian country (I think), but in my opinion it's just common courtesy to show appreciation to the host. And the in-laws needs to know better, like it's totally fine too if you don't bring anuthing with you but they shouldn't be so surprised and offended when OP made them a simple, non-traditional, American dinner. They should be more understanding of OP's condition, it's that simple.
@@josephwisniewski3673 I’m guessing India. I’m Asian. In my culture (Also the Chinese), relatives would come over to help the new mom by cooking and doing laundry and help take care of the baby so the mom could sleep. I can’t imagine the Japanese doing this because they would never impose themselves on anyone.
He KNEW about the phobia, probably knows that deaths at the Grand Canyon occur, and still went ahead with this? I wouldn't have blamed her for slinging his ass over the edge. Now he can't do that to his next girlfriend.
Not hights, my phobia are spiders. But, where I would've paniced as a kid, today I would first squash the spider, next shove my fist down the persons throat.
^^^ This right here. Especially given OP just had a baby and is dealing with the stress of it [feeding,sleep deprivation and seldom time to do anything like shower] she made mac n cheese from scratch which is a quick yet very delicious meal when she wasn't told anything specific to cook. The cheek on them for getting offended and the cheek on the husband for getting angry at his emotionally and physically exhausted wife who just gestated a baby from her body. That man should be helping her and pampering her right now,not the other way around. Both partners need to be proactive when it comes to childcare.
She’s exhausted, overwhelmed, and totally not expecting visitors. And they want food, not just a quick snack, but a culture based feast when she never had time to prepare or shop for ingredients. And hubby nixes the idea of ordering some food for delivery. Yeah, no. Bring family or friends to the house without telling hubby and tell him you want traditional Easter ham - full dinner, or thanksgiving turkey meal and refuse to allow for takeout compromise. Wonder if he’ll get the point.
@in desperate need of a scotch Not only that, It threw me for a loop when OP mentioned that she was forced to learn how to cook a traditional feast. Had to pause the video just to make sure that I heard that right. Literally gobsmacked. If that's how they act with OP now, I have a feeling that they're going to be the controlling kind of grandparents to the baby. "OP, you should be cooking this instead of chicken nuggets. Because it'll be culturallly healthier for them." "OP, you should be doing this instead of that, because that's what we do in our culture." Blah blah blah. OP really...REALLY needs to nip this in the butt now before it gets out of hand later on.
@@Xolivas1 Just FYI, the expression is to nip something in the bud, not butt. Agree with the sentiment, though. This family is demanding and overbearing and this incident is just a hint of things to come if OP doesn't stand her ground now.
Mac and cheese story is just simply weird to me. How could the husband invite people over without even telling the wife. And it's okay to expect a home cooked meal, but at the same time the husband should've taken the lead. He could cook it, or at the very least take every other responsibility over from the wife so she could make it.
guess here the "cultural" aspect of the whole mess is more relevant than anyone seems to notice. It's clear from OP's words that her husband and his family have a clear misoginistic view on life, where the wife is expected to slave away at every need of her family. Huuuuuuuge red flag. He gives you the cold shoulder? Serve him the divorce papers.
There was probably some old-fashioned cultural taboo there. Since the husband is Asian, I assume the taboo is that the woman must be the one in charge of making the meals, regardless of circumstances.
@@DarkEinherjar While I think you are probably correct (I don't know personally). The biggest thing in this situation is surprising the wife with a visit and then expecting her to be prepared for a visit she didn't even know about. This goes beyond culture this is just plain insane and toxic. You do the best with the knowledge you have and sadly OP had no warning this was happening.
The story about the husband’s family showing up unexpectedly to see OP’s baby: she wasn’t expecting to have guests, and asking someone who just went through a pregnancy and gave birth a month prior to make them a “traditional home cooked meal” is extremely rude, offensive, and drives up the butthole score. Those parents get an easy 4/5 buttholes, with the husband getting 3.5/5.
bold of them to pull the asian card when across asian cultures it's impolite to show up to the likes of post-partum family member without gifts, food, or fruits.
Fourth story : Heard that one before. He invited them, he knew you were exhausted. He's not lifting a finger to help. If he wants to serve them any sort of specific food, he can cook. Like you said OP, you didn't sign up to have them show up unannounced to you when he invited them without telling you. NTA. Husband is the disrespectful one, toward you, the person he should be siding with.
She hid the baby for 1 month. This is also weird. My and my wife's parents would also show up univited. Are Americans really that egoistic? And no way I would serve my wife's parents just Mac and Cheese. How exhausted can you be after 1 month? The only weird thing is that he seems not to have helped at all or that he was against ordering food. I also thought that the rslash guy has a Asian wife. Would he serve them Mac and Cheese or the leftover pizza from last night? This is an absolute no go in Asian countries from the middle east to Japan
@@hasatamashi He doesn't cook. The house is a mess, so he doesn't clean. We can make an educated inference that he's also not helping with childreering (as that is 'traditionally' a woman's job). She just grew a human for 9~10 months, then pushed it out OR underwent SURGERY. Regardless, it was an exhausting birth if a month after the fact she's still struggling with basic tasks like showering. That's not including the potential for post-partum depression. So how exhausted? Incredibly. You wouldn't serve your wife's parents mac and cheese but you also wouldn't have just gone through pregnancy and childbirth. If he wanted something special, he could have prepared the food. Furthermore, grandparents are not obligated to time with baby. We're in the middle of a global pandemic. If mom is too tired, too nervous, or just wants private bonding time with baby, grandparents can wait. It's not like baby knows the difference, anyways.
@@kathryn-anon i agree with you that he could have prepared the food, cleaned and everything. However, the grandparents are also excited to see the newborn and why should i take their joy for no reason. This is I guess a different mindset between more self-centered Americans and family-orientated Asians. They waited more than 1 month! Which is insane for us. It's not like the grandparents are around 24/7 and bothering the young family.
1st Story: OP is NOT wrong for reacting so negatively. What kind of partner thinks it's okay to make fun of their other partners phobia anyway! This wasn't just a small prank either, he tried to shove her off a damn cliff! In no way is that okay and to say it's a prank is going way too far. A prank means you'd be laughing but op clearly explained multiple times before their fear of heights so their boyfriend knew this would scare her. He's immature and deserves to be called out. No wonder his ex dumped him.
rSlash said it a dozen of times, a prank is only funny if everyone is laughing. But if only YOU are laughing, that's not a prank, it's just you being a AH bully. But I agree, the boyfriend took it way too far with the prank that's not even funny, and is in fact, life-threatening.
That and we don't know what distorted version of the story he told their mutual friends, or even if the reason he told OP why his ex broke up with him is even the real one. He sounds like a abusive and manipulative douche; OP really should dump him aswell, and if he tries to make shit up since they work at the same place, be ready to tell HR everything so he's the one who gets in trouble for retaliation and creating a toxic workplace.
To be fair, the husband/father in that story is absolutely demented if he thinks that he has any claim to being right in the situation. He cheated, knocked up his mistress, and attempted to use his ex-wife as a babysitter. And then has the clearly nonexistent balls to demand respect when he’s shown none to his ex-wife or OP. Bastard deserves to be on blast, full stop.
@in desperate need of a scotch Right. Coz relationship status is the only criteria for an r/niceguy's abuse. And I'm trying to wrap my brain around your logic that she'd deserve that kind of treatment/lack of respect for _any_ reason. Like, sorry what?? This is literal victim blaming "she asked for it" bs
@in desperate need of a scotch You seem to start your comments with empathy ...and then end them with some skewed judgemental projection that is seriously icky. I'm done with this convo.
Oh yeah, the older brother is definitely a “nice guy“. He the way he tried to “slide“ into the middle of a relationship his younger sibling had, and then to suddenly just start throwing insults because the girl, in a relationship, didn’t want anything to do with him? Really radiates with that “alpha male” neck beard energy.
@in desperate need of a scotch there’s nothing wrong with an open relationship. Being bashed for it is an unfortunate option, but it’s not an actual consequence, nor is it warranted. She IS a victim.
Second Story: As an Asian, I may not Mac and Cheese, but I won't force my culture on anyone. I'm dating an American girl and she's disgusted by fish....I eat fish everyday especially when I was a kid when we couldn't even afford anything. Plus, it's incredibly stupid of them to not be unconditional to how the wife feels. My sister just had her baby months ago (Cesarian) and she's still tired from it! No, these people are pure jerks, forcing people to like what they like. This is not normal, this is stupid. The OP 1000% in the right. Racist to our culture, my butt.
First OP: I'd raise the bf's rating to a 5/5 because he exploited her biggest fear, then is obviously on a smear campaign against her to their mutual friends knowing that she doesn't have social media in order to defend herself. She went above and beyond to not just leave him stranded, which if anything was on her cards or in her name she would have a right to (such as her card for the hotel or rental car).
To the woman who just had the baby…his mother, knowing that she’s a first time mom, and how hard it could be…should have brought dinner to HER and let her have a real meal, a shower, maybe even a nap!
First story, absolutely not the butthole. A prank is only funny when it’s made in good fun and everyone can laugh and no harm done. The boyfriend is a huge butthole for making a joke out of a legit fear. Laughing at something that you know causes someone genuine distress is not only inconsiderate but also unloving. I feel so bad for OP. My ex husband used to do that to me all the time on every hiking trail on high edges no matter how many times I tried to avoid getting in that situation again with him. He would see an opportunity and literally drag me to it and he’d laugh while I literally had one heel gripping the edge and I was screaming for him to stop. And his friends did nothing. Then he’d start yelling at me that I have no idea how to take a joke and that ppl wouldn’t like me if I can’t take something “like that” as funny. He was an abusive narcissistic sociopath and ppl like that have no empathy for anyone. OP is better off without him just like his ex is better off without him. Her saying what she said to him in public was nothing compared to what HE did to her in public and how he scolded her in public for her very real fear. Also in both my case and her case, how is re-enacting a way that ppl have actually died from considered funny??? Where is the joke?? Factor that in and think of how disrespectful that is.
I had an epic prank pulled on me once and the memory still makes me laugh even though it was many years ago. I was 16 and got obsessed with classic Corvette Stingrays. As a joke, I put getting one on my Christmas wishlist that year. Come Christmas morning, stockings and gifts under the tree are all open. One of my cousins told me there was 1 more gift for me but it was outside in the driveway. Curious I went out to look, wondering if holy cow did my family actually rent me a Corvette??!?! Sitting in the driveway was a shining new Corvette! Matchbox Car! I burst out laughing, tears in my eyes, stomach cramps, unable to talk or breathe laughing! THAT’S a prank. What that guy did was cruel.
Right! I feel like if someone is going to use the "It's just a prank!" excuse then they should have to explain how it is "funny" because that phrase is overused to cover up cruel actions. If you can't tell someone the "joke" then it is not a "joke"...
Grand Canyon Story: Apart from everything already said by rSlash: People who argue with "just a joke" in these type of situations plainly come off as sociopathic to me. Like - you already KNEW yor gf wouldn't be able to see / take it as a joke. There's NO WAY you can pull that excuse off. Secondly - is the severe psychological distress and possible physical danger (even if she wasn't that close to the edge - there's no telling what ppl will do in a panic!) Of your s.o. really, really worth "a joke"?? If you already knew she probably wouldn't find it funny, who did you do that for?? The other tourists?? Yourself?? - Sociopathic behviour imo. OP, get rid of the guy. You deserve better.
Story 1: You see when it comes to reddit, a lot of my 'dump them now' judgements do not come from the bad thing the partner did....Oh no, it's for when they double down on the thing they did. It sends a clear message they don't think they did anything wrong and that you're the bad guy for having the AUDACITY to be upset at the thing they did. He could've apologized because 'Oh right, I just gave my girlfriend a panic attack by pretending to throw her off a cliff, which she confided in me with', but he didn't, he loses it on her for ''embarrassing him''. Story 2: Yeaaaah I've seen multiple couples with differences in appearance, and not for the money. So if EVERY single person you try and get with is avoiding you like the plague, trust me, it's not your looks that's the problem. Sebastian strikes me as really pathetic and creepy. Story 3: The affair was already an automatic divorce right there. Men and women, if you're ever to take anything to heart, let it be this: If you're forgiven for cheating, you have been given way more good will than you could ever possibly deserve, so DO NOT make any demands of your partner...ever. Especially regarding your affair children.
Yeah a lot of the times rSlash throws in that 'I know a lot of people immediately jump to go the divorce/break up route, but maybe you can salvage this', like, no, rSlash, about 80% of these stories there is no redemption arc. These people do things they should know through common sense *not* to do, but because they need to have the moral high ground, they do them anyway and then shrug going "I just did what I thought was right, how am I the asshole?" when what they 'thought was right' ends up being something awful that is absolutely not redeemable *most* of the time. We as humans make mistakes all the time, it's a learning process, you don't know what's wrong until you do it and get smacked for it. However, there are a lot of things that are obvious 'do not do's' that people completely ignore the obvious negative result of to do anyway. You shouldn't have to be told to not do something that should be common sense like "do not cheat on your S/O", if you have to be told not to do something like that, then you weren't worth catching in the first place.
Re: story one, absolutely. Like the situation may have been salvageable if he had immediately realized he fucked up, apologized, and comforted his gf. But noooo he decided to yell at her and double down WHILE she was actively having a panic attack. Not someone I would want in my life.
@@holyfreakinBLEACH "Oh, you're having a panic attack because I almost threw you off a cliff, and if I slipped you literally would've died?! God! Why can't you just get over it?! You're embarrassing me!" It's almost comedically evil, except it isn't funny, even a little bit under any circumstances. I agree, the dude deserves _zero_ sympathy, and should be ostracized immediately. Even if she didn't have a phobia of heights, that would've been a _BIG_ no-no. Absolutely inexcusable.
For the macaroni and cheese story: there is so much wrong with this story, specifically the husband and the in-laws. You can’t spring in unexpected visit on your spouse, and then on top of that expect them to create an extravagant meal, all while they’re dealing with taking care of a child, which in and of itself is a full time thing. Then, when OP actually prepares something, anything on short notice, the reaction from everyone else is to get offended? And then rant about how it’s wrong to serve them something that isn’t specifically tailored to their tastes? And to top it all off, what in the hell is wrong with these in-laws to be offended over mac & cheese? Mac & cheese is fucking delicious! And for the husband out right side with the in-laws, knowing full well that 0P is dealing with everything that they are… These are red flags on top of red flags. If this sort of behavior continues, they should definitely be out the door sometime soon.
It's literally impossible for Op to be the asshole even if you don't have a fear of heights you don't expect people to try and push you off into the Grand canyon the only thing I disagree with with op on the fact she left the boyfriend and without making it clear this relationship is over because I think I'll be needs to break up with a boyfriend who was willing to throw her Grand canyon even for a "joke"
Honestly I experienced that almost 3 years ago because I was at la ronde with my friends to see fireworks and have fun but I am really scared of thunderstorms and my « friend » laugh at me because I was really anxious because there was a thunderstorm’s coming and I wanted to get in one of the restaurants to be safe and he was like « you’re ridiculous blah blah blah blah » and I was mad at him for saying that
I think ANYONE would panic if someone threatened to push them off a cliff, height phobia or not. Even if you don't have a phobia of heights, you know that falling off a cliff would kill you and it's healthy to have a fear of that scenario.
@@Laz3rCat95 yeah honestly the Grand Canyon looks amazingly beautiful but scary at the same time because if you’re too close from the edge you fall and die that’s terrifying
@@sophietremblay3795 it's awful that you're scared of thunderstorms. They literally one of my favorite things. But for awhile a few years back, I was TERRIFIED of them because we had started getting tornado watches and warnings (Connecticut doesn't get tornadoes) and for about two years I was terrified of them. Then one day, the fear disappeared and I went back to loving them. My Dad would sit on the porch and watch thunderstorms when I was a kid, that's why I love them so much.
@@sophietremblay3795 I'm not particularly scared of heights, but I do get dizzy if I'm on a deck or rooftop and I'm near the edge. Feels like I'm falling off when I'm 5 feet from the edge...
Story 5: This guy has the gall to say it's the wife's fault even though HE was the one who betrayed her. And just because it's been 10 years, doesn't mean she has to forgive her. That scar is going to remain there for life, and there some things where you just cannot forgive. 100% NTA, but the ex husband is 150% TA.
He's just being a baby because she's standing up for herself and he doesn't like it. I can bet if she ever cheated on him he'd hold it over her constantly, despite the fact he cheated with her friend whilst she was in hospital almost at deaths doors. some people are so ignorant to their own crappy behaviours that they think it's not a big deal no matter how much they hurt and betray someone. They'd rather blame everyone and anyone else instead of owning up to it. He'll probably end up alone one day, and he'll only have himself to blame.
As someone who gets panic attacks, let me describe what it's like (at least for me). Your chest feels heavy, your throat feels like it's swollen up to the point where you can't breathe, you're crying so much that your face gets red from wiping your tears, your heart beats so quickly that you're sure you're gonna die, your body tenses up so much that it hurts, and when it's over the exhaustion that happens is the most humiliating thing - you get so exhausted that your body refuses to do anything while your mind is still panicking about the trigger *AND* you're worrying about being basically paralyzed. I cannot possibly imagine someone who claims to love someone and yet causes them this misery. I hope OP got out of that relationship.
I've had them before and everything you've said is 100% spot on except instead of a heavy feeling it always felt like my heart was gonna tear itself out of my chest
Third story: I’m really appreciative of the fact that OP doesn’t blame the kid but also isn’t going to get rid of animals. Abandoning animals is an awful thing to do unless there’s no alternative and it sounds like OP has offered alternatives
I agree with the Comment rSlash read. "Keep the Dogs, get rid of the Husband" The husband clearly doesnt care about his Relationship with her if hes not Supporting her
I have three dogs, two of them are seniors the oldest being 11 and the middle being 9, they are my babies and have had them basically since they were born, if my husband cheated on me, then demanded I get rid of MY babies, he would be on the curb so fast
Grand canyon story: As someone with bad anxiety, I would have left too. Screw that. On top, it's not like he apologized. 4/5 buttholes, what a horrible "joke" when hes most likely seen what heights do to her.
*First OP:* As someone who’s afraid of heights, I’m surprised OP let her boyfriend live. What if the prank backfired!? OP is NTA. *Second OP:* I wonder if OP’s “ex” posted the text messages on r/NiceGuys? That’d be interesting, lol. Anywho, OP is NTA. *Third OP:* I feel bad for the kid because he didn’t ask to be born. Having said that, none of this would’ve happened if OP’s husband hadn’t cheated on OP. OP offered reasonable options for her husband so he can continue to see his son. OP is NTA. *Fourth OP:* Instant Mac & Cheese is fine, but _baked_ Mac & Cheese? Yum. Back on topic: OP did what her husband -asked- demanded of her. If he and his family didn’t like it, then the husband should’ve cooked dinner. If that goes against culture, then the in-laws should’ve scheduled a time that works for OP, who’s NTA. LOL at rSlash calling them jerkw4ds (censoring just in case) unironically! *Fifth OP:* OP’s dad is trashy af. How do you miss your kid’s birthday party because you were taking your wife’s friend - with whom you’re _cheating on your wife_ - to her _ultrasound_ ? Then you lie and said you attended a friend’s funeral!? Not only did OP and his mistress betray OP’s mom’s trust, they betrayed OP’s trust too. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP UPDATE:* WOW. 5/5 BHs is not enough for OP’s SD and his side piece. I hope all the lids of their food containers go missing.
That last story, that dad clearly didn't want a life partner. He wanted a guarantee baby birther. As much as OP's mom is hurting, I'm glad she's staying strong in distancing herself from that horrible man.
I wouldn't get rid of the dogs either. They were more loyal than the husband, and have every right to stay, especially since dogs can be just as cherished as children. If I were the OTHER WOMAN I'd be making as few waves as possible in order to keep the peace, this mistress is insanely entitled to demand that from someone who is being VERY forgiving and letting the kid have the father in their life so openly. If they can't respect OP's generosity than they can spend their money on a dog-free location for visitation.
Agreed. The dogs should stay and the wife is going above and beyond to welcome this child into their lives and their family. I have a suspicion that the mistress is not just entitled. Maybe she is also seeking to put a huge wedge between the couple again so that she can have OP's husband more fully back in her (the mistress's) life, by breaking him up with OP.
Third story : Yeah, that husband can consider himself lucky you even considered keeping him that long. After what he did, the dogs are way above him and his love child on the social ladder inside the house.
If OP in the mac n cheese story went to the country of those parents and refused to eat the food because it’s not American I’m sure they wouldn’t be so happy about it.
Is there a food that is uniquely toxic to Americans? One fact most Americans are unaware of is that approximately 85% of Asian adults are lactose intolerant. It varies from 100% of South Koreans to 73% of Japanese. (Gotta love the Japanese: they will look at you funny for wanting cheese on your pizza, but will happily put a tuna and mayo pizza on the menu, along with tomato and eel, plum with squid ink sauce, or the surprisingly good mayo, eggplant, and potato pizza). Did the husband or his family inform that wife (at some point well before she exhausted from just having a kid) why you don’t serve Asians mac and cheese?
@@josephwisniewski3673 Lactose intolerance actually affects people of all races, but there's a genetic mutation that benefited groups of white people in particular which allowed many of them to digest lactose. That's why there are less lactose intolerant people in western cultures than elsewhere. And there's probably not a real close parallel in terms of finding a food that is toxic to Americans and not other groups but there is a small but sizeable portion of Americans who are allergic to seafood and/or nuts, both of which are common ingredients in Asian cuisine.
Let's not forget: she didn't invite them, he did. She suggested ordering food, he insisted she make it. All three of them are selfish and entitled and imposing on a woman too tired to even clean the house, which is why she didn't want them coming over yet.
It’s funny, I made it, just like this. And then I did a little bit of looking; turns out apparently some Chinese and Asian cultures don’t like cheese. Either the smell, taste, or the fact that they rarely use it in there cuisine. Having said that, when someone is serving you food, on short notice, and have been dealing with taking care of a child for a month? Beggars can’t be choosers. Or at least they shouldn’t be, and yet here we are.
I absolutely hate heights, and I went with my husband‘s family to the Grand Canyon. The guys thought it was funny to pretend to fall in, landing on lower ledges that I couldn’t see. This gave me so much anxiety that I had to go wait by the car. OPs mutual friends are calling her out because they have only heard his likely HIGHLY edited version of what happened.
First story: im getting ahead of myself and im sure im gonna want to comment on the other stories, but this reminds me of an ACTUAL true story of a man who died at the grand canyon while trying to prank his daughter. He was hiding to scare her slipped and actually fell. You do NOT mess around at the grand canyon and this idiot could have actually killed her if things had gone wrong. That being said op needs to stand up for herself amd set the record straight. Though it really doesn't matter what others think of her bc she knows her truth, this man needs to be exposed for who he really is. An immature, dangerous, rude, manipulative, lying scum bag.
1st Story: Isn’t the name “psycho b*tch” usually reserved for ex gfs who won’t leave their ex bfs alone? If anything the boyfriend is the real psycho. I don’t see how flipping out over almost dying is psycho behavior.
Third story: NTA. There are things called “allergy medicine”, (I know because I used to take it) and the kid doesn’t always have to be in the same room as the dogs.
@@X3n0nym0us I'm allergic to grass pollen, in Sweden, the pollen season tend to be pretty intense due to how short it is. Grass in particular is active during June. It can be so bad I can't even go outside. Which isn't funny when you live in a country with darkness and cold for well over half of the year.
Desensitize therapy exists. Exposure to small amounts of allergens over time can lessen reactions. Also some people can seem allergic to things they’ve never been exposed to before just because it is new to you and your body doesn’t know how to respond. There’s options out there....just saying.
Story 1: I would imagine the (hopefully) ex-bf took advantage of you not talking to your friends about it to craft a false narrative. I hope OP tells those “friends” what really went down and find out what he told them.
That first story could have gone wrong in so many ways. That is so not fucking okay. There are slopes, spots you can trip, spots you can end up sliding down, etc. The Grand Canyon is dangerous. Hell, fear aside it’s STILL not okay. It’s not an overreaction to be angry and leave him when he does that and then DOESN’T EVEN APOLOGIZE. Lord almighty what a piece of work.
People need to realize that if your spouse cheats on you then you are not obligated to do anything for them from that point on. They are no longer trusted and should be treated as such.
That's pushing it, it was an horrible prank but he didn't have intention of actually killing her, and you can only charge someone with attempted murder if you can prove they really had the intention of commiting the crime
After looking the title just for sec I already knew that the boyfriend was going to be the type of person that would say something like " iT wAs JuSt A pRaNk" or "It WaS jUsT a JoKe" after doing something really,REALLY bad
She was the asshole. Both were. He - for his stupid prank, and her for bringing his ex relationship into the argument. Imagine the bf told her "Yeah, thats why your ex dumped you, coz you dont deserve to be loved" or something like that.
Story 4: I’m from a Vietnamese household and it is EXTREMELY RUDE to expect or demand food which is not given or served to you in the first place. I have to be grateful for what I get regardless of what’s been served, and demand nothing else. I am a guest, and therefore need to be respectful and mindful, regardless what my relationship is with the person. I don’t know what cultural background the husband and his family is from, but they are for sure being entitled assholes and need a slap across the head for the treatment of OP. And from a lot of Asian households I’ve been to, it’s usually more polite to BRING food or something to share with the family of the house you are visiting anyway.
There's also a better solution for the allergic kid: he could start taking allergy shots in order to reduce/eliminate his allergic reactions. I was allergic to dog fur myself and took those shots as a teenager when my family bought a dog, and thanks to that I can be near any dog with no issues, and I haven't had an allergic attack in a long time. I miss you, Nina. ❤
Oh no, poor Sebastian! Having a Chad as a brother and not getting a girlfriend even though he is such a nice guy! It breaks my heart 😩💔 (well, self reflection isn't a nice guys strong suit)
Story 1 - NTA Imagine being a tour guide or the other guests who watched this dude terrify this poor woman. Also these friends have only heard the BF’s story and you know the Bf made a fucked up take of this story.
Good god. I have a serious fear of falling from great heights, lucky that it's not heights itself, but that shitty "prank" would push me to abandon someone like that too. NTA
Man anyone who serves me decent food is good in my book, especially if they have a newborn kid and took the time to serve me something. I don't care if they made it or not, and I don't personally know anyone who would be that bothered by it. That family is way up their own butt.
Story 2: >Insults everyone >Literally messages one of the worsts texts ever >Throws problems at mommy to solve them >Wonders why people reject him Gee I wonder why
Honestly, you would expect that kind of behavior from an immature middle schooler...NOT a man in his 30s. If he has made it here and STILL hasn't realized how toxic his behavior is, my God dude. This guy is gonna die alone in his mother's basement. LITERALLY.
That Grand Canyon story hits a nerve. Just like OP I am so legitimately phobic about heights that I can't stand near railings or even high windows without convulsing physically. What happened to her is like my greatest fear made manifest. No relationship in my life, friends, family, partners. Not one would survive after someone tried that on me.
Story 1: You're in the right OP. He violated your trust and boundaries- what a prick. What if you''s freaked and fallen over the edge? You could've been hurt or worse, you could've hurt someone else in your panic. This relationship is not worth salvaging- and neither is any of the relationships from people blaming you. 0/5 Buttholes to OP 3/5 Buttholes to your boyfriend 4/5 Buttholes to everyone attacking you- tired of these victim blaming pos Story 2: Oof, your brother is a Nice Guy TM. You're in the right OP- Sebastian is on the way to becoming a proper Incel like RSlash said 0/5 Buttholes to OP 2/5 Buttholes to your parents for not understanding that Nice Guys need tough love 3/5 Buttholes for your brother being a Nice Guy Story 3: You're fine OP, using allergy meds have always helped me even though I'm pretty intensely allergic to them myself. 0/5 Buttholes to OP 3/5 Buttholes to your husband 3/5 Buttholes for his Mistress/Wife Story 4: Woah, your husband kind of sucks. You're exhausted but he's trying to force you to cook while he's sitting around?? Also he's a prick- that's such a weird hard stance to take. It's just macaroni. That's not even an Asian thing I don't think like ??? 0/5 Buttholes for you. 2/5 Buttholes for your inlaws 3/5 Buttholes to your husband Story 5: Lmao your sire cheated on your mom and now he's blaming her for what? Like holy crap. What an actual prick. 0/5 Buttholes for you OP 0/5 Buttholes to your mom 4.5/5 Buttholes to your sire 5/5 Buttholes to her friend What is this, the Bad Husband Olympics?
My brother pushed me into the street while a car came by. He said: "I did it because I knew, that you would not fall in front of the car." The problem was: There was an ice block and I slipped, while he pushed me and I almost couldn´t hold my balance and almost got run over by this car. We had a huge conversation about safety and not to do such things. I also remember the faces of these poor people inside the car. They thought they would kill me. Yeah, it is funny as long as everything goes right, but if there is an icecube and you slip, you are dead....simple as it is and you can not control such things.....the difference between my brother and OPs boyfriend is: My brother was 7 at the time and he never did it again.
Mac and Cheese for dinner story: It sounds like the wife must do everything, most times in those kinds of story the wife does everything and the husband is 'reaping' the rewards.
Good lord, this reminds me of when I was like 3 or 4 years old, my family visited the Grand Canyon. My dad was holding me and he was like "do you wanna take a closer look?" And then he starts swinging me like he's going to throw me in saying "one! Two!" And of course I started screaming and crying. Now I'm 25 and bare mountains/cliffsides still freak me the frick out
"I never have any luck with women because I'm not tall and handsome" - No, dude, you never have any luck with women because you have a foetid swamp where your personality should be.
@@franl155 Key word - Some. The world is full of empty personality but handsome men who have no problems with women. And thats not even mentioning how being good looking actually changes how you act to the world. If women are paying you attention and you never have to chase them - then you will never write creepy texts - why would you, if simply writing Hi is enough. Pretty privileges' is real. And ofc its valid for both genders.
Story 5: Cheating can lead to permanent emotional damage. When you cheat on someone, they will remember that forever. Don't expect to be forgiven regardless of how much time has passed
I remember a story that his father wanted to spook his daughter at the Grand Canyon as a "joke" by pretending to fall. His daughter was used to his antics and ignored him, not realizing he actually fell to his death until well towards the end of the tour.
First story: It's amazing how many bullies claim their evil misdeeds are jokes, and even more amazing that some people believe them. A joke is something that everyone involved can laugh about. That guy would get the full 5/5 from me, even if OP wasn't in any possible danger. He violated her trust in the worst way and bullied her in public, then pretended to somehow be the victim so he can gaslight her into feeling guilty.
The dude who was upset about his postpartum wife not making a multi course meal would have been giving me the silent treatment from the grave over that shit. She’s 4 weeks pp, your parents showed up at random, you’re clearly not helping around the house, and they acted like she owed them for not wanting them in her face immediately post birth…but you’re mad at her for doing her best? Chile the cemetery is always accepting applications.
Oh my lord, embarrassed your boyfriend tried push u off Grand Canyon? Come on, his next vacation is to dump city! The mutual friends who side with the pusher can fudge off. Messy or not don’t be treated like this and get therapy for thinking you could possibly be in the wrong.
@@alexforce9 Regardless if it was intentional or just a prank, you do NOT pull that crap with anyone...EVER. Hell, that kind of crap can get you banned for life from ALL the national parks. 🙄
@@Center-For-I.E.D.Mismanagement First of all - why do you assume he is short? Second - even if he was - using a derogatory language about someone coz of their height, is very ugly and toxic. So you probably are toxic yourself. And 3rd - what he did was a dick move. But there is a massive difference if he was PRETENDING or he was TRYING to push her over. One is stupid prank the other is attempt of MURDER. If he wanted to push her - he would.
@@Xolivas1 No, its no "regardless". There is a massive difference. just like the difference between pretend fight with your brother, and trying to smash his face with your fists.
Dump the boyfriend, dump those "friends", change work if you have to, live with your parents until you're back on your feet if you have to. If you stay with that guy because breaking up will be messy, he's gonna keep doing shit like this and keep gaslighting you into thinking you're the problem. Get out, get out, get out
First story nta. Op needs to remove themselves from those mutual friends and him. He literally triggered a full blown panic attack. He's the embarrassing one. The 4th story: The husband can go starve. After my sister had her baby we RESPECTFULLY waiting for her to be ready to introduce us to her son, and WE BROUGHT HER FOOD
I have a crippling fear of heights too, but if my SO said she was terrified, I’d tie something around is to make sure that she wouldn’t go over without having a large weight keeping her safe. That child she was dating deserves to be alone forever
Rules of a prank: no property damage, no physical damage, no emotional damage, only a small joke, both people must be laughing, no sensitive topics Example of a good prank: hiding rubber ducks around the house. No other context Example of a bad prank: first story
Last story: how dare the father say “they should be over it by now” when he wasn’t the one who almost died and then was betrayed devastatingly by 2 people she knew he has no right to say that..makes me angry af 😡
What's interesting about the 4th story is that it's pretty common in Asian cultures for family to visit and cook FOR and take care OF the new mother to help her out. So what I'm hearing is that it's definitely not a cultural thing; it's a selfish, lazy, entitlement thing.
4th Story: NTA. My baby is 5 weeks old, and I feel her struggle. My spouse works full time all day, so I'm usually alone during the day to do most of the childrearing. It gets really overwhelming, especially with being a first time parent. It took me this long to finally get a more clear routine down, to feel somewhat normal. I know I didn't feel comfortable showering and leaving my daughter alone, so I would speed-wash after days without a shower, panicking the entire time that somehow something might happen to her. Not to mention the sleep-deprivation, the constant dirty diapers, the spit up, the crying, the soreness after delivery, the baby-blues, etc. This entire time, my spouse has been nothing but supportive. She thanks me for doing what I do, and doesn't get upset with me if the house isn't clean or I didn't cook. She would offer to cook after getting home, and watch the baby while I showered, and ask me if I needed her to do anything. THAT is what OP's husband should be doing for her. Trying to ease the burden. Instead, he is actively taking his parents' side when he SHOULD be standing by his wife. It's rude of him to invite them over without asking her, and even more rude to assume she would be the one to cook and cater to their whims. And then they all have the AUDACITY to complain when she does cook for them?? Selfish. They are all selfish for putting OP through that.
When someone tells you ''hey, I'm genuinely terrified of X, I will have a panic attack if I'm exposed to it'' and your first thought is to use it as a premise to some horrible prank, you ARE a horrible person. Jokes are supposed to be funny and if the only person laughing is you, it's not funny.
I LOVE Rslash's rant reply to the last story! OMG the guy expected his ex to take in his SIX KIDS from an ex friend who was his mistress. Good for that daughter to stand up for her mother.
Last story: I had something similar happened. It sucks to be in that situation. Mostly because I’m expected to be the second adult when taking care of my younger siblings.
As an avid hiker and someone who regularly goes to at least 2 NPs a year, her boyfriend is the type of people whom I cannot stand. Accidents happen. People die at these parks every year and it most cases, it's preventable. This is not a funny prank, even in an controlled environment (which the parks are not). She is 100% NTA and he's lucky a ranger didn't see him. Poor girl.
Story #4, are we just going to ignore the red flag from the husband where didn't even have the courtesy to let op know ahead of time that his parents were coming over? Like what was he expecting? That his parents show up and then op summons a turkey? If anything, op should be gas lighting the husband for embarrassing the parents, not the other way around.
First story: Something similar happened in northern Michigan. Someone "pretended" to push his S.O. off a mountaintop (yes, we have them here!) only the S.O. actually went over the side. The "jokester" ended up being charged with murder. OP's story could've ended in a similar manner.
If anything, it's rude of the inlaws to expect to come over and see the babies plus demanding to be catered to, when in fact they should be the ones bringing dinner and offering to help out around the house if they want to see the baby.
For the cheating story: "He repeated disrespected my mom" - he disrespected you too OP. He had YOUR BIRTHDAY pushed back so he could go find out he had another kid and LIED about it. THEN actually ruined your actual celebration by revealing this information during it. Why didn't he wait til after? Why not have the party, have fun and all, and then when the day is done talk to the wife? By your own telling your dad REPEATEDLY disrespected your mother with his cheating, but he also disrespected YOU - his child, TO CHEAT and do things with his affair partner - so really you don't owe him a celebration your mom is throwing. I'd have said "Think of this like the birthday party you pushed off to learn that your mistress was pregnant, and just "go to a funeral" ...hm?"
That fourth story is definitely insane, there's nothing wrong with either food, I enjoy both Mac and cheese as well as Asian food, it's the husband and his parents' problem if they can't appreciate what was prepared. Also if the husband's parents have never tried it then why are they even dising it in the first place?
The first and last story was so beyond crazy!! Thank goodness the op in both stories are ok after almost getting thrown into the Grand Canyon and a extremely scary childbirth.
The first story even made it into Newsweek. She got a ton of support from other Redditers (duh), and apparently the relationship is pretty much over. Not official yet but as it sounds it's only a matter of when, not if.
Fourth story - We kept our families away for a month too after our first child and basically told everyone that we don't care about what they want. It is our lives and we are doing it our way. Then we had a second child and were like - help us please lol. I think we had visitors after 5 or so days. Also, that mother isn't an ahole. The husband kind of is. Not for inviting his parents to see their child (well, a little) but mostly for offering them a meal and requiring his wife to cook it without telling her.
It’s the double standard that when you are in their country, you have to respect their culture, but when they’re here in your country, you also have to respect their culture.
5:36 I'm sorry I can't imagine someone sitting through the Disney trilogy just to get along with somebody I would have drawn the line at the Disney trilogy
As someone who is also scared of heights I would have left them in Arizona and most likely went no contact for even thinking I'd find that pretending to kill me in a way I'm terrified of dying from would be funny.
Nah Op1. You did so right. A messed up thing to say? It was clearly absolutely the truth and he is NOT the one. I hope you find the strength to leave those firends and him. If he wanted to make himself redeemable in this he should have apologized immediately and took ypu back to the hotel. Instead he couldn't admit he was wrong and argued that YOU, who had told him about your fear, were over reacting. That's a grade A exsample of narasistic abuse, not just being immature. Not saying he is a narcissist, but he's definitely a walking red flag. Wow! 0 op buttholes. Good wholesome OPs in this one. Good job my dears. Hope your life looks brighter soon.
The first story makes me pissed! I've had panic attacks in the past before so bad that I couldn't calm down even after half an hour of my mom consoling me. (I do have these panic attacks because of a phobia) Phobias are something you can't control that's why they're called IRRATIONAL FEARS. If someone I knew purposely triggered my phobia after I set very clear boundaries and then get mad at me for embarrassing them... That person doesn't deserve to be in anyone's life until they learn how to act like a loving human being. (this is the nicest way I could say it.)
As a fellow person with crippling fear of heights I can confirm: the first OP is NOT the butthole. If someone tried that with me I probably would have instinctively trown them over the edge before even realising what's going on.
I think almost anyone would have a panic attack in that situation. Phobia or not. I tend to get woozy looking down from a height and some types of heights bother me more than others. Someone pretending to push me off anything, even just the dock at beach, would make me panic.
@@Ikajo Just the way OP described her phobia hit very close for me, because I feel pretty much the exact same way. I also can barely go near railings and have full on panic attacks once I get to about 4 metres of height.
@@theavatarofinsanity I get you. I have agoraphobia and a pretty bad phobia towards wasps. My reaction tend to be to freeze or become super tense. Usually both in some kind of combination. Crowds are my nemesis, honestly.
You were right. This is exactly why his ex left him. He deserves to be alone if even after THAT he still can't grow up. Tell all your friends exactly what you have here and then if they still don't get it they aren't worth it either.
if someone ever pretended to toss me off the grand canyon I'd instantly disappear from their lives until they're ready to apologize. and it better be sincere.
I'd dump them on the spot! If they are sincere in their apology, I would forgive them. I am; however, never taking them back. There's no going back after breaking that level of trust. I forgive you, but I forgive you there.
I just gave birth a month ago, and if someone came over to my house unannounced and my husband demanded I cook for them and then bitched about what I served, he’d be sleeping on the couch for a month. Newborns are wonderful but exhausting; if anything, the in-laws should have volunteered to make food for the new parents.
