I’m from Arizona, and I can 100% confirm that ASU has a reputation for being a party school and accepting everyone. Now, if they threw that kind of shade at something like UAT, *then* I’d be upset
"Husband wants a divorce. I remind him that we're Catholic and don't do that." Catholic over here: HA! They should see the marriage success rate of MY family! Not my own parents, but my uncle and cousins.
Not Catholic but raised Catholic. Honestly shocks me how many people are unaware that annulment is a thing and there are valid reasons for a marriage ending even by Catholic “marriage is forever” standards. Sounds to me like she was just using her religion to justify her narcissism.
Also, you know what's really funny. Is the Bible doesn't say anything about abortion. In fact, all the Bible says about abortion is how to do one. And Jesus never mentions abortion. But you know what Jesus and the Bible spend a lot of time talking about and not just how to do one is divorce and how it's a sin. So in the eyes of the Christian Bible, especially the Catholicism Bible, having a divorce is much worse sin than having an abortion. Especially considering God is very pro-abortion. The flood yield all kinds of pregnant women. There's also a time when the Israelites got in a fight with the Canaanites and God ordered them to rip all unborn babies out of the womb. Like I said it's very pro choice.
Anyone noticed in the first story that OP threatened divorce if the husband went through with helping the daughter, but then when the husband said he wanted one, OP said that they’re Catholics and don’t do that? Hypocrite!
It's even worse than that: the bible condemns divorce, but legit has instructions for performing abortions. This woman is so backwards in her priorities.
@@GHOSTMAN262 no one said there wasn’t the comment was pointing out op’s hypocrisy when she threatened to leave her husband but is now saying they can’t get divorced because of their religion. She does one thing and gets mad when someone does the same thing to her.
@@sirinkaslana3709 yeah, I don't believe in controlling people. Even if a person wants to make a morally wrong decision, if they are not breaking the law, you can't stop them.
Gonna say in story 2 I actually do believe it's very possible fiance didn't cheat, but unfortunately what he asked for was the death of the relationship. I honestly wish them both the best. Fiance obviously wasn't ready to settle down for life in a committed relationship, and to his credit at least he nuked it before the wedding happened and they would have to get a divorce. OP is better off too not being tied down to someone who could grow to resent her for not allowing him to be adventurous in their 20's.
I do believe he never cheated. I don't believe he never would. At first I was on his side, but I did find the crying really weird. Well, turns out he's a pretty shitty person. Lied to his fiance about why he asked this, about if he had someone in mind, and he was in the process of setting up ANOTHER lie about "only people we know". I'm poly myself, and the FIRST thing you learn is 100% openness. That dude is less open about his emotional life than Alcatraz is with their vault access codes.
People seem to think polygamous relationships work but realize too late how unstable it gets when it works out for your first lover and it doesn't work out for you (whoever starts the poly relationship is doomed to end up alone.)
@@pokemaster1725uhhhh no?? I’ve been in a poly relationship, it’s been fine but didn’t work out and I’m in a monogamous relationship now. The issue is the partner being deceitful. Polyamory is fine on its own and really nice when you and your partners work together.
@@lightfinder4230 seems like an excuse to fuck around. If you can’t keep it in your pants then you don’t deserve a relationship. Go play around then, she dodged a bullet
About the fiancé one. The thing that disturbs me (as a woman), is the fact that she said the barista had always been nice to BOTH of them. This would leave one to believe that the barista KNEW he was in a relationship. There is nothing trashier than someone knowing that someone is in a relationship, yet pursuing them anyway. That's assuming he was telling the truth...
It makes me so uncomfortable that OP in story 1 refers to effects of pregnancy as “temporary” while yes, there’s some effects that go away some effects (if not, most) are permanent
@@alix6xgorg839 the pregnancy itself can have permanent effects even outside of the baby after its born. If you've never heard of the dozens of potential complications that can arise from pregnancy and childbirth I urge you to do so. It's an eye opening experience to realize that mother mortality is still fairly common not to mention paralysis, depression, anxiety, health conditions, etc that can occur during and after pregnancy.
@@roselover411 And death is a permanent effect. Why should the baby die just so the mother can not be slightly irratated in her life when the one who caused said baby's life is the mother?
Story 1: OP: I am going to get a divorce if my daughter and husband go through with this Also OP in the update: My husband wants a divorce but that goes against our religion Lady, hypocrisy is written all over you on this post
She said she thought abt it, but decided not to give thru with it. Then the husband decided they WERE gonna get a divorce. It one thing to think abt it and another to actually go thru with it.
My ex-boyfriend wanted an "open" relationship, it all came about after he cheated on me and 2 different girls, this was my first relationship ever and he came clean and broke up with me on Valentines day ( my favorite holiday). Unless an open relationship is proposed at the beginning of a relationship, I count it as a red flag.
As someone that's poly I agree with you, I always make sure people that are into me know beforehand that I am poly, I don't want to hurt someone over the way I feel, especially when they're someone I would consider a relationship with.
@@marukouga135 Still needs a lot of open and honest communication, a proper ruleset that fits, but yes, I agree, this is the best way to handle it, not just springing extra expectations on your partner way later on
Easy to think of it that way when you're talking about controlling other people. I skipped that story, but the comments are giving me the gist of it. Pain is not a temporary inconvenience, and see is considered a biological need like food and water, so it is NOT just for breeding more kids to indoctrinate. * lol *
Pregnancy is NOTHING to sneeze at, it's hard on a woman's body. The muscles in your abdomen could become disconnected leaving you looking pregnant. Not to mention even if you're perfectly healthy if you DON'T have good insurance complications, potentially deadly ones can happen. I had a cousin who was giving birth to her child, in a good hospital, and had prepared and wanted this baby. And SHE still had serious complications. There's a reason maternal deaths are so high in the US.
Just wanna say that the current acceptance Rate of Arizona State University is roughly 88%. So Lily wasn't really throwing shade at the school, but telling the truth; they accept most applicants whereas she was accepted at a school that has a more selective standard.
ALmost willing to bet that she didn't have to work as hard as a white person or an asian to get into the school (statistical fact about how they judge minority figures) and she is being solely accepted into a higher league school than what she is capable of actually handling solely for the quota of Minority status.
Tbh, I live in that city, and ASU is very much considered a party school lol. You go there bc you can, not because it’s amazing. It’s not a bad school! You can get a good education. It’s just also attractive to people who want to have fun parties in college lol
I feel like an open relationship is something you should let them know about on the first date. That way you can make sure you have a partner who's *also* ok with it and gets it.
I mean it can be anytime, but if it is to cover up cheating and to "fix" relationship issues, don't do it. an open relationship does not fix your relationship, but it may end up in both realizing "this is not what I want" if you want to open up a relationship, make sure you set clear boundaries and rules
What if you're not even thinking about that when you first get together? The guy was obviously thinking that he was going to spend the rest of his life with OP, it wasn't until he got to that point and began thinking of the implications of that when he began panicking.
I disagree. Relationships change and the most successful partners are ones that are able to adapt to change. People do not stay the same over the course of their life. You have partners that maybe start off not being okay with something like an open relationship. Maybe both of them starting out are not okay with it, 20 years later or what not they want to spice up their marriage. I think in a good and strong relationship you should be able to discuss these things. Relationships that are so rigid that you can't even bring something like this up are doomed to fail. I agree with @artemis745 I think that if you are doing it to cover up cheating or fix your relationship then its not the way to do it. But if you genuinely want to explore and your partner wants to explore that's fine. I do think you need to always be cognizant of being careful what you wish for though. Rigid partners and rigid relationships are bad. If my partner of several years comes to me and want to open the relationship of course I am going to be curious as to why. But I'm going to talk to them. If I'm not okay with an open relationship maybe there is some other compromise we can reach, like maybe the reason they want the open relationship is because they feel their sex life is stale. Point is things change, people change, and relationships change. Good partners change with the relationship, that doesn't mean that every change has to be acceptable and if it isn't acceptable you need to break up but the point still stands
@@cultmecca Yeah I think it was a really good sign the partner asked for an open relationship in this story. That's the sort of person you should trust all the more. The alternatives would be what? cheating, or hiding a crush from his wife (depending on your agreement that could count as emotional cheating). So, not great. By asking for an open relationship he was being open with his fiancee about what he wanted and was ensuring that pursuing this relationship would not be cheating and would be OK with the fiancee, or that his crush wouldn't be secret if they decided not to open the relationship. Which are all way better options. I'm not poly so I can understand the "one person is enough for me" thing but it's not cool to get mad at other people for being poly or sometimes being attracted to other people. I'm often attracted to multiple people, it just happens. Nothing to get worked up over. So long as you and your partner are honest about what you want and willing to listen and compromise, you're good. The couple here, by lying about not being interested in someone specific and not agreeing on the rules and being judgmental and untrusting when reached out to, are obviously not going about this the right way.
Pifftt my ex said the same shit- he was crying saying he has only been in relationships and he doesn’t know how to be single and all that bs. We broke up and he immediately turned around and started dating someone else and now they are married. I wish her the best of luck. We weren’t meant for each other. I’m happily married with a baby now too so no love lost there.
Especially in our current society, where sin is renamed and encouraged/praised, this is where families need to grow closer together. If you want that family member to overcome that sin, stay with them, love them, educate them, and encourage them to be better. Disowning your family member for being a homosexual will only damage relationships and push them further into sin.
@@jackanarchy9946 Yes it is. Look up Leviticus 18:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, and Romans 1:26-27. It’s a cold, hard fact and nothing can change that. You only think this is hatred because evil hates being called out for being evil. And God loves us but hates evil. Think about this: God sent His only son to die for sinners like us. We all deserve hell but thanks to the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus went through, we are all able to receive salvation through Him. He loved us so much that He was willing to be humiliated, tortured, and killed. We can be forgiven, cleansed from our sins, and receive salvation only through Him. That is beautiful and that is true love.
@@JayJaytheweirdTell me, do you eat pork or seafood? If you do, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus 11:7 says you can’t eat pork, and Leviticus 11:10-11:12 says you can’t eat seafood. Do you sacrifice animals on altars? If you don’t, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus chapters 1-7 cover God’s commands for animal sacrifices. Do you always stand up in the presence of old people? If you don’t, you’re breaking God’s law. Leviticus 19:32 says to stand up in the presence of the aged. Finally, do you believe that gay people should be put to death? What about cheaters? What about people who curse their parents? Leviticus chapter 20 is very clear that the punishment ordained by God for all of those things is death. If you allow those people to live, you’re breaking God’s law. The hypocrisy of Christians is an old, old song that everyone is sick of hearing. Don’t think nobody notices how y’all pick and choose which bits of Leviticus you desperately cling to in order to justify your own hatred and which you totally ignore. Matthew 22:34-40: A Pharisee asks Jesus which is the greatest commandment of God’s law. Jesus answers, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Then, he says the second greatest commandment is, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Christians know all the various laws in Leviticus about sacrificing animals and what’s acceptable to eat and which bodily fluids are unclean are all training wheels, temporary laws to give the faithful some structure in their lives before Jesus came along and showed believers the true way toward redemption. Jesus knew that blindly following Leviticus to the letter while ignoring the love and mercy of God’s word was missing what was really important about faith. That’s precisely why he didn’t get along with the Pharisees. Christians already know this. That’s why they eat bacon, why they don’t fret about wearing clothes made from two kinds of fabric, and why they don’t force women to live in isolation for a week because they’re menstruating (all things that contradict God’s law as told in Leviticus.) But they’ll still cling desperately to this one tiny passage about “Man shall not lie with man” even when they’re perfectly content to chuck everything else from those same books. And the most insulting thing about this is that you don’t think we notice the hypocrisy. We do. And so does Jesus. Hypocrite.
I'm gonna say though, props to that girl for telling her family in the first place. Growing up, my parents instilled such a deep fear of sex and pregnancy that I won't have kids even if married because it's confirmation that I did the sex. It's ridiculous as my family definitely know I've had sex as they have and are still helping me so much with the fallout of my PTSD which boiled over because of rape. Even though they know and I always had the view of sex as not being this huge evil thing, I still will never directly confirm it and an abortion would probably destroy me mentally as I'd take it to my grave.
I can relate to this so much. My absolute biggest fear if I were to get pregnant before marriage would be telling my parents, not caring for a child, not childbirth, not anything I should actually have to be scared of. I'm terrified of having to tell them something like that because they won't disown me, but they will never look at me the same and will always hold some resentment because of it. The amount and guilt and shame I was forced to feel about sex (among other things) has been detrimental to my mental health and I'm very grateful that I have a patient and caring partner who's helped me through so much of it
Story 2: that relationship is over. OP needs to bounce. Edit: I disagree that this wasn't a happy update. She may be sad now but she needs tonrealize what a GIGANTIC favor he just did for her.
It may not be the ending OP hoped for but in the long run it would be. I don’t think fiancé would drop the subject or if he did he would just cheat. Even if he wouldn’t OP could never trust him. She deserves better. If he does come crawl back to her I hope she has enough respect for herself to say no
when you have a kid, that's your responsibility for the rest of your life even after the kid is 18. For someone so devoted to family and "unconditional love" she's pretty quick to drop kicking them the moment they stray from her values, and that love seems very conditional. The care for the baby drops significantly when its actually born in a lot of these kinds of situations
--- Well the "responsibility after they turn 18-years old" is bit a vague phrase. Yes, they're still the (hopefully not disowned) offspring. But otherwise, "helicoptering" over them is certainly (hopefully) no longer needed for the most part (or to begin with). ---
@@PaveMentman I don't mean nagging on them forever but I mean, that's your kid, you made them and as their parent you do need to be there as a safety net, its not like you can dump them to the curb the moment they become an adult
Did you notice that she kept offering options, and it was her family that shut her down? She said she’d adopt the kid, and the daughter said “Get over it. I’m killing the kid.”
@@MemBirdman the offer felt very hollow and very pressuring on the mom’s part since again, she was pretty quick to drop her entire family over this one issue, so what’s to stop her from doing the same thing with this baby. The fact it keeps being referred to as “killing/murder” is also extremely manipulative
I have a different perspective. First of all I married my first partner and similar to that guy I have this inner feeling of missing out. Its not something you can control. For me commiting to that relationship meant that I accept that this feeling will probably remain in the back of my head because I take responsibility not to hurt my wife. But on the other hand I I need to be able to be able to share my feelings with my partner. If I can't then what's the point in all of this?
I really agree with rslash's last statement. He legit was ready to toss an entire relationship just because he was handed a phone number, he was never truly in it to begin with.
@@berenxoxo1165 If your partner isn't into an open relationship then asking AFTER you are engaged is ready to toss an entire relationship. How little does someone care about another to not know that asking something like that, that far into a relationship is going to be acceptable or not. Besides which, I know many people who were hit on while in a relationship who since they actually cared about their partner and were loyal told the interloper to kick rocks that their advances weren't appreciated.
@@SoManyRandomRamblings He didn't know she wasn't into an open relationship. How would he know without asking? Read her mind? I feel like she overreacted here. Also, rslash's last statement wasn't about the guy being willing to throw away an entire relationship. It was about how the girl was willing to throw away everything over her jealousy and insecurity about one girl asking for her boyfriend's number. Instead of cheating on her the guy was upfront about his insecurities and she called that bullshit, and when he showed his vulnerable and emotional side, she called him disgusting. The only disgusting person in that story was her and her pettiness and insecurities.
@@tehdarkswordsman6863 I don't think open relationships are very common in any cultures right now. The norm is monogamy, so if it isn't what you want, you should really discuss your expectations of a relationship very early on. Closed relationships don't often become open relationships
@@SoManyRandomRamblings The guy didn't KNOW that he might have been into it until after he was engaged. He brought up the question and instead of a yes or no, she was like "lets burn everything down"
Every time a story about "opening the relationship" comes up, it frustrates me on a personal level. As someone who is polyamorous, these people continue to contribute to the perception of "open relationships are just excuses to cheat on the other". And in their case, it's true, usually they just want to justify cheating on their partner. True open relationships are established at the start, with both parties consenting and establishing proper rules and a code of conduct. It can't be one-sided, mutual respect and honest communication are absolutely key. My boyfriend is the opposite to me - he's demisexual and very much exclusive, so we've entered a monogamous relationship, and I would never even dream of suggesting an open relationship. Even if he would agree, it'd be only to please me, and he would feel horrible all the while, and I don't ever want to make him feel that way.
Exactly what I've been saying in the comments! A proper open relationship needs to be communicated from the start, or better even, before it becomes a relationship in the first place! Just so expectations are clear and nobody gets hurt.
I just want to say I'm Asexual, and I don't speak for your boyfriend of course, but I would feel very comfy in an poly relationship, or even an open one! Sex isn't important to me or something I want to be involved in, so to me it's like a hobby that they do separately from me, if that makes any sense. To me, a polycule seems perfect. But that would require dating and I'm too lazy for that shit 🤣
I'm a monogamous gal at heart, I find loving one partner strongly to be very comfortable for me. I do hope you are happy with the monogamous lifestyle however, though it seems like you are so thats good!
this is exactly yes. this is why i always say that i'm polyamorous, strictly, i can't just do one partner, i get way too bored, and my needs are way too broad for one partner to fulfill, even if one partner could, i get sick of the same thing 24/7, the same people/person. my general rules are "do anything as long as i'm aware"; date whoever, have friends with benefits, any of that, just as long as i'm told when you're thinking about it, planning it, and if it happens. honestly the thing that would make me happiest is if my partner was thinking about dating someone else, or having fun or something and told me by texting me all excited about someone new, that would make me ecstatic because i know they're happy, getting their needs met, and still keeping me in the loop, and then they get to let their emotions out too : ) win win! it's why i love polyamory, but when people do it wrong, they get it so wrong, and it just really gives us poly people and bad rep.
can we talk about how the lady in the first story doesn't understand how her husband wants a divorce because their catholic... but she's the one that initially proposed divorce
She should question her faith, maybe read the Bible and all that, and actually see what it says about abortion. Maybe she’ll find that it doesn’t *actually say* what her pastors and faith leaders says it does on abortion. And maybe then she’ll understand she’s being lied to and that it’s all only about control for those “faith” leaders.
First story OP officially lost me when she was like "hubby wants a divorce but our religion is against it" like hun, sweetie, if religion is the only reason you're staying together, GET OUT. I may not agree with her view on women's rights or religion, but you should never stay with someone who has drastically different views from you. That's just asking for a life of misery.
As a former catholic i know a ton of catholics who have gotten divorced. She's way over the top about the religious aspect. I'm pro choice. Shes obviously pro forced birth but shes gotta understand her acting the way she did forced her entire family to be pro choice
I'm gay. Nonbinary (born male). And of Catholic background and from a Catholic country (Spain). I'm atheist. My friend works in the court system and they process clergy abuse cases here in Southern California. Dozens of new cases every single day. The church covers up child abuse cases to this day. I certainly don't care about anything the Catholic church says. They are vile hypocrites!
@@alanahr5 I think you nailed it. She's doing more to push them away than she's saying. I don't fault her beliefs but in the end she has an adult daughter and that means she can express her view but the daughter has the final say. I don't agree with everything my kids do, they know what I believe. And at the end of the day they know they can still come to me when they need me. It can be done.
Ironically, the OP blaims her pro forced birth views on a religion whose holy book says life begins with the first breath and ends with the last. This is the basis of many of the state laws that consider a baby a life only if it takes a breath. Which is further irony that the forced birthers are fighting in the name of religion against policies instituted by that same religion, lol.
My partner and I have had a clear deal breaker since the start of our relationship and that's asking for an open relationship/introducing a third. For us monogamy is important and even asking to change that would break the trust. I feel all relationships need to have that conversation at the beginning, not at the engagement. Open relationships should come from trust and communication not because one is scared about "inexperience".
Agreed. If you want an "open relationship" because of FOMO, you're not ready for the commitment of marriage. (I put open relationship in quotes because the fantasy they are pursuing in those circumstances isn't the true spirit of open relationships or polyamory in general.)
monogamy as a concept is ideally romantic but idiotic in actuality. Is it a valid thing to want in a relationship, yes. does it create long lasting relationships in modern society, no. Monogamy was created to keep women innocent and loyal to men, while when historically men did what they wanted. Nowadays, as we shun subserviency and promote autonomy, I personally believe Monogamy is a dated concept. I personally don't believe that sex means love, I mean just ask a sex worker if they believe that it does or people who have lived outside of western society for a long enough time. The only way for Monogamy to work is if both parties believe that sex means love or that both people actually stay in love with each other, which statistically is 40-50% of married people don't in the US, which is about 30 million people.
As a Polyamorous person, who would never be comfortable in a monogamous relationship, I respect your comment a lot. The key is communication FROM THE START. Everyone has to CLEARLY and openly state what they want, and what their expectations for the relationship are. From the get go. For me, Polyamory is very important, and I would never willingly accept to be in a strictly monogamous relationship. So I make that clear to everyone I know as soon as I can. Of course, people are allowed to change minds. I feel like OP’s husband was entitled to feel the way he felt. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t come free of consequence. He went about it in the worst possible way. He likely probably knew the way OP would react to it, and when OP reacted the way she did (which to me was a little much, but she was also 100% entitled to such a reaction) he tried backpedalling and gaslighting her into believing everything was okay, when it clearly wasn’t.
@@OnePeopleOnelife I agree, but we can divorce the concept of monogamy from its history. Especially with the option of divorce, monogamy is as much of a trap as it use to be
I appreciate you not reading that first story in the entitled voice even though you disagree with her opinion. It was nice to hear the whole story before the judgment. This is why I like listening to you and your channel 😊
@@jam2727 kinda hopping onto this comment to say that i think that was an explicit reason he pointed out with one story he read through from either EP, AITA, or CB with an entitled woman demanding the best of the best at disney world right around the start or height of covid and then getting called crazy by her husband
@@Riftdancer527 Yeah, he can't keep it up for the long ones. Still, I think it came across better. We can make our own judgments on her actions. Mine are fairly mixed, gotta say.
I don't think it was right of him to call "pro-life" a "trigger warning" though...I'm all but certain he would not have called pro-choice a trigger warning.
@@JohnSmith-zw8vp sir unless you've been living under a rock for a good several years (in which case make some room) that debate between pro-choice and pro-life has been as tilting as anything else political here in the USA frankly i cant blame Rslash for saying it lest it cause a war within the comment section to begin with
My question in the 1st story for OP is what about the ex boyfriend of taking responsibility of the action? I do not even see anything OP even talking about him
Don't you know? When a woman gets pregnant, it's all her responsibility! Afterall we all know making a baby just requires the woman and nothing else right? On a serious note, I find pro life so funny because the arguments stop after the child is born. They have no problem with families being separated at the border, children being made homeless when their parents dislike them or their life choices and other horrible stuff. All that matters is the small bundle of cells that cannot even breathe on it's own yet and doesn't even resemble a child.
I could also say the daughter is taking responsibility and no one should blame her for going this route. Think about it. If she had decided to keep it, she would have been in the worst situation later. Granted this is an assumption. It's also a possibility the ex boyfriend would want to see his kid or do something else in worst way.
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
@@cameronpetersen5763 Now I don't know what to say for that 1 since I don't know at all for that situation. However it reminds me that men should be allowed to have a paternity test. For things like if babies have been switched and to be extra sure their baby is his. Since we all know raising a child that is not even yours and you thought it was is beyond worse. Of course from that other story rslash read (they did sue the hospital if im correct) where both parents found out their child is not even theirs, no other words to describe that
I mean, yeah, that's Christianity. You put god first. She has a family, ok, but that doesn't mean she has to completely let go of her morals, and values.
Yeah, 9 times out of 10 when someone asks for an open relationship, it means they’ve picked a pony from the herd, and if they ain’t riding it yet, they’ve pulled the saddle out of the barn.
Indeed, it's one thing to be okay with an open relationship from the beginning, it's another thing to request a closed relationship to open. The instant the latter event were to ever happen with me? I would punch out and say, "Okay hon', have fun with whomever you chose. I'll pack my bags and see you later."
@@DesertRainReads its not as clearcut as you make it sound - social norms and limitations often put people on the path of monoamory and expect them to stay there even if people discover they might actually be polyamorous during a relationship - as long they communicate cleary and honestly about it (which op's fiancee did) it should be at least something that can be discussed with your parter - esp with all the reassurence the fiancee brought into the discussion....
"Open Relationship" often translates to "cheating without the guilt". If an intimately intimate monogamous partner asks for an open relationship, chances are that they already have someone in mind. Chances are that they're also dipping their toes in the experience and are now back-peddaling to coveir their ass.
Yeah I never understood why a monogamous person would willingly take part or initiate an open relationship. If one or both people were polyamorous, that's understandable. Not all poly people get into long term threesomes and such. But monogamy open relationships are sus 🤨
Uh… no? Not always?? I’ve been with my partner for almost five years and I told them onto recently that I am poly but I won’t persue anyone bc I know they’re uncomfortable with it. It’s not always a cheating thing and that’s what pisses me off. Ppl automatically think it’s cheating when a partner asks a good question that goes with setting more boundaries.
@@Astrolionking Guess the original comment touched a nerve, huh? To my understanding, an open relationship doesn't even equal a polyamorous relationship... So I don't understand why you act all butt-hurt. lmao Not that the differences between either change my stance on it. I'm vehemently opposed to either when it comes to MY relationships (You do you. It's just not for ME.) and that's a boundary I establish very early on. If, for example, 3 years down the line you come up to me and tell me you're poly or want an open relationship... Yeah, no. That relationship is over. To me, that insinuates you already have someone in mind, especially when it comes to the open relationship. Even if you don't have someone in mind, my trust for you is definitely gone. Aside from that, it also shows how incompatible we apparently are since the both of us obviously have different expectations when it comes to relationships.
Of course she doesn't see how she's the bad person, because she's the holy and righteous "pro-life" person and the rest of her family are evil pro-choicers who want to "murder babies." There's just no reasoning with people who think like this.
@@gabeamorello6679 She's not wrong for that. Everyone has their own opinion about that. It's about how controlling and nagging she is. OP's daughter is an adult and has the right to make her own choices without anyone breathing down her neck
I know I commented before, but after listening to the other story. Look, if the relationship is NOT open from the beginning, asking to open it is a huge red flag. It means you've either already cheated, or you want to cheat, but you have enough of a conscience to try to get out of it with a loophole. My last relationship started as open, which lit up my ex's eyes. She stopped listening after I said "Yeah, I'm okay with it" and missed the "But there has to be complete and total honesty and I am NOT a sidepiece, I am the main partner or not at all." I found out two weeks later they were still engaged to their "ex" who was actually their fiancee. Ugh. Okay, I'm jaded, I admit.
I think I have to say this cause I know how the daughter in the first story felt. Little trigger warning for self harm and suic***. I had an abortion when I was in my early 20s. My partner and I had recently lost our jobs and had nothing in our name. The condom failed, it didn't broke, it wasn't punctured, it failed. To make matters worse any pregnancy of mine would be considered high risk cause I have a non malignant brain tumor (which is why I cannot use any kind of hormonal birth control). A pregnancy in the worst case would leave me blind. My family is stupidly pro-birth, a little before I found out I was pregnant my father said (and his words have been tattooed in my mind) "if a woman wants to have an abortion, she should kill herself. If she wants to end a life she should end her own". I wonder what would my dad feel if he knew that he's dream almost came true. The day I found out I was pregnant I almost threw myself from a 15 story building. A guy that was passing by saw me and stopped me, I was so embarrassed that I just run away. I couldn't even thanked him. I just ran. When I was out of breath I called my partner, now husband, and just asked him to get me an abortion, I didn't tell him why, just that I didn't want to be a mother. In less than a day he had made me an appointment and had gathered the money to do the procedure. Those pro-birth are not pro-life, cause if they were really prolife they will be protecting and helping the lifes of the ones that are already here, that are alive. My husband and I have talked with all my cousins, behind the back of all the adults of my family, that if any time they need it we will make the appointment for them and we will pay for everything without asking any question. We even have the money saved. That sensation of being trapped is the worst feeling I have ever felt and I don't one that any of the girls in my life to feel it, never.
I'm pro life, I would be fine with an abortion in your specific case, it would cause brain damage, no one should subject themself to brain damage. No hard feelings intended for you but; Your father is an idiot if he sticks to his stance in regard to medical complications such as yours.
Glad things worked out for you. I'm pro-life if the reason for wanting an abortion is "I just don't want a kid" or similar, but in circumstances where the health of the mother is at risk, such as in your case, it's almost always the best option. Hope all is well.
@@enurii "To make it clear", I actually do have an opinion, it's just not one you agree with, you refusing to accept that reality doesn't affect me. Not sure why you replied in such a hostile manner.
first story, OP is way too concerned about the yet to be born child, and far less concerned about her living daughter. She's crying over the loss of her future grandbaby, when she's seemingly not concerned about how getting pregnant and giving birth to a child up-ends someone's life, her daughter's life. It is sad, that she's so much more focused on the what-ifs, than the here-and-nows. She routinely minimizes the impact on her daughter ("prefers New England over Arizona") and derides the choices that she's made, all in favor of a child that hasn't even come close to being born yet. It wasn't her grandchild, not yet. It gives off vibes of someone who starts thinking about marriage after the first date, and then gets frustrated when their life plans are thrown out the window because the other person didn't vibe with the date! It's such a weird focus on a being who has barely even existed. And this doesn't even touch on the fact that the baby's mother (OP's daughter) wouldn't be very loving, nor would their father be in the picture. The finances that the daughter would have to deal with. Losing scholarships and financial aid, etc etc. It's just so selfish on OP's end to only be thinking about the unborn fetus, and the impact the abortion had on OP, and not seemingly thinking about the impact on her daughter She's far too focused on her faith, too. I was raised Catholic, I understand how integral to people's lives it is. But faith shouldn't come before family, or love, or kindness. If it does, you've lost the forest for the trees, you've lost the purpose of your faith: to lift your loved ones up and provide guidance for a better, kinder, more caring and loving life. There's plenty of reasons to be pro-choice as a catholic, not the least of which being that a family is predicated on love. If that love isn't there to begin with, how will that family survive? In some ways, I think OP is seeing that play out for her immediate family in these posts--she's more worried about the unborn fetus and her faith, than the love for her family, and the family is falling apart due to it. Instead of getting frustrated and upset that you've somehow "failed" your daughters after they became outspoken pro-choice women, maybe you could sit down and listen about where they're coming from? To be fair, the daughter was said some pretty hurtful things too, like "she doesn't want to end up like [OP]." But i'm almost willing to give her a pass seeing how unsupportive and abrasive OP has been throughout this whole ordeal. It's not on the daughter to make peace, it's on OP, and OP is still only seeing it through the lens that she was hurt more than her daughter was. Until OP can get out of this selfish perspective, she's not going to be able to make amends with her family One final note after this essay of a comment I wrote out: she ends all her posts saying something like "please keep praying for me," and I think that's pretty indicative of the type of person she is. Prayer can be good, sure. But if you're relying on that to fix what you see as problems in your life, you're not being a good catholic, in my opinion. Prayer only goes so far, and action and communication are far more important. Nothing concrete is going to change through prayer, and your apparent insistence that it will is probably another factor driving you away from your family
Why does the daughters life matter? Realistically one life is not going to effect humanity at all, but a new life and generation is more important, because you are continuing humanity. The daughter probably won't accomplish anything in life anyways, so what does it matter if her life is ruined?
@@SierNotsruht ‘realistically, one new life is not going to effect humanity at all, but an experienced person and generation is more important, because you are continuing humanity’ You see how god awful disgusting that sounds? Why does the daughter’s life matter? BECAUSE ALL LIFE IS SACRED, you utter asshole
@@SierNotsruht Way to go, you're putting a parasite above someone already existing. Let's follow your line of thinking. Why should the baby be born? One life being brought into the world isn't going to change much. The baby probably won't accomplish anything either.
@@SierNotsruht "Realistically one life is not going to effect humanity at all", other than that being completely unempathetic and cruel, it just doesn't make sense. If one life won't affect humanity at all, then why does it matter if she gets an abortion? The daughter is going to an Ivy League school, the fetus is a complete wild card, so the daughter is much more likely to benefit society than the fetus, you, or me. Unless your point is actually humane and logical, keep it to yourself.
Indeed, and I love how she just glossed over the baby daddy cheating on her. It wasn't just about wanting to stay at her dream school and stretch marks.
Not enough data. If they agreed as parents on a moral standard and then didn't follow it the husband may be the problem not the wife, as for the kids it is on the parents to instill values so can't blame them. From the kids perspective it wasn't murder, from hers it was. If your daughter suddenly wanted to kill her 8 year old because she found out her husband cheated on her and she wanted to stay in the college she was in you would call her a monster. It is a matter of both perspective, and what you call a human.
@@75ur15 ffs an already born child with a whole 8 years of life is not the same as a mass of cells that still hasn’t even been born, has no heartbeat or a developed brain 🙄 it’s so crazy how you can even think the 2 situations would be comparable at all
@@75ur15 Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and opinions. The issue become when you try to force your opinion and ideas on to someone else, even if they are a relative of yours. At the end of the day the choice to have a child belongs to the one who would have had to carry that child, period. The girl felt that she, for whatever the reason, wasn't ready to have a child. The mother can feel hurt and not agree with what her daughter did. If she chooses that to be the 'hill to die on' thats on her...is her feelings. I don't think they are necessarily wrong, however I don't think that they (her feeling) need to be 'pushed' onto other people.
Pregnancy is never a "temporary inconvenience" it's a sacrifice. You're sacrificing your finances, your future plans, your time, your body, possibly even your life because not every pregnancy ends with both mom and baby alive afterwards. People need to stop thinking that because they survived theirs that any person that they want to force into a pregnancy will survive too.
The thing is, most will just say that it's a mother's "duty" to sacrifice herself for the ✨️gift of life✨️ and romanticize the death of the mother, fault her should the child die at birth or ignore her/romanticize her distantly should the mother receive lasting damage. Even Op here only thought about how "evil" an abortion is and not her own daughters future.
@@Erika.Jupiter EXACTLY the mom isn:t thinking about her daughter at ALL It is like the mom only sees her daughters as children carriers- It's really sad that she has this mentality-
It also continues to take a toll on the body after birth. Breastfeeding a baby drains the mother of calcium, rSlash has mentioned this in prior videos. And a lot of women who give birth later develop urinary incontinence issues.
Let me shed a little light on the other side. The Christian faith isnt about forcing people to have babies. The difference is that fetuses are seen as human beings, so killing them is seen as homocide. Thats why its such a big deal to to the Christian community. I understand that some don't see it that way, and i don't blame anyone for that, but it still hurts my heart to think of the thousands of abortions every year. People, please just use protection if you don't want a kid.
@@ardet7383 only the ones who get their Bible information in quotes and don't bother reading the whole thing. It states that not alive till able to survive outside the mom on its own. Also in many more places it states not alive until first breath is taken. There is a story in there where God gives a concoction for causing an abortion (kinda hypocritical if he was actually against it). Then in a spelled out example where someone caused the death of a fetus it was straight up explained that the punishment is monetary because it is property until it is actually able to survive outside of mom then it becomes a life taken. Read the Bible before you claim things that aren't actually in it.
I'm going to say the thing I say to my own daughter. I'm your Mom. My job is to love you. I don't have to like you, I don't have to like what you say, what you do or what you want. Liking you is not my job. Loving you, supporting you, encouraging you, THAT is my job. When we have disagreements, it's ok. We don't have to agree. As long as we respect that we have equal rights to believe whatever we believe. We have the right to choose what we want, what we do and as long as we are willing to deal with the consequences of those choices we are good. To be a parent is a job. If my kid doesn't want that job, that's her choice. I don't have to like it. I don't have to support it. I have to Love her and accept it. That is my job as Mom.
1st story: if a 14 year old girl can say "I wouldn't get one personally, but I respect her decision" then some sort of parenting was right. Maybe it was the father, maybe it was outside influence. Either way, those girls showed very level headedness in a very heated topic
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
@@cameronpetersen5763 I know that we live in a time of equality, but pregnancy and childbirth is NOT equal and never can. The decision to have a child should always be with the mother only because of the toll of pregnancy and childbirth. Men cannot have the right to just walk away consequence free. If they don't want to raise the child or be in it's life that is the mans right, but he has to pay financial support. He helped create the child and that is his responsibility, the woman's is whether or not the baby is born. If the baby is born then BOTH parents are responsible- even if only financially, unless the child is adopted by another party of course.
@@cameronpetersen5763 I fully agree. If the father does not want the child, and does not want any part in the child's life, then they should not have to pay child support. Keeping the father in the picture in that situation can only lead to resentment. In some situations and places this can happen. It's unfortunately somewhat rare, but some parents are able to sign away parental rights and don't have to pay child support. The laws should be worked around to make the process of this easier.
@@cezra833 But it's the womans choice to give birth and have that child. Why should the father be forced to be attached to that child if it's the mother's choice to give birth? Personally, I fully believe that if the man wants nothing to do with the child, then they shouldn't have to pay child support. However, if theh do want to see the kid, then they should pay.
@@mariposa9506 So your body immediately went back to normal after giving birth? No bleeding, no hormonal shifts, no full-body aches, no diabetes, no depression, no weight gain, no bleeding gums, no teeth falling out, no drooping breasts, no hair falling out, no varicose veins, no hemorrhoids, no diastasis recti abdominis, no heavy periods, no tearing in the birth canal or C-section scars (depending on how the birth went)?
@@avashnea It's actually a very common side effect of both pregnancy and breast feeding. A fetus needs a ton of calcium, and if there isn't enough in the mother's diet, the body will take it from the bones, including the teeth. Moral of the story, if you have a pregnant friend or family member, make sure they're getting lots of calcium and protein.
My husband is my first real relationship, and I never felt the need to explore anything before we got married. Sure, I felt like I might've MAYBE missed out on more experience, but I was absurdly happy enough in my relationship to not feel any need to change that before we tied the knot. So IMO, that second story fiancé was stupid.
I rolled my eyes so hard all the way through the first story. Whether OP likes it or not, most of OP's family is pro-choice. They make choices for the betterment of their own lives and they each have their own personal values. Edit: holy shit i opened this thread with 13 replies expecting to see a typical RU-vid free for all where everyone is being rude and nasty. So glad that’s not the case. Im personally Pro-choice but im glad some people are actually able to talk about their opposing opinions in a healthy way. Very refreshing
I agree, though I can understand her feeling of being lost. Considering the background, it's gonna be quite a shock when her entire family goes against a core concept of their faith. But life is filled with choices, this is just one in a sea of choices. I personally don't agree with the daughter's choice which doesn't mean I am gonna force it down her. throat. From my perspective, it's a sin but I have no right to judge since that's what God has said, judgement is the lord's alone. Eh, I could be a weirdo but that's my 2 cents
@@bamgm14 I don't share your views, but yours is, IMHO, the healthy way of approaching a moral cunundrum and a disagreement in choices and moral views.
@@SidereusOfTheFallen I won't lie, I was half expecting to be flamed. Your answer was a breath of fresh air, yes, completely agree, opinions are our own, we should not force it on others. Thank you for this, my faith in humanity has been given life once more XD
@@bamgm14 People like you are so rare these days. Even if we might be seen as on different sides, I think recognising sensible and emotionally mature people is incredibly important. I myself sometimes felt like no one could get past their own tinted glasses and felt so alone, I want others to know true acceptance is not dead.
@@cameronpetersen5763 Nope, not how that works. Men aren't the ones that get pregnant, have to carry a fetus to term for 9 months with all the health issues and risks that entails, not to mention all of the financial burden of a pregnancy. Especially in America where so called pro-lifers strongly resist universal healthcare.
1st story, I am born, raised and a practicing catholic in a country with no divorce and bans abortion, and I totally agree with rslash. OP is so overbearing and forcing her own values to her family! She's thinking that her values is the law in the household.
@@zanyraccoon6361 women these days don't want equality, they want supremacy. They want to be able to screw around with every dude in town and still be treated like a princess once they get done riding the cock carousel. No such thing as accountability these days, it's like kryptonite to women. I guarantee The guy probably doesn't even know. Wouldn't surprise me, he's a cheating piece of s*** but it still his baby as well. Well. It takes two to make a child and maybe she should have considered if he would have made a good father or not before screwing him
@@zanyraccoon6361 well, it is an iffy situation. If a woman is keeping it and needs support but a man ditches, well she'll struggle in someway to raise, some worse than others, and she can't force someone to stay and help raise if they ditch, so the least they could do is at least pay child support. But yet it is a bad situation for a man, not wanting any part only to still end up paying in the end if she keeps it. At least that's my thoughts, I'm not too in-depth about such a situation since I haven't gotten into such a topic, and merely just guessing viewpoints.
@@zanyraccoon6361 Men don't get to force an abortion, because it's not their body that's being risked by that medical procedure. If you don't want the responsibility, don't het someone pregnant.
Second story: To the fiancé, tell me you're not ready to settle down without saying it directly 🤷🏽♀️ not even in a bad way, better to feel that and bring it up now than force it and end up hurting OP later on
Story one: OP is an absolute narcissist, all of that post is about her. No part of it takes anyone else into account including using her faith as a cudgel to get others to conform to her mental picture of how things should be.
The last story really hit close to home. My last relationship was with a guy who wanted to be open, and I told him no. He then went behind my back and told everyone we were! He went so far as to cheat on me via dating sites and irl friends we had. If anyone has a partner who asks to be open(and seems REALLY pushy) be careful. I know people can be open and healthy and happy, but if your partner is being secretive or quiet before asking about it, be wary.
Really classy of the coffee shop girl they both interact with to slide her number over to him when she's not there, knowing he's with someone. Good thing OP saw this side of him before they got married.
Story 1: you'd think a woman who's had so many kids would be aware of potential long term effects a pregnancy can have on a woman's body, and wouldn't think of it as "temporary inconvinience"
ones like her donit cause it didn't happen to them so they downplay the possibility as either the chances of it happening are next to zero or are completely overblown from what really happens.
Or they view it as a blessing. The only reason my SIL stopped having kids is the doctors pretty much told her if she had another, she could potentially die in childbirth.
It sincerely sounds like the mom is bitter that she didn't have, or feel like she had, the option to not have half a dozen kids, is in sincere denial about it, and trying to tear down her kid for making choices she herself couldn't get out of. Crabs in a bucket type of situation. If I had to be miserable and play the role of happy doting Good Christian Mother, then so do you.
@@jbdagoat4109 Then the proper course of action is to process her grief in whatever way she needs to. But instead, she chose to badger, insult, and attempt to control her daughter, who is an adult and made an adult decision, and now risks losing her too.
@@TaxHunter97 Considering the fact that her younger daughters appear more emotionally mature than their own mother, I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up not meeting a single grandchild she might have in the future... .
Story 1: OPs offer of adopting the baby so that Lily can stay in school is so... empty. I don't doubt that she hoped if Lily gave birth then her "motherly instincts" would kick in and everything will be okay. If not then that baby would have been used as a tool for guilt tripping and manipulation. Not to mention the resentment that would be brewing from both sides and OP will be stuck with another baby for the next 18+ years wondering why her daughter never visits her or the baby.
My mum is 100% convinced I will one day have a sudden urge to be preggers. I'm ace. I have 0 interest in passionate hugging OR babies.I'm of the opinion that bringing a child into a world that is actively falling apart is a terrible decision and honestly... cruel. I don't want any child having to deal with climate change or the financial nightmare we're in. It wasn't fair when our parents did it, it would be even less fair to any kids we have.
@@JadeAnnabelArt This! ☝🏻 I'd also add, that I just don't want to deal with the responsibility of signing my life away for 18+ years. So much time and patience goes into raising a kid, time and patience that I simply do not possess. And having to deal with an actual pregnancy for 9 months? I can barely deal with my cramps each month. Don't get me started on all the risks involved in a pregnancy... it's a nightmare! My "friend" (who complains about being pregnant and never wants a kid again) still thinks my mind will change after finding the right guy. I also told her plenty of times I don't want a relationship but she obviously knows best. lol She's not even gonna be a good mother. She's 6 months pregnant and still smokes like there's no tomorrow. Poor kid...
If women are allowed to have abortions, men should have the right to be absolved of any and all responsibility, if they choose to not have anything to do with that child.
Last story: I can get having an open relationship at the beginning because nothing's happened yet, but how stupid do you have to be the ask for that when you are engaged. Then because he didn't want to deal with OP's feelings he tried to get her to forget he said anything, as if that's possible.
I am a Mexican who was raised Catholic so the first story already struck an immediate nerve. The gaslighting, the hypocrisy, the guilting, oh I’ve heard it all “in the name of our Lord” with the line “it’s my way or the highway”. I had no wiggle room to be my own person, just this imaginary perfect child my mom and aunts wanted me to be, like what OP is doing with her entire family. Which is why the best event in my life so far was when I moved out, and as far away as I could.
She discarded a baby because of a failed relationship. It's gross. This world is so messed up. How many innocent babies are thrown away every day? My heart goes out to these poor souls.
04:28 “temporary inconvenience” a baby is a commitment that will last the rest of your life and effect you even if you aren’t involved. At the bare minimum it will take 20 years without factoring in lost relationships due to abandoning your child once they are an adult. WHAT PART OF THAT IS TEMPORARY.
@@riotplanetxo Alice would be one of those folks walking around in a store, not saying anything to anyone and finding it weird when someone says hello to her and smiles.
Story one: this mom is horrible. She's not standing by her daughters tough decision and is actively making her life more difficult. I'm happy the daughter is able to talk about her abortion publicly, but to be criticized like that by her own mom? So rude Story 2: as a non monogamous person, I ask what the boundaries are at the beginning of each relationship. And here's the shocker: I respect the rules. I've been cheated on, even after offering to open the relationship and bring refused. I'm currently in an open relationship where we made the rules right away. The guy totally cheated in this story
@@SierNotsruht Polyamory =/= cheating. Poly people have relationship rules. Cheaters do not. Poly people can get cheated on. If you're going to talk shit about poly people, get off this channel. Because rslash does talk positively about polyam people and will bring that up as a possibility.
Story one: And OP is gonna wonder why her kids never talk to her lol Honestly kinda wild seeing a story from the perspective of somebody in the wrong, especially on r/bestof (not where the post originated of course but yknow) The mother needs to get over the fact that it isn't HER child or HER choice or HER body and life that could possibly be ruined (no matter what help she offered, there's still so many ways the child and the mother's life could be ruined) I'm somebody who never wants to have kids in my entire life, because I know that if I do I will most likely not be able to care for them properly and I'm not afraid to admit that. I simply don't have the mental capability to care for another child, and any that I possibly have would be set up for failure even if I chose to put them into the system (which sucks) Even if it is a life (which in that stage where you could abort it, it isn't. Just a hypothetical), there are still INCREDIBLY likely situations where the child could be set up for failure or have a terrible life. There's also people who get pregnant at a young age, an age where it would either be dangerous to even undergo the birth process or the child's life could be bad. Either way, doesn't matter if it's a life or not. At this stage (where you can abort it) it technically ISN'T one, but it could be. And that life could be very very poor, for both the child and the parent
@@mariposa9506 Actually it isn't. When I'm talking about life I'm talking about sentient life, this "life" is simply just a bundle of cells. The only real life there is the possibility of it becoming real life, which brings me back to my point of said life being very poor so no it does not matter.
@@_void_with_eyes_ Op offered plenty alternatives, so it's false that this would that bad or damaging for the daughter. The thing none of you understand is that from their perspective this is straight up murder, like it really is how they think so no shit she feels like shit after her whole family did that and are now propagating these ideals that clash so drastically with hers. And to be perfectly honest, her family no longer can be considered Christian because of this.
I absolutely divorced myself from being Catholic for reasons almost identical to the first story. "We're Catholic, we don't [get divorced and have abortions]" and I thought it was bs that some fandom was dictating how I should live my life!
i was in the same situation as the BF in the second story. jumped straight from first serious relationship to marriage. and it ended the same way, albeit after 10 years not three. i'll just say...getting dumped by her was the best thing to happen to me. their relationship wouldn't have worked out and hopefully they'll both be happier in the long run
My current relationship is also my first real relationship I've had, but I love him so much that I couldn't even conceive of being with someone else. That guy was at best a flight risk and probably already cheated/was going to cheat. No way that relationship would last. When you find the one you dont need to experiment with anyone else.
At first I assumed it was just that OP's fiance was just getting a case of cold feet and fomo, which are entirely plausible and understandable feelings before marriage when you're young. But the fact that they only got those feelings from somebody else hitting on them rather than just coming out of nowhere tells me it was more a case of them regretting the idea of being exclusive than anything else.
1st story: sounds like OP did a good enough job od friving away her family by being so damn blinkered when it came to her beliefs. Also, weird that she is more concerned about her first grandchild being 'murdered' than with how her daugter's life could have upended by an unwanted birth. 2nd story: oh look, someone else wanting to use an open relationship as an excuse to cheat...
regarding comments such as yours on abortion, I will always say: "pro-life" people aren't pro-life. they're pro-birth. they give zero shits about what is going to happen to the mother or the baby. they only give a shit that the baby is born.
@@mcawesome9705 thank you! Pro-birthers don’t actually care about the baby or the mother all they care about is it being born. They’ll judge a 16 year old for getting pregnant and then shame her for choosing to abort it
@@mcawesome9705 Yes a lot of people tell each other the lie you always like to tell to help themselves feel better. It has 0 basis in reality but people love making shit up.
@@mariposa9506 If they actually cared, they'd invent a way to take a fetus out of someone's body and volunteer to put it in theirs. That way, the risk of dangerous health issues goes down (unwanted pregnancies raise the mortality rate alone by 300%) and there's no issue with human rights violations (you can't make use of someone else's organs without their consent). And of course, they'd raise the child themselves because giving them up for adoption just further clogs up the already-overcrowded foster system.
@@mariposa9506 for having "0 basis in reality" I sure have seen a lot of "pro-life" people literally not giving a single shit about any person who is actually alive.
The mother in the first story describing pregnancy as a “temporary inconvenience” as if giving birth doesn’t risk life altering consequences, if not death in some cases, and after that you now have a literal human baby you have to take care of for (at least) 18 years.
Especially since unwanted pregnancies are far worse in that regard. The mortality rate alone goes up by 300%, and the mental and physical harm it causes also affects the child they were forced to create.
@@myweb4861 That kinda sounds like victim blaming. What, are you going to tell a person who got in a car accident 'they could've just not been around cars, problem solved'?
@@SentaiYamaneko I don't remember where she said she was graped. She just didn't like the fact that her boyfriend cheated on her and so the baby had to go.
From personal experience if you're afraid of commitment because "you haven't experinced that much" then you're not ready for a relationship, it's good they broke up.
First story: One saying I’ve heard that’s always stuck with me is “if you’re not ready for your kid to be gay, disabled, atheist, etc. then you aren’t ready to be a parent” So if OP wasn’t ready for her kids to be pro-choice, the she wasn’t ready to be a mom
@@mariposa9506 I'm assuming your comment was ment to be sarcastic. But you are in fact absolutely correct. If you aren't ready or willing to deal with the fact that your child might have serious issues like this that the majority might not have and can't be bothered to at least try and deal with it in a reasonable manner instead of just ignoring it or kicking your child to the curb at the first sign of a problem, then no, you aren't ready to be a parent.
In story 1, I’d encourage compassion. If you agree or disagree isn’t the point. It’s clear that she believes it’s murder. So her behavior is consistent with that belief. Her heart is broken because she believes her family has agreed to, supported, and committed murder.
My experience with looking to open our relationship is a little different. When me and my husband were married for two years, I talked about opening the relationship. I didn't realise it at the time but I probably had post natal depression. I wasn't sexually attracted to my husband but I felt bad turning down sex. And it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex at all, I just didn't want him (it's a happy ending. We've been married ten years and I've never been happier). I didn't have anyone in mind but I can't say I've never fancied anyone else. Even people in happy, monogamous relationships can look. After some discussion he agreed but the first time I told him that I had met someone that I was considering having sex with he realised that it wasn't something he wanted and that it broke his heart to imagine me with someone else. I messaged the guy to tell him I wouldn't be seeing him and blocked him and that was the end of that. I've never cheated and I wouldn't. Afterwards, I asked him if he'd be able to move past this. I hadn't done more than text the other person. He said that since that was the case, he was okay with it and we've never looked back. He trusts me and I trust him. That being said, OP definitely had to leave in that situation. If she couldn't trust him, even if he hadn't done anything yet, then the relationship was never going to survive. Situations aren't always as black and white as we make them out to be, although that's the nature of reddit. Sorry this was long, I just suddenly felt the need to get this off my chest
I had a similar situation where I had never considered an open relationship prior to marrying my wife simply because I had never heard of the concept. I had been married for years and had wanted to flirt and more with other people, all the while thinking that I was a horrible person for even being attracted to anyone other than my wife. I thought I just had to ignore those feelings and the feeling of something missing in my life. Then one day I learned about open relationships. I learned that there was an option other than monogamy or cheating. I dove into learning about this lifestyle and it was like finding a piece of myself I didn’t realize I had lost. I excitedly spoke with my wife about what I had found. We decided to try opening our marriage to see how it felt. I went on a few dates, although there was never anything physical while my wife had a short relationship with a coworker. I was always excited when she came how to hear how things were going, but she didn’t seem as excited when I returned home. When we spoke about this, she said she just wasn’t as excited about trying to date others as she didn’t think she’d find someone who made her happy like I did. (She’s so sweet!) We had several more conversations and I broke things off with the woman I had been going out with. After we went back to a closed relationship, things were much easier for me since I didn’t feel like I had some ‘broken’ part of me trying to get me to cheat, but rather I just had a part of me that was different from my wife. Knowing that, it was easy to choose monogamy since my wife was, and always had been, the most important person to me. Dating others was fun and exciting, but my marriage was more important by far. In short, being able to choose felt like the difference between hugging someone because you want to versus hugging someone because you feel forced to. Either way the physical act is the same, but the element of choice makes all the difference. I no longer feel tormented by the desire to date others. I just know that for this part of my life I’m monogamous. Maybe later that will change, maybe it won’t. Either way I’m happy and so is my wife.
@@orangutantapioca1530 That's a very good story. To me, it seems very similar to when I was diagnosed with chronic (invisible) illnesses. I had the reassurance that no, I'm not crazy, this is a thing, and I was able to make informed choices with my understanding of how my situation was different than some random everyman. As you said, it made things SO much easier to navigate and, like you, I realized I didn't have to hate myself for operating differently, so long as I do it with integrity and my best effort.
Yeah, this relationship wasn't working. No way. If she lost trust that fast, she didn't trust him anyway. He shoulda brought this up way earlier, and told the truth, but this relationship was doomed to fail.
the prolife/prochioice story - the mom is saying that once you have a kid you have to care for them, feed them, clothe them, pay for childcare, extra dr appointments for yourself and the child, taking time off work to do those things, missing work due to sickness of child etc - the daughter has made it clear that she doesn't want that life, she doesnt want to be tied down that way. so how is OP caring for her child by forcing a child onto the daughter that will make her miserable.
@@boogaloobender3462 it's a lot more than being 'inconvenienced' - pregnancy is hard on it's own, and assuming there are no complication, a person can still have lasting effects to their body. Nerve damage, problems with the joints around your hips, dental issues are a big one. all that on top of having to deal with the challenges of being a parent. mental emotional and financial. And that isn't even looking at the fact that science has found that until about half way through the pregnancy, the fetus has the same brain function as someone declared to be brain dead, someone who's family is asked to make the choice to keep life support or let them go. No one has a problem with that in our society.
I don't get why people are so focused on it being a human life. Like, an octopus's arm has more intelligence than a fetus, yet people eat calamari. That's not even hyperbole, octopus arms have personalities, and have been known to fight arms they don't like and continue to function after being removed. Ducks are more intelligent than a new born baby! But duck hunting is okay. My point is it's a double standard, and at some point you have to weigh the well being of something that isn't as intelligent as a duck vs a woman's (sometimes a child's) well being. Most people would kill a duck to save a woman. Why is the fetus any different?
@boogaloobender3462 so if you don't like the idea of abortion than all males at birth will give a DNA sample. This way they can be hunted down forced to pay child support
I think for the first story... fair enough. I don't think the gravity, that you are taking a life is instilled in this younger generation, nor living with consequences (she chose a bad partner). Some of the things I have seen with the young generations of women wanting abortion rights is appalling (eg promoting last trimester abortion or even being so callus at the killing babies part)... I think all those women who originally fought for abortion rights would be appalled and deeply disappointed. Pro choice doesn't mean being an ahole about it. I think this grandmother's pain is real and honest. At the same time it must be very tricky when family members don't agree on moral values such as this.
Third-trimester abortions are exclusively for medical emergencies. Also, you are not 'taking a life'. A fetus can't be considered human without a functional brainstem; we're corpses when we don't have that. They don't have that until around the end of the second trimester, which is why that's the cutoff point outside of emergencies.
@Советский коммунист КГБ шпион fetus is not alive. It had no higher brain function at that time. We can go somewhere off life support because they don't have higher brain function. When fetuses don't have higher brain function than alive. And yes, a living breathing actual human being what comes out is no different than what comes out in any other menstrual cycle. Edit and for you to bring Evolution into it just stupid. Evolutionary, it's more important for the mother to survive than a fetus. That's why animals can abort their babies.
@Sier Notsruht Because it's her body, not anyone else's. YOU can choose not to abort, but you have no right to take away anyone else's choice because you don't like it. Same goes for gay rights, premarital sex, and whatever else you believe some vengeful God will punish.
Huh, the OP in the first story always says she's going to pray or asks others to pray. She never asks for advice or tries to understand, she just stubbornly holds to her faith and is devastated when those around her don't. It's sad.
I take one set of hand working to come to an understanding to make things better than I would take a million sets hands praying. Praying doesn't fix anything actions and commitment do. It's like politicians that send out thoughts and prayers every time there's a mass shooting but never do anything to fix the problem.
@@mariposa9506 well good for them but they're wrong. Everybody sitting around praying not doing any work isn't going to change anything. You have to get up and do. If praying worked we'd have World Peace if praying worked no one would get sick if praying worked everyone would have enough money to feed their families
*First OP:* It’s sad that OP let her faith and “family values” interfere with her actual family. Best of luck to everyone involved, including OP; I hope she’ll come around eventually. Slight nitpick: I agree with what rSlash is saying, but I think he says “Pro-life” when he means “Pro-choice,” and vice-versa. *Second OP:* OP did the right thing breaking off the engagement (for the time being). I hope OP’s ex realized what a good thing he had and messed up. Or, things might go well between him and the barista. Who knows?
Yea, but if you truly believe it's murder your not going to change your opinion just because everyone else is. If you were related to Ted Bundy would you just change you views and say he in the right because he's family.
So if your kid kills someone you need to be fine with it so you don't harm your family relationship? Since prochoicers pretend there wasn't killing, you may relate better to the example of your kid killing a born 2 year old. Don't want to upset the family just for your values right?
@@BorninVirginia Yeah that's a huge thing that people who are pro-choice just DON'T seem to get. An abortion isn't just a small insignificant thing to someone who's pro-life. It's a murder to them, and you can't just expect someone to get over a murder.
@@mariposa9506 No, it's more like if you wanted to force your kid to give a kidney to someone who would die without it and they said no. Also, no working brainstem, not alive, no killing. If you still cannot grasp these basic biological and ethical concepts, then you're clearly incapable of having a proper discussion on the matter.
Last story, op dodged a bullet. Honestly open relationships just seem like an excuse to mess around and majority of the time, it destroys a relationship. That would 1000% be a dealbreaker. Especially since they’re engaged. Marriage is the biggest form of commitment. To piss it away for a crush on some girl he barely knows just shows how little he really cared for OP. I don’t blame her. I’m engaged now, my partner has been my first for everything. I don’t feel like I’m missing out and I’m grateful that he’s my person. I wouldn’t give that up for anything, especially a petty and superficial crush.
Story 2: well, that wasn't very stable relationship if one person asking phone number can break it. I think op is lucky that is happened now and not after they already get married.
If all it takes is a girl asking for his number for him to waver, then yeah that marriage wouldn't have lasted. Also, this fear of "missing out" is a fallacy. My mom was my Dad's first and only with everything. Why loose what you already got?
story 1: the op makes me grit my teeth. So she wanted her daughter to raise a child that she would forever resent? Not mom's choice and her daughter is an adult.
Resenting a child for your own choices amd mistakes is so wrong...and abusive. If you don't want to have children don't have sex....after all a baby is the end result of sex. Also my mothercgave me good advice as a teen....if they are not good enough to marry than they are not goid enough to have sex with
@@johnnagustafson9996 by your logic, we should deny chemotherapy treatment to anyone who smokes or does any activity that increases the chance of cancer. Consent to sex isn’t consent to pregnancy. If a baby was supposed to be the end result of sex, then pregnancy would be successful almost always compared to the 1/3-1/2 of them that end spontaneously.
Story 1: You can't force your values on another person. Once your kid is 20, they are living their life, you're not living their life. Story 2: Had my fiancée tell me the same thing - she wasn't sure if she was ready to be Mrs. Souris Voleur, so she wanted to try dating other people. I went along for a while then finally it hurt so bad, I had to call it off. I didn't date again for a few years after that.
Yeah, I hate that someone will get cold feet, then want to put someone who has treated them well on the backburner as a backup plan incase whoever they pursue isn't the one.
Story 2: if your partner asks for an open relationship, there's only 2 reasons why, they're either already cheating or have someone in mind that they want to be with. It's a sure sign of a failing relationship and opening the relationship will only make it end faster.
I don’t understand where this believes come from. What is the alternative? Him just not saying anything? Then always thinking about the woulds and ifs? Is this better for a relationship? Heck can no one just communicate with the partner? And find a solution that just works With those reactions I am not surprised about the number of breakups and divorces
@@nukularpictures he clearly wasn't prepared to be married, using "lack of experience" as a reason to try to open the relationship. Sure there are some anomalies where previously closed relationships can work as an open relationships but the vast majority of the ones you see and read about will always end in the relationship burning itself down from the inside. And this story proves what I said previously, he was already looking for someone to be with before he even brought up opening the relationship to his fiancée. His actions are sketchy at best giving him every benefit of the doubt but with everything we see he's a sack of shit.
@@Lulu-xl5cm the baby would of grown up in a horrid horrid broken world with a grandparent that insulted its mom and told her she wouldnonly love her if she was catholic Thats no life at all.
OP1: "Our family, like all Mexican families" The abortion issue is an extremely complicated one but THIS kind of statement makes someone an a-hole, period.
Story 2: Open relationships usually fail, and based on stories I've seen, it's been used by people as an excuse to cheat. I have never seen such a relationship work
Also his logic is just terrible I only had one relationship that lasted about a week before meeting my current partner for so many years yet I'm not afraid of "missing out" because if you love someone you're not missing anything
I've been in an open relationship for a while and my partner is about to celebrate his two years with his partner who does have sex with others. It can work but a lot of communication is needed and a lot of open mindedness on all sides. It's absolutely not for everyone.
It heavily depends on the people. I know a couple who are in an open relationship because both have a few kinks they don't share together but can act out with others. They are happy for years now. But yeah I guess most people aren't made for those relationships
Second story : Whenever someone says they want to "open the relationship" ... It's because they want to cheat without feeling guilty. OP's first update confirmed this. Wouldn't be surprised if he did cheat already. You did good getting rid of him.
As someone who does not want to be in any kind of monogamous relationship it hurts quite a bit the rep we get because of situations like this one, if a relationship is failing opening it up is not a solution, you require a lot of active comunication and trust in any healthy relationship,and some may argue on an open one even more. So yeah, this stories that get posted on reddit of course are destined to fail, because they already had profund problems and instead of working on them they just patch it up with a new dinamic, just like other generations did with babys, and we all know how that turned out. An open relationship is not a quick fix, it's something that needs a solid fundation and to be actively cared for, and this goes as any type relationship imo, but if you're still figuring it out it just makes sense that it'll take even more effort. So in conclusion, just don't add things to worry about on top of your problems, it's okay to be scared at them, but look them in the face or you're just making things harder for yourself
That lady from first story is upset at, from what it boils down to, the fact that she raised her kids to be independent critical thinkers that stand up for people who need it. Bro bye.
'She murdered my precious grandbaby! who cares if my daughter has to drop out of a prestigious school that she worked hard to get into, and throw away her future?'
Orrr, it shows you haven't thought deep enough about the abortion issue. It isn't "off" to care about the life of a child. That you don't even have understanding and sympathy for the pro-lifers position, or acknowledge the death that occurs during an abortion, makes it seem like YOU are "off". If you were truly pro-choice, you would also accept this grandmother's choice. It must be very difficult when family members have differing morality. That isn't "off" it is reality. Don't ever look down at the pro-lifers. They are following their convictions too.
@@dudeorduuude5211 Not really. It's sure it's her choice to feel a way about it but she can't force her daughter to keep the kid. Which is what she was trying to do. Not even caring about her daughters feelings at all, instead about this unborn fetus she doesn't even know but of her own child just wanting support? "Well she's trying to kill a baby" so her feelings seems to be out of the question. The convincing and the fact that she kept at it at "this is murder you can't do this! I'll do anything" is off, it's simply not her business what she does with her own body.
