r/Iamverybada$$ | Dr. Jordan B Crying 

There was actually a news story earlier this year about two college guys hiking in Wyoming who were attacked by a grizzly and survived. The bear went for one of them and started mauling him, and the other man TACKLED the bear and managed to fight it off his friend and pull him to safety. They both survived. Now that is ACTUALLY badass, and I admire that guy so much for not running away like I would have.

“Is the beast in you gay?” I cannot I’m literally dying 😭😭😭😭

Thinking you can take down a hippo barehanded has to be the most insane out of touch thing you can think

Some people really think being a murderer is cool don't they? Smh.

I swear these guys really wanna physically hurt people to show their “strength”, but would get their butts handed to them in an actual fight

3:09 neurotypical woman bruh what??? "You look so girly that you don't look autistic" 💀💀💀💀

a african guide once told my family, "if you are in the area of an elephant, back away slowly and make no loud noises, if you are near a lion, do not make eye contact, and back off slowly; and if you are in the water with a hippo, the only thing left for you to do is pray for your life." so id love to see that man get dominated by a hippo.

As someone that used to be that guy (and in my defense, I was still an actual, literally child at that point,) can confirm: was sad and needed help. Now, to be fair, I was actually fairly threatening at first but only because I had a super early, but short-lived growth spurt. Once the rest of my grade outgrew me, I was about as threatening as one of those oversized teddy bears from Costco. Being shorter than average as an adult, I'm still about as dangerous as that same teddy bear 😂 I'll still say stupid stuff like this when I get mad but it's only to myself when I'm alone and it's more as just a vent/release of emotion thing. And that's only because I still haven't been cleared to excercise or go back to the gym (where I usually go to vent) after a surgery. Basically, big mean words make tiny angry man in brain go shush because tiny angry man can't go shush by lifting heavy things right now. I just keep the mean words private, unlike these dorks.

Let them do it. Fight the hippo barehanded with no prep. We'll livestream it and give any profits to charity.

Hippo’s are the embodiment of black air force energy. They are pretty fast tanks with no chill. Even shooting at them would very dangerous, they just have that much fat.

got a friend like this... dude was in the army for about 5 or 6 months. literally did his basic training in an artillery unit and got fired a short while later. why exactly I'm not sure. Anyways he doesn't get tired to mention "his time in the army" and how he can empathize with soldiers in war zones, how he trained artillerists and blablabla... Everytime he starts I can't help but think "yeah dude, keep talking. I'm the one who served his 4 years and left with honors but you surely know better" One day when the time is right I'm going to drop something and it'll be glorious.

8:14 seriously the others might try to eat you but the hippo is just out to destroy your existence because you happen to be too close. No. Tbh the best survival chance is the gator because they're relatively chill when not actively hunting and you can hold their jaws closed if you're careful and practiced. (Also that's a gator, gators have more rounded and bulky builds and don't show bottom teeth with their mouth is closed(

I grew up in an area with a lot of hunters so almost everyone had a shotgun or rifle in their truck. Even then they never felt the need to show off to random people "hey look at my gun!" They also never felt the need to take it into a store with them. If I saw a dude walk into a random McDonald's with a rifle slung across his back I would feel MORE afraid because how the eff do I know whether that guy thinks he's gonna be the brave hero or if he's the psycho shooter.

All these "I've trained MMA for..." make me laugh. I've trained Muay Thai for less than a year and I can tell that whoever claims they can beat a hippo hasn't hit a bag in their entire life

"I would challenge you to a battle of wits, But I do not fight the unarmed." would've been such a good comeback if if weren't used by a wannabe badass

I now have audio of Robin howling. This... This may be a decent start to a Monday after all. Now, let us all join and lightly poke fun at those who need to remind everyone how big and important they are. Especially rocket boy - those billions will never buy him an ounce of awareness.

i suffer from violent anger issues and an empathy disorder or two, so whenever i start thinking "man, i should start fighting back and show these people the true, demonic and rabid anger i can have" i watch these videos to calm myself lmao. i'm 5'3 and made of sticks, i couldn't do shit but cry 😭😭😭

You'd definitely have a better chance of surviving the alligator/croc on land than any of the others. The general consensus of "how to survive this thing chasing you" is to just zig zag the son of a lizard around, because they have trouble following the movements. In other words, RUN AWAY. Even if there's not enough space to actually escape, keeping it occupied that way for twenty minutes would be a lot easier than trying to wrangle it

9:28 Well, i would chose a bear. On the condition fight is gonna be at the winter. I would need to just sit quietly while he is hibernated, so I'm OK.

Not sure that calling out the guy who claims that he can take on dinosaurs is a good idea. Next thing you know, you will read about a Florida Man who went nuts hacking away at dinosaur skeletons with a katana and asking where the living ones are.

Out of the four animals, I think an average person has the best chance of surviving a crocodile. Not sure but I've heard they have an extremely powerful bite but struggle with opening their mouths when you're holding it shut.

Anytime I see a post like this I just think "Timmy stop being edgy on the internet."

I can't believe Robin can't tell the difference between a croc and a gator. I mean, come on! we all know crocodiles eat babies in a C shape and alligators eat babies in an A shape!

I LOVE hearing some one go on about how they they're dangerous because they practice a "martial art", when they've recently been shown to be absolute BS against folks who will actually put up a fight rather then this respectful dance they all do lmao.

I wonder how much less often these people would say these things if therapy was more socially acceptable.

9:37 Last I heard, alligator/crocodiles are ambush predators. As long as you keep away from the water (they have no problems waiting for long periods of time), you should be safe.

I love how people get offended, saying Cis is a slur, but they will also probably keep saying homophobic shit online themselves, because getting called "Cis" would mean being on the same level as "the gays".

I love the old joke: " Don't mess with me, i killed half a dozen men in the Army!" 'I thought you were a helicopter mechanic?' "I didn't say I was a good one!"

"These people want to kill people." Correction: They THINK they do, because they're immature and don't fully grasp what exactly they think they want.

8:00 bare handed your best chance is that crocodile, it'll obliterate you if you get in the water for even a second or if it bites you anywhere. Since it's "only" one you can *probably* survive as long as you hold it's mouth shut (if you didn't already know their mouths open very weakly, like a couple rubber bands can hold their mouths shut.)

The devil whispers 'you cannot withstand the storm' I whisper back "At least I didn't lose my shiny golden fiddle to some Georgian Hillbilly"

If you can keep the croc's mouth closed (which is fairly easy to do, since the muscles in their jaws are made for snapping closed with a lot of strength, not opening them), I think you'd be ok. Of course, you'd need to get close without being bit first, so, yeah..... I'd just climb a tree and stay there for 20 minutes.

I'm 6'6 and am about as intimidating as an azalea bush. And I've got ptsd from a personal issue id rather just be left at that and my military service (USAF medic from 1988 until 1996)

7:53 Yeah, people don't realize just how scary hippos are. You'd think it'd be the easiest if your other options are bear, tiger, and croc-o-gator, but looks can be very deceiving.

7:48 it really mostly depends on if they're in their natural habitat. Like in water a crocodile would basically murder you before you can realize he's there. However, on flat land the best bet would be a crocodile. You really just have to get on their back without being bit, and from there you can pin them down. Maybe flip them aswell. Which is harder then it sounds, but it's also better then trying to somehow survive bears who are litteraly bullet-proof.

4:43 Damn, Stan. Special Forces, Navy Seal and Green Beret? Didn't have time to be a Ranger?

Depends on WHICH bear... you can just feign death for 20 minute with some bears. Tiger and bear, depending on type: You COULD scream at for 20 minutes to intimidate. Croc: They are fast and agile, but if you stomp their chomp, they are helpless.Though, if they are in water or not: Determines A LOT. Hippo: Yeah, no. Ur fricked.

For the one where you have to survive for 20 minutes, the gator? croc? I never know how to tell them apart lmao Anyway, that one is the most realistic, because all of their jaw muscle is in chomping down, not opening up. So the average person could hold their mouth closed if push came to shove. However, most likely, you wouldn't even have to do so. They don't attack people without provocation or desperation. Just let the dude vibe in the water, and stay at the opposite end of your enclosure, and you'll be chill

I remember when I was like 11-12 I used to be one of those people, thank the lord I matured and don't think I am a total badass and I now realize I could get my ass beat by your average male

goddamn 2/5 of the comments are bots already youtube do something

Bro the dude saying he could fight a hippo is wild 💀

HELP, THE BOTS

honesly i'd like to see how a lot of these guys would deal with a kick in the balls

i will never get people who brag about how angry they are. i'm a very angry person, even the tiniest thing could send me into a tantrum... but i don't brag about it, because it's nothing to brag about. i hate being angry, when i'm angry, i turn into a tiny caveman, who just beats inanimate objects that more times than not hurt me more, and gets out of breath because my temper tantrum wore my fat ass out. but my anger used to be so much worse, like, i'd have blackouts from being angry, and let me tell you, that's one of the most terrifying feelings ever, being so angry that you literally have no control of your mind and body. i've since been going to therapy and taking medication to help me control my anger, but the point is, being overly angry isn't something to brag about, that's something that needs to be controlled, because anger is one of the most dangerous emotions. sure, it's natural to be angry, that's just what humans do, but you need to deal with it in a healthy way or you run a very high risk of hurting yourself or other people, whether it be physically hurting someone, or saying something you don't mean. if you use your anger to seem more tough, then you need help, because using your anger as a threat is not okay.

Crocs the best shot 😂, they can't really turn backwards that well, and you can shop them temperature by grabbing their neck/under chin part.😅, So there's a shot, rest are instant death.

If you have a weapon in your car, traceable or not, its even more important to not leave the thing unlocked. Also the beep isnt so people dont steal your gun, its cause leaving the keys in the car gets the car stolen

Like cooks would have your jugular vein with a spatula then flip the burger without missing a beat.

For the one about which one you would fight for 100 million, definitely the croc. You can easily close it's mouth, and because of weird biology, it can't open it back up again

Fun fact: Hippos are the evolution of dolphins that came on to land

My god, there's so much more that a hippo can and is known to do. Those tusks? Yeah those will shred you to pieces. Any idiot boasting about being able to fight one I bet real money that they would absolutely shit their pants when faced with one of those killing machines running at them.

8:45, fun fact about hippos, they eat watermelons like their taffy and have about an inch layer of fat so they are roughly around 4,000 pounds of muscle, also every video you see of a hippo chasing a boat and its head is barely peaking over the water and keeping up with the boat….it isnt swimming, its running under water because they physically cant swim because they have low body fat and a lot of really dense muscle so they sink like rocks and are pretty much bulletproof if you use anything smaller than a 4 bore rifle, oh and lets not forget their first response to anything is violence, if i had to choose between these four animals i would go with either a tiger or gator, cuz for the gator i could just climb a tree and be fine and the tiger i just need to have my eyes on at all times but also just keep my distance and make sure it cant get above or behind me because they are ambush predators and if they feel like they dont have the element of surprise they usually wont bother trying to attack, aso i chose tiger over bear because no matter how much you pay me i can not stay in the fetal position for 20 minutes or play dead for that long in general, i can only do that if im asleep and you got me fucked up if you think imma fall asleep near a bear and if that bitch got cubs im fucked either way

the guy at 2:01 was lying, the 82nd airborne division was in 1917

No, you can not beat a hippo bear handed, you just cant. (Personally i would chose bear cause if your lucky staying quiet and still will get it to ignore you, they don't tend to see humans as pray and aren't angry assholes like hippos)

Sup Robin and EmKay team, y'all rock keep up the good work, I watch you guys after work to get a little laugh.

12:07 They probably never bother him because they feel very uncomfortable and don't confront creep strangers they know are crazy. You wouldn't walk up to a person wearing a hospital gown with crazy eyes!

11:32 honestly at five he probably did have no reaction to the movie alien because he was *five.* It's common for five year olds (as well as most young kids in general) to not have "proper" reactions to things, they tend to have really big reactions to things that typically don't matter (to your typical adult) and small reactions to things that would generally warrant a bigger reaction. Most children (that young) don't fully understand what they're watching when its through a screen anyway its just visual stimulation and noise.

9:35 Depends on what kind of bear that is. If that is a grizzly (I can't tell), then yeah, I'd go with the croc if it is on land. But if that's a black bear or whatever, I'd go with the bear. Most bears are only aggressive towards humans when they are hungry and got nothing else to eat, or when you threaten them territorially (don't take this as advice for dealing with bears, I am not a bear expert, just a bear enjoyer)

I feel like of the four animals in that one post, I'd take my chances with the tiger. It seems pretty chill and not in the mood to eat my flesh

Fun Fact: at 2:38 the proper reading of Matthew 7:5 is "Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." I'm Anti-Theist and apparently I know more about the Bible then whatever this dude was

Why do some people seem to think everything in the world will eventually come down to a fight? If you try to start a fight, I will leave and call the cops. Let's see how much good your MMA/BJJ/etc training does you, then. Even if you beat me up, how is that going to help when facing formal charges? How about instead of screwing yourself over by starting a violent altercation, you just....listen to the other person's complaints, or tell them to screw off if you don't want to?

8:20, i’ll take on the tiger… i never leave the house without catnip… i will leave running but with a cat high as frack behind me…

As a person who does jiu jitsu we are not that good hell, I’m 95th for my age and still couldn’t win a lot of street fights just because, oh look, they have a gun

I'm 5'9", 138 pounds and female. Mr 220 at 6'4" must look VERY flabby. His only intimidating factor will his BO.

dude i have anger issues and these types of posts while making my stomach ache from laughing so hard also make me want to bury my head in the ground

Interesting how the "badass" people on this sub cannot English.

Either the sub guy is made of solid metal or he hasn't watched all the videos explaining what happens during a catastrophic implosion. "Everyone else would be made into super-heated soup, but I'd be fine. The air in the sub would be squeezed to the size of a pin head, but I would be able to breathe it for the 2 mile swim back to the surface!" Sorry, I am a little traumatised by the whole thing!

15:03 WHO WOULDN'T WANNA LIVE IN THE WOODS LISTENING TO MUSIC AND PLAYING WITH LIZARDS????

3:56 I am a line cook, and other cooks who take this attitude are the absolute worst. If you can't handle your temper, if you are constantly on edge and ready to blow up, if you feel the need to threaten your coworkers, you need to work somewhere else. Don't bring that BS onto the line. We're all under a lot of stress. You ain't special. Get therapy or an addiction. For legal reasons, I am not actually advising people to get addicted to drugs/alcohol. Though in the field, where we do have access, it is quite common to find cooks with some form of substance problem.

As someone who actually is both strong and suffering from anger issues, it really annoys me to see people present that violence and dominating attitude as a good thing. It's not. It's something I've worked very hard to move past and I'm not proud of the rare, maybe once a year occasions where I get violent and agressive. Hurting people isn't a good thing, throwing a tantrum dosent make u the joker

14:35 he been getting people in dino costumes with his swords

4:28 Is that a tommy gun? Those guns are outlawed and illegal. That's not good! But they'd probably say it makes them more badass. They aren't being serious, but if somehow in a chance smaller than a pin being found 100,000 miles under the surface of a star millions of light-years away being found by human hands they are serious, they would be crying in prison.

Tbh, Reddit without this guy, Reddit wouldn't be the same. Edit 1: Also, first!! Edit 2: Found out that I'm not first so... ok

7:53-8:05 That's actually true. Hippos are not only extremely aggressive and territorial, but they are way faster than they look. Especially in the water. On top of that, they have a bite force that can crush a watermelon to pulp within seconds. Screw the bear vs. gorilla debate, because a hippo would take them both out no problem.

7:56 I'd pick the croc. He'd probably be the one you could stay ahead of the longest. At least on land.

I hate this.

Well that was possibly the worst opening to a video I've ever heard, good on ya Robin

For anyone curious who doesnt know a lot about jiu jitsu ill talk about it here since i did it for a while and am thinking of returning (went on a break because of an injury and just never returned ig) so this type of martial arts focuses on self defense and on the ground grappling. It teaches you stuff like how to take a kick to knock someone down and how to pin someone down so theyre unable to get up or punch you. There is also other moves like the armbar which sole purpose is to kinda go on the offense but it focuses on defense. Just a little info for anyone curious

I don’t get why people would happily brag about saying they look scary and unapproachable like it’s some kind of Medal of Honor. If someone told me I look that way Ide just feel sad

I would have survived the sub accident. In fact I did, mostly by not getting in the stupid thing.

can someone explain why these all supposedly train jiu jitsu? there are other martial arts, why is it only jiu jitsu?

I know karate, Jujitsu, Arnis and several other dangerous words.

7:52 Welp. The bear can easily wreck my sh!t. The tiger, too, can wreck my sh!t. The hippo can comfortably crush my skull in its jaws, and thereby wreck my sh!t. But here’s the neat thing about gators. The muscles they use to open their jaws are a lot weaker than those that close them, theoretically wrecking your sh!t. But, if you’re allowed to bring (or can find) something, anything, to clamp its jaws shut, that $100 million is as good as yours. Still dangerous, and I wouldn’t want to do it, but I figure that’d be my best shot at it.

Lmao I didn’t know my PTSD could be used to intimate somebody 😭😂💀 I’ve been using it wrong I guess

a knife is not a good weapon for fighting a hippo; as their skin is 8 inches thick.

i think that's an alligator, they are actually very shy creatures and only eat small prey, if you move as far as possible, they won't try to attack u for the most part. but if its a croc, then you would be in the worst condition because they actively look out for larger prey than themselves including humans to eat.

As someone who use to put up a “I’mma badass don’t mess with me!” Front, I’m genuinely baffled internet tough guys exist

I would rather go up against the tigar than the hippo, bear or croc/gator. Crocodilians are ridiculously fast when they want to be. All of them have more strength and speed than I do. All of them seim far better than I do. I'm hoping that tiger is accustomed to humans, relaxed, and not hungry. The others will eat me anyway, under those conditions the tiger will completely ignore my unthreatening self.

The last line in the video 💀💀 bro really regurgitated a centuries old Shakespearean insult and thought he did something.

13:21 Yeah if someone said this to me in person then I would ether walk/run away or throw chili powder and sand in their eyes then run. However online you can just spam worms at them and it'll work. Pocket sand n' chili powder! I mostly only have the chili powder as I don't know where any sand is. Not badass but truly but just using what I know from King of the hill. I've only ever seen the pocket sand clip. Like that is the only thing I know about the show other than Bobby

out of those 4 animals, i would rather take on the crocodile

7:52 the Tiger in theory would actually be the least deadly so long as you keep eye contact/ have a mask on the back of your head to give the illusion of eyes. Keep calm and not try and run but also keep your distance as much as possible. Although I admit I don't know enough about the bear or croc? (can't tell if the teeth would stick out the mouth or not from this image) to say for certain though. The Hippo is the most dangerous and aggressive.

About the four animals: A tiger won't attack if it thinks it has lost the element of surprise. In other words, as long as you maintain eye contact, you're safe. Well, unless you killed its gf, in which case not even God can save you. So, I can see why you'd pick the crocodile. Same, by the way. It's also the only animal on this list that won't be guaranteed to kill you once it has decided that you're too annoying to continue living.

It's like every comment came before leaving the theater after seeing an ass-kicking-action-flick: they wish someone comes at them then fumble an attempted robbery, so they could show their inner unleashed beast-mode demon dark-side of pure-edge-lord fantasy-fulfillment. (reality) I got jumped by four gang-bangers so I curled up really-hard and they stopped kicking me eventually, I'm so badass.

Don't threaten me. Do. Not. Threaten. Me. I will do absolutely nothing cause I'm only 5'2. but I will bite your ankles and steal your pets.

Yeah I’m a 6’2 trans guy, I’m a boxer and I have way to many tattoos, and you know who’s scared of me? 3 year olds. And that would be because I’m a stranger. And I tip of that, most of my tattoos are stupid, one is a brachiosaurus with a flower for a head.

The only one of those 4 animals I'd even recommend trying to take on is the croc. There are people who wrangle crocs barehanded for a day job, where all the other animals typically involve tranquillizer rifles before people even want to get close to them, let alone take them on in a fight.

Out of the four animals, I'll do 20 mins with the croc on land for the 100 million, I've got literally no chance with the other 3. Also, a hippo kills an average of 500 people a year in Africa and can reach running speeds faster than Usain Bolt so yeah, no human being is beating a hippo one on one.

Big dudes dont really intimidate me since a lot of my closest family members are tall, so just imagine a scrawny 5'4 hothead trying to square up with tall, buff dudes lmao. I'm an idiot, and it WILL kill me one day

Of the 20 minutes with one of the 4 animals. The tiger would be the safest. All you have to do is keep your eyes on it, rhey rarely attack prey that is watching them and can react, see the stories about the villagers in India that were masks on the back of their heads as tiger deterrent when going travelong through the forests. Also if it's already eaten recently rhat tiger is just going to laze around the whole time. If it's hungry it wont make a move if you look like you'll put up too much of a fight. Most big cats are like this, they don't burn energy unnecessarily.

Crocs are super fast on land. Though the croc is the right choice, you want it to be in water and you can swim under him with scuba gear, you'll be ok. He can't look down as long as you stay calm and dont bother him, he won't know you're even there.