r/StupidFood - Kitchen Warcrimes 🤮 

Please note that I'm wearing a pineapple apron for this video. This is a cultural statement that pineapple belongs on pizza a vote for me is a vote for pineapple pizza

Fun animal fact: Meows are not an innate cat language. They developed them to communicate with us! While cats can make more than 100 different sounds, dogs only make around 10.

Fun Fact: Gold leaf is not all that expensive, since it's such a tiny amount of gold. You can get a small stack of leaflets for 10-20 USD. Chefs who don't know what they're doing will throw gold leaf on bad food to jack up the price and make it look fancy, even though the cost of the materials is nowhere near as much, as seen in the chicken nuggets example. Gold is chemically inert, so it won't do anything to your body, but that's still a waste. Bad chefs will also do this with caviar, even though that's not what you're supposed to do with caviar.

Another thing I want to point out about doing charity and publishing it: sometimes it can actually motivate other people to help too. Seeing a video of someone doing a good deed, many times makes me want to do so as well

The wedding cake unicorn barf thing was absolutely fetish content. It was essentially edging the viewer the entire time.

Seeing people commit food war crimes makes me feel better about my cooking skills(or lack thereof)

Americans don't put cheddar cheese on everything; they put American cheese on everything--a flavorless processed cheese with a low melting point. Source: I'm American, and I *wish* we put flavorful cheddar on everything!

I’m not a violent person, but the unicorn barf wedding cake made me want to punch that guy so much!

Ya’ know, the drawn out cake icing video would have been worth it if at the end the bride broke down into tears and said, “but it looks awful.”

I once quit a job, as a chef, bc my employer has no idea what 'Blackened' meant, I spent 2 months trying to explain it, until I realized, working for *morons* is not worth it. Upped myself to a job that paid 4$ more per hour, and actually listen to me.

Someone _please_ teach The Click how to look after his knives. All I can think about is how much work it's going to take to fix up those edges.

I love how this subreddit called stupid food, every once and a while, there are really beautiful and wholesome dishes, lol.

My first time at a somewhat fancy restaurant I was disappointed at my tiny circle of bread with cheese that tasted awful and like 1 sprig of something green. However, I didn’t know it was fancy at first because you could have your dog lay under the table and they served her a bowl of water and treats that looked like a hamburger and fries. So it was worth it.

My cousin and I were born exactly a year apart to the day. We always celebrated our birthdays together, and chose the birthday meal together. When I was turning 15 and she was turning 16, we decided that we just wanted to give our moms a list of demands. They were as follows: - No silverware - Potatoes - Broccoli - Something with cheese When we sat down for dinner, the table had been covered in brown paper and the floor underneath with a plastic tarp. My mom and aunt brought in bowls, flipped them upside down on the table, and then lifted them like a cloche. I don't think I've ever heard two grown women laugh more gleefully than they did at the glorious mess. That day, we ate with our hands off the table, and it was messy and glorious. I hope that everyone gets the chance one day to forsake our cultural silverware and dishes and just grab a cheese-covered potato cube from the table directly in front of your uncle and cackle as he fails to steal it back. Messy? Yes. But absolutely worth doing at least once. You won't forget it.

12:06 That sure is a Caesar sallad... it was stabbed just like Caesar.

I want someone to draw Click with his ominous knives. He just looks down right scary with those things.

That joke about cannibalism only being okay when consensual reminds me of that story about the guy who was arrested for being an "ethical" cannibal. Man posted online that he was looking for someone to cannibalize and more than once people went to his house before backing out and he let them go no problem! He had no interest in eating anyone who wasn't 100% for it. Wild story. He's in jail and, if iirc, he is now a vegetarian.

Fun fact: Back in 2001, a German man by the name of Armin Meiwes, aka the “Rotenburg Cannibal”, killed and consumed a person who consented to being cannibalized. If I remember correctly, the court case itself was actually quite complicated since the victim specifically consented to this, shown via chat logs from a forum on the dark web, and cannibalism wasn’t illegal at the time. He was convicted for manslaughter in 2004, and then was sentenced to life in prison in 2006 after a retrial.

25:25 About this cake video: the reason why it's so long and dragged out forever is probably because it's soft core adult content. The counting down towards a release, the liquid gooey stuff, the loud reactions... Sometimes internet goes way too far.

As someone who wants to rip his skin off upon touching anything even remotely sticky, the coffee one really bothered me lmao

"greased up, butt-plugged starfish" is certainly not a combination of words I expected to hear today

Being homeless and/or food insecure and getting fresh hot delicious breakfast for free would refuel one's will to live tbh.

First: as someone who has tried a lot of different food, I can safely say that your enjoyment vs price curve is correct. Second: I’m normally on team “let everyone take their coffee as they like it” but that colored mocha is absolutely horrifying. Turns out there is a wrong coffee order and it’s that

As an Australian, Fairy Bread is significantly better than that Dutch chocolate sprinkle mess. Fairy Bread is specifically made with 100s and 1000s ("Hundreds and Thousands" - sprinkles which are tiny orbs). The bite and brunch you get with 100s and 1000s is different to traditional sprinkles, leading to a more satisfying flavour and texture experience. Plus it literally just tastes like sugar. I like to imagine this I how horses feel munching on sugar cubes

Click saying "pawprint" instead of "handprint" without even realizing what that means for him made me chuckle

I can just feel Clicky's disappointment when the perfectly good chonky börgar got ruined with the cheese pile.

The "Sonic laxative, because it has to go fast" nearly had me spit my drink straight across the kitchen...

The Dump Dinner kinda reminds me of what me Grandma called "Schweinchenessen" (Pigletfood). On hot Summer days, I was allowed to go outside and eat a plate of Spagetthi Bolognese with my fingers. Mess,yes, but 6 yo me found it absolutely _hilarious,_ and afterwards I got spritzed down with the hose😂 My food was still on a plate, though!

that cake probably wouldn't have looked so bad if he didn't waste 20 minutes letting the icing set in the glass

Should have made the coffee mug into a wafflecone or something edible. You could sell it for higher and less dishware to clean up.

The dump dinner thing is actually pretty cool for people with kids cuz you just put a disposable table cloth on the table and then when everyone is done you just pick up the table cloth and throw it away. Ig you could use a reusable one and throw it in the washer but that would be more mess than it's worth Edit: this is definitely not something meant to do every night lol just when you don't feel like cleaning a bunch of dishes

8:26 anyone give me goldfish bread crumb mac and cheese is getting married to me

I used to be a homeless child. I, unfortunately, remember it vividly. The thing that stung the most was being nonexistent to everyone else, or at the most something lesser than. Most that did see me saw me as a thing to pity, a burden, a problem. Hardly any of them saw what I actually was, though. A human being without food, or shelter, or care. There were a few times though when someone would approach with a gift. Something to eat, a blanket, some shoes one time. I remember those people with great fondness. This was all way before the modern world we live in where clout is everything so why they were doing it didn't really factor into my thoughts behind their gesture. Now, reset the situation I was in but make it today, as it is for many. If someone were to have come up to me with something I needed, but they were filming it so they can virtue signal on whatever platform pays the most, do you think I would have cared? Hell no. I wouldn't care if you had an entire professional camera crew following you. What does it matter? In my eyes that does not devalue the gift. Who cares whether they're doing it out of altruism, or for personal gain. At the end of the day, I got something I needed and they got something they wanted. The way I see it, it's win:win. I think people who moan about those who does this sort of thing (film their good deeds for clout) need to first, shut up, and second, think about how much of what they do ultimately circles back to being done out of motivated self-interest. You might be surprised. Either way, get out there and help, regardless of why, or at least shut up and stop criticizing people out there at least offering something. That sort of criticism could have a chilling effect on any future such acts since they now have to worry about getting slammed for what they're doing, in a world where you live and die by public opinion. I'll get off my soapbox now.

a few days ago I ordered a pizza and the menu said it had 'vegetables' on it (no further clarification), the vegetables in question ended up being peas, carrots and cauliflower from the supermarket frozen veggie mix. I cried for over an hour

8:33 I just wish to respectfully remind people that OCD is a very severe mental disorder. I don’t judge people for joking about it because it’s not their fault that they’ve been hit with misinformation. I joked about before I was actually diagnosed as an example- I just wanted to encourage people to read up on it before making jokes about it

"We're gonna just lift this glass vase full of frosting off the top of the cake in 3... 2... 1..." *Three Hours Later:* "It's gonna be good you ready? Okay in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1..." *Four Hours Later:* "Alright make sure you don't miss it here it comes" *N Hours Later:* "Watch what happens when I lift in 3..." *N² Hours Later:* "When I do this you're gonna be amazed, it's gonna be the best cake ever, okay in..." *1 Heat Death of the Universe Later:* "Then it'll all mix together and you'll love it, 5... 4..."

The worst food war crime I’ve committed was eating fish fingers dipped in custard. In my defense I was in middle school and I was in the middle of a Doctor Who phase.

The charity parable is a double-edged sword because providing a new building to help many orphans and telling people about it for their approval vs. not telling people about it for the extra clout you receive spiritually, both are being done to maximize the benefit to the giver. The skittle tequila cocktail probably has a very low alcohol content since alcohol evaporates at 173 deg F. The coffee heats water close to 200 deg F. If enough vapor collects, it may ignite causing a fire. So unless that TikToker disabled the heating element, sooner or later she’ll burn down her kitchen.

As someone from Belgium. The sprinkles are called 'hagelslag' what litteraly translates to 'hail battle'. We in Belgium call them 'muizenstrontjes' aswell, that translates to 'little shits of mouse'. And I think that is beautyful😅

Caprese Salad is pretty much what was in that container traditionally, (fresh) mozzarella cheese, a slice of tomato, and basil (usually a full leaf). Typically this is paired with balsamic vinegar and sometimes as a full spread with fresh bread and olive oil (usually mixed with the Balsamic vinegar). It's a popular Italian starter/side, and is kinda treated like a charcuterie board. It's not my thing personally, but quite a bit of my family loves it

As an Australian I can confirm that fairy bread is actually pretty good

27:41 if they hadn't dragged it out so long that the frosting started to cool and just lifted it straight up from the center, none of that tapping stop and go bullshit, it might have actually looked decent.

So the wedding cake pour fail at 25:30 is one of many, many videos and channels like that, and the main theory behind them it's they're hand fetish content. The whole focus is on hands, they are doing a lot of gestures and weird wiggly-fingers things. The vaguely phallic shape of the tube, a lot of liquids... yeah.

24:36 Goddamn it people! Eat squid, not octopus! Octopi are intelligent little buddies; do not cook or eat.

If they're gonna give us a single pretzel, they could at least lean into the meme. Put it in a jewelery box or something lol

The dump dinner. Let's face it, they're toddlers, you're serving spaghetti, there is going to be a mess all over the table anyway. This way the kids have more fun and there aren't any dishes to wash. I wish this was a thing when my kids were young. That looks like a lot of fun for the whole family.

Seeing others kitchen warcrimes, makes me feel better about my food crimes and my lack of cooking skills. I've set cereal on fire, I've burned water. I'm not joking

15:13 EXCUSE YOU that orange plastic monstrosity “cheese product” (they’re literally not allowed to call it cheese lmao) is NOT cheddar bahaha cheddar is delicious, this is “Kraft singles” aka “American cheese.” Gross 😂

My dad commited a kitchen warcrime recently by being hungry enough to mix Indian side dishes with some brisket.

Cliccy must wear those plushies on headphones at least once.

22:27 they could have just used the pasta water to water plants. Plants love the starches in pasta water. Honey, you didn't have to do this to yourself and waste perfectly good coffee.

A caprese salad isn't a traditional "salad", it's just thinly sliced mozzarella, tomato, and basil, usually with olive oil and balsamic vinegar (sometimes with roasted pepper) layered to look like the Italian flag. what that person got is still pretty pathetic and lacks dressing, but technically the core ingredients are there lmao. I hope they didn't pay more than $3 for that.

4:12 A caprese salad is an italian appetizer that isn't an actual lettuce/vegetable salad, but a platter of sliced tomatoes and mozarella with basil and olive oil. What was in that box is just a crappy looking caprese salad. To stress, it is an *appetizer* and should not be considered a full meal, even by salad standards. Maybe follow it up with some spaghetti and meatballs.

29:32. Its called hagelslag

18:44 "paw print" He is already showing signs of furrification. The Click shall soon join our ranks.

5:23 This one actually really made me happy. I saw his videos in the past and they always made me so angry and disgusted, but I'm glad he's changed his ways honestly because wasting food like that is just so disgusting. I grew up in a house where food wasn't promised, and I know people even in my own neighborhood had it worse than I did, and it makes me happy seeing that at least this guy realized what he was doing was incredibly wrong.

Cooking is a lot like that scene from Jurassic Park, after a certain point we chefs spend so much time wondering if they could they never stopped to consider if they should And occasionally Jeff Goldblum is there

4:46 if that steak even touches you, your heart just frickin shuts down

Working as a busser/dishwasher, I see so much good food going to waste. I wish I could box a lot of the food that didn't get eaten up and send it to homeless shelters or just passed around to people who clearly need it. But I can't.

I have a theory about that dump dinner video, I have a feeling her children just throw the food all over the table anyway and she got so fed up with constantly cleaning it up that she thought "Frick it it'll end up on the table anyway" so she just plopped it on the table.

4:40 ... well Alberts stuff looks like the best thing you'll eat in your life AND the last thing you'll eat in your life at the same time. Every one of his dishes comes with a side order of heart attack.

the dump dinner reminded me of the time when my school organized something similar. A bunch of long tables were put together, covered in aluminium foil, plates and utensils were drawn on in ketchup and mayonnaise, and a whole bunch of fries were just dumped in the middle. Some of the most fun I've ever had while eating xD

The booze in the coffee machine thing would have been much easier if they just..used the vodka in a jar with the candy and fruit you want it to taste like. Leave it in the fridge overnight, or a few days..up to you. More effective with undiluted vodka, however you will need to dilute it with water after the infusion is complete.

The deconstructed food concept can work if you give the customer an option to eat the ingredients separately or to mixed them however is desired.

12:27 it’s a Caesar salad because it’s a piece of lettuce stabbing through something, I’m guessing they went for the funny haha route of Julius Caesar getting pwned

5:07 As a Pittsburgher myself, I can confirm not only is the food weird, but everyone has Asthma from the leftover pollution from the steel mills, nobody has the vaguest clue how to drive, and I love it here.

The ‘deconstructed’ coffee made perfect sense to me. The coffee will be very strong, the milk is given apart so you can decide for yourself how much milk you want. My parents used to serve coffee with a can of hot milk for that purpose. In France or Spain or maybe both, or maybe it was Morocco, don’t remember exactly, you got a glas of water with your coffee.

The Dutch sprinkles on toast are called Hagelslag (translates to hailstorm). I grew up in Canada and always remember my Beppe having some on hand when we went to visit her. She also had vruchtenhagel (Fruit sprinkles) that were colourful and fruit flavoured.

17:20 is hilarious, I love that they made actually fake ice-jello after all the fake ice cooking so it looks like an actual dish, that got me, seeing the gelatin get cut and then sprinkling the crushed ice on top. I thought they'd just end with a dish of water but that was so much better.

29:22 this reminded me of when I was younger, my mom is an ex-baker, but at the time she was still doing her baking company, but every Christmas she'd make her 'Reindeer Food' which was just oats and edible glitter, but I absolutely loved it and she used to let me eat some of it and then tell me to put some out for Santa to give to his reindeers. Good times when I somehow didn't know what it was I was eating.

27:25 They spent so long bullshitting that the frosting got cold and chunky all over againg. FFS!

I feel like dump dinners would be annoying as hell for the adults, but it does seem potentially fun for kids. But why is it always pasta?

15:03 it looks like staryu from pokeman. i think thats what they are going for with the lettuce and tomato in middle.

I regret eating while watching this 😭 the king's hand almost got me. Had to close my eyes so I wouldn't lose my appetite, but I still gagged lol

I’ve seen my fair share of food crimes from my dishwashing job- but mostly in terms of wasted food versus bad ideas. I’ve seen plenty of wasted steaks and other entrees, but the worst was someone had eaten a cheesecake- but clearly scraped off all the cake from the crust and threw out said crust. I am constantly sad from that Edit for extra context: I work in an active senior living facility. The cheesecake was one that was delivered by our supplier, but it was a pretty good quality one as this place is expensive to live in. As far as I could tell, it was a pretty good graham cracker crust. I don’t know who ate it, but I don’t think it was someone with gluten intolerance since we keep track of the residents and their allergies pretty well. I had never seen anyone do that before or ever since.

26:40 It's not even ragebait. This is a specific fetish, that's why the hand movements and phallic-ish vase.

7:50 This reminds me of a Chinese legend I read in religious studies back in high school (we had about Daoism/Taoism) . IIRC, then it was the way to eternal life, that was lead by doing 1000 good deeds or something, but you couldn't do the deeds with your own gain of eternal life in mind or count those deeds. If you did so, then none of the good deeds would count.

12:52 This honestly seems fun as a one time thing especially since they've used a table cloth/gift wrap for keeping the table clean.

If Click ever gets a cooking show his rating system for the dishes better be Ominous Knives.

Various fun facts about squids: Squid have two tentacles that are longer than its arms. They are usually hidden from view but are shot out to capture prey. They can swim faster than any other invertebrate. Squid can change colour, and swim backwards by pushing water out from their bag-like bodies. They have a small rod for an internal shell commonly called a 'pen'. There are over 300 types of squid, most or all (forgot) of which can change colour. They're mouth slash beak is called a funnel. The squids' tail is more 'up' than it's eyes. I hope you enjoyed this automated TED talk about squids. Also that octupus 'butt' was it's mouth

18:44 Anyone notice how The Click called a hand print a paw print instead? Well regardless of if you did or not, I think we should tell him about this neat subreddit he's never gone through before called--

fairy bread is genius! it cheep, easy to make and 99% of kids love it. Plus it can be made with stuff most people already have so if you forget to buy food you're set!

The dump dinner, oh my gosh, I love the meatball rolling away and the kid catching it and putting it back with the other meatballs 😂

The weird salmon caesar salad might be meant to look like a leaping salmon. I know they don’t normally go through hoops, but the bread does support it well , while using ( I think) the necessary ingredients

4:06 thats sounds like the american pizza my ant and cousin found in japan

"I am in flavor country now, and that country is a failed state." Beautiful.

The Dutch thing he was talking about is 'hagelslag' (literally translated as hail slap), also known as muizenstrontjes (little mouse shits). It's just chocolate sprinkles.

1:40 One of the cheeses is Roquefort, a cheese is that purposefully a host for 1 species of edible mold. It originated from Montpellier, France.

19:11 I've heard that the Sonic Curry is actually pretty alright; unnatural color aside, it tastes normal (according to people I've seen talking about it). Really wouldn't mind trying it myself if I'm ever able to.

27:34 this style of content is so upsetting, especially because you could totally make a pretty cake using a similar method... if you don't wait 20 minutes for the frosting to cool and add a bunch of colors that are gonna clash

As an italian, i already know i'm going to cry.

Well, I just made some bacon and scrambled eggs, and this video makes me feel like I'm a god tier cook.

I have never seen that dump meal before, but I noticed that they are served on top of a table with a table cloth which I would assume is pretty easy to clean. I'm guessing that is a part of the cleanup process. Once the kids are done eating, send them off to take a shower and get into some clean clothes while you shake off the table cloth into the trash and then wash it. Something like that. Sounds like it would be great fun for kids.

I remember when I was about 7 or 8, I asked my mum if I could try a bit of cooking and she said ok.... I got everything I liked for ingredients - and put it in a pan and cooked it for about 15 minutes... Yes - it was absolutely disgusting!!! SO she gave me some lessons over the next few weeks and I'm now reasonably accomplished in the kitchen! BTW I've learned a lot more culinary skills in the following 50-plus years!!

The pasta water coffee hurts me every time because if that water was unsalted and especially if it was organic pasta, she could've easily used it for her plants instead.

At this point tweets aren’t enough, Gordon Ramsay needs a RU-vid reaction channel for food

22:02 made me jump lol

The baked mac and cheese with the goldfish crust looked like it would be really good.

I think a dream I had last night would fit perfectly in here. Even Click himself appears in it. He made "table tomato soup" which means pouring tomato soup into an indentation in my grandma's kitchen table. I have no idea why Click would do that but apparently we were good buds and my grandma loved the soup (even though none of her tables actually have any indentations like that, let alone for soup).

Don't mind me watching this after moving to college, forgetting when the dining hall closes, and missing dinner; now I'm eating goldfish out of the bag with a plastic spoon from McDonalds alone in my dorm room... ah, food.