Racism & Preferences in the Gay Community | BoyFriends - Episode 31 

I think there's a fine line between racism and preference and fetishizing. By all means have a preference but there is something very cringy about someone who says I don't or won't date a certain race. Maybe it comes down to wording but when I hear "I only date" I think fetish, "I usually date" = preference, "I don't/won't " = racism. Oh and Renee there was a time when I couldn't be with black guys because I would only see my family members so I get it. Idk exactly how I got over it though 🤷🏾‍♂️😆

Im blk adopted into a wht family and have always had issues making blk friends because i dont fit most of their blk molds. Yet wht people have been mire accepting to me but its still a lonely place because i dont fit in in either groups

Everyone has a preference, as we are all shaped by our environment. Problems arise when 'preferences' become 'restrictions', because reasons for those restrictions are very often problematic.

Random points: 1.Colorism exists in many countries and cultures, not just America. It's very prevalent in Indian and Thai cultures, for example. 2. At one point, Melvin was saying that dating another black person is easier because of a shared culture. However, broadly speaking that is only true if he's dating a black American. If he were to date a black person from, say, Nigeria, he will probably run into a number of cultural clashes. (I ran into culture clashes while living in England; common language & skin color don't necessarily make for common culture.) 3. Very happy to hear you discussing the distinction between fetish, preference, and being colorist (racist). Hey, Renee: You are *gorgeous*!

Personally, it is not so much about COLOUR as it is about being ETHNIC looking, here in the US anyway. In fact, as a gay ethnic-looking man, this is a HUGE silent issue in the US .Unfortunately when anyone, such as myself, brings it up, we are put "in our place" and the truth just swept under the rug with excuses like "we are just born liking what we like," or "stop playing the race card," or we are called hypocrites if we somehow reject men who don't fit what we look for and it happens to be someone of colour. It is an issue that will never truly be solved and definitely not in my lifetime. In the US we have gotten past gay male issues altogether. Advocates have moved on to the next best thing such as transgender and nonbinary issues. People like me, no longer NEED movies or shows or anything because it has all "been done." Leaves me sad because, and I speak for myself on this, all that ethnic looking guys like me really want is simple, long lasting love too. To be wanted/looked at as more than just a fetish (prefer not to be a fetish at all) and not be marginalized by our own lgbt people. I would love to see a gay ethnic looking man be more than just a flamboyant side character, or be an athlete, as I am and show a side that isn't all stereotypical. Being alone, being unloved, being unwanted, is not something that SHOULD HAVE to be coped with when the problem could be solved. I shouldn't be the one being told to go see a therapist to get "OVER" these issues because it isn't just a me problem. But it is what it is and unfortunately, it is a reason so many of us either stay in the closet, or become statistics. In the end NO ONE of importance cares enough to speak up. 274 in 2 months....show how little anyone cares. But be a hot white gay dude OR straight dude acting like a straight up sissy boy and prancing around and you will easily get 1 million views in days. Proof is in the pudding. Good luck.

Preferences are shape by the environment, media and influences. People all have their preferences. However racism is racism, everybody has to do their homework to overcome this BS. Not always easy. For the rest, nobody is supposed to taste all the rainbow. Having 1 only partner and rejecting everybody else has to be an acceptable option too.

I would love to be on this podcast lol you guys are so down to earth

This is better than The View !!! 🔥🔥🔥

Excellent conversation

Oh Lawd. I know I'm going to need a Dramamine, before watching this. I have a feeling this episode, *is going to go there* !

that TOINE moment @15:30 men on film etc... from in livin color had me rollin!!!!!

I don’t think Tony meant to hurt your feelings maybe he was ignorant to that being a sensitive area for you. Honestly you do give off the vibe….like maybe you grew up in white or majority white spaces and that’s ok. It is who you are and it does not make you less black. I’m a dark brow skin guy with a “white name” so growing up around mostly black people I got called “white boy” all the time. No I don’t look white .. not mixed .. not light skin or anything i know tons of regular black people that were called white because of how they spoke or them Being smart .Kids were and still are ignorant 😂

damnnnn i really really wish everyone could have been present :( tony and suron's thoughts would have been super interesting!

Lol that beginning was really cute. You all are adorable. I'm white and I don't judge.My husband is Asian. 14 years going strong.

People have the power we give them, of black guys stopped idolising random white guys, things would be different. As a black gay male the only time my skin colour was a problem was with black men

Just let the heart lead your love life, or choose to stay in your lane.

Diddy, Usher, Meek Mill, RIck Ross, Odell Beckham Jr, Dwyane Wade, Dwight Howard...

DL is very much a thing, and in many places is almost necessary, and I suspect that includes many places in the U.S.

When it comes to attraction, I think that racial preference is the same as sexual preference. We don’t know why we have the preference but we do. You don’t tell a gay man that he is a misogynist when he says he won’t date a woman, so why would you call him racist if he says he won’t date X or Y race. He knows what he likes and doesn’t feel the need to try other things. Personally I think this sort of guy is a bit too rigid and they might be missing out on some good stuff… but I don’t resort to assuming racism because of a strict preference. Myself I have preferences for South American and Mediterranean guys, but I am not that rigid and will consider others… there are hot guys from everywhere, so I am open to them too. But when I go into a club, my eyes will always go to my preference first… just the way it is. One thing I don’t like is how guys put their preference on Grindr as usually it just comes across as nasty, arrogant and unnecessary. Why would you want to hurt other people’s feelings for no good reason? I tend to block anyone that put things like “no fats, no fems, no Asians, must be 8+ etc”. These guys are just knobs.

I alway said that most of the hate and racist remarks about the lgb, come from inside the house.

My parents brought us up in a culturally integrated neighborhood specifically because they wanted me and my sibling to interact with all different types and colors of people and they wanted to foster tolerance and acceptance in us. My oldest brother who is 50 said that when he lived in NY and was young in the 90's and early 2000's black brown and white gay men always came together as one under the umbrella of being Gay men. He said if you went to the clubs all colors partied together, dated one another, and had fun together.. He also said back then there was only one gay pride event that EVERYONE went to. There was no such thing as a white gay pride and a separate black pride. For me at 30... living in NY for the last 13 or so years... I see a lot of segregation in the gay community between black and white men.. Black men have their own parties, events, pride parties and basically dont really want have anything to do with white men (or Asians or latinos), dont want to give them the time of day, date them, or even have friendships with them. There is no more unity in the gay community amongst men (of every color) Its like they want their own gay community based on color which is ridiculous because we are all gay, we all have the same struggles and have to fight for the same respect and equality no matter our color.. So i find it sad that the black-based part of the community feels compelled to isolate from the rest of the community. For the times I have attempted to connect with black guys in the community whether it be for friendship or "something more" most of the time their universal response after they look you up and down is "i don't think so". This happens very often with My Asian and Latino friends as well! Its sad that we as a community have come to this point... I don't think white, Asian, or Latino men show racist tendencies towards black men, because being a minority ourselves (just by being gay) common sense would tell you that would be a hypocritical way to go through life. i understand in general black men experience racism in everyday society but in the gay community they should know that they are loved, wanted, accepted, and revered no matter what... So i don't understand their need to branch off from every other color of the rainbow and being blatantly nasty about their lack of interest in anyone else but someone who is the same color they are. its not about fetishizing or oversexualizing. Those are just words that are used in place of the actual word that demonstrates whats going on in our community... Prejudice ! The one place all these tropes should not exist is in LGBTQ community!

Is the guy on the right single?

I didn’t hear much talk about racism. More criticism of the black communities reaction to their preferences.

This is bigger than Tony.

Seems like you're scapegoating Tony for the way people in general perceive you. Whether true or not, you give off that vibe. Tony didn't invent that characterization or even really push it. Doing the most over a comment nobody else thought twice about.

This is the type of content that the internet needs more of. Real conversations about real issues.

Nobody is overcoming this. It would be nice if people could just admit that life isn’t fair and people of lighter skin races will always be treated better/ have an easier life than people of darker skin races. Anything outside of that is just conjecture and cope.

The perpetual hr voice, tasteless classist joke, and endless excuses as to why she can’t make black friends/date black is just a lil off putting for me lol idk maybe sis is genuine but I’m trying to find it 😂

ironic the black dude screaming racism is in platinum blonde over processed hair with a white queer voice.

Some white people prefer to date black people. I think preferences are just that. We can't help who we are attracted to.

There is only one race, the human race. Ethnicity and race are not synonyms, they mean different things. To say race in place of ethnicity is to present people of different ethnicities as different species, we are one species. Pro eugenics commentators and racist people weaponise the term ‘race’ to infer people who are black, jewish etc are a separate species. We need to be mindful of using the word ‘race’ to describe ethnicity.

Hearing this complaining further divides me from their community.