When dealing with people and relationships I always repeat the phrase “so let them” base off this notion. They’re onto a new phase of their life, someone did you wrong, they have a new partner, they did XYZ and you feel like you didn’t get justice, “so let them.” Once I understood “so let them” my life become sm more peaceful :)
Ana, you’re a saint. The “love of my life”, my boyfriend of three years, felt something was “off” in our relationship. I tried sooooo hard to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it. I could not. Cheers to accepting reality letting ourselves grieve.
I have to remind myself of acceptance almost every day to deal with chronic illness. Especially one so unpredictable. I definitely haven't come even close to mastering it but it does make a difference. My mom on the other hand, is still in denial that I'm as sick as I am, and never believes me when I tell her I do what I can, so radical acceptance helps with that too.
Teach me your ways! I have been struggling so much since getting diagnosed to accept this new way of life. But I see it’s the only way forward. Everyone around me keeps saying it won’t last forever… but they will begin to never understand. I know they mean well…
@@redvelvetcakeYUM This is all probably too much, but I promise this is the last one! I'm autistic and sometimes I over explain and hyper fixate. I hope it doesn't read that way. I just want this to be thorough. 4. Health and stuff. Like what she said in the video, focusing on what you can do in the now can help with acceptance. For me, I know there are some things I can't do anymore, and other things I've just fallen so far out of practice that I can do them, but don't because they're harder to do than they used to be, but I'm working on getting that back, so I can have more energy to do what I like and tame other symptoms. I have a dog who makes me happy to know he's happy to see me every day, and being responsible for his health motivates me to do more than I would without him, but I had a lot of muscle wasting during my undiagnosed years. I have also done enough research on my illnesses that I know *can* happen down the line because of my illnesses. Like I said, you can't control what complications you're going to face and with my illness (Autoimmune, I don't remember if I mentioned that) it's inevitable that it will progress and create specific problems in my joints, brain, vascular system, etc, so it makes sense that something I can do to potentially have a better prognosis is to do focus on doing what I can to negate complications that *are* preventable or at least lessen their likelihood. This includes making things easier for me to keep healthy habits. Example: sometimes it's difficult to cut up vegetables I want for dinner so I buy frozen unseasoned veggies or fresh pre chopped veggies instead. I also have other fall back plans for healthy or healthy ish food if I'm too fatigued or in too much pain to cook like safety sandwiches, etc. 5. Last thing. Being realistic is very important, but so is not letting it take over your mind if you can. The future and the idea of getting older haunts me sometimes. Sometimes I will not see or talk to people for days outside of work because of the angry relationship I have with my body and it's appearance. At my lowest I didn't feel human. I hated that it took so long to be heard and taken seriously. I get frustrated that I feel so behind other people my age and angry that I have to carry a burden that most of the people I know don't. And lots of other complicated self blame and bitter feelings. But the world doesn't stop just because you're sick. The world and life doesn't stop for anyone. You have to get moving sometime because the longer you hibernate in sadness, the longer that mourning phase will take and the worse you're health will be. You don't have to miss out on everything. There's a lot out there you can still explore even if you'relimited in movement, finances, or support. And you will figure things out, how to balance and manage this stuff as time goes. You're life might be scarier and harder in different ways than most right now, but the harder you fight for yourself and your health you're only going to be more resiliant and happy. Also also, good luck and good night if you read through all my bs. I hope your safe and you start feeling better soon.
I’ve gotten a lot better over the last year or so at accepting circumstances I have no control over. Life isn’t perfect and issues will always come up, but I’d rather focus on the things I can change and impact
I wish I could get that. I’ve been struggling with depression lately and after failing a college semester I was feeling a lot of anxiety and despair. Acceptance is so hard to cultivate when mistakes threaten to sweep it away at every bump.
Acceptance changes everything, I usually always tell myself that all there ever is going to be is THIS MOMENT, all I am is THIS MOMENT. So whether its good or bad I don't fall into my old habits of wishing I were somewhere else or feeling a different way, I'm working on changing the habit and being present even during uncomfortable circumstances(accepting what's happening). Another good tip is to accept that the world is full of evil and that people any day could treat you horribly, accept that that how's it is and build a mental fortitude around the evil of others. I used to not understand why people (including me/ all of us at times) were so mean, arrogant and selfish, but then I started to open my eyes to things that other humans have done to each other in the past , like nazis/holocaust, murder, school shootings(driven by hate) prisoner torturing during war... it ranges all throughout history, but what I'm trying to say is that humans are capable of some very evil things so don't be surprised and caught off guard when its lashed upon you.
I wish I could get that. I’ve been struggling with depression lately and after failing a college semester I was feeling a lot of anxiety and despair. Acceptance is so hard to cultivate when mistakes threaten to sweep it away at every bump.
Acceptance is not a choice that you make once and then try to do it all the time, it’s a choice you make again and again and again every time you catch yourself fighting against things you can’t control. And it takes practice, too. But we will all make mistakes for our all of our time here on earth. Maybe you could try radically accepting that fact? Good luck 💛
In Islam we also have the concept of “SABR” in which meaning includes. -patience -being still -endurance -peace and contentment -living in the moment ,being grateful for what you have now,changing what you can change or accepting what you cannot change and hoping for the best in the future. -we also know that Isaac was sad , in grievance and yet had “SABR”when he lost his son Joseph.so sadness is natural
I really appreciated this video. I’m still really struggling with my situation where I thought I could handle it. My girlfriend and best friend of two years broke up with me very unexpectedly, she didn’t give a major reason apart from falling out of love and said that I was an amazing partner and a very good person. She said I did nothing wrong and she wanted to remain friends. I left it up to her to keep in contact but she hasn’t once yet tried to reach out to me but I have to respect her choice and I have been respecting it. It just hurts losing someone who I held so close to me emotionally. I’ve never been more lonely.
@@moon3899 it is really hard, I’m wishing you the best. I’m 3 weeks out of the break up and now it’s been 11 days where she hasn’t contacted me at all. It very hard not having your best friend you spent everyday with. Sometimes what’s best for you in the long run hurts in the short term Sending love your way! Stay strong!
I have no clue why this came now but the timing couldn't be perfect, I found myself angry and crying at a situation that happened about a year ago. I was done extremely dirty by two people in my life who I thought were friends but had to cut off I thought I let it go I know life isn't fair and things are going to happen for reasons that life won't always show, I lived the best I could I spent alot of it just helping others going out alot more than I did and drinking I felt happy but then last night while driving home from work I found myself thinking back to the moment and was just filled with rage and tears I parked my card somewhere and just started to just curse out the stars like a lunatic just asking for some sort of justice and just not seeing it, in that moment I realized I wasn't over it, I started to think that I was wrong even though alot of people said I wasn't. I'd be lying if I said I'm okay as I write this, I'm still struggling to keep myself together I'm happy outside but hate going home now. Sorry for the rant I just wanted to say I appreciate the video.
That’s what I’ve always wanted to get through to the covid deniers. That denying it doesn’t change that it is real and they are only worsening their suffering. Learn to accept reality and find ways to cope with grief, instead of being stuck in the denial and anger stages. They’re not even aware that grief is what is driving their anger and denial
Really needed to hear this, My close friend ghosted me at the end of last year. I really felt attached to her because we both shared a lot of close moment together and I valued her deeply because she was pretty much my only friend. As I distance myself from that moment I find myself having difficulty getting over it, like you said in the video, moments like these can result in you being in a mental loop where you keep revisiting the idea in a non-productive way. I know that this line of thinking isn't really healthy and as I watched your video I added another tool to use in my journey to mental stability. I know there's nothing I can do to erase this tragic event from happening, but I know I can do something to make positive changes in my life and find another means of happiness. I have always beaten myself up for not being good enough to make meaningful friendships but now I realize that the main reason I haven't had much friends is because I was closed-minded about the idea of meeting new people. I guess in the end I use this tragedy as a learning moment for myself. I see it as an opportunity that can help me grow in an area that I needed work on. Thanks you for the advice
Cognitive Diffusion!! Surf those emotions!! Like Waves 🌊 they will come and WILL Go!! Gratitude!! Victor Frankie’s book Man’s Search for meaning!! He managed to be Grateful in spite of his circumstances While Surviving the Holocaust!! Acknowledging the Good Amidst the BAD!! Focus on other peoples Pain!! We can only Focus on ONE thing at a Time!! So Altruism!! It helps to Help Others!! It IsWhat It Is!! Radical Acceptance!!🙏❤️
One of the most mentally freeing moments for me was when I came to accept the buddhist mantra that 'life is suffering' . It seems counter-intuitive, but was surprising how much of a positive impact it had on my mental state. I know its not exactly what you're saying here, but the idea is the same
Love your videos. There needs to be mandatory mental health classes from elementary school to high school. We need to teach children at an early age that they control their thinking and perception. When I first entered recovery and participated in cognitive therapy the idea that I was in control of my thoughts rather than my thoughts being a result of outward circumstances was mind blowing. Now that I’ve been working on my mental health for a while and have a better understanding of it, I see how rare it is in society and how much it is needed.
This is so hard for me, because all my life I’ve dealt with very harsh realities and the only way out of them was fighting nail and tooth and NOT accepting reality. This made me an ambitious person. But it also made me very, very prone to getting stuck on people who have abused me, and with traumatizing things that have happened to me. It’s so hard for me to do it.
Having been through my own share of struggling with existence, meaning and seemingly unwarranted suffering and all that, acceptance and taking responsibility for myself have definitely alleviated my situation to a significantly better place. In particular, Marcus Aurelius' Meditations and Viktor Frankl's books have done so so much in getting me to this position of acceptance.
Acceptance does lead to sadness, but I agree that a kind of deep calm follows. It took me a long time and several 3-to-4-year relationships to finally come to terms with the reality that romantic relationships are akin to walking on a tight rope with a loaded gun, which is to say, not something particularly advisable. And so after many years of struggling against the reality, I finally gave in and accepted that romantic love toward another is foolhardy. I've been alone now for 14 years. It's lonely, for sure, but it is vastly better than the alternative.
Thank you, Ana for this very timely video. My country recently had its national elections and the results are bleak. Our country somehow brought back the family of the dictator who plundered our money and enabled the murders of thousands of our countrymen, all while wasting the opportunity to elect an actually competent leader, so it's not looking good here. It's been hard to deal with that reality. I hope I can apply this consistently.
I swear to the heavens that whenever I stumble on your content is always exactly what I'm needing to hear, learn and start implementing in my life at the exact moment. I appreciate what you're doing here and I'm so, so grateful that I found your channel just in time.
This is all great and makes sense but in the depths of grief “it is what it is” ing it isn’t gonna work long term. Have self compassion, feel your feelings no matter how much they don’t make sense, practise lots of self care and one day we’ll all wake up okay. Just don’t pressure yourself for that exact day to come. It’ll come when it does… until then I’ll accept the fact I’m human, have a lot of crying to come and will continue to have Sabr.
This video was exactly what I needed today, and you did such great job of articulating this idea. You're right when you say it's not a "one and done"- it's an ongoing process you have to work on continually. I have been dealing with a lot over the last few years and I find myself oscillating between accepting and letting go, and still getting all would up about things i definitely can't change. Ana I am so grateful for your videos, your insight, and just your entire energy. ❤
i don’t know if you will ever read this but thank you so much for helping me. literally saved me from getting therapy and i can just watch your content
therapy really taught me that it's not enough to KNOW about psychological concepts - cos I know a lot of them -, you really have to practice, implement and actually believe them. And sometimes you need assistance for that.
Hey Ana! I was wondering if you ever considered addressing the topic of copendency in one of your videos. I love your channel! You are always providing valuable information that helped me a lot
I'm usually pretty good at accepting the things I can't control, but then I have trouble setting boundaries with the things I can technically control. For example, I know I can't MAKE someone change their mind on a topic, BUT (I think to myself) I CAN talk to them. Then it becomes an endless cycle of "Well, I haven't tried giving them THAT data," and "That argument didn't work, maybe THIS one will!" If I think of something else to try I feel like I HAVE to do it or else I haven't ACTUALLY tried everything. In the end I usually just end up wasting my own time and, as you say, miserable.
The best thing that happened to me today was discovering your channel. you're such a wise person and you don't know how much your words are bringing me peace and making me make decisions I was too afraid to make. thank you so much and I'm looking forward to watching your upcoming videos.
I have a hard time accepting the way my body looks. I take good care of myself and do the best that I can with what I have. Radical acceptance is going to help me accept that I’m doing the best that I can and this is what I look like today.
my histrionic mother has my father's ashes and his pictures in her position and she's turned my family against me. I may never get these things. I've learned to accept it and I've moved on with my life. this has resulted in her losing complete control over me. I'd like to get the photos, but there's a lot of people who don't even have family to have photos up so I've learned to Let It Go
Awesome video again! Thanks for sharing your knowledge and thoughts. You stand out from most other RU-vidrs who do the same content... I can't even watch them.
I just love your content! Such a safe space for me, and I always learn something new. Thank you for doing what you do & most importantly, for being you.
Whoa!! Being an well seasoned gentleman I’m surprise what I can learn from you(and others) and at a time I need this most, my lady friend is going through the mourning stages from her mom passing very recent and so I’ve become very unimportant or so it seems to me, I know she must process the passing of her cherished mother she was very close. Thank you for the especially delicate vid! Keep up the great work on your journey we’ll all be here watching for our sake and yours!!
I like your personality! Quiet, confident, smile on ur face, beautiful, what else? Please let me know how to be as confident as you when I speak; I am not a native English speaker and I usually say aaaa aot during my presentation
I don't really understand needing comparisons. I feel like I can be happy without them. I do believe I create all my own suffering. I worry terribly about something like when I broke a tooth last week. I was sick with worry all weekend. It ended up being completely painless to fix (well except financially lol) 😛
One of the better videos ! I personally found "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle rather useful when it comes to acceptance. It is a bit more spiritual, but it's not religious.
Betcha ya never thought of puncturing that beachball in several places to shove it underwater, huh? Whose smart now? Nevertheless, always loved your videos, keep up the great work, and good luck on your upcoming dissertation defense.
How is working on making sure your first impulse is " there is nothing I can do about this" not definitionally going to lead to you just resigning to your fate when something could absolutely be improved hoplessness is incredibly comforting, but it is still hoplessness
Ana, do you know how beautiful you are? Your eyes, your hair, your lips, your non tattooed body, your sweet voice, your helpful advice, your concern for people and your desire to share to help others.....You are truly beautiful and wonderful!! I dont know how often you might hear all this, but i just felt that you deserved to? Thank you for all you do!!
Pretending that covid was an actual pandemic at this point, even after "the experts" have admitted it wasn't as bad as they thought, is cognitive dissonance.
