Ranking every stage hazard in Mario Kart Wii 

There are two types of people in this world: normal people and oil spill likers. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Is there something down here...? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Yikes! You must have taken a long fall to land all the way down here! Before you begin your journey back to the actual video playing at the top of the page, let me offer you the free gift of a subscription to a RU-vid channel with a growing library of Mario Kart Wii content. ru-vid.com

Bro forgot the bomb car 💀

"You'll rarely find yourself playing offline unless it's time trials" Beanzard what if I have friends or a family

I hate when I’m about to win the race and as I’m doing a trick a snowboarding shy guy, tells me, “nuh uh.”

Me: I can’t wait to see where the bomb car lands Me 29 minutes and 43 seconds later: 🥲😭

I am shocked! Shocked and appalled by the utter disrespect given to these respectable stage hazards! Misnaming them... how cruel! 0:53 A bat?! Excuse me sir, that is a Swoop! 5:39 And that is a Sidestepper! 8:52 Monty Mole! 16:50 That's not just any cow, that is a Moo Moo! But aside from those injustices, great video! 😀

As someone who has played mostly offline multiplayer, the shy guy beach crabs and bombs are probably the worst, I’ve had bombs drop on me in the middle of a race lol

the crabs are S tier, they just be chillin

The ducks induced true fear in me as a child, yet I can't help but love them as a hazard lol

Troy would say the *CONES* are actually the final boss of wii 🤣

Bro when i was younger, i was SCARED of thwomps and chsin chops ti rhe point where i would refuse to play the tracks☠️☠️☠️

Thursday: literal fucking history Saturday: ranking random shit

The ducks always inconvenience you at the worst possible time

I don't understand why the cactus got C tier. Based on the rankings you gave to things in D and F tier, it actually should have gotten the worst ranking. You literally have to go off the track to hit it, and it's not in the way of any sort of short cuts or anything. I didn't even know you could hit those things and get damaged until I saw someone do it in a RU-vid video. That's really the only ranking I disagree with though. The rest seem fine. I don't really care much about the hazards lol I just thought the cactus was a bizarre ranking compared to the rationale for some other rankings

Bro really mad that there is a lot of cars on a highway track

Having only ever played multiplayer with my siblings - some of these low-rated hazards are BRUTAL

dude whenever im doing a race on coconut mall, those stupid cars at the end always hit me and completely ruin my race. basically the only reason i lose on coconut mall is to those dang cars. im pretty sure those guys arent even legally allowed to drive too.

Forgot about the Peach Gardens Chain Chomps.

Calling the moonview highway music ok is diABOLICAL 😭😭😭😭

As someone who doesnt play this game often anymore but loved it as a kid and watches these vids out of nostalgia, I feel like I'm missing something. Is moonview that hated?! I love that map, its my favorite course in the game and the cars are a big part of that. It feels so good to just dodge all of them while taking all the drifts in between, its the first track I felt like I was a god on and still the one I'm best at 😂

Knock knock Whos there A cow says A cow says who No a cow says mooooo!

Bro forgot dark water

Useless fact: there is one lava pillar in grumble volcano. It is at the end of the first big right turn on the left. It only spawns after the rock on the left side falls. The rocks fall at 1 minute and the lava pillar spawns at 1 minute 30 seconds and every 15 seconds later. You’re welcome

Now THIS is the content I subscribed for

I would’ve put the penguins in S Tier personally as they’re another reason why Sherbet Land is one of the worst tracks ever.

5:06 I can't believe he forgot that these cactus are in one of the battle maps and they are annoying because the borders are FULL of them it's easy to pop a ballon and lose coins when the Tromp hit the middle of the map and causes the sand to push you back

beanzard is so cool i wish beans were real

I think the reason why it's normal to hit the Coconut Mall cars is because they come up right after a hard turn so you don't have much time to see where they are and steer out of the way

The cow deserves at least A tier, it's so iconic. Also, it happens to be my personal favorite, so there's that...

Thank you Beanzard for this niche information about Mario Kart Wii which I will surely find myself utilizing in day to day life

I'd posit the big explodey Bowser fireball may well have been meant to indirectly encourage people to use the faster, less direct side routes. Especially if that track was introduced in the first game with jumpy-halfpipe shenanigans, it would make sense to me to attempt teaching players to use the new mechanic what got put in the game.

The Super Blooper man is back!

Has anyone else made a turn on a Koopa cape and see a goomba, but think it’s a mushroom?

Awesome seeing you again bro! Hope your day is going well g wonderful, and awesome video as always! 👍

grumble volcano/block plaza falling thingys: am i a joke to you?

It was cool seeing you in the Yoshi kart stream a while back!

17:31 justice for moomoo🗣️🗣️🗣️

The entire portion of my brain responisble for nostalgia erupted once I saw that oil spill texture.

Beanzard dropping another banger of a video

that intro was perfect. i liked how you also put some tomodachi collection's soundtrack in the intro as well

As a kid there was literally nothing I despised more than those satanic hellspawns roaming Peach Beach

I also want to point out that because I am a god at Moonview, the bomb cars are nothing to me, the odds of me hitting one are usually none.

0:10 The fact that you used Eternal Sonata music made me realise I wasn't subscribed and immediately rectify that error HELL YEAH ETERNAL SONATA

"It does it's job. I'm not quite sure what it's job is." Lol It's very cute and fun listening to your thought process. Also don't worry, I'm quite sure I'll be able to hit those oil spills 😄

all of your videos are so soothing! wonderful gameplay.

something i’ll never forget is one time, a grumble volcano meteor cracked on a blue shell and dodged me for free. 10 year old me was astonished

Most convoluted tier list ever

Maybe its Mandela effect but i believe you can trick off the bombs before they explode on shy guy beach and that aspect i find super cool with a risk reward feature

Hello bean, I am late to the video because i was in Chicago, glad to see your videos, I was trying go on the internet for a minimal the internet during the trip

You forgot the chain chomps that move (without the chain) in Peach Gardens ! ! 😊

Great video! I'm really loving the tier list videos. I'd consider the bats to be a C tier hazard due to it being possible to (sort of) weasle your way past on the right side of the entrance to the mine. If you know where the bats usually go, it shouldn't be too bad.

Am i the only one waiting for summoning salt to make a third mkwii vid with bean in?

This is the one of the videos of all time

yess here i am again at 1:20 am, hellyea love mario kart ranking vids. i like your content

you should speedrun hitting every hazard 💀

I love your videos, they’re just great.

loved that intro lol

Ngl watching your videos make me want to get back into Mario kart

The best hazards imo are the coconutmall cars, and i'd say the minecarts in that one level I forgot the name of. And I personally hate the moon view highway hazards, and the snowboarder fellows.

I've been sniped by those bombs on several occasions, impossible to dodge when they hit you before they hit the ground xD

Some of them are big, some of them are small, some of them are. Love this vid ngl

Lets goo, bean uploaded, time to stop everything im doing

5:38 moment of unsatisfaction 😭

They said it couldn't be done. Beanzard said it just hasn't been done

the bat slander will not be tolerated, they do their job perfectly. bats don’t attack humans because they can’t see. they “see” (with echo location) a threatening disturbance, all scurry out the cave, and just kinda slap into whatever is in their path.

Couple of things I want to say. Mostly as a Kart main player. 1) MMM Lap 3 cows are the bane of my existence. They are right on the Kart line (just barely off the bike line), and make it really hard on TT. 2) MH Cars are slightly worse for Kart mains. Due to the pace required for good times, they only allow top lap 1 times through for Lap 2 cut (karts do 1-1-1, taking grass cut all three laps). Also, every now and again, the lap 1 one can squish despite you not even touching it when you are above it. 3) No bomb cars? (Also, they can be used offensively online if you throw a green shell at one.) 4) DC Cones are worse. Online they aren't that bad, but in TT, the tunnel ones are a nightmare, and the hairpin one on the racing lines are no better. Literally requires the pixel - perfect angle to hit them if you don't want to lose your drift (or slow down a lot). This is also why I am more than 3 seconds slower than Kart WR (despite the fact that I am using Dry Bowser FF, KWR uses Daisy WW). Yeah, that's about all I had to say.

I’ve not played Mario kart wii much I’m excited to see this cause it’ll most likely be entertaining Also amazing music at 0:22

I definitely remember the crates breaking offline, not on time trials though that's correct. The "flame is sometimes an item box" thing also happens offline, but of course not on time trials. I used to always play offline. Only played online once, and that's because soon after the servers were shut down.

Bro I didn’t even know those oil spills were there

S Tier editting in the intro 👌

just put my fries in the bag bro

Where’s the bomb car, you forgot the main reason I like that track

29:17 I wasn't expecting to hear music from GBA Battle for Bikini Bottom, but I am thrilled that I am not the only one that likes the music from that game lol.

I'm shocked you didn't mention how inconsistent the cones are and how they makes time trial runs RNG when you get really good because the cone gods can decide to take all your speed.

As a statistician this distribution makes me very happy.

I've played MKWii since 2010 and have never been online

GREAT IDEA

I think I would have separated the moving/stationary moles and crates, since they are almost a different hazard. (maybe Thwomps too) Also, the Raceway piranha plants could be B tier, if you take their potential for hiding bananas into account (especially on the last turn). Aside from that, I completely agree with this list! 👍

I formally challenge you to a 16 track 1v1 bit bike only anything goes

you gotta do all the positive road things next. like speed boosts, item boxes, etc

When's the battle mode hazards ranking coming out? Who could forget such classics as, giant thwomp hole, and huge chain chomp ball?

nah man we arent taking that moonview slander ("Okay music" ???). We have very different ideas of a good or bad hazard lol. goomba gotta be S tier with the risk reward of shroomba tech (missing the shell throw usually means you run into the goomba)

The Bob-omb karts in Moonview Highway, the Piranha Plants in Waluigi Stadium and the umbrellas in Shy Guy Beach were the best hazards in this ranking imo 😂😂😂

The worst hazard in the entire game are ALL OF THE WALLS

Hey bean the goat has posted again

I'm not someone who plays MK a lot, but as someone who played a lot of MK Wii with my siblings as a kid, I feel like the cars at the end of Coconut Mall weren't tricky bc they're slow, but bc they have such a massive hotbox, especially in comparison to how wide the track is

Ok good. For a second there I thought he was just going to show us all the hazards and not tell us if they were in ascending or descending order

That intro had me dying

Bro forgot about the roaming chomps on peach gardens

The thumbnail is amazing imo

Moon view highway soundtrack slander will NOT be tolerated

Moon view highway is my favorite course in the game man!!!!一体何！

The crabs, all together on the track, are a huge pain and definitely deserve their high rank!

Luigi circuit shortcut pipes are my nemesis.

"You can just barely not make it past the thwomp" Me when I turn slightly to the right and then left:

The oil spill is s+ tier be fr

Cataqaucks Are Cute ☺️

Hi bean i love your videos! :D

People primarily play online? There's differences between online and offline?!? I'm learning a lot here

Another difference between the car and the truck is that you can do tricks on the top of the trucks.