Reaction to Ren - Su!cide - Ugly crying and lots of thoughts 

This song is referencing Joe Hughes, Ren's best friend. Here's what Ren wrote, on Joe's birthday anniversary: Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mum's pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group; he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier, but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the mainland to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten-minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialing then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived at the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came. This will be my next release.

Don’t apologize for crying with us my sister. It hurts because it’s supposed to. It heals because it’s supposed to.

It’s okay to cry, we’re all doing it.

I ugly cried to this as well. 52 year old man and Ren brings me to tears and makes me reflect on life and death and all things in between. He's a true bard.

You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, you cried at the exact same moment many of us cried.

There's no such thing as ugly tears, showing emotion like that was beautiful and brave x

I'm a 34 year old prior military male. This song broke me, I cried. Ren's ability to make music is insanely incredible and like no one else making music I know of. Enjoyed your reaction, great job. 👍 ❤

Welcome back! I'm 65 and discovered Ren a week ago and have watched about 100 Ren reaction videos. I'm an old rocker. I am in the rabbit hole in I believe a good way. I believe his is revolutionary on so many levels. Every time I listen I still cry and get goosebumps but I take away something different every time. And it's helping me. Ren you're changing the world. Don't ever forget that. And I am doing my best to spread your message because it's important and we all need to change our ways of thinking about things. Eternally thankful and God bless both of you.

Wondeerful reaction. Ren is on another level. If I don't cry at least once a day while listening to Ren, it's a bad day. I'm a 58 year old metalhead and this guy cuts me off at the knees again and again.

I love that Knox lad was able to help push Ren to add the finale to this piece. I love the first segment, but the song hits so much harder and delivers the message so much stronger with the second act

And so the ocean rises with all our tears

Don't apologise for an authentic reaction. This cynical 57yr old guy has shed more tears listening to Ren than to any other music. His pain and anguish in this is palpable and heartbreaking and cannot help but bring a tear to the eye. As someone else has said his ability to turn his own pain into something beautiful, while still acknowledging it as pain is unsurpassed.

Ugly? A beautiful reaction to a beautiful song by a beautiful person. I see nothing ugly here.

I’ve watched this a hundred and one times and I still cry through it. Some lines really hit home “what it felt like to look down and see tranquility”.

Great reaction. Never apologize for showing emotion. Great music is meant to evoke feelings.

There is no shame in getting emotional; I cry every time I hear this song. If you don't feel anything watching this, then something is wrong with you.

I found your reaction both incredibly moving and also intellectually bracing. It's rare to offer both things! I admire the way you reach out to your audience and support their potential mental health issues. Thank you! I'd encourage you to make more of these: Ren has an expansive back catalogue which await your insight and empathy.

Don't be sorry. I've heard this track hundreds of times and have a cry everytime I do. Great honest reaction.

Never apologize for crying, or any other human emotions. They are what MAKE us human. ❤️ The skulls becoming faces, and then becoming fists just before the image shifts, is my favorite part of this video. I think one of the things that makes this song so impactful for nearly everyone is that those who haven't felt suicidal can still relate to the pain of losing someone that way; and those who HAVE been ready to jump recognize that the choice to stay, the choice not to put your loved ones through that, is also a choice to continue being in pain.c

Don't be sorry. You can still cry and not just hide your emotions.

Very glad I had your channel come up as a suggestion. Neurodivergent here too - finally dxd with autism at 46. The self medication with substances had to stop first, which it did at 35. I'm now 75 and still working on finding out who I am. Existential stuff is sure still there, but I just figure it's way above my pay grade so I don't worry about it. Best wishes from just across the border from Edmundston NB 🙂

Well I'm crying with you and I've also watched this many times. Don't worry about the tears they just make you more human x

Beautiful, reaction to Ren. Who connects on a emotional and human level to so many us.

Rens Stunning Rendition Renders Many of Us Inconsolably Tearful You are Not Alone

No apologies for having a heart that feels and breaks ! It's called "human" ! Big comforting hugs from me to you !

Please don't apologize for crying. Your feelings, even when it hurts, are beautiful. Thank you for sharing them. I cried so much after watching his video and the reactions to it that my eyes hurt for hours.

Perhaps you would like Hi Ren. Most people begin with Ren there yo get to know him more.

It's ok darlin chin up. We are lucky to be on this world just once make the most of it x

I loved this! I think your reaction has validated why I, personallly, enjoy reaction channels. I don't mean to mention numbers but I see that you're a smaller channel but have garnered a large amount of views on this video of yours. And to me that's because of the emotion you gave us and that's exactly why I love reaction channels. I find a sense of comfort and joy in watching people enjoy or respond to something the same way I do. Whether that's narcassitic or not is neither here nor there but I'm an empath and just love the reaction community. So thank you for allowing yourself to be vulnerable on camera, beautiful reaction.

How to make a million people cry ? Ren : hold my beer

Yes. Absolutely! My thoughts went to a similar place when I saw the skulls turning into faces. The way I processed it was the idea we ALL have darkness and fear associated with act of taking your own life, but we can hide the fact with our human face. Anyone in the crowd... As best as we can.

Tears are poison flowing out of your body...that's it !!!

Life is the ultimate gift that keeps on taking until there's nothing left. Life gave me 4 beautiful children, I have 2 left, what is that? I think I know why ghosts hide in closets. and the beat goes on.

I also grew to hate the term "gifted." Finding others who feel the world like I do has been a wonderful side effect of discovering Ren. I hope you are finding the same.

This is the song that made the entire internet cry

me as well ren is my new hyper fixation lmoa I'm just stemming away since finding hi ren 6 months ago! we'll be weird together! and lift each other off the floor because when ren hits it hit hard for me as well as so many others that know how real the struggle is. sending love

A soul mate in psych paperwork! "When did this start? When did you notice a loss of interest in hobbies?" Nah, you don't get it. I never had a hobby. My hobby has always been ruminating OCD thoughts.

i have to cry every single time, too. Thats totally human

I get angry when reacters don’t cry! I’m in a puddle too. We all are

I cry every single time I see this. Regardless if it’s a reaction or just the video. Crying is a normal reaction to this video. And if I see it a thousand times more,, I will cry a thousand more 😢

Like you, I can not get enough of Ren. His videos, but more so, his reaction videos. I guess that is because I am a Widow. I lost my husband of over 33 years after a diagnoses of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It was during Covid and it took over a year to get a CT scan for him. He lived less than 2 months from the date we found out. My birthday, 2020. I have considered suic*de every single day since, but as silly as this sounds, I have to sweet small dogs that I promised him I would take care of. I lost a friend to suic*de at age 16. I saw the ripple effect it left. For Ren though, I love all of his songs. He has gotten my attention and kept it since "HI Ren" popped up on my RU-vid. I also live with chronic pain and depression. Every morning, I trick myself by saying that I will just get through that day. Maybe that is how I can give myself the illusion of control. Your reaction touched me in a personal way. Just wanted you to know this and say thank you.

I had a young friend that took her own life. Ive spent ten years telling myself that its just because she was young and didnt have the life experience. Im now 63 and have gone through grief and I find myself really understanding what went on. Sometimes we are just hit so hard that we cant recover.

Many of us ask ourselves the question- "why are we here, what is the point of life", and thankfully most wait to see if we get the answer tomorrow and tomorrow and....

I understand the existential depression. My answer to make sense of it all was to research philosophy. Ironically I landed on Absurdism.. for all my desire to understand everything, the answer I came up with is that it's an absurd notion of a sentient being to fixate on its ego. As much as i want a universal meaning, im the only one for myself that can create meaning.. thats not to say nothing therefore matters. I make it matter for myself.. Absurdism is a branch of existentialism. It is the happy cousin of nihilism.

In our house, we say "We honor our tears here - they just mean you're letting yourself feel The Universe." Thank you for sharing yours, with all us Internet Randos.

Crying is strength and caring. My best wishes to you and everyone viewing this. ❤

You ain't alone with the tears, I balled my eyes out too! But if you tell anyone I will say your a liar and deny all knowledge :) Great review and REN really is a talent like no other!

Nothing to be sorry about young Lady… This incredible artist has that effect on all of us… He is one of a kind… never been an artist like him before… EVER…!

when i was in grade school, the system tried to put gifted and other labels on me. my mom god rest her soul, wouldn't let them. she told them his brilliant, but he has no social skills. she wouldn't let them skip me. i may have graduated at 13 or 14, but i already felt like i was a computer and people were fake little cardboard cutouts. i probably have had depression since i was young. i felt alone like everyone around me was dumb a different species. ty mom. i only ever got true depression once when i was in a seriously stressful situation (bad marriage) i came so close so many times. now that's behind me but i have to stay positive to stay out of stressful stuff. i relate to you. ty

I love that there are people out there like me..

You said you respect the shite out of him for being so raw and honest with his feelings, but I hope you know, you did the exact same thing. Thank you for not stopping the recording to compose yourself. For some reason, people seem to think crying equals weakness. Tears and pain can be both excruciating and beautiful. Please continue to share your heart. Vulnerability is precious in this world anymore. The first time I saw his video, I sobbed. Uncontrollably. Ren has a way of getting into your heart, and I am so honored to have been let in to a little piece of his world, and now yours too. Thank you.

God is bringing our broken and bent souls together through many ways, and Ren is one way. I love you. I just found your channel with this reaction. It's so very important for you to forget what you've been told you are and REMEMBER GOD MADE YOU PERFECT! Remember who you are, you powerful force of love and light! I had to go through hell in my long, dark tunnel of mental illness, Lyme disease, endometriosis, and heart failure because it took 25 years of misdiagnosis for the Lyme. All I had for a very long time was a pinpoint of light to focus on. I eventually reached the end of the darkness and realized I AM THE LIGHT! So now my purpose in life is to shine my light at the end of dark tunnels, and to keep shining until they come out, realize they ARE the light, and then stand beside shining even brighter so others can see. Our light IS our superpower. I would like to recommend a song, not necessarily to react to, but as a message to from God. It's called Perfectly Loved by Rachael Lampa. And don't worry if you've been doubting your belief in God. He knows. That's why I'm here to tell you God believes in you. Much love and light to you. May you become the light you were created to be.

It was interesting to hear your take on not just the song but life in a broader perspective as well. It felt familiar in a way as I think of some aspects in the same way. There’s no doubt that it’s the latter half of this song that will elicit emotions from most people, for me personally it’s the first half that gets me because it’s probably the most I’ve ever related to a song. What cuts the deepest in the latter half is “what it felt like to look down and see tranquility” cause I know exactly what he means. That one sudden movement will relieve you of all suffering. it’s very hard to not see that as something positive when you’ve spent over a decade suffering from circumstances that are beyond your own control

you are not alone, makes me cry every time. but it s so good.

Bless you and thanks for sharing your story. I was depressed at age 6 and saw a child psychiatrist. Your reactions are raw and beautiful…and you are beautiful too!

You have some interesting, relatable things to say. I like it.

cut at '8:00 in your video, I've had the same feelings from a very early age (around 6 or 7) It feels so humbling that there are more people out there like me. I also have ADHD along with whatever else they want to say it is. We are not alone!

I am learning everyday about the human species via REN’s music. When I watch him in his interviews, he seems uncomfortable. His mind appears to be racing. I think to myself, how does he slow down? Anyway, you are a very interesting person. Thanks for this reaction. Peace.

It's a powerful song, probably the most powerful I've ever heard. The day it was released I knew it would leave many reactors in a complete mess...I was right. You shouldn't apologize. This is an important song.

You show so much empathy and compassion. Much love

pls dont u ever be sry for crying to this. im an old man and i am crying everytime i watch this vid.and as stupid as this sounds after i let that out i i usually feel a little better.

Suffering from more than 3 decades with severe chronic depression and loneliness, i can fully feel and understand why people make that choice. That inner battle, every single day, takes away all your energy, it is *exhausting.* Not having any hope, not being able to feel any joy, what are you "living" for ? You have absolutely NO reason to apologize for your tears. Being able to cry means you can *feel* , you have empathy, you are still alive, you are human.

Bless you for your absolutely beautiful reaction.

No need to be sorry. The internet is crying. 😢

Never ever apologise for showing your emotions. That is what makes us human. 100% agree with you that Ren's brutal raw honesty is what draws us to him. 100% agree with your advice not to cash in your chips. Ren has said that he feels that Joe didn't mean it, that it was a cry for help that went wrong. (I have seen others say that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem). This is probably my favourite reaction to this song, because it is from the heart. If you ever need a hug I will fly right out there, no kidding. Take care

What I took from the skulls was....it's how you feel...and you put on the face for everybody else... only my thought

Beautiful reaction because it shows you have a beautiful spirit and heart!! I will subscribe because of your openess and sincerity ❤

I have a feeling we're all right there with you. Even if it's just in terms of watching reaction video after reaction video. Anyhoo - I mainly wanted to comment to say I'm glad I've found your channel. This was a delightful suggestion that popped up in the otherwise questionable RU-vid algorithm. New sub from me. Keep it up :)

Thank you for posting this, and not editing out all your crying. I don't know how anyone can watch this without breaking down. I watch reactors for their reactions; not to hear the music. I've already heard the music many many times. It's your reaction TO the music that I'm here for, so thank you for not editing out any of it. Thank you.

Hi, just wanted to let you know your reaction to this is the most beautiful and wise and insightful I have seen, both to this song and to the entire RenVerse, the new universe of consciousness that he has evoked and stimulated within a select few of us humans. Your universe, dear human being, melds so well with my own...The understanding of just how pointless and meaningless this illusion of existence is. This understanding that you are and will always be different from the others, the vast majority, the herd, trapped within the Matrix, unable to create the distance of consciousness necessary to embrace their Alien status. You are not alone. There are others, isolated and singular, who walk this same difficult path, finding ways to carry on, "hanging on in quiet desperation", as the Pink Floyd song says... Society loves to apply labels of mental illness, dysfunction, so many different names created to set us apart, to cage us, to destroy the higher consciousness of Truth to which we aspire. Never forget that on planet earth, the inmates are running the asylum. The leaders of society and government, the pillars of the community, they are far more mentally deranged than those they define and label, as they maintain, desperately cling to, the perverse illusions and structures of dysfunction to which they are hopelessly addicted. Depression is not a mental illness. It is a conscious understanding that this illusion of life, this universal delusion of an existence that will evaporate to eternal nothingness, is profoundly, truthfully, sacredly, depressing. But humanity refuses to face this Truth, as it does all other Truths. Force human beings to pretend to be happy, alter their mindscapes via brainwashing and via artificial, mind-deforming substances. That is the solution, the deranged, mentally ill solution imposed by the so-called "normals", upon all who break free, or try to break free, of this, and so many other, Sacred Lies upon which humanity has built its alter to Self-sacrifice... Always stay strong within your perfection of mind, dear lady. There is nothing wrong with us, it is the world that is sick, warped, wrong. Listen to Ren, as he is right about that. In case you want to read some of my many millions of isolated mind bombs as I dissect the human condition over the years, here is my "Life is Pointless and Meaningless" essay as a starting point: www.forbiddentruth.blog/every-existencepointless-and-meaningless/ Take Care of Yourself!

I've looked down and found tranquility, more than once... I just did not have the courage to take the step.

I cry almost every single time I hear this song … nothing to be ashamed of .. you are human

When you are standing on the edge of the abyss, looking into a surcease of pain, remember you can only turnaround before you take your next step. If you take the step into oblivion it does not matter how many times you turn around you cannot step back onto solid ground. So please turn around, walk away, even if you have to lie to yourself about why. I did. I told myself that life would take care of the ending without any help from me. 35 years later and there is so much I haves seen, lived, loved, felt, and experienced in those years. I found treatment that worked for me and so many people that touch my life. I remember looking into the abyss. I remember turning around and walking away. I still do not know why but I am glad I did.

thank you for reacting to this beautiful and powerful song ❤❤❤

Everything you said at the end…so true

You described my life when I was eight years old. I thought my family and the rest of the world were robots studying me.

I resonate so much with what you said, we seem to experience things very very similarly- crazy! A lot of what you said about yourself is true for me as well, so it was a genuinely deep experience listening to you!

Great reaction to this song .

Autistic person here…. And I tend to refer to it as my wife’s can get crossed with my emotional reactions to things. I related to everything you said at the start, with the sense of justice, people just don’t get it. This video causes the same reaction in me now, as it did the first time I saw it. Devastation. ❤❤

AI, as long as it remains a tool for good I have no problem with it. Just subscribed... as you seem authentic I took an interest in your expressed thinking. Looking forward.🙂

Crying is a good release. Don’t worry. Subbing I have watched many reactions yours was good!!

That term "nice guy" relate too much with the word Su!cide. Its hard to be a man in this world. Thats why there are many man n boy committed suicide. 😢

❤️

You have a beautiful mind! I'm now one of your biggest fans! You got this. All the best❤

Thank you for sharing your experiences....

Wow it's so interesting to find someone who is so very similar to myself reacting to something. I'm also atypical when it comes to learning, socializing, reactions etc. My mother thinks I might be on the spectrum. Not sure, and I don't care to get diagnosed because... what's the point? I've been going on the endless Ren reaction video rabbithole as well. Fantastic reaction and thoughts. Big hug from Texas.

First time i watched Hi Ren i had a panic attack I have PTSD and many other mental and physical health issues but thought i needed to watch it again so i watched someone reacting to it that was the best thing i could do i have watched many times since. One thing i think about the Hi Ren and SUICIDE songs is it needs to be seen by every one even in schools, because how many children kill themselves because of the negativity towards them from nasty comments and bullying to them believing what is said. I went through hell, bullied all through school to the point i attempted suicide twice, if there was something in place for children at that time and even now how many Suicides could have been prevented. Both these songs open up conversations helping others to talk about what they are feeling. As for Ads on video's these songs are perfect for Ads on mental health awareness and help lines for those who need them

Tears purge the soul x

welcome to the club... adhs as well.... m best and nearest friend is my son... he´s got it too.... and have some good friends, that understand!

Wise words thank you from the UK 🦋

Amn, the first 2min of this make me question if I'm neurodivergent. I allready got the ADHD and the autism. Time to complete the holy trinity...

Thank you 🖤

Your beautiful, and so am I

never ever say sry for crying

❤❤❤

Somewhere on the comments page of the Suicide video Ren wrote this but it wasn’t pinned so it can get lost in the comments. This is beautiful and relevant to the song and everyone should read it. Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write. Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday. I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again. This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary. Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe. Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then. On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left. Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late. Joe’s body was never found. Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe. As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since. My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew. Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came.

Grazie Signora!

good upload, thank you

I have intp personality, neurodivergent by default and often viewed as emotionless robots. But i cry to this as well.... ❤

I have recently visited the European general gathering of the triple nine society (highly gifted crowd), and found it a really nice, welcoming environment where lots of neurodivergent folks mostly just socialise amongst each other. Have you considered something like that? The global gathering is usually in the US I believe. It might do you some good to occasionally not feel your existential loneliness and be able to effortlessly interact with everyone in the group for once. In the Netherlands people who are currently in their fourties’ weren’t diagnosed as children, but find out more when their own children are. It’s a shame those over-excitabilities combined with often being quite different from your peers leads to so much cptsd among neurodivergent people… being ‘gifted’ often doesn’t feel like a gift at all (though interestingly most would not take a pill that lowers their IQ to average either), and many are in the closet about it