Real Narcissists - Narcissism in the workplace 

I had to leave several jobs due to co-workers and bosses being so narcissistic towards me. I'm not there for your entertainment, I'm there to pay my bills too. Healthcare is horrible for narcs.

I find this advice not workable with the narcissist in the workplace. It only gives them a false sense that they can still use you as supply. What I'm experiencing with my narcissist at work is to go totally grey rock. I ignore her, and when I have to speak with her it is a yes or no type answer and nothing else. I give no emotions. Of course this upsets her. She loves attention and love to be the center of attention and to have control. I will never give her that control again, therefore I don't agree with what is being said here. It only helps the narcissist not the victim.

Sometimes it’s really hard to prove in the workplace this behaviour..

You have an overly positive and optimistic view of the narcissist's capacity to change and of others' capacity to change the behaviour of narcissists. Narcissists do not change.

I've been studying narcs for about 9 years now since I had a terrible experience with a covert agent n our office. My parents are both narcs as well. I'm finding my office has 6 narcs out of an office of 14. This seems really high. 4 are covert, 1 overt and the other 1 is just interested in positive supply not malicious at all really. These narcs run together and have a clear hierarchy. There is a head narc and although they complain about her they stick to her like glue, it seems like they are trying to climb the corporate latter by trying to undermine one another or ride on coat tails. I can't find any material on these dynamics in a work environment where people are in a situation where they must work together. I feel narcissism is the biggest problem in the corporate world because these people will lie cheat steal to secure their position or clear their career path.

Narcs are weird. I was so tired of my bosses crap that I straight up lied to him. When I got caught in the lie, I told him that it was just easier to lie and I needed to get stuff done. At that point I just didn't care anymore. He took me to lunch (on the company) a few days later about how he could work with me to improve my satisfaction with the job. I felt as though I had been sucked into the movie, "Office Space." "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."

In my case, I spoke to a bunch of confidential people Nobody cared The moment my boss said I went too the coffee machine too much and yelled at me I rejected her ridiculous demands and kicked myself out with severance pay HR didn’t care about the amount of people leaving (with severance package)

Sorry, but I disagree with this. The best thing is to avoid them as best as you can. Being nice to them only encourages them to continue to abuse you. They don't care. Do your job, ignore them and keep your personal business to yourself. In other words GREY ROCK them is the only way to deal with the narcissist.

I've dealt with narcissists in two different jobs, and it's horrific... HR enabled this behavior as well as managers. Like you said they encourage this behavior. The companies that hire these types of people must be held accountable and fined. Until this happens this type of abuse will continue. Sexual harassment is taken seriously, but what about emotional harassment, shouldn't that be included? How many companies would hired a person who is capable of this type of abuse if it affected there reputation and bottom line. People need to stand up and demand that this be taken seriously and stop allowing these bullies the right to continue destroying people's lives.... This is getting worst everyday and people are committing suicide because of it. People who see this type of abuse at work and turn their cheek or start mobbing are just as guilty as the narcissist. An Abused Victim's Life Matters!!!!!

I had a series of narcissist experience over the last few years, the point where I don't know if I can work again. It's resulted in having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 4 years on and I'm still struggling. One instance was a team of narcissists run by an incompetent narcissists manager brought in to the job by his mate who headed up the department. All the narcs stuck together and encouraged each other to behave disgustingly. Like attracts like. And when one fucked up, the others stepped in and protected them and they all placed the blame on to me. I was traumatized. And to think I had shown such consideration in handholding them in their new job, why were not skilled in doing.

They’re your greatest teachers. If you can survive amongst them, then nothing can defeat you. You’ll find deep peace because these people will help you realise that you cannot control how other people are. If we you can keep peace amongst them, your peace will be deep and available at all times. You’ll also be a rock for others.

Reading the stories of others is so distressing to know that it is rife. And fully supported by HR.

Even if you keep documentation it doesn't matter because anyone who reads it will also need a codex for your particular narc's lies. For example, my boss (a malignant narcissist) would say people had been "unhelpful" and "unresponsive". It wasn't that the other person had been unhelpful-they just didn't let her exploit them; the other person wasn't unresponsive (the accused would send me an email thread that might go on for WEEKS) but that person wasn't giving her the response she was demanding. So keeping the documentation doesn't matter if someone doesn't understand the doublespeak and lies the narcissist speaks.

Do coverts when they start a job try to befriend everyone as new supply and try to find out all the dirt on people quickly?

I can find a lot of information/literature about how to deal with a narcissist 'in your life'. I'm keen to obtain tips on how to lead, manage and then discipline a narcissistic employee who continues to demonstrate poor performance , conduct or behaviour (excessive absence, untruthful, failure to follow reasonable and lawful direction). Setting clear expectations, repetition of those expectations, written notes of every discussion, reinforcement, has helped. I've been seeking a magical phrase or phrases I think... In a recent meeting I kept repeating all the things we've done to help support this employee. I was ready with stats, every written note of all previous discussions to rebut more inconsistent responses, patiently let them respond on and on, and I kept on repeating the same things and bringing them back to help answer the same question, "What more can [Company] do to support you so that we end this process in a better place?" I had to repeat this 5 or 6 times (was aiming for the golden 7). In the end, even though the question was not answered - there was blame, he said, she said, tears, more new information I said, Thank you and the meeting was closed out. All I can think of is in trying to appear authentic, I was and I had facts, data that could not be denied. And it helped. We're not quite at the end of this process yet. They called in the next day and said their mother is dying overseas.

visit tinyurl.com/j4t7hmh to learn more about narcissism in the workplace

I don't think it's a good idea to call what is criminal activity ("bullying"). This term should be reserved for minors in a school yard from where it originated . My workplace & everyone in it survived over 3 decades of abuse including life threatening situations set up to look like accidents. When this folowed me after leaving my employer , I got the police involved , & years later it's still under investigation .

If your not a Narcissist you are probably highly qualified and under paid , if this is your story then your boss is a Narc and you will never get another raise like the 1st raise (1$) GOD BLESS AMERICA and freedom of enterprise.

Your channel is really great and I appreciate the work you do. Thank you Dr. Malkin

This may be a stupid question at this juncture in my understanding of narcissism, which I’ve learned about due to my mother’s behavior in the past year but, I wanted to know what one does about “I Didn’t Mean Anything By That” type people. I have a coworker who, I can’t really say she’s narcissistic but, I and another coworker don’t really care for her because, there have been times when she is really condescending and a bit nasty and you feel as if she would feign innocence if she was called out and it was redirected at her. I think a lot of people, whether they are in a narcissistic dynamic or not, have found themselves in situations where a person’s commentary is completely overlooked yet, it is the response that gets attention. The offending person may be defended by the group leader and, at worst, negativity is seen as only coming from those who’ve defended themselves, even in the most artful and political way and they can even lose their job because they’ve “altered” the dynamic of their group. While you’re busy controlling your own behavior, understanding that you cannot control theirs, being empathetic and political and socially correct, they just feel they’re looking at fresh meat who is playing by the rules. Encouraging better behavior would likely be interpreted as weakness and brow nosing someone who isn’t even a superior. For someone like this, although they may not be a big bully, they seem to push the envelope when given enough power. Right now, because of something they’ve said, they’re trying to read me because they’ve seen my demeanor change. It feels as if it’s a toss up between wondering if you got their rather insulting message, whether you will insult them back, whether it will compromise you as, the boss you share seems to overlook what they’ve said, but might drop their jaw if you responded in kind. I can see that this person feels a bit frozen out where I’m concerned because of the change in my demeanor, but it’s not so much because it matters to them. It’s quite possible that he’d like to have my job, in addition to his own since he can be a bit arrogant. What I’m trying to avoid is a continuum where such a dynamic of just overlooking this behavior causes this person to continue getting away with this under the guise of sheer innocence and growing into an ogre. They’ve even been insulting to our boss at least once but, it is still usually overlooked. Gone are the days when people flippantly decide to switch jobs because of personality conflicts, unless it is truly horrific. I’ve seen a number of people leave a job that made them angry, only to find that they’re lucky if they’re able to return to that same job. So, it leaves a lot of people, not simply dealing with the other normal woes of work, but personality conflicts, sometimes triggered by personality disorders that you can be stuck with for years. Work places are mostly insane nowadays. Many people do the best they can to keep their nose clean because they know it wouldn’t be of any surprise if they saw someone get fired, all to come in the next day and find that that person is now their boss. As a result, people walk on eggshells, when they would’ve otherwise handled the situation in a fashion that would’ve put a cap on this sort of behavior.

Unfortunately, HR usually is a nope. And coffee is only rarely okay for the garden variety narcissism. You also have to be factual and neutral, never personal. The odd redirect of narcissistic fluffing is good ie ask for a book recommendation.

I felt stuck don't always realise that you are doing this crazy behaviour. Did run away from work, totally ended up. Totally we all want to be accepted.

The book cover is absolutely brilliant!

I completely appreciate what is being said here, but how do you respond when the narcissists keeps focusing on them not being responsible for others feelings?

Thanks for putting this video out. It helped me and warned me. I can't even understand how one person could say and do what he is doing and get away with it. It really have hurt me and my ability to functioning. I will listen very carefully to your advice and start protecting myself.