Low-grade narcissism 

Thank you for this. I have got it a few times and have reported it.

Thank you I just fell for it🙌

Ha! I'll beware.

@@aprilmay1700 I follow a channel about Vedanta by Swami Sarvapriyananda, and someone (now blocked) keeps taking his wonderful videos, filling them with ads (his are ad free) and faking the profile to look like the Vedanta Society, I guess it earns them money.

Must be a narcissist… not letting us live in peace.

Not that it's hopeless if you're in that situation by any means. My kids are 21 and 16 yo. They have been hurt, but they are doing well. I'm very proud of them.

This is one of the very sad parts of narcissist parents. They will use them and love bomb them and when they don't need to use them for a time, then they are cruel and uncaring. So confusing and harmful for the child and that parent does not care whatsoever how their actions and behaviors are crushing their own children. They simply use them

This low level narc description is one of my sisters to a tee. I was so relieved when she couldn't have children. She is definitely becoming more toxic and hateful over time

Theyre very Lucky to have you. At least you showed them what healthy is. Many dont have healthy parents. One Just less narc than the other. No place to go.

😢 in the same boat.

Very similar to my family as well. My is loved by most everyone but behind the scenes, my mom was holding it together for the family with scheduling, appointments, doctors, taxes. My dad was focused on "the big picture" and thought of the family as a "team" and he's the head of it.

Yes this is my son. Only capable of shallow superficial relationship that works at a distance, in small bites like a holiday.

That happened in my home as well. My eldest son has been more mature and responsible and adult like than my husband from a very young age. (Poor thing!) It's sad! My boys aren't very close to their dad as adults.. he doesn't try at all, even though we've talked about him reaching out more to our children for years now. Funny thing is, now that I've left, he's in Daily contact with All my kids in one way or another; texting, video chats, etc. He normally doesn't partake in family groups, etc. But now, This is Intentional!! He's got ulterior motives, such as showing them and myself that he's doing just fine without me. We have a large family and I had to be both mother and father for most of our marriage. I had to learn to become Very independent of him right away, I couldn't lean on him, I was the 'rock' for him! Never was it reciprocated, and I definitely realize now what a child he was. My eighth child! He was 'checked out', Always in our bedroom after work. Or he hid in the bathroom for hours! It was a tug of war to get him out of hiding. To deal with daily issues, to discipline, to help around the house. If someone needed to get groceries, it was him or I, never both. "If you want to go, why should I?" He wouldn't Ever take our children places, to the store, errands, out to sporting events, nowhere. He's always lived separately from our family. He would undo what my rules were, such as the kids getting good grades. They are all highly intelligent, and one particular child with ADHD stopped doing work, didn't even bring a pencil to class, and wouldn't participate, but would ace the tests. There were my consequences, then dad undoing them. Always stuck up for the children, and made me look like mean mom. He was a rebel at 20 and is still at 50!! A rebel without a cause that had Serious consequences for myself and our children. Stuck at 18 years old emotionally. Still plays ' cool'. Embarrassed to be 'grandpa'. The kids came to me for all their needs, emotional, physical. He would at rare times help with homework, but impatiently, begrudgingly, with no encouragements or compliments. Now that all are out of our home except one teen, he is even Worse!! My teenager has a lot of anger at him. He has given us the silent treatment for several years now. He can ruin His own life, but I woke up when I realized he was ruining ours! Its been over 30 years and I just Cannot do it anymore!!! And all those years I beat Myself up! I thought it was Me. I was always confused, trying harder, my mind was 'effed with' so bad! I look back and I don't know How I did it! Im sorry for going on and on, I had no intentions to! There is so much more. Just trying to heal, to be, to understand. If you're Still reading, well I assume maybe you can relate. Thank you. God bless!

@@Random-JustAnother im sorry you had to deal with someone like that for so long, you’re so strong it’s incredible. Please keep going, you children will understand one day and see the truth. They will remember who was actually there.

@@lohelenve Thank you, I truly appreciate the encouragement!!

@@Random-JustAnother This reminds me of my parents. My father was the "fun" one, while my mother did all the heavy lifting. I go to my mother for my emotional problems. I would never go to my father for my emotional problems because he cannot even handle the slightest stress in his own life and unleashes all his emotional problems onto us without reciprocating. I'm grateful for my mom and love her, and I'm sure your kids are grateful and love you as well!

@@burpie3258 Thank you so much!! I needed to hear that! I hope they can Always come to me for anything and know my well of love is never ending. ❤️

Yes they need an enabler to survive.

Yep. Textbook covert narc.

Lol they wouldn't show up anyway 🤣

@@thaliah.759 True that!

Sadly I sound like the friend. I can see how my own friends view me this way.

Like we don't have our own problems, mine we're so on board for having me part of their families (all far from perfect) and how did being a friend to one of them become being adopted by all of them? I'm good thanks!

@@thaliah.759 They'd get in the way!

totally agree...they are such a drain

Can you believe it, malignant mom never said I'd have to confirm her mummified corpse was indeed hers and I found out giving the job to a half-cousin who lives much closer anyway, perhaps it's her only way of stalling what's at stake 🔥!

Thanks Linda put in a great way.

So true! Haha

Low n fast $ 10s Al for grab, speed up

Exactly. I pray the best in life for them, but there is no overcoming that void.

Oh yes, they are draining 😮‍💨

Until you learn how to manage your responses to the narcs.

I'm right behind you in age and still in my dysfunctional relationship due to health issues that make it hard to be self supportive. I find myself extremely isolated due to the embarrassment of the constant Jerry Springer dysfunctional lifestyle. I don't feel I'm a good fit for friendship with healthy people because my life includes all the constant crazy that comes with living with a narcissist. Who wants to be the person at lunch with a healthy friend always sharing the latest insanity of the week? And who wants to be the person when asked, how's everything, has to smile and evade any real response? I know I desperately need to have connections with healthy people again. I just truly can't figure out how to make it work while still living in the narcissistic crazy making circle. It's a very isolated existence at a time in life where you begin to wonder if you will ever again have happy, healthy human relationships.

Bingo.

@@ssmith5127 Healthy people have problems too. Don’t let them tell you otherwise! What you need are some decent, honest people who are willing to listen and share stories, and to encourage and understand you. I found a job with an entire office filled with such friends, to the point where we can share anything and we call each other “family.” No one is perfect. Humility is an amazing gift we give each other.

Absolutely!

So embarrassing at the age 42 smh

Totally agree with your comment

Don't give up! Your future goals that you talked about to them was a reminder to them of their shortcomings and unhappiness.

Be wise and careful. They will show back up when you are of use to them. I wish I had not been so kind and forgiving time after time. In hindsight they were a "one way" person.

my ex boyfriend told me taking extra credits in college doesn't mean anything. and told me I can't get cumlaude,, they're the same actually

I have sister friends who are very encouraging and supportive, so please don't give up on women as friends. We do exist.

@@serene1486 Glad he is your "ex". I have had guys like that. I'm usually pretty accepting about events in my life but if I could change one thing it would be to avoid people like this. They never help you get to be the person you can be. And they can do so much damage to your self-esteem. I know that I don't treat people in this manner. I don't know why I made allowances for others to treat me this way.

Yes. _That_ is your malignant narcissist.

Yes the save the demonic behavior for their loved ones

❤️

Gee it's great to read when someone is being helped by these videos and starts to emotionally feel better.

Saaaaaaaaame!

This. This was life with my ex. WOW.

i laughed because that all i can do 😂 at this point

I can totally relate to this, I've had something very similar happen.

I have Those neigbours 😬

Sounds like a scene right out of the BBC sitcom "Keeping Up Appearances". Your neighbour sounds just like the main character, Hyacinth Bucket... The lengths her neighbours go to avoid Hyacinth is the source of much of the comedy! Think Hyacinth is definitely a Narcissist :)

@@roxydee1452 - I remember that show. I have a neighbour just like her, but my age, though they have a slightly higher income, than we make…which should make no difference to a friendship. We would do certain things together- but i could always feel she was competing with me; or coming across all airy n better than me and bossy. I’m not a competitive person by nature - but every time I ‘buckled under’ to her, it felt like I was feeding her EGO….and not letting my talents, good deeds go unnoticed….and felt used than appreciated. I’ve noticed a lot of shows now-a-days use a lot of narcissism in their main characters…like Clauz from “The Originals”

Yep. I recently had an elderly acquaintance who ticked every box. I now avoid. Not worth the increasing hassle.

Exactly 😵‍💫😂🤣😂

Brilliant !!!!!

Well that explains why my bar was almost on the floor, because of how little I started to expect from my (most likely) narc ex..

The expectations are so low I could trip over them. 😆

Yup lol

I have a niece like this who does that, pout, it's not very cute at an advancing age and we're told by her narc mom that's she's so sensitive, and?? But if course our opinion doesn't matter so no breath is lost on my part, I don't think it should excuse her immaturity!

Yup. Been with mine for 5 years now and holy s**t ramani nails it again 😂. Didnt wanna believe i had already fallen into patterns of narcissistic relationships but my mother was (still is, great spirit protect those in her path ) a raging narc. I'll never forget the first year we were together when i looked him in the eyes and saw my mother staring back at me . i shrugged it off as "just a weird coincidence" . Ive since learned there are only incidental things in the world of humans. Never mistake your instincts for "coincidence".

@@scottblack7182 when the narc shows you who they are believe them the first time!

This basically describes my last romantic interest..very well. Heaven forbid she should ever hear the word "no."

@mountain blue I hear you loud and clear. Lol. ALL the men in my generation/family have been treated like they are gods. Scandanavian men and treated like mini gods. Ugh.

I love the way she speaks

I’m just mortified that every person I am ever attracted to has some low-grade narcissism! 🤦🏻‍♀️

@@Beccanator007 this is a mirror neuron thing where we and up believing people's lies about themselves. So, people who have impostor syndrome, we think less of them even though they tend to be smarter. And people with narcissistic tendencies get jobs more, because they look so confident. If you step back look for possible lies, and give yourself a few months to test your hypothesis about the people, you'll have a lot better luck seeing people for who they are.

My ex wasn’t low grade, but he did have some of the traits of one, I would put him higher up the spectrum. But he certainly used me as his councillor, it was very draining and he was never interested in anything I had to say, he just wanted to offload onto me and for me to just sit and listen.

@@catlady6938 Thank God I thought I was the only one! Yeah, the low-grade narcissist (Oh, trust me I've had my fair share) but the one I was talking about, he never seemed interested in anything else except to have the therapeutic client relationship. It was even to the point where he was putting words in my mouth (literally) I wasn't saying anything and he was making all these presumptions about me (that weren't even true that I hadn't said). That's what really had gotten on my nerves in the end. In the end, I just told him that he was an emotional vampire ( I even gave the definition of it), he turned around and told me "To go play with your imaginary friend Anne."😐😐😐😐 that had to be the most hilarious and pathetic come back I'd ever heard. I'm presuming he just didn't get it he did have a disability (however with his disability it didn't excuse much because he was high functioning on top of it).

@@kryssysmith1486 they truly are sick individuals, no you are not the only one, offloading is one of their traits. I told my ex towards the end I thought he was a narcissist, he said I was wrong, of course he would say that, but he was true text book narcissist. In the end he showed himself up in front of me and a group of friends, I told him he was a fool for what he did. Now if I happen to run into him in town he can’t even look at me, he knows I know what he is, and I have lost any respect for him, he has a huge narc injury and will, hopefully leave me alone.

You just described my entire relationship with my mother.

@@HoneyButterHotsauce Hugs

Right on, lucky you to have optioned out!

I agree. There are billions of non-narc people out there, no need to be a martyr.

This describes my ex narc boyfriend too. Like yourself he has the signs of a middle grade narc too as I was put through a barrage of constant pathological lies and gaslighting. Plus he lied about things he had no need to lie about to me about and to other people meaning his friends in the process. People that I didn't know but have later found out from them he had lied to them too. My ex was incapable of truths and didn't find them of any importance. And when things were questioned re his lies and when I became upset with him about our situation meaning the distance he would then turn the silent treatment on me for days, weeks, and months. Which was so frustrating to me as our situation was hard enough as we were in a long distance relationship in only being able to see each other with his allowed holiday time from work which equates to only 28 days a year. But out of that 28 days traveling had to be deducted which meant even less time in being together and with each other. So vocal communication and video calls was the only thing we had throughout the time of not seeing one another. So when the silent treatment came in you can imagine my frustration.

@@Hotlips313 omg I think we must have dated the same guy...

Thank you, I've just posted a question about this. I've been lulled into a false sense of security in assuming someone to be superficial but essentially harmless. Turned out, no.

Finally! This describes my ex completely!!!!!

@@starbritegirl you may just be beginning to peep their card.

Same! My friends from school becomes so annoying now that we're 30+. She hasn't matured. She's become worse in her entitlement. I'm not part of that anymore.

@@withyoctopus I'm 59 and was very glad our pool opened up with some covid restrictions .. My bud from h.s. asked if I flirted with the lifeguards (sure like he'd find me attractive or tas if I was out to ruin his life) but I just brushed it aside to her low intelligence!

It's funny how people watch these videos and immediately think of someone else other than themselves. Isn't that some form of narcissism?😅

@@marcogaming2099 I think it's projection that fits better with what you're saying. Toxic and non toxic people alike will project. We easily point out faults in another that are present and many times worse in ourselves. Like, "Hey, let me get that splinter out of your eye, while I ignore the 2X4 over both of my eyes!" Is that kinda what you meant? The people on this channel are pretty intuitive. Most of them check themselves as well. It either quacks like a duck or it doesn't, the shoe either fits or it doesn't......

@@marcogaming2099 Thinking others are narcissistic could be projection or a result of entitlement, but not always; sometimes you’re legit dealing with a narc lol. We have no way of knowing who in this comment section is or isn’t an unaware narc though, and they’re never able to see they’re the ones at fault, so it’s kind of a moot point.

I’m sorry. I hope you are truly happy.

My parents may have been the other way around. Dad was the “fun” parent but often gone off attention-seeking and not reliable. Mom was SAHM and miserable, resentful and abusive, and a Religion and TV addict.

Have you heard of the inverted NPD, also known as co-dependent , Mirror NPD..... This person exclusively depends on the narcissistic and only feels valuable and worthy if they are in a relationship with narcissist that would be considered the head or the dominant narcissist of the two of them. Who has all the authority in the relationship. One Narcissistic becomes the other Narcissistic slave to get supply. They live in constant fear that the narcissistic will leave them. There is more to this one it's pretty crazy.

Yeah, same here, my dad. Amazing how they can go a lifetime being physically present but not emotionally or intellectually present. And it never gets better; in fact, he's probably getting worse as he ages.

I just can't imagine wanting to introduce someone to people as my "lover." Yeah, the word is used in sappy poetry and crap, but... to REFER to an actual person in your life as THAT?! What the fuck is wrong with people?

@@devilsoffspring5519 Yeah. Or when people say "my baby" about their partner - that sets my teeth on edge.

@@linnbaader87 Some guys (usually younger ones) will refer to their girlfriends as "my bitch" or "my pussy"--even when she's around! The ditzy broads stand there and smile smugly and sometimes giggle, instead of slapping him and leaving.

I had the exact same experience recently. I just broke up with her on the 17th of October, and these 3 days have finally recharged my batteries. She was incredibly attractive, 28, but I felt I was dating an 18-year-old who only cared about her needs, but she loved bombed me at first and the push and pull psychologically does work. It’s a mechanism that makes it addictive. I know it sounds f*cked up. She’s also very needy and clingy, I believe she wasn’t a low grade narcissist but a “covert narcissist” because she was reserved and shy even. She only had 3 friends and she would always think that they were thinking ill of her. She now has a son, and she’s always arriving late to daycare with him, etc.

Thankfully, I managed to see the signs and it wasn’t an a year relationship instead closer to 7 months. But I was completely mentally, physically, emotionally, and even spiritually exhausted. Honestly, I was running on fumes and pure will. I was the perfect target because I’m highly empathetic and I never quit (I’m a fighter pilot) and we go through SERE (Survive, Escape, Resistance and Evasion) training it’s essentially making people torture proof and teaching them how to survive and if possible escape as well as toughen up the mind to psychological warfare and manipulation tactics. We spoke about this a lot, and not to mention I’m a medical student so that helped me recognize it fast but not as fast as I would’ve liked (date 3 or so) haha. Better late than never. Have a great day everyone!

They're so loud, they're human bulldozers! It's a compliment to us that they make us feel uncomfortable!

I agree!!!! I truly don't understand why a 3 year old needs their own social media accounts.

A pacifier, a bottle, a boob, a drink, a smoke, a line, a ........ it's all the came thing. Soothers for their undeveloped baby self.

Or an ACOA who has no sense of wanting to change.

Self centered

I struggle with every bad behaviour being labeled a flavour of narcissism. Histrionic personality disorders is a separate disorder to borderline, and narcissistic but they are in the same cluster of disorders. Some behaviors in relationships are attachment disorders, trauma related vs narcissism. But if you are a hammer everything is a nail.

Every single comment in this comments section thrives on being the victim. When your 'objective' argument is strongly biased on one side making someone a complete villian and yourself the victor the argument is so very obviously no longer objective

@@tdbhmusic huh?

@@joywebster2678 I know right, "Heather" has been on other comments trying to criticise the Doc. She's triggered as most likely her bad behaviour is coming to light and she might not like being labelled a Narc.

Me, too but it was having children that finally tipped the scales. God forbid a crying baby needs you more than the Narc. He always had to be the center of the universe.

I think they should 😆

🤣😂🤣

That's hilarious!most of the "housewives" are narcs anyway!

@@peachesmcgee4795 You are so right!

Oh no. So hard on her 😚 hate that

@@micheleshively8557 thanks; yes, she was devastated.

Well Said!

Yup. I wouldn't say one of my parents is a full blown narcissist all the time, but there's an issue with variable empathy / not being able to understand where I'm coming from or dismissing my pov, that has always made me have very shaky trust with that relationship.

Very true.

Nice wheels!

Absolutely

I disagree, and I have a low tolerance for generalizing statements that gaslight folks into thinking that their confirmation biases have to be fed, somehow. Someone may lack consideration for you, but that doesn't mean that they are narcissistic. It is, however, narcissistic to think that you are OWED consideration.

@@JoyZoneYT, I agree that this is just a little bit too broad of a statement to be accurate or helpful. Feeling like someone hasn't been considered doesn't always mean that they haven't been; just that there are different priorities in different situations.

It makes quite a massive difference if you actually pay attention to what Dr Ramani is saying instead of making sweeping statements.

@@schrire39 I would suggest to you to do your own sweeping first before you make massive statements about others comments!

@@aprilmay1700 bites from "baby" snakes are often as venomous as the bite from the adult....Who's to say that a baby narcissist isn't as venomous as an adult narcissist? Both are lethal.....As the saying goes, "there's a serpent in every garden".... 🐍 BEWARE!!!! your comment is soooo spot on!

Dr. Romani explains it because spouses and co-workers need info if they can't completely disengage. It helps to know their limits, and also to avoid as much interaction as possible.

I find all nac that I encounter, have bad childhoods… from negilet n.

@@jupiteronkauai Not my ex, he was spoiled rotten. And my Sis who is low grade had a great childhood. But she was always envious of others and insecure which has gotten worse over the years.

Shelley, That’s me. I’m not as bad as what this video describes, but I did catch myself being annoying, cute, flirty, and shallow in my past relationships. It doesn’t look good on a 56 year old, so I’ve had to drop all that, and yes it is a bit uncomfortable. I really don’t know anything other than being that way, but I’m practicing being a little less perky and a little more calm, subdued and serious. I’m staying single until I can feel comfortable having a conversation without being overbearing.

I do this. I am constantly questioninng myself when I've had an interaction that left me feeling off. I don't want to be a narcissist though I know I have the tendencies and saw it modeled in all my formative relationships. I'm terrified of becoming the thing that hurt me so much, and I don't want to hurt others either.

Hah, you just described me

@AK I wonder too. I have listen to other videos about narcissism and they talk about cover narc, malignt narc, grandios narc an so on - so I'm a little confused about it. My nex ( = narcissist ex ) is in my definitions a covert narcissist. In my opinion my nex has a lot of lower narc in his behavior but then he has a lot of all those others behavior too. And most like a cover narc and not so much of grandios ... So I'm confused to say "he is only ONE of all those" but anyhow I KNOW FOR SURE: He IS a narc and ever since I left him last year in autumn I will NOT go back to him! I lasted in 12 years until I get out of that toxic relationship but for now I free and rid of him.

On a less directed scale.....they still lie, avoid accountability, don't have empathy for you, they may have cuter childlike tantrums than full blown narcs, but they still are avoiding being adult. They still smear you behind your back but done in support of their story vs. Attacking you. "My bf won't let me buy that cuz I overspent last month, he's so mean, a girl has to have fun".

Oh yeah! They do it!

Gee he wouldn't happen to be a UPS driver would he? I've had issue with one myself!

@@rachelcronin916 no not a UPS driver. Actually a close friend who tends to get beside themselves often.

@@rachelcronin916 Are you diagnosing UPS drivers with NPD because you had an "issue" with them?

interesting that you write some people have it all figured out and are working others like a game, while most people seem to act completely unconsciously. Society: be super attractive, Also Society: no no not like that

So, so sorry to hear this account, Emma. Keep Connected! Keep Believing in Self! Keep Strong!

Emma Louie You Are worthy!! To be Alive, to be Loved, to be Respected, to be Cherished, to be Listened to, to have Needs!!! May you grow to learn your value and worth and may you surround yourself with people who give you those things freely! I hope you find that special someone!! Never Settle!! ❤️❤️

☹️ I felt the same for my mom but now that my parents are older I have forgiven them and they’re trying to be better people and that’s what matters. I hope it gets better for you💗 your past isn’t your story

So sorry about your brother. I have a father narc. And my mother loves to give me "compliments" that I am just like my father, whatever good I do in my life, is just like my father. It makes me angry because I don't want to be a narc like him, but often I wonder if I might be a narc like him. He never liked me as a child, because I was the crying sensitive one, he would make me cry in no time, and then got pissed that I am crying. He could rage for an hour and more when something or someone pissed him off. It would start small and become a huge rage, I was calling it "snow ball effect" I was scared of him untill my late 30s. Only through work with children and recognizing my own defficiencies and mistakes, I was able to understand the situation I was in, and stop being scared of him. He can't hurt me anymore, because I don't care anymore, I am not scared anymore. I would happily cut ties, but because of the social media, and telefones, I am unable. In this situation I wish the means of communication were not there. It was easier to cut ties years ago. You just left, and didn't write a letter - super easy. Hang in there. It is the best to move far away, it becomes more bereable, because it is at the physical distance, and you can distance yourself emotionally and mentally too. Best of luck. Ps my father often would say, "I shouldn't have had children", I agree. It also impacted me, and I worried that I might not like my kids, just like he didn't like me, so it is better not to have them, than risking it.

@@babycakes8434 I think you sound more like the family scapegoat than a narcissist. And other family members will say YOU are the Narc when you're not - a form of gaslighting to make you doubt your own sanity! Don't believe them.

- Immature -needy - histrionic -flirty -fantasy world -bratty -annoying - my dad.

*Peter pan mode* is always in FULL effect, and you could never have a grown up conversation with them... Some of the things I've notice whilst striving to avoid the landmines as I strive to finesse my way out... Their... Condensing manner, Materialistic view/gaging others by it ,Idolization/ Demeaning...belittling an making cutting remarks, denying other reality... Could I ask something? Does anyone else get scared by jus seeing the person's number plate? I always feel like I'm being followed an watched by either them or flying monkeys I'm I being paranoid ?

Could also be Borderline Personality disorder, anxiety, bipolarity...

No, they don’t have any more empathy, in their eyes *they* are still the child. Mine would pitch tantrums in front of our son without any regard as to how it would affect him. Screaming and crying on his birthday. Smashing up furniture. No. No empathy.

Yes they do have more empathy than high level narcs. Think of them as teenagers who never really grew up. Like teens, they are self centered, egocentric, egoistic, ... not really mean or so, just.. emotionally immature. My mum is like that and a friend of mine also, she is a histrionic personality, too. Kind of draining the more time you spend with them, but allright if you learn how to set boundaries.

Mine throws it back at me too, doesn't this simply make them their own enablers!

@@joseenoel8093 Totally! He left me about a year ago now, saying we weren't compatible because I am "anxious and angry by nature". After a while he said he blamed me a lot but he blamed himself too... but never said what for or took responsibility for anything. It became clear that what he wants is for somebody to be a mom to him and not complain about it!

@@clauclau792 When I talk to my low-grade N spouse about separating, I hope that he agrees with me that we are not compatible and that we can separate cleanly like that! I don't know what is going to happen. I expect he'll love bomb and I'll feel bad or feel the self-doubt.. ! Life is hard. I am trying to mentally prepare. And it's been super hard to get my family to understand what I've been going through.

@@clauclau792 what was your experience with him? I think my dad is like this, so I've been trying to figure it out. He's just so easily irritated or offended, but the rules don't apply to him in reverse. And I know he wants certain things to be done for him, like for my mother to cater to him more. He also refuses to do basic things that are part of being a considerate person that lives with others (like putting things back when he pulls them out, washing his hands before he goes in the fridge after using the bathroom, leaving groceries on the table expecting others to put away even though he wouldn't dare do it for anyone else, not blasting the volume on the TV to the point that everyone has to yell, only watching what he wants & going to places he wants to go to, etc), but he doesn't want you to complain about how he affects you. Just wants you to deal with it bc it's not a problem to him. But God forbid you do the slightest thing, and he's offended...like if you ask him to please clear out his bowls instead of putting it in the sink filled with gross onion dip for someone else to have to clean out. Or offended if you don't want to eat the meal he cooked, but only bc he took a dirty dish from the sink and stirred the food with it. Again, it's like your only option with him is to quietly deal with however he wants to do things, but he'll voice if he doesn't like something you do. My mom gets the most of it, she's often a doormat for him. My siblings and I started speaking up a little more, and he knows he can't bulldoze the way he does with her. So it's not nearly as bad for us, but we still just grew up learning to tip toe around him, so usually we don't address anything in order to avoid his moodiness. I'm not entirely convinced it's all malicious though, he can def be petty or spiteful, but I think usually he truly doesn't get how difficult he is. He's the type that will get 10 ppl who all remember an event the same, but he remembers it differently and it's everyone else that must be wrong vs the more logical conclusion that maybe he just has it wrong.

Lol yeah why are we having to be their parents? 😒🙄🙄

Me too😂😂😂

that is EXACTLY my narcissistic mother oh my gosh. We literally drive 2 hours to the beach just for her to take a sunset picture from the car, not get down, and go back home. To and from the beach is hell also because she is always throwing tantrums and being problematic. But she is a high-grade narc

this is why many people like me, are afraid of leaving a low / mid range narc

You've learned things here, so you may have not been doing "your part" in the 'dance' !

there's likely a power imbalance, that's why you're wanting so much to label him as narcissist, to even the score

Or he's hiding sh!t better. My ex-ASPD was newly engaged to someone every 6weeks. Everyone on his FB was aware of this .. the child & I were the 'dirty secret' except at his work .. then? We were props for status. BTW we were living together for 8 years .. not a word to us from any family member that the ASPD's Facebook completely outlined his 2 life status. Absolutely bizarre.

Don't ever get married to him, he will switch then. I think for some of them, the knowledge that they got you, and have you now is making them to not care anymore about hiding their true face. They can show what they are capable of, because they own you now. Try to be disagreeable, and also ask him to do things for you that he might not want to do and he might show you his true face. Good luck.

Baby Cakes is right. Whatever faults someone displays before marriage, when they're trying to impress you, will get 100 times worse after marriage when they've got you cornered.

I am in this for 8yrs as well..and now we are about to get married..but i am so so so ready to get out..i am healing myself..educating and self realizing that this is my own deep wounds which has kept me in loop with his abuse for so long..also there was hope that i will conquer his rage with my love and affection..but dr ramani has opened my eyes that this is beyond repair and i want out..no matter wat cost i hav to pay..i wud rather live alone than being in dis abuse

Start by putting away some money every week, cash back at the grocery store & stuff. You’re going to need some money for a down payment on a place to stay, gas, whatever. I hope you have friends or family members that you can rely upon to help you move, or you may have to just walk away with nothing. They will try to bleed you dry once you leave.

@@BirchWitch thank you so much for the advice❤️. I started putting money back in a hidden account a few months ago. Sad part about it is we just moved into an amazing home. I’ve already made up my mind that at the end of the day materialistic things do not matter over my sanity.

@@CJ-CANADA omg I’m so sorry you went thru all of that and thank you so much for all of your advice. I’m so nervous but finally I feel ready. I feel like I would have left sooner had this pandemic not arrive but I can’t take this any longer. The constant manipulation is just too much to handle

I have been in this for 6 years...we have 3 kids. I get it....

This is what I was wondering. There's still maybe some light narcissistic traits when they feel bad, but once they have meds they have the emotional regulation to work on it. For me when I fail, I always just try to be better and keep failing. And try to help come up with ways to simplify the process. But remembering to do some small tasks felt so impossible that I would just not even try. I'm trying out meds now. And hoping this is easier.

@@truecrimejungle A person with inattentive type of ADHD. Which actually seems like a lot of what she mentioned.

@@myamyaw772 exactly . You're are right . In order to understand it you need to know add very well. Maybe she doesn't .

Without realizing it she described add and in part asd.

@@truecrimejungle hello , there are many medical researches online that explain why add might be mistaken with narcissism ( asd also in part). I insist , the low grade narcisism doctor rahamani was talking about , is missing the basis of narcissism you were describing but it perfectly fits add . A chilidish ,careless, selfish , dependent behaviour is not narcisism.

They always have a way to make you believe they love you and that they'll pay you back. Both narcs I dated seemed like the most genuine and sensitive people I've ever met, and then they manipulated me. It's so confusing. Probably the thing is that they are genuine most of the time, they just genuinely don't have any empathy for anyone. Btw the narcs I dated did say that they had no empathy and that they hurt people, I just didn't pay attention to it, because it sounded like an exaggeration. It was not.

He loved what you could do for him. All of us have been there.

We just quietly celebrated our 26th, low key works for me, he kinda complained, as usual, full out floored had him complaining too 🤷, so I quietly pointed out I'd given him 26 yrs (7 prior) of my life, what more could I do for him so he should just get real! Do torture yourself with whatever shananigans she's up to!

Just be sure to leave her in the past, 8 months ago I ended a relationship with someone who couldn't stop. Being loyal foe 18 years after divorce and wasted 4 years of my life....Sadly I. Now feel like it's too hard to find a partner. The ex narcs esp female find a way to draw their exes back. Good luck.

I have anxiety and depression when under extreme stress. I understand this and am not in a relationship and don't promise things I can't follow through on. I am working on these things always.

@@rozannamurayama9629 It's not easy. Not at all. Depression runs in my family, genuine clinical depression, and it's so much harder to deal with than most people understand. The smallest things can feel overwhelming at such times. Please take good care of yourself. You matter.

@@falconbritt5461 thank you.

Depression and anxiety can be disabling and are serious reasons. People suicide every day due to having those conditions. No, you cannot expect them (us) to act like we do not have depression.

@@cyberninjasworld Exactly! To me the danger of all this talk about narcissism and narcissistic behaviors is how people can lump in all kinds of people into that category unfairly. There must be tens or even hundreds of thousands of videos on narcissism at this point, and there are incessant posts about the empath-narcissist dynamic all over social media and Quora... it's everywhere. People who have anxiety or depression can't follow through well because their neurotransmitters are out of whack at that time - seriously so, they're having trouble just managing to stay alive in many cases - but that *doesn't* make them narcissists. Even if someone shows one behavior (like unreliability) it doesn't make them a narcissist, no matter how annoyed it might make other people. We shouldn't be labeling everyone a narcissist. And especially we shouldn't throw unfair labels on people when we don't really even know what they might be suffering from or dealing with. This is happening too often these days.

Charlotte: yes same here. Low grade until the BIG BETRAYAL then when you call them out & confronted them, they go full throttle Narcissist.

Glad to see more people learning and growing

Avoidant and narcissistic styles are similar in that they have fragile self esteem and are sensitive to being rejected. The main difference is in how they prefer to cope. The narcissist will prefer to control the situation or person, while the avoidant will prefer to get away from the situation or person.