REAL TALK: Sleep Training 

I think a big reason for the controversy with Sleep Training is the terminology. "Training" sounds so clinical. In this video, it sounds like what you've done is listen to your babies and find routines that worked for your family. A babies mode of communication is crying, and its clear you know the difference between whining and hard crying. As a early childhood teacher, a big philosophy I follow is "a child has never died from crying". Also, an adults response teaches babies that their actions and behaviors cause reactions. So when you run in everytime the baby whimpers, the baby learns that's all it takes to get mommy to sleep with them. If you give them time to realize that yes, mommy is not there, but they will be fine, then thats what they will internalize. I think your method is fantastic and this information will help so many moms. Thank you for being real and allowing this conversation to take place even with the threat of scrutiny. Just know that you have more support than haters. Youre doing great Mama!

No don’t close the comments please I always look at them to see what other moms do lol. It’s so hard to put my son to sleep and I learn a lot from you as a first time mom.

I think what is most missing from the discussion on babies and sleep in our times is that modern day parents in developed countries are profoundly under supported to be parents, in all ways. Generally speaking, we are light years from being in a position to provide physiologically/psychologically optimal care to our young children - and not be personally depleted beyond recognition. It is an absolute travesty. We were NEVER supposed to parent in isolation, nuclear families place enormous pressures on parents and children alike (check alloparenting). However that is the way it is for most of us watching this video. No, babies should not be left *alone* to cry purposefully as some kind of method, it's far from the ideal. However neither should MOTHERS/PARENTS be left to suffer the consequences of a culture that doesn't protect or support the needs of those first few parenting years, excruciating sleep deprivation included! While the gentle parenting movement has contributed enormously to babies wellbeing, we haven't seen a decrease in perinatal mood disorders, quite the opposite. I urge us all to see each other as doing our absolute best under insane circumstances, and to turn our critical eye to the culture we live in and the harm it is doing to young families and the biological needs of babies/children and parents alike.

I always said I would never let my baby cry it out. I told myself I could handle nursing to sleep, rocking to sleep, attending to my child's every whimper. And I did.. for the first five months. Then he started waking up every 30-40 minutes, taking hours to put down, waking in the night and just being up for hours at a time. I was too afraid to drive with him in the car because I was too drowsy. I told my husband every day that I hated being a mom. I wanted to die because it felt like torture. I would wake up for the 10th time a night and just start literally screaming and crying because I couldn't take it anymore. I wasn't being a good parent. It was obvious that my son was suffering as well. He was constantly fussy day and night. We ended up contacting a pediatric sleep consultant. The first night, he cried for twenty minutes, was calm and awake for twenty minutes, cried another twenty minutes, and fell asleep (with Dad next to his crib the whole time). He woke 3 times and quickly fell back asleep on his own. The second night, he cried for fifteen minutes and then slept 11 hours. He was so sleep deprived and so was I. I cried happy tears that morning. It changed our lives. I love being a mom now. My son and I have an incredible relationship. And he is sooo happy all the time now! Thank you for being actually real about this topic!

I swore I wouldn’t sleep train especially with any crying.. well 8 months in I was OVER IT. I sleep trained and he cried. He is now 2.5 and sleeps great! It makes me a better and happier mom and him less cranky which also leads to me being happier. I think us having our basic needs met and happy is what’s important. Sleep deprived I am mean and snappy. I think yelling at him is worse than teaching him to sleep well.

Would love to see a video on how you self care while Montessori. I’m struggling on how to entertain my toddler when I need to shower. The television is just the most convenient way. Thanks for being so real and honest.

Hi Ashley thank you so much for being REAL. I was in tears when you were describing how you would crawl into the crib with your Kylie and cry with her... That's exactly what happened with me a few times and sometimes we as moms feel so alone and even hate ourselves for not always know what the "best solution" is and it was just so encouraging knowing that there are actually ALOT of moms out there that go through the same thing and that have tried so many different "methods". Hugs** Felicia

I feel better and have accepted my baby girl naps are 30 mins too. I'm glad to see my baby is not the only one

I'm only 2min in and I already need to comment: preach girl! I know exactly what you are saying. I follow you as I love how normal and raw you are, no sugar coating. Also my younger is 7 and a half months so just a bit younger than yours so it is awesome to hear your tips. . . esecially now that she has gone BONKERS with her sleep. lots of love to you and the family!

I have 2 kids and haven't slept well in 3 years. Cosleeping is my family's only option, just like you said. Thank you so much for this raw real talk video.

I’m so sorry you have to feel this way (that you wanted to close the comments) but this really is what the comment section on every platform has become 😢 every mother has to see what method suits her family and it’s nobody else’s business. Thank you for your beautiful video’s and your honesty!

I Thank you for having the courage to talk openly, freely and without judgement about your children's sleep. Your experience has provided so much reassurance and insight on one of the many ways we as parents can help our children sleep. It was so relatable and shows that we can pick and choose what works and that every baby is different. Thank you again!!

After watching this video I'm impressed how you always look so beautiful and put together, although you don't get to sleep through the night

I really enjoyed this video. My little boy is almost 14 months now and we cosleep and breastfeed and babywear and all of that. He wakes through the night and bedtime is usually long and can be difficult. I'm fine with it, I believe in attachment parenting and that works for our family. However, I feel like a gained a lot of insight from you sharing both of your sleep journeys with your girls, and you have made me think about addressing some of the judgements I have, which is definitely a really good thing. We are a one child family for many reasons, including that we do not have the time and resources to do what we're doing with another one. Again, it was really valuable to see how you approach having two young children. I think that, similarly to what you say in your video, as a parent you try so hard to do the right thing by your child that sometimes you get tunnel vision and fail to recognise and appreciate all of the individual and equally valid journeys that parents are on. I have been a follower of your channel for quite some time and have gained so much from what you have chosen to share, so thanks again.

Thank you for the real talk. Felt pretty defeated after our 9 month appt this week. My LO is not sleeping through the night, wakes a couple times to feed, & has always been a cat napper. We are also bedsharing. I don't know what our "training" plan is, but I too am Uncomfortable with just letting her cry. Thank you for the ideas and suggestions. It's great to be reminded that what I'm doing works for us at this time. We as mamas need to support each other and over encouragement, not judgements or meanness. Great content! You're all doing awesome!!

These videos are so inspiring-appreciate your honesty. It is nice to hear from someone who parents respectfully, isn’t judgmental of others and who isn’t overly rigid when things don’t go perfectly.

Big love for your honesty and openness ❤️ thanks for sharing! Every child is different but i find it so useful to hear non judgmental experiences of other moms. And it’s heartwarming to know that someone I admire and respect as a parent like you, has struggles with sleep as well 😉

Such a wise mama♥️ Your outlook on motherhood and parenting is encouraging. You are speaking empowerment to discouraged mamas and its coming from a genuine sweet place. Love love love thos video ♥️♥️♥️

I love this! We have a great sleeper with our 10 month old. He takes 2 1.5-2.5 hour naps a day and sleeps 11-12 hours at night. We never had to sleep train him. But we also have followed his wake times, and that does help a lot. We don't put him to bed until he is very tired, but not over tired.

Enlightening and encouraging. I currently live in one room in my mother in laws home and I now I am going to go through challenges with sleeping. Right now some family members rock him to sleep and that’s what he’s used to but once he’s put down in his bassinet he does sleep. He just turned three months so it’s just the beginning for us. Thank you for your time and making this video

Love this video. I was so sleep deprived I was not mentally okay. I tried to avoid sleep training, but once we did everything changed for the better.

So glad I watched this! Completely validated my own experience! Never watched a video like this. So honest! You are brilliant!

I love all your videos. I am 66, I do intensive foster care. I was raised with strict ideas for raising children. Well guess what, they don't work. You are so understanding with different needs for children. I heard of the cry it out it did not work with my little guy. If I tried it, he got worse. If I comfort him, it's a 10 min ordeal and he's done. I just found out today from a ped develop center that cry it out was not recommended any more. I find something I can use in all your videos and I love the new ideas I am learning. I do use consistent nap and bed times, that is a good habit to begin.

Loved this! Thank you 😊 I so agree that you need different approaches for different children. I’ve just had my third and last baby and each time my approach has needed to be different because they are different! But also because having 1 or 2 other children to think about too is very important! Love your content x

Love this Ashley! Thank you for being so honest! I get scared talking to anyone about this stuff, let alone the internet. You are so thoughtful about your children ❤️

I just want to say... your content is so refreshing. I wish ALL moms felt they could be open...follow your baby and trust that YOU know what's best. We have our own paths … Thanks so much for sharing!

Real talk: breastfeeding. How it's not always beautiful and easy. It caused me insane anxiety. I've found that it can be as controversial as sleep training. My son was diagnosed with a milk protein allergy at 10 months and killed my supply over a weekend in the hospital. He started doing SO much better immediately on soy formula that to me, it was a no brainer to use this catalyst to wean. But oh my god, I received so much judgement because I didn't persevere, because I didn't remove dairy from my diet, because I didn't pump, blah blah. That no baby weans willingly before a year. After the whole journey, I realized that my mental health had taken a back seat for 10 months because everyone said "breastfeeding or you're a bad mother". If I'm blessed with another, my perspective will be different and I'm going to try so hard not to put myself through that again

I really appreciate hearing your experience. I’m a first time stay at home mom with a 4 month old baby who has nursed every half hour to two hours during the day since day one. I’ve been feeling anxious that he hasn’t been sleeping “through the night” like every book or blog says is “normal” even though he can fall asleep on his own. I feel like if I just change my mindset to expect waking during the night all will be happier. And hearing you were able to do so until one years old is encouraging.

Thanks so much for this- FTM of an almost 9mth old and trying to figure it out. This was such a well rounded, supportive, relatable video and I appreciate you putting it out there!

Ashley, thank you so much for such an honest video! After watching all these perfect night routines on utube, I was really stressed out I'm doing everything wrong, since Im a first time mom. Hearing about your actual experience, struggles and wins, is very refreshing, specifically about sleep,eat,play sequence. Please bring more Real talk videos! best wishes to your family🤗

This!!! I've binge watched so many of your videos (starting with your Montessori series) and this was definitely one of my favorites. Looking forward to more "Real Talks" as I feel like I almost cried half a dozen times thinking "yes yes yes" I know exactly what you're talking about! I see you. I feel you. You are NOT ALONE. We went through the same "cries and won't sleep while being held" issue with our son at about 7 weeks, and finally decided to let him cry and hopefully fall asleep on his own in his bassinet. He still cried pretty hard for 12 min but I literally couldn't hold him anymore (between my back seizing up and my nerves it just wasn't safe). Then at 17 min he fell asleep and it was like the angels started singing. It was heart wrenching at the time, but looking back the silver lining was that he learned to sleep on his own really early within just a couple days (still with some ups and downs). I hope to remember this when we have a second child but who knows, he/she may be completely different. You just have to figure out what works for you and your baby and your situation. Thank you so much for being open and honest and vulnerable. Definitely need more of this!

Thank you for being so honest about being a mom, it makes me feel a lot less isolated

I know this video is old but I just found it and it speaks to my soul. I have a 4yo who goes to bed independently and a 4 month old who falls asleep nursing. It’s so difficult juggling two kids and the bedtime routine. My husband and I both work night shift and I’m starting back at work soon. I worry my in-laws, who are a great help to us, are going to “undue” any sleep training that I do. Wish me luck!

So glad I found this! Girl! We are 14 weeks into the one to two kid transition and our toddler still wants us to fall asleep with him. Sometimes we can but mommy and daddy need mommy and daddy time and we are too exhausted because we get so tired laying with our toddler. Sometimes we take turns but sometimes he wants both of us. While it’s so sweet and we LOVE it we are also super lacking getting any time to ourselves to get things done or time together. Thank you for sharing!

Doing our third attempt at sleep training because we drop the ball when my baby goes through those "sleep regressions" which sadly resets him. This is exactly how I feel and I'm so glad you spoke frankly about sleep training. I know the method works for us because like you said, when we had him trained, crying was the exception not the norm.

Ashley you saved my life!! I’m in the exact same situation you were: made all the mistakes with my first, made all the promises when pregnant with my second; then broke them all. Baby is now 4 months old and I was lost until this. You got it, this trick is magic: put them down when they’re really tired, really ready for it, and they’ll very quickly learn to fall asleep on their own. A thousand thanks!!!

I was so worried about my daughter being somehow traumatized by me letting her cry that I was driving myself absolutely insane. Now before anyone freaks out when I say cry I mean she is whining not crying crying or she just wants to be laid down and left alone for a second because babies get overstimulated too! Last night I chose to stop swaddling cold turkey as she decided she wanted to start barrel rolling and she slept through the night! She was in a good mood this morning and somehow I doubt I scarred her psychologically but letting her roll around and fuss for a few minutes before putting herself to sleep. I think you’re doing a FANTASTIC job and it’s such a breath of fresh air to see some mama real talk!

For me it was hard when I started working full time again, when he was 7 months old. He was used to be breastfed at demand, and he couldn’t eat when he wanted, they were a schedule to follow and he missed me. So when I went to get him, around 6 all he wanted was to be with me. At night he would want to breastfeed at every hour, and I just couldn’t sleep. The only way I had was to breastfed him in bed, “sleeping” on one side, so he wound breastfed when he needing, and know that I was there (and I think that was the most important to him). So I barely sleep and then went to work all day, and had to find a way to try to concentrate, be productive, and pump during the day (so he could have something to eat at day care, he almost never ate food). When I think of it now, I really don’t know how I survived. Sending love to all self-deprived of sleep mamas out there!

Love this video! A mother's (or father/parent/guardian) health is so, so important. Sleep is so important to our physical, emotional and mental health. My first baby didn't sleep on her own until 1.5 yo so with my 2nd baby, I decided to " sleep train" at an early age and it was the best decision ever! He's 5 months now and sleeps on his own and through the night for the most part. We, as parents, need to stop being judgemental and be more supportive.

I loved this "real talk" every thing you said and everyone's comments. It really help me push though my First Time Mom Guilt, and I finally got my 9month old baby girl to sleep in her own bed. She took to the method in 3 nights and now I feel slightly human again because of the rest Ive gotten over the last week Thank You Thank You 🙏

Thanks so much for your videos! They finally give me confidence to start sleep training on my 10month old baby. I love how raw your talks are and that no bullshit is involved. Parenting is so hard. There's no easy way. Only through your videos did I actually realize that I'm not alone. I was so confused until now to choose one out of so many sleep training methods. I went through many videos and read a lot of books but none of them worked. I'm going to try again but this time with confidence. Thanks to you for being so open and I love your clarity. Please keep uploading more such videos. More Power to you!! ❤️

The best sleep training video i’ve seen ever. That you were honest about what you intended on doing, what you actually did and what worked and what didn’t - this is content that’s hard to find on RU-vid but is what’s most useful! Thank you! xx

This is SO helpful to me. I would give five thumbs up if I could. Thank you for your honesty and the sensitive way you communicate (Mum of a 3 month old in New Zealand)

Hey Ashley, dont internalize the negative comments or ever feel the need to justify to anyone. I'm a first time mom to a 5month old and your channel has been such a resource.

I already loved your videos, but after watching this I appreciate you even more!! Thanks so much for sharing and being so honest ;) we definitely need more of that on RU-vid.

I felt like talking to you several while I was watching this video, it’s just perfect, real and 100% honest on this topic. Like you, I have 2 kids, and they’re completely different sleepers. My first one gave me the hardest time falling asleep, he’s the one that got me searching for sleep training. Now I feel much more relaxed and prepared with my 7 month-old baby, but still I need to find a plan for having both my kids sleeping in the same room without them waking each other up. I live abroad and far away from any relatives, so I find myself constantly counting on the internet and other peoples’ experiences to help me. Thank you so much for sharing this, really appreciate it! 🙏😘

Gawd. I love how passionate and honest you are. Thanks for sharing how real motherhood is!

Thank you so very much for this video! It is so incredibly helpful, it sounds so close to our experience and it is really realistic, and not all this "i am a supermom and my baby sleeps through the night from 6 months" or "my baby is never crying or fussing when going to sleep at all" as though as babies never teeth or get sick, or simply don't want to go to sleep, cause they want to discover and play. Again, you are awesome! Thank you!

As a mum who chose NOT to sleep train, I absolutely do not judge those who do. My daughter is 2 1/2 and has only just started sleeping better (they do get there eventually!). I'm content with the choice I made to respond to my daughter but there have been many times when I've questioned if I'm doing it all wrong and have been super envious of other people's babies who can put themselves to sleep and sleep all night long. I was lucky enough to be able to stay home with my daughter and catch up on sleep at other times, I'm sure if I was going to work 5 days a week I wouldn't have coped. Mums are expected to do everything these days with little support and sometimes you've just got to do whatever works.

I truly needed to hear this. Knowing that an 8 month old is not sleeping through the night and its okay, thank you so much

I have a houseful of sweethearts, so I have found those nighttime nursings so precious as it allows us a few quiet moments. I truly understand the truth that every baby, season of parenting is different for each family. Some children sleep better by sleeping near the parents and some of my children wanted to be alone for the freedom. Thank you for the encouragement. I also believe the negativity in regards to safe cosleeping only puts babies in danger as mothers become afraid to ask and learn how to do so safely. Cosleeping families should have firm mattresses, remove blankets at night, and have the baby lay perpendicular to the parent with legs over the abdomen of the parent...but parents dont learn this so when their baby refuses to sleep away from them they are told only their own bed...it really comes down to the same standards you put in a crib for safe sleep needs to be applied to the bed the baby is going to be in. You are doing awesome mama! Thank you for these great videos. I have seven children, but have learned so much from you already! I feel I am a better parent with my children as you show patience and looking at situations from the childs perspective as well. Also, learning to sleep alone is a life skill....very Montessori.

What you did with ur second child I call "fussing it out" and have found it helps. Thank for saying all kids are a little bit different.

Thank you thank you thank you. Thank you for your honest testimony. Six month old here, and my struggle with sleeping is constantly feeling like a failure and questioning what I'm doing. It's so much better hearing your loving advice than the many sleep tutorials. Thank you again. I feel less alone tonight than I have in along time. It's kind of funny, because we've of course never met, but I do feel like you are part of my "village". Thank you again.

I broke the nurse to sleep habit at 2 years and I got shit from everyone. People telling me it was too soon and I let her cry, and people telling me it should have been sooner. It stopped working for me, and it didnt make me happy anymore. She now falls alseep alone, it was a drama for three days and she got it. I didnt sleep train because we coslept but I totally get people who do. I have my mom living next door and montessori style day care for her. Keep it up Ashley!!!

Parents are the ones that need the sleep training in our society - we need to learn to adjust to the natural rhythm and flow of our growing and developing babies instead of looking at it as some inconvenience. We all know having kids changes EVERYTHING why are we so resistant to this very natural and essential part of the mama/baby relationship? If you’re willing to do what your baby is actually needing and you want to have an easier nights sleep then safely cosleep. We mamas have done it since the beginning of time and most of the world still does it.

I've watched your videos for a while now, and I think your the best mom who is just sharing her learning experiences trying to aid other's. My own mom wasn't the best, I was the one the break the cycle of addiction in my family. But seeing how much you love your kids, makes me hope I can be a mom similar to you one day. People like to make mountains into mole hills, from what I've seen you have your kid's full love and trust and always will. Personally my mother made me so anxious from leaving me in the night to go on a bender, I developed stys on my eyes as a child. Letting a baby fuss doesn't seem similar to this, but the way people pass judgment they make it sound like it's the same kind of situation or 'evil'. The judgement you receive is definitely misplaced. No one likes to be told how to raise their child because as a parent your trying your very best in every way you can to give them the best care. People like to act different and judgemental on the internet, when they most definitely would not welcome the same attitude they give you. Dont pay mind to them 😁💕 I love your channel and your babies are so cutee!

I definitely think this is a very sensitive topic but I'm happy you were honest and open about how hard it is to be a mom of two! My youngest is also called Mia and she is 10 months old at the moment and as you mentioned, from birth I never let her sleep on me, never nursed her to sleep and always put her in her bed when she was sleepy but awake. I think that is the only reason she is such a better sleeper compared to my eldest Sophie who woke up to nurse at least 3 times per night until she was 2 :( Mia now wakes to nurse twice per night but we are getting much more sleep then we ever did with Sophie :D I hope to wean her at 1 instead of nursing her until 2 like I did with her sister! Anyways, I love your videos and can't wait to see the next one!

I loved hearing about your perspective and experience. I've been putting off sleep training my little boy since a previous failed attempt. I'm now determined to try again! Thanks. 😊

As a first time mom I did the same thing as you did with Kylie! Crying it out was a last resort and it hasn’t worked for us. I’m so glad to hear your honest experiences/problems and how you solved them. RU-vid needs more mums like you ❤️

Love this video! This is exactly how my 7 month old daughter sleeps. Short naps, sleeps on me, wakes up 2-3 times a night. She screams when I put her down awake, but sleepy, and the screaming is ear-piercing. Almost all of my mommy friends say their babies are sleeping through the night. It’s reassuring to hear other stories and know that I’ll get a full night’s rest one of these days.

Thank you for such an open, honest and down to earth account of your experience. It’s so hard for new mums to navigate through the depth and breadth of different information and often very judgemental opinions. It’s also very hard to apply fancy theories to “real life” parenting situations but your videos make it much more approachable.

This is so refreshing! I have been obsessed with trying to get my baby to sleep through the night for her whole 10 months. She has always been a catnapper, I also thought I was always doing something wrong. I googled it constantly and bought two different books to try gentle sleep training, following schedules consistently. It took months to get her to fall asleep independently, then she got a bad cold for a month and everything went out the window. Now we hold hands until she sleeps and I have to replug her paci 3-5 times a night, and she wakes for a period of 1-2 hours at 4.30am about 5 times a week but I'll take it because I have learned that things can be worse! Im choosing to trust that she will get there! Im so glad that you have shared how tough it is, it is really tough sometimes!

It's so nice to hear another mom talk about their baby not sleeping through the night. Our pediatrician told me I could stop night nursing my daughter and I honestly laughed in disbelief. Like....how?!?!? My daughter is 16 months old now and she still nurses at least once a night. Also I just wanted to say I'm such a big fan of you and your channel. You're teaching me so much and giving me some awesome perspective on parenting.

Thank you for sharing your honest experience! Sleep training now. This is so helpful and comforting

I am glad you decided not to worry too much about what others are gonna say.

I just wanted to say that this video has helped me so much! My three month old has been going through sleep regression. He used to sleep 2-3 hours at a time, but that turned into 30 minutes if I was lucky! I watched your video and thought trying your way for naps might work. And it did!!! He didn't cry or scream, just chatted and "shouted" (he's learned to use a loud voice recently) at the monitor camera for 10 minutes then sighed and went to sleep! We've been practicing for two days and it works! I've never been able to get "drowsy but awake" to work for him, but he wasn't in crisis/hard crying and he was able to settle quickly! Thank you for your video and encouragement! You are such a blessing to our family! Love from Japan! -Mama and Baby Mituti

Thank you so much for the real talk! I am a mom of an almost 7 month old boy and we had had some really rough periods. Recently we are struggling with sleep, eating and play time all at once and I stumbled upon your channel and I am just like a sponge enjoying all the videos about baby led weaning and Montessori. Thank you! On the topic of sleep, our family was floundering the first few months and let me tell you, I found out just how BAD my husband needs his sleep! 🤣 I was on my own at night the first few months. Then I stumbled upon the Babywise method and this whole concept of dreamfeeding. If any moms out there are struggling with having their baby waking up in the middle of the night like Ashley, I recommend trying dreamfeeding and slowly increasing their milk intake up in small increments over a few weeks to try and feed them the 24-32oz a day during the actual sunlight hours each day. This worked MAGICALLY for us. I would put him down at night around 8pm, do my stuff around the house, go in around midnight and tickle him gently to wake him up and feed him, burp, put him down totally sleepy, and he would stay asleep till the early morning. Every few nights I made it 15 mins earlier. Eventually, the dreamfeed was around 10pm and then we just stopped all together and he slept through the night around 3 months. He still sleeps through the night till this day. Now that's only one thing that went oh so well out of so many, but in the words of Ashley, this is just my experience and tips from one busy parent to another. Hope it helps someone!!

You’re doing great. Babies are so unpredictable. We would have it down for like 2 weeks and then our baby would totally flip it on us and suddenly what was working was no longer working. Like you, once we started following her sleepy cues, everything started to change. Great video. Thank you!

You’re absolutely right about the wake times - they are KEY to successfully helping baby sleep independently. I used to go by a chart similar to the one you flashed on screen but with my second kid (currently 3mo), I discovered a baby sleep app called Huckleberry which predicts the optimal nap time for baby based on their age. And let me tell you, it is so bloody accurate. Life saver. One less thing I have to think about during the day. I think every single parent needs this app, haha. Love your channel, keep it up! Btw, your children are hypnotic, honestly, I’m amazed by them. Testament to your outstanding parenting, well done x

My oldest is just like Kylee! I spent so much time just trying to get him to sleep, and then when he did or didn't last long and he'd be awake again. Read a lot of books and tried so many methods!

You did it perfectly! Your mindset and learning process is exactly what happened to me! I now have. 9 month old that doesn't need any rocking, lullaby it is amazing

Thank you so much for sharing. As a mother of a single baby I have to admit that it is easy to think that you will never let your baby to cry it out. I have a 16 months old and we have recently gentle sleep train him. Since he is older now he picked it up really fast and now he's almost sleeping through the night. It makes me think that since he was older maybe that helped him to understand better that it is his responsibility to decide to fall asleep, but then again I only have one baby😂. This video really opened my eyes to reality and that we all do what we think it's best for our babies. Like you said, no good mother would plan to hurt the baby or enjoy it. Thanks for opening up with us and I'm looking forward to the rest of the videos.

My name is Rachel and I wanted to thank you for all your good advice I have a 3 year old who has a hard time getting to sleep and your videos have given me some good ideas thank you!

Thank you for this! This truly is 'real talk' and I truly appreciate it. Every mom I know is just doing their best. For some that means they needed a full nights sleep and did some sort of sleep training, for others they're okay with sleep deprivation for now. For some that meant bottle feeding because breast feeding was too painful, or just not feasible because they had twins or just didn't produce enough. Every mom knows how hard being a new mom is (and presumably a 2nd time, 3rd time etc but I'm not there yet) so we should all be giving each other as much support as possible. My friends don't need to raise their babies the way I raise mine, they just need to know that we see how much love and energy and life isn't going into it. My baby is a screamer, he quickly goes from just whine crying to screaming like he's in serious pain. I know he's probably fine but I feel in my mama heart that he truly needs me if he's screaming. I thought I was so lucky because at 2 months he was napping well and started sleeping through the night...then 4 months came around he now cat naps and wakes up every 2.5 hours at night. Like you say "I'm okay with that". Some nights he'll sleep for 5 hrs straight, so I know he can sleep long stretches, which just reinforces to me that if he wakes up it's because he needs me.

First off I LOVE your channel. We implemented the floor bed a week ago with our second daughter who’s 5 months old. She was a great sleeper in the crib but after finding your channel a few weeks ago we decided to take the leap. Boy has her sleeping been totally different from our older daughter who’s 6 years old. We had to rock our first to sleep every night and nap. With baby #2 I give her a bottle and lay her down. She’s slept through the night since she was 3 months old too. I don’t know how we got so lucky but man each child sure is different. Appreciate all the videos you put out as I take great inspiration from them. Thank you!

Ashley, you have changed my whole outlook on parenting. I started following you while I was pregnant and my daughter is 14 months now. I made the object permanence box, wooden teething ring with ribbon, etc and really began putting away toys that lit up and made noises and music with every button push and began focusing on learning activities. I’ve sat on my hands and allowed her to play while I observe and offer assistance when actually needed. Sleep training is my toothache right now. I’m worried I’ve set up a routine that will now confuse her. Several weeks ago I tried what you did with Kylee (sp?) where you slowly back away and I was all in. Sometimes it took 45-1hr but after she couldn’t see me it turned into the CIO method bc she didnt settle. I can’t do the CIO. I want her to know I’m there and I’ll come if she is so upset that it’s no longer fussy but an all out meltdown so I’m not really interested in CIO but no judgment to mommas that use CIO bc that’s what worked for your family. She is our only child and if necessary I’m fine with how we are doing it. She is a fighter with sleep. She usually wakes a few hours after falling asleep but goes right back as soon as she sees me and I put her pappy back in. Then she may wake 1-3 more times and usually goes down fairly easy with a little pat and seeing I’m there. Do you have any suggestions that would fit our family? My husband stays at home with her and I’m a speech therapist so I do have knowledge in child development but I work late often and the bedtime routine is occasionally changed because I do that so I can spend extra time with her. I’m open to hear other mommas suggestions too but im not interested in judgement. I do me you do you and we are all trying to raise happy, healthy, and independent children/adults otherwise we wouldn’t be subscribed to Ashley’s channel :)

Thanks for sharing your experience. Currently sleep training twins and had some similar experiences. After 3 months of rocking them to sleep - which we swore we'd never do, it stopped working. They would just wake up as soon as we got them in the crib. So we tried the slow retreat to get them to go to sleep in their crib. Then we went through 2 months where one of them was always sick and we through all our rules out the window and a baby would always end up sleeping with us. Two weeks ago we started the cry it out method - letting them cry for 3-5 minutes at a time, then going in to pat and console them until they calm down. The first night it took 1 and half hours to get them to sleep. By day 4 it took 15 minutes. Now we're getting them to sleep in 5 minutes and mostly sleeping through the night. The first 3 days were rough, but totally worth it. It may not be for everyone but it worked for us and I will take all the judgement in exchange for the sleep.

Thank you for being so honest about it, helps to know I'm not doing anything wrong and other sleep deprived parents feel the struggle too. Our baby is also 8 months old so this is very relevant right now. I love your videos.

Ashley, I appreciate you so much! Every video is so helpful, you are so considerate & thorough. 💗 I wish I was warned about breastfeeding sleep association! There is so much superficial "baby essentials" advice out there but this is the important stuff mums should share with mums-to-be. I'm struggling now with gentle sleep training to break this association,,, it takes so much persistence! First at the 4month sleep regression I felt like my baby wasn't ready, then she was sick, then teething, then learned to roll onto tummy & got stuck, then was stuck sitting, then i moved her to her room, & now she's standing up the very instant she wakes up & almost as if she's also stuck standing, crazy! Shes 8 months. Wakes at midnight, 3am & 5am. Has 1 or 2 30mins naps, often protests them. I've just resumed my sleep training mission now. What I'm doing is not letting her fall asleep on breast, let her cry in crib a bit then I pick her up & hold to settle, repeat, until she stays down & quiet, to exhausted to protest further. Its so emotionally & physically draining but its a necessary life skill that we teach them (falling sleep independently). Everyone will be healthier & happier when they sleep! To give my 2 cents: best advice I read & applied is to start sleep training only at bedtime initially bc the baby's urge to sleep is greatest. Then worse on night waking, then naps. Wish me luck 😅

I. Love. That. Video. I feel like, oh wow, you've really been there too! Thank you. Thank you! I've just had my second baby girl and I feel I can relate to you completely. I love your approach and mindset. If anyone needs advice, I'll recommend this video above others. Take care 💕💕💕

I needed this video so bad! I searched the whole internet to know if there was any montessori guidelines for sleeping, but as you said there isn’t any. I got myself thinking about what Maria Montessori would do and I couldn’t answer that myself as leaving a child to cry doesn’t seem to be right but at the same time she was all about independence. It is good for the child to learn how to sleep and self soothe, its good fot their development, for their growth. My little one is 7 and a half months and I started to sleep train him with 6 and a half months, just like you I was nursing him to sleep up to that point (and algo co-sleeping). It was a big change and he is much better now, he never cries for naps, but bedtime is still a bit hard. Its so good to hear your experience. It made me feel lighter, I was feeling a horrible mum to allow my child to cry... its good to know I’m not alone in this boat and that I’m not a horrible person.

You are amazing! You are great at explaining and executing what your talking about. Blessed by your genuineness, authenticity, rawness, relates and grace. 💗

No judgement - Amen sister. Every child is different - exactly!

Thank you. Thank you not only for the content but the editorial comments about the haters and shamers. We had to formula feed, and boy did everyone have an opinion. Then our son hated sleep...hated it...so we finally, after meeting with a Children’s Hospital sleep expert did CIO. It worked after a few days. Sure we have our regressions but once he started to sleep, and we started to sleep, life changed for the better. But people were so mean when I would ask for advice and everyone had an opinion, even if they didn’t have a child. I love your videos because they acknowledge the balance of certain ideas. Thank you again for keeping it real. Your daughters are happy and thriving so you are definitely doing it right!!

I sleep trained my older daughter exactly the way you trained Kylie. And my second one is as old as Mia and I'm just tired and I want to sleep train him. And oh god I am exhausted so I am very much on the same page as you

Oh my goodness, thank you so much for your honesty! My baby is 7 months old and your video made my day after a terrible night of sleep.

Love your attitude about this to different approaches suiting different families. We have three kids. My oldest was extremely colicky and I felt like I was hurting if I put her down ever. I would carry her with me to go to the bathroom! We put her down totally asleep until about the time she turned one and was suddenly too aware and would wake up when we tried to move her to her crib. Sleep training her as a toddler was a nightmare. My second didn’t care if we left him awake in the crib. Four weeks old and he put himself to sleep without any effort on our part. With the third, we did an approach much like yours with Mia from very early on. I had a mom of four tell me she lets them cry a minute for each week of age, and I was comfortable with that. Even as a newborn, I didn’t jump at the first sound but gave him a few minutes to settle down first. By about 5 months, he was pretty reliably sleeping through the night. Thanks for your honesty and your great example of accepting other moms who are just trying to do their best for their kids.

Thank you for sharing your experience! I agree with your point on the judgment and people thinking there’s just one way... I am in the “co-sleep” camp and try hard not to judge others as I don’t know their story. I also don’t like hearing that I should teach my kid sleeping on their own cause she should already sleep alone. I found that our arrangement is best for me and my comfort, as in the night I never fully wake up when my baby goes to the breast.

People: "dont be a judgey mom!! Respect peoples parenting, its hard! Do what works for you girl!" The same people when it comes to sleep training: "oh actually ...." *processeds to be judgey about sleep training even though you may not know all the details, the situation, what level of actual cio the parents are doing*

My son is a short napper, he only ever naps for 35 minutes. It’s honestly such a relief to know that other babies are short nappers and it’s not something I’m doing wrong! Thanks for this video!!

Thank you for making this video. This is one of the best videos about baby sleep and I appreciate hearing your perspective. Please keep making them.

Hey Ashley, thank you very much for this video.. it is really heart warming to hear all your words because it is realy hard to be a good parent.. thanks to share your experience, i feel good to hear that kyle slept through the night on her 13 months coz i was wondering why my girl doesnt do that( she is 8mth old now).. i am convinced now that i am not a bad mom and it might take time😊 for her sleep through the night.. looking forward for more videos😊

Hi from France Ashley! I've Just found your Chanel some days ago and already watched many videos. I really liked it because you're really honnest, With no jugments and not showing the perfect image. To me You're Just sharing your parenting pracices and it really helps me with my 23 month daughter. And I'm really glad you're making this vidéo in particular as I actually questionning myself about m'y sleeping "routine". Also thanks to you're vidéo about "à montessori day" that helps me réorganise my own Day with my daughter and accept that taking care of her is an activity in itself. I'd like To share my expérience to add maybe a "little stone" to your community. Sorry for my english in avance to all ! We choosed that I raise our daughter at home and that my husband work outside. But I really didn't expected of how it was a hard job and of how it went, especially With her sleep. Mainly the same as you or so : short naps 30-40 minutes, wake up serveral time during the night, can't sleep without breathfeeding if I was at home or carried by her dad or me... We moved in à new town Just before she came and away from our familly. So we had no help at all. My husband and I were both exhausted and felt as we was only trying to make her sleep all day and night long. Obsessed with her sleep ! Also Thought "we were no't capable" to make her sleep, that it was our fault, our lack of competence. Until we realise that one can't force somebody else to sleep. So we change our point of view and We started with m'y husband to accept her rythm and help her To sleep when she was tired and shows sleep signs. And you're so right when you say : with on baby it's possible ! But we'll manage with baby 2 when he/she Will be there. By this moment, we choosed this approache when she was about 12 month. And she became quite regular in à way : waking up around 9.30 / 10 AM + only one nap of 40 + bed time around 10.30PM + 2 or 3 call at night but we cosleep so It didn't really wok me up and I had better sleep. Of course, this schedule is à mess for à moderne life! To organise acivities is difficulte as for example when breakfast was finished we were cooking for dad or nap was in thé middle of thé afternoon in random time So can't plan lots of things... But it went that way. Now we are used to it. I still help her To sleep breathfeeding or dad carring and it takes 5 to 20 minutes max. She wakes up more around 8.30 AM but sleeps longer for her nap (1h30/2h) and still go To bed around 10PM. She has her 11/12 hours need. But we always Wonder if she doesn't need "more" in fact... So With this approache It was long to accept for example To have no evening with m'y husband alone ; or that I can't go To sleep if I'm tired before her ; or that I have nearly no time for myself or quiet for some hours in thé Day ; or to be sure she has enough sleep at all. Finnaly our days were really like in holidays, nothing really planned and no real routine. I felt like à "Rolling stone". Of course she never "cried out alone in her bed" but this was a really frustrating and harsh choice with low self-estime... althought it's our experience. We might not do thé same for bb2, we'll see how works his/her sleep then. These days we décied to plan baby 2 So I'm motivated to install a better/real routine and maybe help her sleep earlier. So thank you again for you sharing your expérience as I can understand what you're talking about and it's à relief to have People like you Who, by this sharing, make People like me Less isolated in their parenting. Keep doing what you're doing ! And à Big thank u !!

Mom of almost 4 month twins. I had all these plans about not letting them cry and keeping them in my room and that all went out the window. You have to let them cry to be able to care of the other kiddo! Also one of mine fights sleep and she actually cries less if I let her be than if I’m trying to comfort her. As for the milk, my therapist reminded me that is biologically normal to get sleepy on a full tummy and that if they fall asleep after a bottle it’s ok. You try to follow all these rules about the right way to be a mom when the truth is you gotta do what works for you! None of the rules and recommendations are backed by much statistical evidence anyway (you can’t experiment on babies you know?). I’m rambling, but yeah we moms gotta be nicer to each other!

Thank you so much for this video! Is lovely to hear positive real-life experiences of parents trying different things and seeing what works for them. I have moved from the cio to the more co-sleep approach and am now of the philosophy that each family and child are different so different approaches work, or not... and that's ok as long as everyone is happy and healthy.

Thank you for honest opinion! Yes, there are sooo many videos saying how great everything is within their family. But reality is different. I had a chance to be a stay at home mom for 6 months, but now I'm back to work, and I have to change my strategy.

Ashley, thank you so much for sharing about your experience. I had my baby in a different country, completely alone, and I had read a lot of books and watched videos but honesty nothing has helped me so much to find the direction I would like to go as a mom as your videos. My boy is two months younger than Mia so by the time he is starting a new stage I have already some basis as to what could be happening with him next. Thank you once again and don't worry about negative comments, you're great and your kids are also. Hugs and kisses.

Me too!!! I've been sleep deprived for 16months now. This is my first baby planning for the second near in the future but we're still sleeping in the same room (different bed), because that's what we can do for now (our own house is not finished built yet). Hopefully I can follow your way later when everything is more possible. Big hug from Indonesia! 🇲🇨

We tried so hard with our first to not try CIO. It was awful. But then we let her cry it after explaining it to her around 10 months. She cried for 1 hour, then she slept through the night ever since 🙌 I felt so lucky!! We are all so much better off now that we have been getting better sleep. I was a better mom and she was so much happier!

“Babies are weird” INDEED