reality of trauma therapy / acc well sad and embarrisin LOL 

the fact you allowed yourself to grieve your younger self, let her in with open arms and feel that hurt...Is such an incredible step towards healing and knowing that every version of yourself, no matter how painful, is worthy of recognition and love.

This is beyond powerful Marie. It's awful seeing you like that but then seeing you weeks later and being okay despite in that moment thinking you would never be is so powerful and a reminder to all of us getting through even the darkest time is possible. Very proud of you for allowing yourself to feel that pain and hope one day ill get to that point on my own therapy. 💕

I’m hurting because while I am trying to embrace my autism diagnosis, that comes with the heartbreak of will I ever be able to have deep connection to people. Connection through peoples eyes and into the soul. I tell my therapist that’s what hurts about the relationship with her the most - the connection is there but there is SO much more of it that I don’t have the capability to take in and sometimes I don’t know why it breaks me so much but it does

the feeling of being stuck is so so painful, i’m currently doing trauma therapy too and it is bringing up so much hurt while i am trying to do my degree in mental health nursing and it is making it so difficult to complete any of my work which leads to a downwards spiral of feeling like a failure and that i’m never going to make it as my mental state is so paralysing at the moment even though deep down i know i can do it it is entirely possible but it just feels so impossible at the same time

When you look back on your 16 year old self, that’s me. That’s me right now. And that pain, it’s so real to me right now and I hate it. I’m so proud of you for getting through those awful years and I look to you to show myself that maybe I can. Maybe I can live the life I want. It’s just really hard to even think about that right now. But thank you for everything you do for other people

Another thing that always stands out to me is how you say you're not brave, but I can't understand how you could think that when I'm looking at you face recovery head on and hold your wise mind through therapy sessions that you know can be this triggering, and seeing you tell yourself that you know it will get better even though you couldn't imagine believing it at that time. To me you are the definition of brave 🖤

Marie I know sometimes you don’t see it, but you are so so strong. You got yourself through some really tough days and through some awful situations. Sometimes it seems easier to give up but you never have and you kept going… you give me so much hope and inspiration! 💗 You got this girl 👏🏻👏🏻

When you want to hug that 16 year old Marie through the computer screen. Thankyou for sharing, I'm about to start trauma therapy and to see this helps to know that even though it will be hard, I will get through it xxx

For me what’s hurting right now is the fact I feel so numb but at the same time hurting so much.I tried to reach out to a councillor last night but it literally was just an hour of them pushing information onto me without actually listening to what I had to say and that hurt man because i already feel so alone and it just brought back old experiences.also I just want to say thank you Marie for being so open and honest it really does help others and I am proud of you xx

Marie, I'm only three minutes into the video and I just wanted to say that I have no words to describe the amount of respect I have for you for sharing things like these. It must be overwhelmingly scary being so vulnerable and to put yourself out there like this, but it's so inspiring and it helps so many people feel less alone and like there is hope. I've been watching you grow and bloom since I was 16, when I saw no way out, and I know it doesn't mean much from a stranger in a youtube comment but you've really changed my life. I admire and respect you endlessly. Thank you for everything you do, thank you for being the amazing human being you are, the world is a brighter place with your light in it 💕

this video has helped me a lot. i’m 16 currently and having a hard time, so seeing you grow up after everything you’ve went through gives me hope that i too will be able to get through this, thank you marie, you help so many people and i am forever greatful for you x

Hurt right now..because I've done a lot of reflecting these past few days and I realized how much shit I've put myself through and that other people have put me through. It hurts so much looking back at this past year and remembering all the traumatic shit. It's exhausting and hard but I know I've grown from these times and you have too and that's what matters because now we are beginning the healing process and that's so incredible. ❤

Coming out of therapy feeling good is ok, coming out off therapy feeling like this is ok aswel, you opened up about something and then you can accept it and grow further, at moments like this you learn faster, it feels like falling down a ladder but it is progress, i know somebody who does not want too open up and her growth is a bloody lot slower, so you are doing it very well Marie.

I just leave this quote here: "sometimes the biggest breakthroughs can look an awful lot like a breakdown" 💙 Finally allowing yourself to feel the pain, to let it out in a controlled and safe way and to let it go/distance yourself from it is incredible! It feels overwhelming because it is but it is also freeing! All the best for your journey ✨

I'm trying to think of how to articulate my thoughts right now but all I can think to say is how much I love and appreciate you Marie ❤️

girl it's refreshing to see how much you have grown and gotten so much better! its lovely

Im hurting. I have lost my past self. I grieve for that little girl as well. She was much more outgoing, curious and excited for life. Now I am always tired, suicidal and bored. I know who I was will never truly return. And I guess it is what it is. Edit: I got on the right medicine glory be to God and I feel good. No depressive episode since December. I am so grateful!

Firstly, thank you so much for sharing this. It’s not easy and I appreciate how honest you are. I started crying with you while watching this which is what I needed. I’ve been wanting to cry the past few days but I was too numb. I hate admitting when I’m hurting because I feel like I shouldn’t hurt and people have it worse. But I’m really hurting. When I was 16 I met this boy and I genuinely loved him. But with time things got worse and worse. I know I wasn’t perfect and I definitely did and said some horrible things. But he just wouldn’t stop hurting me. Looking back at it now he was manipulating me, lying, belittling me, controlling me and then he’d hurt me in other ways. And I didn’t see it. I became so isolated and dependent on him. I’m 19 now and he still tries to come back. He’s not playing an active role in my life anymore but even when he’s blocked he’ll still make fake accounts or hide his number and he’d always come back and tell me he’s sorry and he cares and loves me. I’m hurting because I know that’s not love but it’s like I can’t emotionally let go of him and I forget how abnormal that relationship was. He hurt me so much and he doesn’t care. He’s living his life and I’m in pieces. Not everyday but I have moments where I remember and he just doesn’t care. That hurts. But I know I’ll be okay. I’m gonna love me first and I deserve better and hopefully one day I won’t hurt this much. Thank you.

Although this is painful to process, what is so healing about it is that you realise we judge and hate our past selves but we forget just how badlyyyyy they were hurting. How lost, alone and confused they were. When we are no longer feeling that intensity of pain, we pass judgement on ourselves for not coping better but our past self was just doing the best it could to survive through pain we had never learnt to cope with before. Yes, we made mistakes in the process but that is all part of learning and growing and becoming a better human being. This is such an important step in empathising with your past self and forgiving them - they were young and trying to survive through pain when they had no idea how. Thanks for sharing your therapy experiences, it's truly valuable to watch!

Only just started watching but what stands out most already is the difference between you now, and you a couple of years ago who would post these sort of “vulnerable/rough” videos. I hate that you’re in pain in this, but there’s an amazing vibe from you now Marie that you can deal with it all in a healthy recovery way, and you can rationalise it and just take it as part of the trauma/healing process 💗 did that make sense?? Lol probs not but yeah baso, as sad as this video is - I’m so so proud of where you are

I’m hurting because I’m remembering my childhood trauma and it hurts. It’s hard to think about myself as a child, and who I could have become if i didn’t experience all the trauma

The most hurting thing rn is traumatic flashbacks from last year, it feels so subconsciously paintful, i might not even be thinkin bout it but its like im experiencing it all again in my feelings. im so scared of it and thats what makes me so in pain like iam right now, or just feel lost bcuz of smth that im not experiencing even the same anymore. im with u Marie even if im not in ur shoes. ur heard by me and i hope yk that ur loved and that i would give u a hug if ive ever seen u

One of the things that is really hurting me right now is the fact the I am being made by my course lead to take a break in my studies and seeing all of my friends going onto placement and continuing without me again, this has just made me feel so alone as I can’t talk to family about it as they don’t understand my mental health as it’s gotten really bad the only thing that helps is talking to my boyfriend and sh. I feel less alone watching your videos so thank u so much for sharing your experience

Thank you for being so vulnerable with us in that video. I think it really helps show me and other people struggle that this will pass, the next day is a new day and was so nice seeing you being your bubbly self at the end of the video after such a vulnerable clip right before it. STORMS DON’T LAST FOREVER ❤️

I started crying when you said "if you're going through this I'm so sorry." not because I'm currently going through it, but because i feel like that's what my younger self needed to hear, through this video and from me. looking back, I feel so sorry for that young girl who had to go through so many things she shouldn't have had to, and especially because I'm a few years into recovery now and can see things a bit more "from the outside", I can see how much pain I was actually in. when you're always hurting it becomes the baseline, and looking back now that I'm so happy, I cannot even imagine how I survived those years--like me making it through is truly a miracle. in this I feel like I can really have empathy for my younger self, and I think that's what you are starting to get too Marie

The most painful thing I’m going through atm is the fact that nobody cares what I’m going through even when I am basically screaming for help. I’ve told my school and my parents but nobody cares and it’s so heartbreaking. It’s physically painful too. I know it doesn’t sound bad but believe me in always in physical and emotional pain

Thank you for your raw honesty Marie. It really helps those of us who can somewhat relate to the things you’ve experienced, I know I can and I appreciate the space you provide for us here to feel safe.

im hurting whilst trying to "accept' the years of abuse i went through at the hands of my mum, and how much this has now impacted on my mental state. im left in this horrendous place, she is unscathed, yet im dealing with the aftermath of 1. having to accept she did it to me and 2. this was done by someone who was meant to love and protect me and 3. grieving about the fact i'll never have that close mother-daughter relationship

if “you grow through what you go through,” was a video this would be it.

I`m re-watching all your old videos. Love all your videos

I love you queen and I love that you talk about every part of recovery and therapy like when shit storms like this come up. I also love that you mention the physicality of the emotional pain. I've been having the BPD massive dips where it feels like my chest is imploding and exploding at the same time. And as someone with chronic pain and sensory issues that's the part that makes me wanna d!e a lil. not a lot just a lil because ow make it stop anyway what's hurtin me most is actually just my chronic pain and how any job I find interesting will only make my pain worse so idk how to get an income and NOT cry in pain all day it's fun but hey it's almost christmas so let's be holly jolly love you Marie

All the memories and torment of traumatic things coming back especially from my past abusive relationship, and that element of me looking back at "the old me/younger in pain me" is what's hurting the most right now. It's weird how stuff can hurt just as much when you relive them, but our heads were in survival mode and because we're healing our heads are like "now is the time she can handle this", still sucks though 😄 Thank you for sharing this, the first time I've gone "god damn I'm not alone feeling this". Also, side note, I also spent all of my college days in the same bathroom stall everyday? Was that just the thing to do? Must be 😄

I am so sorry you are in pain. I too have been there. When it comes back you really have forgotten how bad it hurts. I think therapy is what you need as you said but it will bring out the hurt again and you will get better. You are right that it will go away, it really will.

feeling weighted down from family arguments

Got Covid rn so very much struggling with going from being at work and going out all the time to suddenly being at a complete standstill with my thoughts and life and this was comforting, as horrible as that is, that I’m not the only one who still suffers from the past when it catches up with me

I'm sorry Marie Noone deserves to feel that way . I know you can't help it I can't either. Know your not alone and loved ❤♥💕

i’m hurting right now because i had a relapse the other night with my alcoholism. and i’m so annoyed with myself and embarrassed for getting into such a state in public amongst people i don’t really know. i wish i could go back and change it and not do it but i can’t. i feel like i’m back to square 1 and all the months of progress count for nothing, because of one night.

What’s so horrible about these demons of depersonalisation/ derealisation is that I can’t process emotions.

Thank you for sharing this, because I feel so much less alone now 💞

thank you for sharing this

Oh sweetheart I've been there. What's hurting me right now is that I got a save the date for a wedding, and I know someone that victim blamed me for something that happened is also going to be invited, and I don't want to see her or be reminded of our 8 year friendship ending over her secretly thinking I deserved what I got for all those years! Stay strong in your therapy lovey, I know it's so fucking hard, but you need to remember & grieve. Here's a Bessel Van Der Kolk quote: "as long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself. The critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know. That takes an enormous amount of courage."

Oh Marie I wish I could hug you darling your videos help me so much 💛 think how far you've come xo

Love you Marie thank you so much for this🥺😭💓

What’s hurting is me. I hate the person I am. I hate that I can’t trust anyone. I hate that I can’t open up without feeling this deep rooted embarrassment. I hate that I do not have a normal life and I am not normal. I hate every part of me on the inside and out and I just don’t know how to change that.

This topic of feeling bad for your younger self hits so hard. I'm so guilty and ashamed of my younger self for failing at college twice and then being too scared to fail again so just doing fuck all for years, I'm mad at my younger self for not taking care of her teeth and otherwise harming her body, I'm mad at her for wasting so much precious time and I'm now desperately trying to pick up the pieces. But then I think about the even younger me who was the "mature" kid. Who lost a father too young and felt alienated and an intense longing so often, then lost an aunt suddenly (potentially from suicide, my mum has indicated recently), had to emotionally console her mother who lost two children before me, suffered health issues in her teens and so much more.. And I really really try now to look at past me with some kindness and all the times I just coped the best I could. I may still struggle a lot but I'm in therapy, working part time and trying my best. Covid has made it harder. I feel like I've lost so many friends with age as well and I don't deal with loneliness well. I'm over 7 months self harm free. A friend of mine recently congratulated me about it and wrote a long post about what a kind, smart and charismatic person I am and "that the world can't afford to lose more people like me" and I cried so hard because it's so hard to love myself. Thank you for being so vulnerable, Marie ❤ It means a lot.

ily precious, sorry for your hurt

I had a similar experience at my last therapy session, I was a total mess. You are so brave!

“Physical weight of pain” - yes, that!!!!

Hurt right now - eating disorder at Christmas 😍🤣

I don’t have any sh experiences myself but my best friend does when he was 12 he cut his arm to ribbons he told no one so no one knew until his mom walked in on him doing sh and I only know because I was looking at a picture on his phone and he accidentally swiped and it was a picture of his arm he is 13 now and he is doing better but still struggling ❤

I’m hurting because I’m causing my partner pain because he hates seeing me struggling so much. I keep pushing him away even though I don’t want to, and I don’t know why I do, but I can’t seem to stop myself either. My moods change so quickly, for no reason at all and It’s hard to pull myself out of the dark places.

I know im feeling something and its really strong but i dont know what it is.

I love u so much💙

I’m hurting from having to leave my workplace because of abuse and bullying that made me have a breakdown, I’m not sure what to do next and the meds make me so tired, also losing my dad and being scared everyone else will die 🥺 sending you so much love Marie you help so many people massive hugs 🤗💗 xx

Its hard especially with bpd one sec i feel good then i bottle up feelings due to my job at a Foster home and i like it but then something triggers my mood and bad thoughts sometimes i tell them to crush just for attention from him

I once stabbed myself with a knife. It didn't even hurt anymore. I was just getting thirsty because of blood loss. And (luckily) I called an ambulance when breathing became difficult. That night back then was soo psycho. It was very disturbing and life threatening. I'm really glad I survived... I don't like to think about how close I was to death right there.

I'm hurting because I haven't spoken to my partner in 3 months as trivial as it sounds

Hope it goes OK I'm due to start therapy after Christmas xx

ur kickass

im doing DBT and honet dont like it hard, it dont work for all i guess

Be careful with trauma therapy. Some people have taken their lives after trauma therapy. I personally do not like trauma therapy at all. Thinking about how you would derive meaning in this world is so much more effective

Started medication for my depression yesterday and i don't even know how i got this low and im embarrassed to be taking meds for it.

thank you for sharing - giving you a virtual hug 🫂 (if you feel like it)