Definitely no contact walk away these people want your mind they will strip you of everything, my brethren listen to this woman she knows what she's talking about you are a blessed soul from God 💕
Im not obsessed with getting back with my ex, im obsessed with getting clear answers on why she left me. I will never get those answers because she has BPD.
@@00st307-mYou think your reasons are clear but unless you’ve been in treatment for years you are literally stuck in an irrational mindset and your reasons are neither clear nor valid.
I chased my high school girlfriend in the 80s. We once ended up in the same camp as counselors by pure chance. Then after breakup #9 she found me at grad school a state away and showed up with flowers and a prescription for prozac. After 7 years we never lasted more than a few months. After the final breakup, it really taught me that obsession is NOT about the other person. It is about yourself. It was like a spell lifted and then I was a much happier guest at The Heartbreak Hotel... 🎵 I get so lonelyyyyy 😂
The hardest part for me is that I have to deal with her every day due to having children together. Its hard to let go when she shows positive emotions towards me.
sounds like she does it to keep you hooked its better to be gentle on yourself and stay true yourself and find available people to meet your needs, we are worth it !
Same situation for me separated about a month ago. We have 1 kid together, and 2 other kids who I am the only father figure they have had. I went back in the relationship two years ago and have almost lost everything in the second round. I thought we could go through couples therapy and get her to do Trauma therapy but it failed. We did the couples therapy for 2 years and it just became her trashing me. She is a shark when it comes to communication, me not so much... The therapist told her after each session to get Trauma therapy or our relationship would never work. He gave her 3 referrals and she never followed through, and instead insisted that I go because I was the one that needed it more. Hope for you and me and everyone going through it, that we can find someone that truly loves us. And can put away the relationship that was never meant to be.
@@pmichaelhayes ya some people ar really toxic for those of us whom are empaths i need healthy boundaries to keep myself safe and connect with safe enough other people and work my own recovery with gentleness humor love and respect you cant pour into an empty vessell , manipulative people just want to take and take and take and keep taking i need gentleness towards myself and healthy boundaries , to keep my inner child safe and keep finding my safe enough other people whom are emotionally avialable and can help me meet my needs, were worth it . Emdr is a good modality, we kep healing by staying gentle and having helathy boundaries and , and finding our safe enough people that can help us meet our needs, with gentleness humor love and respect were worth it . God speed. were worth it .:)
This couldn't have come at a better time for me. Sadly she was a narcissist, highly educated in psychology and she created a trauma bond purposefully.. set up a lot of things to keep me frozen here. I will break it.
The Limerent object is the key to happiness just not in the way people think. If people do the emotional work and work through this they can heal parts of themselves. Spoiler alert, the avoidant person will never be the prize or happiness per se. Happiness is inner work related. It is often a gift if the Limerent object permanently moves on.
I’m dealing with a breakup at this very moment, after patiently waiting on her to work on herself with her bad/toxic attitude which she admits to have. She promised to change, I gave her so many opportunities and well… I got tired of dealing with the bs and decided to finally accept the fact she will not change. Feels clownish and certainly draining to deal with it all. Anyway, thank you so much for shining some light for a lot of us dealing with these types of problems, got my Like! 😎👍
Yes, we feel clownish for holding on, but I can say that I didn't know what else I was supposed to do .. these vids clarify that nobody is changing and best to move on, or at least lowered the expectations massively 👍
Did she ever come back? I'm going the break up and it's like I still have thoughts of her. It was a toxic relationship and she was a narrsitic. I do miss her but at the same time she discarded me.
@@Hamzak786 She tried making the same usual promises for us to get back, but I just had enough of it. It's like a broken record, just keeps repeating over and over. I admit I miss her, but I'm now working on myself and moving on. I wish you the best, and hope you can also find your way through the storm.
I developed limmerence for my borderline ex. She threatened me with a restraining order (after reaching out to me btw), so I gave her no contact. Then about a month after the threat she followed my reddit account on her alternate account filled with posts sounding suicidal, she was self harming, and her dog was dying,. It turned into a thing where I just wanted to know she was alive.and since I was blocked everywhere it drove me rather crazy. I did ask her for clarity as to why she followed me and she never answered, just told me to stop contacting her. I lost about a year of my life to waking up having panic attacks/ a ton of anxiety thinking she'd kill herself so i found maladaptive ways to see if she was active on social media, if she was active it meant she was alive. I think the biggest realization for me was that a healthy person would take accountability of this situation. I mean you don't get to scare someone like that and then not answer "why". It's very much like a drug, I lost myself in the process, i'm still a bit lost, but i'm at the phase of excepting that situation for what it was at least.
@@bigtreecombatacademy2927 Man, I've been worrying that, even though I walked away from her, she had ruined my usually open, trusting, optimistic good nature. However, after seeing your reply, I asked myself, "If I wasn't a good person, why would I worry about being a good person!" Just what I needed to hear! Thank you, Brother!!👍
Recently out of relationship with a BPD woman. It was agonising being with her, agony now without her. 5 years of slowly forgetting myself by the intermittent reinforcement. I'm also looking at the role I played in the relationship. There must have been something that I was getting from it to have stuck around for so long. I'm coming to the realisation that it was just the 1st week of the entire 5 years which was beautiful. Roller-coaster ride since then till now even post break-up. Thank you for this video.
I don't know if she's talking about the narcissist and the borderline relationships, It sounds like both, but yeah, this rings true. I mean, I'm fucking gone man, gone from that whole situation forever. That was all-consuming enmeshment with this person from heaven for 2 weeks, right both of you? lol, yep. Then the induction and ground rules day came, which ultimately led to only 3 months of the roller coaster ride with what I was eventually able to clearly see, was a severely mentally ill person playing with my heart like a 4-year-old playing with a sharp Japanese sushi knife. 🔪 This is why she can't have nice things. (or any actual friends apparently) But yeah, seriously, I'm stuck in the riddle and I'm researching the hell out of WTF is going on with the BPD to try and put a good spin on this all. I'm still spinning from just getting off the roller coaster 3 weeks ago. I'm seeing a clinical psychologist next week, whom I'd reached out to during the ride, as she treats ADHD, (me), and the final frontier of psychology; the borderline. She rang back a while ago and said sternly "No!, don't do this, she is a puzzle that will never be solved. You need to leave now." So, she is happy to take me on now. Whatever she comes up with is definitely better than what I can muster. As much as I need to justify her actions, ultimately, I took away something she can't. I learned that if I want to follow my heart and succeed towards happiness, there is NO MORE looking to other people to help me (distract me) from my own wants and needs. This was the camel that broke the straw's back. lol. my god I chose the most notoriously in secret to those who know, menace of the inner west Sydney music scene. I went big and got out quick. I don't regret it though. I needed a kick up the pants to learn that shit.
@@markeric1337 the first month is hard. Everything that happened to your brain, and having ADHD. It’s tough. Get through it and remain grounded. As much as you can. It will get better. It does get better!
@@ARegmty it was devastating. I've swum back towards terra firma enough to be able to look back at ocean we were drowning in, back onto the sand of the beach from where I first saw her drowning. I feel that's why I; we feel the leaving so traumatically. I feel as though I let a child drown in the ocean and chose to save myself. I think that is something a kin to the shock one feels. I've struggled with this inner demon the most, subconsciously. i feel now that the child was always there, a ghost. Like a spirit of the deep ocean of souls who died many years ago and haunt us as we pass by and our natural caring nature turns into panic trying to save them. They are down in that sea of never ending misery forever. A small child.
@@ARegmty That's true. Thank you for that. I was out at a venue tonight where I was 1 month ago, where I last was around that woman, where she lives near. it triggered a memory for about 10 seconds of how insanely bad I felt back then. I didn't feel it tonight though. It made me realize how much work to pull myself outta that dark place she infects from I put in; how much attention I've been gifting to myself, and how much peace I've achieved. Rarely do I stand back admiring anything I achieve before something is achieved, but the comparison was a huge indicator. This was never about her and ever buying any of it. I see now that it was an opportunity I took to end the people-pleasing, bending over backward for undeserving people, wasting my time on others, and all that stuff I've been trying to shake. Voluntarily entering into the world of a master manipulator, a consummate emotional blackmailer after I'd seen how bad she was, but taking the ride, and shutting the lights down on the whole game. That was a master's degree for me. A huge life-changing event that I'm not gonna squander.
just wanted to thank you and express my gratitude for your videos. I have been watching them nonstop for the last five days, from morning till night, and they have made me so much happier. I was feeling guilty and stuck because of my ex, but your videos helped me feel relieved and free. After three years, I finally feel like myself again, and I don’t have to deal with the pressure of getting married or proving my love. I’m happy, motivated and ready for the next chapter in my life. Thank you again for your informative and useful content. You are amazing!
You're awesome! Thank you! Pain, grief and withdrawal that come at the end of an intense relationship- helpful! Wish I knew this a year ago, before gaslighting and hoovering myself back in for another final toxic cycle...
No contact has been super helpful! The lovebombing and idealization phase blinded me to what was really going on. I’m feeling much better these days and empowered. Thank you Lise for making content to help us overcome the cognitive dissonance that can destroy.
Shout-out to Lise for directly telling the limerent that they are neurotic. That's the kind of honesty that people need if they're going to stop stalking one another on the gram 🥰
Thanks Lise for taking the trouble to share your knowledge. Extremely inciteful and very helpful in all sorts of ways. Your analysis is second to none. I'm very grateful
My recent bpd ex was so avoidant and confusing. She hooked me fast with the best sex I’ve ever had, then the deepest vulnerability, it felt like a connection immediately. A year and a half of roller coaster and intermittent reinforcement. Now I’m discarded for another guy . I’m a shell of who I used to be and I think about her every second of every day.
Sounds familiar, Dan. I had to consciously practice not thinking about her, starting with only 10 seconds, just to create a foundation to build upon even though at the time it seemed utterly pointless. I'd tell myself okay I'm thinking about her again now, but I managed to think of something else for 10 seconds. And then I extended that, little by little, baby steps. About a year on now and even though it was so painful, my emotions regarding her are only a fraction of what they used to be compared to then. Now it's almost the reverse - have to remind myself of the pain she put me through given the different state of being I'm in compared to then. And my sense of self-worth is no longer tied to the opinion of someone I meant nothing to, other than what she needed and was getting from me. I also realized that I'd been left in a position with no strength, and that if I was going to find some, I'd have to dig deeper. And so I did. And it was found. I'm a believer and communicating with God helped with that. That is the silver lining - finding more strength than you knew you had. It's easy to forget things are afoot in this world that are not natural and both women and men are acting in ways that people would not have imagined not so long ago, other than in stories about Sodom etc. God bless.
Thank you, Lise, as always. This is exactly what I needed today, a rational and reasoned reminder, a reality check. It feels particularly pertinent at the moment and I know that's not a healthy place to be. I appreciate your ongoing work to share your knowledge and wisdom with all of us who need it, thank you again.
I have a sort of hyperthymesia that has me replaying past constantly in my head and takes a lot of focus to ;be here now' so limerance is an especially tricky thing
Recently I discovered your videos and I really like them, the content is to the point! It would be helpful for me if the central messages could be added as written sentences. My experience to the topic: The mind knows (for a long time), but the heart has a hard time following. If you finally break free, it's a relief! Greetings from Germany 🤗
Hi Sabina I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
How much does this video resonate with me? 100% I can't stop watching your videos since discovering your amazing RU-vid channel not long ago. Thank You!
Oh Lise, where have you been all my life?! In a few days (of binging your videos) you’ve accurately described the women in my family.😳🤪🥴 I’ve never heard such accurate, illumination descriptions and explanations. Then this pops up today, which speaks directly to me. This is how I experienced every end of every desired dating endeavor, even very short-lived ones, and I knew something was wrong. I had some awareness that it couldn’t really be about the person, yet I had no explanation or process for what I was experiencing. Addiction, obsession and intense craving consumed my mind and body. What’s interesting is that these weren’t my narcissistic and borderline relationships. You mentioned neuroticism, and I relate to much of what I’ve learned about it as a trait. Is that the link to limerence as a pattern response, regardless of the partner?
I'm not into media unless it's worth my time. Don't like Facebook, Snapchat, or other media platforms. This is far as I go beside text. She broke up with me. I'm not obsessed or waste my time following my X. I'm doing well. Becoming better and learning from my experience.
My inner being has been destroyed I hate what she has done to me We have young daughters it's hard to break free My mind Is so fucked up by her I don't know what to do I just want my mind back so I can think straight again
Hi my name is Stephanie I'm listening to you now. And to tell you the truth I really miss him so much but I go back to how he made me feel and I put him out of head thank you so much I couldn't have done this without you guys help
Hi Stephanie I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
Lise your videos are more and more profound and professional! 🤧😣 6 months have passed...since final break up (I wanted this relationship more than anything It was a short but intense 5 months. I quit because of emotional abuse, mixed messageing and violent emotional outbrakes) I'm still on medication. I littereally have to force my self to talk to or visit people... I feel abused and used and pointless and helpless. (thease videos keep me sane kind of ... off course I it is just a quck fix, a band aid... on a bleeding heart) It is getting better but all the little things get her back on my mind. ...There is a special plant she was alergic to and it grows ewerywhere... Her name is not that common... but on my radio station someone reads the news who has the same nam and I hear her name almoust every hour... I got some clothes from her... my favorit ones :( I removed everithing that reminded me... But I can not remove the clouds, the flowers, the see... I'm sick. Healing is painfull. But sometimes I can not function normaly... I must do something to get ower this!
You are AMAZING. You are literally telling me my life, in almost EVERY example of scenario. I just watched about 5 of your videos and found myself saying "Yes!!" , "Wow!!" (From your near exact retelling of what I've been experiencing everyday for the last 4 years :/) and "oh my god!". You have truly been a GODSEND for me with these videos and I will never be able to thank you enough and show you how much you have POSITIVELY affected and CHANGED my life for the better. Seriously Seriously THANK YOU 💜
I'm going through a break up with a toxic ex and it's tough because I am trying to forget them but still get thoughts of them. She broke up me. In hindsight I should have never got back with her, after breaking up with her with multiple times. I had valid reasons, she was rude, disrespectful and never listened to my needs or wants. Life was very difficult with her, places I couldn't go cause of her severe OCD. We couldn't even book a holiday together and took us three weeks to book one. After no contact. I forget these things, I just want her back but unsure of the reason. Sure we were like friends in some way but it hurts alot.
the way I did this was to accept the divine externally and focus on myself internally. I managed to banish the limerence whilst remaining able to think about the person impartially. I did this by replacing any thoughts of romance with the beauty of creation, and when I did think about my partner I always balanced good with bad, and bad with good, remaining neutral. I came up with a set of phrases that I had committed to memory by repetition, and associated with pleasant occurrences. whenever an intrusive thought began I would recall one of these phrases and repeat it until the feeling passed. pretty soon I could instantly disperse the clouds just by thinking of the phrase. then, I realised that this ought to work for my abusive partner, who seemed unable to control her behaviour consciously because of dementia - the shame and anxiety about her own behavior was exacerbating her borderline disorder. But the physiotherapy she had given me had put me on an upward health spiral, physically, and changed my life permanently. So to repay her, and to express my gratitude, I thought up a set of phrases for her, and waited until my strength had returned. when I learned that she was on a low ebb, I broke no-contact and swept her off her feet, not giving her the chance to indulge in toxicity because there was always another surprise lined up. This made sure that she stayed present long enough to subconsciously remember my phrases, which I used to anchor the pleasant experiences. Then, when her disorder started up and she became distant, I would go next to her and simply repeat one of my phrases over and over - and this formed a life-line to keep her awareness from slipping. It wasn't long before she picked up on the technique herself, and in no time, stopped hallucinating and got a handle on her aggression. The clarity this brought caused her to be cognizant of her disorder and returned to CBT therapy of her own account, without telling anyone. This time, the therapy worked spectacularly and her attachment style shifted to secure. That was the happiest day of my life!❤
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love Might as well face it, you're addicted to love Might as well face it, you're addicted to love Might as well face it, you're addicted to love - Robert Palmer 😊
I love your content, the cutaways are jarring and distracting and don’t enhance what you are doing. I think your subject and content stand on their own, you don’t need to follow the RU-vid crowd with the cutaways ☀️
Is there a video online on how to handle a partner with bpd being pregnant? Have been through all the fases of the relationship, already knew she had bpd, but unfortunately never took it serious enough, but it go so bad to the point I just could not stay there anymore. It’s not just the bpd itself but also her life experiences, traumas, addictions. What to do when ur partner is pregnant and maybe even in a stage beyond that, already having a baby or children? Is there a video on this topic? Either way thank you so much for putting this content online
All you people talking about your Limerence object as someone who if awful. The truth is these people are often sexy, smart and perfect, just not into you romantically. They are not always a narcissist or rotten people.
@@kalikodelevere5008 No, many people are saying that their LO is an awful person not just here in this thread, (that they fell in love with Mr. or Miss wrong), but often elsewhere as well. Real truth is universal - unless you are one of those who believe in alternative facts. Why the hell are "you" arguing with me? if you have different experiences then fell free to mention that, but just to say you are wrong, seems immature to me. Run along now!
“The hardest part about a good memory… is when you wake up one morning and realize that memory will always remain a MEMORY “ That said… healing ❤️🩹 is my journey….
