Why It Feels Like The Person YOU CAN’T HAVE Can Make You Happy

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Infatuation with someone you can't have, when it becomes overpowering enough, is called "limerence." It produces a fantasy that helps you escape what is tedious or sad in your life. But the addictive thoughts can only drain your energy and harm your real-life relationships. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has fallen in love with a caregiver who comes to the house to help her ailing husband. Find out what steps I teach to overcome limerence and restore fulfillment and happiness to life.
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4 окт 2024

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Комментарии : 285

@sadiaarman363 Год назад

" For people who were traumatised as kids, real, mutual love can be hard to find, and hard to appreciate when you have it. But the need for joy and love is always there, and this is the little crack in reality where limerence gets in. Limerence is addiction or infatuation with someone you can" t have. Its more than a crush. Its an addictive escape thought that you go to, and that you use to deal with the loneliness and lack of joy and purpose in your life. "

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@KoolT Год назад

The more narcs there are these days, the easier to get hit by a narc.

@KoolT Год назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy you've helped me so much.

@Lazy-bliss Год назад

Perfectly explained

@nostalgicbliss5547 Год назад

Couldn't have said it any better

@itsybitsy8100 Год назад

I'm doing it since I was a teenager. This is the only way I can "feel" something because I am alone all the time. I keep getting "obsessed" with people I don't know and I keep idealising them. I can't stop. It's always "someone" in my head, some fantasy. I can't live without doing it, i would be probably eaten by the emptiness and loneliness of my life.

@Birdstalkerlady Год назад

Yes and no. You feel like you would be eaten by the loneliness, and it will feel like that. But you will not be eaten. You will survive and get some clarity once you can be honest about your life. I use this as a coping mechanism too. It only makes me want what I can’t have. I find gratitude can help sometimes, but actually feeling your feeling and allowing them to go on is truly the way forward.

@Jessica-zh2ck Год назад

Lol, I see you itsy bitsy. I was wondering about that alluring infatuation that doesn't seem to make sense, because it's not like you have smelled each other in person,. I'm off to find out what dream weavers are now. I think I'm one of those, not sure yet

@sylviapapp8812 Год назад

Exactly the same here...I am in a marriage with a narcisstic person...it is a survival mechanism for me...one thing...be very careful because sometimes the person you fantasise about can take advantage of you !

@iambetakaroten Год назад

Same! It started when I was 10. And it’s not stopping

@ewa11411 10 месяцев назад

Same! Limerent since forever

@ErikaEmody Год назад

“Limerance brings up a Vision of who you might be”. 💯💯💯

@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Год назад

..and go for. Yes, this particular phrase resonated with me so much...

@ErikaEmody Год назад

And the thing is - we can STILL SHOOT FOR THAT VISION for ourselves if it’s life affirming. When I think of who has inspired me, I now back away and it’s like, ok - how can I bring that creativity, excitement etc into my life by switching things up? Sometimes it just comes down to making sure I get to PLAY. It changes everything.

@ravenel2 Год назад

Yes. The person who pulled me down was a good looking guy who did absolutely nothing to have hundreds of friends in school. He just had an adorable face. I know now that what I needed was not some toxic idiot, but a life a little more like that. Not sure if affirmations and going to the gym every day will ever do that for me, but it’s better than seeking it through some abusive demon who can’t love.

@WhisperedShadow123 Год назад

Whoaaa mindblown...

@luisa1473 Год назад

Limerence is crazy making. No matter how many times he showed me that he was not who my limerent brain wanted him to be, I would still pine. Rationality couldn't reach the feelings, and I felt like this person was my last shot at happiness.

@sarahalessa78 Год назад

Ratinoality couldn't reach the feelings. Very well said. I like how you take accountability for your feelings. In most of the cases the other Person does show who and how they are but it's the incapability to take it in and act accordingly that is most dangerous in my experience.

@orscha6126 8 месяцев назад

you word it incredibly. I have lost 27 yrs of this. i cannot even be cross with him, as at the end it was me... he just used what was offered... :(

@ratsalad178 27 дней назад

oof, you put into words what i've been struggling with the majority of this year. it really helped me understand what i'm going through - i keep thinking "what if there's nobody else out there like him?" so the "last shot at happiness" bit really resonated. thanks for sharing your experience. wishing you healing and strength

@tom23rd Год назад

Limerence is absolutely a special kind of hell. Still haven't figure out how to beat it.

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

Aside from this awesome channel, look into the website, Living With Limerence. Really insightful articles and the comments are from others who suffer with limerence.

@5gx673 Год назад

Fenna's Self Compassion channel is good

@paolapal 5 месяцев назад

Evita pk

@cici2562 Год назад

Personally, I feel that limerence is just another form of magical thinking where the sufferer is desperately trying to seek out excitement that real relationships simply don’t provide. Subconsciously we all have an inner compass that guides us and can sense when someone’s unavailable and the unhealthy response to that is to form an attachment. Since that wishful relationship can likely never be realized, the sufferer now has creative license to make this person whoever or whatever they want them to be with no risk of discovering otherwise. Then the endorphins start rushing in and that feels good with the “what ifs” and the chasing and the “some day”s and the lack of responsibility of a real relationship. With the added benefit of having a very convenient excuse for why the person is rejecting them; it’s not personal, it’s because they’re unavailable. Until the inevitable fall and reality slap that it’s never going to happen and then the person feels rejected hence enhancing their trauma. It’s really just a way that the unfulfilled seek fulfillment and end up feeling even more isolated. I dunno, this is the conclusion I’ve come to though.

@NatalieZii Год назад

Well put!

@evadebruijn Год назад

Whenever I see it in others I can't help but think it is a roundabout way of fear of intimacy, for I am sure that when the limerent object were to suddenly turn around and say 'Yes I want you so bad as well!' the limerent person would run for the hills.

@hschlacht Год назад

Great point. I’ve used this strategy: 2 examples: I’d visualize his assumed unattractive daily habits- like him automatically leaving his smelly socks and underwear on the floor in the evenings, or even more useful: things I may feel envious of him abt like the ultimate- how fulfilled he feels in his life.. and how really, that’s what I ache for- my own joy and meaning darnit…and that helps place me soberly in my life- with some trustworthy hope for lasting trustworthy (vs magical) fulfillment.

@cici2562 Год назад

@@evadebruijn so much this!!!!

@DarkArmedDaddy1 Год назад

We were never meant to have only one partner.

@tahitihawaiiblue Год назад

Limerance is like eating dessert three times a day and desperately trying to lose weight.

@Shell.29 Год назад

Ouch, so true!

@cristinaevans139 Год назад

Omg I’m with you new bakery at the corner 20kg so far 😂

@ashlietussey1465 Год назад

😭

@tamaragraham6859 Год назад

Great analogy.

@Onthe9thlife3730 Год назад

I hate that this rings true for so much. Some thin people can eat as much as they want and not put on weight and still get all these amazing relationships. I don't 😩

@ladyofspa Год назад

I often wonder the feelings are not about the other at all. It's about what you yearn within for yourself. It's the self asking you to get it that joy, love, worth. Not about the other at all they are the mirror.

@Nan-Elle Год назад

Can I just mention as a massage therapist, I learned that at times back pain (muscular) can improve with strengthening of the abdominal muscles.

@tanieshapostsaboutthings Год назад

As an adopted person, I'm now recognizing that limerence is the big bad wolf I've been struggling with most of my life...and the entire time I've been in romantic relationships. Every time I get any sense of safety with someone, I get in limerence with someone else. The safety feels dangerously unsafe to me. I'm scared I'm gonna lose them again the way I lost my birthmother. The limerence is a much safer feeling of attachment for me than the very real one in front of me that causes global panic in my body.

@lowings848 Год назад

'How could you help but fall for someone who brings the goodness' - It is quite wonderful if I am honest about it. This is why when we're in a vulnerable state we need to be extra careful about our emotional health.

@57msdeb Год назад

Your reference to Mary Poppins made me choke on my tea. When I was a child, a neighbor took me to see that movie along with her kids and I daydreamed myself into that movie for the next few years. I wanted so badly for someone to take care of me, that I was obsessed with a movie at 7 years old. I see why now, so thank you.

@asab167 Год назад

Learning about limerance is mindblowing to me. As a kid i would get it so intensely for female teachers, movie stars and musicians. I would have such intense aching fantasies about being taken away, cared for and loved by these people.

@mintyhippo8125 Год назад

I used to have a big problem with limerance where I would invest so much in the idea of someone that I wouldn’t even listen when they told me they weren’t interested (and I didn’t know how to handle that lol) Now, since I practiced that so much in my life in my friendships and relationships, it comes very naturally to me. Even though I don’t get limerant for people in my life as much, now I kinda get limerant for celebrities. … and, I know I can’t get hurt by that being fake/imagined because I know I will likely never meet them (and I’m not thinking they love me back or anything lol) I know that distracts me from finding my own happiness, but I do sometimes get very invested in just pretending so that I get happier when I’m lonely. … like, just pretending they are my friend lol I know that is sad, but my brain is just so good at comforting me with imagination that it is hard to stop… it’s hard to know why it’s bad even though I know it’s not good for me. I know it’s artificial, but happy is happy…. … is this too depressing? 😅

@tinamariesaunders-schlundt1952 Год назад

nOpe it's tOtally relatable

@Pacifica74 Год назад

I've kept myself afloat for years using distractions and the happy thought, "Something good is gonna happen for me in the future." Then my age seemed to creep up on me last year, and those distractions left me empty handed.

@lauriemeerlarock5649 Год назад

@@Pacifica74 prayers for renewed life 🙏🏼🕊🙏🏼

@talita8882 Год назад

That’s in fact relatable

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for being here! -Cara@TeamFairy

@martine3884 Год назад

Louise Hayes’s book “Heal your life” first explained the emotional and psychological link with physical symptoms.

@YinYanka Год назад

I've found that back pain also can be sign of serious lack of support in life. The same way the spine is supposed to support the erect body

@sarahalessa78 Год назад

That is my experience exactly!

@ashleeskhan4075 Год назад

Yes that is so very true.

@bp51082 Год назад

The mind body correlations are fascinating... I'm 40 and a big strong guy / powerlifter. Had my first major back issue at 19. Pretty resolved now, but I found flare-ups were far far more correlated with feeling instability in life and finances than anything I had lifted or not lifted or done

@tiffanyjohnson1676 Год назад

It hurts just reading this ❤️ Mine is better.

@andziagreen4922 Год назад

That's very accurate conclusion, been there many times

@bobleglob162 Год назад

Over 1K views in less than hour. CCF is killin it. And apparently limerance is not uncommon. glad I'm not suffering alone.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

You are not alone! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@christinelinden4075 Год назад

I lost my husband 6 years ago. I'm in great shape, but can't connect with another man except on a limerant level. This was so helpful to me. Must stop looking for ways to see that one guy who checks every box except one...he's not interested in me.

@toscadonna Год назад

You can always just enjoy the crush, knowing that it’s all in your head, and eventually it will fade. I’ve never had a crush like me back, and that’s fine. Having an imaginary relationship/friend in your head can keep you from constantly feeling miserable. I don’t see anything wrong with having a crush if you don’t act upon it. It can help you get thru a tough time.

@Cre80s Год назад

I'd generally agree up to the point of if the crush is a person you're really in contact with and interacting with, not like a lofty literal celebrity on TV, etc. A person who is actually in your personal life is far less likely to be so unaffected as you suggest. Not impossible, but very unlikely.

@lowings848 Год назад

@@Cre80s I agree with you. (provided if I understand what you mean) If this person you are crushing on is actually in your personal life, talking to you, actively expressing interest in you and your well being, you do it for them and then nothing..that is actually quite devastating and this person is cruel.

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

Yes but not as a married individual

@JinJinDoe Год назад

I love your phrase at the end that limerence gives us the vision of the version of yourself that you want to achieve. I felt that I have so much potential to be the best version of myself during my limerent phase.

@wtf9987 Год назад

Thank you - I so recognize this in my own life for years. In fact I had limerance for my husband in the past. I had many people I was ‘infatuated’ with which started when I was about 12. They were men, women and some peers - I would spend time dreaming about them and what they would be like if only I could make them larger in my own life. I’ve been with my husband now for 13 and a half years and realize I no longer get into these patterns. It turned out that my husband helped me a lot in helping myself. I started to be able to discern my natural tendencies to ‘like’ someone but not go into full on infatuation. I could see people’s flaws and could regulate myself. At least there is a name for this behaviour that beleaguered me for much of my life (I’m 53)

@David-uc4hc Год назад

I'm experiencing this right now and it's deeply painful. I've been dating this guy for 2.5 months, and it's clear he doesn't have the time to make us work. It's not personal, it's not a failing for either of us, but dammit I really let myself fall for him and his family way harder and faster than he was moving with me, and I feel devastated. I thought maybe I had found my people finally. Learning a lot about myself.

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

Saw my psychiatrist the other day. I brought up the word "limerence". She had never heard the term and asked me to explain. Picture the scene: a man with only an undergraduate degree in history, explaining to a woman with a PHD in psychiatry the term and its meaning thanks to Anna Runkle. "The student has become the teacher". Many laughs.

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

Apparently it's a concept from attachment theory and is not well-known outside of that

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

@@Heyu7her3 just reading about the 4 distinct attachment theories. Very interesting. Those first few years are so important. I guess I would describe myself as "anxious-ambivalent" when I'm under stress. What about all of you?

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

@@joeljoy4144 My therapist had never heard of it. I cited Dr Dorothy Tennov's work on Limerence and essentially gave him homework to learn all he can about it. My husband is in limerence, as is his limerent Object. It's what kept me standing. I had been in limerence before and I know how the record ends. By the way, I took an assessment on attachment theory and scored Anxious. My husband took it and scored secure, but he feels that he is more anxious. We both have childhood trauma and he suffers from depression and anxiety, which limerence exasperated.

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

@@brinselyseven5530 hope you and your hubby slowly heal and thrive with Anna at the helm. Yeah, limerence is a big problem today, especially with people like us. I'm never limerent about a celebrity; it's usually someone I know somewhat. I get this idea that I could help them be all they can be, in life, and vice-versa. How I come out of it is, I think, would I get along with their friends? Could I live in the area they live with the social and political environment they live, or could they adjust to my conservative environs? Lastly, is their spiritual beliefs radical compared to mine? If they meditate in a Buddhist temple, no way they could come to a Christian church. It snaps me back into reality.

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

I get angry at Anna Runkle because she didn't help us when she was in her 20s. But, sometimes, to get to the "promised land" you have to wander in the wilderness for 40 years. Hopefully, that wandering will be much shorter for us with childhood trauma with people like Anna Runkle.

@christineherrmann205 Год назад

Have to have boundaries as a therapist. I definitely think that finding a _different_ yoga class is a good idea. I don't think a crush is bad, but when it slips over into changing your behavior and endangering your (or someone else's) real life relationship, IMHO it's problematic. Glad your husband is getting back on his feet. ❤️

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy

@egyptsunshine704 Год назад

Thank you for mentioning Dr. Sarno's back pain books. They healed me from over 12 yrs of chronic back pain!! Helplessness around this def added to priming me for limerence... it's all connected. And all started falling away with more ease, relief, joy from other parts of life

@marciahammond9735 Год назад

Yes, when someone walked into our lives with a 'pity play' my 'rescue/sympathy' ways took over. He played me and took advantage of our kindness. I realized that he is narcissistic and I studied up about it and stopped communicating with narco. Wow these people are so good at playing on our weaknesses.

@slimshany4602 Год назад

Sounds just like regular people to me. 🧞‍♂️ (there is a narcissist thing trending on youtube. Its a serious thing to say, be careful, we're speaking diagnosed patients here. Can't just claim someone is an narco a**hole.)

@stacyrosa6672 Год назад

I think a lot of chronic issues are made worse with our hidden anger and emotional pain. But when you are desperately in search of treatment, and a doctor decides that "it's all in your head ", it puts a huge burden on the patient.

@roycexroyce6446 Год назад

When someone tells me it's all in my head I tell them, yeah. That's where the problem resides in my body, do you have any soultions?

@katherine_dogsRlife 11 месяцев назад

FYI, chronic pain is a symptom of trauma too. It is driven by your subconscious to try and keep you “safe”.

@tinamariesaunders-schlundt1952 Год назад

Freakin addiction!! Me, Myself & I I am the reason of my depression & chronic pain.. = Autoimmune disorder statement is spot on.. YOU DON'T L👀k SICK.. The invisible disease 💔 110% Truth

@newboots11 Год назад

I know this is off topic, but your hair is really nice today!

@KatarinaP81 Год назад

There's another book, on the sidenotes, my therapist recommended to me, When the body says no by Gabor Mate

@MatisCCCC Год назад

meni je isto preporucila

@charmedprince Год назад

Re back pain, it's the same as psoriasis, reduce your stress and it would stop flaring up. Regards to our writer, from a fellow limerent. 🙏💕

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@anxylum Год назад

I’m starting to think all autoimmune issues work like that. My RA sure seems to.

@karencox3235 Год назад

Wow. Just, wow! I have had "limerence" since a young child, and it all makes sense now! Thank you, Anna, for this video! I wish I could explain more detail, but just know that this has hit home for me so much. It's like an illusive puzzle piece has just fit in to place. May God bless you!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

So glad you are getting some clarity! Cara@TeamFairy

@elixirlove2062 Год назад

Wow! It’s brilliant that there’s actually a name for the creamy obsession I had with a guy for many years. Think I’ve had a few relationships like that actually, but definitely with the last guy. Unfortunately I wasn’t as smart as the lady who wrote the letter! Thanks for sharing!

@confectioninfection Год назад

i got chills when you mentioned dr. sarno because the moment you read the part about the husband having back issues, he immediately sprung to mind! i credit dr. sarno 100% for helping me to rid myself of chronic back pain for going on 5 years now.

@biondna7984 Год назад

The perfect storm: does that describe my situation. Hired people to fix up our place, then sold it; packed up everything while my late spouse with advancing Alzheimer's was unable to help at all; moved over 700 miles, leaving behind all my friends, professional contacts, my reputation, work opportunities; settled in here to take care of him until he died; endured complete isolation brought on by his illness and then by Covid. Here I am, alone and under-occupied, at Square. One. Enter the friendly but married poster boy for everything I lost in my spouse, plus some. Perfect misery. At least I know it. Have not succumbed. Staying away from him, not contacting him, busting my rear taking classes, going to different places, volunteering. If only there were a vaccine for THIS. Damn it.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

I'm so glad you're here, maybe consider membership. We have a lot of support calls via zoom :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Год назад

You are not alone in that experience. Bless you, hang in there!!

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

I always talk about the need for a limerence vaccine. The divorce rate would plummet! I have been limerent in the past (never again) and my husband is currently limerent, but like most married limerents, he will never admit it. I believe you are doing the right thing. Bring purpose to your life to fill that void you have now. Deal with the grief, maybe through counseling or joining a group for support. Actively stop yourself from fantasizing about the limerent object. The more you think of him, the worse the addiction can become. If you can think of any time he has been a disappointment or let you down, or even just think of the lives that would be impacted by your actions, will help you recover quicker. Hang in there, you've got this!

@thehotcoffeehouse6081 Год назад

@@brinselyseven5530 a limerence vaccine would be so helpful! Lol...for a funny example, when I was a teenager, I was limerent on Robin Zander of cheap trick. For years, into my young adulthood...then, I saw him in an awful state on the red carpet somewhere, just on TV of course, not in person...and , instant cure. After many years of limerance, lol! Limerance is fantasy-Ville on steroids ...like you said, the antidote is thinking about reality...who would do the dishes, who will change the diapers, who will watch the grandkids, who will clean up after the dog, and so forth. God bless everyone here struggling with narc sbuse though. I get you and I know how limerance can feel like a blissful escape...but it's a deceptive illusion and can even be dangerous were you to act on it. So, stay 💪 strong, you will never regret not acting on limerant desires.

@HealthyThinkingsubstack 3 месяца назад

I saw a video on this topic last year and thought that it didn’t apply to me and then yesterday morning I realized that it definitely does apply to me in the world of friendships and colleagues. Thankfully, it doesn’t apply to me right now in romantic relationships because I’ve been in a committed relationship for almost 11 years. But I still light up at the possibility of friendship. I look for friendship and complete strangers just like my mom did and I started to realize that I carry this trait as if it were genetic.

@percubit10 2 месяца назад

That's what I used to say. I used to creat my own joy. I have purpose.

@eviewilde354 Год назад

Great talk! - Both about the limerence issue, and about clearing pain and health issues by acknowledging the trauma lodged in your body. Another thing that occurred to me while listening to you talk about limerence: (I had to retire early due to my own chronic health problems & unaddressed CPTSD), but from my past experience counselling & advocating for people exiting coercive cults & unhealthy groups, & survivors of religious abuse, I observed that such folk usually developed a strong, co-dependent 'limerence attachment' to their guru or cult leader or evangelist, etc. They know they will never be able to be in a personal committed relationship with these charming narcissistic 'teachers' (although in some cases they may get seduced into being sexual prey to them), but their obsession & co-dependent personal attachment to them literally takes over their whole lives, & it can become a lifelong obsessive compulsion to devote themselves to a life of subservience or servitude to these conmen & con-women, & they live every day in the hope of getting an approving look or word from their 'master'. In a way, limerence is a one-way trauma bond. What do you think about this?

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

I can totally relate. Just reading about a cult called NXIVM. It's guru enticed Hollywood personalities to believe and promote self-help, multi-level marketing schemes as a guise for his personal sexual abuse of young women. He was a clever, evil man, preying on the ignorant and abused. I'm sure Limerence played a part in many of these women's lives. He was recently convicted and sentenced to 120 years in prison. A Hollywood actress was also convicted and sent to prison because of her involvement with this "false savior".

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

Yes. Example: Jonestown.

@cristinaevans139 Год назад

Anna you are so amazing there’s a lot of love and appreciation for you out here 🎉

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you for your kind words! -Calista@TeamFairy

@gshepdatdog2847 Год назад

I just finished my ending of my abusive 7 year relationship. I'll contact you soon. thank you.

@Brobro37372 Год назад

I experience limerance badly, I have since sixth grade. I also have chronic pain, diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2015. I have a lot of related health issues. I have not healed completely with John Sarno, but Curable is a related app - but I’ve had some relief realizing that a lot of my pain is anxiety and depression related. I’ve also realized I’m quiet BPD in the last two years. I also do other things for pain as well. I still have pain and I’m on meds but I’ve been able to reduce my pain. It’s definitely not “all in my head” - I am one of the most self aware people ever - TOO self aware if anything. I cannot control my pain completely. But I’ve been able reduce. Other than some elementary school bullying and my dad having a temper I didn’t have a crappy childhood at all. I don’t know why I have so many issues. I think I just have some bad genetics unfortunately.

@melaniedoyle2968 Год назад

Bullying can be very damaging though. And a parent who's unpredictable also causes instability. You sound like me: someone who didn't have a terrible childhood, but had enough dysfunction and pain to affect how we relate to people

@franziskani 10 месяцев назад

Try EFT (meridian tapping), it calms down the Amygdala (think anxiety relief). If there is a psychosomatic part of the illness, meridian tapping can help with that. Some people were able to overcome fibromyalgia. Dawson Church has instructions (for free) on his website. And you can search the archives for case studies.

@buddyneher9359 Год назад

Just wanted to mention that Surica's husband's obesity issue may not need to take as long to resolve as the amount of time she mentioned. I understand why CCF would focus on the letter writer's issues and not those of her husband; but I'll go ahead and say that checking out Bright Line Eating could be life-changing for this man. The original book by Susan Peirce Thompson is available free at any library, and contains all the info needed to begin. There are also many videos free on You Tube. I wish Surica and her husband great health and success!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

We are huge BLE fans around here :) -Cara@TeamFairy

@buddyneher9359 Год назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes, I know. Thought it was worth a mention in this case.

@sunnyadams5842 Год назад

Soo Happy you're Healed from all that scary, painful back, head and lung pain and surgeries!, Anna 🥰

@Priasbcbeist Год назад

Yup addictive escape thought

@sissymarie2912 Год назад

This one is hard to listen to as a person with a disability. It absolutely puts a strain on relationships and a lot of marriages don't survive it. No relationship is perfect but it can be really easy to fall into a pattern of just getting by, putting off addressing personal and marital issues until some future time once you've gotten through what seems like a never ending series of health crises. My husband also has health problems of his own that have been more difficult because I wasn't able to work. It's easy to get caught in a pattern of escapism while you deal with a really painful reality that the life you thought you were going to have is turned completely upside down. I think this video has really helped me put some things in perspective. I've had things I wanted to deal with but didn't quite know how to communicate.

@sarahalessa78 Год назад

I'm sending you love and strength, often small changes can already make one feel so much better. one thing at a time.

@sissymarie2912 Год назад

@@sarahalessa78 thank you

@buckyes6749 Год назад

You are lovely to share these things. This life is breaking me

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

You can make it! -Cara@TeamFairy

@ladyofspa Год назад

I absolutely needed to hear this. This has released that last piece of resistance misunderstanding thank you it's so wonderful.

@marinaaing5467 Год назад

Thank you Anna I watch your videos everyday,I don’t know how to go to your free trainings but you’re a real fairy . I share them to my children and my older sister. I had severe emotional and physical abuse from my mother and tolerated by my father. I didn’t know how I survived came to the US , had 2 children and divorced when they’re babies. I had therapy and so did my kids and sister. Still I lived thru pains until I found ,Craig Kenneth then you after a very destructive relationship at 64 years old. You’re an angel sent from heaven in my lowest of the lows. My adult children are receptive and living on their own with successful careers.God Bless you more.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for sharing your story! So glad the videos have been helpful for you and your family. If you're interested in Anna's free course, here is the link to register: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy

@trafficcontrol2420 Год назад

Lately I've been limerent about limerence. Literally obsessing over it..like why me! Why do I have to suffer from this? I can't tell the difference between true friendship, real love and limerence.

@MsClaudz Год назад

That’s because it ultimately comes back to attachment.. whether that’s attaching to a person, a form/material items or thoughts.. it’s seeking meaning and sense of security/attachment outside of ourselves. The answer for me is mindfulness, sitting with what is, connecting to self, inner child work.. the psychological discovery requires a balance with mindfulness so that the self discovery doesn’t become another distraction or attachment. Why me? is the ego trying to keep itself itself alive by addicting attaching to thoughts.

@MsClaudz Год назад

Be kind to yourself and sit with your feelings .. really listen to what it is and see whether you can give yourself some of what you need so you learn to become attuned to yourself and don’t become so focussed on others.. (longing from others/checking others behaviours for validation) when you’re more secure in yourself you will start being able to attach to the right people. See Tara Brach (RAIN technique) & John Bradshaw (inner child work)

@nishasankaran Год назад

You made it, Anna 😊❤

@allisona9490 Год назад

Seems like she might be having limerence because her husband isn't able to take care of her currently, and it may feel like this guy is filling in. I wonder if it will pass once her husband recovers.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Great point! -Cara@TeamFairy

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

Limerence always ends, but, it will take time and some effort. I think going no contact with the physical therapist is important to her recovery. She also needs to find things that bring her purpose and joy. I think things will be better for her marriage when they both heal. It could actually be an amazing marriage.

@Erin-uz2gf Год назад

Thank you Fairy for another compassionate and really helpful video! ❤you have helped me identify the source of many of my traumas that I've lived with since I was a little girl and why I kept repeating so many cycles over and over again. You have been a part of my healing journey, thank you.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Wow! keep going on your journey. Jack@TeamFairy

@kerrytaggart8206 Год назад

I like that. Lime ranch brings up a vision of who you might be. I want to be that person and feel that way all of the time by myself. Wondering if that extreme level of joy is possible.

@emmacollett2629 Год назад

Can you also have limerant feelings towards a place or an interest you might have or is that something quite different. When I was a kid I was obsessed with Ancient Egypt. And in my early 20s I longed for my childhood home. I've also had many limerant feelings towards unavailable men throughout my life

@Iudicatio Год назад

I think it is quite different because you can't have a relationship with Ancient Egypt like you can have with a person. With a person you build realistic fantasies about having a relationship with them that technically could happen except the person has no interest in you. You could fantasize about living in Ancient Egypt but I think it's a lot different because you clearly understand that could never happen. Whereas with the unavailable person you make yourself believe it will actually happen even though a clear headed person would instantly see that it won't.

@danaroman9739 Год назад

Perhaps you had a very happy previous life there. I'd like to think so.

@ldekker97 Год назад

I wouldn't call that limerence, I think limerence is only about people. but it can still be a form of escapism, thinking about that thing all the time and not really being in and dealing with reality

@riannap4593 Год назад

Oh my, this comment surprised me so much! I got sooo into studying Egypt in school at about 11, I wrote about it and basically created this whole other life where I grew up there. At I time I thought I just had a great imagination. I also daydreamed about living in other houses and even designed my own as a kid. To this day I can think back to that house and it almost feels more like a real memory than any I actually lived in. Have you heard of Maladaptive Daydreaming? It’s basically Limerance but beyond a specific person into places and situations.

@destroyraiden Год назад

Getting emotional release healing is also a great way to aid sciatica as well as sleeping with the black tourmaline crystal at your bedside at hip level. This type of back pain is a alot of pent up emotions that get stuck in the body becoming pain hence getting emotional release. The crystal aids in aligning the lower back and will soak up negative energy as you sleep if you carry it in your pocket during the day time it will repel the energy of others, hold your energy to you, work on you root chakra, and aids in lower back pain ect.

@ednasanchez2508 Год назад

YES I'M DROWNING HERE

@CONEHEADDK Год назад

Learn to "swim". You will always be surrounded by water..

@tinamariesaunders-schlundt1952 Год назад

keep your head above water..you've got this!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here! -Cara@TeamFairy

@leilawiebe5092 Год назад

Hello Anna, My husband left our 33 yr marriage after I discovered him having an affair with a lady from work. She is my age, divorced, has 4 grown children…etc. He always worked so hard, long hours, is CEO of the company he works for. He has been gone now for 3 years, and just moved in with “her.” Is this limerence for him? I always thought this affair would end. How could he have been so miserable in our marriage? We were pretty good together. Not perfect, but loving, raised our 3 wonderful children to be independent and successful adults. I have been working hard to move on and move forward. I have re-located, gone back to work (independent financial advisor) and renewed me own interest in golf and equestrian sports. But I still think of him and miss him. Will his limerence end?

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

Most if the time, it is limerence. There are some features of limerence that you may have noticed. Did he rewrite the history of your relationship? Did he vilify you and sort of blame you for the marriage falling apart? That's usually to justify the things that he is doing. Limerence can last on average 3-36 months, but can go longer. Especially if there was an obstacle, like your marriage, that prevented them from being together. Since he just moved in with her, the fantasy or idea of her, is about to be shattered. It doesn't always happen, but, many times, when limerence fades, the wayward spouse finally sees what happened. Often times, though not always, they return to the spouse, even after divorce. The number one thing you can do, is work on you. Go to therapy, find your interests, learn new things, and surround yourself with good, supportive people. This way, if your spouse doesn't come back, you are the best version of you and can go forward with an amazing life. I learned about limerence through Marriage Helper. I love that Anna covers childhood trauma extensively because I think that is a bigger reason for limerence, not, just marriage trouble.

@lpgirl Год назад

Oh Anna. Thank you so much for sharing. Listening to you, I feel like you have a mirror into my own early life. Your words help validate our experiences and give us hope for a more peaceful, joyful life.

@psychic_celestial_rose Год назад

I wish I found you 25 years ago. Thank you so much for your help ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@sonorasenora5911 Год назад

Yes...took me to depth of great misery...and others...was NOT worth the wasted summer and hurting others

@gilliancoleman9127 Год назад

Wow. Thank you for bringing up the back pain thing. I'm going to look up the book you mentioned. Love your channel! 💖

@PhanRegSop Год назад

I send two-handed air kisses to you, Crappy Childhood Fairy!! Thank you so much for your insight and sharing.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@allysonlow2841 Год назад

Very well put

@catherinelovell1275 Год назад

For Anna ,The lady who wrote the letter and all fellow followers of this channel I just finished listening to Dr Rangan Chatterjee podcast with Dr Howard Schubiner It was all about chronic pain caused by Trauma .... so so insightful sorry don’t know how to do the link thing!!! Need a Crappy with technology fairy !!!

@Irene-ls5wf Год назад

What is the podcast called please

@catherinelovell1275 Год назад

Feel better live more podcast with Dr Rangan Chatterjee he’s a really lovely person open honest kind he talks with people from all different backgrounds would be really really good if him and Anna got together Hope you get something uplifting and helpful from him all the best Catherine x

@rezounours9628 Год назад

I went through a long limerence phase with an ex who did not want commitment ( I’ve juste discovered the term limerence). After a lot of suffering I over came it. A few years later I met someone who I loved very deeply. The relationship evolved quickly but stopped very suddenly. I went into depression because i didn’t want to be without him but more importantly I knew! I knew that what was waiting for me was the limerence thing all over again. Elhamdulillah i healed from depression but I still think about this person. I was loved as a child and I just don’t get why. I am coping through acceptance

@bahadortanzif8932 Год назад

@Rezou Nours Ditto

@northofyou33 Год назад

I have this same kind of man in my life, only he is a neighbor. He brings the light and the good to me all the time, AND we talk very personally and he flirts with me quite intensely. I am on my own, he's married. Is this limerence when it's a two-way thing? I am not fantasizing about a man I cannot have. I am fantasizing about a man I can have. All I have to do is say the word, and I will be deep in an affair. Why do I fall for men like this? I have fallen, hard, but he is the one pursuing. I never would have instigated this. Does he see me as a possible conquest because my CPTSD is somehow obvious even though I've been working on this stuff for years? I just do not know anymore.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

I'd be interested to hear a little more about this, perhaps in a letter for me to respond in a video? If you're open to it, please provide a little background about you, your circumstances, and this situation, along with this very good question. to hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com. Thanks!

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

My husband is limerent for a single woman and she is limerent for him. Limerence has a shelf life. People cannot sustain those dopamine hits for long (on average 3 months to 3 years) and when the limerence fog lifts, the two limerents take a good look around and see the damage it has caused. Please proceed with caution. My husband lied to his LO. He told her that we were divorcing and we just live like friends while co-parenting. Not true, he did not want a divorce and we were still intimate/affectionate. He didn't plan on choosing her or me, he was choosing himself. He wanted to "cake'eat" and she believed him. I told her the truth because I would hate for some guy to string me along. She ended the affair, but, they are both still in limerence. It takes a very long time for that limerence fog to lift.

@mUe.e Год назад

@@brinselyseven5530 how do you handle the situation? Are you still with him?

@LittleMissGenderingSis Год назад

I really appreciate her honesty and her acceptance in front of facts. She has a lot of insight.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thanks for listening! -Cara@TeamFairy

@Jonathan_Freeloader Год назад

I Neva kneu a crappy childhood was the source 2 all my flaws smh

@sunmoonstars2228 Год назад

I just wish to give you a huge hug. You are such an uplifter, and you bring clarity to my mind that calms me down. By the way, what is the title of the book? I do have some digestive issues and back pain that doesn't go away. Yes, i do believe that unresolved issues and emotions get stuck in our bodies.

@joeljoy4144 Год назад

Very interesting segment as usual. The Fairy is covered in angel dust. I want to look into that book you mentioned. Sounds like a good read. Years ago, I read a book by S.I. McMillan entitled, "None of These Diseases". Eye-opening evaluation of modern ailments tied to negative emotions. In fact, Dr. McMillan has a chart that corresponds each wrong emotion to a specific organ and gland in the body and its correlating disease. For example, my problem with fear and fear of rejection born out of my childhood PTSD. This raw emotion relates to arthritis. I've suffered with this, especially in my neck, so I can attest to the connection. Another interesting tidbit: his medical and scientic research, related to many biblical instructions and statutes. For example is circumcision. In cultures where this is not practiced, the cervical cancer rates of women was high. But in Jewish communities, this cancer is almost unheard of. Amazing! God knew what he was doing. He loved women enough to make sure their husband's were circumcised as newborns.

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

HPV is mostly transmitted through uncircumcised genitalia?

@Heyu7her3 Год назад

Oh wow, it is!

@Luna-kb3sr Год назад

Off topic but I LOVE your shirt!!! 😍

@franziskani 10 месяцев назад

One does not need 3 - 4 years to lose 60 - 90 pounds. and when the husband is 270 right now - it depends how tall he is. Even losing 40 - 50 pounds in one year (which is very doable) would make a big difference. In health, vitality, appearance, danger of sleep apnoe, libido, etc.

@franziskani 10 месяцев назад

he could try low carb approaches and / or intermittent fasting

@HealthyThinkingsubstack 3 месяца назад

Thanks for the great video. Also keep in mind that anxiety and depression and chronic pain can be a result of vitamin D deficiency. I’ve published articles and books and videos on this topic.

@kismypencek6185 Год назад

Thank you for another inspiring explanation for changing and healing.❣

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Any time! Cara@TeamFairy

@sincerefaithfulness 6 месяцев назад

Hurts like hell to cut myself off from limerence object.. especially because the feeling is mutual between us ….. but I’m married. So i tried to gain my sanity and cut it off before anything happen.

@nightmareoracle 11 месяцев назад

I've learnt so much from you. I can't thank you enough 🌻

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 11 месяцев назад

Thank you for being a part of our community here! Nika@TeamFairy

@kellyscourfield77 2 месяца назад

This makes me wonder if chronic pain which in my case I’ve had for a year now, has contributed to my latest limerence episode, last Time I felt even slightly limerent was about 6 months before this one it fizzled out fast when the tv show he was on finished I tend to get famous or celeb LOs since I’m not really meeting new people. I’m basically not able to do much activity and it’s awful, I want to get back to pain free and able to be active again. My body can’t do much but my mind is active so boredom is strong. I developed an attraction to a singer on RU-vid about 6 weeks ago, it’s strong I feel like I’ve fallen in love with him. I don’t know how long this LE will last. I watch his music videos I think about him every day especially before I sleep. I’m married to a good man but I’ve been like this all my adult life. I thought I just had a lot of crushes didn’t know about limerence until recently. Totally fits for me though.

@MrWhaatay 7 месяцев назад

I disagree that it is by definition with someone you can't have, but I believe that can make it worse. I have been in love with someone I couldn't have but it wasn't limerence. I am currently experiencing limerence with someone that I haven't spoken to more than 30 minutes total since I met them. I know they like me but I don't know if it is in a romantic sense or not so there is still a possibility I could have them and we could be together. However, what causes it to be so bad is that this is the first time I have experienced it and I am not a young person. If it took me this long to experience it, the odds are pretty much zero the person I am limerent on feels the same. There could have been 10,000 people limerent on me in the past but I never felt the same so to think the one time in my long life I am limerent on someone, they would feel the same is absurd. That's what causes the depression and despair. I try to use this to move forward but it doesn't really help with the strong attraction to them.

@nothoughtsheadempty4411 Год назад

oh it is true that people can't make you happy if you're not happy on your own, but when you do feel happy on your own you also feel that you don't need other people appreciation and love at all, in some sort of a hermit way, and i think it might be the other side of the trauma, when you're longing for love but you don't have the skill of receiving and accepting it properly

@bethtaylor9773 Год назад

A Mary Poppins guy lol!

@MaryamAli-vd1xv Год назад

Love how you handled everything.🌹

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Thank you! 🤗 -Cara@TeamFairy

@MaryamAli-vd1xv Год назад

💖

@MaryamAli-vd1xv Год назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks so very much for sharing your message 💖

@kayumochi Год назад

Dr Sarno's book is excellent. Scott Kiloby has taken Sarno's work and expanded on it and gives actual methods to eliminate pain.

@nononononono1730 Год назад

That makes so much sense😳

@brittneyblackburn8063 Год назад

Anna please consider creating a course on limerence

@AXharoth Год назад

thank you so much for your videos!!!

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Glad you like them! -Cara@TeamFairy

@AXharoth Год назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 💖💖💖😸

@lf9341 Год назад

I am 56 and had limerence since I was 13. I had wonderful (yet a controlling mom). I don't think it is from childhood neglect.

@Heinz57ish Год назад

Oooh interesting. I'm the same age. And my first bout of limerence was a little younger. My Mum wasn't awful but she tends to be critical. She left my Dad who was emotional unavailable when I was 12 and moved in with my step dad. We had a clean home and good home cooked dinners but my Mum was always distracted and I felt lonely. Like you, not sure if this caused limerence in me.

@iambetakaroten Год назад

@@Heinz57ishloneliness is the sole root of limerence

@Mira-Anastasia Год назад

Thank you for your videos!

@reyramirez6362 Год назад

Sad but true

@LW-wg4ny Год назад

Is it limerance if you can’t stop thinking about someone you had been in a relationship with?

@melaniedoyle2968 Год назад

If they no longer want to be with you, then yes. It's all about obsessing on someone you can't have. Usually, it's not consummated, so obsessing about an ex is a variant, but I think it's pretty close. I'm not a psychologist though, just read a lot about it & have experienced it throughout my life.

@KoolT Год назад

The more narcissistic people get, and they are more THAN ever before, even people with normal childhoods meet narcissistic people bc they are good actors and love bomb.

@YaakovEzraAmiChi 7 месяцев назад

I never knew there was a name for this. I thought I was just a weirdo or a creep. Like obsessive thoughts is something I deal with and have learned to cope with, but the addictive fantasies of finally finding a good person that I can connect with and trust, are a sore point for me. I feel disgusted with myself at times. I mistakenly thought someone was interested, not even sure if the reason was real or not. But she turns out to be taken. Yet I still find nursed thinking k of her a bit. But I like to hope even if she was the kind to cheat, I’d have enough self respect to walk away. I’d hate myself to part of some deception or to be used as some play toy.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing. You're doing the right thing. Nika@TeamFairy

@JamesSavik 6 месяцев назад

Sometimes, when I hear a term, I can't understand it. For example, I hear codependency defined but don't understand it. Same thing with limerence. Isn't that just how people are? When no one wants you, you get used and screwed over until you figure out love isn't for you, and you detach. Sure, it hurts, and it's lonely, but isn't it better than playing a game you just can't win?

@leonstenutz6003 Год назад

False love; Bad love; Limerance; Infatuation; Obsession; Goodness; Badness; Childhood; CPTSD; Crappy Fairy; Lack; Attachment; Neglect; Neediness; Self-Care ...

@KathyvonRudy Год назад

I appreciate you mentioning dr John Sarno, his books and methods are great, I wish more ppl see benefits and follow his advice. It's amazing how our mind works. Thank you 😊

@jenjen2868 Год назад

Great video. This explains a lot. Badly neglected and abused as a child. I been through Limerance once or twice. It's very difficult to overcome. Now that I have found someone who thinks the world of me, and loves me deeply, it makes me very uncomfortable. It turns me off even though I know this is how a real relationship should be. I just don't know how to appreciate it. Any suggestions?

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

I would work on the healing of your inner-child. Have you done therapy for the abuse and neglect. Healthy and loving relationships can be scary or boring to someone who has not worked on their healing. We will attract the narcissists or end up in co-dependent relationships as we seek to earn love from others. So, do the work and don't lose this healthy relationship.

@jenjen2868 Год назад

@@brinselyseven5530Thank you so much for your input. I really appreciate it. I've been to therapy off and on over the years without much improvement. Maybe it's time to find a few therapist. Yes, I will try to hold on to this relationship the best that I can.

@danijelaen Год назад

So helpful thank you

@Frogsituation Год назад

I have feelings for my supervisor but I know that she doesn't have feelings for me, I'm very aware of that (she has never said anything but i get the vibe). I still fantasize about being with her and pretend that she's holding me when I'm lonely. It's sad but it makes me happy, I haven't been this happy in a long time weirdly enough but I know that it's unhealthy. I will probably leave the job soon though

@brinselyseven5530 Год назад

Some people have to leave their job because they cannot go No Contact. Do your best to keep contact down to what you have to speak about. You also have to actively stop fantasizing about her. Because when you are daydreaming about her, your brain releases Dopamine which gives you a high. At some point, the high won't be enough to cover when you feel low with limerence. Think about things that she has done that disappointed you, or angered others, etc. Focus on her negatives as much as you can. This will help you get through limerent recovery, faster. Good luck!

@Frogsituation Год назад

@@brinselyseven5530 Thank you for the advice. I will work on keeping contact down and stopping the fantasies. I have tried seeing her in a bad light, but it's hard; it's something I'll have to put a lot of effort into. Again I appreciate your help!

@belogical3961 Год назад

I feel like getting a horse would make me happy. I'm tired of obsessing over it. Even if it becomes miserable, at least I don't have to be miserable right now just wanting to get one. I could finally move on. 38 years in the making! 🤗

@ruthannalindemeir5496 Год назад

Could you please repeat what the book title the mentioned is? Thank you🌺

@CrappyChildhoodFairy Год назад

Healing Back Pain by John Sarno. -Cara@TeamFairy

@RoadRunnergarage8570 Год назад

I have a lot of back and knee pain.. I wonder if my traumatic past ( Molestation at age 12 by a "friend", Verbal Abuse and Traumatic Brain Injury at age 26.) has something to do with it??