Schizophrenia is not easy, I completely agree. I deal with it on a daily basis. For me, it's constant. It never ends. Meds help, therapy helps, my husband helps, I have a great support group, but within my mind, people don't realize just how affected I still am. It takes a lot of conscious effort to think coherently, to remember a conversation as it is being conversed. I am diagnosed schizoaffective, which is a mixture of schizophrenia and bipolar. I get urges to create videos about my own life as a schizoaffective, but then I get discouraged because I am afraid of backlash. I don't handle criticism well. I feel encouraged when I see others being brave in sharing their lives, showing what their experiences are with any type of mental disorder. I don't like calling it an illness. Especially since there is no cure for what I have. I say disorder, because it translates into being not in order, so to speak. I'm not broken, but there are times I feel like I am. Whenever I watch videos like this one, I feel encouraged, but these videos make me want to cry, too, because they remind me of what I go through, and I'm not fond of what I go through, and so I get teary eyed and uncomfortable. So, you're completely right, it's not easy.
I was diagnosed with mild Schizophrenia and It causes me to act out awkwardly an weird in front of people.You can't tell what is real and what's not but in front of people I am so imbarresed.
There is no need to be embarrassed about something you had or have no control over. It would have been one thing if you meant to do those things but it was apart of your illness. But when you feel like that try this go sit some where, close your eyes and listen to some of your favorite music and breath slowly in thru your nose at out thru your month. That helps me out when I am out of my safe place. I have paranoid schizophrenia and I live my life in a 16 by 12 room most of the time because of my illness.
I have thought about doing that but my internet sucks. but if you would ever like to or need someone to talk to you can can message me here is a link to my Facebook account. facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012635438275
My brother has just turned 30, he was diagnosed at 21- it has been a challenging road, but he has an amazing fighting spirit and always soldiers on. He still has no insight on his illness which makes it all the more difficult and he gets very upset when any talk of schizophrenia gets brought up. So he's constantly stopping and starting meds, I just pray he gains some insight. Keep making these amazing video!! Break the stigma surrounding schizophrenia. Your videos has given me so much understanding and I'm able to share with people who know my brother who sometimes may not be as accepting of his behaviour when he's not well.
That 'Everyone's trying to kill me' delusion is the worst for me, I never stop feeling like that, and when I had my first public major episode (I'd been trying to hide it for fear of being put into an asylum, especially after I Learned about lobotomies.) I just remember hearing one of the voices tell me to run because people near by were going to hurt me, to take me away, and I just booked it. I finally overheated almost a mile away.
The thing you described about being half asleep, half awake and not being able to move sounds like sleep paralysis. I don't have schitzoprenia but I experence sleep paralysis quite often and when I do, I usually hallucinate where I hear voices. And it's really true that it feels real... like, there is no difference between when I hear ppl talk in my head during sleep paralysis and when I hear ppl talk irl. So I can only imagine how it must be to actually live with it constantly.
Man, I agree with you that schizophrenia is really hard, and it's different, for example I suffer from catatonic schizophrenia - I'm stuck in excitement and it's crazy.
Wow, 2 videos in a short time :) ... thanks Jacob, this was very informative. I can assure you that some people who have schizophrenia don't think it's not real, they think it's real, completely incapable to rationalize like you and ignore. I see how you're way better now than you were before when you were on some older medications. Obviously current med really works well for you. I can even say you look and seem really happy. I'm sure your girlfriend is a major contributor to your state as well :) EDIT: BTW, that snow flake falling from your lamp was dust, you're not hallucinating, it's recorded on the video LOL :)
you should give yourself more credit man. you are doing a hell of alot better than most! my sister is so sick she hasn't answered her door to anyone in months ,she pooped in her floor! she talks about these zombies that puke shit and everything is contaminated with hepititis. She in no way would ever be well enouph to even THINK of making a single youtube video much less several! so count your blessings man cause it could always be worse! I could never understand what you are going through personally but i can see how well you are doing compared to alot of sick people and thats something to be proud of ☺
Thank you for sharing your life. I'm the mom of a schizophrenic and you inspire me. I believe you will be awesome in physics and anything else you do. 💫✨ Adam's Mom
My uncle had schizophrenia, thank you for sharing your experience with us. This really helps me understand what kind of things he went through. I wish you the best in your life.
I had a dream years ago that I met this random guy that said he hacked into the government to help them. It took me 2 whole weeks to convince myself that conversation never happened
the dreaming thing you're describing is sleep paralysis, yeah, anyone can have it :) But if you focus and face the fear and you manage to not be afraid you can gain control over it and turn it into a lucid dream or wake up.
you are such a blessing! knowing there is someone with schizophrenia like me out there that is comfortable talking about this is amazing. gives me hope for the future!
You need to read about lucid dreaming!! you were in a lucid state while sleeping/awake. It's something you can practice and enter into at anytime. but it almost sounds like that you were in sleep paralysis. I used to have that as a kid. I would see something dark in the corner of the room and I would try to call for my mom but I couldn't move and couldn't talk.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder four years ago. I have had it my entire life, and since being diagnosed I have been passionate about understanding the disorder, as well as many other fear based mental disorders. I stumbled upon your videos and just wanted to commend you on sharing your experience with your disorder. There are similarities in your symptoms, to my own and I find it easier to deal with the more I learn. I hope you can find some peace in your struggle with this disorder.
Considering you don't know me or my symptoms you cannot speak for me or invalidate my experiences. I also study mental disorders and the core basis of both schizophrenia, anxiety, ocd, and ptsd is FEAR, which makes the core of the disorders similar. Actual documented thoughts and voice recollections of certain schizophrenics matches some of my own experiences astoundingly, but I don't need to justify my comment to you. People like you only stunt the understanding of mental disorders as a whole. On the other topic of you addressing my comment when I was not speaking to you, you can kindly go fuck yourself.
Hypnagogic hallucinations... they happen in the normal population, too. I don't get them as often as I used to. As far as mine go, I told them to bring it on. It's like, it's been 32 years; what could you possibly do that I haven't seen? Do you have sleep paralysis? I used to have it. I enjoy witch lady and dead people. I have seen and experienced so much weird shit. My dad is the same way with sleep disorders. He told the dogs to bring it on. It's like, let's go. Bring it to the curb.
I love skyrim too jacob :DD I'm sorry that you have to go through this,I know how awful it is. I really hope you will get better one day. Oh and I really like your videos, they give one the feeling that u understand one and they are very informative. :) Keep going
That sleep but awake feeling I know I had it when I was sick. Felt like 1 ton rocks were on me and I felt like I was gonna be stuck like that forever. Lasted like 30-60 seconds
You are one brave dude! I clicked on you by accident one day and I kept watching your videos because of how genuine and raw you are. You've given me an incredible new perspective. I find you inspirational, your spirit is unbreakable, and your motives seem pure at heart. I wish you lots of success and happiness.
Did anyone else see the weird little colour films, glitches randomly happening throughout the video? Also, the thing you're experiencing while asleep/awake is probably sleep paralysis. I get it all the time.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with schizoprenia. I am so in love with this guy and I wanted to understand him and the sickness more and more for me to be able to properly deal and be there for him. And also, it helps myself too.
I admire how you push yourself for the better, I know you got a lot of potential, your very passionate ☺ all the best to you, I'll stay updated with your channel. Hope you and your girlfriend are doing the best
i also have schizophrenia, little bit more mild, but not by much, i think you're awesome, you help other people understand, i hope that this gets more attention.
I've ordered the god delusion by Richard Dawkins and some light hearted physics books, also you have inspired me to keep on trying to educate myself and go to school etc, and it's going great so far. Learning things and keeping your brain active gives life a schedule that you can stick to even when you feel like shit, so it's fun because of the things I learn and it also helps keeping me sane. I don't have the exact same problems as you but you've still been a source of inspiration. Good luck with all. Sorry if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes
I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time. Are you receiving help beyond meds like therapy ?if you don't maybe finding someone would help you to go trough this hard time. I'm having a difficult time right now too with my social anxiety and depression I wish you the best. I think the dreams thing is sleep paralysis hallucinations are part of that
I hope you make a video about all your delusions. Elaborating on what kind of superhuman powers you've had. I've had similar experiences, but I swear I've seen them come true in a few senses. There's a world of magic out there, but it's all "voodoo" hoodo type stuff. I think these "superhuman" powers come from quantum electricity that's conducted through the brain (which uses quantum electricity to function). I'd also just like to talk to you, but I'm only one of a couple thousand. I should also mention that I've been having a hard time finding someone who has had similar experiences with schizophrenia as I have. I'm glad that you're here, you really helped me feel less alone.
I want to help you a little on the way with this. This feelings, that someone wants to kill you + all the other ones (I been watching some of your videos now) they are MEMORIES. Its a very big subject to explain, but I believe you will figure this out. When we are tiny babies, trying to grow & understand this world, in what ever environment we are lucky or unlucky to be born into. We can not deal with trauma, threats, just being un-safe, in a any ways. If the people, who are suppose to care for us in every way, are not able, there is no other way for a baby/child to survive, then to suppress reality (there own feelings/experiences), make fantasies, create a feeling of being safe & loved, even if it is false & the reality is totally the opposite. Then we grow up & actually start to create some kind of REAL safety for our self & when that suppressed part of us can feel that, it wants to start to process all the trauma IT was not able to process as a child (its all in the brain, as you know). Drugs will keep suppressing that part of you (those memories & unprocessed feelings), but it will push harder as long as you ignore it. I dont say you should stop with the drugs, cause you need some calm space & sleep, but you need to start listening to this child (not DO what he says) just listening, let him explain, be loving & curious, like you would be to your own beloved child, he will tell you why he feels like everyone wants to kill him, he will show you memories that you "forgot" (+ all the other feelings, sensations that is not understandable right now), when you get through the whole process, lovingly listening, caring, comforting, this particular "voice" or memory, it will not REPLAY again...can you get a picture of what I am describing? Its parts of your self, that was not allowed to exist, that is constantly begging or demanding you to see & hear "him", cause your childhood caretakers, failed to do that. Its a very big topic, I know that, I been healing 1000´s of this memories for years now, it is very hard, but it is possible. Sadly the "world" dont really know what is going on or what to do about this, "normal" people, who has not been through trauma on this level, can not understand this, no matter how much they study, you need the experience it, but no one wish for that. And you are on the right way, it is the stress/fear, that is killing our body, I was dying 15 years ago, I lost body parts, so my life dropped from bad, to extremely bad... I hope this help someone.
I know that it may sound stupid but Im also having paranoid thoughts about everyone wants to kill me , so a way to get rid of them (at least it helps me) its by thinking that if actually someone wanted to kill you, you would be already dead. Im not a schizzofrenic. Actually i've got borderline personality disorder, so ,temporary paranoid thoughts is a usual symptom. Nice video
my mother is schizophrenic and doesn't know that she is ill... I never tried to tell her, because I thought she wouldnt be able to unterstand it and even if she could, she would just take more damage... if she doesnt get her injection, well, the hell is getting started. my childhood wasn't the easiest... do you have any idea what i should do? trying to tell her somehow...? my mother is the most amazing Person I know. so intelligent, different and so lovely. like you. you are such a amazing person and what you're doing is so great! keep going and please never give up, no matter what you are going through! greetings from germany :)
But nearly no one exept me unterstands her. Do most people are very afraid, even in our family. the other kids in my class made many jokes on her, some years ago. and their parents wanted to talk about that in their conferences. well, today I know, what primitive persons they were. fearing things they have no plan about, just talking nasty about the newest shit in their small horizon. but it fucked me really up some years ago
Let me start by saying two things sorry for my poor grammar and that I am not the guy who make these videos. But as you will notice as you grow up, People as a whole are reluctant to learn or accept things they haven't already learned wrong from news and media. But about your mother she like a normal person is unable to see or unable to accept that there might be something wrong with themselves it is even harder on a person with this illness because our delusions are real to us. All I can say is be there for her it is hard on everyone with this illness we are so few but we are seen in such horrible ways but we are still human to, We are just different. But be there for her when she needs help she will come to someone that she trusts just make sure that she knows that you are there for her. But just in case you wonder what my illness is it is paranoid schizophrenia and it cost me everything I held dear before I accepted that something was wrong with me.
TheOneWhoWalksAmongTheDarkness thanks for your commentary:) and don't worry about your english, it's probably better than mine :D I know, what you mean. i had a delusion some years ago, only for 30seconds, but I was so convinced that a demon was talking to me. It was soooo loud!!! a deep and horroble voice of a man, but I didnt understand what He said, it wasn't in a normal language. I'm really not able to imagine what it must be like to suffer of schizophrenia 24/7 and I'm sorry about your illness. and you are so right: every schizophrenic person needs someone who tries to understand him and shows love. but I wasn't able to do that when I was twelve. I just lost my mother I'm very very interested in schizophrenia... would you like to tell me more about the things you are going through...? we could write on skype or Facebook, if you want to :)
I have no problems talking and telling you more about what I have been going thru here is a link to my account. facebook.com/profile.php?id=100012635438275
I don't know will this help: zengonzoism.blogspot.fi/ since the truth is that the person needs to be willing to accept thoughts and if the mind is stubborn, well then there is a problem. I'm just trying to write a short novella on schizophrenia. It's not finished yet, since I must go through it and make vocabulary better and grammar, correct all the mistakes. Also I must put the words to better context because the truth is that many schizophrenics actually understand very well the disease and, well it's no spiritual realms. Haven't posted this writing anywhere, but thought to share it. It's quite long article since it's supposed to be a novella at some point, but feel free to read it if you wish and there are drawbacks to schizophrenia with all the negative symptoms, but if people would be measured through their imagination and inner world, well the crazy would lead the world. I don't know could this help your mother to understand more about it all, but thought to share this with you, and I'm kinda 50/50 will it ever be published, maybe some kind of independent, small book publisher might be interested when it's finished.
I have this skitzo effective and I haven't told my girl yet and I'm so fucking embarrassed to tell her and I drink behind her back to cope with that shit it's hard
I had the same beliefs that I had super powers but as a result of that there were demon like people trying to kill me. I saw that everything balances out. If you throw away super powers then the demons go away too. The universe always maintains perfect balance. Stay grounded closer to the neutral and things settle down. Don't push your mind too far...
I find i put stuff in front of the door as well. Least if they brake in i will kn. Then family member comes in and they r like why and what the?! Lots of people dont understand this illness. Its very draining very scary😬embarrassing emotional rollercoaster. My best to u and thx for helping.
I don't know if I have schizophrenia but I juz always will be walking and if anyone gets close or even about 10 feet behind me I will be paranoid there gonna randomly punch me in the back my head so I will constantly watch my back and I talk to my self alote and I use to hallucinate but now that's gone and i will always think along time about somthing before i do it but I wanna know are these symptoms of it?
I have similar things happening me with seeing people in my room and going out of my house and other things I am diagnosed with schizophrenia I see a therapist every day I take Latuda for it I got really depressed when they told me that I may have this for the rest of my life if there's any hints or tips that you could give me to make my day better please let me know I really want help
I have something similar....Ever since i did LSD its been like this...For me I feel like I am like a God sometimes, that i can hear people's thoughts, that i can control others..etc...sometimes it actually happens...but yea...its weird. You're not alone fam.
I would like to make you a question, what do you think about to hide the illness to the new people you met? I ask that because (it is a long story) i know a man that "simulate" to have schizophrenia, becase "he doesnt want to work" thats what he say,... i dont know how to ask without explain the hole story, but the summary is that this man was lying all the time about that, and im pretty sure he has schizophrenia. So the question is, what do you think about to hide the illness, or what do you think about this people, how could you help them, or what would you say to them? (sorry for my english btw :3)
Hey, I know you don’t know me. I’m 18 years old and I’ve just started dealing with a lot of problems related to schizophrenia and i dont know if you’d be open to this or not, but could we talk. I dont know anyone else in this situation and I wish I could talk to someone dealing with the same problems. I wish I knew somebody who understood. This has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with because I feel like everyday nobody understands what it feels like.
Hi Jacob! is there any way we can contact you via email? I had some realizations that I feel might help you out, as they helped me out immensely. Small things like diet change reducing inflammation (they actually think SCHIZOPHRENIA is an immune disorder that attacks the brain, so limiting foods that cause an immune response can control your symptoms :) its worked wonders for me.) ALSO skyrim is a game that, during peaks of my psychosis I would hear voices screaming at me "Don't play that game!" they wouldn't say "don't play games" but it was like a loving voice warning me not to play too much of it. Looking at a screen for too long can put your mind into an ultra suggestive state called Alpha, which when induced in a waking state without much relaxation, can actually damage the mind, and dull the adrenal response, which is why we feel so lazy and tired after gaming for too much. ALSO skyrim was very significant occult symbol both in its release date, and the actual content it employs. In my experience, being exposed to certain symbols creates a psychotic break like effect or a "popping" sound in my head.
I also think back on a previous video that you did when youtalked about the paranormal. I too have had visual hallucinations, but to me, the feeling that "people" are trying to kill you, is a misinterpretation of evil spirits that are trying to keep you from being too happy...because your consciousness is more strongly connected to other people. everything you do affects everyone else (just entertain this idea, morphic resonance). This girl is also eerily similar to the Samara character, and it could very well be a demon that's trying to disguise itself as a girl to throw you off guard. This BOGGART or bogeyman, just needs a good RIDICULOUS every now and then ;) you do have powers... never forget that Jacob. ALways remember. Always remember.
I was hoping this dude would have helped me to tell all you people who have bad hallucinations that you are being tortured. You need to look at your past and all the wrong, bad and and although you may not realize evil decisions and acts that you all have made in your life then use your utmost mental strength to make your best continuous lifelong effort to correct and make up what you have done. First apologize sincerely to God Almighty alone with no one else but Him, just our one and only true God, God Almighty and understand that you are in a ongoing situation of pinnacle importance to yourselves to archive a cleansing to bring to your eternal judgement. As far as all of your hallucinations go I predict you will experience a turn around if you are not unforgivable. -All the Glory be on to God Almighty forever and ever.
this is exactly on point . just think about this. everything is a matter of perspective in a point where even fucking reality in it s on nature is something debatable and you can see it no body really knows what s out there. so eventually all is left is our inner reality which i guess multiplied by all the living organisms (+ - God) makes the satisfying Objective Reality. What i want to say is that nobody is certain for anything, and that means that paranoia is a global phenomenon. Therefore even if you didn t have schizo- you would experience a bit of paranoia , cause like i said it s a natural instict. So all that s left is self evolution for you. You can do anything you want .see your illness as an extra obstacle but when you achieve to manage it you ll see you are just as normal as everybody else, maybe gifted with a hard but neccessary and if over jumped very powerfull obstacle. at least that s the way i personaly like to see this desease/illness whatever ( i dont even like to call it like this anynore) . take care ! nice vid. be your own s reality hero man.
Thanks you said that perfetcly. He fucking hams it up for the camera so goddam bad. Chalk it up to teenage angst I suppose. I'm 32 and I hear voices too but I don't let it stop me from living my dreams and I definitely don't call myself "disabled" or complain about "my disorder" all the time.
dude detox your body, take liquid iodine for 3 months straight 20 drops in a bottle of water daily and drink it straight...the problem is your body thinks your medication is something common in your body, means your system got used to the dosis, try to cleanse your body and I am pretty sure you'll be fine! It worked out for me but I am not on medication I did it for my workout and iodine is so far the only thing that cleanses your cells deep to the DNA. you'll find it in every vitamin shop! like your videos a lot! my older brother suffers from delusions but the doctors haven't diagnosed him with schizophrenia, he also feels and hears things...he thinks he is send by god and can heal people...I started watching your vlogs to understand my brothers condition. he refuses to take medicatin because he thinks he is fine.
