Secrets About Men (Women Need To Know)-Dr. John Gray 

Thank you for watching and for your comments too! Much appreciated!

Love hearing this coming from a man! Its been a journey for me to be vulnerable, chill out a little and be feminine and not always in miss-independant-I-can-do-it-all mode And I kept complaining why men are intimidated. All this time it was me blocking the whole damn energy lol

We need more men like you. We all need to educate ourselves on healthy relationships.

I often times listen to talk for men to help understand them. I think it's great you're here. It will help improve your relationship.

R’f

Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

Thanks for watching. The great thing is that we as women get more of our needs met when we know how to invite the best in a man, so I see it as a win win! :-)

They are discovering that lots of "warriors" and "hunters" were, in fact, women. I'm rational, my boyfriend"s more sensitive.

@@MichelleMarchantJohnson u

Querida Maritza, thank you for sharing. My wife had a similar experience growing up. She leaned towards me for that emotional safety. However, seeing that she had some emotional issues and also some immaturity issues I purposefully distanced myself in order to help her mature and teach her to be more self reliant and independent in hopes to build her confidence. However, in hindsight, because I eventually I was consistently unavailable emotionally, she became distant and the development of that "love" feeling or connection in her consistently wore down until she eventually separated herself from me emotionally and then physically. She later explained she does not need me because I do not provide anything of value to her. She did express she loved me as a friend but no longer as a husband. I regret not being more compassionate and emotionally available when she seemed to be "needy." I honestly believed she was trying to be manipulative by expressing emotions that did not seemed logical with the realityof the circumstances. However, I later learned that a woman's emotions are her reality, and despite the differences in perspective she NEEDS to be validated to feel safe. I wish I had expressed my love and how much I cared and appreciated her in a way that she understood and could receive it effectively. Learning to communicate with the opposite sex and meet each each others needs is so important for any kind of relationship. I hope I can learn and grow from my experience and someone else can learn from my mistakes. Blessings.

@@consistentbass ❤🙏I am already learning from you. Wishing you a great weekend.

Thanks for watching and for your comment Katherine!

Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

Wow, thank you Jolie! Thanks for watching and for your kind comments too!

Thanks for watching and for comments!

Do you think father in the home is important? My husband and I both grew up mom not dad. Dad not present. Both of us agreed for sake of future children to have both parents, No D-word. 35 years ago we met, truly it was love 1st sight. 9 years to figure us out before we married. 8 years until finally starting family. Babies @ 40 26 years married with 3 kids ages 12 - 18yrs. We are ending our marriage after 10 yrs of bad. This video info is painfully realistic how could prevent the years of pain and unhappiness .

You're so welcome Penny! Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

He explained why women say they don’t need a man. It’s because of hurt, being profoundly let down, being betrayed by men, when they needed them. Many who have been cheated on, left with the children, and had to do school, work, make all the finances work..had to learn to NOT need a man. It’s out of that deep wounding, survival, that a woman determines that. It’s similar to many men who say they are going their own way & don’t want or need women...like MGTOW... they deeply want it...but it’s like what John said here, the Aesop’s fable about the Fox, trying to get the grapes, he couldn’t get them, so proclaimed “I didn’t want them anyways” It’s because of deep disappointment and the pain a person is trying to avoid, that they deny things. Attachment theory goes into it more. I feel deep compassion for people in hay space. Remember, we judge that which we fear or don’t understand.

That's wonderful Devon. Thanks for watching!

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Silvia!

Thanks for watching and for your comments too!

Thanks so much, Lisa. We will keep it up.

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for watching and for your comments too June!

Glad it was helpful Donna! Thanks for watching!

John has entire books and a body of work to teach men, but this channel is for women. Thanks for watching Eliz!

Thanks for watching!

That's not my interpretation of what John said. He just means if you have a pattern of overemphasizing chemistry you have to be careful because chemistry does not necessarily indicate compatibility.

If we are attracted to people who don’t love us, aren’t available... that gives us important information about how we treat ourselves and that we have deep core wounds that need healing. I too attracted mostly dismissive avoidant men (and also in friendships). I’m a healing fearful avoidant. This was revolutionary to me. Identifying the “why” and how to change it has changed my life. When we have trauma or neglect in childhood, our nervous systems are “trained”...they light up when we see something familiar, healthy or not. The Personal Development School RU-vid channel helped me more than any other therapist! I have a long ways to go, but am reprogramming my subconscious patterns, and changing my narratives...feeling more empowered than before. Not ready to date, at all. I’m just healing relationship to my self. Two books that might help too are ‘Come as you are’ and ‘Having Sex, wanting intimacy: why women settle for one sided relationships’. They also changed my life, views. I wish you well 💫

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching and for your comments too June!

thanks for watching and for sharing your comments too Vanessa!

Do you know your attachment style? I would guess fearful avoidant..as the childhood you mention leads to that attachment style. I’m healing from that. I had different dynamics, but definitely early childhood chaos and uncertainty. The Personal Development School is life changing! She has a RU-vid channel too, and I’ve experienced more healing and hope, through finding out things about myself, and how to heal! We develop core wounds, through subconscious programming, conditioning, that happens..and as a result we take those narratives on. We tend to have negative internal dialogues that reflect those core wounds. We often attract people who reaffirm, and reflect, those core wounds back. Until we do the deep work, we often miss it. What feels “familiar” we often mistake for chemistry, or it feeling right. Often it’s only our nervous system lighting up, saying in essence, “I recognize that” “I know that”...and erroneously thinks that’s what we want. When we aren’t taught any different, we don’t know how to get the love, cherishing we deeply want...we go back to what we think we deserve. Often it’s very subconscious. You can learn to reparent yourself. It sounds weird, but it’s a legit concept :) I’m working on it, and healing. I wish you healing, peace, joy, and connectedness to yourself and others 💫💛

Thanks for watching! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thank you so much for your kind words and for watching too!

Thanks for watching Navi!

I didn't expect that at all!

Thanks so much for watching and good luck with finding your guy!

Glad you liked it!!

You're not alone! Many women feel this way! Good luck to you Lorenda and thank you so much for watching!

It was just an example of doing something sweet for your partner. My main love language is WOA and my last act of service but I will still be able to appreciate it

Thanks for watching. Bringing flowers was just an example and many women are moved into the feminine by the beauty and the smell of flowers even if receiving gifts is not their love language.

So you’re saying you wouldn’t appreciate flowers from your man? Lame...

Thank you for watching and for the kind words Liz!

Thank you so much!! We appreciate you watching and your comment too!

Thanks for watching and for your comment Caroll! Take good care!

I am a traditional woman of faith, too, and am waiting for marriage, too. Here is to keeping hope alive that God will give us the right man who respects this standard and if he has it also for his own life; that is even better. 🙏🙏🙏

@@JM-yf5rt Amen my sister in Christ! 🙏🙏🙏

Me too Becca!

Dan bacon?

Let him know you believe in him and his ability to work things out, be happy yourself and give him positive feedback to encourage the positive things he does. Men have a need to feel competent. Thanks for watching and take care.

Thank you for watching and for your kind comments too Lenka!

I agree Dani and I think John really meant we have some similar instincts as animals, even though that is not quite how he said it! :-)

@@MichelleMarchantJohnson Thank you. Your content has certainly helped me. I'm over 50 and used to be ignorant about men. Now... I may be getting married to a fantastic man. Pray for our marriage! Love you!

@@danilaroche1156 That is wonderful news to hear! I pray things will go beautifully for you! Thanks for watching and for your kind words too! xo

You must not have heard him say it's natural for older women to have less estrogen, but they still have enough to experience normal health loving emotions

Our hormones can cause all kinds of crazy tricks on us yet John does say women in menopause, etc. can still have loving relationships. Thanks for watching Cathy!

just ask

When he asks you to be his girlfriend or tells you he wants you to be his girlfriend

He proposes

An “invisible relationship” isn’t a relationship, Too often women will assume a relationship exists, where one doesn’t. You have to ask. State your needs, boundaries, clearly and empowered. Either he can respond, or not! If it matches what you’re looking for, fine...if not, move on. Communication is imperative in relationships. If you don’t even have that door accessed...there’s no way anything else can happen.

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Sara!

Thanks for watching Kam!

Michelle Marchant Johnson Good times.

Thanks for watching!

Hi Diana and thanks for watching! Reading the original book would be a great place to start and I would suggest you read that first. Take care!

That sounds painful Jeannette. I hope things improve in your relationship. Thanks for watching.

Sounds very toxic and unloving. I hope you can speak with a therapist who can help you. The Personal Development School is a great channel and Therapy in a Nutshell, for the meanwhile. You deserve kindness, love and acceptance...starting with relationship to self.

So many women don’t understand that sexual accessibility equals sexual relationship balance.

Didn't know sex is that important to men tbh

Glad his book helped you James. Thanks for watching.

@@jamesjacobs3675 too many men don’t realize that emotional intelligence, and availability...= greater interest (and pleasure) in sex for a woman.

@@jamesjacobs3675 maybe ‘come as you are’ would be a great next book. The best book on female sexuality (and the men who have read it, said they had no idea...minds blown), I’ve read...and I’ve been in medicine for decades.

Thanks for watching Brett and for your comments too!

Thanks so much for watching and for your comment too! Glad you are enjoying the interviews with John!

Thank you for watching and for your comments too!

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Cori! Self love if definitely important!

Welcome! Thanks for watching and for your comment too!

There are men out these who want a woman who wants what you do. Thanks for watching.

Make sure this is really what you want...and not just conditioning from parents and your environment. I’ve known women who didn’t truly know themselves and just took on the narratives handed down, without truly owning the beliefs (and the why’s) for themselves. Some women have “woken up” in the marriage and sometimes realized that the criteria they were taught to focus on, doesn’t align with who they truly realized they are. If you’ve done that deep dive into your subconscious, great. If not, please consider it. It could at least help increase your self awareness..and could potentially prevent some heartbreak and disappointment.

@@MichelleMarchantJohnson I sure wish one would walk into my life. 😊

@@Alphacentauri819 Agreed. I'm no spring chicken, so to speak. 😂 But I've prayed for many years about it and know I don't care to have a "worldly" career. I hunger to be a wife as well as a mother. To tend to the house but also have a man who does the "manly" chores. I also want a good Catholic who we will pray together and help get to heaven. I also wrote a list of retirements that I want. Besides sharing my faith, I want him to be a good provider, good communicator and about 75 other things including not addicted to porn. Etc. But I know God knows what is best and if he hasn't brought us together yet then either we have more purification to go or it's not His will. Well, thanks for your comment. 😄

@@cj7girl280 I’m a grandmother & was raised strict Christian. One of my friends saved herself for marriage, as did her husband. They ended up having two kids, her at home...he did end up into porn (it’s an epidemic) and she has been riddled with anxiety. My situation was a bit different, but also ex’s porn use ruined our relationship..at least made me feel so horrible and sad (I already had some self esteem issues). Anyways, I hope you can have your dream, if that’s what you’ve really given good thought too. We are all different. I’m so much happier on my own. I do have my kids and one grandchild... but I wanted a committed husband (at one time I did anyways) and 2-4 kids, happy family... but it didn’t turn out that way. A lot of loneliness, heartache. I’m less lonely on my own. May you be blessed.

Thanks, Milagro. Glad you enjoyed it.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks for watching Annette. From my perspective, the more important question than why a man would do this is for you to ask yourself what is right and best for you to do in this situation. You then make your decisions based on what is wise for you rather than based on what he is doing. Thanks for watching and good luck too.

Wounding. They are wounded, unhealthy. A man has to get the message as well. Have you been forthright about your boundaries... iex , something like, “you are married, I don’t want to be with you.” “You were abusive, it’s not safe to be with you” “Leave me alone” . Then block him. You allow other, or you don’t. Most of the time. If you’ve given confusing feedback, a man doesn’t get the message. Own your message, advocate for you. Demand better for yourself. If you had childhood trauma or neglect, that’s a huge factor. Attachment theory explains this. You can heal.

Go take a trip- put space between you - this is not attractive to a man- give him the space to be a man with the boys..go dancing with your girls! Do feminine things

Look into attachment styles. Dismissive avoidant people label needs as “needy” often. Has to do with when they were children, their needs were often dismissed, ignored. What we didn’t receive, we don’t give (or at least not well, at all). The Personal Development School has great info on attachment styles and relationships. Hope you can find the validation, acceptance and love for yourself...and then you’ll attract others who will reflect that back. Blessings 💫

Thanks for watching Hoili!

Thanks so much for watching and for your kind words too! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Show and speak your appreciation for it. And also acknowledge your appreciation for anything you else even if it's off the topic...it's the same vibration and it will be revealed to you. Check out Abraham Hicks.

❤

Verbally!! I appreciate verbal gratitude above all else. What is your love language? What is theirs? Do they want a relationship?

John's books go in great detail on this. There is also info on his website too!

You need to set your boundaries hun ❤️ you gotta put yourself first. What you wrote sounds very similar to my experience and myself. He’s got to respect your need for space, don’t let him make demands. That’s very feminine of him to do so. If you are out of alignment with yourself and needs and wants, you will be in the relationship and there will be continuous conflicts. Have a nice chat with him, tell him how you feel and come to a compromise. Hope you don’t mind my 2 cents here, just pulled at my heart ❤️ much love to you x

@@amyedits_ thank you 🙏🏻 for your advice, I am going to have a big tchat with him, again, and set my boundaries firmly

@@cosmospray 100% agree with amy above.. boundaries! Everything in your comment says all the ways you’re trying to please him...but it goes against YOU & what you want! That’s self rejection. That’s how we treat others to treat us. If we don’t value ourselves enough to advocate for our needs and boundaries...neither will others. The Personal Development School has changed my life, when I realized I was a fearful avoidant...my core wounds and WHY I attracted (and was attracted to) the guys I had been with. Revolutionary. She has a RU-vid channel, that’s where I started. Find out your attachment style. Check out some of her videos on boundaries. Hope you connect to, and love and accept YOU 💛💫

@@Alphacentauri819 thank you for your advice! I sat my bundaries firmly again, and again, and more and more firmly but he wouldn't hear me and we had continuous conflicts and endless conversations, he sometimes accepted compromises because he was too afraid to loose me but he came back to his old habits everytime, i left him, tired of being guilt triped and blackmailed. You are totally right, and I already follow the attachement style community and it helps me to accept my wounds and vulnerability (the work isn't finished). Thank you very much 🙏🏻🤍

@@cosmospray 💛💫

Thanks for watching and for your comments too Cori!

@@MichelleMarchantJohnson Thank you for collaborating with Dr Gray to bring forth these empowering teachings to us all. May Gods bring you and your family safety, health and happiness😇🙏🥳

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Lovely Lilly! :-)

Maybe The Personal Development School can help? She has a RU-vid channel. I found out my attachment style and why I attracted the people I do. It helps with communication, and SO much more. It’s changed my life. At least you’ll have tools to state your needs and boundaries, advocate for yourself. Also, there are other great resources for betrayed spouses. That topic specifically. I hope you experience healing and peace

Thanks for watching and for your comment too Hoili!

Thanks for watching!

There are many, many shorter clips on my channel Nassime. Some people like the full interview and then we also do clips. Take care!

Thanks for watching Laura and for your kind comments too!

Glad you enjoyed it! thanks for watching and for leaving a comment too Jean!

Thanks so much for watching Lauri and for your kind words too!

Thanks for watching Heather-Anne and for your comments too!

You are wise. Don’t tell too much before you know the person really well.

Thanks for listening Tiffany!