Тёмный

self-criticism 

Matthias J Barker
Подписаться 134 тыс.
Просмотров 44 тыс.
50% 1

The interplay of shame and self-criticism and how to find freedom. Ideas drawn from Compassion Focused Therapy.

Опубликовано:

 

29 сен 2024

Поделиться:

Ссылка:

Скачать:

Готовим ссылку...

Добавить в:

Мой плейлист
Посмотреть позже
Комментарии : 160   
@cameronmaners2828
@cameronmaners2828 3 года назад
dude a podcast would be a game changer
@rachelmartin3102
@rachelmartin3102 3 года назад
Yasss!!!! 🧐👏🏼
@oliviajae298
@oliviajae298 3 года назад
Yep. I have already put Mr. Barker on my list of folks I would love to interview.
@RianeHoliday
@RianeHoliday 3 года назад
Yes please!!!
@bee-potato
@bee-potato 3 года назад
Pleaseeeeee do a podcast
@Maddy-xq3yg
@Maddy-xq3yg 3 года назад
I was just about to comment this!!!!!
@robinbouchard4643
@robinbouchard4643 2 года назад
Wow just wow. Grateful to hear these words of wisdom shared… ♥️
@kylamccormick8641
@kylamccormick8641 3 года назад
I'm becoming a counselor now, and this is helping me so much♡ peer support for peer support. Thank you. Please don't stop making these videos!
@iloveterriblevideos7
@iloveterriblevideos7 3 года назад
Would you ever consider doing tele-therapy? Zoom sessions? I would sign up for that in a half a heartbeat. Please let me know if that would be possible to be able to talk to you.
@johnnypixel3763
@johnnypixel3763 3 года назад
I second this!
@roxannerobes
@roxannerobes 3 года назад
Third!
@ashlynwalters1583
@ashlynwalters1583 3 года назад
i also would love to do tele-therapy with him, i feel oddly safe watching his videos
@iloveterriblevideos7
@iloveterriblevideos7 3 года назад
You can’t fake authenticity. He’s fantastic
@HibaAydeed
@HibaAydeed 3 года назад
true right. I was happy for him but also slightly sad that he’s so over booked as a therapist as well.
@amaliamoodie1014
@amaliamoodie1014 2 года назад
WOW...this made so much sense, especially the part about halfway through when you said .. "The actions that the shame inspires actually create more shame" and explained this so simply "The fear that I have is propelling me to act in a certain way that's bringing about the thing I fear" If only you were in the UK 🙏
@atukunda9028
@atukunda9028 6 месяцев назад
@matthias, God bless you for your wisdom
@Thecreativedad13
@Thecreativedad13 3 года назад
My wife, sweetness most tender woman ever...and I were just sitting on the couch and she had just had a melt down because of trying to pick out food for our weight watchers and she asked me why is it I’m afraid of failing and so hard on myself. It can really bring her down. And I said wait Matthias has talked about this. I came right to this video and got to the part about how self-criticism is trying to protect you from shame. She immediately cried. She’s said that’s it. Thanks for helping us generate some conversation. It breaks my heart when she does this to herself.
@MichaelMersola
@MichaelMersola 3 года назад
You are amazing your gift is your compassion, the tone you speak with and your feelings are truly genuine. I’m glad I found you. What you have to say is very inspiring and healing. Thank you.
@Zoozy77
@Zoozy77 2 года назад
Thank you so much Mathias. I was meant to hear this today.
@lisax23
@lisax23 2 месяца назад
You are great at this 👏 explaining this
@zoocko121
@zoocko121 3 года назад
Unlike self-critiques I am too nice to myself. As a child, I was made fun of a lot and had low self-esteem, and to cope with that I developed major narcissistic habits. it would be cool if you made a video of some sort explaining coping mechanisms for depression, stress, anxiety, or narcism. Love the channel!
@saadmansakib1874
@saadmansakib1874 3 года назад
You englighted the real thing inside , thanks man ❤️
@bryce_hughes8493
@bryce_hughes8493 3 года назад
You are amazing
@virginiadejournett5759
@virginiadejournett5759 3 года назад
Thank you for posting this. I came here from tiktok following you and am glad I did.
@taylorlevix2994
@taylorlevix2994 3 года назад
I struggle with self criticism every day. Only people who see my self criticism is the people I feel I rely on most. My parents and family don't see it. Id love to have you as my therapist. You seem very calming.
@toothfairy6518
@toothfairy6518 3 года назад
I say this with as little exaggeration as I hope to convey: This is among the most relatable videos I have watched.Thank you so much. I hope you have a nice day.
@dkmtl8643
@dkmtl8643 3 года назад
wow! thank u for your videos!
@abrahambaker5085
@abrahambaker5085 3 года назад
Wow this is what I live with every day. I’ve never heard it said out loud.
@FastLaura65
@FastLaura65 3 года назад
I am my own worst enemy . I’m always feeling not good enough for anything.
@brandongreen3077
@brandongreen3077 Год назад
Mathis Barker I understand you have a life and family work and many other things I am unaware of. But, I need your compassionately thoughtful mind to help me. Internal family systems.. I am determined to get your attention and I won't stop until there is no more trauma. I think I will be a easy Case. Even though my entire life has been a non stop event. I'm aware and I just lost my girlfriend and the love of my life. Because I can't act right. There is nothing like wanting to be a certain way.. And can't.. Even losing your best friend... Because you can't act how you want to..
@SilinaAlvarado
@SilinaAlvarado Год назад
I know self criticism very well
@alieb1863
@alieb1863 3 года назад
Thank you 💛
@rapidpulsing4418
@rapidpulsing4418 3 года назад
I’m gonna fight whoever disliked this video
@notparis8955
@notparis8955 3 года назад
Pls start a podcast
@fran2605
@fran2605 3 года назад
Uma pena não ter legendas em outras línguas! ❤️
@nickwilliams6187
@nickwilliams6187 3 года назад
Please be my therapist
@joegialluca2771
@joegialluca2771 3 года назад
10:16 based in what now? 🤨
@bunnyoncloud
@bunnyoncloud 2 месяца назад
Are u an infj?
@anzkk299
@anzkk299 3 года назад
I’ve literally just cried about not knowing what I want to do with my future and my ability to pursue a career in my degree an hour ago
@deborahshouse2297
@deborahshouse2297 3 года назад
Me too everyday
@BLHomestead
@BLHomestead 3 года назад
43 and still there. I hope you get that direction that fulfills you!
@elizabeth6134
@elizabeth6134 3 года назад
I feel as though you speak directly at me sometimes, as odd as that sounds. In fact, this video really meant a lot because I’ve thought about becoming a therapist for a long time, but every time I seriously consider the idea I talk myself out of it, just like you did. It really inspires me to see that you overcame that self doubt.
@briannaparker2208
@briannaparker2208 3 года назад
I need you as my therpaist. I've never listened to someone who has made this much of an impact on me in 16 minutes.
@BLHomestead
@BLHomestead 3 года назад
Absolutely agree!
@sammytay2204
@sammytay2204 3 года назад
I have been struggling with self-criticism ever since I can remember. It's gotten to a point where it is crippling and stops me from living. This video lead me to tears and opened my eyes to a lot of the roots of my shame and self-criticism. Thank you for this.
@fcsfan2012
@fcsfan2012 3 месяца назад
I have struggled so much with this ! I need to show compassion to others and myself.
@fcsfan2012
@fcsfan2012 3 месяца назад
Yes it's so crippling ! Thanks for sharing this !
@jordanarmstrong585
@jordanarmstrong585 3 года назад
'Treat yourself like you treat someone you love. Thats how you achieve self love'❤
@zeldaguy32
@zeldaguy32 3 года назад
Hey you...I'm glad you exist.
@amygordon7149
@amygordon7149 3 года назад
You have such a presence about you that I can't explain This is your calling from God. You will change so many lives so desperately needing it. Be proud. You are amazing!
@DerpyGrump
@DerpyGrump 4 месяца назад
“Hey it’s okay, you matter. Like you can do this. Like this is really hard, and you’re figuring it out and there’s pieces here that you don’t have a full grasp of yet, but you’re learning and you’re trying, and if you keep pressing on, there’s hope.” I could feel the twitching in my muscles when you were saying this. Had to write it down for myself, whether I keep it in the notes on my phone, or I print a sheet with this on it. I doubted it, yet it hit home.
@nolantegge9892
@nolantegge9892 3 года назад
This is something that both my girlfriend and I struggle with. The things I’ve taken away from this video and many of your others are life-changing. I am going to take these lessons and use them to better myself and our relationship. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all that you do.
@kittiemarie1235
@kittiemarie1235 3 года назад
I never really hit the bell for many channels but I did for this channel. Because I feel like we're having a one-on-one conversation with someone who just loves people and is learning to love themselves too. This is beautiful, and keep going! This is so inspiring and I need something like this often because it's so inspirational.
@cingfx9751
@cingfx9751 Год назад
I think that self-criticism is what limits me in life, it is the biggest problem in my life, hell. I remember when I was young and I apply this self-criticism to everything I say and do. This is why people enjoy life and I am stuck in my head. I criticize everything I do and say it as if people are gods and I am their slave. But now I understand that life is short To criticize yourself for everything
@nekojuan8260
@nekojuan8260 3 года назад
Idk why we need to suffer like this 😓 And i found out that im a prisoner. Not in reality. But MENTALLY! i couldn't imagine that life is so complicated when you get more older. And you will act like nothing is wrong with you. I might call my self a great actor. Even though my human body is not healthy anymore. And my spirit/soul is cheering me up for not giving up in life. And its still working! PS: my self criticism is working also while im writing this. And it took me a half of an hour before its done. Asd!
@maryadams4731
@maryadams4731 4 дня назад
You are my absolute favorite therapist. You are encouraging and spot on. Thank you for being you!!
@myridean2k4
@myridean2k4 Месяц назад
I LOL'd! 😊 Not only was your answer re: your specialty funny; it's valid. While doing an internship at the Dept. Of Justice, I was brought on as part of a federal initiative on crime prevention through social development (CPTSD) where we tried to help communities address the root causes of crime (poverty, addiction, abuse, etc) by setting up initiatives focusing on youth, women and Indigenous Peoples. Super villains have been in the system and they are resistant to treatment or starting their path to rehabilitation by developing empathy, regulating emotions, forming attachments, etc. Btw, I just got your motivation journal. Thank you! Thank you for this vlog too. It gave me some food for thought.
@BLHomestead
@BLHomestead 3 года назад
Sir this absolutely brought me to tears! The last part is what I’m severely struggling with! No support! So it is bringing on severe doubt. Married 18 years 3 kids and no support structure. Severe depression and can’t figure out why. Ugh. Thank you for your content sir. I truly felt you were talking to my soul on this! 🙏🙏🙏
@brendapeterson7039
@brendapeterson7039 7 месяцев назад
If you struggled with academics it may be because your more right brained (if that’s still a thing) because your more empathetic, practical and thoughtful where the rubber meets the road. I never thought about this before but perhaps A students are more left brained. In your profession you need that right brained sphere to excel in your profession the rest is your life. So maybe the grades don’t matter as much as you learning what you don’t know to ADD to your natural gifting? We need those lifer brained engineers to build our planes and such but we need empathy when it comes to humans. Your so so good and you speak right into the camera that has got to feel weird but it looks like it’s not there. It looks like your talking to us! Your perfect at what your gifting are. The academic part is to get you where you need to go. I know ppl wear academics as a badge but it’s all meant to teach you what you don’t know.
@menda1210
@menda1210 2 года назад
Enlightening, as always. I swear, your brain works so much like mine in terms of where our insecurities are and our way we articulate words. This is perhaps more insightful and "seeing ME" than the last 6 months of bimonthly psychotherapy, DBT and medication. (Not to say those aren't still needed, but there's something about your mind that always connects the dots.) Thank you. Please know your insecurities are what help me. So whether your intentions to be good at one particular thing were achieved or not, you are still sowing seeds of benefit in others regardless. I'm others. 😂
@m7tscircus
@m7tscircus Год назад
i know i needed to watch it because my self-criticism takes control of my thoughts when im not distracted (thats why always distracted) so when i did something i didnt do for a long time (because of my self-criticism) whichs writing a jornal, it came a lot stronger, it triggered me just like 5 years ago. i cried a lot because i feel an horrible sensation and fear and a belly pain. this is making me crazy the first thing you said about no one laughing also happened to me when i was 10, it was horrible😢
@janetbenjamin2561
@janetbenjamin2561 3 года назад
You should totally study poly vagal theory! You will be amazed at self criticism is from sympathetic nervous system and self compassion is from ventral vagal system!!
@darrellolsen1204
@darrellolsen1204 3 года назад
Excellent video, I've just subscribed, thank you 🤝
@tracisettles821
@tracisettles821 3 года назад
This was really helpful, thank you sharing your experience and the suggestions for changing that negative inner critic self talk. 👍👍👍🥰
@georgiapeach7291
@georgiapeach7291 3 года назад
Thank you for sharing this. It givese a lot of feedback to think about. I love the way you explained it. 😁❤️
@thedaveko
@thedaveko 3 года назад
for such a deep video, i have a silly technical question... what are you using to shoot your videos? it's gorgeous lit and shot. and don't tell me iphone. thanks!
@ckirtley9
@ckirtley9 3 года назад
My self criticism has manifested into full blown self hatred and I can’t seem to conquer it. I feel like I’m drowning. I see not one thing positive about myself. 😭
@etiennebroodryk2679
@etiennebroodryk2679 3 года назад
I loved your advice, thank you so much. I would love if you could make a video on INFJ personality types and how we can understand ourselves.
@abelgebremichael8344
@abelgebremichael8344 2 года назад
ya u are right. Being rational always work. The other problem I see is we fall in a slippery slop worrying abt wht kind of result that our actions cause. Playing different scenarios in our head without any evidence of that happening.
@Ccstars47
@Ccstars47 3 года назад
This is definitely my comfort video when I find myself snowballing into anxiety, worry, and self criticism, it helps calm me down
@conniebuehner8651
@conniebuehner8651 3 года назад
My one thought of you when watching your videos on tik tok was how smart you are. But I have always been insecure in my intelligence as well. I get it.
@roamandraising
@roamandraising 3 года назад
Can you do some of your longer videos on RU-vid with the music you use on Tiktok? So calming!
@lifewiththelaws1241
@lifewiththelaws1241 3 года назад
Thank you! I love your videos! Sometimes it feels like you are talking directly to me💗
@artfullyprompt
@artfullyprompt 7 месяцев назад
Don't ever change, you are incredible in your every aspect, I'd love to see you and brene together
@deborahhendricks2997
@deborahhendricks2997 3 года назад
Love these videos! The part I’m taking away is “sawing off the branch you’re sitting on”. Oh how I can do that. It’s slow and damaging, and to recognize it was an ah-ha moment.
@anyellopez1143
@anyellopez1143 3 года назад
I hope you come across my comment just want to say I’m so glad I came across your page and would like to ask if you ever do virtual meetings I would love to have a session with you
@awplex5798
@awplex5798 3 года назад
Your videos are extremely helpful. I find myself relating my experiences and seeking ways to cope or to ease out of my tense emotions. I strongly encourage you to keep doing what you do, because you’re not just changing my life, but so many others, and that’s a gift. I appreciate you!
@matthewsnodgrass2397
@matthewsnodgrass2397 3 года назад
Love your stuff man. So encouraging, keep it up!
@alorahwilds
@alorahwilds 3 года назад
You saying there is hope has had me crying non stop. I have felt like there is just no hope for so long.
@mar-leighsagonzalez2651
@mar-leighsagonzalez2651 3 года назад
Your videos are life changing. Thank you!
@snups4145
@snups4145 3 года назад
after watching this, i got sleepy, is that normal? x)
@christineallen2709
@christineallen2709 3 года назад
You are an amazing soul. I absolutely find you so relatable and compassionate and real. You just got a life long fan.
@HibaAydeed
@HibaAydeed 3 года назад
You’re providing us with exactly what we all need right now ❤️
@caoimhem4676
@caoimhem4676 3 года назад
I am just mesmerised by your videos, they are SO helpful thank you!
@serenanorris7251
@serenanorris7251 3 месяца назад
With the context, I found the joke funny .
@MissAmberlee1
@MissAmberlee1 2 года назад
This is immensely useful. Thank you Matthias
@yellowsubmarine01
@yellowsubmarine01 3 года назад
I recently did an exam and did great - but not as great as I wanted to. The exam is quite difficult so most people would look at it and compliment my results, but I can't. In fact, I am ashamed of it so I didn't tell anyone. I started beating myself up and ended up with a lancinating pain in my head. That has been going on for a while and I got so fed up with it. I came across your video on my youtube homepage and I related to you so bad. My self-criticism when it comes to my academical achievements is so harsh it makes me more and more depressed and incapable of moving on. This really helped me see through the traumas I carry with me and also how I am holding myself back instead of pushing forward. I guess I have a long way to go, but hopefully I will get out of this. Thank you, this video is amazing!
@yellowsubmarine01
@yellowsubmarine01 3 года назад
I apologize for any possible grammar mistakes! English is not my first language :)
@ashleychong1249
@ashleychong1249 3 года назад
can you do a video about self-esteem??
@therealbacaboo
@therealbacaboo 3 года назад
Subscribed. ✊❤️🇺🇸
@StevenMartinGuitar
@StevenMartinGuitar 2 года назад
More long form content would be great to see!
@leahvirginia919
@leahvirginia919 3 года назад
You're fking brilliant
@therealbacaboo
@therealbacaboo 3 года назад
Dope video!! Thank you!
@emoryoakley8922
@emoryoakley8922 3 года назад
I seriously needed this today.
@joshwilson777
@joshwilson777 3 года назад
This was a wonderful video! I am going to see my therapist tomorrow and self criticism is definitely gonna be my topic of discussion.
@CoziCozette
@CoziCozette 2 года назад
Amazing!!!!! Thank you 🙂
@kktsunami5966
@kktsunami5966 3 года назад
You just described me to a T.
@libradarogel4023
@libradarogel4023 3 года назад
really does help thank u 🤍
@kavya914
@kavya914 3 месяца назад
🥺❤️❤️❤️ Thank you
@abbieh1979
@abbieh1979 3 года назад
i struggle with a lot of self hate trauma anxiety and depression and you just make me feel so safe🥺😕
@marisasanchez7102
@marisasanchez7102 3 года назад
Thank you for these tips. I really needed to hear this.
@deleteme4043
@deleteme4043 3 года назад
Your amazing x
@sikwamkelemaphango7578
@sikwamkelemaphango7578 3 года назад
Thank You 🙂💓
@precisionsoundworksstudio
@precisionsoundworksstudio 8 месяцев назад
So good.
@Gueni38
@Gueni38 3 года назад
Thank you
@lindsaymarr5275
@lindsaymarr5275 3 года назад
Thank you
@simply_felix
@simply_felix 3 года назад
AMAZING!!! Thank you does not begin to address how thankful I am.. but Thank you!!
@elizabethharris6034
@elizabethharris6034 3 года назад
Your voice is so soothing. I could listen to you all the time to calm down. Or when I need to cry. Please make more
@jerriedean9741
@jerriedean9741 3 года назад
Thanks, you helped me realize what the self-criticism was doing to me.
@jordanarmstrong585
@jordanarmstrong585 3 года назад
I've been having problems of mostly everything I have heard you say so far, but up until now, I thought I was on my own to figure them out. I've been watching your videos for 2 days and already, it is like a weight I've been carrying has been lifted off of me. This is probably weird since there is so many yt channels out there, but I can never relate. As you said, some people don't realize their problem/s or admit them, so by telling us your experiences, it makes me understand that the extent of my issue, that it is okay, and that there's ways to help. I have troubles sleeping due to imposing thoughts, but also because my mind is hyperactive and my body is heavy/ tired. Thanks so much for you dedication on helping others. You're a real superhero 🦸‍♂️❤😙
@johnnypixel3763
@johnnypixel3763 3 года назад
I needed to watch this today. Thank you.
@nancyciccia344
@nancyciccia344 3 года назад
Thank you so much for sharing. I can definitely relate. It’s so difficult to change that thought process. My conscious mind knows the difference but my subconscious tends to over power. One day at a time!!!
@avathemis9878
@avathemis9878 Год назад
Thank you for sharing so honestly. I have a vicious inner critic, which attacks most of all about the ways I try to prove that I am worthwhile. I had never heard my behavior described so accurately by another person.
@bethlanglois9361
@bethlanglois9361 3 года назад
You’re brilliant and I think you’re an enfp- the type that understands the impact of a story’s narrative on the masses more than any other type and also who motivates and nurtures potential in people by offering them possibilities of what they could want and where the could go and where it’s actually good and valuable for them to go 💕🙏👍 God Bless
@toavs3977
@toavs3977 3 года назад
As someone who has attempted 4 times and gone to therapy for suicidal depression. The sentiment that "Giving up is a more reasonable conclusion that trying harder." Is a more relevant and personally valuable understanding to have. Not that it is true, but through the recognition that you view life that way you can understand why it is wrong and grow.
@GetBigga
@GetBigga 3 года назад
You are NOT just another guy. You are so welcoming and anyone watching this feels warmth and feel better after watching you. You should do a podcast and just talk about life with like minded people.
Далее
forgiving your parents
19:11
Просмотров 59 тыс.
motivation & trauma
20:02
Просмотров 36 тыс.
КАК БОМЖУ ЗАРАБОТАТЬ НА ТАЧКУ
1:36:32
How to Overcome Self Criticism | A Monk's Perspective
17:35
marital conflict
22:46
Просмотров 51 тыс.
boundaries
13:41
Просмотров 25 тыс.
motivation and childhood dreams
11:45
Просмотров 6 тыс.
relationship myths
12:34
Просмотров 29 тыс.
healing childhood trauma
18:20
Просмотров 76 тыс.