Self-Esteem: How It Changes And 2 Ways to Boost It 

A famous drag queen once said. Self esteem is gained through doing esteemable acts (Katya). This line changed my life. Just doing those simple things like calling your Mother, making your house tidy, taking time out to play with a pet.

maybe that's why my self esteem has been improving, instead of feeling bad about myself or jealous when I see someone that's good at a certain task, I admire them for it and try to adapt and/or emulate said quality in me, it has helped me become a better person for sure.

Aside of the consistent quality contents, can we also appreciate Dr. Marks' consistently amusing thumbnails? Hope you guys accidentally remember something that make you smile today!

My sister has been doing “I am “ positive affirmations with my niece since she was a baby. As strange as that was to me, I can now understand the importance of building up a child’s self esteem from an early age.

Focusing on other people's strengths to boost your own self-esteem seems like an often overlooked (or counterintuitive) but powerful way to improve how you view yourself. So interesting!! And it also makes you become more social in nature which can provide a good support network instead of going down the route of self-isolation which is common when people are experiencing challenges with their self-esteem

Puberty was the worst time for me. I was awkward, called the ugly girl. Started my period, always felt too fat, had an eating disorder. All with an alcoholic mom. Definitely took at a decade or so to find my self worth.

I just can't get enough of the content you make Tracey.. it has helped me in ways not even my therapist could ever do.

My self esteem was very poor due to emotional neglect and sexual abuse as a child. It was not until my late 20s , early 30s That I really worked on it . Learning to love myself in a healthy way really helped in building better relationships . My self esteem still fluctuates but I'm okay with that.

My childhood and early adulthood was hell. Not a single friend or anyone to trust. Highly abusive and it wasn't until I hit my mid-20s that I realised that what I suffered was not normal. I thought it was normal as I had no reference point.

I am glad you exist

I suffered from a debilitating form of low self esteem, from the age of 7-30. Deep feelings of worthlessness, sorrow, ugliness etc. this came from my life experiences. However, as I got older I began to realize my power and see my value. I realized that while I was suffering I making myself worst than it had to be. Once I noticed my strengths and started taking care of myself things got better. Thanks for listening yall lol JussJess

I'm 51 and I've never had good self esteem. I truly want to feel confident and am always working on it. My mother also has low self esteem

Early blows to one's self esteem can last a lifetime. During my adolescence I was told that I had developed lumbar scoliosis. As I got older it really started to manifest itself. One day another child pointed me out and called me "funny made", I was so embarrassed. Needless to say, I never recovered from that remark. It followed me to college where I refused to participate in freshman p. e. classes because was afraid to undress in front of others I received an F for the course which dropped my overall GPA to 3.5. I was reluctant to approach girls for fear of being rejected. I never got married. Presently at 70 years old I am still embarrassed by those early memories.

I always tell myself that no matter what, God loves me and I am good enough for Him. That's all that matters.

Social factors like media and kids being mean, bullying really plays a role. My elementary years still kinda haunt me.

Had extremely low self esteem as a teenager, and it's only been going uphill since adulthood through therapy and support (to the point that now I have good self esteem, although it is a little fragile and easily influenced) , however I still get extremely uncomfortable from getting compliments. I've learned to accept compliments and not downplay them and accept them at a surface level, but I still get this inherent physical discomfort from getting compliments, I wonder if that will ever change.

Bullying during my school years wrecked my brain. Here I am.. A 28 year old, unemployed, depressed woman with very low self-esteem.

How to boost your self-esteem? 1) 5:30 recognise and utilise your strengths 7:04 develop a plan to use your strengths 7:50 recognise it in others so you become sensitive to the same in you too 2) 9:27 learn to accept compliments

Hey there Doc, Im going to show my daughter this video. Shes 14 and thinks shes ugly,, low self worth, etc. As gorgeous as she is, I dont understand why she doesnt see her inner and physical beauty. Im working with the baby in boosting her self esteem. 14 is a rough age.

So valuable! I learn something from you EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

great information! As a kid/teen I was bullied for being gay (back in the 70s). I still struggle with my level of self-esteem, but getting involved in the arts (theatre/visual arts/music) I found that I was surrounded by people who embraced "difference". Finding a community of people who love you for being different can really help to boost self-esteem (I think)

Just bc someone is good at something that I'm not it doesn't mean that they're good at everything..yet this is exactly my way of thinking, which is pretty warped 🤨. Thank you!

This was a really informative video. I’m 33 yrs old and I FINALLY accept my body and who I am becoming. It’s been a long time coming. I never really had confidence or high self esteem until now. My husband feels like I’m conceited or thinks too highly of myself. But was totally ok when I was depressed and uncomfortable in my body. I think his feelings are more about how he feels about himself than about me. Keep making great content!! I hope everyone learns to truly love themselves. We are all beautiful souls!

"Negative experiences create low self-esteem". Exactly

Thank yu for a great video. It has taken me 53 yrs to get my low self-worth into balance. It has caused me many life issues, building a strong platform for my own life. 🙏💖

I’ve been searching for years on how to improve my self esteem. You’re a God sent! Thank you so much ☺️. As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear!

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING MY LOW SELF WORTH AND LOW SELF ESTEEM. WAS BROUGHT ON BY SEVERE ABUSE.FROM SOME1 THAT IS HIGHLY NARCISSISTIC.. IM SO INCREDIBLY GLAD TO BE WORKING WITH A LIFE COACH...

Man, one day my self esteem took a hit, and I never recovered. I'll try, Dr. Marks, because these sound like pretty good ideas to me.

I appreciate you, Dr. Marks. 🙏🏻☺️🌞

I identify as a survivor of childhood incest/ sexual encounters birth to 5 years. I am still working through very deep rooted insecurities that seem to be immoveable.Thank you, this is is very informative, and helpful🙏🏽

When my "tank" is feeling empty and I'm finding it hard to interact with others because my depression/anxiety is weighing too heavily on me, I come here to hear some kind and helpful words, and it at least gives me a little more to give others :) Thanks, Doctor Marks 💜

My sister was my best therapist; I had the worst self esteem in the world and she just said “you never compliment anyone, don’t you like it when people compliment you?” Ever since then I compliment people all the time regardless if they say something nice back & it has helped a ton.

Thank you Dr. My mom was a battered abused woman who gained her self esteem after 70, when she did things she loved as traveling and going out to eat every week 💕

I think I came out of the womb as a more anxious human, and I remember having many conflicted and less than joyful experiences. Both my parents, I believe, had unhealthy attachments to their parents, so I, of course, took on this pattern. I say this because I have many challenging relationships with others, which makes life unpleasant, and doesn't help in developing healthy self esteem. Having said all that, which is negative, I am listening to you Dr. Marks and now remember that one of my strengths is using my voice, whether for singing or speaking. I want to get into the a field of narrating audiobooks. I really love reading aloud! Thank you for these extremely insightful videos!

I had low self esteem my whole life. It ruined any opportunity’s I had. I look back at my school days and I cry because I wasted so much time. I didn’t get to enjoy anything and I still struggle now. I have kids and i see how confident they are. Something I can’t even do now. I walk around lifeless and worthless :/

What a wonderful world we would have if, instead of bullying people because they are different, encourage and compliment each others strengths. We need to change what we value in this society. Instead of valuing looks and money and power, value kindness, generosity, and intelligence. Great video doctor!

"You CAN take it back "... !❤❤❤

Thank you for breaking down the process between "activities you're good at/love" and "these are the strengths it takes to do them" (video games -> hand eye coordination, strategizing). Terminal sadbrains and a lifetime of low self-esteem have left my thinking very rigid in some ways, so having someone lay it out with examples is incredibly helpful. Thanks for making these really helpful videos!

When I meet someone I tend to tell them most of my life story is this sign of low self esteem great topic

One thing that I’m proud of my self is my personality and being warm around other people. I feel like once I show a charismatic side to others and being nice to people it definitely boosts my self esteem. Having warm relationships with people is important! I feel like when I’m not being that way it affects me and I’ll internalize that feeling and think people don’t “like me” when I’m the one that needs to take the initiative and talk to others. I always hated being way too quiet as a kid, so now as an adult I’m breaking that cycle and putting myself out there. I actually had a friend that told me recently that her friends from work loved me (we met at her house) and they think I’m a nice person…it made me feel good! I accept that compliment 😁

Wise words. Had they only been understood in the early 1950's...many lives would have been spared much suffering.

You are like a mental health wizard

I just got ghosted from someone I dated for 4 months. It was a stressful period in his life and I cared a lot about him and helped him working through his emotions in a caring but also challenging way. I had my boundaries. He seemed like he never did that before and was very appreciative during that time. I now discovered that he is back on dating apps and it left me speechless and very hurt. He did not bother to send me one explanation, but just avoid this situation completely. My self-esteem got really hurt from this and it is very hard for me to not internalise it and blame myself. Ghosting is the most easy and hurtful way out, especially if the person was very vulnerable with you and now acts like you never existed. This video helps because it teaches me that my ability to listen and care is a strength and not a weakness even when other people cannot appreciate that. I will work through that but for now I'm just really hurt by this behaviour and I'm struggling with this.

Dr. T Marks I say this not puff you up, but I state this because I believe in my heart that God has Anointed you for what you teach and share, I want to say thank you for your obedience whatever it is that cause you to do what you do, God bless you my sister, keep doing the good work you do, amazing simply amazing!!!

I feel that my self worth/self love elevated after a big crisis in my late 20's. I had to start over , revaluate myself/my life, open my eyes to see my own flaws and accept my situation.

not skipping ads as my form of showing appreciation for your quality content 😁

I would say that seeing your life in a perspective with respect to your own past is a good way to archive that. It'll give you feelings of security and stability and those are the basis for self-esteem in my eyes. But it only works for adult people i guess.

"If you set your sights on being critical, you will be more Cristal of yourself than you are of others

Your thumbnails are the absolute best 😂

You are so eloquent, and the advice you give is life changing! 😊 Thank you for providing this service to us all ! 😁

Throughout my life, a lot of my toxic extended family and friends would "complement" me, and then proceed to whine and complain about their own lives, and how they are so jealous of me. It sort of instilled this weird cognitive distortion in me and made me think that I was somehow a bad person for being "better than" them, for not struggling as much as they were or whatever. It completely erased all the hardwork and efforts god knows I put in on a daily basis to achieve that thing, and turned the achievements into shame. This was all so subtle that I couldn't even catch it, and i got conditioned to not only not accept complements and downplay them, but also to degrade myself in reply, and complain about what i dont like about my life, to make sure the other person knows that my life isn't perfect, and doesn't feel bad about theirs because of me. And that in turn created a very negative and toxic mental environment for me, and turned me into a negative person, and played a role in ruining my self esteem. So moral of the story, ACCEPT THAT COMPLEMENT FOLKS

I have a friend who is suffering from low self-esteem after an abusive relationship, and I am absolutely going to send this to her. As much as I try to break down what helped my self-esteem, I feel like Dr. Marks is much better at expressing these concepts than I will ever be (not insulting myself, just acknowledging that this is her field, not mine).

Used to have terrible self esteem when I was a kid, it's gotten to the point where it's consistently healthy, I ain't never gonna be to a point where it'd even come close to overinflated, just ain't that type of person

Family environment and life experiences definitely play a role. Whew, them elementary to high school days are tough. It ebbs and flow as you get older. It’s all growing and learning once you hit your twenties.

This was so informative! I didn’t understand why I had high self esteem in my 20s but it started to weaken as I got closer to 40. Now I’m almost 44 and have finally started to regain love for myself!

As a child, my older brother constantly told me that I was ugly, stupid and that noone loved me. He would beat me up and lock me in the closet, and when I went to my parents for support, I was told my brother would never do that, and if he did hit me, I must have done something to deserve it. I developed BPD and depression because of it. Then I got into a narcissistic abusive relationship in my 20's. That left me with anxiety on top of BPD and depression. The anxiety has ruined my life. I was able to be sucessful and feel moments of happiness before I got anxiety. The anxiety has made it so bad, I don't even remember what feeling happy is like.

I feel that when I do things that is noble, or sacrificial, or being disciplined doing the right things, my self esteem and humility increase at the same time. Basically I just respect myself more by doing things that I would respect others do

Dr. Tracy Marks, I don’t even know where to begin but you are literally my second mom. Your content is absolutely outstanding and you are truly changing lives. I am currently watching your video on “ Negative Reprogramming”; and it has given me so much hope, reassurance, and actionable tools I can use to change my life right now. I love your content and I wish you success and happiness in everything you do!!!! Love you Dr. Marks !!!!❤️

I have feeling recently ashame for everything literally, if i say or not something, if i do, if i laugh, if i cry, i don't know how to stop it, i'm ashame of myself how is that possible? I'm my worst enemy i swear 🤦Also i don't have money for therapy, i can't find a job mostly because i have been told by my teachers in architect unicersity that basically i need to be perfect emotonaly stable with a perfect body which is something i don't have it, i'm not in my best moment right now and people around me notice that and they take advantage of me in a emotional way, unfurtunely i trust in them and i talk about a lot of my insecurities and now the use it against me, i want to go to therapy but i can't pay for it, i'm feelling so useless and this is driving me crazy. I have been told to parents about suicide episode i had and they didn't take it seriously, they know how much i'm struggle right now but is just that i have a whole narcissist family that actually are the ones who hurts me the most sometimes, they know it and they like that

3:15👌👌👌 5:25 Increase Self Esteem 6:25 Analogies 7:50 Other's Strengths 9:10 Accept Compliments

Do a video on social anxeity and mild depression

8:16 so true. Outer critic and inner critic are inextricably interrelated

Thank you, Dr. Marks! This helped me understand why my parents telling me I was unplanned and came at the worst possible time was so devastating at 13. As an adult, I can understand the pressures they were under, but have been able to excuse them telling me that. This helped me understand that dynamic better and will help me to guide my own children through these stages. ❤️

Can you make a video on mental health stigma , and dealing with family that enforced it

I want to thank you for translating the videos into Arabic. This helped us very much in understanding the content of the videos and benefiting from it

There's a very important catch here, I've been struggling with my inner critic my entire life and didn't know that was the problem until I started therapy because my inner critic never said clearly "you are unlovable, unworthy, stupid, not good enough etc" I just felt all these things and they influenced my thinking. If somebody asked if I think I am smart, I would've said of course I am bc x,y,z, but when it came to do stuff I didn't FEEL I was able/good enough to do it.

Thank you very much. I just noticed that I am unable to see beauty and worthiness in myself and I always notice what others do not do well because I grew up with my mother that did this overcriticism to me and to others, even strangers, all the time, all days. I am so trained to notice every small details which is not in the “right” place that I became totally numb and I always feel that everything I do doesn’t mean anything. You suggest us to do some exercises in recognize others people skills so I would start saying that you really seems a nice person, a beautiful human being, smart, patient and also funny and I really think that this channel is very useful, even for someone like me who already do therapy. Mental health should have more space in our life and I think that what you are doing with your channel is very great and compassionate thought others. I am doing my best in became a better human, even if suffer from chronic depression, so I think today I did another step in my journey thanks to you 😊

"As a child you start out with a very high level of self esteem" Ha, that's a good one

The work you put into these videos is astounding 💔💔 thank you for sharing your knowledge in such an approachable way, I am forever grateful for your channel 💖 sincerely hope everyone here has a nice day 🥰

I suffer from low self Esteem my entire life. Being called ugly or stupid throughout my childhood still haunts me in adulthood. Even when people find me attractive now, I'm still disgusted with myself and I always second guess my intelligence even though some people give me compliments like "ur pretty smart".

Appreciate the overview on this topic, helpful tips & guidance! I re-arranged these into a format like an exercise worksheet, and sent it to myself. Sharing it here 🙂 1) Identify Your Strengths - What am I good at? - What do I enjoy doing? - What have you done that's been most successful for you? - Identify the characteristics or behavior behind the action Once identified, develop your strength. Use 1 strength every day. Practice and train it like a muscle. 2) Recognize the Strength in Others - Shifts the focus to their strengths than weaknesses because critical judgment of others can also spill on to ourselves. The better you get at noticing other's strengths, the same goes to ourselves. - Everyone has strengths & weaknesses, see the bigger picture, we have ways to use it to contribute to the collective good. 3) Learn to Accept Compliments - Avoid downplaying or shutting down compliments - Hear it, appreciate it, accept it with simple responses like 'thank you'. It helps you get used to hearing positive feedback, and makes the other person feel good extending the kindness. These are little steps that can compound over time. Practicing this is an act of self love. Wishing you all a great day!

My self esteem is a pendulum. Lands on all areas of the spectrum depending on my mood. So chill it's okay.

Hey I was wondering if you could do a video on childhood bullying and how to overcome that as an adult?

My mom was listening to your voice and said it’s so nice and comprehensible although she doesn’t speak English. Thanks for the videos in your channel Dr Tracey, it is my new and comforting discovery these gloomy days. ❤

Dr. Mark's... I found you when I needed you most and I wanted to thank you for creating the content that you do. I am not in a position where therapy is readily available or affordable and so content such as this--with the calming and practical method you use--helps me to dive into and work on myself. Current projects, stop projecting and improve self esteem 😊 So thank you!

Dr. Tracey Marks: I am constantly trying to come to normal level of self-esteem. I was already at a very low and at a very high level of self-esteem.

I found the channel recently, and I must say, I love the clarity that Dr. Marks explains with. It makes the things she says so much more convincing.

Dr. Tracey, you have a nice smile, it would be really lovely that our first moments together that you are smiling at us and we are smiling back at you, it gives us positive energy, and opens us up to receive the information, and this simple act of smiling opens the heart to give and to receive! What a gift! How about that?

Gotta love you commitment to improving the lives of others. Dr T Mark is the best.

I'm 34 now and didn't do anything in my adolescence to boost my self esteem. I didn't prepare for my future or career, I dropped out of school (a depressing private Christian school), I didn't have friends, didn't socialize, never dated, was never committed to a cause, etc, so does that mean that I am doomed to never have healthy self esteem? This is difficult.

You skipped 50s, which can be a really terrible time for some women, with menopause, and sometimes losing your parents, grief, sometimes divorce, and also mid-life crisis, and the feelings that come with realizing you’re aging in a very ageist culture. As well as feelings of inadequacy about career setbacks.

I am working on this. My external self esteem is good, meaning how I look. However, my self esteem in terms of worth to society struggles.

I had low self esteem in grade school, at a early age

I really have a hard time with compliments always have...but I am appreciative of them.

Thank you! If anyone who cannot spare the full eleven minutes, is looking for the ways to recover self steem and even on key life moments to give support to others to do this, you can begin watching from minute 5.

I had kind teachers, a supportive family who always complimented me and were supportive of anything I wanted to do. I now have a partner who always tells me how great I am. My boss tells me my work is good. Despite all of this I have zero self esteem. I feel it's getting worse over time. I won't go for any promotion, I won't get married because I don't want anyone to look at me. I feel like nobody likes me. It's awful and I don't know why I'm like this.

I learned if we can get in a place of inspiration and awe of others we share in their talents etc and feel so much better .. then we ourselves get inspired to be creative or physically active goals and that boosts our own morale naturally and so all that connects us to others whether they’re amazing at something we aren’t so good at or we are inspired to learn from them we are connecting to others in such a positive way it lifts us up .. I do believe community and acceptance in that place does wonders for how we feel about ourselves .. the belonging feeling makes all the rest of the world the negative stuff that intimates us goes away and yeah age lol we stop giving a crap what others think and just live.. good food, nice weather, laughing with someone that makes us feel connected and that’s good enough .. we’re good enough

Doctor Marks, if you don't have haters, you're not doing it right. I, for one, am very thankful that you came back to RU-vid. Your work is valuable beyond words.

Thank you. That was really good. The extent to which our parents' attention or lack thereof defines us and shapes the course of our lives will never cease to amaze me. Perhaps they were neglectful and/or violent and cruel because they were narcissistic or pathological and incapable of empathizing with or loving anyone or anything. We usually interpret that behavior as though we are inherently unlovable and not deserving of love. I was raised by an extreme narcissist and spent 20+ years attempting to recover from it, but I do not feel like a victim, and I would not change one thing about my childhood. Her narcissism, ironically, honed my empathic qualities. I have a daughter who is a living miracle because I was not supposed to be able to have children because of certain childhood events. She will be 22 next week and is brilliant, beautiful, creative, loving, funny, happy, and kind. She is also an empath and is studying to become an art therapist because she understands that sometimes when we need to express something important, words can fail. My self esteem used to be low, especially during the 10 or so years that it took me to free myself from the gravitational pull of my narcissistic mother. That and the guilt associated with it almost killed me. It was my daughter who made me see the light. One of the only times my daughter ever saw my mother was when we went for a visit when she was about 2. She started putting her hand over my mouth so that I would stop speaking to my mother, which caused me to really look and really see my mother for who and what she really is. Out of the mouths (and hands) of babes. : ) My self esteem is quite high now. So is that of my daughter, which matters to me and my husband more than anything in this world. Somehow, we miraculously managed not to traumatize our daughter as we were traumatized as children for which I will be grateful for the rest of my days. Thank you for the solid post. I will pass it along to my daughter who works with children. : )

Thank you so much for the content you create! It's been so helpful to supplement the work I'm doing in therapy. You break extremely complex psychological concepts and make them understandable.

I so wish you could do a video with pastor R C Blakes. He preaches about everything that you discuss here. Betweenyou both the spiritual and biological and psychological aspects of life are covered. My life has been so impacted. Thanks Dr.

I recall incidents from my own life. Excellent study material. Gone through enough. People around us and their nature! Selfish people, cunningness, lieing, twisting the facts to suit their thoughts. Ignorance has been taken for granted and the planet is ruled by people who think they can fool, conveniently. If only, we humans open our eyes to see our mistakes and dare to own them, most of the problems can be avoided.

I cannot believe content like this is available on the Internet for free! 😭 life changing and so beautifully explained!!

Man I wish you were my therapists. Your so effective and clear. I have tried therapy before but therapists shopping overwhelmed me. I appreciate these videos. I have had multiple traumatic events and have had low self esteem since I was 10. It's encouraging to hear clear instructions on how to start working on it (even if I'm a bit sad to hear it will be much harder now that I'm 30).

Forgiveness and releasing bitterness improves your self esteem I went through it I know because if you don't that person has your power, which causes insecurities which will produce low self esteem.

I have. Low self esteem. Wish I had someone to talk to about it. It’s just hard to deal with cuz I don’t feel like I deserve much of anything. But I try not to Worry About it. And happy Halloween everyone.🎃

Self-esteem comes from esteemable acts.

I feel like I'll never boost my self esteem until I leave my mother's house. I build myself up for weeks and she can topple it all back down within one sentence.

Hi Dr Marks! First of all, I love your videos, keep up the good work! I was wondering if you would be able to talk about tardive dyskenisia? It’s something that’s on a lot of antipsychotic users’ minds as I know from personal experience that it can be a prominent thing to try to avoid. It would be great to see it covered by a psychiatrist as there’s isn’t much out there about it!

This is easily the best psychology channel.