This is true for me for so many of Hannah’s videos. I started watching years before I had my first time and I’m still years away from thinking about kids but it’s still so fascinating
Not a parent, but I wanted to mention something about scheduled sex! After I told my partner about your scheduled sex video, he started asking if he could “schedule a sex appointment” with me. I love it.
I’m a transgender man without children but like everyone else is saying- i’ve learned so much from your videos! Your advice on relationship communication is some of the best I’ve ever heard
My desire for sex and physical intimacy came back fairly quickly after birth, around 2-3 weeks postpartum. It took about 4-5 months for everything to feel fully “normal” down there (I had a vaginal delivery, one small 2nd degree tear on my perineum that healed well). I’ve actually found it harder to find time and energy for sex later on (after the newborn stage) as our babe becomes more active. We also both suffered from some moderate/severe postpartum depression (yes, male partners can experience it too!), so that impacted our sex life quite a bit. Things are getting better now around 9 months postpartum, but I still have less sensitivity in my breasts due to breastfeeding. It will be interesting to see how things evolve. Sexual currency and scheduling sex have been key for us!
After birth, I feel pretty much the same about sex and I very much want it, but my husband has had his world turned upside down and is dealing with mental health issues that are impacting his desire for sex. So it's not just a women's issue! Also having zero free time and a baby that refuses to sleep in his own bed doesn't help 😬
I am 8 month pp and I am still totally uninterested in sex. My husband has been amazing and supportive, but internally I’ve been worried that something is wrong with me and our relationship. This video made me feel so validated and normal. Thank you for normalizing all pp situations. 💗
We just had twins in June, and I expected to both be so emotionally and physically tired that we wouldn’t even think about sex - not the case!! We’ve both had a slightly higher sex drive than pre-pregnancy. He helped me with breast massages to help my milk come in before I decided to stop pumping. It really helped jumpstart our postpartum sex life. There is definitely still a lot of exhaustion that gets in the way, so I really like the “not physically taxing” ideas you gave 😊
I have nothing to contribute experience wise, as I've not given birth, but I just wanted to say how happy I am to have you back on RU-vid. Every Monday and Wednesday at 4pm, it's the way I unwind after finishing work 💛
My wife completely lost desire for sex 2 years after birth. We spent the next 5 years without any of it, at all. I couldn't touch her, I couldn't even talk about it. I was sleeping with the woman I loved and felt that I could only watch her through a looking glass. A couple of months ago we broke up, because I wanted to at least try couple's therapy and she did not. I still love her, and all I got after 5 years of understanding her and wanting no one but her was to be left alone. I've been trying my best every day for years to not think about stupid but unavoidable thoughts and taking care of myself so that I can focus on being the best dad I can ever be for my daughter, and I believe her mother is doing the same.
The part about feeling too exhausted and finding other ways to be intimate is also really good for chronically ill people who suffer with fatigue etc as even if you want to have sex, you might not be able to so finding other ways to be close is so important!
I'm nowhere near having a baby (at least not intentionally right now), but I just wanted to comment so more people who've just given birth will see this. I have a huge amount of respect for everyone who "went through" this (don't want it to seem like a solely negative thing) and I think your video will be a comfort to a lot of them. Thanks for creating content!
I second this! I’ve been seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist, and surprisingly she’s not a proponent of kegels (at least not until patients can actually identify what muscles should be used for kegels and what should not…apparently most ppl accidentally use their abs!)
Thank you! To you Hannah, and to the people sharing their postpartum sex stories. Currently pregnant and already scared of that situation. I will be coming back to this video again at least once more.
I’ve got a 4 month old and only had sec once since I gave birth. For me the main barrier to sex is feeling physically exhausted or touched out as you phrased it. In addition to my 4 month old I also have a 23 month old so I’m constantly holding, carrying, feeding or soothing someone with my body so when I’m not I don’t want to be touched even if it’s intended for pleasure and the last thing I want is to use my body to fulfil anyone else’s needs beyond what I’m already needing to do. I know it doesn’t mean I don’t love or desire my partner but the toughest bit is getting him to see that.
Im not post partum but this has made me realising im in a chasing dynamic with my partner and being in a hetero relationship and me being the woman always asking and getting rejected somehow feels even worse becsuse of the narrative we are fed about men should always be up for it! Interesting tips/thoughts
Hi Becca! I found your comment to be really relevant and I typed a long response which I'm about to post; hopefully someone finds my experiences to be enlightening in some way ❤️ and hopefully you're okay with the long response!
Ah, yes, this is definitely something I've experienced and contributed to unknowingly! I still struggle with guilt about it, to be honest. My ex partner and I are great friends, but he told me after our break up that sometimes he would say "yes" because he feared that I would be upset. Would I have been? At that time, yes, because I associated my worth with my partner's desires towards me in any given moment. Not good! With his honesty and ample time for me to cry on my own, I realized that I lacked knowledge of consent related to men specifically. From that time forward, I've been extreeeeemely cognizant of my interactions. Here are some things I've learned: - While it's important for me to acknowledge my mistakes in past intimate encounters, it's also important to acknowledge that my partner never disclosed these feelings until AFTER the relationship ended. My behavior was wrong, but I didn't get the chance to fix it in those moments. I didn't even know there was a problem. I can't take responsibility for his choice to not say anything, all I can do is recognize and fix the things that made me seem unapproachable. - I have conversations with potential partners about what sex means to me and that I don't expect them to be hard or be big. I ask them about what parts of their body they like and don't like and I let them know that if they ever wanted, I would love to kiss/cuddle/love their physical insecurities. - We talk about boundaries and ideas that they may not have been able to express before. We talk about times when their boundaries were crossed and what I can do to avoid that. - If I am told "no", then I make sure to communicate my desire to connect with them in some way. Example: "I know you don't want to have sex right now and that's okay, but I do want to spend some time with you. Can we have a cuddle instead? Can we talk about our days? Would you allow me to give you a bath, with no sex involved? Can we go for a walk tomorrow morning?" Etc. I haven't been physically intimate since my last relationship 2 years ago, but I've had conversations with men who have told me that they've never had someone communicate so well with them about boundaries. Some of them hadn't even acknowledged that they *had* boundaries until I asked them! This tells me that I'm on the right path. - Another thing which I just learned a couple of days ago while on a phone call with my crush is to ask "Did you feel loved today?" Or "Is there anything I can do to make you feel a little more loved today?" Sometimes just allowing a person space to say what they need (physical or otherwise) is really healthy. - One last thing, acknowledging intimate desires within oneself is super important. Just like Hannah said, solo play is just as important and shouldn't be hidden or taboo! I've been in situations where my partner didn't want it, but smiled on the phone with me while I did things and it was so fun! It was bonding without the need for interaction. I'd love to know if anyone else has any thoughts. Hopefully this message made sense!
@@Equivocal-squiggle hi kay thank you these are some really interesting points and thinga for me to think about, thank you for taking the time to comment. I do have a queation though, what about the fact that yours at the time / my needs are not being met ? Even with solo play i still feel really frustrated and i enjoy sex ,especially with my partner but ofcourse its only enjoyable if hes into it and thats the only way id like it , but its hard to know at what point you walk away because your needs are never being met and theirs always are i guess (perhaps not the best way to put it) but its really hard being constantly rejected , emotionaly but it also feels a physical need . Ofcourse it must be hard always being asked and ive experiencrd being on this side too in a past relationship! In all other ways the relationship is as close to 'perfect' as can be ! Especially when you cant exptess your frustation/anger at being told no agaim and again because you dont want that to make them feel pressured or coerced because youve got angry with them for saying no! Resentment starts to build :(
Also don't let doctors pressure you and find a new doctor if they don't believe and support you if you're struggling with healing or intimacy issues. During my first birth, the doctor gave me an episiotomy without asking and the recovery was awful. Aside from the pain, I had no childcare breaks and a newborn sleeping in our room and I just wasn't interested. At 3 months postpartum the obgyn directed me to schedule a follow up with my pcp, which I didn't have one. Tried a new doctor and she asked me about sex and when I said I hadn't resumed sex yet she gave me a super judgmental look and I found myself having to justify why I wasnt ready to have sex again. She made me feel awful and even mentioned something about "is my husband doing okay". I was so horrified that a doctor would shame me for not having sex . I still don't have a primary care doctor. It's been like 10 years since I had a good one and now I just go to urgent care when I'm sick because I've had so many bad attempts to find a new pcp. BTW, my second birth did not include an episiotomy and ihad a much better doctor. the healing was soooooo much better, i barely had any pain. I know now that they really messed me up the first time but everyone made me feel crazy.
LOVED this video! I’m not postpartum nor do I have any children but this helps with ANY change is body or experience I think. That would be an interesting topic to explore sex and changing bodies (weight, scarring, experiences, etc.)
@@hannahwitton I haven't been pregnant or had a baby, but found myself relating to some of these experiences through my experience of weight gain and trying to navigate how I feel about my body sexually and non-sexually (e.g. the section about clothing) afterwards. Very helpful video for many people I think!
I don't have kids, and my gf and I don't want them, but honestly a lot of this seems like it could apply really well towards sex after trauma. Without over sharing too much, my gf and I were briefly homeless and had to give up a few of our pets in order to find safe housing, and the whole incident was honestly really traumatic for both of us. Now that we're safe again we're trying to find a new normal and it's waaaay harder than I thought to find it. Gonna try putting some of these tips to use!
My wife and I are really enjoying and relating to this series. Thank you for being so open and candid. We wondered if you would plan to cover baby loss as part of the series?
Thank you for also bringing up potential experienced for single parents! I was a single parent with my first child and felt so left out of these conversations!
I never really learned about sexual currency until I was a lot older, and I also never realized that sexual currency can be as satisfying as piv sex or sometimes more satisfying depending on how I feel emotionally. It also helps a lot in my relationship with my partner, helps us communicate better. I love sexual currency I have no idea when the roughly 6 weeks rule started being implemented, but I do remember a story of about after my great-grandmother gave birth to my grandmother in I think it was 1914 there abouts, the doctor told my great-grandfather to not even think about touching, sexually or not, my great-grandmother in her nether regions for at least 6 weeks after giving birth. I guess she had an extremely bad tear and the doctor had to stitch her up a lot. And they lived in a rural area in eastern Utah. I was so surprised that a doctor was available to come to their house and deliver the baby and knew enough about how to stitch someone up properly and tell the spouse to leave her alone until she'd healed.
Amazing video as always ♥️ Could you please consider changing your mic or how it’s placed? I always struggle with the low sound on your videos and having to have the volume on max, but the ads are then super loud and me being sound sensitive really struggles with that.
I'm loving these videos so much, and I'm glad you're back! :) I've never given birth (nor do I plan to), but I love learning from you - and your post-birth videos make me feel extra thankful for my own mum haha.
After I had my son 5 years ago, I didn’t want to have anything to do with sex. I had a vagina delivery. I had some severe tears because my poor lady bits were struggling during those 6 weeks pp. I started feeling better at the 6 week mark but I didn’t feel comfortable having sex. My breasts were also not giving me the same sexual pleasure as I was breastfeeding. It took 4 years for my breasts to feel normal again. My pelvic floor muscles are also weak as I do have to wear pads for the occasional leak. I forget to do my exercises but when I do them it does help. Sex definitely feels different. It’s starting to feel better but definitely different.
Yes! I would sometimes feel 'touched out' in my first year of parenting. Like I would hit a point where my body would almost itch and I'd be like, can I just not be touched for 15 minutes???
lots of women after birth, especially hard one, is scared of being pregnant again and often don't realize that is also reason. love all of your viedoes since many many years because we are in similar age. loads of knowledge and fun! best to you and your boys 💙❤️
For sure, my husband and I have both been way less interested in sex for the last few months. I've no doubt it's because we're both worried about how we would finance another baby and contraceptives are just not working for me. Condoms are fine but we're definitely still both nervous
❤️ thank you. My partner and I hardly had sex while I was pregnant. It just didn’t feel right physically and mentally. Birth was traumatic, again physically and mentally. But…. Those first few weeks I swear my hormones turned me into horny monster 😅 I was still very much healing so we waited. That first time having sex, it was so scary. I also feel like I have nerve damage from my vagina delivery. I cried - so sexy. My partner was and is so supportive. We tried again a while later, it felt a little better but I couldn’t quite get there. Definitely a mental game, especially when you have a baby sleeping in their cot in the same room 😅 almost 6 months postpartum.
I had no sexual desire whatsoever from like 3 months before my first was born, until over a year after she was born. None. I had a c-section and no pelvic issues whatsoever.
My labour and birth was 3 hours from start to finish and I recovered really quickly. I had sex 2 weeks after the baby and the first time felt a little funny but by 3 weeks pp it felt just like it did before. I had 2 small tears either side of my clit which required stitches.
I'm 5 weeks PP rn, and I just don't want to even think about sex. My spouse is patient, but also expresses that he misses me and being intimate. I'd like to meet him half way, but I feel silly and just not like a sexual being in any way at all. Even though it's my second child the society's pressure of "mums aren't sexy" is ingrained in me.
I’m 7 weeks postpartum and wondering why nobody told me how painful sex could be. I tore very significantly with a ten pound baby, and I was wincing in pain when we tried to have sex last week. Not to mention how different I look down there.
Thank you so much, Hannah! 💛 It feels so conforting to listen to you. I slways learn so much. Currently pregnant and already worried about what is coming to us!!! But this certainly helped 🥰
I have PTSD, severe depression and Borderline Syndrome and due to all of it and its mediaction my libido almost completely disappeared. I have a partner who is very understanding and I leanred that having sex, whether penetrative or "just" oral is a form of intimacy I can enjoy without needing an orgasm. For me that was sex before in previous relationships, an orgasm. It felt like a chore and it was demanded constantly. I learned a whole new side of it with my current partner. And this was also very helpful and eye opening to it. So thank you. =)
My toddler is 2 in a few days and I literally don't remember the first time we had sex after. Something that mattered so much at the time means literally nothing to me now. At some point we started having sex again and it was fine and now our sex life is great in a totally new way.
i didn't think to comment this on the video when it came out, so now way fewer people will probably see this, but this might also be a great time to bust out the non-penetrative sex skills! especially for people who don't typically do that. there are so many wonderful ways for everyone to gain pleasure and be intimate without involving the vagina (if that's the thing that is causing the most discomfort), and i know that the sponsor of this video is a kegel trainer but still, we can always benefit from decentering the piv narrative :D
I really appreciated this video. My wife and I have identical twin boys (5 months old now) and we actually have not had piv sex in over a year now. Unfortunately, my sex drive has reverted back to my teenage self (pretty high) while hers has nearly disappeared altogether. It's extremely frustrating when I'm craving that physical interaction and she's not even willing to entertain my exhibitionist side. (Just watch me play for a bit! lol) I'm trying hard to not have any resentment toward her as I understand she's physically and even emotionally drained but being rejected constantly is hard. 😞
I think keeping old clothes puts pressure on you to ‘bounce back’ or get back to how you used to look. I think it’s more positive to just get donate/sell them! You are different now and that is 100% normal and okay!
I had an episiotomy when I gave birth and was fully prepared for the doctor to tell me to wait six weeks to have sex but they literally said whenever I feel ready!
I feel like having a child ruins relationships more often than not. This is a huge part of why I’m deathly afraid of ever having a child. I’d rather not take that risk. Ruined relationship, ruined body all for a baby? Not worth it.
It's very important to see a pelvic floor specialist/physio therapist when considering pelvic floor exercises or training. Especially post birth. There is a 'right' way to do these exercises in order to improve your pelvic floor and this will depend on you current pelvic floor health, muscle tone and technique. This can only be identified by a physio therapist specialising in pelvic floor. These gadgets for improving your pelvic floor may not be right for you. And if your not taught how to do these exercises correctly they won't improve your pelvic floor health.
This did just come on reddit and there were so many women saying how their men pressured them into sex too early and hurt them. Also many nurses who told sad stories of raping IN the hospital after giving birth! So fucking infuriating!
I think my husband and I first tried PIV sex about 7-8 weeks postpartum. It definitely felt different! As time went on, it did go back to feeling more normal for me, but it's not like we were doing it super often at first. Now our son is 18 months old. Scheduling sex is key with a little one!
First off I want to say i have been watching you for years, secondly, I want to let you know I am sorry for the loss of the queen, one heck of a women whos duty to country was strong until the end.
Keep up the amazing work Hannah you are doing so well as mom and wife and you come first roo your health and unbelievable blessing angel unique and thanks so much for sharing all this important information xoxo 😚 🖤🧡🎃🍂👻🍁👻🍃🎃🎃🍂👻🖤🖤🎃🍂👻🍁👻🍂🧡🧡🖤🎃🎃🍂👻🍁🍁👻🍂🍃🧡🧡🧡🧡🍂🍂👻🍁🍁🍂🎃🧡🧡🧡🧡🎃🍃🍂👻🍁🍁
I love your videos but I turn my volume all the way up while I'm walking my dogs and they're not very loud I have the issue with your videos and one other of my favorite RU-vidrs as well. Is there any way you can make your videos a little louder. If not it's totally fine I can watch you if I have time at night lol I just like walking my dogs and listening to my favorite RU-vidrs I find myself switching and not watching your videos because I can't hear you if you're in my pocket and most RU-vidrs I can hear them
I'm nearly 7 weeks postpartum and kinda keen to have sex again, but haven't been able to find the time/energy with my partner yet. I am pretty keen but also feeling abit funny and unsure because we actually stopped having sex since about the third trimester (we never spoke about it openly but I think he wasn't attracted to my body once heavily pregnant, idk). Also, one of the biggest issues for me is going to be birth control. So far everyone has scoffed at me at the idea of using Natural cycles. But, regardless I haven't gotten my period back so that is not an option. I've never really used condoms before but I this is the time, but to me that makes sex more difficult and less appealing 🫤
