Sexuality, Relationships & Boundaries // EP 7 - Pretty Lonesome 

This podcast is about to shift the trajectory of my life

Never stop making podcasts I’m begging you this is the most comforting thing I’ve ever listened to

I'm 17 and I identify as bi but I have always struggled to either feel queer enough or feel understood enough. The way you described queerness and how fluid it is has helped me so much actually. This might be the most authentic talk about sexuality and all its colours I have ever heard and it brought me so much comfort, thank u Madeline ❤️

she has that emma chamberlain type of making everyone confortable and also very relatable

you should definitely have people over, it doesn’t have to be influencers or whatever, I think having your sister or even friends over would be really entertaining if they’re into that!

Please let’s do this every friday for the rest of our lives

yes to everything about labels not being wrong!!!! i identified as bi for years bc i genuinely was attracted to guys but a couple years ago i realized that attraction was gone and have identified as a lesbian ever since. i wasn’t wrong before, i genuinely had that attraction, until i didn’t. it’s okay for labels to change as we do

"I've never been so aware that I know nothing than in my 20's" Felt that 100%

she makes me feel so safeee

I don't think anyone has ever described more perfectly how I feel about my sexuality the way you have

the older i get, the younger i feel! i totally get that, i feel like when i was a teen, i was always very unsure of my sexuality and had to act a certain way to fit the label i thought i was. now that i'm 21, i feel more sure of what i want out of a relationship, even if i'm less sure now of what i want out of life. but maturing is helping me become a more go-with-the-flow, and i really think it's really refreshing hearing you come to terms with your own sexuality.

I've never heard her speak this slowly. Very good podcast, the part about labels made so much sense I couldn't relate more. Can't wait till next friday, hope you do this eternally.

I love how she makes me feel in peace like her content and HER is just so comforting

freshly 18 and navigating life at the moment and taking half an hour out to listen to you has been so fab, thank you for this madeline!! i beg you continue these

i was tearing up for a second because when i came out, i put it off for at least a year because i felt the same way, i felt like i couldn't go back. so i came out as a lesbian, turned part it into my personality, and ignored every guy i might have found attractive, since at the time, i hated men so much i couldn't even imagine myself in a relationship with a guy. now, after some personal growth and a little less man-hatred, i've realized that i actually have a crush on a guy! it's crazy to me cause i've been so convinced for so long that i could never date a guy, but the one i like is so sweet and funny. it's just crazy and now i feel like i can't tell my friends, since i made being a man hating lesbian such a part of my personality.

The sexuality convo was just explaining exactly what goes on in my head lmao

madeline you are literally my comfort person, i love how you reflect on things and i find it very inspiring listening to you. please never stop doing podcasts and btw i'm in love with your voice it's so soothing

This podcast is absolutely what I needed please continue doing it, especially what you touched on, sexuality and boundaries, is something I have been recently thinking about constantly and it's really nice relating so much to someone you don't even know. Thanks!

rewatching this because i can’t help but be obsessed with your podcasts. i love you and your content so much madeline

Listening to this was like listening to someone else speak the thoughts that live in my head that I've never verbalised I feel so comforted and valid

i'm so glad i found this podcast honestly, I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately trying to label myself and felt how my preferences shifted over time, it truly is overwhelming glad you talked about it and i love how genuine you are

You’re so articulate and easy to listen to , please make more of these they’re so comforting ❤️

This is literally exactly down the the details how I think. Thank you so much for this Madelyn you have no idea how much you’ve helped me heal

what you said about sexuality i feel it so deeply and it describes so much ab the pressure we have to label ourselves and the struggles of queer women and the feeling of not wanting to conform to a label, you slay so much and i just understand everything you say lol 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

i feel like, as someone who did have an entire toxic on and off relationship with a girl for almost all of high school, i can say without a doubt that sapphic teen relationships are so hard to navigate through, almost to the point that it's almost a right of passage that everyone comes out of it with trauma. a lot of my other friends who are women and dated other women in high school have had similar experiences, whether they were in actual relationships or situationships. i think because we know we're heading into a relationship with a woman, our defenses are let down way too much (in comparison to dating men, who we've always been warned about whether it be from media, friends, or family) that we forget that we have to establish boundaries, just like any other relationship. anyways, great first podcast! love the talking points and although i do heavily identify with my label as a lesbian, a lot of the points you made about labels and being young were incredibly relatable experiences!

what you mentioned about being introduced as the “lesbian friend” resonated with me deeply. i’m not out yet so i personally haven’t had to deal with that but i know almost every single one of my friends (that are queer and out) have. It’s not only patronizing but extremely dehumanizing and it’s almsot always said by straight people!! I perceive it, honestly, as a form of homophobia weather the intention was good or not. but truly i enjoyed this video sm, i deleted tiktok a while ago so seeing your video pop up in my feed was such a pleasent suprise. im 17 and it’s taken me so long to realize it, and i still haven’t come to terms with it but i know, internally, that im queer. As you eluded to, there’s this almsot residual comfort or definitiveness that comes along with having a label. However , i have a lot of internalized homophobia i need to sort through and an intense fear of coming out even though i pretty much know im a lesbian or at the very least queer. It’s really just a matter of what that means for me specifically. i just really wish straight wasn’t viewed as the default. Im sorry to rant but your thoughts are very profound and have sparked a lot internal reflection in me-also dating doesn’t interest me at all either! all in all-truly, thank you so much

this podcast has been the best thing to happen to me literally this year, forever grateful for u madeliene💞

First episode and yet she already talked about so many relevant and important relatable topics with such eloquence with her words. I’m really so gonna be tuning in on this all the way. Keep up the good work!

Bro I love this girl I swear. So humble and so FUCKING relatable

Love this. I’ll be joining you every Friday. Related to you on so many level. I say I’m pansexual because I don’t really care about gender when dating, but this is also not entirely true and there are nuances. I am okay with that. You should make a whole video about setting boundaries/keeping them in place with friends/family/romantic partners. Or, life lessons you would tell yourself at 19. Can’t wait to see more :)

you literally lit up a light bulb in my brain with the whole sexuality thing please keep doing this omg

this has fr shifted my mentality and it is so comforting to know other people share similar experiences as me.

this is epic!!! congrats maddy

the whole neutral colours, crisp mic and rain is a vibe!! i recently started makinhg podcasts too and its so fun. i'm excited for your journey and i wish you good luck x

This video randomly came up on my youtube recommendation and i’m so glad I clicked it. I went through the same exact experience. I used to identify as a lesbian but up until a few months ago I started developing feelings for men again so I decided to go unlabeled. I now have a boyfriend but sometimes this weird feeling creeps into my head it’s almost like a guilt or disappointment that I am no longer who I thought I was. You get so comfortable with your first queer label that it’s almost heartbreaking to let go of. So many people in this community help you figure out your labels but forget to talk about the importance of change and how you can come to a different realization about your sexuality at any point in time and it feels like no one is there to help you if that happens. I still like women but I just like whoever I like in general, even though I’m currently with a man that doesn’t erase my lesbian experiences from the past. I used to also be called the lesbian friend. Right before I started liking men again, the word lesbian started to become very uncomfortable for me. I felt like I was lesbian first and human second. It was a very isolating experience and now that i’m not a lesbian my sexuality is not treated the same at all, nobody is as rude to me as they used to be with that label. So even tho me or others are not identifying as something anymore, it does not take away the experiences you had under that label, and that’s the most important lesson of all.

off topic but the rain in the window is such a vibe and this video is so so calming. also, i love how articulate you are

i am so glad this came up in my recommended, i literally was so stunned by her beauty that i gasped and hid my face like an idiot. then, boom, hit with her accent, gasped again. then, just her vocabulary in general, the way she expresses herself. . . UGH everything about her is so breathtaking also, this is so relatable 😭

I can’t lie, it was jarring to hear someone really put into words your thoughts and emotions but it’s the only podcast I’ve ever sat through without getting bored 2 mins in. Maybe your next one could with a really good friend that you don’t really understand (idk how to describe it)

Yk what I’m a straight male- single and who is also not yet in their 20s, so technically have not much to relate to in this but man that was just so interesting to listen to and learn about different people’s worlds and experiences. Some people I think just have a talent to talk about anything whilst naturally being able format it in an interesting way through taking out unnecessary bits, but keeping enough of them in that it feels like a personal conversation. Think that’s why I enjoyed it- it does just feel like a conversation.

love hearing about your lessons that you’ve learnt throughout your life, it’s very relatable and you speak wonderfully

This was really fun to watch, absolutely feel free to get yourself a friend to talk to! Could you talk about what it’s like being queer and having really deep friendships with other women and how platonic and romantic feelings can crossover?

this is genuinely the best repesentation of my thoughts on sexuality ive ever heard...

the subjects for this first podcast were so interesting and you managed to get the whole thing to flow and i think that’s just so good for a first timer bc i’ve heard so many podcasts and subjects change so abrupt and yeah it’s quick and it’s no big deal but it’s nice when the subjects correlate and flow well !! felt comforting hearing you talk about your thoughts and experiences !!!!!

Please keep doing these podcasts! I absolutely love your TikToks and the second I saw this video pop up I was so excited. This feels so chill and definitely the kind of chat/thought-spewing conversation I wish more ppl had :)

omfg you literally talked ab what was obsessively going through my mind these past weeks THANK YOU

I would love to hear more of your thoughts about sexuality! From what I’ve heard so far you have a really relatable (for me at least) perspective, but it would be really interesting to hear about how you realized you’re queer and kind of your whole journey of dealing with other peoples opinions about your sexuality. Love the pod!❤

The part where you suggested to just sit back and observe at least until you know the person you’re dating is so true. I had to learn it the hard way but I hope someone takes this tip and applies it because it’s gold

i've had the worts week ever, and realizing you did a podcast, and listening to it...i'm so comforted and happy. i love hearing you ramble on anything

From first tiktoks in the car with a cardboard roof to a well produced podcast. I love the journey

im only five minutes in and its been extremely validating and comforting to listen to your thoughts and feelings oh wow.

As a guy who's recently had a mutual breakup and didn't feel very strongly about their needs in a relationship until very recently, this podcast is incredibly refreshing. Learning a lot, will definitely watch more.

I really needed this podcast in my life ohmygod Thank you for this you have no idea how safe I felt and how less alone I feel now. My sexuality and discovering who I was took so long and it went in a very similar direction as you. For so long I felt, and still sometimes feel this way, like I was faking it or that I had to define exactly who I was otherwise I was messing up the hard work the community had done to be accepted. It's tiring and hard. Listening to you say exactly what I needed was amazing. So thank you ❤

Please keep doing this as much as u can its lovely to just hear someone talk about their own experiences in the world

I think your boundaries are things that the other person, who’s hypothetically very interested in you, should be finding out by themselves too. I think that’s part of falling in love, you notice you’re with someone who understands/sees you, someone who’s paying attention to the little details. You’re both setting your boundaries together, mutual helping.

thank u so much for sharing this. it's so comforting to hear someone else speak about a lot of stuff i am also going through

It's so nice to know I am not the only one who feels this way, everything you said, I have felt, I feel, WILL feel... thank you for sharing! This has been very helpful to me.

You could talk about literally anything and you have my interest I can’t lie. Please make more

girl i don’t even relate to this, but i love the insight on your life & how you’ve come to where you are!! i love this so much. keep doing them!!!

Your voice genuinely the most relaxing thing in the world holy heavens

this is exaclty how ive been thinking over this year, im glad you explained it so well cause its been wracking my brain trying to say exactly what you said

IVE BEEN HOPING FOR THIS FOR SO LONG YOU JUST MADE MY WEEK

this was so comforting to watch

I’m so happy your video came across my recommendations. It was an absolute blast to listen to you speak, I can’t wait for the next episode!

I think a whole podcast on identity would be so good because I know me and a lot of young people online are dealing with these identity crises because of things like tiktok, aesthetics, tropes telling us who we should and shouldn't be

What you said about feeling young in your 20s, I think about that all the time! I feel so much younger now at 23 than I did at 17. I think it happens once you really start to realize what it means to take care of yourself. Also I love you, looking forward to more of these :)

This video cured my soul, hydrated my body and calmed me more than a 50 minutes meditation

Your voice is genuinely one of the most relaxing things ever ily 🫶

Please please please continue this!!! This video was like a warm hug that my mental health needed! Thank you for this genuinely

mummy i needed you to sit in a car and talk to us for 30 mins. i genuinely needed this. love you.

Oh my god I have never felt more comforted by a podcast. I've recently been SO astronomically confused over what labels I think 'fit' me, I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian right now, I haven't had a crush on a man in a very long time but i'm so scared of the backlash I could potentially receive, from strangers and friends and family, if I find out that I'm not a lesbian and I actually like men and i'm just unaware of it right now. It's terrifying the way some people react to changing labels, but like, we grow everyday and it's so unhealthy to pretend ever single person is going to stay in a specific sexuality and 'box' and ugh it's so so confusing and I wish labels could just be abolished and everyone could embrace change. Like people shouldn't be literally scared by the idea of labels and everything and it's just ugh horrible idk ://

please continue doing this, can’t even express how much these help

Very easy to see why you have a huge following and shocked it's not more but no doubt it'll continue growing. You're very wise and relatable in many aspects to ppl in general. You're very elegant & your perspective or the way you share your lessons from life experiences will have a positive impact for many ppl struggling with emotional conflict...simply your amazing awesome job 👏

this entire video was SOOOOO VALIDATING!!!!! oh my god. thank you youtube algorithm & thank you for putting out this video. i appreciate it so deeply.

This is the most relatable thing to me ever I could actually cry

this is literally the first time i've ever successfully listened to a full podcast. thank u madeline

cant describe how much this podcast made me feel safe please make this every fridayyy xxx

I’m 49. I came out 10 years ago as bi but I was from high school. I can tell you it wasn’t easy to go that many years married and in denial. I’m open to whoever asks, but it’s not easy

hi, I am a 16 year old girl from the uk and I just wanted to thank you for this video. I've been called gay countless of times and felt a weird pressure to to pick a label to belong to. None of them seem to fit me or be fitting to commit/identify too whereas going by unlabelled/queer is so much more freeing to me. Its amazing to hearing the story of an older girl go went through something similar

that was smooth, it just calmed me, you literally unpacked my mind and im grateful

madeline you definitely need to continue these EVERY FRIDAY!! i have never related to anyone more

You took the words out of my mouth! i felt similar to you when “changing my label” and announcing it to people I was so scared that they would call me a “fraud”… Queer is such a safe and authentic word to me about my sexuality, my gender and whole identity and I also feel really peaceful with that term when showing people “on paper” who you are Also keep up the podcast if you like them because i thought this was super interesting and entertaining :)

Ngl at this point in my life this video was very pivotal to me definitely have the same view points on the fluidity of sexuality and not liking specific labels and being put in a box like I’ve come away from this knowing I need to think more deeply especially about the boundaries aspect looking forward to more podcasts

i loved this so much!!! it was so helpful for me and i really liked how you were in the car the whole time. i think bringing other people on sometimes and other times doing them by yourself like this would be wonderful! great job!

Loved this! It’s so nice listening to you❤️I think it would be really interesting to talk about the pressure that is being put on you in your 20’s like everybody expects you to know what you’ll be doing for the rest of your life but I think so many people actually don’t know at all🙄

This is what we all need

Everything in this has been worded so perfectly, thank you

Thank you for talking about queerness; I think long form videos like this are healthy for the discussion around being queer and are great for sharing the experiences being queer to those who are yet to understand who they are. I found that your descriptions of your identity and experiences perfectly encapsulate and mirror being queer for many people, especially mine. I agree that the huge number of labels can be great and help people find comfort in who they are but I also agree that labels can make people feel trapped; and I've found that in some areas of the community there can be some gatekeeping around labels. An example of this could be bisexual people being told they should use the pansexual label because they experience attraction to everyone. I am in this category; I experience attraction regardless of gender however prefer to use the label bisexual as I have used it before I understood my attraction past cisgender men and women. Videos like this help push people past the idea that labels are necessary, and I also love the word 'queer' as a descriptor for your experiences both as a way to avoid feeling trapped in a box but also as a way to not divulge too much information if you aren't comfortable sharing the intricate details of how you experience gender and sexuality. I would also agree that queer women are shunned from talking about gender and sexuality; even when they are not shunned, tend to be taken less seriously. Trans men are treated by TERFs (Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists) as "lost sisters" and "women who are trying to escape misogyny" rather than men who are or have transitioned because the concept of "man" fits the way they perceive themselves and provides them comfort and joy. The concept of being a lesbian has so much fetishisation; when combined with the rigidity of labels and the feeling of being trapped it them, women who identify as lesbians who experiment with men or realise they have an attraction to men immediately have their identity and perception of themselves disregarded. This can go both ways though, as straight men who experiment with other men tend to be immediately and quite often for extended periods of time become "gay" in the eyes of other people. I finally came to terms with my own sexuality after years of supressing it; constantly invalidating myself because my attraction to different genders could fluctuate on different days. It was the acceptance and the experiences of other bisexual people that helped me understand that it is normal and that I don't have to be attracted to everyone all the time to remain bisexual. I am now experiencing questioning of my gender identity and how it also fluctuates at different times for seeming no reason and up until recently stressed that I could be a trans woman before mere days later feeling extremely comfortable as a man. The idea that I don't need a label is comforting because it gives me time to experiment with my identity; I have a great group of friends that were extremely accepting of my feelings and were willing to help me experiment by using different pronouns and a different name and I trust that if I not longer want that to be the case they will quickly return to my old pronouns and name. I can definitely understand the experiences of being a 'baby gay'. Whilst finding an accepting community for who you are is liberating, its very easy to fall into the trap of trying to once again conform to other people's unwritten standards out of fear of being cast out; its only a while or after discussions like these are had you may start to realise: "No, I am not this person, and while I share a community with them based on how we perceive ourselves in this regard, I do not have to walk and talk like them, because I can experience my sexuality and gender differently and that is the whole celebration of being queer." The whole thing of entire friend groups discovering their queerness at a similar time seems to be a common phenomenon and I had it with my friend group. As I talked more openly about my experiences of being queer, initially around my sexuality and the doubts I had, it prompted my friends to take deeper looks into their own experiences. Not long after I and my other queer friends started to discuss our sexualities in more detail than "I am X", I had a friend start to realise their attraction expanded beyond people of the opposite sex. When the topics of gender came up and we had all talked about it openly within around a week four of us realised we fit in some way under the 'Trans Umbrella'. Having so many people realise who they were at once I believe was a huge benefit to us all, and prompted more discussion which helped us understand not only ourselves better, but become better friends as well. The conundrum of "Is this person cute or do I hope they find me cute" is an absolute nightmare and I found is even harder when experimenting with your gender identity, because you go from two things you are confused between and then throw in the possibility that you actually want to look like or be them. You begin to question: "Do I find this person cute or do I want them to find me cute or do I want to be them?" And then it can be a disaster of all three. I feel like the feeling of things being able to go wrong and being able to get up in the morning comes with age and growing into yourself. At least for me, continuing to have the same friend group as I had 4 or 5 years ago has meant I put myself out there more; I trust that the small amount of people in my life that matter to me will accept me for who I am and if something goes wrong and maybe I have bad experiences with new people, I still have the people that matter and at worst the most people that know about how you may have fucked up is the small bubble of people that consists of the new people. Its such a different environment as an adult because you tend to be more isolated to the people you work with, your friends and your family. When you are young, you have an entire school that may know you and be able to single you out if you go wrong somewhere. This feels especially true with your sexuality, its very easy to be open with your sexuality with friends but keep it private at work, because for the most part the people you are friends with and the people you work with may never interact. In a school environment word you go by a certain label or rumours about your sexuality or identity can spread far beyond from where you are comfortable because of how many people can identify who you are. I think this is a big reason why I became comfortable with myself after school and my first year of university, and it would not surprise me if its when so many people realise who they are when they are adults. I can't really add anything on boundaries because you are pretty much spot on. It should be mentioned that it extends past romantic relationships, boundaries can extend to to things like being queer. If for example long time friends are making jokes and comments perhaps on your identity, even if not malicious, if it hurts you, communicate with them. If they don't accommodate you or can't sympathise with how it could upset you, move on past them. Don't keep yourself trapped in situations that hurt you for the sake of maintaining friendships with people who don't respect you. I guess this is the end of this near essay on queer experiences so as a closing note and I guess summary of what I've rambled on about in a youtube comment: IT IS OK TO NOT HAVE LABELS OR TO CHANGE THEM DEPENDING ON HOW YOU FEEL, DON'T LET OTHER PEOPLE DETERMINE WHO YOU ARE AND REMEMBER TO LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF WITH BOUNDARIES. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE YOURSELF AND NOONE ELSE. I LOVE YOU. ❤🏳‍🌈🏳‍⚧ Note to Madeline if she read's this: While it is deeply personal, if you would be comfortable sharing more about your queer experiences in this manner for future videos I think It would be extremely valuable to discussion around being queer and to people who watch your content are are queer or are questioning. Thank you again for talking about your experiences here even if you never mention them again.

so relatable, like literally step by step analysis of my life. idea for your next one: what is the meaning or purpose of your life? or does one not necessarily have/need one?

this was so nice it was actually the first time i heard someone describe their sexuality the same exact way i feel about my mine 🤝💗 this was very validating and cool

I recently came out of bisexual after being out as lesbian for 3 years and i cant explain how much my feelings resonate with this podcast, its help put my feelings into perspective and made everything feel less crazy, thank you

she’s about to hit 500k y’all this is so crazy look how far we’ve came with our bestie

listening to ur problems and just thoughts is fixing all my problems and answering all my thoughts ilysm

Yay 🥹 I’m literally about to start my podcast too. I’m taking this as a sign. This is giving me extra extra motivation to finally release my first episode ☺️☺️☺️🙈

This is so relatable and comforting thank you so much

Thanks. Love your honest openness and candid approach to such a touchy subject what's more prevalent in today's society. In particularly your discussion of boundaries and how you have allowed people that you've grown to like to overstep those boundaries Ben you making excuses they're obvious transgressions of those boundaries. This hit home so profoundly for so many situations in my own life. So thanks again.

this was so liberating and comforting to hear!! i grew up labeling myself as ‘gay/lesbian’ essentially, but pretty much since the age of 14/15 I came to terms with labeling myself not for myself, but for others. I know how i feel abt others for the most apart, but if i was to be asked i have a short and sweet answer for them. Did I feel connected to the term/label? no. but that’s fine. But also i uhm, sort of had a crisis the last couple of years here recently and discovered i’m also attracted to men, in fact very attracted to men. And that made me feel like a fraud in the community, just completely erasing my bisexual-ness essentially. “well if i like men i must not be gay???” but no, i just got caught up in how i’d be perceived and literally everything else that doesn’t actually matter. I did finally make amends with myself and found peace w Myself about my ever evolving sexuality though. You said a lot of things in this video that really struck a nerve w me, really resonated. i very much needed to hear a fellow 20 yrold woman that grew up as a lesbian discovering she’s not exactly that too. i thought it was just me all this time. Also the bit you pointed out abt not previously being very attracted to men as a teenager most likely due to just being logical abt the scope of dating,,, reallllyyyy resonated!!!!! i could go on with my comment so i’ll wrap it up here. Again thank you for sharing your experience thus far, it’s so comforting to hear.

Her starting a podcast makes life so freakin better!!!!!!

what you said about feeling like as you age you feel younger reminds me of the taylor swift lyric “How can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?”

your voice is so calming pls do more I love these could listen all day!!💗

Madeline i love you with my whole heart thank you so much for making a podcast for us 💗