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But what If there is a other Person which she felt totally in Love and He Draw her more and more away from the marriage. WE are now seperated For 9 months. I try to Work on myself, I am calm, strong to her. I let her the space. No Pushs. But nothing works. I have No Chance against the Bondage to the other Person
You explained it so well, I am working on myself to be better. For my babies and for me. I am finally getting it. I hurt right now, but this makes so much sense.
She said doesn't love me anymore but wants to keep living together. She even offered to move to a smaller space toegther as our current ladnlord wants to terminate the lease earlier to sell the house. Since the break she wants to spend time with me, seems more happy, joking etc. I don't if I should apply the no contact rules, find a new place for me or keep everything casual and still live with her?
Your videos are how I got my girl back. She was stonewalling me, told me I was being too negative, told me my depression was bringing her down. But I kept working through it and pulled myself together while listening to your advice and got her back and now we’re happier than ever💪🏻
Love to hear that Jake! These types of comments inspire me to go harder in doing what I do. Keep rocking my man! How long have you been watching my videos?
@@GeoffreySetiawan everything started with her around the 10th ish of December (didn’t get to spend Christmas or New Year’s Eve with her shit still kinda hurts ngl but ig there’s always next year) so I found your videos about a week into January when someone told me to give her space but I was scared to give her too much space or not enough as she’s my first and only girlfriend meaning I have zero experience. Looked up how to give a girl space and your vids came up
You're lying, right? People don't just go back together when the only thing everybody is doing, women especially, are looking for the perfect type of partner that only exist on social media and such. And it's so fake because nobody is that perfect without any flaws, women reading this are probably going to laugh or just disagree but it's true, the perfect person you're looking for does not exist. But it's hard to accept that what you've got in your life already is just good enough for you if you just put some effort too in it. This is the opinion of a jealous by nature man who got crossed over many times and cheated on, who has lost just about all the trust in human nature and cannot even move on to smile again but finds strength in anger and the pain of losing his happiness. She betrayed me because she did not trust me enough to be honest with me and followed the people's opinions more than her own. Yet I still told her I will have to one day learn to live with what she's done and if she ever needs me again I'll have to be here for her and no other person will ever have the chance to get close to me like this and perhaps do the same thing to me as what she did. It is humiliating for a person to give a cheater a second chance. It's a strength very few have and show. Currently I'm working to build her a future, financially if nothing. I live a modest life just to save up more for her in case she will need it. I can't stand in her way of being happy even if it's not going to be next to me. But I will never let go of the love I have for this person, nobody will take it from me. Even if that means I'm wasting my own life for it. A husband's purpose is to support his little treasure. She is still special and I pray to God one day she will realise everything and it won't be too late... because, dead men tell no tales.
The problem is that my wife doesn’t care whether I’m changing or not. She just doesn’t care anymore. She’s saying that past harm can’t be overcome. At this point, I’m changing for me because I can’t expect anything from her.
How can they watch you if you can't stand to be with them in a platonic way? Every time I see her, we have a good time, we enjoy our company but every time I leave I feel like when she left all over again. Being around someone you love who doesn't love you back in the same way is gut wrenching.
Geoffrey nails this one. My wife filed for divorce and she gave me ZERO hope. She has also been hitting me with congruency tests (subtle insults etc). She informed me she is dating other men. Through this process she has been watching me like an FBI agent. I have not crumbled. I have remained bulletproof and untethered. My wife appears stunned by my emotionally regulated behavior. Thank you Geoffrey for your wisdom. I will keep you posted.
This an interesting point you're raising. My own wife is dead set on divorce and will soon move out. The thing I understand from so far from the few Geoffrey's videos I've watched is : change mindset and stop blaming your wife's character. But what if her behavior is actually unacceptable? (being abusive to the kids, being systematically mean in public, not doing her part in the house and so forth) What do you do then? Either you think women are overgrown children with no reason and no accountability, either some effort must be done too on her end? What do you think ? And I'm not shifting the blame to her: I have done pretty bad things and had bad behavior which I'm trying to change.
Watching your videos, gave me a different outcome than expected. I come here to give myself hope that one day she would wanna get back with me but after listening to you about becoming better version and emotional control, i made a decision that even if she doesnt come back, im okay with it, i forgive her, i love her so therefore im happy as long as she is even if it means not with me. All this give me internal peace whereas before this i was angry and sad that she left me without explanation. Thank you so much man.
Thank you for making this type of content, I really want to get my girlfriend back after she lost her feelings towards me. I'm not sure if I should move on or wait but she keeps getting out of reach, doesn't want to face me, and implying that we're really over. I'm just trying to make things right after the way I mistreated her, not in any abuse though, but because of my insensitivity and lack of sense like breaking my promises and letting her down for many reasons. I still love her.
It is just incredible how accurate you hit the nail on the head here. It is exactly what is currently in my relationship. You are a very brilliant young man and have thought a 50 year old what the problem is. Thank you so much for your contribution and it is comforting to have a way forward. Changes will be made and I see it now. Breaking the cycle….
You can’t force someone to love you. If she tells you it’s over, or her actions tell you it’s over, believe her. Take your dignity and leave. Life is too short.
I have been struggling a lot to create the low values nowadays, even though , in my understanding they don't add as much as the high ones in a relationship, i do belive that they are a must to have. Probably I've been struggling because i was not able to internally change as much as it's needed to. Thats why i lack the courage to talk to her again. Even if i have quite a path yet to walk I'm really glad that I'm aware of that and other things thanks to you. I manage to have the control of my emmotions and rationality back thanks to each eye opener video . I really appreciate your work. Keep it up. I will be back someday with great news about the relationship I'm trying to rebuild. I swear.
I would join your program if I had the money. My situation is as hopeless as I've ever felt. She doesn't love me, she's seeing someone else and she really believes that she'll get the house and the kids and her best friends are divorced. For 5 months I've been unable to create emotional safety. I don't know how to completely un-tether. Your videos are the only things that give me hope. That's for the hope.
You're welcome my man and appreciate your support. Like my team told you, we look forward to one day having you on board - never too late to become irreplaceable my dude.
@@GeoffreySetiawan thank you for the kind reply. I am redirecting and rededicating my energy to increasing my monetary value on a side hustle. With any luck and hard work I will have the income to join. I will continue the free videos as they are and work on myself. Your work is very appreciated. I have had some success with my wife and then extreme backwards direction. I am not yet good enough, but your videos give hope and motivation to keep going. I am out here. And others like me are out there and hoping. Thank you for being out there.
Your video's says you can still regain her with positivity hope and trying to be the best version of you even though if she leaves then accept nd let her go .
50% accurate. We must be precise as to what our definition of what it means to become the best version of you. If you do build the 5 pillars and the 3 layers of changes, no hope needed. In fact, requiring hope usually indicates that you lack clarity on the processes and path to get to your goal.
@@GeoffreySetiawan wow you're very sharp with your words and crystal clear clarity on your thought process... I'm amazed surprised and shocked... I'm following only two channel's you and Aaron doughty !!!
I put my hand on her shoulder and asked her to tell me how's she's feeling and she said nothing, she doesn't have anything on her mind about us, and that hurt, no choice but to walk away.
Hey Geoffrey, your videos have been a life saver! I've saved so many to rewatch, relisten and take notes on. My longterm gf broke up with me 1 month ago exactly. Since then I've been looking myself in the mirror and trying my best to improve. 2 weeks ago I reached out, opened a door and left it there. Still NC from her and I'm still workin on myself. My question today is that, do you have any encouragement or positivity to improvement when your partner is broken up or separated? I think these ideas are amazing and I appreciate all your videos.
Honestly - I think your best bet is to go watch my client interviews. Almost every single one of my clients unfortunately wait until things are extremely dire (broken up, separated, brink of divorce, or divorced) before taking the program. So hearing their zero to hero journey + the amount of dedication they place into learning the right principles is inspiring, at least for me. It's rare that you get to see a community or a group of people playing at such a high level in their lives and relationships as the people in those interviews! Think of those interviews like 5-10 YT videos rolled into 1. And all for free too! :)
She broke up with me just after Thanksgiving. 10 year relationship. Gone. I know the things that broke it. Anger on my side and forcing a trip to happen, trust broken on both sides. It's messy. But there was a lot of good. A LOT. My anger and even the forcing of the trip stemmed from expectations on my side, which i should have handled and communicated better. The trust was an issue on both sides. I just hope she'll remember all the good. The sacrifices. The time and care i gave. I wish there was a clear path to reignite those feelings she once had. I'm doing no contact. I'm dieting and exercising (lost 22lbs already). I'm fixing my home situation. I'm working on myself in every way. But I'm struggling to balance my feelings, as i still wish she were here with me
Just make sure you understand the difference between the type of "value" that is both necessary & sufficient vs. the type of lower level values that are just necessary, but not sufficient.
@GeoffreySetiawan I think there was a yearning on her part for the future I wanted with her. She expressed as much and in some cases sacrificed to try and make it a reality. Our biggest obstacle I think was distance since we were never able to live together properly. That opportunity to establish our own home and rules never came to be, which made it so her mom was a very prevalent obstacle. Even now she's firmly against us while the rest of her family is heartbroken over her decision. Just makes the no contact more difficult in many ways
@GeoffreySetiawan well, I can say I'm doing more for myself than just losing weight. I've been going to therapy as well to work on handling my own emotions. From anger to codependency. If that's what you mean more. In the end I understand it's not only me. But I'm all I have control over to change and improve
You are helping me to keep me sane rn.. Were 25 years old are together since 2016, got a daughter (almost 4) and a son (almost 2), I didn't do shit for a whole year, we smoked weed like idiots daily, didn't talk about our problems with each other, stuffed all of those emotions and questions into ourselves and couldn't open up, now she says she doesn't love me anymore, that her feelings are blocked, that she ofc "wuvs me" but that "love" and "sexual attraction" is gone. We are seeing each other everyday for we live together and we started to talk about things, I realized that I was the problem and I changed couple weeks ago and I am happy with my changes, she still let's me wobble like a fish on the hook. It breaks me but it also breaks her, she feels "guilty" of making me feel that way, while i tell her that she doesn't have to because her feelings rn are genuine and that I understand what went wrong, that if she needs time and space I am more than willing to give it to her. She now wants to go to her mothers place for a week, I said I'd go so she can stay with our children. I am going away for 3 days I think, I know going away is the wrong approach but what should I do? I just talked with her and we understood each other, that we should've talked last year, that I should've been around her more and help her with "life", but I wasn't and didn't. I didn't have a job or ambition, now I have a good Job for my future ambitions which I found and am doing more than I woulf at 100% last year, it's too late tho. She also didn't talk about her needs and emotions and shoved all of it under the rug, now it's all too late, we are talking yes but her feelings are numb. She doesn't want everything to be good again, she doesn't know how to want it and she doesn't know if she will ever again. I am standing strong tho. I changed not only for her but for my kids and myself, in hope that she falls in love with the person again that I rly am without hiding anything and being demotivated. But do you think it's hopeless though? Do you think we still got a future together or that she (in her prime rn) is going to want to live her life without me? I breaks me, my heart bleeds and I feel like suffocating to death, but am holding on to hope which feels non existent.. help?
I was with someone for 7 months after being friends for almost a year and she had a bad past, we both said we loved each other so much and she said I’m amazing. She said now she doesn’t have feelings for me, she said she will regret this but will be there for me as a friend and she wants space I’m not sure as I really want her back,
In my case, she told me that I’m the perfect guy, the guy of every girls dream, that the way I treat her is special n she’s grateful, BUT she now claims she doesn’t know if she loves me, but claims it’s due to her surroundings, to her social circle, and that’s it not me but her, since she “needs” to find herself 😣
My ex told me last night that there was no hope of her ever coming back, but today she told me the door is not completely closed & she’s not sure if she’ll be able to get back to the relationship part. She stated she wants to get back to the friendship that we had, which was for 5 years. We were really good friends. I want the relationship aspect back. We often talked about the future & goals. My family loves her & vise versa, which makes this more difficult to deal with. Any advice or positivity would be appreciated.
Interpret being "Friendzoned" in a positive way. She (subconciously) wants to keep you around at an armslength to observe you. She wants to see from a safe distance if you'll change for the better. Once you do she'll eventually come closer to you again. How do I know this? I was in the same boat. Take Geoffrey video to heart. Work on his teachings and you'll make it happen. Good luck man!
This is why so many people are having short lived shallow relationships, and can't built anything serious. They are stuck in the pick up phase where they give uncertainty and hot and cold instead of security to their partner. Security nowdays gets a bad rap as sth boring while it's a milestone of mature love and lifelasting friendship and reason why we make sacrifices for one another, because they are always there for us. Just think about it.
I'm going through this right now. So I'm giving her some space. But my lies and looking at other women it what destroyed the relationship. But I am slowly changing
I've seen the Limerence video. Definitely hard to exclude her second life from my mind, but that's only the battle . keep on keeping on ladies and gents. ➕➕
Thank's a lot for your videos ! I still don't know if i can get my girl back, but at least that's really motivating, and help to find good & bad things i can still do while wanting to do better. Thank's man :)
We are way past all of this. I am 53 and she is 57. She is already past the change of life. Last relationship in my mind. She just says she wants to be alone and doesn't like me or anyone. This is a tough one. I'm still here, but she just wants life to be over. I don't know how to motivate her. There is no more sex anymore btw. She said that she will not go to the DR to get herself fixed and that I would ""watch her rot." 😮
My wife and I split up yesterday. She gave me her engagement ring back. Words can’t explain how much it hurt. I took her for granted so I understand why she left. I love her! I hope by giving her space and time she’ll decide to give me another chance.
My Girlfriend of 4 Years told me on Thursday that she likes me very much, but doesn’t love me anymore and has some feelings for a friend of hers. We had a very emotional Konversation on Friday (since we live about 1hour because of university) and since we both have people in care-facilities right now, we visited them together and had one of the most wonderful weekends. No Fighting, a lot of cuddling and good memories. On Monday she was gone, I packed all my things from her place and told her I’d give her space and time. I also told her I would seek psychological help for my narcissistic behavior. No I’m alone in my apartment and want to call her and show her that I want to change, but we won’t see each other until week’s end. What should I do?
Sir. You are NOT a narcissist if you are being dumped. You might be insecure. She is out of your life already. She only broke the news to you, but it is not the news to her. Grieve, go alone or with male friends, hit the gym, go Nofap, go fasting, go travel alone for a week without your phone. Your goal is to re-learn your own sense of value and grow back your balls. Your old pair is gone with your ex who got the full and deadly grab of it. Don’t ever take her back.
Ok can you do a video on what to do when you've been separated for a few years already at this point and she's onto her 2nd guy now. I appreciate what you are saying and it sounds great but my situation does feel particularly hopeless. It's been 4 years now. Got close again after her next relationship fucked up only for her to choose another guy again. We've got kids and I just want my family back.
@@solodad001 it bothered me at first and to be honest it still does but not as much. I've accepted that my shitty decisions, attitude and needy behaviour facilitated this. Also I have no control over what she does while separated and that also means that I am free to do the same it's just that I have chosen not too but that doesn't forbid me from it. And in fact I probably should just to regain some confidence but not be a rude about it or rub it in. I've realised you can never show that you're bothered by it otherwise you lose power and emotional respect. And I know that I would still want her back so that it's something that you have to pretend doesn't bother you until you get to a place where it doesn't. But if you ever show it bothers you it's a big loss for you just gotta be cool about it. No different from an ex having had partners before you. Not many of us were virgin married so I accept it for what it is. It just hurts to be not chosen as a first priority and it bruises the ego which turns us off sexually but you just gotta get ok with it. However you can. Being non reactive is vitally important as the more you show emotional weakness (jealousy pride anger etc) then you're fucked and set yourself back. The reason I've discovered is because those traits annihilate their feelings of safety security love respect and trust. Because those traits are all traits that psychos have. Now it doesn't mean that we are psychos. In fact we have those feelings because we do actually love and care for them but showing them that side is a bad idea. I am processing those emotions, feeling them and letting them go it is hard as hell. So don't bottle it up Because it will come out eventually at her. If you feel shitty politely take a step back. Say this is not a good time for me to discuss this or can we talk later please and proceed to maturely disengage till you are ready to reengage do not react to these tests. It's unconscious provoking on their part to see if you are safe to be around. Even if you are the bad reactions will create the feeling that you are not. I now just respond politely firmly then make a joke. E.g. I got accused of snooping when I knocked my head on the bathroom cabinet that was slightly open as I stood up from the sink and nail polish spilled everywhere when confronted I just said firmly but calmy look I already told you what happened I explained then I made a joke and said what you think I want to steal your nail polish? You think of look pretty with pink nails? Then I laughed, she laughed heaps too and then I changed topic and she was good again whereas before we'd have had a huge blow up with me being defensive. It's super hard to do but I've been practicing for awhile now even in imaginary conversations. Be non reactive be non defensive. It's a long term game. Also these habits will become second nature with enough practice I've done this strategy multiple times now and we haven't fought in months even those she's tried too. Also if you can master this the other guy or guys will fuck up eventually could take years but they will. Also these skills will help in every area of your life kids teachers work etc emotional mastery will set you above everyone. And if they don't come back the next relationship will be better because most men can't control their emotions as we are not taught too anymore. It's skipped a few generations. Gotta be masculine but kind no shit taken no shit given calm and understanding but firm and loving. All the best.
@@hdshjs thanks mate. I've grown a lot these past few months it took me over three years not to be suicidal etc but I'm a million times better than I was and in some ways I'm better than I was when we were first in love but in other areas I realise I'm worse and in some areas I've grown and some I haven't but it's all a process. I realise now that if I'd moved out of my shitty rental next to violent druggies changed jobs to get away from my abusive boss and stopped numbing myself with distractions I would have stopped being suicidal a lot longer ago. I've been happy to be alive for about 15 months now. Life had to get so bad at work and my environment till I could do anything about it. It's hard to not change things when it's just not bad enough for you even if you know you need too. Now I'm studying to be a teacher, my new job is ok but a lot better the the old one and my living situation is vastly improved. I'm doing limited contact because because I pursues wayyy to much. As the dust settles I'll gradually increase interactions. At least they're average to positive now instead of a minefield. Hope your doing well too man. Feel free to drop a comment back and let me know how you're going. All the best.
My husband has put down his foot that he’s done. I found this video helpful for trying to see from his perspective! Do you have a video if a guy tells his girl that he’s done? Is it pretty much the same mindset as this video?
What if she did leave and move out. We’re separated about 2 months now. Not divorced. We been together 25 years. How does she know I’m changing if we have limited contact
Hello. Great videos. Do you have advice for people who were in a relationship but didn't live together? My girlfriend of 11 months just broke up with me and I'm devastated. The last month or so she was avoiding meeting up with me and mentioning work as an excuse. In our last arguments she said that she was out of love for me for the last 4 months or so. What can I do to get her back?
Im gonng through this right now....i just lost a 10 year relationship. Im at the point of do i try and move on pr do i wait. A big part of me realy wants to wait and see how things go while working on myself but the other half really thinks its over.
Let me ask you this she wanted a divorce. Then settled for a separation after I convinced her I do want to work on in and not thrown in the towel she moved out after I caught her in a lie ask me to help her move Occasionally has sex still during the separation Does ask about having family nights still. But does not want to talk about the issues. Due to her saying then that she's tried for so long and only now im trying when she is about to leave. We are trying counseling by the end of the week to see if a third party can help what do you think. I don't blame her I'm not mad scared yes buti reflected a lot I just don't know if I learned to late
She said she doesn't love me the same way anymore when we broke up. I messaged her after 2 weeks and she mentioned her desicion stands and she doesnt think it would be good for both of us to meet and talk. I just don't know what to do anymore.
My situation is very stressful because she's sleeping in a different room same house and we haven't had sex for about a year and 11 months. Not counting new years, we both got really drunk. She used that excuse.
Your content have made has given be hope. I do have a question? I have hurt her a lot the past year have been empty promises. She said she’s not in love, and is very hurt, and needs time and space. Which I had a hard time with but have gotten better using your basic method we are having mini conversations about how I have hurt her. She says she’s no thing out in a month, but says she might not. What is your take on this?
My gf which I was in a relationship with for almost 3yrs and even got engaged to said that she loss feelings for me and she just can't love me anymore and that breaks my heart alot but I sometimes go to their house when she calls me over and text and calls with her and I want her to be in love with me again please how can I do to make her love me again someone help me please, because id rather die than not being in a relationship with her I love her so much I gave her my everything and devoted to her fully already and those things are impossible for me to take it back now ..😢
Many many good points, do not get me wrong. But sometimes the woman a man is with is just not compatible and some women are toxic. These times this will not help the guy much.
Myself and many of my clients used to say the same thing, until we learned that incompatibility is just: 1) Two people are aren't able to discuss their differences, usually because one (often both) does not possess the internal state (e.g. Antithetic thinking, fluid identity, true open-mindedness, and emotional literacy) or the external state (e.g. the frameworks) to lead deeper discussions over differences. 2) Without the skill in #1, your relationships will tend to get slowly destroyed over the tiny differences that you have, and these differences will slowly degrade your relationship. So you realize that #1 is a skill you must learn, now or later. I made some deep videos about this recently. Feel free to peruse if you'd like to learn some things that may be in your blind spot.
She left me on read after I told her I'd change and I want to talk to her on the phone when she gets better. Then we remained with no contact for 14 days Was it a bad thing I waited 14 days without double texting her?
Been with my gf 12years. We share a kid together. I help pay towards rent and all other bills. Today she tells me im not good enough and that i dont contribute enough. She does this every other year. I dont get it. I clean house. I do all the laundry. Etc. Any advice eould help
I'm afraid she'll start to watch you unless she's in lkmerance, or "twin flame journey as my wife calls it. With my changes, I just made her life difficult honestly. And she almost even hated me for them at first.
Thanks for the good video. I need this. Btw, I wanted to go for your Free 5 step program but I need to know what time zone the sessions held? UST? I’m in Singapore so there is a time diff. Thanks!
My wife has left after telling me too much has happened in the relationship and she hasn’t loved me in 8-9 months. Is there any way she may realise that she actually wants to get back?
What if my partner (or ex now) all of the sudden moved out of our apartment, and left me, and found a new place a 2 hour drive away.. how am I going to show her my changes then?
I've cheated in my ldr girlfriend by texting multiple women, she found out about it, we broke up, and then eventually got back together. All of a sudden she has these doubts again and tells me that she loves me but she likes another guy and she needs time to think about my relationship with her. How do I reassure her trust and to win her back?
Best thing to do is change your identity. I've used my terrible childhood as an excuse for a long time and dragged her down with me. Your past doesn't determine your future self.
She strung me among for months n didnt communicate to issues to me until the break up. By then she already had told me she didnt love me. Does this apply to her?