Should I End My Engagement Because of This? 

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Ending an engagement is MUCH EASIER than a divorce. Trust me on that!

We had to do six weeks of pre-marriage counseling in my church. We had to discuss finances, children, faith, we even had to discuss debt. I think most people spend more time planning the wedding than they do the marriage.

If you need to call a radio show to ask "is this a red flag" then you already have your answer. Follow your gut. You clearly know the right answer.

"He's A Free Spirit!" Set him free.

Girl holding giant red flag: “Is this a red flag?”

She knows deep down.....

I wouldn't recommend marriage at this time. They are already arguing about money before marriage, it will be a disaster.

So, she spent her 20’s getting an education. He spent his 20’s traveling and partying. 🤔 Very different priorities.

“It’s very clear he expects me to put the 20% down”.....omg....RUN 🏃‍♀️

Don't marry a liar. Period. It won't end well.

Say it with me kids: Have financial conversations BEFORE you think about getting engaged. They aren’t on the same page, not even close. Dave, as always nails it on the head, the issue is reflected in the money. It’s not about the money.

~100k total debt. ~44k of student loans = ~56k of farting around. If you think you can change someone who financed ~56k in farting around, you’re crazy.

Never marry someone while hoping they will change. Maya Angelou nailed it when she said "When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them."

I had a partner who really wanted to buy a house. He was a free spirit who had no savings, worked minimally, refused to work more, and wanted everything high end. Dumped him hard and fast. Rather have a humble home than someone using me. She is being used.

Rule of thumb, do not marry anyone that according to you has red flags. People are not perfect and we can appreciate someone else's flaws, but a red flag is something that is already telling you to not go for it.

It’s not just the debt. Both my husband and I had debt when first married, but we were both on the same page before saying “I do” and paid off every credit card and student debt our first two years of marriage.

If you're unsure about marrying someone DON'T

I like how Dave is PRO marriage, PRO good relationships and using good rationale. Heart AND brain combined.

Just no. Don’t get married. He will destroy you financially.

John jump in here 😂

Wow. Pre-marital counseling sounds like it should be REQUIRED of people thinking about getting married!

Girl, just walk away. This is a long, drawn out lecture that can be summed up by saying you have different priorities and you should go your separate ways.

Stop! Do not pass go, and do not collect this mans debt. For him to assume your the one paying the 20% down payment while he picks out high end items shows you he is the type to look like a million bucks but have to have sleep for dinner. Get out. He lacks responsibility/accountability.

Ended a relationship similar to this but it was the lady who was the “free spirit”. Dodged a bullet and ended up marrying a dr. The other lady moved to LA and is still partying at 29.

"He accrued his debt though travel, backpacking and playing". Sounds like he's looking for a Sugar Mama to take care of him.

From someone who's been thru it: Ask yourself what other secrets he is keeping, or will keep from you in the future. He's not the one hon.

Why do people always overlook the lies, or downplay the lies? It’s betrayal, it kills trust, it sets you up for a life of questioning.

If it looks like a red flag, if it sounds like a red flag, and you're calling it a red flag - it's a red flag, unfortunately.

The fact that "end my engagement" is already a conversation just ... over ma'am.

i would leave him ,i was married to a person who did not think about money like i did and it was miserable. couple of months after finally being divorced she called me asking questions on how to make a budget.

She secured her future and now views him as a potential liability. Can't say I blame her....I'd do the same thing.

She's looking for a reason to leave the relationship. Why is she even asking other than looking for approval? She's basically saying she spent money to build herself up, and he messed around and she's wanting to end it.

Red flag 🚩he says to her “YOU put down 20%.”

If someone asks if they should end an engagement - they already have.

They are not a match personality wise. She a type A but he isn't even on the alphabet list.

You'd have to be bat-s*** crazy to plan a house build with someone to whom you're not married. You're 36yo, end the relationship now and move on. Sorry, it's over.

She was just looking for someone to give her permission to run. She wanted them to tell her she was right and he's wrong and run.

Values are different? Nope. She would be marrying someone in hopes that they will exhibit behavior that he has never before exhibited. It is called "marrying someone hoping you can change them."

Marriage is hard enough when you agree on money and debt. I don’t think she should lighten up at all.

HAPPY TO SEE DAVE BACK!!!!!

Caller: My wife is sleeping with another man. Dave: Sell the car.

She's talking about him like he's a child. I can imagine how the "conversations" went. And Dave makes a good point about him probably not taking the debt as seriously as she does, it's not unusual for people to do that when they're single and they're only accountable to themselves. These two need serious premarital counseling, and I'm speaking from experience.

Lying by Omission is still a lie, due to shame, guilt and fear internally in the mind.

She never answered the question: was she operating on her assumptions or did he lie to her?

Was he lying about his debt... or was he so disorganized that he just didn't know?

He's not ready! You are not on the same page. He's on the free spirit page, you are on the financial page. Proceed cautiously!

Lying about finance is an instant kill stroke to a relationship. Saddling you with enormous debt is a kill stroke And if you call a stranger for relationship advice that should be a dealbreaker too.

“You lighten up and he serious’s up.” Dave nailed it there.

Not being transparent IS LYING. Period.

With finances being one the main reasons for divorce, going into a marriage without being on the same page in that regard is a recipe for disaster.

This young lady is so very SMART...I believe she needed confirmation from Dave, in which Dave and Ken gave great fatherly advice. But, I think I would let him know that if he will not pay off 50% off of His own debt, then there's no marriage or house together. I believe he was not transparent on purpose, and knew she would have no debt soon, and that he would take advantage of this situation.

4:55 “It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.” -Joker

I can so relate to her. I find it hard to respect what I consider, irresponsible actions.

If you're that worried now, it will never get better.

If a 36 year old man is careless with his money, don’t marry him at this time or ever. Not knowing how much the balances are is careless. If he doesn’t feel it is a burden...what other responsibility will not be burdensome to him? This is his personality, it’s not just about the debt. If he’s not a liar, he is a not focused on advancing himself and having his life in order. If it were me, I wouldn’t be able to respect or admire him over the long term. Maybe she’s in love or thinks he’s a catch but girl...If he’s still a boy, you’re going to turn into a mommy. Sad but true.

Is she single now?? She seems like a very smart and great women.

This sounds like stuff that should prevent an engagement and building a house, why on Earth proceed?! There's no kid, there's no marriage, there's no reason to begin with problems, there are tons of other wonderful potential spouses out there, don't be in a rush.

Very hard for the long haul to marry someone with different financial values. I would definitely advise waiting. Have personally lived this situation and it was like an anchor tied around my ankle. Do not build the house!

I agree with the marriage counseling! As little 19 and 20 year olds getting married, my husband and I discussed opinions and decisions on finances, children, household duties, etc! We knew at 19 years old that if we had kids, I would stay home to raise and school them, and that’s just what we have done. No surprises! Also, I had $2,000 in debt when we got married. My new husband paid it off that first month from his savings account before we joined bank accounts. Bless him!!

That’s pretty much a deal breaker because if she marries him you’ll be responsible for his 100,000 in debt. Most marriages end because of financial reasons.

So glad I took these steps with my fiance already. I am working hard to be debt free in the next few years before or shortly after we get married!

"The money doesn't matter, what it's exposing is that you value different things....your values are different and it's reflected in the money. " Well said Dave. I like how you supported Kasey's instinct without condemning her fiancée's lifestyle choices.

Very surprised that they both said that this relationship was salvageable. He LIED TO HER.

This is pretty close to my marriage story. This guy isn’t going to change. He’s going to always spend and she will always be frustrated and maybe even grow bitter towards him. This is exactly like my husband who is also 36 and already stuck in his ways. She’s too responsible for him. She’s too ahead of the game for him. Eventually she will turn into his mother!! Ugh!

His mishandling of money and lying etc is an outward expression of an inward spiritual condition. Run sister!

If I was her i’d just leave him. If it was the other way around everyone here would be saying the same to leave her. If you men wouldn’t want a woman with all that debt we we don’t want it either.

She obviously wants to dump him but she's 36 so she doesn't want to start over, either. Ladies - this is the danger of waiting to your 30s to find someone.

When my husband and I got married I gladly turned the finances over to him as he is excellent with money management. We have all we need, a great retirement fund and spend sensibly. God has blessed us.

Put everything on hold with this man until all your money issues are resolved.

Yes,! I'm currently in Premarital Christian Counseling, a 12 wk course! Discusses EVERYTHING YOU COULD THINK OF and I THANK GOD we did it. We both were challenged to change our views and habits. Long story short, don't move forward without premarital counseling!

Backpacking and high end house materials don’t go together IMO

Another good question to ask each other before you get married is "What are you expecting of me".

It sounds like you have had a fundamental shift in how you live and spend money and he hasn’t. Having different values is a valid reason to end an engagement!

I think its very important to be on the same page financially before you even thing about getting in a relationship. I told my, now, wife on our 3rd date what my financial goals, views are and asked her if she agreed and she did!

Financial Disparity is serious when it comes to marriage men may judge and say "if the situation were reversed" but the reality is women need a man who's financially responsible because if she ends up pregnant she'll be dependent on him with the added responsibilities of motherhood. Red flags are exactly that, listen to what your intuition is telling you.

why did you get engaged????

You don't need to marry him 🙃 Sounds like you do very well for yourself. He is still a boy. She probably feels rushed cause she is 36.

36 years old and 100k in debt at what point would he expect to retire

DO NOT MARRY HIM! HE IS A LIAR!!! He is trying to go you half his debt.

"Should I End My Engagement Because of This?" The answer to that question is always yes.

I was kinda hearing she was putting the money on the house, and he's spending it on fancy upgrades.... and she's worried he won't financially help pay for it all.

Had a friend years ago about to get married for a second time and a couple weeks before the wedding he told another friend of his that he was having doubts about this marriage. The other “friend” said… you have to go through with it, everything is planned. Ugh. When he told me this I almost died. I told him… “ You know what I would have said, don’t you”. and he said he knew. The marriage lasted six months because she got pregnant by another man. My friend had a vasectomy many years ago and it was impossible for it to be his.

That comment about how she's judged his debt vs her debt was spot on.

My advice would be not to go into a marriage with debt ...

They agreed that the house was a bad idea right now. The one thing they ignored was that if the couple got married, his debt would become her debt. Especially in Texas. That should have been made clear. If they want to stay together that's great, but clear the debt before the marriage!

Bottom line, you carry the load and he is a grasshopper. You will be the ant and he will enjoy the fruits of your labor. You don't need it, move on.

Being on the same page is crucial to a good marriage. I can say that because I married and divorced after 10 years of marriage.

Like we'd tell all guys. Run, right? Racking up debt for fun? $50K plus still his student loans at 36. Just like excessive shopping debt, or gambling, or such.

7:32 - Dave Ramsey: "Dump the house" Me: Dump him too. The two of you are just TOO different for things to work out. Look for someone who exists on your own plane. He doesn't.

They need counseling to ensure that they’re on the same page. Otherwise, this is destined to fail.

The fact you’re calling a radio show and having these kind of doubts is reason enough.

Yes end engagement, yall have so much to work out. Because now you know..get priorities in order ✨️💙✨️

As someone who divorced. Thank God it was an easy one. Have these conversations before marriage. It doesn't get better later just harder.

“Every wedding is an opportunity for a marriage.” It’s not guaranteed!! Your doubts-listen!!! They will only get louder in your head

Seriously your talking about a house together still while the marriage isn't even sure. Go with your gut instinct it seems like you know the answer so break it off.

Low key, most divorces happen because people make assumptions about their partners based on their POV but they never ask a direct questions. Stop making assumptions and address these core issues, talk!!!

Run, don't walk, away from this guy. If he is not on board with your outlook on debt you are going to have major issues going forward. Don't expect him to change at this point in his life.

Wow. It's scary how close this was to my situation earlier this year. We weren't engaged, but we were going to counseling. My partner had massive amounts of student loan debt and I was debt free. I'm similar to the caller where I hated debt. My partner did as well...kind of. However, they had this debt for the entirety of our relationship (~5y mark, Dave would've told us to paint or get off the ladder lol) before it ended. My whole issue was exactly what the caller was dealing with. There was no sense of urgency on their part to get rid of the debt. They said they were "working on it". Getting out of debt isn't something you "work on". You take extra jobs and work 60-80 hours a week. No life, no out to eat, no vacation. Nothing. They did not want to do that and barely worked 35h a week. I feel for the caller because it sucks. Dave's parting comment at the end about a good counselor will cause the relationship to end before you get to marriage hit me right in the feels. Sigh.

ughhh she's feeling the burn. Being 36 and not married without kids is O.K. I know sometimes opposites attract but Dave is right... there is so much that isn't on the same page, same views.. If you have one that has no interest in financial security and one that is all about financial security, there isn't going to be teamwork.. Dave gives solid advice but man he nailed all of it this time around, marriage counseling and then bail if things don't align.