yeah just drop them, seriously especially if they don't invite you or tell you that they will come to visit you and just flake every single time or they tell you that they are busy but hangout with other people. Just boom drop them
I try to interact with people I like, friends and family, as much as I can, in a positive manner. But when I start noticing that they're not reciprocating, for whatever reason, I start backing away -- this is over a period of months and years. I don't know if it's something I said or did, or what, but I think it's ridiculous for me to place so much importance on the relationship when it's not being reciprocated. The people I like, the people I select to be friends have a lot going for them, but so do I. As soon as I get the vibe that they don't have the time or want to be bothered with me I back away. I recognize that there are seasons to life, so someone may be having a hard time or be unavailable for a few months or years, because of school, job/career, family crisis, etc. So I'm not dropping them entirely. If they want to reach out to me, I will respond in a friendly manner. I like Marie's metaphor of putting them on a back burner -- they're a lower priority in my life. And people change, and circumstances change, so it's entirely possible that we meet up or talk a year or two from now and be the best of friends. If not, oh well. Not every friendship is going to last a lifetime.
I agree. This is true once you enter your 30’s and 40’s. I’m 32 and my social circle is smaller than in my 20s. I know people who are married, have kids, have passions they’re pursuing, so I just lay low with them until further notice. No hard feelings.
@@nylotus It depends. I've asked a few times. Most of the time when I ask though, in as diplomatic a way as I can, they get very defensive, abrupt, and deny it, etc. That's why I don't make a big deal about it anymore, I just put them on a back burner -- as much contact as they initiate with me, I reciprocate. I match their level of interest.
@@111Phoenix777 the defensive, angry etc., is a pretty clear indication they know. I agree with you confronting isn’t really worth it. Changing the priority you give them is the way to go.
Thank you Marie, I needed to hear this. I have this friend who's been acting this way. For years it was me initiating calls, conversations, worrying about their life, and basically making myself available and running to their side when they needed someone. But I had this gut feeling that told me everyone else was more important. There was always another person, and other priorities. The pandemic hit and it was me always making contact to find out if they were okay. But even before that, friend always seemed to put up a wall, always derailing topics to small talk and thus, our deep personal connection was gone. I tried to appeal to their feelings (several times I told them that I felt we'd grown apart), but all I got were denials and laughter. After careful consideration, I finally decided to never bring it up again and simply put them in the "back burner", along with my own feelings and memories; hoping to move on without any room for resentment, anger or attempts of confrontation. I'll try to be there if they need me, keep it short and sweet if they call or we happen to cross paths, but I am no longer trying to keep the friendship alive by inserting myself into my friend's life. Accepting that people won't meet your expectations and that you're not as important to them as they are to you may be painful to process, but there is peace in it. And now I can devote all this time and energy into things that will make me grow as a person.
Peripheral friends, especially if once they were once closer to you but distanced themselves from you later with promises to meet or phone but then nothing happened, are simply baggage. Best dropped entirely because their distancing and your wondering what happened will soon be a drain on your emotional wellbeing. A true friend is someone who meets your needs and you meet theirs too, they are not someone who is just a dead weight in your life or someone who has a duty call on your time out of politeness. A bad friend is worse than no friend.
I feel like this about all of my friends, ever since they got into relationship they don't bother with me as much anymore and I miss them but I don't have anyone else :(
I have a group of friends that I would have dropped everything for. However, over the course of the pandemic they made it clear that I was not important to any of them. I’m sure I’ll bump them at times but I’ll never be there in any way for any of them again. If they fall down on the sidewalk, instead of helping them up, I’ll snap a picture and post it to social media
I already dropped a friend that used to mean a lot to me. I wish I had the guts to just move on from what happened and keep her in my life as nothing had happened. But I don't. I rather stay away from someone that I can't hope to be there for me as I was to her.
I’ve been doing this a lot lately. I treat relationships accordingly. I’m in my 30’s and I’m slowly trying to stop getting offended when the friendship isn’t what it used to be. I know people who married, have kids, pursuing their passion, taking care of others, career focused, dating, etc. people have lives and I do too. I don’t mind hanging out casually with others, but I don’t go out of my way entirely for people who aren’t a priority and their busy doing their thing. My line of communication is open UNLESS someone does me real dirty.
I dropped a friend 6 months ago. Best think I did altough it was quit painfull. I texted her that we grow apart from eachother and that I wish her the best. Never heard from her. We were friends for 9 years but I always felt I did more for the friendship then she did. She was also really obsessed with stuff like pokemon and often only talked about that
I dropped them because when I was in a foreign country,they not only did not ask me when I was gonna come back,they even did not write a single *hi bro how are you*....that changed my relationship to them.They didn't care about me and now they are wondering why I am ignoring them(but I guess they still do not care at al)
Marie... How do I get people to accept the fact that I don't want kids? I'm 34, own two businesses, travel the world, and love my life. I enjoy the freedom that comes along with not having children. Not to mention, women having children in America is the lowest it's been in 40 years! It's quite common now for women to be more career focused than wanting families.The divorce rate is also at a historical high. Why can't independent, successful women be celebrated rather than scrutinized.
@@coffeeandcream4704 Definitely wrong on that one. I celebrate myself daily. I want people I know to stop asking the question. Simple as that. Try reading what I wrote again. Scrutinized and questioned constantly is what I'd like to stop. I also think a lot of it is jealously or envy. With the divorce rate higher than it's ever been I think many wish they had a care free life with no strings attached or the physical and financial freedom that I have from not having children. Misery loves company.
If they're people you know, you could cut them off and enjoy your life. You don't need anyone's approval to be happy. They just want to bring you down.
@@madam-mim I'm not seeing approval. I'm just sick of being asked. They live lives I would dread having and would hate to drop someone simply because we have different lifestyles. But constantly asking is annoying.
I'm not sure why others are saying you're seeking approval. I don't see it that way. Sounds like you're sick of being asked. I'd say if your friends keep asking, ask them if they think being a parent is more fun/enjoyable than the life you live. I can assure you most would say no. I'm a marriage therapist and I can't tell you how many people I have come in who regret their marriage and in many cases regret having kids. These conversations typically take place when their spouse isn't in the room. Most want the life you live. Ignore them or dump them but don't put up with them repeatedly asking when you're going to "settle down".
I love this! So real. Thank you. Good modeling. I need this because my best friend who usually gives me this kind of direction is gone into her alcoholism.
I "dropped" two friends who didn't reciprocate. I deleted them from my phone and thought I'd never hear from them again. To my surprise, they started calling me. We now hang out often. Both these guys said they hadn't made a new pal in ages and didn't know how to respond when they had to decline my initial invites.
People are more self focused and less respectful and are just thinking about themselves. They only really care about how they feel and what they think. I have noticed they like pretending they are perfect but lack respect. Its all about them if people show disrespect they lack respect. They are just not thinking about people's feelings. Respectful people are more mature and sympathetic and are thinking about people's feelings. The best way to avoid inconsiderate people is to just keep it polite with people you are not friends with. And dont talk to people if you dont need to talk to them to avoid rudeness.
I agree with you but can you say narcissist sweetie! That's what you encountered .they dont care about you nor reach out to you it's all selfish a holes. It's not you its them. Move on
@@sl7805 iis all about them they are only thinking about themselves. It's best to keep it polite with people like that. But dont expect to much from them. Because they are too interested in themselves. And they only say and do what suits them.
Great advice Marie. As I age thankfully little by little I gain insight and wisdom on what I need as an individual. Typically I find myself although I am married content with spending time alone as far as friends go. Mostly because I recognise that most people won't fill any needs that I have. That's not to say the on occasion I won't Respond or reach out to a friend but I'm a lot more content with not needing to just fill my time with empty fillers. Although I try to be forthright and polite I'm a lot less apologetic for just being who I am. I also am very good with discernment and I now listen and watch how people are before I consider them a friend. For instance if a person immediately starts speaking of other people and gossiping about them that's usually a red flag that they're not going to be a good friend to me. Now that's not to say that once you've had time with a person and they have shown to be of good quality not a person who's out to tear people down That you might confide something in them privately about a situation but it should always be something that comes back to helping you or them work thru something. Also praying and asking for guidance when you may feel lonely is sometimes very helpful for you . The best thing that you can do is try to remember that if a persons not capable of meeting your needs then then there's really nothing you can do to change that other person to than be a good example. That should only be for the short term though. We all have our lives and the things that revolve around it. It's not to say that we should just cut someone out of our life unless they are truly toxic. You would know what that is if you really know yourself. When you have those feelings of pain in your body that just feels more than uncomfortable when this person is hurtful to you most likely that's a toxic relationship and you should listen to those signs in your body . We can always forgive with the Lord's help but we shouldn't allow poison to keep entering into our life.
Hi Marie, Thank you for these great videos! I sometimes think like whatever I say is wrong. I have this couple as my neighbors and the lady just flat out hated me. It is obvious the way she looks at me and everything. I stayed friendly because I really like people. I change my apartment and I am in a different floor from them now. Just saw her in the elevator and she was pregnant. I asked her if she felt ok with me going in the elevator although I had a mask on. She said yes. I asked how she was doing and congratulated her and asked about her other daughter. As she was leaving I said aww and you will have another cute one. She said well I hope so. As I held the elevator door for her I said oh but there is no other way. They have to be cute. Like babies are always cute. She gave me the weirdest look and just walked away. Like I can’t tell you what a sharp look it was. I was shocked. All these years I have been nothing but polite and friendly and both her and her husband are so bizarre. I always wondered how come none of the other neighbors talk to them. I know they are cold but they are making me really self conscious, I sometimes decide not to talk to anyone ever again.
Sorry everybody I’m asking too many questions. Dear Marie, I don’t know if this only happens to me or is it a usual thing. I don’t know what to tell those who give me sad and “sympathetic” looks for not being married and not having kids. I am single and child-free by choice. Have to focus on my career, get finances together,... when I see acquaintances who have kids I ask how their family is doing and wow what a beautiful little baby,... general courtesy. They reciprocate with “so are you okkkkk? How are youuuu?” With the look one would give someone back from the Titanic. I go ahead saying doing well,... they won’t back off, deep eye contact, goood? Really? Well, yes, really. Not sure what else to do. It is embarrassing when this happens in a group. 😄 Thank you so much, Marie for your attention and I hope you forgive my many questions.
I work full time and in a relationship. I barely sleep. I love all my friends but I feel spent a lot of the time. If they ever needed me for a problem I’d drop everything. I love them I’m just tired all the time.
hey, I have a question I have a group of 3 and whenever I am around them, I feel like I don't fit in because the other two do everything together. Whenever I am going outside of school with them, the other two talk with each other and I barely get to do anything. But when I say I don't want to go with them, they end up not doing anything. I really like this friend group, but I don't know what to do. Please, if you have time please answer my question I feel useless every single day, I feel like I don't really have any purpose in the group
Hii I was wondering if u could help me with this. So I have a friend who I sit with with other girls at lunch and I always talk to her, but she’s always sensitive and can’t handle constructive criticism like she always has to be right, it’s really annoying what should I do? They’re sensitive and I don’t wanna hurt they’re feelings but they’re also really annoying and I help them a lot and pay attention that they’re included but they don’t seem to pay attention to me that much. If u can help me with what I can do that would be great (btw I’m in high school) 💛
Back off them for a while. If they aren't giving you any effort to listen to you or acknowledge you. Switch tables too make them realize who they could lose if yall don't re-evaluate the friendship!
Why would an envious friend insist on remaining as friends when you say do not contact with me ? Why would someone want to control your everything and act as if they are so innocent and good-intended whereas they are deliberately trying to cause harm as much as they can . Even it's obvious that I am aware . They just insist on not revealing themselves. They deny everything. I just do not understand if you are bad you are bad why would you try to appear good doing bad. Can you shed a light on this ?
What if someone invites You out but ends up ignoring you the whole time? Just talks about themselves but not even to you but to some else that is there.
update: basically I knew this was coming, but they have all called me out for being mean and horrible to them. I have all sent them heartfelt apologises, but one of them continued to be mean and kinda harass me online. I understand I was wrong for being mean and rude, and I've apologised to them and I am going to try and change, but I dont know what to do. please help Marie.
Well, you’ve apologized so if they forgave you, it’s all okay. And that one last person who harasses you, it’s best if you just ignore them. You apologized, and they’re right for being mad but they shouldn’t continue being mean to you after you’ve apologized, so it’s their problem now. Just try your best to be better in the future and try not to talk too much to that last person, perhaps block them
@@emilyrose3490 hi Emily, thanks for taking time to reply. I have cut off contact with the girl who won't stop, I just feel so so awful. ill feel okay but then ill remember everything they told me, because I know its all true. I literally have no friends now, and I mean it really is my fault. its the worst worst feeling, and if I've taken anything from it, is to not talk shit behind peoples backs. I am a teenager and I know its somewhat normal but I would not give the feeling of losing everyone you love to anyone. they have all said they need distance from me and I agree bc I am so toxic its just so so awful right now.
I've done this recently. I have 2 coworkers that I thought were friends but I notice they mostly talk to me about other ppl. Made me feel that they were talking about me to others. Just rubbed me the wrong way.
Be careful with coworkers they can act like your friends but they usually are talking behind your back. My manager told me that a coworker was saying all sorts of stuff behind my back and he told me not to help the coworker with anything. That's a sign of a good manager.
I have a "friend" that only talks to me when she wants something and cant take no for an answer. I blocked her and she came to my house and keep forcing things. I dont wanna be friends with her.😒
Hi Marie, My name is solomon and I need some help so I’ve been talking to this girl for a while that I met on Instagram. Me and her connected easily but I have a insecurity because I was diagnosed with Autism. Also she would post so many pictures on Instagram to get attention to show off her body which bothers me. Also I don’t know how to tell her. I feel like not telling her at all and masking myself to be a entire different person. I am actually first meeting up with her next Friday and I wanted to ask you if you can please upload a video about this :)
Be yourself and be honest. If she is flaunting herself on social media for attention she might have her own issues anyway. She might just be that hot girlfriend you have for 6 months and poof gone.
@@nylotus 1st off I'm NOT YOUR DEAR! 2nd I have a right to my opinion! 3rd why are you even on this channel? Issues eh? I scrolled saw what was written and dont need some punk assed brat telling me what I have to do. Apparently you havent come across a narcissist sweetie ( they are all over) male or female just wait! 🤣 then come back with your positive attitude freaking out OMG what happened?🤭
I have a question. I have a friend who never calls her husband by his name or rarely does. She always calls him her husband in our conversations. Even though I am good friends with her and know her well she uses his title instead of his name. She does the same with her son. Is this weird why does this feel so off to me?
That is weird. You should only do that with your parents. I had high school friend who would call their parents by their first names which I thought was disrespectful.
Ma'am I am huge fan and thank you very much for there for me whenever I wanted someone. Ma'am I am having a problem with my girl best friend. She is sick since last 32 days and she texted on day 1 and that's all . Then I called her texted her but she didn't reply even tho she was online. What should I do ma'am ? Also she I like that to everyone in our friends group Thank you so much . Love. Arjun .
Honestly there are more rude questions like how Much u make lol 🤣🤣🤣 those questions are very basic and to those who feel upset over questions about age and job needto get a life 🙄🙄😂
My friend ghosted me back in May & blocked me on FB & blocked my number. What should I do? Should I do the same to them? Should I just wait for them to come back around & apologize? Feeling so lost & confused. I was friends with them for 2 years. Should I speak up & set boundaries if they decide to reach out to me or pretend like nothing happened? Any advice?
