For everyone saying they feel bad for having to look this up: don't. You're taking the initiative to be a better person! That's pretty fuckin awesome, in my opinion.
Ty.. my best freind is crying over call saying he is so scared of this world and his gender dyphoria and everything and I'm trying to comfort him. We are making characters together and I'm talking to him
@@ijustthrewouttheloveofmydreams yeah absolutely I agree with you becoz whole world says that the term" I'M SORRY" on that situation and we do not know how to deal that situation and we tend to say the same cliche word without any EMOTION. And Just stand like a mute object.!!
You were a ship in stormy seas. I am an island just in touch. You found yourself to me that night and shared each others warm embrace. I am an island just in touch. The time it came, to let you go, to sail away and a happy tear. I am an island just in touch. And if you find yourself in stormy seas spread your sails and think of me. I am an island just in touch.
This video is really underrated, for everyone blaming themselves for having to look this up, don't be, please, just the fact that you are looking for a way to help a significant one is amazing and I am proud of you. Since the pandemic started I had a lot of friends, including myself going through a very dark moment, being the listener of the group wasn't a easy task lol, but it is amazing to see a professional talk about something so important and so well explained! Thanks!
I recently had a bad situation happen to me and my mom doesn't know how to comfort me, this video is everything I wanted to hear. I will show her this. Thank you.❤
@@ellanies Thank you, I think having open communication is best. I still have my good and bad days with my mom but reminding her to self reflect on the situation before reacting with emotions first has helped a lot. Good communication is a challenge and requires a lot of patience and understanding, but in the end there are moments that make all that effort worth it.
I really wanted to tell my friend that I loved him, because he is depressed and shows signs of hating himself, but I didn't because I wasn't sure how to. He has a crush on me, and I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, but I really wanted him to know that I cared and loved him but HOW can I tell him???? Can anyone give me advice?
I feel bad I have to look this up, but I really just want to help my brother. Today I was going down stairs to get some milk, I was surprise my brother didn’t say anything because normally he knows I’m there, I walk over to the refrigerator that had milk and I saw my brother sitting at his desk with his computer in front of him, I started hearing noises that sounded like crying and so I walked out not even grabbing the milk because I thought he needed alone time. When someone is upset I know someone coming up and trying to talk to them about as if they know what your going through is annoying, because that’s what my parents try to do when I’m upset, they think their doing the right thing but sometimes people just want to be alone and listen to their self. I try putting myself in my brother’s shoes, my younger sister is annoying and when I’m frustrated and she’s their all sitting in happy it makes me lash out. I just know this by documenting myself, I tend to think back on when I’m upset out of habit.
Hey friend. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with that and don't feel bad to look these things up. These are uncomfortable moments and it's normal not to know what to do or feel helpless sometimes. It's important to just be there to make your presence known so they feel their emotions are acknowledged. It doesn't need comfort by words all the time like you said, or asking "are you ok?" because we know they're not. I do that for my partner who is very introverted and stoic person who doesn't recognize his emotions much, but is experiences pain. I ask about other indirect needs, or do stuff for them anyway. Make them a cucumber or ham sandwich, a cup of water or a warm pot of tea if that's what they usually do every day. If it's been a long day, draw a bath or put out clean towels and let them know to have a shower. Sometimes just pulling out of their sitting/lying position to shower and breathe the hot steam helps them process their thoughts and emotions. It's a release valve. Maybe offer to go for a quiet, wordless walk together. Or a drive around the neighborhood until they want to stop. Just being beside someone I think is just as powerful as talking emotions out like in this video.
Our son has been dealing with depression for a few years now. It has been very difficult to get him to open up with us about how he is feeling but it mostly seems to be due to the death of all 4 of his grandparents within a 5 year time period. Most recently another very close elderly "grandparent" figure passed unexpectedly in her sleep and since he is away in college, we had to tell him over the phone. It seemed like he was making improvements until this happened and now he is worse than ever. It didnt' help when one of the university's counselors invalidated his feelings. He met once with him and never went back because he made him feel worse. We have recently found a councilor that he is comfortable with so we are praying that things get better for him. Thanks for sharing this video, I will try to incorporate some of these suggestions into our conversations.
I am watching this video to comfort a friend of mine who is not really in a good situation.. And most of the things were similar to what i really did till now.. so i think it's a relevant video!! N the best thing to do is to say i m here for u.. by this the person feels really touched n gets to know that people love him...
My friends keep distancing themselves from me because I can’t console or comfort them without sounding like an asshole and I feel bad so this video helps
As a person who has a hard time even understanding myself these videos can really help I’ve always had a hard time knowing what to say in any situation
My friend has been in and out of the hospital. One stay was for 25 days. This video is awesome. I’m going to watch it again and again. I’m going to take notes and practice this in the mirror. If you knew my friend you would love him. He is so kind and sweet. I want to help him. Thank you so much for teaching me these ways of relating. My family didn’t know how to do this so I never learned. Now I also have more insight into my own challenges and the need to open feel my feelings and emotions. Self compassion and compassion in action. 💎💎💎
Thank you For giving examples and how to respond. I would love to see more examples of reflective response. I have a hard time with that. I am really thankful that you made this video. Great job.
I wish I got to this video sooner. I tried to comfort someone but my words are just so shallow and uncertain. Now I feel like they're mad at me and I can't look at their account without crying.
Even saying “I’m afraid that I wasn’t able to be there in the way that would’ve been helpful” “I’m unsure of what to say in situations like that”…that’s what true, vulnerable communication is all about. If we don’t face our uncertainties and avoid others due to them…we actually drive the thing we fear, disconnection. I would absolutely respect a person who said things like what I said above. We don’t have to all have it figured out. We are all learning. To be real about it, compassionate to yourself for not knowing…and reaching out, is the only way to really develop the deeper aspects of yourself and relationships.
This isn’t as common sense for many people as it should be. I wish kids got lessons on this in elementary school, because many of us didn’t learn it from our parents.
The availability one is really true, I know from personal experience. I stayed on call alone really late one night that my friend was sad in case he wanted to join so that he had someone to talk with. It really helped and now we are even better friends
I'm seeing a lot of comments talking about how people feel bad that they had to look this video up to comfort people and their loved ones. I hope that these people can realise that there's nothing to feel bad or guilty about. You're going out of your way to research how to comfort someone in the right way to not hurt them or make their pain worse. Thats just kindness. Why would you feel bad for being kind? And feeling guilty because you can't comfort peoing is no excusable reason to feel guilty as well. Everyone has something they cant do well. Wether that be drawing or talking. But thats not the point here. What we need to focus on is that you went out of your way to improve your skills after admitting that you cant do something well (some people dont want to accept they cant do something, so im already proud of you for accepting yourself) Hope yall arent too hard on yourselves! You're a kind and amazing human being! Believe it!
I have a “friend” who’s hurting. I don’t really know them that well, but I am worried. I don’t really care that much, and I’m afraid that makes me cruel, I don’t know if I can truthfully be earnest towards her.
Watching this so I can comfort others properly and not say anything too hurtful this year. I suppose my aspiration is to be the kid who always lends an ear to anyone who needs it/provides comfort. Right now I'm a mess at it, though (neurodivergent introvert) but I want to be someone that others can rely on.
This is a very admirable goal you have. The great thing about empathy and comforting is that these are learnable skills. As a neurodivergent person, it might be a little bit harder to recognize feelings and make all the inferences, but it’s still quite possible to be good at this. People love to be listened to.
This works!!! I helped my friend (crush basically) who was going through a break up ...... And not after my help they are back again :"") :"") bruhh ;-;
i really want to help my friend who is in a bad place, shes venting to me and i can tell shes in pain. I feel really bad because i have no idea what she is going through and i want to help but i dont want to make her feel worse or say something that could invalidate her feelings but i ended up not texting her back and looking this up to try to comfort her. somone give me helpful tips to make somone feel like they're heard but nothing thats like advice
@7:25 "Reassure the other person that it's okay to express any feelings that they have" I'm often surprised that they might not have the feeling that you expect them to in that situation. And it feels important not to assume or push the feelings you would have in their position, on to them. Our assumptions reveal so much about our own thoughts/feelings and might feel like judging.
This is hard to someone like me who don't want be seen as victim or weak and absolutely afraid of people using whatever I shared against me I don't share anything with anyone and I believe everybody is just like me and want keep things to themself,so I don't know how react when someone does this might help thnx
Recently, my friend lost few of her friends due to a car accident. I knew some of them but not too well. I care for her a lot and really want to comfort her but i am not sure how because i fear it may make her upset. Could you please tell what would be the best way to console her ?
I never wanted to see these type of videoes. But the time always shows me that I control nothing. And made me realise that these are part of life you can never escape.😖☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😭
My friend just called me talking about some things. And I didn’t know what to say. He sounds like he wanted to cry and I think he even got mad at me for not knowing what to say. Helpppppp
These are challenging times. I find most people are facing new difficulties and they are often hurting in ways they hadn't seen coming. It's really helpful to know how to support people during crisis, or when they are experiencing fears and pressure. Thank you. This was helpful.
My friend told me something she never told anyone else before and it seemed to be hurting her or had hurt her before. I felt stupid trying to comfort her because I kept repeating things I had already said and just kind of standing there like🧍🏻♀️. I got home and decided immediately I need to find out how to comfort people better. Because I have always felt sympathy but never knew what to say. This helped so much thank you for this video!
I'm really glad I found this. I've never been good at any Conversations and since yesterday I make a lot of notes to hang on my wall just to kind of get these Tipps in my Head. I'm really thankful that there are people like you helping in such situations and share it with the world
This video is so simple and excellently structured that even I, a socially deaf autistic person, can follow along and tell when I should say different things. This video has been very helpful for me, thank you.
My friend is feeling suicidal. She has lost hope and effort into everything. We were talking about our exams and she said: "Who cares, I'm not gonna even be here". My friend feels like she is useless and dumb. I told her so many times that she is not but that didn't really Motivate her. She also hates her family because they are neglectful and toxic. Please I really need advice. My anxiety is getting worse day by day.
Tell her you love her. Be her friend. Listen. But she needs professional help. God forbid if she hurts herself, there is very little you can do to stop it. It is not within your control. What is in your control is being a kind and loving friend. Just do that and accept whatever happens.
She just- I feel like I failed. She just passed out and I am not even there for her. It hurts. What kind of friend am I? She was there texting me about it and I. I just. I tried to stop her yet she relapsed. I feel so bad that I couldn't do anything!
We have very little control over other people. Basically none. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, but her life is her responsibility. All you can do is be a friend. You can’t control her behavior.
hello~ I did just THAT exactly ... i am glad knowing i am off to a good start.. BUT ... as i start talking to her more.. i know she is in deep trouble communication, but whenever i am trying to point it out, even if i try to say -- maybe the way you communicate is just not the way ur husband can fully engaged. I did tell her .. it is okay to be upset.... i said everything.. but ... there is the part where i get very stuck.. where i want her to see in order to have a healthy life even co parenting life, she need to be open minded about changing, but this part she refused! she simply don't think there is any problem on her side, or she has tried her BEST to change. ( no , she didn't)..... :(
Seems like you want to give her advice, and you want her to see things as you see them. But that’s not empathy. Empathy is meeting her where she is and accepting that. Giving advice is another thing entirely, and normally we advise against advice giving when you’re trying to empathize. You might try exploring with your friend whether her behavior has had the outcomes she desired. And if not, explore what might have led to the undesired outcomes. But at some point, you might simply have to accept that your friend has some destructive habits, and you can’t do anything about it. That’s a hard thing to accept since so many of us (me included) want to control other people.
@@HowCommunicationWorks thank you so much for ur reply. i appreciate ur taking ur time to see my situation. I guess it would make me feel better if I am able to help her or divert her to see a different path or different way... but i am so so so drained ... i felt like she is making her life harder than it supposed to be. interestingly when u mention we want to control other people. no, not necessary... i don't know WHAT TO SAY exactly when she said something like.. did you see that? ( and she looked at me all puzzled) , as her husband quietly stomp out, shown annoyed by her words or attitude. and she looked at me , trying to get a confirmation that her husband is acting like a child. throwing tantrum in responding to her word/ conversation.. I also want to ask her... did you see this? did u see ur husband is trying to bite his tongue and not turn it into a fight and quietly exit the scene? did u see that?! ... she was saying mean things to her husband. i am sure no one wants to hear that .... I can't agree with her. and she got pissed . it is just the way she talks, but she is always very outspoken and think about herself first, speaking about HER feeling, HER need, HER want, in the completely wrong time, bad attitude and sarcastic way . If i were husband, i would be quiet and disengaged from the conversation, and that is exactly what the husband did.
You want her to see what you see. You can make observations. You can describe what you saw and how you interpreted the husband’s actions. You can ask her if your interpretation makes any sense to her. You can ask her what her husband might be thinking or feeling. But she sounds very self-absorbed, and she may not be at a place in her own maturity or development where she can see beyond her own needs. It sounds like the marriage is in trouble.
@@HowCommunicationWorks when u hear her problems, she is in the right, but when u actually see it . she must be so overwhelmed . and it isn't exactly that . sometimes i can see the husband ( now seperated livin else where) biting his lips and not say a thing , and answers when neccessary with only agreement and saying yes yes yes .
My friend he started to hear and see stuff and i felt bad that i didn't know how to comfort him so he walked out of class and went to someone in the school and after school he showed me what he drew of what he saw
Ty.. my best freind is crying over call saying he is so scared of this world and his gender dyphoria and everything and I'm trying to comfort him. We are making characters together and I'm talking to him
Sometimes that will work. Sometimes people want reassurance. Other times, they might want to talk about worst case scenarios. The key is to try to give people what they want and need.
My friend is being forced to get private classes with a teacher besides schools s she is so sad and I don’t know got to comfort her and her family is forcing to wear clothes she doesn’t want to wear and taking her freedom away What can I say to her
Don’t focus on what to say to her. Focus on listening with the goal of understanding what her emotional experience is. Give her an opportunity to expressed an elaborate on her thoughts and feelings. Then convey that you care about her and support her and would like to help her.
People need to understand they aren't born knowing things. YOU need to understand you're not born knowing how to do things, every single things we do we learn, we get r from those around us and we learn and educated ourselves. And to become better we need to LEARN. You need to put in the effort just as you learn English and maths, you need to learn how to be a good friend too because for.many of us it didn't come naturally and maybe didn't have the best surroundings when growing up. If you're learning that's amazing. That's genuinely such a human thing to do and shows mercy to those around you.
How do I tell them how good of person they are without accidentally confessing? It almost happened on accident, they are going through a break up, I don't want to confess at all. I just want to comfort her and I feel bad that I had to look this up
im nothing of a professional but this is simply how id approach this situation = id mention to them that the feelings i have for them are platonic and keep everything at a platonic level maybe straight up say “i dont want u to get the wrong idea but platonically i think youre a really rlly great person” etc!
I’ve been practicing using some of these tools to comfort and support my friends, but I feel insincere. Or ingenuine. Or fake. Could the reason I feel insincere simply be because it takes time for these new tools to become natural for me?
Yes. It does take time. Put them into your own words. The main idea is to signal that you’re concerned, you’re listening, and you want to help. Keep trying. You have to be sincere also.
thank you for laying out these steps. just had a scary emotional call with an inconsolable friend and unsure if i did them right. i managed to do most steps
My friend is breaking up a toxic relationship right now that he's been trying to save for a year and he loves her but it's been hurting him extremely. We're chilling at his place tonight so I can be there for him and I don't wanna make anything worse
The biggest thing about being present is truly being present physically and emotionally. Not through a text or a quick message, but to truly show up, offer yourself to serve your friend.
I have a friend who's going through alot right now, a lot of terrible memories coming back to her, I've offered myself to her but after watching this I think I wasn't very clear that I really wanted to help What should I do? I dont want to hurt her more by making her start talking about it Talking about it is a way of helping huh? I'm just not sure what i can do for her
My best friend recently opened up to me but I reacted badly and she's more upset rn. I just didn't really know what to say so I'm here trying to become a better friend. Wish I could have found this sooner. Gosh I feel like such an asshole
A sincere apology can work miracles in a relationship. Your friend still needs you and wants you to be concerned. Check on TikTok for my video about apologies. And apologize to your friend and move on.
My friend is going through a hard time, he almost cried but I had no words to say. All I did was to listen and hug him. I'm so upset at myself, so tomorrow I will see him again to check how he is doing. Hopefully I can comfort him better this time. Thank you
Last night when i was talking to one of my friend who is really frustrated & psychologically ill, i was really feeling sorry for him but i couldn’t get any fine words to Console him thats why today I'm here..thanks
I just hate that I‘m not naturally built to communicate normally with others, especially those I care about, I mostly end up with unwanted results or make things worse 😅 I‘m not like a sociopath who hates society, I actually enjoy being part of it but no matter the effort I put it always fails Don‘t know y I‘m writing this here anyway XD
I always come off as aloof or laid-back it sounds like i’m not even taking the situation seriously, but in reality i just really dont know how to express myself
I don’t know why I struggle so much at comforting people, I just never say the right things and feel awkward and cringe when I’m trying to ‘comfort’ them, I don’t really know what to do, so I took the initiative of looking this up, wish I could just be a natural at this kind of stuff …
My friend has a mother who keeps demotivating her and shouts at her for no reason when she cries about it idk what to say that will give her comfort I want to tell her everything’s going to be alright but it’s hard to say it like that considering her situation
