Interesting episode. I think this episode reminded us to be open minded and not pass judgements that easily because everyone grew up in different household dynamics and approach to filial piety will differ. Some pointers i liked: Nic - Parents did not fully formed their identity around just being a parent but also had their own kind of lifestyle. Honestly as a child, i think i would be quite grateful for that because this means that even if I form my own family in the future, my parents would still have a fulfilling time on days where we can’t meet. Also, i think the overall approach to filial piety is very positive. Parent’s greatest blessing is to see each child being independent Fatihah - As much as she mentioned her family is avoidant, i just feel that it is a group of independent people living together. I liked how she emphasised that giving or doing is on your own accord and you should not compare things like hospital visits companion. It is a reminder that our actions are our willingness and filial piety and not something that you expect your siblings to contribute the same. If it becomes a competition, then it is not genuine and conflicts will arise. Joie - I really liked how she called out that everything we have now is a privilege and it is something we should always be grateful for. Back in the previous generations, not everyone has the chance to attend uni, chance to so called pursue their dreams independent career lady or man kind of chance. It was a responsibility, duty, survival kind of times. Q - I think Q has quite a healthy approach to filial piety and the way she portray seems like someone who will navigate and manage family dynamics really well in the future. For instance, sometimes it is unavoidable that siblings who live with parents will take on more of the day to day help and to be understanding on that is a good trait. I also hope parents will remember all that and not take it for granted. Enjoyed the episodes and all others! Keep the great topics going😊
when a child and parent is not on good terms, people always say "why do you treat your parents like that" but they never thought about "what did the parent do to make the child hate them this much". NO child will naturally hate their parents. but the parents have all the reasons in the world to treat and hate their kids.
This episode really hit home. Recently had a talk with my mom about the future and she made a comment that she expected either my sister or I, or even the both of us, to give her spending money, house her and take care of her in the future. I was always already planning to provide her with extra allowance and spend more time with her when she retired but it definitely sort of frustrated me when she said that it is to be expected of me to house her (esp. since i'm the oldest). Well, I guess thats something for future me to worry about though haha. In any case, there were a lot of good points made from everyone, thanks guys!
the way i see it is that apart from carrying us in their wombs, feeding us and cleaning our bodies. Parents also strive hard to create joyful moments for us(overseas hollidays,playing sports with us,or making sure we attend good schools) so yeah we shud try to create those moments too,n live with them. But its hard. :(
I enjoyed this episode. My circle consists of people who grew up in a culture where it is normal or encouraged to leave the nest as early as possible. So, it was refreshing to hear this discussion. Thank you :)
i’m the last child at home, living alone with my mom. i’m really hoping to live my best life. my older brothers have moved out and my dad is in a nursing home bc he is very ill. my mom has made parenthood her identity and often complain she is very lonely. I am a 25yo working adult with 11pm curfew and not allowed to stay over at friend’s or partner’s place. my mom expects me to keep her company. what do you suggest i do?
it's ultimately your choice. i think it's easy to fall into the idea that we "owe" our parents something and the older gen do mostly feel that way bc they grew up learning that hence, filial piety but you're your own person and you should live your life. everyone's relationship with their parents is different. some prefer no contact, others prefer minimal contact etc but it's your choice. no one else can make that decision for you bc it will always be a loaded decision. personally, i grew up with a difficult mom but i've placed firm boundaries that i don't plan on letting it budge and it has helped a bit. while it's okay to understand their perspective, you don't have to tolerate any of that if it does more harm than good. i do hope you find your answer, whatever it may be!
i do feel like circumstances do vary and its not easy to navigate. i think if there is a feeling of guilt then you probably need something to be done. and if you cant handle it then reaching out for help is the solution. because having the guilt eat away at you will be difficult but also tiring yourself out and not being able to live your own life is also not the solution. i think it really isnt easy navigating this in our generation and even the one before but if we are more considerate of the people involved then it can make things not feel so strained
As married children , we don't have to live with them. Importantly, we have to love and respect our parents, honouring their opinions and dealing them with love and gentleness. We should be devoted solely to our parents because they have been with us in almost everything in our every phase of lives. Have constant calls with our parents to check if they need our help or can just visit them on your offs. Can also help them to buy groceries or make time for their health appointments. This little gesture is enough to show our appreciation to parents.
very interesting to see different people having different family dynamics and different parents having different views on life. like for example Nic's (13:30) parents are quite different from families in my circle; had grown up with parents devoting their entire life to us, and that they hope we would give back the same devotion when they grow old.
