Adrienne Houghton, Jeannie Mai, Loni Love, and Tamera Mowry-Housley weigh in on whether it’s necessary to be “financially stable” before starting a family. What do you think? Love & Money, Honey! →→→ • Love & Money, Honey!
I visited a town south of Kidal province in Mali (where there was war from 2012 to 2023 between the government and the separatist Azawad militia) during a ceasefire and man The town was surrounded by minefields and only the locals and some soldiers know the safe roads and the traces of bullets and shells are clear in the buildings which were built with only water and clay People don't have sewage systems so they do it in buckets and they empty them in the desert far away every day (there are boys who take rotations and transport the buckets on a cart ) and barely have food and all of the men were almost naked as they didn't have access to cloths and women weren't allowed to meet us since they were embarrassed of nakedness and there was barely any medicine and no electricity or school since it was warzone frontline But each family had at least 9 kids
i totally agree with you! if it happens then let it be and do the best you can but don't say you planning for a kid and know you begging for funds every month already
islandtyme lets define intentionally. I feel every person I know in my circle past and present, family members & older generations mainly have kids and are/were single parents struggling. When you lay down with someone, condom or not, you must accept the possibility of a child. Sex only purpose is for two people to share a physical love bond and create a child period. We abuse it for pleasure. Im not speaking against this because I do it too, but my point is every time you lay down to have sex, you’re doing it on purpose and you understand the consequences but don’t care. (Unless its rape of course) All these people couldn’t have just made a mistake. Its on purpose. You will not stop broke people from having kids. Some folks will struggle and some will not. But people are going to procreate rather its smart or not is neither here nor there, people have been doing this for years and will continue too.
As a child who eventually entered the foster care system because his parents were not fit on every level, especially financially, to raise him properly, the answer is absolutely NO. Don’t bring a child into this world unless you are willing and ready to provide for them on all levels: emotionally, financially, and spiritually. No child should have to worry about if they can eat or be provided with the necessities to live, be productive, and happy. No child should face abandonment because their parents are incompetent and irresponsible. Every child deserves to be raised in a happy, safe, supportive, and loving home. Your child will end up psychologically impaired for life if you don’t do your job right as a parent. I definitely am. It is your duty to do right by those who you selfishly choose to bring into this world.
Wow Tre Artis! i am in awe of your journey! God truly has and will always have your back and you are definitely loved by Him. To a certain degree, i can relate to your baggage and the only way to move forward is to learn from the past and let it go. You are a survivor and do not let your past be a source of insecurity bec in all honesty, you are greater than anyone who lived a comfortable "perfect" upbringing
If you're living pay-check to pay-check, and only really have money for rent, bills and food with nothing left over you should really consider not having a child right then. Because babies are expensive and you're only going to struggle more with another mouth to feed and less time to work because of the child. You don't need to be rich to have a child but you should also consider what life you can provide right now in your situation.
@@gingerthetrailpup7223 sometimes life does happen. Not everyone choose to have sex. And those people surely didnt choose to create a baby out of it, yet if they don't believe in a termination they will jave the baby and figure it out.
what if the situation doesn't change,then what?,never have kids at all,i know people who lived pay check to pay check their entire life,so what they should have never had kids?,first off all this would disproportionately affect people of color,because when it comes to wealth because of the history of this country poc make a bigger % of poor people.
@Elle D money is not all that people need to raise kids who grow up to be everything they can be, money is not what it takes to be a good parent.and what you are suggesting is that all poor people should die off,that their blood lines should end with them,that they dont have the right to pursue happiness.and with those standard over a half of the third world countries population will die off in one generation .being poor is not equal being happy and emotionally healthy which play more part into a child growing up to be successful than being rich.we need to stop worshiping money too much ,our worth is not valued by dollar signs.
Lets go through this real quick: 1. It cost money just to have the baby. Thousands of dollars incurred due to care during the pregnancy and the day of labor. 2. You better hope you don't leave the hospital with post-pregnancy problems. Thats another doctors bill. 3. There are medical requirements for the baby over the course of its first 5 years. 4. Babies often have spontaneous ailments (colds, flu, ear infection,etc.) This is just the medical side of it.
Rebecca A that's a tragedy, for both the girl and the kid. And she could still abort the fetus in some places, which would give the person some control. However, we're not talking about those situations. We're talking about situations that people can control, such as when to have kids. It's not up to God. It's up to people to be responsible. The more years children spend living in poverty, the higher are their physiological indices of stress, and the more likely they are to be exposed to family separation, family turmoil, violence, crowding, excessive noise, poor housing, and even poor education. All of this not only has an impact in socioeconomic status, and overall child well- being, but can have long term effects if toxic stress syndrome affects them too.
Ok, the % of that is pretty low to other girls having babies. It is kind of common to have 13yo with kids. I hear that some females are look at odd bc their 21 without kids.
Samantha Derrick That's true that God has the control in the end, but why PLAN to bring kids into a struggle situation? That makes no sense. Don't have kids if you don't have a plan for a healthy environment.
REAL ELUEBO Amen you said it the best!!!! There's a quote that everyone knows the generation after you (your future children) should have it better than you had that means breaking all negative family cycles, providing financially, emotionally , physically and spiritually for your children. Their lives are supposed to be double of what we had especially if you wait longer to have them. It's the truth and they deserve far more that's how your build a legacy and expand wealth into your family.
People don't just magically go bankrupt. They get there typically by living above their means, making bad financial decisions for years until it finally all blows up in their face. If you live below your means and are in good health you won't go bankrupt.
If people thought lile you do... the world would be a very empty, shallow place and the most wealthiest people you see today came from poor families with financially unstable backgrounds.
PR RP I hope u keep that same energy if some fucked yo tragedy happens to u... ppl get sick spouses get sick not everyone can be a ceo somebody has to clean the building and cook the food and why should they not be allowed to have children?? U sound stupid af
I'm going to speak from personal experience so don't @ me. I live in the Bronx I grew up struggling because only my father has a job and my parents had me young. My mom barely even had an education. I feel like if my parents were financially stable that they should of had kids. I know it's not their fault but I wish that they would have planned and waited. My mother is always complaining to me how she is struggling with me and my autistic siblings, and I just think to myself she should of never had us. For me personally I want to have a secure job before I start thinking of a family because that's not fair to the child.
My opinion : no money = no kids. Broke people and cheap people should not have kids. A friend of mine has a kid just because she wanted a kid. But because she is cheap she literally bugged everybody that she knew to buy her baby stuff. First year she did not spend a single dollar for her son. And well she lost a lot of friend just because of that. If you can`t buy your kid everything that he/she needs just don`t have kids. Why would anybody pay for just some kid that it`s not theirs????
6 лет назад
Magy 88 that’s what she gets for being irresponsible and putting that burden onto other people. Smh
Wow that's crazy. There's a neighborhood Facebook page or people ask for a lot of things. And I saw that a couple both lost their jobs and they needed Christmas presents for their three daughters. I spent hundreds of dollars on the presents and these people have the audacity to show up like hours late. Like they acted like they didn't care. So why are you asking people to give you things on the first place?
My parents were the same way - they weren't ready financially but had me anyway. I wish they had waited until they were more financially stable. I had very loving parents but finances were very tight my entire childhood/teen years and it was very hard on my self-esteem. I never had what the other kids had as far as new clothes and toys. Everything I owned was second-hand or I went without. It was not fun. I am totally divided on this issue though. Now that I am grown I would like to have a kid but I can't afford it so I understand the dilemma.
As someone who grew up in and is STILL in a financially unstable household (I’m 18) all I have to say is DONT DO IT! Please don’t bring kids into a situation that is already difficult and have them experience an unhealthy childhood
Sumayaya SAME SIS! I’m 19 and I can relate! I had to miss out on university due to it as well smh people are selfish... and what’s worse is when they have more than one child! You couldn’t afford one and you gone get THREE? Chile 😩🤦🏾♀️
Maria Corman well obviously not abort me I’m not sick or something but I wish they had considered the life me and my siblings would be forced to live before they had us. In 18 years I’ve been homeless on 3 separate occasions, my dad left right when I was born and my mom is an immigrant who didn’t finish her education. Everything I own I’ve had to work for and provide for myself. I’ve been busting my ass and working non stop from the moment I turned 15 and was old enough to work so I knew my mom never had to worry about providing for me. No one ever considers the kids when they bring them into the world with terrible income.
@@shan_5332 You didn't HAVE to miss you on University. You are only 19. You have plenty of time. And if you wanted to go to school promptly after graduation you could have. I'll admit my family is not particularly well off and at some point my family struggled, but my mom worked her ass off so we wouldn't and aren't. However I was well aware that my mother would not be able to pay for my sister, brother and I to all go to college back to back. I didn't particularly want to go to school at the time anyway. But instead I took a year and a half to work before I decided I was ready to start school and pay my own way. It is rough being poor it does suck that you feel like you have to miss out on University because your family can't pay for it. But there are so many opportunities and it's your choice not take them. You can go to university, you can get scholarships, financial aid, etc. But it's on you to make that decision.
Shanxce _ exactly! I don’t get it! It’s like they never actually consider the whole people they’re bringing into the world. If u don’t have enough money to raise kids...don’t have kids lmaooo!
Listen if you’re going without food because your broke don’t bring a kid into that. If you’re able to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, and clothes on their back then you’re fine.
The fact that this is up for discussion makes me scared for society. I was in no way raised with a silver spoon in my mouth but if you can help it, plan for a child. Children are not just for your pleasure.
there was a time that every black person in america was a slave,and that mean they were not financially stable,which mean according to your argument none of the slaves should have ever had kids because they were not financially stable,yet from the humble roots of those selfish slaves a black first lady came to be,and now we have black millionaires,and dr,and pilots,supreme court justices and many more,people like lebron james of the world would never have existed,some of the most talented people,brightest minds were born poor,and without them and their contribution the world would not be what we know today,and if it was upto you they would never have been born..
@@shiningarmor8709 I am ADOS and I DO feel that it is selfish to have children if you are living in poverty (or enslavement). Some of the enslaved women were obviously raped or forced to bear children (buck breeding) so it was never their choice to bear children but others had them by choice, knowing that their children would suffer as they were suffering. Personally, as a woman, I would NEVER have a child under less than anything but the BEST circumstances. Children don't ask to be here and it is OUR job as adults to ensure that they arrive into the best possible environment with the most opportunities possible. This is how cycles of poverty are created and people never escape from dire circumstances. Not everyone can be Dr. Ben Carson, Oprah or Lebron James. For every wealthy person that made it out of poverty, there are THOUSANDS who never will.
I don't know. What if it's an accident? Are you saying you should automatically get an abortion if you're not financially stable? Some families that aren't financially stable, find out they're having a baby and then take on extra jobs to make the money and make it work. You don't necessarily need to be financially stable at the moment. You have nine months to figure out how you're going to make the money situation work.
animleluv If it's an accident then you don't need to get an abortion but if you're planning to have a baby then being financially stable is one of the biggest factors.
Esther Jean ok, that I totally agree with. If you're struggling to pay rent and put food on your table then nows not the time to be trying to conceive.
animleluv And you should do everything in your power to make sure you don't get pregnant. I know that birth control and condoms aren't %100 percent. But if you not using them at all then you're just asking to get pregnant. Use them anyways
Life does not just happen. You know when you’re having sex protected or not there’s a chance that you can have children. If you are not financially stable you should tale every precaution to protect yourself. It’s not fair to your children. Who’s going to take care of the children if you are always at work. This is a huge problem if you’re making $10 in a single parent household you should not have children.
Right, they keep beating around the bush, we're not talking about accidental babies (for lack of a better phrase).. but planned pregnancies.. it's selfish to bring kids to the world that you can't take care of
I remember being a kid wanting certain things, but I was always told no because my parents couldn't afford it. I remember how frustrated I was and promised that i would only have kids if I can afford to pay for things. If I don't buy my child something it would be because I don't want to buy it but never because I can't afford it.
I agree with Adrienne. Its better to be financially stable, then to have your children grow up struggling. I am the second oldest of five and we never really had money so we bounced to house to house and it was the worst feeling. So parents have your money right before you have kids💁
I am going to correct you in your first sentence because you made a grammatical mistake that changed the entire meaning of your sentence.It's "than" instead of "then"."Than" is used as a comparison between two terms, and "then" is used for something in correlation with time. #GrammarNazi
Hell to the no! Period. I wouldn’t be bring kids in this word until I’m in a CAREER and stable! Smh too many people bringing kids into this world without any money in a savings or anything!
I also grew up poor. Because my parents were immigrants. And they alwasy told me to study hard and get a good job were I am financially stable so that i dont struggle like they had. In my opinion you should work hard and get enough money that you can care of yourself and your family. Cause in this society just love isnt enough.
My in laws always tell me to finish school and once we are in the workforce for 5 years I can think about what will happen next. By then I would have a stable income and a house.
Lets keep it real most people are here with parents who made a way out of no way. Most children are brought here with struggling parents and have had the most amazing childhood. I just had a baby in January my husband and I are not broke we both are full time working parents and we have not spent nearly as much on her as others said we would. Be responsible and resourceful would be more like it. Understand that your child doesn’t need expensive things but quality for your budget. Make sure your child is not a statistic and if possible raised in a home with two happily married loving parents.
@Maya H aye, struggling builds character. I grew up poor/poverty, and it was hard, but I've noticed that kids that grow up like that usually build character and can get themselves together in the future. Idk, at least for me. I'd rather do it again than grow up to be like some of the people I know who didnt struggle. But that's my personal take on it.
I’m speaking for myself only. My mom wasn’t planning on having me, and only a year after my birth, my dad died and she became a single mother of five overnight. I know she didn’t plan on doing it alone, but she tried to make it work. Seeing her struggle taught me one thing. Don’t rely all of the income on a man. Get your education so you can sustain a household on your own. That’s why I’m studying in college and I’m going to work as hard as I can to build a career that could take care of my future kids.
It is a BIG responsibility to bring a child to the world, not only does it require a financial stability but all aspect of the parents life must be stable: spiritual, marital, social, emotional. The society we live in is a reflection of the stability of our homes.
My husband and I wouldn’t mind having one kid, but we have chosen not to because kids are expensive and if we can give it what it needs and wants we won’t put on on this earth. It’s called being responsible 💯
When we say stable we mean like do you have the funds that'll be able to buy the diapers , the clothes , the formula , and all of the stuff that you need for when it comes to taking care and nurturing this baby... and I don't think people should equate being financially stable with being rich because I always hear a lot of people say "well blah blah blah is rich so they can have kids cuz they have the money to afford them " #WRONGATTITUDE ... if a person has others who are apart of the family or even friends and are willing to chip in then by all means they can but they also need to have a form of independence and dot all their I's and cross all their t's when it comes to the financial part of raising their kid ! You have to be prepared
they need to be secure in there jobs and have a saving account. be good with handling money and have a steady income every month. don't just have babies willy nilly just because you can. my dad has a hard time just taking care of me because we always didn't have money all the time. also you need to have a partner because it's tough not being financially stable it's twice as hard to raise a child by yourself. being financially ready isn't the only thing you should focus on. you need to be emotionally and mentally ready to have kids. people have kids and they are emotionally intelligent to have a child. there are a lot of children that are raised by abusive people because that are messed up emotionally and mentally. so yeah that's my two cents.
My opinion straddles the fence, my mom was 19 still in college not ready at alll when she had me, she had my brother at 30 as a fully professional person ready to have this baby and years later she still says that having me was just so much easier. She had more time for me, more energy for me, as a career minded woman my brother was in daycare from 2yrs old from 8am-6pm even some Saturdays. Her time was so limited. There's a happy medium somewhere about when to have kids and it's not 100% about finances
But in the situation of your brother from what u wrote, my observation is that not having time to spend w/ him still goes back to a money problem ( unless ur mom wants to work). When your mom had you she was still able to afford to not work (or not to work a lot) which gave her TIME to take care of you. Where as in you brothers case, ( im assuming) may not afford to take off from her job to take care of him more. For an example, there r families where both parents work professional jobs but when a baby is born, the mom takes time off of work to for a year or 2 two. This is possible due too the financial stability of being able to survive with one income for a time. @ the end of the day time is money. They r a lot of children that suffer w/ neglect due to their parents never having time for them bc the parents r working long hours to make ends meat
Where was the money to have more time for you coming from ? Or was the standard of living lower so she didn't have to have as demanding a job? Money will always be needed to fully support children, a house etc. sometimes ppl wanna give their children a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood, nicer clothes, everything they didnt have and possibly more important things like precious time gets lost in the mix. It's kind of a double edged sword.
simplebeauty 99 agree with comment? What u do with ur money matters as well. My point was that some people cannot afford to take time off to take care and be with their kids as much as they need to
I'm not sure where the confusion lies in your comment.. You've made an excellent point... With the cost of living not all parents can afford to have a stay at home parent and it honestly is not a realistic option for most families. So even after reaching your professional goals you are still sacrificing personal time (with your family).... when you are still working on your goals sometimes you have a bit more time with your kids and family is willing to help you out more in that area.
Why do the brokest people have the most kids? I grew up in a situation with a bunch of siblings, and we could never afford anything. Now that I am an adult, I am terrified of making another person go through what I went through.
having a stable job with good money should be a part of the "dream" to start a family. work hard to get there and be able to provide for your future kids.
My brother and his wife have three kids. They have never been able to provide for themselves financially without my parents and the federal government. No cars, no jobs, no place to live, and eventually got hooked on drugs. My brother is 38 and lives at home with his wife, their three kids, and my parents. My father is 64 and can't retire because my brother and his family have no place to go. It's disgusting. I'm 45 with a Masters degree and no kids.
You should not plan to have kids if you know you are not stable, whether financially or mentality, or in ur relationship, etc. But if it happens you make the best out of the situation.
The ideal situation is 2 able body parents with a plan, but in reality, their are slot of us just making it work. I grew up loving life, not knowing or feeling my parents struggles, I look back now and realize we were definitely not middle class, but my parents gave me the world and provided me with tools to be comfortable today and raise my kids with more than I had. That is goals🙃
I get what all the ladies are saying totally agree with Loni. If you are not financially stable, do not be on just "i'll figure it out". "You figure it out" is easy to say when you don't have kids & don't know what that entails. Some of our parents had to go through things in so many different ways that we will never even know about because they had to provide and thats not fair to the parents or the child because when a parent is going through depression because they can't provide that impacts the child. A lot of times, when people are poor, they're going through depression and/or stress and it impacts the way children develop, even when we don't notice that thats whats happening sometimes. Especially when often times, everybody in the community is dealing with the same stress, nobody stops to think "this isn't healthy, its effecting us", because it's the norm. Often times poor people don't even get a chance to think about their mental health because they have so much more to handle. When parents are going to bed crying, selling things, doing things they don't want to do to provide- sometimes thats "figuring it out" too, it's not just "damn lets make Vienna sausages cause we can't afford steak". When parents get evicted and have to take their kids to a shelter with a bunch of strangers, thats "figuring it out" too, it's not just "damn I can't get my kid name brand shoes.". I live in NYC, the cost of living is outrageous, the amount of homeless people who once led "normal" lives is outrageous. Too many people who don't even have kids are living check to check because nowadays you gotta have 7 years experience, a master and at least one magic power for the most basic job lol. Life is not a joke, mental health is serious & we can't keep encouraging women who cannot afford parenthood to pop out babies when we're not helping them care for them! Also, I love Loni's lip color here!
YES THANK YOU! Parents argue over finances, kids go to bed crying cause theres nothing they can do but they know they're parents are struggling daily, and the pure and raw feeling of hopelessness sets in real quick. Once my mom passed things went off the deep end for my dad. Ended up getting evicted, lived in a motel for a few short months, he was taking out payday loans every few months that went on for a few years and would constantly pawn alot of his and my mom's items. It was horrible living like this and during my teen years I was too embarrassed to tell anyone. Even to this day I never go into detail how broke I grew up because I usually end up crying. Bless my dads heart he tried and always put on a strong front and did the best he could but man oh man it was rough as hell.
Health doesn’t cost a lot of money? Tell that to underprivileged families living in areas where their best food options are fast food and corner stores.
More important than anything, those parents have to have discipline, responsibility, and perseverance! My daddy struggled supporting my family (we’re 8 in total 😳) but there was never a day where I felt poor, endangered, or lacking in anything. Even if he was struggling to make ends meet he was always creative to find solutions to our problems and he never gave up. I’m not saying pop out a bunch of kids you can’t support but I’m also not hating on parents for being poor. Remember, there’s bunch of things that are not necessities. Sure I didn’t have video games or computers growing up. No cable, tablets, etc. But I did learn to entertain myself, spend hours at my local library, and was very active. We never ate out and never had unnecessary junk food or sugary drinks at home. It is possible to give a kid a good childhood on a low budget.
Plus, all the amazing, inspirational people I’ve ever met have had some sort of struggle. I’m proud of my thick skin, creativity, and hustle. I would never change my childhood for a rich kid lifestyle but that’s just me 🤷🏻♀️
They are talking about food. Dipers and a roof over your head. How can you plan a baby and not have any idea of how you can get theses 3 things. They are talking about should you plan a baby and expect the goverment or your parents or who every to supply the basic needs of food. Dipers and a roof over your head. Any roof is acceptable.
LovelyVintageRose I can totally relate to this, my parents struggled a lot, they gave up so much to make sure we never felt any of what was going on. I had the best childhood I could have ever asked for despite all of this. My parents never drove fancy cars or lived in big houses or wore name brand clothing, sometimes we ate the same thing for dinner thrice a week but it was always about us and we never complained about any of it. And quite frankly we were raised better than some kids I know that led sheltered lives with everything handed to them.
How is this even a debate? Does it make any sense to bring kids into this world when you are unstable in any form? Whether Mentally, or financially speaking? Kids cost money. Health and safety is also not all you need to have a kid. You should be able to put them in sports, piano, summer camps, etc to broaden their experience of the world. I grew up with always having food and shelter but that was about it. No money for family trips, no money for eating out, taking a dance or piano lesson. All things that I would have loved to do. It takes more than health and safety.
As a single mother - I think to be having children without being financially stable isn’t only unfair for the children, it’s reckless. I love my daughter with all I’ve got... & all she cares about is that we’re together and that she knows I’m here no matter what. WITH THAT SAID - It is NOT fair, and if I had known all it took to be a mother, I wouldn’t have ever put my daughter through the struggles we face. Granted I know it’ll make her stronger in the end, to work harder... But no, I don’t think we should keep having children unless we can give them a good, comfortable life. Having kids to live off the state has become far to “popular”.
If you are holding off because you're worried that you don't make enough, then your heart's already not in it to care for that child. That's why love carries such an awesome weight in the successful upbringing of a child. If your desire for that young life is strong and you're willing to do anything for them without being selfish, disappointed and regretful, then a child is better with a family that is the worst off than a rich family who can possibly neglect them in another way.
If we got rid of welfare, food stamps, and other subsidies for people who bear children knowing they could not financially support them, this truly would not be a conversation. It is easy to make decisions like this with a crutch. I know many people who choose this path and live comfortably, but I don't think it should be promoted or encouraged.
Lies people would still have kids we just would be a 3rd world country with kids starving.. countries more poor than us still have children hun stop being so negative
The problem is sex is loads of fun and the end result is often a pregnancy. That is why 3rd world countries have so many kids, men and women get bored and have fun with sex.
I will never have children if I'm not emotionally, financially or physically capable/stable enough to have them! I suffer from mental illness and know for a fact, that it will effect how I raise them, as well as the fact that I fear resenting them..... how much time, money and energy they deserve from you. If you don't want to give this... and know that all kids deserve your best self, DON'T HAVE THEM.
It is selfish, but it happens and most people step up and improve for their child. Personally, I won't have kids until I am financially stable because I don't want my kids to endure the same burdens I did as a child.
My dad used to work in foster care/adoption and in order to even get an appointment to meet a kid you have to prove your finances. Like send in your tax stuff and bank statements.
Kids cost money. We barely ate growing up. Horrible conditions. Home was abusive. I would never bring a child into this world and not financially prepared. I’m not having kids. But I see all my friends struggle because of societal pressure. I’m good.
It's good to plan and be prepared but you never know about tomorrow. You'll have a well paying job for the next 3 years then things take a turn and your outta a job for the next 3 years.
This. What some folks are not talking about is that there are seasons in life, and financial situations are usually not static. Things change and events are not necessarily in your complete power. I'm for seeking financial stability when starting a family, but who's to say what the stream of income will be for the entire 18 years a minor is under one's care?
@@RagsRighteous Choosing to have children or be irresponsible with your reproductive health during a time when you cannot adequately care for children is different than having them the right way and falling on hard times because of uncontrollable circumstances. There is no 100% guarantee that you will be able to care for your child the entire time they need you because life is unpredictable sometimes, anyone with common sense knows this. That is not what this conversation is really about.
I get what genie is saying but I feel like it holds no weight in the conversation cause we live in America a developed country we don’t have the luxury to be like let’s build a hut kids are a big responsibility in many departments especially financially and I’m not talking about misc things I’m talking checkups dipappers formula if the mom is not breastfeeding feeding, school fees, collage one of the biggest things I hated was to see my mom struggle financially and have to go to others for help and to live with. My point is being financially stable helps everyone in the situation. And to me being financially stable is just having a plan having money put if for rainy days being able to take care of your kid without stressing how you gonna pay rent.
She honestly glamorizes poverty a bit. She makes it seem like growing up with the debilitating and permanent consequences of poverty isn't as severe as it actually is just because some people-like her- who lived this way turned out "fine". No one turns out completely fine from poverty. It does psychological and often physical damage in one way or another no matter how much your parent(s) loved you and has a ridiculously high continuation rate. Coming into this world poor affects just about every aspect of your life, for the rest of your life and usually the lives of your offspring. I'm past my breaking point with the "I turned out fine and you can just make it work" argument. No you didn't and having to make extreme sacrifices isn't making it work. As a child of poverty, I hate when anyone downplays the suffering of it.
As someone who is struggling to get into college,i will not have kids when i'm finally unstable because i know how it feels to be that kid,think of the kids..
exactly, i told my coworkers that. "Children don't cost a lot of money they say." and they gave up their whole life to work for their kids, letting themselves go,etc, ppl be telling you lives so you can be miserable too.
I had two unplanned (but definitely not unappreciated) pregnancies when I was younger. Then, I planned my pregnancy with my youngest son. We didn’t have a lot of money, but we knew that our family wasn’t quite complete yet. I’m thankful that we had him regardless of our financial situation! God has provided in every area that we were lacking and our finances are so much better now! I don’t think people should have to wait on a certain dollar amount and possibly miss out on the biggest blessings in life! ❤️❤️❤️
With anything else in life, you need to calculate the expense. Children cost money to have/raise. So you if honestly can’t afford them, avoid having them. Or if you do, have a plannnn to provide for them!
If you can feed em, wash em, pay for em, give them the love and care that they need, that's ok. Some people work right round the clock and hardly see their child. Some choose to have less income, stay at home with the child while husband goes to work. You just make it work whatever happens.
My thing is... making a certain amount of money back then isn’t the same as now. $30,000/year back in the 80s & 90s isn’t the the same as now. If an entire family is living off that back then it’s not as bad as now. My whole point is that back then “less money” would get you more things than now. I believe a career and financial stable situation needs to be established before kids because stuff is more expensive and this is an era where status is everything. I’m not saying a kid has to be richer so they can assimilate and “fit in” but I’m also saying that nowadays it’s harder to be accepted for being more poor than others. Just my opinion.
If you can't afford to properly clothe them, feed them 3 meals a day, provide an education until they're 18, provide proper health care and keep a stable roof over their heads, you shouldn't have kids. You are not entitled to a child. It doesn't matter what you want, what matters is what the child needs. "Yeah we're homeless and cold and only eat once a week, BUT, my child has love so it's ok" That's bullcrap and that's so selfish. Especially if the child has special needs/a disability: deaf, blind, handicap, they will definitely need special services that you need to be able to give them. Not saying poor people don't deserve kids but you don't deserve a child if you can't provide their basic needs.
In the U.S., that is easy. living off the goverment provides all those things at no cost. clothing. food. education. healthcare. many people dont care about what they can provide. they include what they can get elsewhere.
It a little selfish to have kids when you know you can't afford they're not objects they're living beings but if you have kids accidentally just do the best you can
I was 20 years old and living in a shelter when I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. I was actually encouraged to abort or put the baby up for adoption. I told everyone at that shelter no. I was determined to have an apartment and bring my baby home to nursery. Everyone said it would never happen,and it didn't. BUT I did get a roommate and made it suffice. I went without so my baby could have and Lord knows if my mom wasn't in my corner I don't know what I would have done at times,but I know I would have found a way because I wanted to find a way. I COMPLETELY agree that it takes money to raise a child,but once that life is in you changes happen. Every instinct in you body is to help that baby and do right by it. No,you should not PLAN to have children in bad situations but it doesn't mean that once you do conceive alternative motives need to done.
Being in a family that went from poor to being well off than back to poor and so on, I feel I experienced the best of both worlds. During this financial roller-coaster, my sisters, parents and I connected and bonded various ways. Best answer is, it depends, based on the fact that people are unique. It depends on the mom and dad's relationship and the state of the household's function. If you are dysfunctional, poor or rich, you will suffer.
If you have to question if your current financial situation would be suitable to have a baby, then no. Just like when you go to a store and buy a pack of gum, you don’t think twice about it because buying it or not would not negatively impact your financial well-being. If you have to think twice then the answer is most likely no.
I don’t really like how they presented this topic because these are educated women and they are talking about their own experiences, but thier are a lot of factors that we need to take into perspective such as the time we’re living in, the income bracket that we fall under and location that we live at, the education that we choose to pursue or not, and immigration . I’m 32 and I have a masters degree and I am still financially unstable. It’s hard enough taking care of yourself much less taking care of another life. Parents become codependent on their kids when trying to make ends meet and that is wrong. What I don’t think is right is to keep on having child after child and you are already having a hard time providing the necessities in life such as food, water, clothing, shelter, and a education that no child should live with out. They could of had guest that specializes in economics and sociology to discuss this.This was a very serious topic for many people around the world. That goes to show you that just because your famous, it doesn’t mean that you do your research. Ladies do better next time it’s still a good show.
Quick Question: WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE the majority of you all over in the US treat a parent(s) that chooses to accept government assistance (EVEN when it is only a temporary means to an end) like they are the worst of the worst? Yet praise the parent(s) who go on to unrealistically working multiple jobs (sometimes 2,3 or even 4) and all while putting their children's lives at risk by leaving them all about the place with others and all because they are ashamed to be caught receiving welfare? Right now, the way how I choose to see things is that in order for us to be truly successful in this life, our work ethic must consist of us working both HARD and SMART and not just hard alone. Therefore, again, if you are a parent(s) relying on welfare as a temporary means to an end then what is the problem? Again, a real question being asked here, since I've always been curious to learn whether my observation is in fact true or false and as it relates to the US.
I feel like its not the temporary help that is an issue. It's people taking advantage of that help by continuing to pop out babies thug they can't afford or people that don't want to work because they are on welfare. And sometimes it's not about feeling ashamed of receiving government assistance, but it is different for every person. Some people don't want to and some would rather just work.
Virtuous Warrior #YesIAm Because it's not fair for other hard working tax payers who are living paycheck to paycheck to have to fund other people's choices. It's not fair that a lot of hard working people don't qualify for help themselves yet people who sit on their butt get a paycheck. I know there are hard working people getting welfare but there are a lot of people who live off of it and it shouldn't be allowed. I think people would be more understanding if they changed the qualifications to get it. I think there should be programs put in place where job agencies can help people find work so there are no excuses on why you aren't working and just getting a check.
Zariaeda 007 I agree with you here. Over in the UK, they have since clamped down on the number of people claiming benefits and just for the sake of it. So much so that some families are now forced to either get back into work and/or be forced to relocate to less desirable areas and with a huge cut in their benefits. The government also encourages those who have found themselves falling under the "single parent" category, yet are still willing, eager and ready to go back into work with cash incentives also. But yeah, I can now see from where some of you all may be coming from
The problem occurs when tax payers contribute financially to children who were born with no preparation or consideration. My mother is retired state employee from the Texas Department of health and human services. She worked there for 27 years. There were people literally receiving government assistance for 20 plus years. In addition, most of these women continued to have children they could not financial afford. If some one is down on there luck that's one thing. However, far to often I find people turn government assistance into a lifestyle.
It's very smart to prepare and be financially ready for your baby. Of course, best scenario is when your baby is planned, but even if it wasn't planned, you still have 9 months to prepare, set aside money, and/or make more income. My husband and I want to have a second one so badly right now, but we need to make sure to be financially prepared for all the additional expenses. We don't want to rely on any type of government, financial aid, so we're working on making more income first
People have children everyday when they aren’t financially stable. Is it smart? No. But it happens. If you can help it, be financially stable. Because it’s stressful even on the kids. I know what it feels like to be in the projects, not have a lot, etc. It’s not fun. I decided that I didn’t want to continue in that life. So I burst my butt in college. You may have grown up there, but you don’t have to stay there.
In my own opinion, I don't really think that would be a hindrance of building your own family. It always depend on how you handle it, if you don't have any savings then find a job to earn money and be more responsible to face that kind of obligation.
I can’t believe humans are this selfish. My parents waited until their 30s to have me. They waited until they owned their own business, had a home and could pay for everything without having baby showers or anything.
My grandmother had 9 kids and she was a single mother. And my mother and her siblings basically had to raise themselves. My mother in turn raised me similarly as a single mother: I am self-raised. I can’t say this is the best way to have kids. Why have children if you can’t provide for them financially and emotionally? I am thankful for my mother, but I didn’t have the best childhood. So my answer is no, don’t have kids if you can’t provide for them.
Of course you have to be able to take care of them that goes without question however if people waited until they were financially stable to have kids most people wouldn’t have them.. And let’s get REAL ladies how many of your parents were financially stable when they had y’all.. Jeannie is the only one keeping it real
I do understand that it is important that you can afford to have a child but I don't necessarily agree with that. My parents struggled a lot as Immigrants and made some huge sacrifices for me and my sister. They willingly moved 2 time from Ghana to Italy to now England. They worked their asses off and always taught us that with hard work you can get anywhere. There was even a time when our gas was shut, but my mum found a way to make sure we had hot water by getting a gas tank and a portable stove. Thanks to them I am in 3rd year of university and applying to Medicine this year (in England we get a student loan for uni so we don't start paying back till we earn a certain amount and it is usually a very small percentage of your income. So things are very different from the USA I guess) and my sister is about to start as well. In school all the people I knew that were the kindest were the ones that their parents didn't necessarily have the most but still worked their asses to make sure there is always a roof over their heads. They have amazing values and see the good in everything. All of these people are about to graduate soon and will be doing graduate entry Jobs.
Most people have kids when they're not financially stable. Everybody who grew up around me had families that were struggling. Kids need structure, stability, and love along with money. And truth be told most kids are still growing up the same way. However, if you want your kids to have certain advantages and a certain type of lifestyle than financial planning ahead of time is prudent.
Does being financially stable mean being able to afford college and the next x-box? Or does it mean being able to afford the basics like medical bills and groceries? Just because you don't have $xxx,xxxx the minute junior is born, doesn't mean you won't be able to save up by the time he's 18. And you can put aside little bits so you can treat him every so often. Also sometimes babies bring their own little pile of luck, and finances may increase in their honor. ;)
Business XX in my opinion your child will be a legal adult by the time they go to college so its fine if you cant cover that but i would save up some money every month to assist them.
My parents *became* financially unstable, mainly because of my father. He keeps sending money to another woman and he keeps lying over it, he needs help, but I'm not explaining any further. We're not exactly poor but almost - but it's to the point where we have to keep moving houses. I kind of have a normal life but my father is just extremely uncooperative and lies over fianances. It's sickening.
Okay I get your point but what happens when the couple has a great job and then the company closes or they get laid off or they get fired stuff like that happens
If you know you can’t financially have kids, don’t have kids! Love is great but so are the necessary items you need to raise a child. My aunt has three kids and her youngest got taken away because her and the father couldn’t support him. The other two have a different father and live with him because he can support them. Having kids when you can’t support them will only hurt your baby!
