"Shouldn't I Not Push Myself Too Hard?!" // Ask Me A Question Series (Anxiety + Agoraphobia) 

I hear you, John, and I appreciate your insights, too. It’s a really hard time to strike a balance - when you are trying to do something you are physically, emotionally and mentally afraid of, so there is a need there to “encourage” yourself in a firm way but then also wanting to soften and accept the feelings, which we are so hardwired to avoid. It is hard to know if the trauma is more due to that rigidity, as you say, or due to the flooding of fear - it seems more likely to be the flooding of fear for sure! I think I spent a long time holding back, just doing tiny bits at a time whenever I felt the teeniest bit capable, but when I took a big leap and flew overseas - even though it was a LOT, I was sort of soothed to find that my panic had been not much different than the panic I had back home. It was all the same fear, really. But perhaps that was just that particular circumstance. Regardless, I respect your experiences and the resulting point of view, and 100% agree about the goal of exposure!

I agree that there is definitely such a thing as pushing too far. For example someone who is going through some kind of mental breakdown cannot and should not push too far. It is not possible for someone going through a real mental breakdown to travel around the world for example. The person must stop and get well first, just like a physical illness. I believe they should do less, and practice self love and acceptance, and slowly when they feel more energy do small things to increase their confidence, when they feel ready. I really believe the problems get much worse when we do not accept ourselves and push ourselves so much. To me it feels like the opposite of self love. I think the problem is that we do not accept ourselves at all and instead rush ourselves into things which can cause more panic, anxiety and trauma, which will not help with healing. I imagine the mental like the physical, imagine if we had a broken leg and forced ourselves to walk on it when we are not ready. Instead we need to slowly heal it and then when we feel better we will walk again. I am thinking of someone who is going through a breakdown or depression, which I think needs time and caring to heal, and not forcing.

Hi, yes I did still use them! I have been on an SSRI for a lonnnnng time now...since I was pregnant with my first child who is now nine years old! So I can honestly say I've never done exposure while not on medication - I did try to taper off briefly during lockdown but it didn't go well and I went back on after a few weeks. I hope things work out well for you, I'd love to stay updated on how you find it!