Spoken) Mary Patrick: Mary Clarence, what's your favorite part of being a nun? Deloris: Well, I Um.. Mary Patrick: Come on! There's so much to choose from! (Sung) The joy of waking up at four A.M, right on the dot The thrill of meditating all day long in just one knot Mary Lazarus: Or how 'bout reading scripture 'Til your eyes begin to glaze Mary Patrick: Or basking in the magic of your favorite Latin phrase Mary Lazarus: The peace when you surrender all your pride Mary Patrick: Your name Mary Lazarus: Your gender Mary Patrick: Consuming holy wafers by the ton It's bracing Mary Lazarus: It's a tonic! Mary Patrick: It's a moral high colonic Mary Patrick/Mary Lazarus: Praise the Lord! It's goof to be a nun Mary Martin-of-Tours/Nun 9: It's grim and un relenting, But for those who love repenting Deloris: Praise the Lord! Nuns: It's good to be a nun Nun 8: [no no no you forgot the best part] Mary Lazarus: [Yeah?] Nun 8: [Yeah] There nothing like the rush Of doing chores for Christ our Lord Nun 7: Renouncing all possessions Is of course it's own reward Nun 6: And how about confessing For an hour? Nun 8: Two! Nun 7: No, three! Nun 10: Or teaching little children How to keep their palms hair-free? Nun 2: I love the sweet sensation Of extreme self flagellation Nun 3: And genuflecting always pretty fun Nuns: And we didn't even mention All the sexual abstention Deloris: Praise the what? Nuns: It's good to be a nun. Mary Lazarus: And hey, that's just for starters Nuns: All the lucky girls are martyrs Hallelu! It's good to be a nun Nun 1: Sacrifice Nun 5: Humility Nun 9: Obedience Nun 1/Nun 5/Nun 9: Hooray! Nun 1: Poverty Nun 5: Seclusion Nun 9: That's the best Nun 1: Oh, yes Nun 5: Indeed Nun 1/Nun 5/Nun 9: Amen Nun 4: And should Heaven will it, even misery okay Mary Lazarus: Only when you're miserable Can you feel truly blessed Mary Patrick: [So, the spotlight's back you, Sister. Your turn.] Deloris: [Right, okay. My favorite part of being a nun.] The whole no men with guns thing-- I mean no men, that's great That's tough to beat We eat Thank God I'm gonna lose some weight Costume disguise habit Gotta say, Woohoh And two big thumbs up For keeping out of public view You girls seem pretty sweet As for the rent it can't be beat And hey, not being dead That's always number one Plus no one's gonna guess I've gone commando 'neath this dress Christ, you're right All: It's good to be a nun Mary Patrick: Ha-ha-ha-ha Nuns: The strictness Mary Lazarus/Mary Patrick/Nuns: The compunction Nuns: The extremeness of the unction Mary Lazarus/Mary Patrick/Nuns: No, the praying Nuns: No, the kneeling Mary Lazarus/Mary Patrick/Nuns: No, that fresh just-baptized feeling Nuns: No, the sackcloth Mary Lazarus/Mary Patrick: No, the ashes Mary Martin-of-Tours: No, our little mou--moustaches Deloris: Jesus freakin Christ, what have I done? [I mean, yay!] Mary Lazarus: One thing's very clear Mary Patrick: We're gosh-darn lucky to be here Mary Lazarus/Mary Patrick: What's more our path to Heaven's just begun Deloris: [Kill me, now.] Mary Theresa: [Patience, sister.] Nuns: Yes, the world's our oyster When you're locked inside a cloister Hallelu, it's good to be a- Praise the Lord, it's good to be a- Glory be, it's good to be a nun Amen!
