Sleep divorce, fighting in public & boundaries for childbirth | Ep. 12 

"When everything is good between mom and dad, the baby feels safe." 100%!!! This is so important for young parents to hear. Best. Advice. Ever!

I saw sleep divorce and clicked so fast…. No one talks about how difficult getting sleep is after having a baby. Sleep divorce saves marriages! ❤

"You're fully capable of meeting your child's needs." What a simple yet profound statement. If only every hospital would impress this upon every new mom as they are getting to know their babies.

People always said just wait until he’s a teenager. My son is 16 now and the teenage years have been the best yet! I love being able to have full conversations on all kinds of topics from history to current events or life lessons. I love that he can drive me somewhere now! I love watching him figure out his strengths and weaknesses and letting go enough to allow him to become a young adult, but still be there provide support if he needs. Each stage is truly a gift. Are they all easy? No, but they are all wonderful in their own way.

I totally feel when Abby was talking about everyone was saying "Wait till they do this..." but what helped me through that time was changing the way I heard them say it... "Oh just wait until they start babbling and creating their own little voice." "Just wait until you help them get their first steps" "Wait until they get to run to you to give you hugs" As a young mom who felt like she was never prepared enough, doing this helped tremendously!!!

Joining the local library is free and often they have activities for all ages. My local library had a class for babies, then toddlers, then preschool ages where the librarian would read a book while you sat with your baby in a room full of other parents and their similar aged babies and then we would sing together and I was able to build a community of local moms/dads just from going to these free classes that were once a week

The wisdom that both Abby, and Matt have, especially so young, is so impressive. It’s so special that they choose to share it and potentially impact a lot of people’s mindsets and lives. This podcast is not purely entertainment like they so humbly suggested (although it is super fun, and easily one of my favorite things to listen to) there are some REAL nuggets of wisdom here!! Love you both! God bless 💙

When Abby said “ you are the best parent for your baby and your fully capable of fulfilling your child’s needs” I lost it. I needed that with how many people are in my ear everyday thank you Abby. My mil and my mom are constantly making me feel like I’m not but I 10000% get up everyday and try to be better than the day before. ❤️

Abby is just friggen adorable. In another life I feel like she could’ve been a therapist she gives excellent advice

As a mom of an 18 month old, I can totally vouch for the fact that it gets easier. Independence in toddlers obviously has its challenges with making sure they don’t hurt themselves and just chasing them all over, BUT, it brings so much freedom at the same time. They are in a set routine, can feed themselves (which as a mom who breastfed/pumped for the first year is so freeing), and they’re just so much fun. Children are so precious and motivate you to be a better person. I hate when people make it seem like it’s such a burden.

I never understood why people say that it only gets harder... especially when they say wait until they crawl or walk. I felt soo much better when my son started to be able to move around himself. I feel like the first year is hard but you're right, it just gets better. Of course there are hard times because your child is just a little person trying to navigate all these new experiences and emotions. It can be scary or frustrating for them but to be able to care for them and establish a relationship with them is so beautiful. My son is 4 now and I am mourning the sweet little baby he used to be but am so proud that now he's a beautiful, kind, and independent little boy.

Sometimes being close to family isn’t always what’s best, the best thing I did for my kids was move further away from toxic relationships within the family. I envy you guys a little bit with how close your whole family is! Treasure that guys ❤❤

You guys always say your unplanned and never on time but you have been doing so well posting your podcast on time and I can tell you plan it all out. You guys have been posting earlier and earlier on Wednesdays. Which is awesome! Love you guys and this podcast!

I LOVE Abby’s insight on the last question of choosing a partner to go through life with and not waiting til life slows down, cause it doesn’t. And Matt rubbing her knee after 🥹❤

This episode was so informational! I am just a young teen, barely starting high school, but I've always had this fantasy of finding love and having kids young. And since I don't have any experience, this episode really helped me understand a lot of details that go into getting married and developing a stable, healthy relationship. I love you guys and your podcast so so much, and I've already followed you for 2 and a half years! I would really recommend this podcast for all age groups, if you are experiencing problems in your relationship or if you are just interested in the topic and preparing for your future. Thanks for spending so much time explaining everything in such a genuine way, this type of content is seriously so hard to find nowadays! Again, Love y'all so much! Keep up the good work!❤

From the advice you give people on the internet in a deep level, I couldn't imagine the advice and life lessons you're going to give Griffin and your future kids when they need it. You gave the best advice to people you don't know. Your kids are going to be so blessed when they get older to have parents to talk to about things that are difficult in life. Thank you so much for this podcast♥

“Your dad doesn’t own you” Totally agree. I asked for my fiancé’s parents blessing. They graciously gave it, but I was proposing either way lol

As an overwhelmed mother of a two month old, I needed to hear it’ll get better. I love being a mom but the uncertainty of everyday and every situation has my anxiety constantly heightened. I feel guilty feeling overwhelmed because I know I’ll miss these days but I can’t help but feel so anxious about meeting her needs always. Thank you for the advice. ❤️

Got married really young and September will be 44 years! You got this! Bless you and good luck!

I recently discovered through one of their stories that I am just 3 years younger than Matt's mom, so maybe that explains why I'm so protective of these two. They're so young and still experiencing so many "new first" in life. So I hate when I see or hear someone attack them in the comments. Matt and Abby are just as cute as could be. The best parents and have more of ahead on their shoulders than most kids their ages. Love you guys. Always waiting for ANY new video you put out ❤️❤️

Your success is based on your authenticity and your natural chemistry. I’ve watched you when you had 5000 followers and how you’ve grown and evolved. Your like cookies and milk…comforting. Always enjoy how open and honest you guys are in discussing different topics. Keep it up. Much success to you both!

53:48 when Abby was talking about choosing a partner to go through highs and lows with…I teared up seeing Matt reach over and rub her knee 🥹❤️

I agree with a lot of people giving negative "advice" to make it seem like this beautiful little one is such a negative thing. When my daughter was born, her cry was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard in my life and I immediately started crying. Happy tears. I mentioned how beautiful her cry was to a nurse after my csection and she said "just wait until it's at 3am..." She tried to turn such a beautiful positive experience into a negative one. And guess what? Hearing my daughter cry at 3am and getting up with her has never been a dreadful or terrible thing. I'm thankful for my baby and I don't take her for granted. Having a baby is hard but it's honestly what you make it imo. You can always flip something into a positive and choose to not have negative people like that in your life :)

It’s incredible how comforting it is to see a happy loving relationship like your guys’. You two will say something while I am watching your videos in the house and my fiancé will give me a kiss on the head whenever you say something that resonates with us ❤ which is a lot!!

As a young person who is engaged I appreciated this episode so much. Thank you guys. All the best wishes for your family ❤

You’ve given such good advice as a young married couple and young parents. I love the part we’re you talked about not losing yourself motherhood and baby. That happened to me and caused me a lot of resentment that I still carry with me. Married 41 yrs.

Matt’s reaction while Abby is reading the questions is the bestttttt. Y’all together are so sweet. The chemistry is just 10/10. I love your podcast and I love yalls approach to tough topics.

Re asking Dad’s permission to marry: a way to modernize this question while still holding on to the aspect of respect it holds is to ask for parents’ blessing rather than permission! My fiancé asked for the blessing of both of my parents before asking me to marry him and I thought it was super respectful and sweet while avoiding playing into those old vestiges of ownership over women ❤

I was a nurse in newborn nursery. I would say try to limit visitors, especially for first time parents. There’s so much to learn and you need your rest… I had a c-section and my husband invited so many people. I dry heaved with at least 6 people standing around the bed. It was awful. Take that time for at most very close family or friends. You have the rest of your lives to visit with others. 💙

Listened to this podcast while on the road and absolutely LOVED it. So entertaining and comforting at the same time. Thanks for being so authentic and genuinely fun to listen to!! 💗

I got married at 20 (husband was 22) and I LOVE that we grew up together. Started dating earlier obvs - I was 17 and he was 19 when we first got together. Just celebrated 10 years married! WOO! Also, as far as the money goes, I feel like we didn't fight about it because we were figuring it out together. Our finances were geared toward our early lives and our relationship vs coming into a relationship with set jobs, bills, etc. that we had to divvy up. Side note: We are sleep divorced too lol have been for over a year simply because it's just more comfortable for both of us to have our own space.... our marriage is fine. As long as you're making time to connect in other ways in the waking hours I don't understand the stigma. I'm also 7 months pregnant with our second right now and I'm so happy I don't have to share my space or pillows.

Can we please do more of these!? I looked down and realized this episode was almost over. An hour is just not enough! I absolutely adore the podcast.Thank you guys for all of your advice and all the suggestions you have to offer! I know this is a lot of work to edit, upload, etc with a growing family so thank you!! ❤

It’s so sweet to hear the way the two of you talk about your marriage. ❤ I’m in my late twenties now and have struggled with opening up after a painful breakup. I’m lucky now to have a new loving partner. I still feel scared about the future sometimes, but the two of you remind me how beautiful it can be to share your life with someone you love.

I have been a silent watcher for awhile now. This episode spoke to me in so many different ways and it so nice to hear your guys opinions along with the fact other people are going through the same things as me. Every time you guys give advice I feel it’s very genuine. Thank you so much for opening your life up for all of us to enjoy! ☺️

my favorite episodes is just hearing the two of you talk!! I’m so excited when Wednesdays come now 😊

Sleep is so important, you guys are doing the right thing 🙏🏼

Hey Matt and Abby! Thank you for being my comfort people and RU-vid channel. I feel like I know you guys like my friends. I wish you guys lots of love and so much joy in your lives❤❤❤

As a mom of 3 under 3.. (3yr old with a set of twins 7months old) I learned with my first… they grow so fast.. and EVERY stage has highlights and hard things.. but your 2nd pregnancy, your 2nd child…. Grows faster.. and you blink and think “where did time go” there will be times you say “man I can’t wait until they can sit and eat on their own- that will be easier” and then when it happens you think “man it was easier when they let me feed them” 😂 so everyone .. enjoy every moment… You only have 18 summers with your kids.. and then they’ll start their own lives..

YESSS ABBY!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 the way you answered the “settle proposal” question was SO spot on! intentionally in a relationship is so important and following up on those intentions is vital. realistically nothing should be a ‘complete’ surprise (proposal, next steps convo, etc), the timeline for these thing may be a little broad but it should be expected to be a topic of discussion once you’ve committed to someone! so girl who asked, go into it confident!

Dropping the kids off to my favorite podcast? What a great way to start the day ❤ sending love and hugs

Hi! Love your podcast and channel. I just want to chime in a little on marriage. My husband and I met when I was 16 he was 17, we became best friends and with time and life we lost contact until 19 and 20. We were engaged within a year and married a year later, we had a baby a year later. In two weeks we are celebrating our 25 year anniversary and we have known each other over 30. We have watched each other grow up also, we are happier now than ever before, but I want to say that marriage is a lot of work. If you truly love each other, you will always get through incredibly difficult times. We did go through a period of time where we were unhappy and we finally decided that we either give up or we fight for our marriage and each other. We obviously decided we wanted to be together and figure out what we needed from each other to make things better. The two biggest things that made a huge difference was therapy for us separated and together and the understanding that communication is more important than people think. Don’t assume anything, ask, when my husband realized I can’t read his mind it helped lol 😂❤

i really love your podcasts, the topics and your way of communicating with each other is very engaging and relaxing!

These Q&As are my favourites of the podcast videos. You two are so honest and genuine but kind and funny at the same time and give great advice. I will be a new parent this year (at the age of 24)and I have found a lot of comfort and courage in watching you guys navigate life.

Love that you are posting earlier ❤️. Thanks for all your hard work.

so true about expectations. because I've experienced so much disappointments and downfalls when you expect something, especially with relationships. never expect. accept. my younger sister was the one who advised me about this, and i don't know if she understood how largely her words impacted me, because now, i am so comfortable with how i handle my relationship with my partner. when you expect, you don't appreciate what's actually happening and be grateful for it.

This is the only podcast I watch and enjoy, you guys are so genuine and I love how real y’all are!!🫶🏻

Thank you dudes for your videos!! They brighten my day watching you two together not afraid to show the world how much you love each other just makes me happy and makes me believe that maybe one day I will find that. You two are ultimate couple goals ❤❤

Damn guys you have so much wisdom to share to the world. Life gives the greatest lessons but you two really are mature it’s nice to see

I absolutely love this podcast; haven’t missed an episode yet. It’s important that you both get good quality sleep :)

I cannot believe its been 12 episodes already!!! ❤ i havent missed one yet. For your 100th episode you should do a contest for your UP fans and see if we can answer all the questions from the different 100 episodes. And like the little easter eggs thrown in etc. 😊

Thank you for being so raw • you guys are amazing. Truly love listening to y’all 🤍

Please do a part 2!!! You all give such great advice that applies to so many people!

I think all of this is really wise advice, thanks so much for it❤ I look forward to your podcast every week, you are really warm and welcoming.

Your podcast is the one and only one that captivates me soo much❤ Love you guys!

i absolutely love matt’s sound effects when abby reads the entries 😭😭

I have been waiting for this video! I always look forward to them every week!

I’m not usually a podcast person, but I’ve literally been binging this podcast for the past couple days. I love your content!

I got married at 19 & have been married 36 yrs. I agree make sure it’s really what you want to do & be prepared like Matt said about learning about money. Communication is 100% important.

You guys are so cute! I love that Abby was checking in on Matt before continuing her thought ❤

Loved this podcast episode!!! Made me realize as much as I’d like to think my parents give unbiased advice I could probably keep things in my relationship between my boyfriend and I. We are 25, dated twice before, met in 2018, we talk abt marriage & kids. We are committed to one another and honestly have great open conversations so there is no need to allow others into our private conversations so often. He has told me I am too open w my friends and family and i brushed off his feelings abt it bc I feel that my parents are so good at being unbiased but at the end of the day I don’t need to vent abt everything to my dad 😅. Thank you for helping me realize this! Love y’all from Texas🤩❤️

You guys just put that marriage talk so well spoken👏

I literally set the hospital expectation and the response I got was, “no. We will wait in the lobby because that’s what we wanted after having our babies. You will want people there”….. Surprise. I didn’t want anyone there and felt guilted into allowing them to come back when I literally had been passing out pushing my baby. I don’t hold resentment, but I seriously wish people would be more respectful with women who have babies.

I didn’t want this episode to end!! I love all the advice!

Such a good and insightful episode! Really enjoyed the dynamics of the both of you maybe not agreeing at the beginning but at the end is clear you both have the same values and respect each other’s opinions!

The way I've always explained it is "it doesn't really get easier, it just gets different and you learn to adapt" kids change so frequently and so quickly. Some phases are easier or you are better equipped for that phase, but it doesn't necessarily stay that way. It doesn't get "harder" but it does get different.

I love your podcast so much it puts a smile on my face every time I listen. ❤️

What a good way to start my Wednesday morning🥰 love you guys!

This podcast is amazing. You guys are such good cohosts and give great input! Keep up the great work guys!😊

I love the podcast!❤️ I look forward to it every week! I’d say prepare yourself for the idea of your plans for the hospital don’t go as you’d like. I had the uncomfortable conversation about hospital visits and nobody respected my wishes🙃.

My favourite day of the week!! Thank you for being you’s ❤

I love y’all so much and I love y’all vids and these podcasts are amazing!!!❤️❤️❤️

I’m 18 & just got engaged! Getting married in a few months & I’ll be 19… I would definitely say it’s a very heavy choice… prayer & listening to wise counsel are def necessary! Love the podcast ❤

Previous generations took commitments more seriously than current generations. You guys are the exception. You guys promoting commitment is refreshing.

Hi Matt & Abby, I am one of your silent followers. I really love your podcast! You both gave really good advice on this episode and you guys are so wise beyond your age! Thank you for being so honest & real in all your videos!Can’t wait for the next episode 😊

This one was amazing! Positive, uplifiting, wise.❤ I felt extremely productive watching it😊

Wow! I'm like 18 minutes in already and I am relating so much to you rn Matt! I am almost 18 I'm single but I too have been in the job situation where I need it to get my future going! My parents don't pay my car insurance or gas but do pay my cellphone bill bc I do still live with them until I go to college. It is hard work, but it has taught me how to be responsible and careful with how I use my money! Thank y'all for doing this podcast! I listen to it every night when I do my incline walk on the treadmill lol! Keep up the great work!

Y’all are amazing!! I love this podcast 🥰♥️

Ya'll are My favorites! Love watching you guys!

I think that the fact you are in it for the long haul is amazing 💕

I really enjoy watching this video. As a 22 year old and looking into advice for my 4 year relationship this video as help me so much. I really love your podcast and all the topics and people you bring. Cant wait for the next one ❤

such an interesting episode! I love the way Abbey is handling difficult conversations

My favorite episode! Amazing questions and discussions!!! Hope more videos like that will come out!

These podcasts are the best! Love you guys!

I love this video so much!!! You guys are so sweet and come from such a good place! Y’all should do this again!!!

Love this podcast 🥰❤️ feels like we wait longer than we do lol love you guys! And thanks for making my life way better! You guys pulled me out of a rut.

I love that I am here 4 minutes after it's been posted. I love watching these podcasts ❤

I have been following you and I have always been amazed at how mature you two are at your age. You have a good Christian attitude and such a good mind set about marriage. I wish I was this mature and knowledgeable when I was your age.

I agree with you, Abby. It does get better raising a baby/child AND it's normal if you're overwhelmed at first. Our very temperamental babe seemed to get happier as she grew more competent--being able to crawl, then walk, play at a park, talk, play pretend, read, write, etc. And while it is kind of sad to see them grow out of little clothes and out of babyhood, toddlerhood, etc., their new skills and abilities open so many doors to adventure and fun that their continued development and relationship with you outweighs the sadness of them growing up.

I love y'all's guests but I LOVEEE when it's just y'all!!!!!

You guys are so realistic and fun. My boyfriend and I watch and listen to your podcasts and found your advice and videos are super helpful !! Plus I’m a mom of 2 and relate so much! I appreciate you guys ❤

It's really interesting how you answered the question about advice with a newborn. Stuff like jobs and childcare is pretty much already solved in Germany. You just have to choose which options you want :)

Never missed an episode. Love hearing from you guys🥰

You guys are always the best ❤ I was on a long car ride and watching this it’s so entertaining. Wednesday are my favorite days

I was that person that would say, oh that’s nothing wait til they start walking or talking, then I had a close friend tell me that’s not good advice to give new mommas! So now I’m the one that says aww how cute, how do you feel about that. Just saying, I’m a mom of 10 boys, yes all boys! Now I am raising 4 grandkids and have found myself thinking oh gosh this is nothing just wait until they start doing this or that! Thank you for all your life lessons even an old lady can learn! 🥰 You guys are amazing people and are so kind and loving! Can’t wait to see all the joy your next little Howard brings!

I always thought I was alone with that Abby!! I don’t have kids yet but I’m super excited to experience that journey of life with my husband and start enjoying life with the wonderful kiddos… but everytime I tell people that I’m BEYOND excited, people older than me who have kids make comments that make me feel bad about wanting kids. It’s so beyond frustrating and I already know my older siblings will say things like that to me when I have my own. I know kids aren’t easy but people just always have negative things to say and it gets to be too much. But you’re guys’ advice makes me feel so much better💗

My love language is physical touch so when I heard of this initially I was like what?! After watching some videos I found out it's different for them and they like things such as acts of service, which I get. I get why they are "sleep divorced". It's in a healthy way and for a good reason. Abby is pregnant she needs as much rest as she can get she is growing a human. It's not like they are non-stop arguing, hate each other, and are now sleeping in separate rooms, barely even talking with each other, etc. It must be hard on them, but its for a good reason. My mom usually sleeps on the couch most nights due to my dads loud snoring and she is a light sleeper. That doesn't mean they don't love each other. My parents love each other so much and are best friends. I think we should all be more empathetic, and see where others are coming from.

I've been told this person will take the family on tour so I wouldn't b alone much & he understands my situation & agrees with it & will go along with it!

I LOVED this episode! So many good questions and answers! My husband and I have definitely grown up together! We started dating at 14. He went straight into the workforce after high school and I went to college for a year before leaving to work in childcare. By 20, I was over being just a girlfriend (we’d been talking about it for a few years - we just both wanted to have our ducks in row aka, somewhere to live). I sat down with my boyfriend and said, “When do you want to get married, realistically?” and “Are you ready to step into the next stage of life with me?” I laid my feelings out on the table and we just had an open, honest conversation about it. We both agreed we were ready and a few months later, he surprised me whilst in a beach trip with our friends. We married 6 months later at 21, knew we wanted to start trying for a baby (we were constantly told we were crazy and need to enjoy our marriage first but that wasn’t what we wanted) and I was pregnant not even three weeks after our wedding. We’re now 22, almost 23, with an 8 month old and have no regrets. Your marriage is yours and yours only! Do not be afraid to communicate because it is the basis of all relationships (not just marriage but friendships as well). Lay your feelings out. This is your life partner. Never go to bed angry. With the whole sleep divorce situation, if you have to sleep in the same bed with your partner in order to sustain your marriage, there’s a much bigger problem at hand! I had a C-section and preferred sleeping in the living room for comfort purposes (I like being propped up in my comfy chair basically 😂). My baby slept in a bassinet beside me. Now we cosleep in mine and my husband’s bed (turns out I have extreme anxiety if my baby isn’t right beside me😅). My husband works nights so we only sleep in the same bed two nights a week. Like I said before, communication is such a big deal. Intimacy is so much more than a bed partner.

As usual another amazing episode ❤🥰

you guys are so cute and love how realistic toy guys are and making ppl realise that every one is different and how much important it is for communication