This episode has truly blessed me. I've been praying about making friends. I feel like making friends when you are older it's harder. I just want to be surrounded by Godly purpose filled women.
@@jemimakeston7827 It's true, I'm learning that now. People learn how to love by being loved. If you've never been shown love, you can't conceive it. it doesn't mean your friends will always do it but they'll know how.
I agree with Jem. That's not always the case. I ALWAYS show up for friends and I don't ever see that in return. I'm always a giver but ppl tend to be taken advantage of. Im know in a situation where I have a so called friend who has shown jealousy and lack of support for me and I'm like I'm done
@@SMARAGH20 i used to have a similar problem. It really helped me to begin enforcing boundaries with everyone and working on my self esteem so I could be brave enough to enforce those boundaries. But please recognize that people still need to be loved. If loving them from a distance is necessary, do that 🤷🏽♀️. But Luke 7:47 states that he who is forgiven little, loves little. So continue to show up for your friends, but make sure you have good boundaries. They'll protect you from users. Also, if that person can't handle being your friend, love them from a distance. Speak well of them, bless them, send them, communicate your boundaries, and keep your distance. Don't let them make you bitter. How you love your friends is a gift. If they can't appreciate it, forgive them for that and keep it moving.
Now at the age of 50 (unmarried) I wish I had been more intentional about friends. It is hard to meet friends when you're older because people are settled in their lives and it's hard to trust people (women at that) but I dont want to die alone without friends or a husband. We really do need people. ❤
Praying for you sister. Trust the Lord…One thing my mom told me is that when she was young and had committed to walking closer with the Lord, she prayed and asked the Lord for Christian friends (like Preston mentioned) and it was not long before He began to bring those Christian friends! This was when I was very little, so all I remember is my Mom having good Christian friends. Watching those relationships created a template for my friendships as I became an adult. I shared that to say to you: I just turned 48 and I’m also unmarried. I do have a solid community of Christian friends, and you can too! God answers prayer! What makes you different from Preston or my Mom? If you’re a Christ follower; Nothing. The Lord hears that concern and I believe He’ll answer. Blessings! 🙏🏽✝️
Along with the response that was given I also suggest, respectfully changing your mindset. If you feel like people can't be trusted, women or men then you won't be open when God starts sending people your way. If you're a Christian look for the fruit of the Spirit in those you want to be friends with.
This is so timely honestly, my prayer for 2023 is for Godly friendships and a Godly relationship. There definitely has been a shift in some of my friendships and I realized I'm changing so much that these friendship no longer align with who I am anymore. I really would love more loving, kind, faith filled, fulfilling relationships and I pray for all people in the comment section seeking that in Jesus name 🤍
Whew, this was so good! This a much-needed conversation because people think friendships are supposed to get easier as you get older. No, making time, being intentional, being receptive, and being communicative is WORK!
Mmmmmm. Jackie said it best… having friends because of their “style.” EVERYTHINGGGG is aesthetic now a days even friendship. Sad but true & it has many of us wanting that “Instagram, social media” type of friendship where friends are dressed up, clinking drinks & doing a day in the life videos lol
I've had so many friendships where I was drained and it's hardened me to the point where I no longer want to be emotionally available for friends. And I'm praying for God's healing
Grateful for the Godly friends who stuck around when I had nothing to offer at all and taught me how to show up for others in a way I didn’t know before. I struggle with friendships. I’m 29, and I fee like I only have capacity for a few friendships but my heart wants to be there for more friends. I need to pray more about this honestly.
Jackie really told the truth about how some people, especially women, will ascribe motives because you aren’t showing up in a way they feel you should. I lost a friend that way. She tore me down and walked away. Couldn’t understand that I was going through a transition in life. It’s been months and I’m still grieving about our friendship because I really cared for her. Please pray for me.
It's crazy that we aren't taught to pray for our friendships the way we are, romantic relationships! However, the timing and topic of this video? God clearly told y'all to make it for ME...PERIOD! So, thank you for this. 🙏🏽💜
I low-key need a part two on this discussion! Navigating adult friendships have been a bit difficult for me. I'm not the best at keeping in touch. This was good, y'all touched on a lot of different aspects.
This episode is everything. I've been praying for friend's like this. I feel like I've been so isolated for so long. Lord thank you for drawing me to this video. Goodness.
Yessss… many people think that time breads intimacy AUTOMATICALLY & it simply doesn’t. Intimacy had to be intentional- even when there’s chemistry. You can have a 20 year surface friend & you can have a 2 year friendship that you rely on without question.
Lord give me the courage to be faithful to what you are telling me. Lord, I have not had an intimate friendship before. I do not know how to look for a friendship or what they look like. So God, I pray for discernment in hearing your voice as guidance through comfortability. Remind me that you are after my whole heart in this process.
I have a friend who used to be a virtual friend. She was virtual for 6 years... When we met at first time it was HORRIBLE! We saw all our flaws and it cost some time of praying and reorganization and, after 3 years we met again and it was AMAZING! Today we still have to keep balancing our behavior, but we've been seen how God has been working through our hard friendship!!! I think that discernment is a key to know if the friendship is worth.
This blessed me sooo much! If I do not KNOW you, you are not my friend. A lot of “friendship” are just getting by off of “just vibes”, but they have no clue who they are actually associating themselves with. I understand friendship isn’t a quiz/race and should be grown organically, but they take work. I feel that if someone isn’t interested in getting to know me they are not interested in being my friend. We can be associates tho 🤷🏾♀️
Interesting conversation. . I have kids, and a man, but I’m soooo isolated…. I have distant friends, but as I age, and as life goes on, it’s getting harder to maintain friendships….. and well… I’ll be honest…. I like being alone 😅… when I don’t have my kids around, all I want is some peace and quiet to do NOTHING…. I’m kinda over overextending myself to stay in peoples lives when they don’t even do the same for me.
@@wilsonswife85 Perfectly said! I never really had a problem with being alone but now that my children are grown I don't want to be alone. I want to live outside like Jesus.😇❤
This! All of this!! All your comments reaonate!!....I have a nice circle of women but lately I have little interest in going too tooooo deep..as I have before. I have taken out alot of time to pour into them but the pouring definitely doesn't go both ways (with the exception of 2 from time to time but majority kinda cant especially because of where they are spiritually and in life..no shade just saying 1 still a side piece 1 hastly chasing money over everything 1 angry at men..but 1 spiritually above me and deep..1 trying to gain their spiritual footing which is beautiful).. Overall, I feel like I'm a big WELL where folks come to fill their cup..but at this point with so many years of servitude and loyalty and pouring...the well needs some pouring into right?! So I'm rocking with my husband and God..I need a break, and now at 38 (just turned a few days ago)...im tired and just think I need some reevaluation, pruning, and silence..if that makes sense.
The heart of intimicy is communication and keeping a community functional and intentional about checking in with each other... Key word communication because that's one thing we really need to work on as a kingdom cause that will break barriers for people to get more vulnerable because they have the language for it...we need to talk
I love that Jackie compared building strong friendships with having a strong marriage. I wholeheartedly agree with this. I also love that Preston talked about God calling you up higher in a place of friendship. This is such a profound message. I am especially glad I listened to it. God Bless You. I definitely will come back to this several times.
That’s so true! No one really says anymore, “hi, I would like to be your friend because i think we could benefit each other.” Kindergartners are better at this than adults, next thing you know…those same kindergartners are each others bridesmaids in their weddings 20 years later 😮
Thank you so much for going in depth and covering the nuance of this topic. Makes me feel less crazy for thinking about it to this degree. Community is so important to a healthy Christian walk, and I think it takes a great deal of discernment and prayer to have a balanced perspective in who and how to invest in the people around you.
Man, y’all are so insightful when it comes to conversing about things. Just everyday situational things like friendship that holds importance. I really resonated with Preston on this one. I’ve been in the Air Force for over 2 years now & it’s very hard to find a few good men who I can call friend…& just have some “Kingdom talk.” We’re all so busy trying to chase after rank & quality of life…that it becomes hard to just sit down, away from it all and debrief..outside of the uniform. Anyhow, I appreciate you guys blessing my Holy algorithm this morning.🙏🏾
I moved a lot as a kid. My sister's kept in touch with people way better than me. I still suck at this. I had a lot of opportunities to make friendships go deeper but I just didn't know how. I still don't know how other than just do what they want but I worry I'll be forgotten or I'll get irritated and treat someone bad. Unfortunately, I get very easily irritated with people, it's a terrible trait, even when I love them, but I don't want to lose them for silly reasons so I just don't get too close. I don't want to be rejected and I don't want to reject othes either. It's an odd thing.
Yoooo, I know what u mean! 😩 I realized that I would get irritated and not even meaning to i would take it out on them and just let friendship die out and then saw myself working so hard to please people and it wasn’t healthy and led to more hurt and toxicity. So I had to get to the root of where the irritation was coming from. Was it a trigger and why? Why am I scared to get close, and as a result pull away, and why? Why am I scared to stand up or keep my individuality- bc scared of loss. But it was the root of rejection.. but I developed and still developing an unwavering relationship with the Lord, gave those areas to God. Allowing Him to heal me, letting go of the past, and ask Him to bring people that are meant to be in my life and remove the people that do not benefit me and vice versa. Not everyone is ur assignment and is meant to be attached to u! Our identity, self worth, and validation doesn’t come from People but always and only from Jesus. And it’s a process! But ur aren’t alone ! I will be praying for u brother.
For me it's a combination of being afraid of rejection and also afraid of falling back into people pleasing. I'm not good at setting boundaries so I'd rather keep people at arms length and I don't like being emotionally depended on
That irritation may at the root really be anxiety because of the history of instability & disappointments. I'd ask God to help & ask Him to connect with you to a trauma- trained counselor, as I did.
I can totally relate, I was not raised to share everything. My mom simply thought we should have some things to ourselves, which I understand. Her teaching did not dissuade us from sharing or make us selfish. She simply allowed me to acknowledge that I deserve things for myself as well. I do have a giving heart, so thank God for that.
This was interesting. I've never really looked at friendships that way. I have some amazing friends that I feel I don't spend enough time cultivating relationship with and I should probably be more deliberate about fixing that. But I also have walked away from people that made being their friend a very cutting experience. But the frame that you can be someone's friend but they can't be yours and, despite how draining it is, you still stick around is beautiful to me. It's tiring. It sounds exhausting, but it's also important to ask God if that's what you should be doing because he will grant you the strength you need. Overall, as someone who struggles to make friends and meet new people. I think this was interesting for me to sit through. The closest friend I have is someone I prayed for. A true blessing he has been to me. Honestly it feels like he's more of a blessing to me than I am to him and that hurts me deeply. So, I have seen the power of asking God to bless you with friends. Maybe I'll do it more often. I'm not the biggest fan of lurking in these comment sections, 'cause it feels like I'm just talking to myself and I might as well just journal about it, but, yeah. I'll leave this to linger on the inter webs. 😂😂
does it hurt bc u feel u don’t mean as much to him? or simply bc u can’t reciprocate all that u receive? i’d encourage a shift in perspective: u mentioned draining, tiring relationships earlier & now you’ve been blessed with one wherein u can rest. u can literally bask in an answered prayer. allow urself to receive in peace & be filled. u never know. maybe ur friend prayed to become a more valuable, nurturing friend & u are his gift as well.
I love how this started. I'm currently in a season of sifting through connections. What's interesting to me is, I can literally feel God guiding me to reach out to certain people that share spiritual depth. Like our conversations may sometimes include complaining, but it always ends with scripture, prayer, and encouragement! But there are definitely levels. Friends I can do dinner with, friends I am intimate with, and so on. Communication and great listening helps! I love this!
I ask myself that same question about being raised as an only child and being a good wife all the time. Thank you for being so transparent and honest. You both are wrecking my life in such a good way right now...I am Godly thankful!!!
This was healingg, and helped me let go of some bitterness I have with someone who wasn’t showing up for me. Still praying for those godly friends and working on appreciating whatever love others have to offer even if it’s not a close bond . Thank you guys
man!!!! For the past 2 months or so, God truly has been using this podcast week after week to answer the questions I have been asking and to speak into the very seasons I am in right now. This is so good and so timely. Thank yall for having this conversation!!!
This was an on-time word. I was starting to think I needed to end a friendship of 15 years because things feel different these days, but this episode helped me realize I needed to talk it out with her since I want us to be present for our future as wives and mothers.
this episode was much needed! i’ve been saying i want new & good friends but i also have realized that i lack in the area of being a good friend myself!
After I got saved 2 years ago I lost all my friends and God just told me to have peace being alone and not even pursue friendships. But now I'm trying to make friends with people who will encourage me and support my faith and it's not easy at all
I glean so much wisdom from you two as a unit and individually. Thank you God for your obedience and discipline it takes to continuously show up for yourselves, each other and your supporters. Much Love
The Bible says a good friend sticks closer than brother. As you grow it’s okay to leave some friendships because not everyone is ready or wants to mature .
As a middle child, you would think I’m the friend needing attention but I am with Jackie on that level of not requiring so much need to talk and definitely do not like small talk. I do enjoy meeting and talking to people but not over doing it.
This is good, a needed conversation! The part about having and building intimacy and communicating intention in friendships was something I needed to hear.
This episode is fantastic! A timely conversation I learned so much. I’m currently going through this with the end of a ten year friendship. I know God is trying to teach me something and make me grow💕
Both the toxic friend and the one there as an “assignment” are similar. Both aren’t equally beneficial. The person we’re assigned to, we pour into with the expectation not to receive. I concur that God confirms who is who. He has a purpose for the one we’re called to.
Been friends with my best friend for 13 years n we’re roommates but ever since I rededicated my life to Christ things been off n yesterday proved where our friendship stands Now leaning it to GOD TO MOVE OUT N FIND A NEW PLACE N PRAYING FIT A STABLE JOB TO COME THROUGH THIS VIDEO WAS HELPFUL ❤️❤️❤️
GEEZ LOUISE how much I needed to hear this one. Friends are my area where I must continue to invite the Lord into. Thank you both for displaying love. ❤️
Thanks for opening up on that sharing thing in the beginning. I completely relate with Jackie on that. I am not an only child but was raised as one being the youngest kid. Sharing in marriage is still a struggle for me, in fact I would rather 'buy him his own' than share mine. That's what I have hidden behind. But I think my daughter is slowly changing that. And its seeped into my friendships, that's why sharing myself with others has been super scary. being vulnerable has been hard, so I have told myself that I would rather manage alone, but I know that Christ has called me to connect and share, its hard yall
This conversation was real impactful as I have been sharing these same thoughts with my husband as we navigate changes in relationships. None of this is easy but worth understanding and walking through. Thank you for sharing.
A blessing, as always, with your episodes. It also explains why my spirit has been rejecting this “soft life” term, that I keep noticing. Just another “thing of this world” that I’m not trying to be about.
I appreciated Jackie talking about losing friends because you know they don't help you grow in your relationship with Jesus. This year I had to lose some friends (after reading 1st Corinthians 5) and it was so painful but God really understood that pain and has been caring for me in the grief and is now guiding me toward people who will instead help me grow in my relationship with Jesus. What a wonderful shepherd.
A small clip of this video led to me watching my first episode. Listen carefully to what is said from the two. We should all seek to become a friend like Jesus.
Atlanta is WEIRD. Very weird. I experienced the same thing while I was there. It always seems like everyone had something up their sleeve or some ulterior motive. Despite being patient and discerning , people get so wrapped up in themselves and what they got going on… it just was a lot. I’m glad that I was able to make connections nonetheless.
I agree. Atlanta is a very transient and trendy city and unfortunately, because of that, it can be really hard to find authentic people to be friends with or date. And I must say God Blessed me with some really great and Godly people when I was there. He does come through. 💛
This was soooo good and right on time. I have someone in my life that has issues all the time and their outlook is always negative and it’s what I seem to attract. Honestly, it’s draining. I’ve been praying because we are here to serve and not just receive so I had to check myself. I have taken away some good information from this. Thank you!
This blessed me. I agree with Preston that God is leading me and particular with who I have around me in this season. A particular type of friend. I desire depth in my friendships. Definitely need to be more prayerful in this area ❤️
I'm an only child too. I'd tell people I'm an only child & they'd say "I would've never thought that" AND THEN "I bet you were spoiled" 👀 Ma'am/Sir NO I just didn't have anyone else there to get stuff JUST ME! 🤣🤣 I can say when I'm your friend I'm your friend - I'm FOR you and that, at times, can be complicated. I also had to learn to "Not Trust" until people show me they're trustworthy. That I didn't learn until my 30's (many knife marks in my back) and I still have an issue with people not just being themselves ... I don't have time to get through your representative, Just BE you!
I needed this talk soooooo bad!!! Literally confirmed what I’ve been thinking, but afraid to act because not wanting to disappoint the one that isn’t equally beneficial to me. I love y’all so much. Thank you
I am truly thankful for this particular episode because I am someone who keeps a friendship for a long time. But I have found that as I grow in God, sometimes the old friendships do not support that. This conversation truly helped me concerning this. Thank you.
This pod literally had my laughing! Jackie I was the only child for 13 years and still act like the only child. And sometimes I feel like a sucky mom and wife because I appreciate solitude! Thank you guys for sharing! Y’all remind me so much of my husband and I.
Watching this friendship convo today Got me thinking of what God has been communicated to me ,but I feel like I have been ignorant I had to pause watching and went & to repent to the Holy Spirit because of my behaviour😭🥹 What a timely episode to watch Sending love from SA❤
I absolutely love this conversation. We need to be intentional about who we spend our time me. Figure out what type of friendships are you looking for. Involve God in that as well.
Wow I needed this. I've been struggling to make new friends after I moved to a new city and don't know who to make friends with believers, non believers. Going to pray about being intentional. Thanks Preston and Jackie
Hey ,I just love listening to y’all’s podcast it’s just so refreshing and holistic …. Although I did want to add a suggestion for y’all . I believe that it would be something great that after every specific topic that y’all talk about on an episode that y’all just leave it off with a small prayer by way of praying over people in line with that specific topic that you cover . I hope this comment was of use it’s just a little something I thought would be a great addition to your show ❤ much love family and Happy Easter in advance ❤
Very good episode. I'm praying for some great friends. Let go of some weird friendships and looking for some game changers. I know they are out there. Iron sharpens iron.
I’m struggling mann… I am doing all the work in a relationship, and idk how this is gonna end… it’s good to see the perspective of friendships through believers
After I got out of an abusive relationship I was a single mother and my friend of 20 years told me that I have to suffer for my children and I believed her until I realized she wanted me to be miserable like her. I tried to grow with her but she kept bringing me down. when I gave my life to christ she kept trying to keep me down and I wanted to grow for me and my children. Hard discernment. If you aint walking to Jesus get out my way I want all God has for me and my children Glory.. Great conversation
10:18 Growing more in this direction again. It makes for a more wholesome experience overall. There are levels and we must love accordingly if we actually desire peace. 24:24 gratitude for company will have you so naïve
