Dealing with anger 

I was sexually abused for years and grew up in a culture that women/children did not have a voice. The biggest trigger for me is not being heard/understood, being ignored. I can be angry about something at a level 3 but if I voice it and it gets ignored, it immediately jumps to a level 10. I also have just as much anger when I see others getting ignored or not having a voice. As far as righteous anger…I used to get really upset about minor issues like being overcharged or not getting the discount I was supposed to get, people cutting in line, bullies, etc. I could not control myself but I realized that it was not about me at all. It was more about fairness and justice. In my head, I spoke up because it was a way to balance justice in the world, as crazy as it seemed. From there, I realized that I could use my anger for a better cause…advocating against child abuse, abortion, trafficking, etc. So now, instead of getting worked up about day to day stuff I try to focus it towards a greater good, a bigger cause. It is so much more effective and rewarding.

“Anger reveals your idols” - wow, that’s profound. Oftentimes we turn our anger outwards, and think the cause is external, meanwhile it’s revealing something within. That’s enlightening, thanks for this.

I am cracking up from the beginning of this episode; that was the holy ghost Preston, Jackie was being used by the holy one to discuss hygiene 🙌🏾🙌🏾🤣🤣🤣🤣

“Real righteous anger compels us to be different, not compels us to attack” 🙌🏾💯 Soo good, and sobering!

“Anger is a symptom…”-That just put so many things into perspective!

"I idolize the way I am able to think, therfore if in any way the way I think is challenged then you will see anger." OUCH! Thank God for you both and your message.

I had that silent anger, so much so that I planned out and attempted to (un alive) my abusive father. To cope with our toxic home I became addicted to porn and alcohol at age 11, but when God got through with me 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾 Talk about the glory of the Lord on full display for the redemption 🙏🏾

Being easily Irritated is an anger issue - Ouch "IF you investigate what makes you angry you'll find your idols" Women ALSO show anger by the silent treatment or cutting people off QUICKLY because they didn't get their way (another way of manipulation) So good Jackie - that manipulation can be with our children too (usually with adult children or High school age)

YES!! Anxiety and anger is definitely connected it’s easier to be angry than to be vulnerable.

"Being easily irritated is being easily angered" This literally stunned me into silence. Even in high school, I used to say I don't ever get angry/mad, I just get frustrated or irritated. I don't know if it was easily, but I knew the situations that could cause it.

“New creature but we got some residue from the old one…we’re in a sanctification process” ….that was good!

I love how they encourage each other to go deeper in their thinking

“Anger is more convenient for someone who doesn’t want to look weak.” + “Anger/Irritability is a form of control. “ “Women try Controlling their environment and controlling people instead of just dealing with the anger. Making puzzle pieces with human beings” 🤯🤯😭😭 This was extremely helpful and realistic. Thankful for the anointing and wisdom God has placed in both of y’all to break it down so clear for us.

The feminine expression of anger being manipulation was like. 🤯 cause I knew exactly what you were gonna say right when you said it cause it’s THAT true. Anger begets the need to control.

This is good…because as a woman, I express anger by shutting down and silent treatment because I don’t feel hard…it’s a defensive mechanism because I realize if I let you in that moment how I feel…I’ll unleash the wrath of God…

As you are talking, I just realized that my anger has been my state of panic and helplessness expressing itself in a versaral reaction

This is a very convicting video for me because much like Jackie, little things irritate me and quickly. I don’t have a super dramatic, overtly angry response, but definitely annoyance. The root of this for me has been a lack of patience, and also feeling unseen or dismissed. I also used to be a “pushover” or “people pleaser”. That in and of itself can take away your voice, so once I found my voice i did not let others forget it. Pray for me y’all😩.

"Anger is more convenient to someone who doesn't want to look weak." I'm a female... and this is my struggle. Lord help me. My pride. I don't cry much...except when I'm really angry. Never thought about it. Thankful for this ...I love you fam and thank God for your transparency. You're helping Saints as we all seek to grow to be more like Christ.

As a 17 year old girl this was so insightful and helpful. I always knew I was angry but I never even thought of thinking why. Glory to Jesus Christ alone for this Godly perspective! Keep doing His good work.

I'm with Jackie. My biggest irritant is people thinking I'm stupid. Mine manifested from a lifetime of hearing "oh you don't have no common sense, you're just book smart." You mean because I didn't understand something? Because I ask questions? Because we don't have the same point of view? Because my mind doesn't operate like yours? That being paired with the person who is "smart" in my family, irks me. Especially, now that I have surpassed knowledge in certain area of older family members. However, I can see it for what it is. It is prideful. Very prideful of me. It's to the point I question pursuing further education. I'm not sure if it's because I want to show my family just how capable I am or have some accolade obsession. Do I want to be viewed as the intelligent person? Or am I still the very curious and inquisitive person I was as a child?

…alot of the anger we dealing with is rooted to our childhood That drove me into deep introspection ….

Your videos are therapy at this point, I didn't know I had an anger problem. Thanks Perrys,glory to God.

Underneath anger is pain. There’s something that hurts and anger rises to protect the part of you that is threatened or hurt

At 65, I spent many years being abused, ridiculed, beaten, threatened, etc.... simply because of being born with a birth defect. I was constantly mocked and attacked, treated like trash by people in school, in church/Sunday school sessions, on many jobs, and especially at home! My own brother repeatedly sought to "punish" me for having been born a physical freak!! He would often bring one or two male friends, or a female friend out to our parents place (far outside of the town we were from). He would immediately insult me, kick me, and threatened to kill me, just to show off how "tough" he thought he was! I had spent over a decade being beaten, and threatened with death! I shouted to God for justice, for years! Justice finally came when I was able to move away for several years.

This segment HEEERRRREEEE.. .is alright with me! Thank you for the transparency. I realize I have anger issues. . . and I feel like i should have known this and have been delivered from it by now because of how old i am but deliverance doesn't have an age limit and because i realize NOW, i can be made all the better! I appreciate you PERRYS!!! 🧡🧡🧡

I never thought being easily irritated or easily is annoyed is a form of anger 😩 … how do we get to the root of it and remove that stronghold!?! 🤔

To back up your point that fear sometimes manifests as anger- a lot of my "road rage" type reactions went away when I started admitting that what the other driver did scared me.

As a women who grew up in a household that was predominately male, I relate to the way 'male' anger is described. Its funny, because struggling with weakness and not wanting to show true emotions or cry is a symptom of that. Even if it is socially acceptable for a woman to cry I still can't break what was taught to my brothers and I.

WOW. I love the way that you communicate openly with each other & challenge each other to grow intellectually, spiritually, & holistically. This whole discussion was not only enlightening but also convicting. God bless you both so much for letting Him use you.

Loved this talk and everything just wanted to add that another way that woman express anger is through gossip!!! [edit] I hope you can cover more on women angry, bitterness and dealing with ‘when someone makes you feel stupid’ as Jackie said

I've recently been trying to find the cause of my anger but I haven't found it yet. I know why I'm angry at my mother - that stems from constantly being criticized by her with everything - and I'm working on that; I haven't figured out why I'm angry at everything else though. I'm like Jackie where I'm constantly irritated by the littlest thing. I feel enslaved by it and I pray for God to deliver me from it.

Wanted to thank my brother and sister for taking the time to have this talk. Y'all help me realize how angry I am. I will take this to the Lord. God Bless Y'all

Vengeance is mine said the Lord has keep me in peace and not to act in a negative way based on my anger. Thank you Perry’s for this Pod it’s amazing ❤

Seriously it's just sad, that a man getting angry is considered as strength, here in Africa it's on a whole new level.

Wow! “If you investigate what makes you angry you’ll find your idols.” That is so powerful and true. I know I struggle with idolizing things like hair and beauty, but I never really understood why I’d get angry and irritated when I turned to those things. When it comes to beauty and hair, I often idolize what other women have (concerning hair length especially) and get angry or irritated around them because I am jealous of what they have, rather than giving God thanks for what I have. Please pray for me. But this also showcases the process and outcome of sanctification. It’s crazy how the things you once loved you now grow and distaste for because of the work of the Holy Spirit in your life. God bless you guys! Great episode!

This episode was right on time for me. I thought I was healed in some areas but dealing with my co parenting situation has proved I need to deal with my anger.

Preston that defining how to be righteously angry was so good. It helped me to understand it.

Women can express anger through sarcasm or sardonic humor (scoffing).. that's often how I express my anger. It ain't pretty but it's definitely exposes an "I'm so much smarter than you that I can play you subtly and you don't even realize it."

Thank you both for snatching the time to minister in this way. You are deeply appreciated. Thank you for helping us articulate what we experience internally with anger. Your ministry is uniquely special. Much love.

I am so glad that I came across this video. It’s honestly a sign of relief. Watching this has allowed me to open my eyes and understand that I am dealing with anger, what angers me, and how to deal with it in a healthy way. I just pray that God will continue to be patient with me because I am tired of dealing with my anger in a toxic way.

The idol is pride. "You think I'm stupid." "You think I'm weak" "imma show you who I am". It's ego. It's the same way Lucifer thought. But once you realize they said all that about Jesus and He still was like "oh, ok" and did His job, you learn to react differently. And it makes you look at people differently. You see their ego and where they wear pride as a bandage and you learn how to respond Christ like. It's rough and it takes a lot of patience, but it's so worth it!

I felt this. I’m angry ALL the time, and I can’t find the root. Gonna ask God to soften this heart of mine because my anger is debilitating to the point that it’ll ruin my day. I’ll when go days, weeks, months without talking to someone because I’m angry at them, and I KNOW that’s not good. 😩🥵 Thank you for this dialogue, it was very eye opening!

@preston you’re the best! Though I barely know your story, I absolutely love how you so transparently embody the transforming power of the gospel in how you relate to and interact with @jackie. You carry the heart of Christ for her with such dignity and respect… It’s breath taking and awe inspiring. Thank you for being not only an example for believing husbands in the black community, but for men all over the world!

I believe unrighteous judgement can be a form of anger - as it relates to all people but especially women.

"Real righteous anger compels us to be different and not compels us to attack"👏🏼👏🏼

The first 2 min of this is HILARIOUS 😂 “but what about the butt? 🤔” “All they got is body towels” Yoooooo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Your observation about manipulation and control is so spot on for me! I’m working on this and asking God to work this out of me. I also feel called to this ministry. Preciate this video

The beginning of this podcast is always funny 😂😂

So on time message. I deal with anger and pray daily God delivers me from it because it's expressed in ugly ways through out my days and it's a terrible place to be in. This morning I felt that anger that I thought I was doing better with coming back and there came y'all's video right on time.

The part about being irritated very easily being a form of anger and the desire for control being the underlying factor of that issue...🤯🤯

The intro has me in tears 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀 Me feeling convicted because I get easily irritated 🥲 Okay okay, I hear y’all 🙌🏾

This was really good y’all. Such a good conversation and so many gems. This helped open my eyes to a lot more as well.

I read a lot of comments of black people focusing on the wrong thing! Focus on the message not their clothes or do they have binds on the windows or where she brought her make up at! They spoke the truth! And the truth will set you free!

So blessed by your podcast. This is what I call Christian therapy. Hallelujah! God protect your union. Amen 🙏

Yes ma’am I have to have two wash cloths. “easily irritated is an anger issue” that was a wow moment and made me reflect. I’m unfortunately easily irritable.

I love this topic! In my marriage I have temptation to go towards unrighteous anger It’s difficult to yield those behaviors. Work in progress!

I love this so much 💜 As a woman who has dealt/ is dealing with healing from anger, I can relate to pretty much this whole conversation. I was the one who wanted to manipulate the people around me and my surroundings so that no one could push that one button that would set me off like a firecracker. Only learning that the more I pursued that manipulation, I was only piling on more and more things and thoughts that would make me angry. Glory to God for the great works He's doing within me.

The butt cleaning is concerning 😅 hahahahaha. I travel prepared with my own towels and toiletries ! Haha

Yikes this convicted me HARD!! The irritation over small things is real...and builds!

Wow this was such a great and edifying conversation. All Glory to the Lord, God bless you both and thank you! I truly needed to hear this because it make me reflect so much on my anger.

You two are awesome. Thank you.

Mann,..Sooo good ! I feel like I’m working through a lot of my own personal hurts. Which really has sat down as anger with how someone has treated me. But hearing what you guys are saying reminds me of how much not only do I need to keep forgiving but I need to give more empathy toward those who have hurt me as well. I love this !! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

I have cried deep sobs while listening (starting at around 17:31 especially) and processing this message. It's so simplistically accurate yet extremely and profoundly honest. There has been a great deal of shame and guilt that I carried for many years. Having been molested and watching people my entire life mask up, pretending to be saved yet actually living for and loving the world. As a young mother, I attempted to break certain cycles that I admit I was actually ill-equipped to completely denounce for the sake of family. Fast forward to today and I am so grateful and thankful that God is helping me unlearn the false things that were indoctrinated in me. Knowing some truth only resulted in my living some freedom. Taking the responsibility to actually STUDY God's Word and being in a family of Christ that is helping me grow and being my accountability partner, I can say I see so much that I've said and done, and am in some aspects still dealing with that I know has d God. Yet, here I am getting stronger and WISER and willing to release even more of the enemy that had convinced me I needed to hold on to. Being afraid to share my story with the world because of the shame I would bring to my family when they were living their lives, unapologetically assuming I would always secure their secrets and damage that helped to mold the controlling person I have been most of my life in certain ways. Not feeling heard or respected have been MAJOR trigger's for me. I'm thankful that a weight has been lifted today and that this message and this thread have helped me see myself more. I am humbled and encouraged.

I'm cracking up and I'm only 2 minutes in. Ms. Jackie, may the Lord bless you. I can't with you this morning.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I can't breathe.

I love their banter in the beginning of the discussion.

I’m very angry, and when I think about where it comes from, it stems from not being validated. Being told and treated like I don’t or never mattered. That I was not wanted by the very woman who brought me into this world. Then bringing a child into this world and once again not respected or loved. And having your only child betray me in the worst possible way and have no remorse. I’m seeking to find healing and things are better but I’m such a work in progress!

I cannot thank you enough for this. Definitely broken down a lot of my thoughts, and feelings, towards my situation as of late. Helped me to better understand myself. Amazing episode!

Ok, so I'm listening while driving to a client's home and I feel attacked😂I think Jackie just called out my swift & targeted use of sarcasm as masked anger! How rude! 😂 Now I have to go try to work with my client while what I really wanna do is go dig into this. Smh

Preston talking about the burning in his chest/righteous anger related to apologetics reminded me of Jeremiah 20:9. This desire to speak truth and the burning righteous anger was felt and expressed by the prophet Jeremiah. Keep up the apologetics. Thank you both for inspiring me to see the people around me instead of just walking past.

You two are incredible together!!

19:36 I love that “Yeah” Preston says. I felt your conviction

Wow! This is good spiritual food! I've now identified several areas of anger that I'm masquerading as something else like my OCD, as well as intellectual irritation. My Lord.. I'm releasing it to The Lord now, requesting healing, and faithfully waiting on Him to manifest my healing.

This was so good and so relevant for myself and so many loved ones ❤️🙌🏾 Thank you! On another note…I cannot contain my laughter when y’all go on about the washcloth vs the hands. 😆 My showers will never be the same since y’all …mostly YOU Jackie, have brought up the washcloth texture/agitation thing. I mean, I need the friction too…can’t just be smooth. Some folks be treating their showers as dishwashers, but we can’t just be rinsed off with hot water and soap and thinking we good. TBH, I still use a sponge on my dishes before they go in the dishwasher. 🤷🏽‍♀️ Anyhow, It’s the comedy and real talk I didn’t know I needed. 😆 it’s nice to know I’m not alone in my thoughts that other people would consider awkward.

William discussion! Easy to understand and much needed, thank you!

First off, this intro had me rollinggg😂😂😂😂 you two are HILARIOUS!

Thank you for this you guys have no idea how many people you are helping.

Mannnnn!!!!! Y’all be right here n time. This is the second podcast this week where y’all have been all in my house, my friends, my family. Like, I’m learning these things and y’all have been confirming them 🙌🏽🙌🏽 praise God

Wow this Holy spirit filled Conversation is sooooo powerful🙏

This woman (me) has struggled with both "Jackie anger" and "Preston anger". It's hard when you can't even detect what's beneath it because the anger is so instantaneous. When I've been in times like those, my whole family hurts, and I feel such a deep mourning and borderline hatred at myself for the pain I've caused (I never touch anyone, but to cause pain you don't have to). I have found that in my attempts at therapy, this issue was never taken seriously, maybe because I can compose myself the vast majority of the time so my therapist (I think) believed I was overstating my struggle. I'm trying to "watch" the times this has occurred in retrospect, lately because I'm always scared another day will happen like this (either succinct days of rapid irritation or the day out of nowhere where I get set off and I just blow a fuse several times-verbally-even after I thought I had calmed down. I had to walk away a lot in those days and I felt like I just was blowing up walking off, blowing up walking off, all. day.). I have lots of trauma and abuse in my past, and great fears in trying to get myself finished with my degree while me and my 3 make it with the funds the Lord does provide. Praise God. But I feel guilty over all that I can't give them as the years go by and sometimes it's too much. That's all I can figure but I don't know what to do with that because it can't change until I'm done (last year coming up, Lord willing). I feel like all I can do is try to be the most loving and a make-the-BEST (truly)-of-anything type mother that I can be. I never feel like I can give enough or do enough that my kids deserve. That's just not a good feeling. Most days, I just focus on my schoolwork and theirs and just try to stay hopeful and in prayer, but honestly some days I have to go numb to a degree so I don't let the anger rise up. Anger (not the righteous kind) is a real threat in and of itself. Thank you for the thoughts on this you both provided.

This was such a good video thank you Lord Jesus!! Help me to not walk in anger. Father! Fill me with your sweet Spirit Lord Amen 🙏🏽

Yesssss THAT WAS SO GOOD! So many points and nuggets. I’m going to have to watch again to take notes. Can I also say that was the most calmest conversation on anger I’ve seen in a while.

I really enjoy you all in the morning or at the office. The topics, the tone, and your interaction with each other are a blessing. My co-workers look at me and ask what I'm laughing at and I think you wouldn't understand unless you can relate and listen to the Perry's. #stllove...

Hi my name is Clarence. I did not even know that I had anger in me.I was raised in a manipulative and controlling household it was all subtle and I did everything I was told to do. I never even known that's what it was all called until I was born again and even so after so many years of walking with Jesus it's only in the last three years that I begin to learn and be aware of what the Lord is working in me. I have been asking the Lord to "create in me a clean heart..."and to reveal to me if there is any wickedness in me and lead me in the path of righteousness. I have felt that there is some evil device in me and kept asking the Lord to deliver me from it what ever it was. Then I listen to you guys and by God's mercy I repented when I realised that I have been controlling and manipulating my daughter and justifying myself as her mother loving her. I repented and asked Jesus to forgive me and uproot this anger and pride from me. My daughter is born again too so she has her own relationship with the Lord it's not my responsibility to grow her in the Lord he does the work in her. Pray with me sister and brother. God bless you. Great work you are doing. Thanks 🙏❤️

I love how you all talk and listen to one another. I love how you both support each other when you are speaking about the Lord. It blesses my heart and soul! Thank you.

Thank you, Preston & Jackie, for distinguishing the holy and the common; for teaching the difference between the unclean and the clean. Thank you for acting on being compelled to be set apart from what others have/have not done concerning the topic of anger. 🙏🏾 ✌🏾&❤️ Ezekiel 22:26 ☝🏾🙌🏾

I love this podcast so much! Thank you for talking about these issues in such a fun, honest and transparent way

Just came across this lovely couple today and blessed me so. Motivational AND entertaining. They are hilarious. Waiting on my husband while I work on myself. These are the talks I’m excited about having with my future husband. Definitely inspired to have a podcast in later future. Never was a fan of those but kept thinking about it while listening to them.

can’t be the same after watching this 🔥 let your mercy over power your wrath 🙏🏾

Preston is so matured, God has helped you it is evident in the way you understand how the society defines things like masculinity which are wrong definitions of it. You are an example of how a man should be. You are very humble ❤️❤️🙌🙌I wish my brothers can be like you

WOW. THIS is how you have a conversation!

You two have truly helped and I wanted to thank you for allowing God to use you. And most importantly being real people.

I've been struggling so much with anger , I needed this I'm trying everyday to talk to the lord and give it to him

I’ve been ignoring this video, GOD knew I needed it. Thank you for this.

I LOVED this and God bless you both, brother and sister in Christ ‼️ I will be looking forward to listening to another POD cast. Thank you both for your transparency and bringing the pure word of God to the teaching!

This popped up in my feed. God bless you both and thank you for this discussion.

Jackie nailed it. The tragedy of getting in the shower was out a washcloth is indescribable LOL. There is a desperation that happens when you try to replicate that agitation with a bare hand and it usually results in a couple scratches and then giving up. You get out and walk across the floor naked, water dripping and then you get back in. Thank you Jackie I'm for feeling that kind of pain with me.

wow. i needed this. a whole lot. Thank you, Jesus for this couple. thanks for sharing.

Love this. Ive struggle with anger since a young’n and this brings me so much clarity in my search to get to the root. Real biblical tools to start unfolding the rubble inside.❤

Preston was genuinely confused in the beginning! 🤣 I love these conversations with Jackie. She makes me think of many topics in a different perspective 🩷

This is sooooo good!!! Got me self reflecting/ repenting over here. Y'all podcasts is so edifying. Love y'all. Thank you for this!