Steam Needs To Axe Shithead Developers (The Jimquisition) 

Dad, stop following me around on the internet.

Savage I love it

Your dad is Lieutenant Columbo? No wonder you don't want him following you.

You're alright.

I wish you could hear my standing ovation

Taken? I think you mean IMPROVED. None can escape his enhanced new snappers.

The All in one gamer Look on the bright side: he can no longer snap his fingers the wrong way and destroy a huge chunk of the world.

the hands look like they would go great with butter

now he claps his claws and destroys all the world

Sapphire Crook You could say that Jim will no longer cut his enemies a break and will start cutting them down to size before he splits...

"Here's a TV that looks like an apple."

ZeIfore Life's goooooooooooooooooooooood. When you're a ninja block.

4: Kingdom of the Big Ego, Starring Shia Lebouf.

"What's wrong with you"

+RANDY TYSON Nothing, he's definately not holding an axe to my throat or anything.

Seems like a fair trade tbh.

Ya don't need a Gallbladder....

Mr Sterling is such a genius.. xD

Rico Maver You don‘t need the „awesome“ here Crab hands are always awesome

That's a relatable mood

Shajirr that explains why we will never get half life 3

Alejandro Castro oh literal Alejandro, it was a joke.

Jim OP, plz nerf

I got mine removed and now I have super strength.

I'd pay at least 3 dozen eggs to see that.

But it would have to be with his gloves on, the handpocolypse will happen.

Before One Punch Man was a thing, I had a joke super hero called Crab Hammers who had crab claws for hands, and could take out any villain with a single Crab Hammer attack. However, due to his immense power and the never ending nature of evil, his real enemy was finding the motivation to actually be bothered to do anything about anything.

And, just like DeviantArt, it's come to be associated mainly with the worst of it, and the even worse people behind it all.

:( not everyone on DA is shitty.

Evan Cops Yes they are.

Evan Cops but that's what Hats is saying; there are GOOD things there, but there's SO MANY shit people that no one can FIND the good people through the sea of shitty Sonic OCs and other assorted trash.

Come on, man. It's not that hard to find awesome art on DeviantArt or Pixiv... it's just way easier to find mediocre/bad art.

Good thing it rose out o' that shitpile.

@@ikozael6157 Can't wait for FP2

Well I can wait enough not to bother and troll the dev team like they do in that forum constantly.

therealshadow99 Glad you got it figured out, bro.

oh god, I know that feeling. I had mine removed a few years ago and the doctor said it was the worst she'd seen. I hadn't lived 15 years with it, but I know how painful a bad gallbladder is

how do you get that? did it get infected from food poisoning or something?

I have no idea. The symptoms showed up when I was in high school, but I didn't go to a doctor about the symptoms for years. Heck, I didn't realize they were symptoms for years. I couldn't stomach food for breakfast, eating it just made me nauseous for hours afterward. I also had 'stomach pain' (which makes sense because it's attached to the stomach) for years that would come and go. In fact I went through college, came back and was working for awhile before the stress I was under made me have ulcer like pains and I went to the doctor. That was when they decided it was IBS after throwing nearly random drugs at me. Nothing they did helped, but I did work out stress made it worse. So I did stress management. Which worked until I was going to college for the second time in my early thirties and nearly collapsed from the pain that felt like ulcers are described. That time when I visited the doctor they ran different tests and figured out it was my gull bladder. It took a lot of time to get the surgery since at the time I was working for the college while studying there and had no benefits (like health insurance). So it was all quite a mess.

I feel your pain buddy. Literally in this case. I had a recurring "stomach" pain that would drop me like a sack for 8 -12 hours at a time. The pain would cause me to sweat uncontrollably, not be able sit or lie or in anyway rest, I would vomit and it was generally shitty. Food was an issue too. Anything too fatty, too much dairy, too spicy, too tasty, too boozy, in fact any food or drink that was worth consuming. It was rubbish but I lost weight. The first time, the hospital thought it was a heart attack. That woke me up. After that it was referred to as a pain of a "non-specific" origin. For 2 years there was always pain to some degree. Then I went to a GP with a modicum of sense and she got me referred to (& I'm not kidding) Professor Toogood! Google him, Professor Giles Toogood! He really could have been cursed with that name. Old Toogood whipped out the offensive sack of stones and bile (then gave the stones to my wife!) and it's been all good since then. The stones live in a jar above my home office desk and they come out to disgust adults and fascinate children whenever I feel like it. I'm looking at the enormous gob stopper sized bastards right now!

As a medical student, what is your professional opinion on lobster claw hand replacements?

As somebody from the field of emergency medicine, I'll quickly answer that, if I may: Emergency Lobster claw hand replacements (E-LCHR) are the primary method of choice in people with both abdominal pain (particularly liver and gallbladder) as well as significantly higher-than-average sex appeal. Not only do the E-LCHRs increase that sex appeal further, they also counteract the pain by drowning it in eroticism. Although a recent invention, E-LCHR have been extensively studied in the past years, and due to the ease of operation, they are now performed as soon as the patient is brought into the hospital. So far, a significant 100% of patients have been reportedly happy with their E-LCHR. Thank god for all one of them. Sadly, even igoring the 'ethical issues' sometimes brought up, a big problem has thus far halted the development of E-LCHR; the amount of suited patients has fallen by 100% very recently.

As someone who's had their gall bladder removed after months of pain, yeah it's possibly the worst pain I felt in my left. Worse than appendicitis, so I know Jim's pain.

Gallbladders are fucking scary. One of my friends is only in her thirties, and about a year ago she came this close to dropping dead from pancreatitis re: gallstones. Scared the hell out of us.

+1

Rectus Rectumius I guess he committed Digital Homicide

JackAttack I thought that was a nice touch as well 🙂

Aye aye

Thumbs up for Mother Sterling.

Jim Fucking Sterling, Son suffers on this earth to atone for the sins of shithead developers

Jim can't atone for the sin of the shitheads, only the shitheads can atone for the sins of the shitheads.

Hence why Jim switched to the tophat from the bowler. The tophat hides his new modification better.

+Crazy Privateer - True, but there are also a great many people keeping their heads down and saying "Not my problem" even when something kind of is their problem, and more so when it's mostly affecting someone else at the moment. These people, in my opinion, are a problem in and of themselves; ignoring an injustice is a great way to encourage both it, and other injustices.

@Crazy Privateer that may be true, but it's quite obvious what he's talking about and quite agreeable too

yes they do, haven't you noticed that it's the same people who take advantage of the lack of oversight on steam that are also the most prone to abuse the youtube copywrong system?

Errorus the first Valve, like Google and other tech companies have bought the myth that you can use an algorithm to coast. Well the consumers are telling them that it's not working, they just refuse to listen. Their products are in a vulnerable position due to their laziness. I hope that the competition steps up to the challenge and thoroughly fucks them so they get a wakeup call.

You and me both tj.

Didn't RU-vid basically "outsource" the problem with that stupid "RU-vid Heroes"-thing :v?

Yeah, although with youtube it's sort of understandable due to the absolutely insane amount of content. Steam doesn't really have that excuse though.

CLAW through, eh? EH?! ...because jim has claws now? get it?

Was that claw pun intentional?

Underscorer What did you say... *PUNK*.

Also there is no real incentive for Valve since no matter how terrible the game is, Valve always makes $100 from the submission.

Dickwraith Mekeritrig I suffered that with thr Bayonetta port.

GOG Soul Reaver port is amazing. Steam is shit. I couldn't get a refund because when I bought it, refund policies were not common on Steam. Got fucking fed up with them, so I stopped buying from them, even if they have a gigantic 99% discount.

Dunno about Soul Reaver, but I know another great example(2 of them in fact) - Heroes of Might & Magic 3 - HD Edition, a very fresh specimen at that, it did not just launch on my PC - end of story for quite a number or people. Another would probably be Disciples 2 - I can launch it, but only without a sound(even then it doesn't work every time)

heres another bad one, Devil may cry 3: Special edition, the game works but there is no real way outside of 3rd parties to get the controller working right, like how can ya fuck up controls on a game that already had damn good controls

"Case closed, bring out the dancing lobsters!"

Judge Judy with crab hands. I'd watch that.

BootyPopperz Thank God for Jim Sterling!

Jim F-ing Sterling, Son ought to have dressed as "Him", to put them rubbery claws to better use.

Nope, you must be imagining it.

Oh come on, don't snap to conclusions like that...

Stephen Staver those are lobster claws you uncultured swine

It's a new hat. He definitely bought a new hat

Which would make a certain indie company into a perfect example of classical hubris. They insulted a god, and claimed they were better than him. Thus, they paid the price.

Martin Péron Start? I've been thanking God for Jim since he started the show up again on the Escapist.

mjc0961 Reread it. He said thank Jim for God, rather than the usual thanking God for Jim.

GUYS... He edits his podcasts...

The claw hands are just some of the many articles of costumery owned by Jim F-ing Sterling, Son.

I wish... With the very thin skinned, over egotistical, douchebag-like wretched hive that resides in Valve, they're gonna take it out on Jim, Gabe or Valve, Steam Users, me, you, it'll never end. Cuz that was the sperm that won into this place.

I hope they never do. Like any great heel, he thrives on the petty marks who want to kill him. They push him to do better, and they downright encourage him to put them where they belong. May he teach them to check the hubris at the door, lest he devour them all one day.

"Jim" lahey!

Andrew Erntell I agree both unity and steam don't do jack shit woch will cause there downfall you're going to make money but at a price of loosing what you owned aka your company but that's all they care about money over quality which doesn't work what they fail to realize is the better the quality of your product the more money you will make

It’s happening right now. Steam is slowly, but surely, falling. GOG is slowly, but surely, rising.

And now the Epic store has showed up.

Lucas and now the epic store is garnering tons of bad press making steam look like the shiny golden boy again

But then they wouldn't be making all the money.

Jailyn Elcock With GoG rising in popularity, if Gwent takes off then they won't make all the money anyway. When you have competition you can't get away with a shitty product like Valve is trying to do with Steam.

wile123456 I wonder how much of it is laziness versus a "absolutely hands off" approach edict from Gaben. Remember he originally worked for Microsoft, and when he left vowed to never entertain such an "overbearing, innnovation inhibiting" environment again. This is why Valve's employees are kind of allowed to pursue their own projects with an almost dangerous lack of oversight in some cases. Why they rarely pay attention to "deadlines". And probably why they've time and again dragged their heels on quality control for their third party game submissions to the Steam Service. I'm not saying this is a *GOOD* model; only their model.

They should keep that model, but they REALLY need to hire some people exclusively for quality control, and keep that separate from the rest of Valve so they don't all leave to work on virtual reality.

tnerb tnerb Have Atari's business model, have Atari's fate, at least hopefully.

Google Sucks I do believe it's fair to call the Slaughtering Grounds an "absolute failure" at this point.

Stinger Johnny No, The Slaughtering Grounds is an Abomination.

A variation of the "marshmallow dream" joke, then?

Crab claws grow back ya know... INFINITE FOOD SOURCE!

LIFE HACK

All of this talk of canibalism is making me hungry. I want some crab legs now

imagine if you were allergic to shellfish and had crab hands, sad times

call in sick or say your playstation died

Samules199 Just tell them I said it was okay for you to take the day off today. They'll understand.

this video reminds me that this topic will never go away for Jim.

ugh. mondays suck ass....... until i see that Jim Fucking Sterling Son video.

Fuck. I just lost The Game.

No, this is Patrick!

Eco419 nosferatuuuuuuu

ME ONE MILLIONTH DOLLAAARRR

Best prop yet.

^that^

Frankly, I'm stunned he didn't get the crab hands WAY sooner :D

I had the same feeling, lol.

>forget meme arrows >be a fucking normie >reeeeeeeeee

He betta than ever

Well those claws ain't for just attracting mates

BRING IT ON OLD MAN! BRING IT ON!

Jim making another video on Steam asset flippers aimed at Gabe Newell: HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TEACH YOU THIS LESSON OLD MAN

No, people, let's be smart and bring it off.

Kamil Osoba are ya feeling it now Mr. Crabs?

jim and zoidberg have several things in common really. "This game is bad and you should feel bad!" the parallels are obvious. also crab claws.

0001Sika "You still have your old friend Jim Sterling YOU ALL HAVE JIM STERLING!"

You called?

Videaprojaekt well spoken, if this shit was just someone's weekend hobby project, no one with give a toss, but instead it's on sale...in a store

Agreed I am an aspiring developer myself. I haven't sold anything yet because unlike a lot individuals I actually have the ability to look at what I made and be honest with myself as to whether its dog shit or not. When I do release a product it will be when it has been tested by many people and the general consensus is its good. My only hope is when that day comes it wont get swept under the rug because no body trusts the game is good.

Very fair point, but I have a question though : why on earth do people fucking buy that shit ? I mean there is no shortage of awesome games at cheap prices... why even bother mess with the filth that's posted on steam ? How do people even find those games to begin with ?

+Sora Fora RU-vid doesn't charge you to watch videos though

I'm a designer and I've been using RPG Maker as a way to learn some really basic programming concepts as well as figure out ways to implement my art in interesting ways. I've probably made 10-15 different types of games I used to learn with. I'm actually now working on my own game with the goal of atleast 80% original assets. I don't expect to be done with it for another year or two. But it's pretty weird/sad seeing SO MANY RPG Maker games on Steam that appear to be peoples first attempts at creating something. And even with most of them having minimal work put in, they still are trying to charge people for these things.

The Architect Authoritarianism isn't bad in the first place.

There was a gay people killing simulator on greenlight but it was not greenlit.

yeah he looks NOM

Caz boo that joke was bad and you should feel bad (this is joke)

Super expensive as well, not worth the time and money especially when fighting people who even if they lost couldn't pay recompense.

Vercusgames The legal system isnt BS lol, what is your origin of that belief

Money. Money is the reason the legal system is BS. Like Patent Trolls. Or any civil suit and settlement. Money is the goal. Not justice.

Ya I would buy that assessment. The rich definitely have an advantage over everyone else, they can buy the most expensive lawyers and drag the suit on forever just to bleed the other guy dry of funds.

Nathanael Paxevanos Steam is fanboyed to death. If you have any issues with Steam, if you say you don't like Steam or don't use it for ANY reason at all, the hordes of fanboys come at you. Me, I left in 2011, a bit before the sluice gates really opened. I only play PC games via GoG or DRM-free games from Humble Bundle, and now I almost never see any of this shit.

Its no difference than playstation, Nintendo or xbox fanboys... you will attract this small core audience that can not deal with dialogue, criticism to what they love and more. It applies to more or less all big companies. Weather ones pick of plattform and pick of store they are always problematic since they silence the discussions by screaming. But if you look past them there are plenty using all plattforms, various stores that can have sensible discussions about weaknesses, problems and strenghts of them.

He once started streaming, and simulated that he was killed during the stream, letting it going on for hours. Why? Because that way gets people talking about him.

Chilledfish I'm pretty sure we're in the "Upside Down" now, and with no cute little psychic death machine to save us

Embarrassingly I had to look up what "Upside Down" is. I really have to get out more :)

Why in the motherfucking Name of Dog would someone pay 100 Bucks, just to play a Game 3 Days earlier? Or better Question, what kind of Shithead thinks, Poeple would pay Money for three Days earlier Access?

You'd be surprised, friend. _You'd be surprised._

But I don't want to be surprised. Iwant to keep that tiny shred of Hope in Human Intelligence.

I bet they had quite a few takers for those early day access spots. People are morons.

even better : Kinguin is selling DESTINY 2 BETA KEY for 1$/€ !! just to get access 3 day before the open beta ://

Smooth Trooper Almost-monopolies that don't want to hire humans for moderation, because there are enough people that will blindly defend them anyway, through scandal after scandal? Sounds about right.

Jesus Zamora At least RU-vid literally can't step in because of the law, as outdated as that law may be. SidAlpha made an entire video discussing it. Valve on the other hand...nah, they're just entirely lazy and anti-consumer.

Crono Sapien They could have people look at claims after a takedown. Two WEEKS?! It should take two days at most to resolve these takedown.

Jesus Zamora Nah, I already told you that LEGALLY, they can't. I can't explain why because legal stuff has never been my forte, but check out SidAlpha if you want the full story since he has a whole video explaining it, like I already said.

Crono Sapien is right. I'd love to blame Google, but the reality is the RU-vid DMCA takedown system is designed to follow the law. to. the. letter. It's designed that way because NOT doing so opens them up to losing their safe harbor protection and EXTENSIVE legal liability. If you want it to change, lobby your congress critter to change the DMCA. I think Leonard French gets into it, and (as much as I like Sid Alpha) is a better source (being an actual copyright attorney and all).

Imagine getting that message from someone... wtf does one even respond?

But now read it in "insane villain" voice. That's suddenly very comedic.

@umbaupause That's actually how I initially read it. Great minds think alike, lmao. How did they expect to be taken seriously? Jesus.

Lobsterlingson.

Next weeks Jimquisition will comprise entirely of Jim clacking his claws and making the ""whoo whoo whoo!" noise that Zoidberg makes. For thirty-one solid minutes. :3

Ryan Dollenmayer May the gods watch over your battles friend.

I think that not yet fully grown men in top hats and lobster claws would also be quite entertaining.

yawn 'simple man' fuck boy comment. gkys

Malice Flare Stipend? Valve just needs to put him on the payroll.

It's like a bad old school wrestler trying to call him out.

Mighty Mage It's like someone combined all of the shitty RU-vid comments into one and pointed it at Jim.

LIMP LOBSTER KEEPS ON ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN

i want that condensed into a short reaction video so badly.

Yeah I recognized it... it was traumatizing.

The All in one gamer Toxic is the fucking best!

I like it. It's appropriate, and plus Toxic is unironically a pretty good song.

now we know that Jim keeps up to date with music

The All in one gamer up to date? Wasn't Toxic from like the early two thousands