Do you find it correct to say "irrational"? Because everything has a reason. If we say that something is irrational, we are not able to find it's roots
STUDY Kendrick because we deserve someone who is willingly want to be with us and we should treasure them because they didn’t leave us even on our worst time.✨
Charming concept unless you are being stalked with your life in danger. Less so. Clearly you haven't been a women, raped, bleeding for 7 days every month. The pist might read differently. But, ok. Yep, I've noticed being happy seems easier for males. Narcissists. But, ok. That's true happiness even if you are being beaten or in modern slavery...be happy you are. Yes, we deserve not to be abused. Not to be with a person who abuses and don't become the predators. Be a nice flow if maybe we addressed a few things not just within ourselves but, all around. Charming posts. Let's actually create a better marketplace so say, women in India stop killing female babies- that's a thing. Not have the clit cut off. Let's focus some of that energy, guys where it's needed....thanks....
Jealousy, an ugly face of ego. Still attached to people, still clingy, still... a huge void within. No outwardly things can tap that hollow bosom. You are complete, without even knowing it. Embrace completeness. Become it. Act like it.
When my fiance left me, I thought my life was finished. I was depressed for 8 months and lamented it for 5 years. After life mistreated her, she wanted to go back. Two months of relationship and I noticed how unbearable she was, how annoying and full of complaints, and that I was happier before, when I was alone. And suddenly my constant anxiety of being alone went away, proving that my own thoughts were what was making me believe I was unhappy for being alone. Still, if I was a wiser man, I would have concluded that much sooner and without the bad experiences.
Being alone is unnatural for human beings, and it hurts us on deep level. But its not mean that you obligated to live with someone toxic. Its definitely better to be alone then being with wrong people around.
The grass is always greener on the other side. But that other side is not permanent, neither is yours, nourish your grass, and it will be just as green or even greener, but don't be attached to it. Nothing is permanent, not even your body or your life.
If you don't want to get jealous or feel insecure and never work around successful salesman ever They have the worst attitudes and when everything done by yesterday the second thing is that they're so rich they can buy 20 of you
I felt like an awful provider during my entire relationship just because Like we had people buying new Corvettes and s*** around me and I wanted to be motivated by it but like.. I feltdowntrodden like I wasn't worth anything to the company. Worked at a car dealership for 2 years and no upgrade other than health insurance and full time and the start and no raise and pay even though everything else in town was paying at least 13.
I'm struggling with insecurity and a lot of jealousy because of having been betrayed in the past. I was really calm and relaxed about these things, I had the confidence within myself that I can let the people I love "stray" because our love can survive it. But when I noticed that this little hints of giving attention to someone else and neglecting the relationship led to real betrayal and a hollow relationship, it made me so insecure and i am still not over it. now i am with someone new and he makes me anxious about losing him because of all these experiences. But I think this video helped me to find back to my former mentality, where I was calm and secure. It is true that if someone goes away from you, he was never yours to begin with, it is not good to be cold and indifferent, but it certainly is good to not be too much attached and to let the possibility of loss be bearable. Be happy within yourself and other people cannot hurt you, and even the disappointment will feel soft, because it will feel bearable.
The only things you need is to trust yourself, observe yourself and others. Notice signs and patterns and dodge a bullet every time it comes. Just like playing Call of Duty, or Counter Strike or any other video game you prefer. Learn from your mistakes and from the prey's tricks so you don't fall into a bear trap.
It always amazes me how we are much more resilient than we realize. How often have you looked back on a relationship after a period of time and noticed you now care so little. Happiness is in the presence of your every day life, not in trying to think about someone else.
While I wholly understand the stoic method, I can see how this might create a dangerous avenue towards apathetic and nihilistic thinking, that results in people never trying at all.
you put down what I was thinking so correctly! in my life I always try to apply stoic ways to different situations, but this one could really ruin relationships for ya, like feeling only 50% of the whole experience. Could be applied to deal with break ups tho 🤔
stoicism is just teaching us to be responsible for our feelings regardless of the external circumstances. Not giving a fuck doesn't mean being indifferent/apathetic; it means focusing on what is more important and going on w ur life in the midst of adversities.
@@Dino-ey6ps u didnt get it all as i think.stoics say there are things in life that we can control and there are things that we cant u cant control people but u can influence them u need to focus on what can control. Stoic approach when look at it deeply is quite liberating
"in sterquiliniis invenitur" (In filth it is found.) -Carl Gustav Jung. If you hadn't been through the mess, you wouldn't have been able to recognize the truth as it is. :) We struggle, we fall, but at the same time we learn the true value of things. So I do not think that your suffering was in vain.
I think personally that jealousy is a compass that show you what kind of thing do you appreciate... envy another compass shows you what kind of things you really want... if you undertand it like that... as compass you can learn lots about yourself. What do you treasure and what you should pursue...
I've struggled with this when my Wife opted for separation twice and found a new man quickly. She was so happy. I was not... I was alone it hurt I was jealous. But things have happened that have not only shaped my perspective but may have opened a door for redemption. During my journey I've learned to be steadfast and just enjoy what I have while I have it. Jealousy weakens the connection to the soul self.
I listened to this video for the third time and I think I finally found the solution to my long run of jealousy. You don't know how much this has helped me. Thank you.
Thank you I felt like I needed this. I still have trouble regarding this as I am still depressed as I am still getting over a break up which is one month already. This new knowledge is exactly what I needed. Although I can't say that I'm not miserable as because I am still making peace with my own void. To those people suffering still. May our actions today bring us a step closer to making peace with our inner darkness and being a better person overall.
jc tarca Thanks for sharing. How are you holding up now?. I just went passed the 1 month mark after my breakup and feeling terrible still, trying to focus on myself, change certain patterns. I'd like to be and feel better but it is a hard process indeed and sometimes I don't know where to start.
@@oyuki7066 That is true, although its a case to case basis per person in regards to the period of suffering, it is but a certain fact that it'll be better in time or manageable. As for me, that pain from the breakup is not as apparent like the first months but I can say that it is still there it is like a form of depression now.but more of a subtle and gentle one. Only Making its presence on times where I have nothing to think about. But nevertheless, it has opened a lot of perspectives and it has forcibly awaken my eyes that pain is really essential for growth. Now, I am only filled with sadness, anger and a little bit of self loathing haha. But yeah, life goes on, Even with the pain. Maybe this sorrow will be gone in time, maybe not, regardless that no matter what I decided that I will see my life throughout until the end and do my best to be of help myself and to the people important to me :)
Funny how today Marks the passing of a month after my break up, I appreciate it though and I don't regret anything except that I sacrificed my pride in pursuing and apologizing to someone is not willing to forgive me, it's a good test of patience and lesson for the future .
Easier said than done. That's at least from my own experience, we all have our weak moments. It takes time to overcome these feelings, especially because they often are products of insecurity. But don't give up and never give up on evolving and bettering yourself, it's a win win for everyone - especially yourself! :)
This video is now part of my auto-therapy. I'm currently dealing with jealousy and this video helps me re-focus, whenever I get lost again. Thank you so much.
As a stoic myself, he's right especially about the "you're going to loose them anyway" part. Jealousy can make you push them away, because it makes you seem desperate and insecure. So, first I imagine loosing people in my life, that way if any changes in their behavior (they got a new best friend or gf), I don't get jealous because I've already dealt with whatever issues I had with that situation internally.
The thing is, you're not going to lose them anyway. Yes, there is the possibility that they're an asshole and that they're using you. But much more likely, your own behaviour is the thing pushing them away. And if what you're saying is the truth then I commend you but in honesty, the truth of the matter is that people as social beings RELY on others as a safety net - and this is very important. So when you say you think of losing them before you've lost them, it only tells me that you're distancing yourself and preventing amazing things from happening because of your "fear" of being left. And yes it is a fear, you're anxious and you wonder what would happen to you if they left, scared of the future. You don't have to be a robotic human to be happy. Traumas happen, sadness and disappointment are a part of your life so don't think you're immune to them by being neurotic and planning everything ahead.
@@biavechiato no, the point of this is not to become robotic but to teach you how appreciate the people and things in ur life more, and most of all, it'll help u avoid being depressed while going through a stressful situation or after losing something u really care about (don't get me wrong it still hurts like hell but it might be like a month of sadness than 5 to 10 years). For instance, let's say your ex cheated on u, you don't give up on love but u think of the situation this way. First, you have to learn from that experience and know that he doesn't represent all guys, now apply whatever u learn (maybe u learned that u didn't have boundaries and ignored a lot his red flags, and that u probably get attached too quick instead of taking things slow). Secondly, forgive urself and know that ur not the only person to have this happen 2 them, and that it's not ur fault. The next person u'll date (image them cheating) but then think of it like this, how have things improve after the last time u had this happen. And be glad that this person is no longer in ur life stringing u along with his games, that way you'll appreciate the new person in ur life (find something he has that last person lacks) and love that about him. Mostly don't take things personal, people do things because of who they are and learn how to forgive and keep it moving (don't forget though) just to protect urself.
@@biavechiato You are missing his points. He already dealt with the inevitable -- trauma, sadness, and disappointment--as what you have said. When it eventually happens or not for the time being.
This is what I do when I feel envious/Jealous 1.Don't care about others 2.Remind myself that others have different goals than me 3.Pompeii can be destroyed in a day(Remember that these people "success" can be gone in one day)
I think that their two different types of jealousy in relationships first the internal, you get jealous because what your perception of what your partner is doing is highlightning your own "inferiority" and the second is the jealousy that it is honestly just a reminder that you love the other person, so it isn`t a toxic response to what is happening in the relationship So the first one tells you, i am not good enough and the second ask you how can my relationship improve from where it is now
This was some very timely learning for where I am in life right now. I am one of those people who tend to get very clingy. Deep down you know when something is off. But rationalizing one's feelings can be a difficult thing. Understanding the power you have can be overwhelming. This was a timely lesson though. And all the comments are wonderful too
Words can't express how helpful these videos have been. Learning how to process and cope with disappointment, stress, and rejection should be taught in school.
I really really liked this guy who lived close to me. We started dating and it was intense between us, but soon I realized he was a womanizer. I believe our connection was real and he also seemed genuinely surprised by it. I think it was actually threatening to him because he was used to not really feeling anything for the women in his life. However I became extremely jealous of the other women he would spend time with. In the end it didn’t work out (obviously). But, I have never experienced jealousy like that before. Even a year later I wonder who he is seeing and I get jealous! I’m ashamed that I feel like that, but I guess I got caught up. Sometimes you just like who you like and want who you want. It’s tough!
Maybe deep down, you wanted him to choose you over others. You are hoping he realise what he had with you is rare and gold, something he would never get to enjoy with other women. Yet, he's constantly choosing to be with them, making you wonder why sometimes, and falling into jealousy. Don't go there. Don't do that to yourself. The bees never try convince the flies that flowers are better than shit. Letting him lose you is the highest form of self-respect. Sending u Love.
I feel that with the cheating of a spouse It’s more so about the waste of everything you did for them. Like all that time you two shared has now been wasted and the trust you put in them is gone in an instant.
no one said it's easy. but it is possible. once you are free of desire, you are truly free. are you going to say that achieving something like true freedom is going to be an easy task? no, you'll have to work hard for it and it will take time.
Love and care grow of each other and make a relationship pleasurable but not permanent; mercy and kindness grow of each other and make a relationship pleasurable and permanent.
Well my ex-girlfriend during class breaks, shares tiffin and everything with my roommate. I ofcourse get jealous because I lost my place in that group. What is the solution of this shit?? I can't change my room mate.
The sooner you admit your jealousy the sooner you can address it. Don't live in denial. Your reality check will come AFTER you've lost what you held dear.
Currently reading ”Meditations” and watching videos by Andrew Kirby and yours. Been listening to ABBA for some time and somehow a lot of their music suits the Stoic mindset. Songs like ”Move on”, ”The Winner Takes it All” and ”The Piper” etc. Beautiful. Keep up the great work.
Here in case you want to listen to "Meditations" ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-d5E2AQKuCyU.html The guy has also done the audio for ALOT of Seneca's letters too.
The only caveat id say is that believing "nothing is permanent" can lead to people giving up on relationships easily and to give themselves and excuse. The stoic mindset is that you try your best FIRST and then if it doesn't work out, there's nothing u can do. Not just "oops well it's not so good right now. Doesn't matter I won't try to fix it cuz some things just don't work out"
Yeh I don't exactly agree with the statement "someday you WILL be separated" as that signifies that no matter the genuine efforts a couple puts into the foundation of their bond, whether it be from a standard relationship to marriage, it will inevitably end. A true bond can last a lifetime when people grow and care for each other unconditionally, sure the initial passion may dither but a special kind of friendship is created when done right.
you can be as virtuous and stoic as you want. When you love someone to the point of altruism you will still fear of losing them. Its human nature. When you find a deeper spiritual meaning with your interactions with people, so-called external factors, it does bring you happiness and personal growth. Yes, stoicism may be a bandaid when you inevitably will experience pain. But this is all about the human experience on earth. Yes focus on living in the moment and be present. Be the best you can be. Offer the world your best.
Wow, I've struggled with jealousy for a while and have watched different relationship coaches, psychologists and therapists on RU-vid but who knew that Stoicism's answer would feel the most satisfying.
Jealousy is a form of fear. Fear pertains to the future. Focusing on the here-and-now (and admitting that nothing beyond our character is within our control) can weaken jealousy’s passionate pull. The future’s unborn, so why think of it as if already exists when virtuous action can be taken in the present to better ourselves? (Apologies in advance if my tone rubbed any of you the wrong way. Always happy to edit my message to make it more tactful.)
You said that envy is a form of resentment. I disagree. It often LEADS to resentment, but envy in and of itself is not resentment. Example; As a chronic insomniac I deeply envy people who are capable of sleeping enough, waking up well rested and who have a healthy and regular day and night cycle. However I do not feel any resentment towards them for it. Not at all. I do feel frustration directed at my own life. At my fate. "Goddamnit! Why can't I have that? My life would be so much better if I had that." But certainly no resentment. I acknowledge that envy DOES lead to resentment in many people who feel it, but that is just because they are amazingly stupid and lack even the most basic level of self awareness. These people look at someone else that has something has that they desire but don't have, and they subsequently feel frustration (or insecurity) as a result, just like me. But unlike me, these people then attribute that frustration/insecurity to that person that they envy. They think that that person made them feel that way. They externalize their inner conflict and blame others for their disphoric emotional responses. That is monumentally stupid and petty. I've have also felt envious of friends who had a girlfriend that I found very attractive, as I am sure all straight men at some point in their lives have. But I've never thought that that stinging, envious feeling was their fault and so I've never felt resentment towards those friends. I just felt frustrated that I didn't get to be intimate with these women, but at the same time I felt happy for them that they did. I am seriously puzzled and wondering what the hell is going on in the minds of men who DO feel resentment towards people they envy.
Thank you, that video saves me. I was dying inside little by little, it takes me out of the darkness that I was trapped in. I play it on repeat & read the comments. I'm very grateful for the philosophy videos; Especially this one. I needed that.
There's also something I realised, i.e. 'If I do the things I love/like, then I never face any bubble of jealousy or envious even though though people are doing much more than me because may be at subconscious level I know I'm putting all my efforts to the things I wanna do and taking risk and doing it in first hand. I faced jealousy only when I am not doing the things I want for myself and only dwelling in my dreamy land and looking at people doing all sort of things I wanna do.' So, Everything boiled down to one thing for me - Work without any expectations of results, just express your heart out and do. I don't know if anyone can resonates with this feelings.. let me know!. Thank You Much love and gratitude ✨❤️
Marcus Aurelius and his friend never say that he is a stoic. But he already being more a stoic! Love the way he live. My motivation for through this life
to be honest, I've started asking myself to what extent my problems are worse than other peoples vs. how open I am about my problems. I'm starting to think I have a lot of the exact same problems as other people, Im just way more open about things that are embarrasing so i get scapegoated by the same people who are afraid to reveal that they themselves have those flaws in a way that rationalizes it for themselves. the brain is an acrobat. I'm not immune to this but theres something to it. Im not made of stone. But people are a lot quicker to point out my flaws than their own. Thats just a fact.
improve yourself and attract, don't search, for no one honestly knows what they are looking for. If you don't know yourself how will you truly know anything? it's all about improving yourself and auditing the bad. Things will come and things will go, don't overextend yourself onto things that you cannot control.
Just because Stoics say that you don’t need the love of your life to be happy doesn’t make it true, how can you be happy when the love of your life dies? It’s literally a worse fate than when you die.
not really , our time on this earth is limited,You sorrow for that lost person just means that you regret the time that you didn't spent with them while you were able , it's a lesson to make sure that you spend all of the possible time with your loved ones
Yes is very true, there’s a fine line between jealousy and possessiveness, and it’s important to keep yourself in check. ....... It’s one thing to feel jealous, it’s another thing to allow it to sabotage your relationship. If you’re not trusting your partner. . ....
Your videos have helped me understand such topics about internal processes of the mind and helped me change my perspective on life for the better. Your content is wonderfully expressed in these short segments and is incredibly undervalued. Thank you. 💪
First of all, _thank you for your content, i really enjoy it and helps me alot._ i understand that stoic philosophy has become popular lately (the causes/motivations could be a material for another video ;p )... but it still just a philosophy When watching the video, it seems to be simply and pretty easy to do or just assimilate, those concepts and ideas that stoicism proposes as factible solutions. But its actually soooo hard, for no saying impossible to archieve. It could be because alot of things that we hold innertially in ourselves, like life philosophy or the culture in we've growed. But there is something that trascends everything, and that's love. I think that no one could live without love of others. And im not talking only about romantic love, all kind of love. Its a need. Like sex or food. Leaving aside the western filosophy and ideas of how to live, we, the humans, still beign not just animals but social animals. I understand totally that for some persons who been strugling on bad moments (i also put myself here), its valuable and a worth to do in *practical terms* , it helps out, reduces stress, anxiety, etc. *BUT* the background idea of why should do it, or why it works (which is not a minor fact because, all the strenght of this concepts become from there) simply doesnt fit with the root human nature. Hope someone wants to debate this!
Jeremias Pellegrino It’s not a need like food and shelter. Sex isn’t necessary for survival either. Social acceptance was once necessary because if we were rejected by the tribe we could die, but not anymore (as adults not children). Check out Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs :)
The hotel reference falls short since so many trash rooms knowing they are not required to clean it. Also some don't mind no getting room deposits back based on the condition they left said room in. While I personally respect things that are not considered "mine", am constantly seeing others not do so. However, when treated poorly I see myself start to treat whomever did to me poorly as well. It reminds me of of the Golden Rule "treat others as you wish to be treated" Treat me like crap, don't be astonished if it gets returned at some point. Not always noticed by me when doing so in a negative fashion, but noticed more when reciprocating 'niceness'.
im going to be completely honest, i was dabbling in stoicism, learning some principles here and there, but this video makes me wanna dive deeper and really embrace it, thanks for the value i cant wait to learn more
Agree, we don't own people. I've learned that we can only nurture them the best as we can while they're around. Make the most of it, do no harm and that's it. Leave or stay it's one's choice. What's meant for us will always comes back and nothing's is eternal.
Both are absent for me. But, now I see how my mom has been jealous of me since my childhood and I find it weird. Rather I have an article - how jealousy and envy boils the blood. Only when we trust in the universe, things fall into place. At times it feels and seems unbearable...impossible scenario and I really find it challenging to have trust or think positive but somehow time elopes and i get present to something I never cared or thought of.
Parent/child jealousies are far more common than not. Humans, by design, are flawed, imperfect and have moral struggles to deal with, that's life. Be grateful that your mother did not sacrifice you to the horrible practice of abortion. You are here now, and exist, by your own will.
