Stop Reactivating Trauma Wounds With "Partners" You Never See

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If you grew up neglected or abandoned, it's very likely you developed an attachment wound, and this can drive you into relationships with people who aren’t available, aren’t good to you, and aren't necessarily someone you even LIKE! One way that people with Childhood PTSD are affected by this is through long-distance relationships that don't fulfill their need for companionship and love. My letter today is from a woman whose attachment wounds drove her to rush into relationships with someone she doesn't know well; her fear of being alone keeps her clinging to someone far away who is rarely interested in her. Hear my advice to stop the pattern and change her life.
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Опубликовано:

9 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 126

@mar_tina 10 месяцев назад

"I'm heartbroken over a failed relationship I don't even think I wanted in the first place." - my life in a nutshell. I watched and rewatched all Anna's videos and it still amazes me how we all basically live the same life.

@moirabij734 10 месяцев назад

Totally relate. At least that's what it used to be like.

@goldmidwest 10 месяцев назад

So how do I (or we, to your point) break the cycle/pattern?

@Resplencemelodi 10 месяцев назад

Not even romance. I really give it my effin best every time too. Oh. If they ask for real. Dont bother. Kin el. Worlds a stage. Forgot to bring my magical mask.

@intuitivevibes1818 8 месяцев назад

For real! Wasn't looking for one and it damaged me so badly almost to the point of unaliving... Its horrible when the other person is narcissist. I believe this one was too, he played with her so much but subtly.

@xoxosisihere 10 месяцев назад

Before I knew I had CPTSD all my relationships were either long distance or very sex based.

@m.e.l9482 10 месяцев назад

I turn 43 in a few weeks and this issue has plagued my life. I'm a pretty together successful human but in matters of the heart it's like im a 12yr old little girl, that just doesn't get it!! I'm pleased to say however it's changing, with all this new found knowledge about attachment theory and trauma. I don't feel so weird anymore and I am determined to change. Why should I suffer anymore for trauma that was bestowed upon me. I have a huge heart and given to the right person I'm sure I can have a thriving relationship.

@sharonjumba4648 10 месяцев назад

Go for it lady, knowledge is power! 😊

@annettecabezas6697 10 месяцев назад

Yes you can girl. All the stuff you learn about this subject will make you understand more and happier ❤

@sa3821 10 месяцев назад

You deserve all that you desire and more ❤❤❤

@katrose2350 10 месяцев назад

I’m 43 and feeling like I’m just waking up for the first time, too

@libertygates4944 10 месяцев назад

“You want people to get pushed away by the truth of you.” This is going to be my new mantra. Thank you Anna!

@LeannaRuthJensen 10 месяцев назад

I had started reading self-help books, books about trauma and boundaries when I was in a long distance relationship. I could tell that something was off, out of balance when one day I told him in a call that I thought our relationship was lopsided and going no where. He said, "You better be nice to me, I could be your last chance.". God bless him, that made me realize that I would be better off alone than with some like him. And I was. Healing is a wonderful thing. I still get triggered by things and need to keep working on " my stuff" but it is so worth the effort.

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

Good for you getting away from him! And you were right to be honest with him, because it made him show his true colors so you could see it was bad. Julie@TeamFairy

@Keepingitreallyreal 10 месяцев назад

Remarkable how we can create things in our minds that do not really exist because we want to MAKE a relationship work. Healing trauma and developing a solid, healthy relationship with OURSELVES helps us to stop the storytelling.

@nosiphodywili35 10 месяцев назад

I relate to this so much ... Because i've been in long distance relationships but none of them were as rude as this man... I never realized it was my CPTSD attracting me to men who are far.. Because i thought i could visit them once in a while. I had a boyfriend from America once i live in South Africa our hours were always out of whack it never worked but my limerant brain thought i could make it work by staying up late at night so we can talk .. But we both could only keep that up for a few weeks the fatigue started to creep in and i was in University too.. So he ended things i was sad but i understood. Wow now that i think back it shows how delusional i was.

@sa3821 10 месяцев назад

You were operating from what you knew at that time. Now you know more. You’re growing and evolving 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

@lucasegea1385 10 месяцев назад

This is a pattern in my decisions, I always attach to partners that I cannot see: they live in other parts of my country, they live in another country and even in another continent. My most crazy decision was to have a crush for someone in Argentina (I live in Spain), someone who I never met in person. I decided to cut this pattern: no more long distance romantic bonds never more, this is the basic requirement for me right now; if someone shows interest in me but it's far away (or is about to move), it's a No for me.

@sharonjumba4648 10 месяцев назад

Power to you Luca.

@TheShitArtist 10 месяцев назад

Sip. Yo he hecho lo mismo. Si no están en el quinto coño casi que no me atraen. Y luego les puedo acusar de ser evitativos cuando yo soy la que busca amor a distancia 😅 lo extraño fue cuando fui a vivir con un novio a distancia y no sentia la misma intensidad cuando estaba con él en persona. That's how you know it's limerence.

@FoundSheep-AN 9 месяцев назад

I think if you are an adult with all the financial freedom to marry and start a life together with this person in a reasonable time, you should not limit yourself. One has to go into a long distance relationship only if you both are deciding to give a chance to each other to see if you are compatible to get married eventually, in a reasonably short time frame. Some of my coworkers had ldr and now are married or married with kids. I have a failed ldr in my past. What I noticed in studying their relationship vs the relationship I had when I was younger, it’s that they (the man in the couple) dated and talked to the ldr woman with a purpose: to understand in a short period of time if they are compatible to marry. And they had all the financial means to marry and also they had marriage as a scope while dating.

@twinflamerehab 10 месяцев назад

Adding that in twin flame situations, you aren't learning more or growing in "separation." it's retraumatizing yourself.

@ivybagatsing5461 10 месяцев назад

Sasha, you need to start making friends specially with the same sex. The support and camraderie women friends can provide in your life is incomparable. Instead of focusing and investing in romantic relationships , at this point I suggest you give that same energy to meeting new people and making friends. It's worth it . Side note, even in platonic relationships boundaries, dear. They keep away the predators & loonies. 😉🙂 Goodluck and wishing you meet a few good friends along your journey. There are beautiful loving people out there. ⭐

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing your encouragement! TeamFairy

@GingerPeacenik 10 месяцев назад

The letter writer speaks for me. All of my “romantic” relationships were with unavailable men- long distance, or married, or someone who had their eye on someone else, or wanted something “casual”, etc- and I push the friends I love most away. I’m totally isolated now. I KNOW that this is due to the neglect and authoritarian nonsense I experienced as a kid. I was a pre Roe v Wade “mistake” while my younger sister, born post wedding, is the “real” daughter. I spent my entire childhood trying to stay quiet and out of sight, because I’d either cause anger or bring out harsh criticisms from my divorced parents otherwise. My father was always either traveling with his girlfriend (he perpetually cheated on her as well), or he’d show up at 6pm to pick us up for the weekend, after having promised to arrive by 10am. He and my mother rarely spoke other than to yell at each other over who had to take the Goddamned kids for the weekend. As an adult, I still beat myself up incessantly when I screw up in any way, and at the first hint of someone being unhappy with me in a friendship or relationship, I’ll often simply disappear. That was what made my parents calmer and less angry, after all. My father also used to bolt the moment someone became frustrated with him, and apologized on his deathbed for being “total sh*t as a father”. His dad had been the same way. My mother, on the other hand, becomes over the top controlling and emotionally manipulative and abusive when she’s unhappy with me. Add in her relatively recent Christian evangelism, and I can’t handle being around her at all. Triggers all sorts of self loathing and I quickly become self destructive. I don’t know how to fix myself. Been through years of trauma therapy, but I still remain stuck. :(

@winter_s_44 10 месяцев назад

I have really strong opinions around those who have CPTSD and yet claim so much to want children. There is almost never much talk about healing, and it seems to me as though they are likely going to (or are) unwittingly passing their same unhealed wounds onto their children. Just like with relationships, we have to question WHY we want children so badly. Is it because you long to have human beings you think won’t leave you or will be obliged to love you? Is it because you are set on trying to do things differently - even if you have barely even worked on yourself and will likely wind up recreating the same patterns? I think it is a bit odd how it is stressed that those of us with CPTSD basically need to question everything we think we feel towards others and our own desires when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships, but this is NEVER talked about in the same way when it comes to children and parenting. It is almost as if it is assumed that wanting children is so natural that that desire MUST be coming from a healthy and non-CPTSD place. Well, wanting love is the most basic desire and need of all, but just as that needs to be questioned, and just as HOW we go about looking for it needs to be questioned, so too does the desire for parenthood. Shouldn’t people like us also be sitting down and writing exactly why they want to be parents and how they plan to parent in a healthy way? Perhaps that is an idea for a course because honestly, it is very much needed. People just go into parenthood because having children “is what you do,” and like the parents of the woman in this letter (and all of your letters), pass on their unhealed wounds in one way or another to another generation who grow up to do the same for lack of reason not to. You say you always wanted to be a parent and it’s a deal breaker in relationships? Okay. But really get specific about WHY you always wanted to be a parent and what kind of parent you want to be (and feel capable of being). The same way I always knew I didn’t want to be a mom, but I DID always want to be in a loving connection and relationship and with my CPTSD, I have to get specific about why and what I want, and what kind of partner I want to be as well.

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

You’re absolutely right. I wrote this letter a year ago. The truth is I am on the fence about kids and every day I lean closer to the “hell nah” side of the fence. I love the life choices and freedom available to me as a childless adult. I think it might be amazing to experience pregnancy, but at the same time I don’t know if I want to put my body through that. Also, women of color die during childbirth at rates they shouldn’t be in 2023. That’s a concern. I actually do worry about my mental health affecting my kids if I choose to parent. Will I become abusive as well? Or will I be so afraid of abusing them them that I coddle them and raise spoiled, entitled little brats? Kids cost money. Lots of money, that I would prefer to invest in myself at this time in my life. The fact is I don’t know. I don’t know if kids are worth the risk, but I also don’t know if I will regret not having kids at the end of my life. Who knows? I’m ok with not being sure and I’m allowing myself the time to figure it out. When I was in my 20s (when my BPD symptoms were at their worst) I can honestly say I was desperate to find someone to love me so I could marry and have kids. I thought that’s what I had to do to feel loved and wanted. I thought that’s what would “fix” my toxic past. I hope I don’t come off ass bitchy….but you don’t know me. You don’t know what my entire journey thus far has been outside of this letter. I would NEVER jump into marriage or having children. No matter how effed up I might be, I’m still intelligent and still have some love for myself not to make life long commitments without doing some serious work on myself. That’s why I’m here. I’m happy you’ve come to the conclusion you have. But the bottom line is, I have the final say about what I do or don’t do with my own uterus. My 😻, MY choice.

@TC-hf8hg 10 месяцев назад

So well put. I totally agree, and even the general public doesn't evaluate their "desire" for parenthood. It's especially important for CPTSD people to ask those same questions as you said. I do feel like there's a religious imperative to have children and disregard any concern for cost, welfare of the child (most CTPSD people have toxic family systems or no support), personal suffering, impact on the environment, etc. in most societies. Let's think this through everyone...

@IreneBeauville 10 месяцев назад

Loneliness is a poison ☠

@Xen0ette 10 месяцев назад

One of the best parts of healing was putting down long distance relationships. This really resonates, thank you. Dating locally took some effort to learn how to like people that like me, but its better than spending all night, every night, sitting at a computer and wondering why someone i had never met was able to control me from Australia... after spending the last four years in a relationship with someone i agreed to see because i was afraid of losing a friend. I hope that she never talks to this manipulative person ever again. :(

@monalletinie143 10 месяцев назад

Honestly although all the videos in this channel have made me reflect about my life and work on leaving behind my codependency / limerence and anxious attachment style... i can't help but notice that me and all the people in these letters also choose partners that are not so good with people either. They all have patterns of being avoidant or cold, and some straight up emotionally abusive. Like I wonder how different our experiences with anxious attachment would be if our partner was loving and empathetic during our difficult times and was patient enough to stay by our side while we work on ourselves. Sometimes that's all I want, and this really doesn't sound so unreasonable to me...

@purpisfulnanogetic4251 10 месяцев назад

I feel the same

@MifupaMikavu23 10 месяцев назад

We stay with the horrible partners because the healthy ones feel boring. We are not used to ease. We are subconsciously drawn to chaos

@natacha875 10 месяцев назад

I started the daily practice. I realised that it showed me my own negative believes I have about myself.

@justdawndb 10 месяцев назад

OMG how relatable, im crying & laughing in self reflection! This poor dear young lady. I had just let go of a "crapfit friend" deciding i would no longer allow them any precious real estate in my heart head or physicality immediately pror to seeing this. Im so sorry for this poor girl, been there done that 🙄 how many times you ask...😂 I lost count 😢 i hope she stops beating herself up ❤️ one of the most valuable things you mentioned for going foward was allow them to Demonstrate (Thats a word worth looking uph h h

@juanitamayes6329 10 месяцев назад

I needed this so much today. After being ignored once again by a friend yesterday, I decided that was it ..... This reinforces this decision. 💜

@sula1529 10 месяцев назад

Long distance is not always bad..cmon..if you both are good people,love one another and want it to work then you can make it work. IMO

@AthenaIsabella 10 месяцев назад

I was long distance and the communication was amazing! I feel like that’s key. It can work. He relocated and it’s been amazing ❤

@sula1529 10 месяцев назад

@@AthenaIsabella I am really happy to hear this. Where did he travelfrom and to? Did it seem strange after all the time on the phone to suddenly be together so much?

@AthenaIsabella 10 месяцев назад

@@sula1529 it’s actually a crazy story! He moved from DC to New Mexico. I met him when he was visiting the university he goes to now and gave him a tour of the city (his mom knew my cousin and reached out to see if anyone could show him around). From that day, we talked every day in some capacity. For me, with CPTSD, it was nice to talk but also have my own life still. After 6 months he just moved here for school, which was nice to have the pressure of him moving for me. It’s wonderful being so close and surreal sometimes after such distance. We have to set boundaries though so we don’t become codependent. Meta communication is key! Thanks for asking and the well wishes.

@suzanne2680 10 месяцев назад

I feel like long-distance and cptsd are a great combo for well-meaning folks because it gives both partners the chance to truly deeply trust each other and learn how to communicate even better than IRL couples before the gloss of the physical. I am a fan. But like any LDR, there has to be an end-game for who will move where and when.

@sula1529 10 месяцев назад

@@suzanne2680 this is true . Otherwise it ll eventually end. I think Theirs a certain time frame. Especially if people want marriage kids etc. A lot is to be considered. Financial job wise etc.

@kiskakuznetsova503 10 месяцев назад

I've been in her shoes and I hate that awful excuse for a human being for treating her that way. Men like that take advantage of our trauma, there's videos here where men share tips on how to exploit women's trauma and string them along just like this.

@vanessajenkins2089 10 месяцев назад

I was driving down the road, and when you read that he didn’t reply for two days I yelled, “OHH no!” I know the feeling well and so sorry.

@jamielee1354 10 месяцев назад

My ex boyfriend did the same thing. He never cared about me and that’s what made me realize that I needed to let go.

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

Thank you so much Crappy Childhood Fairy! With love, “Sasha”. ❤❤❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

It's you? Yay!

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes! This was a year ago. 2 unhealthy “situationships” to make myself feel better followed the break up. The last one made me realize I have an addiction to male validation and feeling desired…and I needed to change before I severely damage myself further. I’ve been going to a 12 step program for the last 2 months, been celibate for nearly 7 months and I’m not dating until I get my life in order. I’m focusing on making friends with other women. Healing is hard…but worth it. Your videos and daily practice help tremendously. Thank you again. 💜

@jackiegab9394 10 месяцев назад

I'm very happy for you Sasha, very happy and wish you all the best on your journey to work on yourself🤗 I'm also working on me slowly but consistently👌

@latishagipson1239 10 месяцев назад

❤❤❤❤❤❤

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

@@jackiegab9394Thank you! You got this!!! ❤❤❤

@crystalfelicia9924 10 месяцев назад

I do love the ppl I think i like, the issues is the feeling is never mutual and that leads to Limerence! It's a nightmare!

@moirabij734 10 месяцев назад

Thank you, Anna, for yet another insightful video. As a person with C-PTSD I relate. It still kind of astonishes me how many "situationships" I got involved with simply because there was some opportunity to not be alone. Often I didn't even like the person as you letter writer stated too. I got married at 37 because I wanted children. I now have two beautiful children, boy and girl twins of 10 years old. Sadly my the marriage ended after 7 years when the kids were 4 years old. I will never regret having my babies. I have decided to focus all my energy on bettering myself and I don't want to date now. Fortunately their dad is supportive both financially and emotionally so that helps a lot. Ultimatly, we are all on this journey of recovery and remembering who we really are and being honest with ourselves. Best wishes to everyone here. 🌷💓

@justinael 10 месяцев назад

Oh my, this sounds like me but the strangest thing is, I feel great in my own company, not alone at all, I travel solo and have fun, even being at home playing games, reading, knitting, watching youtube is highly satisfying. I do want some nice company from time to time, but I have friends. Still, when I meet a guy who is interested but not pushing, I slowly start to attach. First I stay out of curiosity, then not to hurt his feelings, and then it's me being afraid of "the end" and "ending things in conflict". I suppose it's because my parents failed to create safety and made the "endings" feel like the end of everything. Mother was never satisfied, often offended and using silent treatment, malicious, father absent, malicious and immature. Both were constantly offended and it affected what me and my sister would get from them, both in terms of feelings and things. I've made a lot of progress over the years, but getting attached to crap (with time) seems to be my problem. I think what will help is what you said, to set boundaries very early and not to engage in relationships I don't even want. Because I know in my guts I don't want them. Have a list of deal breakers. Thank you for the video.

@sweetness9356 10 месяцев назад

So much of this sounds painfully familiar. I need to free myself from my situationship. I don't want to be alone, but I deserve so much better than this mess.

@leonablack3516 10 месяцев назад

Its sad that us as kids loved more the parent that wasnt cruel and controlling, the safer parent. They let us do what we wanted. Although the real truth is that parent just didnt care and had no time for us.

@someone-bt5lu 10 месяцев назад

Exactly.. they just chose the path with least resistance

@christineherrmann205 10 месяцев назад

Oh, good lord. This could have been my life with me ex-bf, only once i DID move, he withdrew even further and eventually confessed he'd tried therapy, but thought all psychologists were bunk, because they'd Dx'd him with antisocial personality disorder. I tried SO HARD to make it work, turned myself inside out, and he eventually cheated on me and treated me like an option. IMHO, you allowed a ton of red flags to flash in your face, ignored them because whem it works it feels nice (and kinda 'normal') but I'm glad you're out now. We got to know each other as friends, too, but the withdraw when it pleases them? I don't think that changes.

@vic_cresss 7 месяцев назад

God I relate to this girls story SO MUCH I have no idea what to do

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 7 месяцев назад

A great way to get clarity about difficult relationships is through Daily Practice. Check out the free course here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy

@bleaubloomd 10 месяцев назад

Thank you for sharing and the advice. I relate with this 💯. Praying all of us heal and have healthy relationships with ourselves and others going forward. 😊❤

@hairstonwilliams2770 5 месяцев назад

This has been so helpful. I watch so many of your vids, but this really hit home. Thank you 🙏

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 5 месяцев назад

Glad you are here! Nika@TeamFairy

@Beantastrophe 6 месяцев назад

Your hair is gorgeous from the way it flows around your glasses when you teach me something. You get my subscription.

@5gx673 10 месяцев назад

Like the new format 👍

@courtneycole235 10 месяцев назад

Currently spouse has been working remote over a year. No, Not working. He’s a poor communicator, as in almost none.

@justinesimone5343 10 месяцев назад

Yes. It's familiar.

@Bells-ou1gj 9 месяцев назад

I love this channel. It made me realise that I'm not the only one

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 9 месяцев назад

You're not alone! I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

@devilcat7991 10 месяцев назад

This is 1A axious attachment. I can only recomment reading the book "attachement". It is an eye opener for people like us. There is nothing wrong with us, we just tend to chose people that are no good for us, like in this case.

@JudymayMurphy 10 месяцев назад

The book Attached? It's phenomenal!

@devilcat7991 10 месяцев назад

@@JudymayMurphy Yes, it is absolutely eye opening book and a huge key in living a better life with better relationships at all. We have never been tought certains things, and there is plenty of the important information that we need so desperately, to make better choices in people and partners.

@steffi1206 10 месяцев назад

If you mean the book "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, this book recommendation should come with a huge caveat. It has a good overview over three of the four attachment styles, but the disorganised style (the one many CPTSD survivors might identify with most) is missing. Secondly, it is a very over-simplified approach to boil everything down to attachment styles. Thirdly, this book is incredibly heteronormative and like all that "normal" people want is the white picket fence marriage. And lastly (and most annoyingly), the book is incredibly condescending towards persons with an avoidant attachment style. An avoidant person who has worked on themselves, is generally willing to attach and ready to talk and work through any issues that come up (i.e. fear when someone they actually love is coming too close) may be a WAY better match than someone who is a good match on paper and comes with the promise of all the outer cornerstones of a "great relationship", namely a formal legal act called marriage* etc. This is not only my opinion but that of several good couple therapists. Way better books on attachment styles are "The Power of Attachment" by Diane Poole Heller and "Insecure in Love" by Leslie Becker-Phelps. *This might be a cultural thing, here in Central Europe, it is absolutely common to co-habit and get married only later in life when it makes things legally easier, like when a couple has children or when they are ageing and it is easier to visit someone in hospital, make medical decisions etc.

@lilcherryblossom 7 месяцев назад

Lord…this sounds like my first and only long term relationship in my early 20s. Long distance because of college, me pulling all the weight, low communication from him but me hanging on waiting for each message (before the break up, he did not communicate with me for two weeks. when I told people this, they looked horrified but I just shrugged and said “that’s him”)….. Best part was I knew it wasn’t going to work. I kept journals during that time of my life and wrote it out plain as day….but ignored it. Dating now in my mid 30s is hard…like incredibly hard. I know what I want, I just don’t know where to start. Online is a disappointment and outside activities that I’m interested in are scarce….and usually have a younger crowd. The loneliness is difficult.

@momocita77 10 месяцев назад

I agree.

@elizabetheliuk9373 10 месяцев назад

Hi Anna. Can you recommend a good 12 step on line program that addresses a few issues with alcohol abuse from a sibling as well as addressing CPTSD issues?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

Al Anon would be a great group for people who have family with alcoholism, and it will cover a lot of things that relate to CPTSD. Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctional Families an option specifically for people with childhood trauma. Both groups have meetings that are both in-person and online. Each group has a google-able home page, and where you'll find a "meeting finder" search/directory. Julie@TeamFairy

@MountainSpringsAdventures 10 месяцев назад

I grew up with a terrifying father. To this age of 35, I still cannot function as a normal adult. I was very, very scared of him as a kid. I can't even understand my own subconscious because all I've ever known is disassociating since early, early childhood. I just NOW learned that's what I've been doing. How do I overcome this? I never even grew emotionally past early childhood because I was so traumatized and afraid of my dad. I sometimes feel hopeless. Like my dad was too evil and this happened too young of an age that I cant overcome it. What do I do to get started healing.this?

@clairefitzpatrick7183 10 месяцев назад

Hi, a book i I'm reading is the healing heart journey by Mark de Jesus. Hope that helps🙂

@mcr670 10 месяцев назад

Hey! I'm sorry you went through such horrible feelings of distress and anguish when you were so vulnerable due to your age. I relate but with my mother. I'm 34 years old, and I've made a whole lot of progress with therapy, books, and videos. Keep watching videos about childhood trauma and look into healing the inner child. That's a technique that has worked a lot for me. You can definitely heal ❤

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

I understand. A great first step is Daily Practice, a free course. Anna's Healing Childhood PTSD course is a good foundation, too. We also like Pete Walker's book on the subject. Glad you're here now! Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing Childhood PTSD Course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Julie@TeamFairy

@sunnygirl9691 10 месяцев назад

You’re frozen because you were unable to act and voice what you would as an adult. Now you are an adult. Daily start screaming and fighting him off metaphorically (maybe in a rehearsal setting while in private). You will win this time as good always overcomes evil. He used his size and age as his advantage -but NO MORE. You are a good man and a stronger man- something he chose not to be.

@sunnygirl9691 10 месяцев назад

I don’t know why it put that line on the text ??

@KassandraFlores-hw9vk 10 месяцев назад

Omg her and I must be twins! Everything that she does and thinks is exactly as i do. But I have more trauma.

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

Discovering you’re not alone is so comforting. ❤

@MyDuckSaysFucc 10 месяцев назад

If you are struggling like this in relationships, the last thing on your mind should be having kids. Even if you want kids, it may not be worth it and it won’t be healthy for them if you have them with a bad partner. Kids take so much energy and resources. Parenthood is way overhyped and people need to do more research and work with kids before jumping into it in my opinion.

@aprilmg7072 10 месяцев назад

It's very easy to romanticize but the reality of raising children is very messy

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

Right on! You are taking the right steps. "Dysfunction Junction" haha! TeamFairy

@milasastrology3265 10 месяцев назад

I totally disagree. Kids can often heal people indirectly through the person stepping up and taking responsibility over their life. I think it sounds extremely narrow minded and judgmental when you say she shouldn’t think about kids. You mean to stop dreaming? When did that ever create something good for someone??

@sxwrtr918 10 месяцев назад

@@milasastrology3265 Having kids to try to heal yourself is selfish, irresponsible, and terribly unfair to them. It is not their job to heal you, nor are they an experiment to see if it works for you. It is the adult's job to heal first, then have kids if they are on firmer ground and choose to do so. Parents owe it to their kids to not pass on their trauma wounds (as best they can) to them to be burdened with and limited by in their own lives.

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

You’re right. But maybe leave what needs to be on my mind up to me. I may be damaged in some areas but I am healing and I’m not a lost cause. I know me and if I chose to, I have no doubt I would be a damn good mother. I’m over 30 so the last thing I’m doing is jumping into anything. I don’t have kids for a reason. I dont know for sure if I want them, and until that idk becomes a loud resounding yes, celibacy, condoms and Plan B are my best friends. I’m very much enjoying my life without kids and I’m in no rush. I have even come to accept that I might decide I want kids after I’m biologically unable to. I could adopt or foster if I chose to. I appreciate your concern…but I’m good over here love. Love and light- “Sasha”.

@yuk498 10 месяцев назад

Sasha, you want to be a mom and have anxiety around it, so you need to find someone who will be your great partner in raising kids, and who would be a great parent for your kids, not this giu. This is what I would tell myself if I could go back in life. And, by the way, it's not his city. It's your favourite city, and he just happens to live there too.

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

Thank you. I’m still moving there too. Just gonna keep him blocked. 😂

@Literallyarealhuman 10 месяцев назад

This whole thing being a relationship seems imaginary. Like the online dating scams. Has any money been transferred

@blurhapsody1739 10 месяцев назад

I don’t believe in giving men money so no. We video chatted and talked over the phone over the course of seven years as friends before attempting a “relationship”. We met in person four times so while it wasn’t a healthy relationship, there was nothing imaginary about it.

@lornaelizabeth6290 10 месяцев назад

❤

@jbroberts8807 10 месяцев назад

How do I write you a letter?

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 10 месяцев назад

Share an ATF letter: bit.ly/CCF_Letters - TeamFairy

@intuitivevibes1818 8 месяцев назад

This felt like If I wrote it.... Damn

@CrappyChildhoodFairy 8 месяцев назад

Glad you're here with us. Nika@TeamFairy

@MsCaterific 10 месяцев назад

💘

@solannthor4991 10 месяцев назад

How far apart is long distance? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@nosiphodywili35 10 месяцев назад

Can you see them everyday if you wanted to ? If not then that's long distance.

@pfang7229 10 месяцев назад

So she completely ignores that he doesn’t want a relationship after agreeing they won’t ever be together ???

@someone-bt5lu 10 месяцев назад

I wonder if there is anyone watching from Austria/Vienna?

@kristinmolina508 10 месяцев назад

This letter isnt a bf. It wasnt a relationship

@sweetness9356 10 месяцев назад

Agreed. Sounds more like a situationship.

@sula1529 10 месяцев назад

How does she figure out what she wants?????

@jewelj7507 10 месяцев назад

From what Anna has taught us, my guess is that she writes it out. Make a list of qualities and attributes. Look at what has gone wrong in the past and decide that you don’t want that again. Anna gave some examples - no long distance, someone who wants me, someone who lets me know regularly thst thru want me, someone who’s available… that kind of thing. Hope that helps.

@sula1529 10 месяцев назад

@@jewelj7507 thanks ☺ ♥